


A Singular Shadow

by AntlersandFangs



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, I am incapable of writing a non punk, I'm making this up as I go, Implied Rape/NonCon, MC loves the Bog Unicorn, MGiT, Modern Girl in Thedas, POV First Person, Polyamory, Solas doesn't know what to think, Sub Cullen Rutherford, Universe Alteration, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unreliable Narrator, because I cannot resist that, canon is getting bent y'all, don't @me, it's a beautiful castle and you are an angry goose, non inquisitor main character, not from any of the pairings, okay everyone is a little touch starved in Thedas, self indulgent, touch starved Solas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:40:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 60
Words: 264,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23430319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntlersandFangs/pseuds/AntlersandFangs
Summary: She woke up in Thedas... as you do.Well.Alright.Time to Meddle.*The Wonderful Celtic_Lass is acting as my beta, and without her support this fic would never see the light of day. And TycheSong is now my amazing plot slinger who gives and discusses ideas and plot with me!*
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Original Female Character(s), Fen'Harel | Solas/Original Female Character(s), minor The Iron Bull/Original Female Character
Comments: 2478
Kudos: 1339





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Dislocated Souls: Skyhold](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7347853) by [LonelyAgain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyAgain/pseuds/LonelyAgain). 
  * Inspired by [Dislocated Souls: Skyhold](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7347853) by [LonelyAgain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyAgain/pseuds/LonelyAgain). 
  * Inspired by [Project Elvhen: Expanding the Elvhen Language](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3553883) by [FenxShiral](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FenxShiral/pseuds/FenxShiral). 



Thedas smelled like horses and sweat and blood, and when the wind shifted just right, it smelled like burning corpses. It was not pleasant. I woke up in a healer’s tent in Thedas and was told I had survived the explosion at the Conclave. Not The Survivor, just, survived. I wasn’t the Herald, thank goodness, but now I was an elf somehow. Yay. I didn’t have a chance to freak out about the new body because there was a man next to me sobbing and clutching bloody fingers to his arm, so I automatically started helping. 

Apparently basic first aid counts as surgeon training, so I quickly got enlisted to help treat the survivors and wounded soldiers pouring in from trying to battle back the demons. It was an exhausting few days and I was covered in blood and sweat by the time we got the news that the Herald, though at this moment they were just the Prisoner, had awoken. 

Turns out Heraldy is Adaar, a massive qunari man with soft black eyes. Cassandra paraded him past the makeshift healer’s area and I got a good look at him. He looked bewildered and horrified and clutched his sword like it was a lifeline. I slipped away from the tent and ran up to him with a flask of water. He looked startled when I approached him, but Cassandra seemed to dismiss me the second her eyes flicked over my ears. Most elves were servants or runners so it was easy to dismiss me by my new ears. I intended to take full advantage of that. 

“Ser, water?” I offered the flask to him and he looked even more confused before giving me a relieved smile and taking it. 

“Thank you. What’s your name?”

“We do not have time for pleasantries.” Cassandra broke in impatiently. I cut her some slack, it was the end of the world as far as she knew.

I put my hand on his massive arm and smiled at him. “You will save us, but remember to take care of yourself.” With that, I slipped back to the tent to help take care of the newest batch of wounded. 

I stayed and helped until there was an odd shuddering, tingling sensation and when I looked at the sky I saw that the breach had stopped growing. Ah. Heraldy had reached it then. I snagged the elf girl who had been shadowing me since I arrived, helping where she could and making sure I stayed fed and hydrated. She was sweet and I fully intended to keep her safe. 

“We’ll be moving to Haven soon. Gather your things up and keep them close by, I don’t know how or when we’ll be leaving.” 

She eyed me uncertainly but nodded and reached under a cot and belted a small pouch around her waist. That was it. That was all of her things. I reached out and hugged her and to her credit, she only hesitated a moment before hugging me back tightly. 

“I’m going to do my best to keep you safe.” I realized that she had obeyed me, had entrusted her future to me without question and I promised myself that I was going to do my best to make sure that trust was not misplaced. 

“My name’s Onhalla.” 

I laughed and let her go. “That’s a beautiful name.” 

It was another day before we finally slipped in among a group headed for the main area of Haven. We weren’t officially supposed to be there, but no one questioned two elf girls carrying packages. We were basically invisible. At first, I tried to go the official route and talk to Threnn about what we should be doing, but she just sent us off to the servant’s area and ignored us basically. I could practically hear her thinking ‘not my job’. So I tried to head to the servant’s area, but Onhalla got her ass grabbed by a passing soldier. She shrank down and tried to slip away, but I was having none of that and threw all hundred pounds of me at the man and broke his nose. 

Oddly, he took one look at my face and ran off. I didn’t think that would be the last of it, so I grabbed Onhalla’s hand and headed back to the gates.

“Are we leaving?”

“No. I’m going to make us a safer place to stay.” 

I searched around outside the walls until I found a likely cluster of massive trees. They were close enough to the walls that we could run inside in case of trouble, but far enough away that we wouldn’t attract much notice as long as we were quiet and didn’t light fires. Onhalla eyes were wide as she watched me climb up into the biggest tree in the middle. It was perfect. 

“This is it. This is our new base.” I grinned down at her. She looked doubtful, but helped me drag boards from the abandoned logging area and nick some rope and other things. It took us most of the time that Heraldy was out to build our little tree fort. But by the time it was finished, I could fit maybe eight people onto it if we puppy piled. 

During one of the excursions into Haven proper for supplies, I came across a familiar looking soldier with a broken nose cornering another elf girl. I ran up as he pawed at her dress and drove a foot into the back of the knee, and when he went down, put an elbow into his throat. While he was down and choking, I grabbed the girl’s hand and dragged her away. 

“Are you alright?” I asked the second we were far enough away. She nodded, her eyes flicking over my face in a mixture of awe and fear. “I have a place, it’s outside the walls, but me and my friend are staying there to keep away from people like that. Do you want to join us?”

Her eyes practically shone and she nodded so fast her red hair fell into her eyes. I smiled at her and led her out to the tree fort (after taking some rope and blankets from Threnn’s tent) and introduced her to Onhalla. The new girl’s name was Harrill, and she was quiet and her eyes followed me around with an awed light that made me uncomfortable but protective. 

Our fort was complete and we had blankets and we fell into a puppy pile for the night. It was cold and the trees creaked in the night wind, but we just curled up together and slept peacefully. I think the fact that we pulled up the knotted rope we used to help climb up made them feel more secure. Come morning, we braved the mess tent and got some breakfast, and I told the girls to go find jobs while I took care of some business. 

It didn’t take me too long to find the soldier I was looking for. I followed him around until I had a plan in mind. I could see Adaar leaving his cabin and I had a wicked plan pop into mind. I tucked the small knife I had been carrying out of sight and let the soldier catch sight of my apparently distracted self. His face darkened and he headed towards me as I casually and uncertainly walked away like I hadn’t seen him. He caught up with me the second Adaar came around the corner of a cabin. 

A rough hand grabbed the back of my neck and I cried out as the soldier snarled at me. “Got you now, you knife eared bitch.”

He threw me to the ground and kicked me in the stomach and I gasped as the breath was driven out of me. This… was a horrible idea. I felt like throwing up but over the roaring in my ears, I heard Adaar shouting and the sound of a fist landing home. Large hands sat me up and I found myself staring directly into Adaar’s soft eyes.

“Are you all right?”

I nodded and coughed. “I should have been paying more attention.”

He frowned and looked over at the soldier, who was standing with his hands up as Varric kept Bianca trained on him. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve…” I looked down as if embarrassed. “I’ve run into him a few times already.” 

“Bitch broke my nose!”

“You assaulted my friends!” I snapped back. At Adaar’s shocked look I hugged myself. “He grabbed my friend’s ass, and then I found him… forcing my other friend. I got them away, but I should have been paying more attention.”

Adaar’s face hardened and he stood up, looming over me unintentionally. “Would you come with me to speak to the Commander about this?” He held a hand out to help me up.

I hesitated but nodded as I accepted his help. “He probably won’t do much though. Me and my friends are just a bunch of knife ears.”

His lip curled and he shook his head. “You’re our people and he had better deal with this sorry bastard.”

Oh good, Adaar was a good guy. With Adaar’s support, Cullen actually took the charges seriously. I don’t know if he would have otherwise. I liked his character in the games, but there’s a gritty reality now that makes me doubt the people I loved in the story. But surprisingly, Cullen actually asked me what I wanted done to the man. I hugged myself and my aching ribs and moved closer to Adaar, letting the commander see how small I looked. 

“I don’t want him touching another girl.” I said softly. 

Cullen’s eyes flashed and he nodded decisively before turning to his men. “Strip him of his rank and take his right hand. After, put him out of Haven. We do not tolerate this kind of behavior in the Inquisition. Make sure all of the men know.”

The soldier started begging as he was dragged away but I just felt relief that Cullen had stepped up. He could have gotten away with sentencing much less. After the deed was done, Adaar looked at me with a scrunched up expression. 

“I know you from somewhere.”

“Before the breach… I gave you water.” 

His face brightened. “Oh yeah! Thank you for that! You were the first friendly face I’d seen since I woke up.” 

I smiled up at him. “I’m glad I could help. And… thank you for helping me and my friends.” 

I tried to slip away after that, but Varric fell into step beside me. He gave me an odd look when I changed course and headed to the writing area he normally hung out at. 

“So, the soldiers been giving you and your ‘friends’ a lot of trouble?”

“Just the one so far. I’ve been trying to keep us all away from them for the most part.”

He eyed me for a moment. “Can you fight?”

I shook my head. “I can throw a punch, but that’s about it.”

He nodded. “I’ll talk to Curly. See if he’ll give you some training. If you’re looking out for your people, you need to be able to fight.”

I laughed, my ribs aching in protest. “Thanks, Varric. I’d feel better if I could hold off a guy long enough for help to get there.” 

He hummed. “So, what’s your story?”

“Once upon a time, something blew a hole in the sky and I woke up in a tent surrounded by bloody people. I helped. To be continued.” I bowed sarcastically and he actually laughed. Worth the twinge of pain. I hoped that bastard hadn’t fractured something.

“I like you.”

“I’m flattered.” I grinned. “I like you too, but that pretty lady on your back seems to outshine you.”

“Bianca? Yeah, she’s a beauty.” 

“She is. I hope she keeps you safe.” I gave him a wave and slipped away to rustle up some work that would keep me closer to the council. I intended to meddle with the future of the Inquisition, and I needed access to information as well as excuses to keep running into Adaar. I almost ran into Solas and I felt the blood drain from my face as I abruptly turned and went the other way. 

Crap. I needed to stay away from him. If it came out in my meddling that I knew the future, he might decide I was a threat to him. He was smart, he’d see right through me if I tried to lie. I needed to stay out of his line of sight and notice. 

I managed to insert myself as a sort of messenger, my elven anonymity coming in handy. Cullen thought I was one of Josephine’s aides, Josephine thought I worked for Leliana, Leliana thought I worked for Cullen. It was surprisingly easy and I despaired for the security of Haven. Adaar started seeking me out, which I didn’t mind. He was lonely and a little freaked out by the Herald thing, and I was a friendly spot of irreverent affection for him to talk with. Again, he spoke too freely with information from a security standpoint. I could be a spy for all he knew. But I wasn’t, so I just hung out with him. Unless he was hanging out with Solas. Then I kept my head down and got the hell out of there.

Me and the girls had settled into our tree fort nicely. It was cold, but it felt safe. My ribs healed quickly, thank goodness, must be an elf thing. A rope climb is not fun with bruised ribs. My girls kept joking about me being the Keeper to their little clan, and that didn’t sit well with me. So I gave them an alternative.

“Nah, I’m just the biggest wolf in our pack.” 

They, of course, loved that and started calling the tree fort our den and us the Wolf Pack. It was cute and I took some of my free time to make them little braided bracelets with a wooden charm with a stylized wolf’s head. It was worth the small cuts I’d acquired while carving them just to see the looks on their faces. They loved them and wore them proudly and I felt very fond of my Pack. Harrill still looked a bit awed when I spoke but Onhalla just had a devoted sort of affection. I had somehow proved myself to them and they gave me their loyalty. It was a weird feeling. But they listened when I gave them instructions to start gathering up supplies for a long journey and they practiced when I started passing on the skills Cullen was teaching me with a knife. And after the initial ‘oh my gods it’s Cullen’ it was actually not that… well it was awesome but Cullen was a definite soldier… and shouted… a lot.

The Pack’s rules were simple. Be good to each other, be good to yourself. Look out for the little people. Protect each other. Care for each other. It felt like I was starting up my own little family. 

I caught wind of the fact that Adaar was heading out the Hinterlands to find Mother Giselle and I managed to catch him alone. We chit chatted for a minute before I bit my lip nervously. “Do you believe in dreams?”

He chuckled. “Like, future dreams?” At my nod he fell serious. “What did you dream?”

“I… Ice and blood at the crossroads. A woman’s breath is in a bottle in a fortress where reality tears. The scout needs help, the child of the stone can give her purpose.” I furrowed my brow as I tried to remember. “Watchtowers for horses, the demons have the wolves.” I shrugged. “I don’t know if it really means anything, but that was what I dreamed.”

Adaar eyed me for a long moment before sighing. “I’ll remember it just in case. You’re a strange person.” 

I grinned. “Never claimed otherwise, Oh Great and Wonderful Herald of Andrew.”

Adaar burst into giggles and I enjoyed his brief window of humor before a smooth voice made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “I believe it is pronounced Andraste.”

I whirled to see Solas staring at me curiously. I felt the blood drain from my face as I wondered how much he had heard. I quickly bowed to Adaar, who gave me a hurt expression, and got the hell out of there. I had to pass directly by Solas to get away and I heard him inhale slightly as I edged by him. Crap. Fen’Harel had my scent now. I could feel his eyes studying me as I escaped. 

Shoot. I had his notice now. I managed to avoid him for a while longer, focusing on training and protecting my girls. He started showing up at random moments, his eyes narrowing as I immediately fell silent and slipped away each time. I hoped he would eventually assume that I was scared of mages like pretty much everyone else and lose interest. But, because the universe enjoys laughing at me, I found out I myself was a mage with a particularly spectacular piece of accidental magic. 

I was carrying a message from Leliana to Cullen and it was late. The sun had set and the streets were mostly empty as I hurried to finish this last errand before I could go curl up with my pack. I saw a movement in front of me and stifled a screech as Solas himself nonchalantly stepped out into the pathway, obviously trying to find a moment alone to pin me down and talk. I panicked. It was dark, we were alone, and I wanted to get away but his gleaming eyes were focused on me in a way that reminded me of a hunting wolf. One moment I was alone in the dark with the Dread Wolf, and the next I was ten yards past him and running. I had Fade Stepped. 

I ran for the Commander’s tent before Solas could gather himself and go after me. My heart was pounding in my ears and my hands were shaking as I handed the message to Cullen.

“Are you all right?”

“Yes. Just, in a hurry to get to bed. Ran the whole way here and I’m out of breath.”

He was stressed enough to accept that terrible misleading truth at face value and I stayed long enough to collect my breath before facing the long walk out to the Den with a prowling wolf out there. 

As much as I loved Solas’ character, it’s downright disconcerting to see him in the flesh. He tries to hide it, but he moves too surely. Like a prowling cat, smooth and assured as his eyes gather information. He’s quiet and intense. The game never managed to show off how imposing he is to the average elf. He was about a head taller than me, and while he tried to dress himself down, you could still see the muscle under all those layers. He’s scary. Even scarier when you know exactly what he is and what he’s capable of. 

Fortunately, he wasn’t out there, that I could see, and I made my way to the Den without incident. Once there, I hugged my girls and told them that I had a magical outburst. They surprised me by being excited instead of scared, but I still promised them that I would start learning to control my magic so I could help them. We curled up in our pile, but I stayed awake for a long time, fretting over whether I would be able to protect them from Solas if he decided I was a threat. Would he even notice them? 

In the morning, I watched Adaar head out the Hinterlands with Varric, Cassandra, and Solas in tow. I breathed a sigh of relief and took advantage of the chaos to steal a book on wards from the Chantry library. My time was split between running errands, training with Cullen, and studying the book on magic in my spare time. It didn’t make sense, I was missing definitions and background despite my pouring over the game codex. I had been taking notes on a piece of pilfered paper, but it was almost full and I had barely gotten through the first chapter. Time flew by.

I was outside the walls, tucked between the walls of Haven and a large boulder as I read the book on wards by candlelight. Suddenly the hair on the back of my neck prickled as I felt more than heard someone approach and I looked up to find Solas staring down at me. Crap. They were back. I scrambled to my feet and shoved the book and papers into my pouch so my hands were free. I bowed and tried to make my escape, but he stepped forward casually, trapping me between the rock and the wall. The only way out would be for me to turn my back on him and climb. I wasn’t willing to do that.

“You are a hard woman to find.” His voice was nonchalant, still apostate hobo soft. “You avoid me. I would like to know what I have done so I may make amends.” He tilted his head slightly.

I had to suppress a squeak and I knew I looked wide eyed and nervous, but I remained silent. I was not going to speak, it’s too easy to get twisted up and let loose something you shouldn’t. 

His eyes travelled over me for a second before his posture shifted just slightly, his spine straightening and his feet moving just slightly further apart. It made him look larger, more deadly. “I have heard you speak to others, I know your voice is functional.”

I just stared at him, my heart pounding and my mind whirling as I tried to figure out how to get out of this alive. He sighed, a touch irritated. “You fear me?”

I glanced at my cornered position and where he stood between me and escape. His eyes followed mine and his mouth quirked just a bit in amusement. “Ah. Unfortunately, this was the only way I could keep you from vanishing before I discovered my transgression.”

I hugged my waist and kept silent, watching him warily. He was intrigued. He wanted to figure me out. If… if I could figure out how to keep him intrigued while also willing to not kill me as a threat...

“You refuse to speak to me?” At my nod, his eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared again, scenting. I wonder if he realizes he does that. He moved towards me and I stepped back, but he simply followed until there was barely a foot of distance between us and my back was pressed against the wall. “Why?”

I glanced at our position again and he shook his head, again with that slight lip quirk of amusement. “No, this is because I have spent too many hours trying to find a chance to speak with you. I would not have it cut short before I know why you avoid me in particular. You do not fear mages, you do not fear soldiers, you do not fear the Herald. Why me?”

My mind finally settled on a possibility for escape. Dangerous, playing with fire, but a possibility. I slowly reached out and rested my palm on his forearm. He stilled, muscles tense beneath my fingers. Gently, I slid my fingers up his arm and over his shoulder. His eyes were unreadable as he watched my face, but he was not pulling away or hitting me. I cupped the side of his face and brushed my thumb along the line of his cheekbone. His eyes actually fluttered closed for an instant and my heart ached. He really was touch starved then. 

I sidestepped past him and let my fingers trail down his jaw as I took advantage of his brief distraction and made my escape. I could feel his eyes boring into my back as I ran, but he let me go. 

I noticed him often the next few days, subtly watching me, subtly turning up wherever I went. He was stalking me. He wouldn’t come near me while I was with the Commander though, and I freely took advantage of that, training in most of my spare time to keep the hunting wolf off my throat. I had no illusions, he had my scent and I had his interest. He was hunting me. Adaar left him behind while he went to Val Royeaux and that gave him plenty of time to hunt. I scraped together a vague plan of action. 

Plan: stay silent around him. Don’t let information slip accidentally, and the frustration will keep him interested now that being unnoticed is impossible. Touch. He’s touch starved and isolated, it will make him invested, even slightly, in me emotionally. Lastly, get him to teach me. He loves to teach, loves to share knowledge. 

Plan vaguely in place, I let him catch me alone. I was back in the spot he had caught me, working through the ward book again. I was expecting him but he still managed to startle me by appearing silently in the path of my only way to escape. I scrambled to my feet and tucked my book away with my heart in my throat. He studied me quizzically before speaking. 

“You are still wary.” It wasn’t a question exactly, but I nodded anyway. He sighed softly. “And you still will not speak to me?”

He made a sharp movement and I flinched, stepping back like that would save me if he had decided to turn me to stone. A moment later I realized it was just an exasperated gesture, but now he was studying me in earnest. 

“I have questions and I find myself unsure how to ask them without frightening you further.” He said absently, his eyes flicking over my face.

I hesitated before deciding to jump in and ask. I put my hands together and opened them like they were a book, then used one hand to imitate picking up something from the other hand and putting it into my head.

He frowned, but seemed to pick up my meaning quickly. “You wish to learn something?”

I nodded and smiled brightly, pleased I had only had to use the one gesture. I pointed at him and then to me.

“You wish me to teach you something?” His eyebrow arched in skeptical curiosity.

I nodded and hesitantly pointed at his staff. 

“You want to learn magic.” His eyes flicked over me again and he pressed his lips together. “There are several mages within the Inquisition, perhaps one you are not frightened of would be a better teacher?”

I winced and shook my head. There was no way I was letting a Chantry raised mage teach me anything. I drew a circle in the air and made a face.

“Ah, you do not wish a Circle Mage?” He seemed pleased. That was good. We were communicating, I had his interest, and now he seemed pleased. Maybe I would make it out of Haven alive. And if I was honest… I got a little fluttery in the stomach when he apraised me again with that suppressed smile.

“And why would I be willing to expend that effort?” His voice was soft enough to dull the sharpness of his words. 

My shoulders slumped and I tried to step past him. If he wasn’t interested then I had nothing of worth to him. That he knew of. He reached out as if to catch my arm but stopped, his hand hovering a few inches from me. I still paused.

“If you will agree to speak to me, I will teach you.” At my smile he made a satisfied expression. “Do you agree to this?”

“Vin, Solas. Ma serannas.”

“Dirthas elvhen?” His eyebrows raised and he looked over me again. 

I shrugged and held up my index finger and thumb a little apart. Just a little. He frowned. 

“You agreed to speak to me.” 

I grinned cheekily and made a tada gesture. His eyes narrowed and the corner of his mouth quirked. 

“Ah. I forgot to be exact. Very well, you upheld your end of the bargain, I will do the same. Although, it will be a bit difficult if you continue to refuse to speak to me.” He raised an eyebrow expectantly but I just grinned at him. He shook his head with a soft sigh. “You are entirely unpredictable.”

I gave him another smile and reached out to squeeze his forearm gratefully. He stilled again and his gaze settled on my hand. I almost pulled away, but he spoke softly. “I would like to know why you fear me so I may make amends, but I suspect I must be patient for that.”

I swept my thumb across the fabric of his tunic in a slight caress before letting him go. He inhaled subtly and sat on the ground cross legged. I slowly moved to mirror him, keeping my spine straight and my hands loose on my knees. Bet the first thing he did was try to teach me to meditate. 

“First, you must learn to find your aura.”

Yup. He guided me through some breathing exercises, seemed pleased when I already knew how to do them perfectly. Eventually, I found what he was describing to me, a bright, sensitive sense of energy centered in my throat but radiating through my whole body. I was mapping it out when I felt something cold and green press against it curiously. Oh no he didn’t! I imagined my energy curling up and spiking out like a hedgehog. He made an undignified yelping noise and his magic was gone. I opened my eyes and frowned at him.

He had the good grace to laugh. “I should have asked before attempting that. I was simply trying to discover if you had found it.”

I rolled my eyes. I didn’t believe that for a second. Well, he was probably doing that. But also was probably being some sort of mysterious nosy on top of it. His intentions were as layered as his clothes. 

His eyes narrowed slightly. “Did you manage to find where it is centered within yourself?”

I leaned forward and rested my fingers on the hollow of his throat. His skin was warm and I could feel his pulse quicken. He swallowed beneath my fingertips and I withdrew my hand, my own pulse racing as I tried not to look scared at having touched Fen’Harel’s throat. 

“Unusual. Are you certain?” At my nod he hummed, already having collected his composure. “Meet me here tomorrow after the evening meal.”

Taking that as dismissal, I stood up and stretched my arms up over my head, and arched to the side in the half moon yoga pose to work out the stiffness in my back from sitting on the ground. I bowed slightly to him in thanks and edged past where he still sat. I could feel him watch me run away again. 

The girls were excited for me about finding a teacher, they were surprisingly pro mage for Thedas, and we spent most of our supper time discussing the kinds of magic I should learn. Onhalla wanted me to learn warming glyphs and how to conjure water and Harrill wanted me to learn how to set things on fire and healing magic. I wanted to learn both of those. They sounded like just the sorts of things I needed to know to take care of my Pack.

He found me in the Fade that night. I had been expecting him since he started hunting me, but this was the first time that I was aware of that he had found my dreams. I was dreaming of my old cabin and I was working in the garden bed by the pond. I had dirt on my face and the sun was shining as I dug and planted beans. It was satisfying, especially since the beans immediately sprouted and grew when I covered them in dirt. 

I felt him enter my dreams and looked up in apprehension. He had taken the form of a massive white wolf and I knew he didn’t expect me to recognize him. So I pretended not to. I very slowly rose to my feet and bowed politely to the wolf. 

“Hello, Ser Wolf.” 

His ears swiveled in surprise but his head ducked in response. Since I was pretending not to recognize him, I decided to give into my impulse. 

“May I pet you? You’re very pretty.”

His ears flattened and his haunches lowered like he wanted to back away, but after a moment he slowly walked towards me. I gave him a smile, careful to keep my teeth covered, and held out my hand, letting him decide whether to put his head under it or not. He sniffed my fingers and then hesitantly shoved his muzzle under it. I giggled at the thought that I was actually going to pet Solas and gently scratched by his ear. He let out a long sigh and his eyes closed. 

It wasn’t long before I was sitting by my favorite old oak from home, my back against its bark and Solas’ head in my lap as I petted him softly and hummed. It was very peaceful and at that moment, I didn’t fear him. It’s hard to be scared of someone when they make a pitiful whining noise when you stop stroking their head. I felt the tug of dawn and sighed. 

“I have to wake up now. I hope I dream of you again, Ser Wolf.” 

It was more of an invitation than I should have given, but I knew he would be back anyway. This was why I didn’t speak to him out loud though. 


	2. Chapter 2

The day was a bit brutal. I adopted another elf. She had been ‘working’ as a maid in exchange for food and a place to stay. The second I found out I marched her to Josephine’s office and asked if the Inquisition was in the habit of forgetting to pay their staff. 

Probably a bit harsh to start off with, but I wanted to make a point. Josephine was adequately flustered and hired the new girl, Mina, properly as well as promised me that she would look into the staffing arrangements and see that no more ‘incidents’ like this were happening. I thanked her and herded Mina out of the chantry. She followed me nervously to a secluded area, her eyes flicking over my face with a half nervous and half awed expression. I really needed to find a mirror and see what was going on with that. 

“I have a place, it’s away from the main village, away from the soldiers. Me and two others stay there. Would you like to join us?”

She nodded eagerly without hesitation and I frowned. “We all take care of each other, protect each other, share what we have. Is that okay with you?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m honored.”

I couldn’t help a chuckle. “Well, let’s gather your things up and I’ll show you where we sleep.”

It didn’t take long to gather her things. It was just a small bag, a change of clothes, and a blanket. She apologized for not bringing much to our clan, but I reassured her that she was enough, and that the extra blanket would be appreciated. Her eyes were shining with excitement when I scaled up the tree and dropped the rope ladder down for her. She put her bag under the canvas awning and I arranged her blanket alongside the others for the nightly puppy pile. 

“Do you think you’ll be able to find it again tonight?” At her nod I smiled. “I’ll introduce you to the others then and if they agree, you’ll be one of us.”

She went back to her duties with a straight spine and I suddenly realized that I should find that nervous elf that Adaar had accidentally terrified when he woke up. If she was that nervous then something was up. I spent most of the morning tracking her down. It was really hard to get a human to do anything but stare at you blankly when you asked them to remember an elf as an individual. Eventually I took to just singling out elves and asking them about a nervous brunette elf that might have assisted Adan when the Herald was unconscious. Lunch came and passed by the time I had a lead.

I found her by Threnn’s tent. She was standing with a basket of something in her arms and was staring at the ground as Threnn berated her for being a worthless assistant, loudly and insultingly. I had hated Threnn since my first playthrough of the game as an elf and nothing since had endeared her to me. I stomped forward and crossed my arms as I put myself between her and the elf.

“Maybe you should yell at me instead, bitch.”

Threnn actually gaped at me for a bit and turned red. She started to scowl and clenched her fist when Solas appeared out of nowhere, leaning on his staff casually. “The Spymaster has a message from the Herald for you.”

“Well, why didn’t you bring it?” Threnn asked sharply. 

Solas gave her a placid look and gestured at me. “I was speaking to the Herald’s friend here.”

Threnn paled slightly and took half a step back. “Oh. Carry on.” She glared at the elf girl behind me. “You’re fired.” She turned on her heel and stalked into her tent. 

The second she was gone I turned to the elf girl and touched her shoulder. She was shaking. “Hey, don’t worry. I’ll get you a new job. Until then, go find Onhalla at the healers, or Harrill at the Chantry. They have bracelets like this.” I moved my wrist so she could see the wolf charm but Solas couldn’t. “They’ll make sure you have food for the day and a place to sleep until I can take care of things.”

She nodded uncertainly and set the basket down. I put my hand on her cheek and she stilled. 

“Hey. It’s gonna be okay. I’ll take care of you. What’s your name?”

“Aelon.” She still looked uncertain but nodded and ran off towards the chantry. I watched her leave for a second before looking back at Solas, who was studying me with fascination. 

“Ma serannas, Solas.” He had stepped in to prevent me from fighting with the quartermaster and I appreciated it. 

He opened his mouth to speak but made a wry face. “I will see you tonight for our lesson.”

I nodded and bowed slightly before getting the hell out of there. First stop was again to Josephine, who gave me a wary look when I stepped in. “Yes?”

“There’s a girl named Aelon. She used to work for the quartermaster, but was fired when I asked the quartermaster to stop screaming at her. She’s a hard worker, if a bit skittish, and I was hoping you might find work for her.”

Josephine gave me a smile that practically screamed ‘why must you do this to me?’ but inclined her head agreeably. “Minaeve has been asking for an assistant. Have her show up in the morning to discuss her wages.”

“Thank you, Lady Ambassador.” I hesitated before speaking again. “If I may, I would suggest not allowing the quartermaster to have direct power over elves. In order to preserve the peace.”

She glanced over my face before nodding. “I will take that into advisement. Now, while you are here, will you take this to Leliana?”

I took her message and ran it to the spymaster, who gave me a strange once over, took a message from the spymaster to Cullen, who glared at the paper, and then spent the rest of the time until supper learning how to use a dagger. I made sure to track down Aelon and share my supper with her. Harrill shared with her as well, and between the two of us there was enough for all three of us. After supper I stole a cup of tea and headed for the walls for my evening meeting with Solas.

Solas startled me again, moving so silently that I didn’t notice him until he was looming over me. I smothered a shriek and jumped away, my back hitting the wall and my tea spilling over the ground. He frowned at me as I pressed a hand to my chest and tried to get my breathing under control. “For one so frightened of me, you seem surprisingly willing to put yourself in situations where you are alone with me.”

I shrugged and pushed myself off of the wall to kick some dirt over my spilled tea. I gestured at it wryly. Blood was easier to hide out here. I didn’t want to make more work for the servants or jeopardize his position in the Inquisition. He was important. His brow furrowed as he glanced between my face and the covered spill. 

“I fear I do not understand what you are trying to tell me.” The corner of his mouth quirked. “You could simply speak.” 

I rolled my eyes and plopped onto the ground and crossed my legs before looking up at him expectantly. His eyes roamed over me for a second before he sat directly in front of me and held out his hands palms up. I hesitated but slowly moved my hands out towards his. He arranged them so my hands were resting palm up in his. His fingers were warm against the backs of my hands and his eyes stayed focused on them. 

“I am going to cast a small fire spell through your hands. I want you to focus on it, study how it feels.” 

Small flickers of flame danced into life over my palms and I focused on the tingling through my hands. It felt like magic. His magic, but it was just magic. I studied it for a long minute before I gave up and just tried to focus my magic. I felt it race from my throat and through my hands and I imagined it turning into a pair of flames. They flickered into life next to Solas’ flames and I grinned happily. 

He made a thoughtful noise and removed his hands. “Excellent. You show an aptitude. We should talk to the smithy about creating a staff for you.”

I shook my head vigorously. Last thing I wanted was to have to lug a giant ‘kill me’ sign around.

“No staff?” His head tilted slightly and he inhaled slightly through the nose. 

I shook my head again and held up my hand, channeling a bit of magic through it to make the flame reappear. 

“It will be harder to focus magics without a staff. You will be at a distinct disadvantage in a battle.” 

I grimaced and shook my head. I chewed my lip as I thought it over and I noticed his eyes focus on my mouth. I moved my fingers to the dirt and drew a leaf, then a house, then I tapped a scar on the back of my forearm where a healer had closed up a nasty gash from training with a dagger. 

“Leaf, house, scar.” His eyes danced between the hints before he made a noise in the back of his throat. “Ah, you wish to learn peaceful magics. Healing, creation, and hearth magic.”

I nodded vigorously, then pulled my book on wards out of my pouch and showed it to him. He took it and I suddenly remembered I had tucked my notes in there. Shoot. He pulled them out and glanced over them with a furrow between his eyebrows. 

“You… have little to no experience with magic, but you wish to learn to ward.” His eyes flicked to me for confirmation. “Very well. You have a convenient list of where to start your education on the subject already prepared.”

We spent the last of the daylight going over my notes, him defining words for me and me taking notes on what he was teaching me on a separate sheet of paper. I was feeling pretty proud of myself when we managed to work through the entirety of my notes on the first chapter. I also had a base to work off of now. When the sun finally disappeared and I could no longer see my writing, I reached out and circled my fingers around Solas’ wrist. He stilled and I could see his eyes gleaming in the dim light. 

“Ma serannas, Solas.” I squeezed his wrist lightly and stood up, pulling my book and notes from his frozen grasp. I tucked them away and tried to edge past him but he stood in a quick, fluid motion and touched my elbow. It was my turn to freeze as he spoke quietly, his voice low and way more intense than the situation called for. 

“Tomorrow evening?”

I nodded and patted his fingers on my arm before slipping away to help warm my girls. Mina quite readily joined our Pack and proudly let me fasten a bracelet around her wrist. I pressed my forehead against hers with a smile to welcome her. Aelon looked at us nervously, looking like she thought she wasn’t allowed to be there. 

“Would you like to join our pack as well?”

She flinched. “I’m a flat ear.”

I shook my head firmly. “I don’t care about things like that. I care about taking care of my Pack, I care that we look out for each other, that everyone in the Pack helps each other out. If you are willing to pull your weight, to be a part of us, then I don’t care if you’re dalish, city elf, qunari, human, or dwarf. Our people are the ones we choose and the ones who choose us.”

They all looked shocked at that, but I was firm on the point. And it was enough to convince Aelon to join. She teared up a bit when I fastened the bracelet onto her wrist, but kept it in as I pressed my forehead against hers. 

“I will make us proud.” She murmured.

We all curled up in the relative safety of our den and I felt at peace as I fell asleep to the sound of my pack’s breathing surrounding me. Solas came to my dreams as a wolf again, and I petted his ears as we watched chickens peck at the dirt in my garden. He wouldn’t play fetch with me.


	3. Chapter 3

My status changed the next morning. I was no longer faceless and nameless. Leliana glanced up when I handed her a note from Josephine and she almost smiled. Immediately I was on the defensive. 

“What clan are you from?” 

I folded my hands behind my back and settled into the ‘at ease’ posture I’d seen a million times in the movies. If she was asking about my clan I must have a Vallaslin. I needed to fix that… I hadn’t had a chance to find a mirror and beyond being an elf I had no clue what I looked like now. But a vallaslin would explain the looks other elves gave me. Dalish were a bit of a fairy tale to city elves, and the humans would know by the lines that I was willing to fight back.

“You will not answer me?” She sat up, her pale eyes focusing on me and making my stomach flip. “Why?”

“I refuse to lie to you, ma’am.” 

She blinked, visibly surprised by that answer. “You could simply tell me the truth.”

“I will answer what questions I can truthfully, and stay silent on the rest.”

She studied me for a long moment. “Who do you work for?”

“You, Josephine, Cullen, the Herald. I serve the Inquisition.” 

“We did not hire you.”

“I volunteer.” 

“What is your name?”

I hesitated and her eyes narrowed. I didn’t want to give my human name. I wasn’t human anymore. I was apparently a Dalish elf in Thedas, trying to stop the end of the world. Maybe my looking Dalish was why my girls trusted me to protect them. “I can either give you the name others put on me in the past, or I can give you a name that I will answer to you by.”

She seemed to understand the unspoken ultimatum in my words. If she demanded my old name, I would leave. If she allowed me to recreate myself, she would have my loyalty. “What name would you have me call you?”

In a moment of pure contrariness, because I knew it was Solas who brought me to her attention and I knew this would get back to him, I made a name up that I knew would confuse him. “Fenenansal. Sally or Fen for short.” Fen meant wolf, enansal meant blessing, if you squished them together it probably meant something blasphemous for a Dalish. 

She wrote it down and I corrected her spelling gently. She gave me a placid look. “Would you tell me what Solas has done to frighten you? I can deal with the apostate if he has-”

I shook my head. Last thing I wanted was to cause trouble with him. “He has not harmed me.”

She gave me a piercing look and I made a sheepish half smile like I was embarrassed to admit something. 

“If one runs from a wolf, they will chase.” It was just a statement of fact, but she would take it as an answer.

Her eyebrows raised minutely and there was a quirk of amusement playing around her lips. “Ah. I see.” She switched subjects abruptly enough I was thrown enough to answer right away. “Can you kill?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never done it before. If you tell me to I can try? I’d rather not though.” I grimaced when I realized my mouth had run away with me. 

“If I told you to, you would try.” Leliana repeated slowly. 

Well. Better get this out of the way. “I… had a dream.” I looked down at my feet and tried to figure out how to word it truthfully. “I saw a bloodied bird who could sing the sweetest stories, a red lion pulling poison from his veins, a golden spider, and... “ I looked at her face to see her listening raptly. “A man with a glowing hand. They closed the sky. I… after the Conclave… I saw all of you and decided to help.”

“You had a vision, and you believe it was us?” Her voice was soft. 

I looked at her steadily. I had had that dream and I did want to help. “Yes, Nightingale. If you ordered me to kill someone on behalf of the Inquisition, I would do my best.”

She laughed then and it sounded just like her bubbly laugh in Origins. “Ah, you’re a strange one, Fen. Keep doing… whatever it is you do. I’ll find you when I figure out what to do with you.” 

I bowed and backed away. It was time to do some training with Cullen, maybe get him to crack a smile. He did indeed crack a smile, and even laughed a little bit when I swore up a blue streak the tenth time he threw me on my ass. I huffed and stood up, dragging the daggers back into position. 

“I- I think I’m… too small for this.” I panted but gamely. 

Cullen laughed again and rubbed the back of his neck. “I believe you are correct. Maybe you should try to find someone more suited to your style?”

“I’ll figure something out. Maybe I can find someone to teach me the bow as well as the daggers.” I headed to the practice weapon table to put up the daggers.

“Ambitious.” 

“Murphy’s law. Anything that can go wrong: will. I need backups for my back up plans.” I grinned at him and picked up a bow. “How’s this work?”

“Not like that!” He rushed forward and grabbed the bow from me, turning it around the right way. He snorted when he saw my impish grin. “You are teasing me now.” 

I nodded and picked up an arrow, fumbling with it when I caught sight of Solas in the corner of my vision. “Sharp end goes forward?”

“Maker’s breath, Fen.” Cullen sighed and I saw Solas startle, his eyes honing in on me sharply. “Yes, sharp end goes forward. But let us try this tomorrow. I have matters I must deal with.” 

“Alright. Catch you tomorrow.” I laid the bow back down and gave him a side hug. He stiffened in surprise and I skipped away in the opposite direction of Solas. 

I managed to avoid him until our evening magic lesson. I was just passing the rock when a shadow turned out to be Solas and I screeched and jumped. He took a smooth step forward and I took a shaky step backwards until I was once again backed into the corner between the large rock and the wall. Trapped. Again. He folded his hands behind his back and looked down at me, somehow completely composed but still terrifying. 

“Fenenansal?” He asked. His voice was soft but his eyes were intense. “An odd name. Wolf’s blessing?”

I held up both hands in a timid shrug. I had just thrown together two of the few words I knew in elvhen to be annoying, he knew what it meant better than me. 

“Still you will not speak to me?” He reached out towards me and I pressed my back against the wall in sudden terror he would take my stupid choice of name as a threat and ‘deal’ with me. But he just pulled a piece of straw from my hair. “You act as if I will strike you at any moment. I will not, you have my word.” 

I couldn’t help the bodily expression of relief at those words. I sagged against the wall and let out a ragged breath. He had promised. He could still kill me a million other ways, but it wouldn’t be hands on. I looked up at him to find him studying me with a furrow between his eyebrows. 

“You believe me.” He sounded bewildered. He was standing close enough I could feel the heat coming off of him. 

I nodded and reached out to tentatively put my palm on his chest, pushing slightly. He froze initially, but took a half step backwards, allowing me room to remove my back from the wall. He didn’t move any further though, and I found myself inches away from him, my hand almost trapped between our chests as I looked up at his face. His eyes were dark as he looked down at me and he exhaled sharply before finally stepping away. 

“We should begin your lessons, da’len.”

I grimaced and shook my head.

“No lessons?” He arched a brow, and when I rolled my hands guessed again. “You do not wish to be called da’len?”

I nodded and cupped my breasts, pushing them up in illustration. I was not a child. His ears actually turned a bit pink at the tips but he smiled smoothly. “Ah. Da’fen, then?”

I wrinkled my nose but shrugged in agreement. Little wolf was much better than child. It was my ‘name’ at least, if a bit cliche and slightly belittling. But… ‘Solas’, so expected. He chuckled and moved to sit on the ground. I sat beside him close enough that our knees brushed if we moved. It took maybe two minutes before he subtly shifted position and our knees were pressed together as he showed me how to channel my mana into the intricate rhythms warding required. 

I had managed to cast a small but solid ward by the time the sun set. I felt proud and elated. I could do magic! Useful magic! Solas quietly praised my attempt and I impulsively leaned forward and hugged him. His shock didn’t last long and his arms hesitantly went around my shoulders. I felt his face briefly press against the top of my head and then we both pulled away. 

“I do not understand you.” He studied me and shook his head. “Run on, da’fen. I will meet you here tomorrow evening.” 

I bared my teeth at him playfully and stood up, dispelling my ward instinctively as I skirted around him to leave and show my girls my new trick. He basically calls me puppy. I guess more like wolf cub, but still. It was funny. 

He visited my dreams again that night, but this time in his elf form. I startled badly and swore before I caught myself. I actually pressed my hands over my mouth as he walked towards me with that damned graceful prowl.

“Ir abelas, I did not mean to startle you.” 

I glanced around my dream scape and took a nervous step back. He didn’t have to hit me to kill me here. 

A strange expression crossed his face. “You will not speak even here?”

I nodded and shakily sat down by my garden. He moved around my little area in the fade curiously as I dug in the dirt. Then I felt him approach, his footsteps near silent in the grass behind me. His fingers brushed against the back of my neck and I froze, Felassan springing to mind. I felt his fingers run through the short hair on the nape of my neck and shuddered, half in relief and half at the sensation. He was just seeking touch in his creepy, mildly threatening way. 

“What is this place? Your past home?”

I nodded and leaned my head back to look up at him. The back of my head rested against his forearm and his eyes broke from their study of my scape to focus on me. 

“The spymaster believes your fear is an act to draw me in.” The question was implied.

Damn it, Leliana! I twisted my mouth in a contrary expression and moved away from his hand. I stood up and looked over at my tree, wishing he had just come in his wolf form so I could play with some soft fur. I looked back at him and tapped my forehead before jabbing my index finger in his direction.

“What do I think?” At my nod he hummed and folded his hands behind his back. “It is not an act. You do have a purpose, but I have not puzzled it out as of yet.” 

I rolled my eyes and walked towards my cabin. Hopefully he wouldn’t puzzle it out. He followed me but stopped at the threshold when I went in. I frowned at the bare cabin and began imagining the furnishings I wanted in it. A soft mattress against one wall, piled high with scrap quilts and knitted pillows. A small, crude kitchen area with a green mug and dried herbs hanging over the window. A desk covered in papers, a glass dip pen, and baskets of yarn and fabric. Knitted lace curtains, a knitted fabric rug, and the walls covered in framed embroidery projects depicting flowers, trees, and one wolf curled up in a garden. 

Solas eyes drank in the scene as I sat at my desk and pulled out some fade knitting. “May I enter?”

I hesitated. If I said no… he would probably stay out. He could have entered right behind me if he had the intention of just taking over my fade space. But if he did decide later to just come in, I’d rather have the illusion I had a choice in the matter. I nodded and watched him warily as he stepped into the memory of my old home. He prowled around the tiny confines of my cabin, inspecting my embroidery hangings, and brushing his fingers across the shaggy throw pillow I had knitted a lifetime ago. 

“It is very… comfortable.” 

I huffed and gave him a flat look while holding my index finger and thumb a little apart. He meant it was small.

He chuckled. “Yes, it is small, but I meant no offense. You have made it comfortable.” His fingers petted the pillow again. “Soft. You put much effort into making it so.”

I nodded and went back to fade knitting. 

“You lived alone?”

I pressed my lips together and mentally added a second and third mug and hung them on wooden pegs above the sink. One black with white flowers painted on, and the other yellow with blue swirls. 

He tilted his head and studied the mugs with a small smile. “You lived alone but you had people that you cared for. They would visit you.” He glanced at the bed. “Stay with you. This was your sanctuary but you shared it with those dear to you.” 

I sighed but nodded. He wasn’t wrong. I wondered how he would use that accidental revelation, but he surprised me by very seriously giving me a slight bow. “I am honored you allowed me to see your memory of your home.” 

I studied his face for a long moment, but he seemed entirely sincere. I gave him a small smile and he went back to petting the pillow. After a moment of silence I gestured to the bed, inviting him to sit. He hesitated but sank down into the nest of quilts, tucking his legs under him and pulling the shaggy pillow into his lap to pet while he watched me knit. We stayed like that, in surprisingly comfortable silence, until I woke up


	4. Chapter 4

My pack was four strong and so far we were healthy and safe. Our stuff was always packed and ready to go and I very earnestly made sure they knew that the moment the breach was sealed we were going to be hiding in the Chantry with every child we could find. It made them nervous, but they trusted me for some weird reason and agreed to obey. We ate together and split up for our respective day’s work. 

The Herald returned that afternoon, with Vivienne and Sera in tow, and he was apparently convinced I was for real. One of Leliana’s scouts gave me a message to deliver to Josephine in the war room and I didn’t think anything of it until I reached the massive door and realized that the council was gathered there. Oh shit. But I had a job to do and I nervously knocked and went in when Cullen called out for me to enter. 

I saluted and held out the sealed note to Leliana, who took it and dropped it on the table without opening it. I would bet it was empty. My eyes darted around the council and I wanted nothing more than to disappear as they studied me. They were a gathering of very scary people and they were all staring at me. 

Adaar spoke up first. “You’re not in trouble. We just had some questions.” 

I put my hands behind my back to keep from twisting them nervously. “I will answer what I can, ser.” 

“That dream you were telling me about before I left…” He made an uncertain face. “It… happened.” 

The council studied me and Leliana spoke up. “You spoke to me of a dream you had, of us. I thought it strange at the time that you would pledge yourself to our service on simply that, but now… Tell me, Fenensalan, are you a seer?”

I frowned. This was going to edge a little too close to a lie for my comfort. “I don’t know. I sometimes have dreams… sometimes...”

“You’re a mage.” Cullen’s voice was a bit sharp.

I nodded. “I discovered I had magic quite recently, actually. I’ve found a teacher and am learning to control it.”

He seemed slightly relieved by that. Adaar seemed lost in thought. 

“What would you say if I asked you to share any other dreams of significance you might have with us?” Leliana’s eyes were searching my face.

“Yes, ma’am. I will let you know of any I might have.” I grimaced. “And I’d ask… that you keep the source of your information private? I don’t… I don’t want a target on my back. I’ll help but I’m not… I’m not much of a fighter.”

She nodded, apparently satisfied. “That is a reasonable request. I’ll have you deliver messages to the council when we need to talk to you to give you a reason to be in here.”

Adaar gave me a grateful look. “Thank you. Any help at all is appreciated.”

I smiled at him. “No problem. Let me know who you decide to approach and I’ll do my best to help.”

The council stiffened. “What do you mean?” Cullen was still sounding sharp. I hope he let me continue training with him even though I was a mage. 

“You… A choice. A fork in the road that leads to forks in the road, one way leads to a broken circle searching for peace, the other to dying men trading sanity for strength.” I shrugged shyly. “Which fork you reach depends on which path you choose.” 

Cullen looked a little pale and Josephine was trying not to be obvious about the questions she had bottled up. Leliana looked stoic and unreadable and Adaar looked shocked and like I had given him his first breath of hope. 

“Which one is the better path?” 

I shook my head, I had already put a subliminal nudge in my phrasing and I wasn’t going to do anything more than that. “That is not for me to decide. Your choices are your own.”

He frowned and mulled that over before rephrasing his question. “Which choice has the fewest casualties? The highest chance of success?”

I gave him a lost look. “I don’t know that, ser. I’m sorry.” 

Adaar’s shoulders slumped but he gave me a slight smile. “It’s alright. You’re doing your best. Go on, we’ll call for you when we’ve made a decision.” 

I saluted and made my escape. That went… really, really well actually. I wasn’t locked up, there were no accusations of me being mad, just a polite request to share information in my own time. It was enough to put a bit of a bounce in my step. So of course, I ran directly into Solas. Like, swung around a corner and directly into him, only being saved from falling on my butt by him grabbing me and steadying me. 

His mouth quirked in amusement as he set me upright, his fingers lingering for a moment on my bare arms before he pulled his hands away. “Hello.” 

I opened my mouth to reply but shut it again quickly. I gave him a smile instead. 

He looked a little disappointed. “What must I do to get you to converse with me, da’fen? I find myself curious what you might say.”

I turned that over in my head. That had potential. I made a switching motion with my hands.

“A trade?” His eyes lit up and his nostrils flared as he unconsciously scented me. 

I nodded, then tapped my head with a shrug. Let me think. 

“Very well. I will also think of what I might have to offer in exchange for a few words.” His lips were curled in a slight smile at the promise of a game and I couldn’t help but reach out and playfully brush the back of my knuckles against his arm before turning on my heel and escaping. I felt Vivienne’s eyes on me but I ignored her. Last thing I wanted was to have to talk to her.

I collected another elf, this one a scrawny man with enough tiny scars around his eyes and mouth to speak of many, many beatings. He was being hit when I found him, a soldier cursing him out for dropping a box of potions and holding him up by his hair so he could backhand him. I, of course, summoned fire into my hands and bared my teeth at the soldier as I snarled at him to ‘let my clansman go’. I was feeling dramatic. But the soldier did let him go and beat a hasty retreat.

The elf was skittish and underfed and I thought he would faint on the spot when I knelt by him and asked if he was alright. Apparently calling him my clansman was a good thing? Because he assumed that meant I had ‘claimed’ him, and the second he found his voice he was assuring me that he would work hard and obey and that I wouldn’t regret claiming him. I helped him up and led him out of Haven and to my tree. I think he was a bit awed by the idea and when I told him he could stay with me and the girls, he fell silent for a long moment before bowing to me and thanking me again. 

We talked for a bit, me explaining that my ‘clan’ all looked out for each other and him agreeing and letting me know his name was Terys. I shared some of my food stash with him and sent him back to work with a clear invitation to bring his things up tonight so that he could join the pack properly. 

That evening, Solas had a certain swagger in his step as he approached our meeting spot outside the walls. He inclined his head slightly and smirked. “I have a book on healing magics, annotated by myself to be understandable to novices. I would lend it to you in exchange for the privilege of conversing with you tonight.” 

He gave me a moment to consider that, holding the book in question up so that I could see the title. “Will you accept?”

“Vin.” I made greedy grabby hands towards the book but he pulled it away slightly with a questioning expression. I sighed and rolled my eyes. “I’ll talk to you tonight in exchange for borrowing that book.” 

He allowed me to grab the book and I could see him suppressing a smile as I flipped through it eagerly. He had indeed gone through the book, adding notes and even crossing some sections out and replacing it with his own words. I grinned at him, excited about being able to learn to heal. I’d need to know this to take care of my pack. “This is awesome! Thank you!”

“You are welcome. Before we begin our lesson, would you tell me why you avoid speaking to me?”

I wrinkled my nose and carefully considered my answer. “No.” 

“Ah. It was worth the effort anyway.” He moved to our usual spot and sat, gesturing for me to do the same across from him. 

I sat close enough for our knees to brush and we had a very enjoyable lesson on wards. It was much easier to learn when I could ask questions and the time passed quickly. I was focusing on trying to channel my energy into a stable circuit when Solas startled me with a question of his own.

“You are an accomplished dreamer. How have you dealt with demons if you do not know how to ward against them?”

I blinked at him. “I… don’t know. I haven’t seen any. Well, there’s a wolf that shows up and he’s not mine, so maybe he’s a spirit? He hasn’t seemed hostile or anything.” 

There was the slightest flicker around Solas’ eyes when I mentioned the wolf and if I hadn’t been expecting a reaction I would have missed it. He was pretty good. 

“What has it done?” His tone sounded casually curious. 

“He lets me pet him.” I shrugged. “I tried to play fetch with him but he gave me a very flat look.”

His mouth quirked in amusement. “Interesting. Have you attempted to find other’s dreams?”

“No.” I made a face and laughed. 

He blinked. “Why not?”

“Why would I? I am content in my own. I don’t need to see other’s fears and hopes and subconscious desires. I poked around Haven for a while, but it didn’t take long to run through it’s past. I like my dreams, and I’ll stay in them until we go somewhere else with new memories.”

He hummed and it sounded slightly approving, but still confused. “You explored Haven so quickly? It is steeped in events.”

“Blood sacrifice, dragon cult, Hero of Fereldon, ashes…” I ticked the things off on my fingers and shrugged. “History repeats itself.” 

He sat back sharply, his eyes guarded. “What an interesting phrase.” 

I shrugged. “It’s true. Someone will decide they know what’s best for the world, someone will try to stop them. Over and over again till the sky falls.” I reached out and patted his knee. “It’s why I don’t bother with the large events. Life is made by the individuals. A mother is remembered for her pie, a man is remembered for his skill with a hammer, another for their stories. The world is made up of singular people all woven together to make up the world. History repeats itself in an overarching struggle of a few people scrabbling for power. I prefer my garden.” 

“But yet you joined the Inquisition.” He looked thoughtful. 

“There are evils in the world, and it’s up to us little threads to weave together to fight it. The people up top have no power without those under their command. Can’t save the world on your own.” How had this turned into a philosophy conversation? I glanced at the sky and was grateful to see the sun was almost down. “It is growing late. I will see you tomorrow, Solas.” 

I patted his knee again and stood up to leave, but paused when his fingers touched my calf. “May I dream with you tonight?”

“Yes. Good night Solas.” It felt like I walked away from the rock and into my dream space. Logically, I knew I had gone to my den and added Terys to the pack before I had gone to sleep, but it felt that way. Dreams could be weird. I was sitting on my bed and knitting when I heard a knock at my cabin door. “Who is it?”

“Solas.” 

I felt a bit disappointed he wasn’t dressed up as Ser Wolf, but I told him he could come in. He hovered awkwardly in the doorway, watching me knit until I patted the bed beside me and held out the shaggy pillow. The tips of his ears turned pink and my stomach fluttered at the sight of him feeling ruffled.

He prowled over and sank into the nest of quilts beside me with a quiet sigh of pleasure. I shoved the shaggy pillow into his lap and his fingers immediately dug into it. 

“Can you weave magic into physical objects?”

“Enchantments require lyrium.” His eyes darted to me curiously.

“No, like, if I focused my magic through my knitting needles and put it into my stitches like.. Like a ward?” I chewed my lip as I studied my knitting. I hoped it wasn’t a silly question.

His hand touched my arm slowly, as if he was afraid of startling me. Which was a fair concern. “What gave you this idea?”

“My mom. She didn’t have any magic, but she used to say you could feel what someone put into each stitch of something they made with their own hands.” I looked up at him to find him studying me with a wondering expression. 

“It… would require experimentation. I have not heard of anything like it in this age.” 

I hummed. If I got my hands on a pair of physical needles I’d be testing that out. His hand was still on my arm but I didn’t draw attention to it. He needed contact and I was willing to give it to him. And he was getting a lot less scary really fast. I needed to be careful. 


	5. Chapter 5

I was sent to deliver a message to the council the next morning. I squared my shoulders and very purposefully did not meet Solas’ eyes as I passed him in the chantry and knocked on the war room doors. I could feel the weight of his gaze on my shoulders as Cullen permitted me entry and the hair on the back of my neck prickled as I slipped inside. 

Adaar gave me a wan smile. “I… We decided last night. I’m going to go to Redcliffe to meet the mages.”

I gave him a bright smile, pleased he had chosen them. Leliana gave me an unreadable look. “Did you dream?”

“I didn’t, but I can try right now if you wish?”

Cullen frowned and his hand went to the hilt of his sword but they all let me sit down on the floor and lean against the wall. I closed my eyes and willed myself to slip into the Fade. It was a bit difficult to fall asleep with them watching, but I wasn’t going to assume they had actually made the decision before last night. I played in my dreamscape for a little bit, trying to remember how the questline went before I nudged myself back into wakefulness. 

They were talking over something in low tones, but the second my eyes fluttered open, Leliana called attention to me. 

“Successful dreams?”

I blinked. “The sun’s path is will be was twisted. She doesn’t remember reaching out, but will still accept the aiding hand.” I frowned as I considered how to phrase Dorian. “Sparkles in the chantry. Trust it, it will help mend the tear and more.” 

“Well that’s terribly vague.” Adaar laughed.

I smiled and stood to my feet. “Dreams often are. I’m sorry.” I didn’t dare say more. 

The council studied me for a moment before Cullen rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “Maker’s breath, you... “

“Are we still good for dagger training this afternoon?” I twisted my hands nervously. I liked Cullen, but I was everything he feared and hated, and now he knew it.

His lips twisted into a wry smile and his shoulders relaxed. “Yes. I’m afraid you’ll pick up the wrong end on your own.” 

I gave a conceding nod and Adaar laughed. His mirth seemed to break the tension in the room. Leliana’s eyes still studied me but it seemed more curious than suspicious. I glanced around. 

“Is that all?”

“That is all. You may go.” 

I saluted Leliana and slipped out of the war room, sliding the door shut quietly behind me. I turned around and had to clamp a hand over my mouth to keep from shrieking when I almost ran into Solas. His hands raised as if to catch me, but he let them drop with a slightly frustrated gesture. 

“Are you well?”

I nodded and forced myself to put my hands down, to relax. 

“You-” He sighed. “The night is over. I forgot.” 

I gave him an impish smile and slipped past him. He let me go. Or that’s what I thought until I felt him fall into step beside me. I gave him a cautious look but he pressed his lips together in a faint smile. 

“You were in there for two candlemarks. I grew concerned.” 

I shrugged at the implied question. I wasn’t going to speak unless he bought it off of me. He folded his hands behind his back and kept stride with me as I headed for my hiding place. He felt like he was bursting with questions, but kept a calm and placid demeanor as he walked with me out of Haven. I gave him a flat look as we moved along the side of the walls, but he just raised an eyebrow at me, daring me to ask him to leave. I had to think about it, consider the consequences of leading him to my pack. He would find out about them eventually. He already knew I had people I stepped in for, it wouldn’t take much for him to track the Den down. I sighed and let him follow me to my hiding place. 

His face when I started shimmying up a tree was priceless though. I’ll be framing that one in the Fade to keep forever. I climbed up to my platform hidden in the branches and settled in to read my borrowed book on healing magics. He’d either come up or not. I was a full chapter in when I felt the veil wrinkle oddly. I looked up with a frown just in time for Solas to appear right next to me as if he had stepped through space. 

I shrieked a little and fell backwards, but the crude railing caught me. He chuckled and set down a tray. 

“I brought lunch. And payment for your voice for the day and night.”

I put myself to rights and eyed him sceptically, ready to haggle down if I felt like it. But he produced a ball of brown yarn and a pair of knitting needles and I felt my eyes widen in happy shock. He smiled smugly. “I will trade these for the privilege of you using your voice with me today and tonight. Is this agreeable?”

I nodded and made grabby hands. “Yeah! Definitely.” 

He made a slight expression of distaste and I guessed it was at my lack of composure. So I straightened my spine and put on my customer service face. 

“We find the terms of this agreement to be acceptable.” His head tilted slightly in curious approval and I changed my posture again, moving my shoulders forward to press my breasts together and leaning towards him to look up through my lashes. “Vin, Solas, sathan.” I purred breathily. 

He inhaled sharply and his eyes darkened before he smiled wryly and handed the yarn and needles to me. “I find I prefer the second voice.”

I happily unwound a bit of yarn and began casting on. “They’re all my voice. I have others. Relaxed, sexy, formal, angry, a person can have many voices and many faces. People are rarely simple.” 

His mouth twisted. “I have found differently.”

I shook my head, I wasn’t going to argue about the complexity of modern people with him right now. “Go be misanthropic in your own head. I’m going to try something.” 

He looked slightly offended in the corner of my vision, but it quickly turned to curiosity as I started focusing my mana like I did when I cast wards, imagining it channeling along the needles and along the yarn as I worked the stitches, weaving the intent of warm comfort through the fabric as I worked. I didn’t stop channeling until I had cast off, finishing the spell, or what I hoped was a spell, with the final tug of yarn. 

I wove the end of the yarn into the fabric and held up the finished product, feeling a bit drained and exhausted, but satisfied. It was a simple cabled wrist cuff, but I could feel a faint hum of energy from it. I let out a tired sigh and handed it to Solas. 

“What do you think?”

He took the cuff and turned it over with a slightly surprised expression. “It… feels like warmth and comfort. Softness.” He looked at me intently. “It feels like your dream scape.” 

I smiled and rubbed my throat, feeling drained. “Good, that was what I was trying for.”

“Then you were successful. You are exhausted.” Solas nudged the tray of food towards me. “Eat.”

I pulled the plate of cold food towards me and eagerly stuffed a bite of bread into my mouth. He tried to hand the wrist cuff back to me but I waved my hand dismissively. “You can have it.”

He froze, his eyes darting between the cuff and my face, his expression carefully blank but his gaze intense. “You… would give your handiwork to me? The work of your hands and magic? You expect nothing in return?”

I nodded with a shrug. “You like it. You can have it. It’ll match your tunic.”

He exhaled sharply but slid it onto his wrist, fingers stroking it gently before he spoke. “Ma serannas.” 

I had the feeling I had done something shocking and meaningful, but I couldn’t quite grasp what in my near exhausted state. “So, how long will the ward last? I haven’t left one up to see how long they linger.” 

Solas was still absently stroking the cable pattern as he answered. “Your focus was impeccable. I would expect the ward will last several months.” 

“Cool!” 

A furrow appeared between his eyebrows at the slang and I couldn’t help a chuckle, but he didn’t ask what it meant. Instead he sat back and composed himself into hobo apostate unassuming. “Is this where you have been sleeping?” He gestured at my platform and bedroll. 

I nodded and spoke around a mouthful of food. “Yeah. It’s pretty comfortable.”

“Why do you not stay in the city walls? There is room and more secure shelter.” His eyes flicked over the six bedrolls folded on one side. 

I snorted. “I tried that the first night here. Friend got her ass grabbed and I got called a knife eared bitch when I punched him. Men are better mannered in the daylight, so we only go in in the daylight.” 

His jaw was tight as he glanced back at the city. “Who?”

“I already took care of them.” I said softly.

He glanced at me scathingly. “Oh? How did you do that? Throw yourself on the kindness of the Commander?”

I snorted. “You’re a bit of an ass sometimes. But no. I broke their nose, and then they attacked another friend, so I found them in the daylight. Followed them. Waited until the right moment, then let them catch me. They attacked me right in front of Adaar and he made sure the Commander took the guy’s hand.” I shrugged. “Taken care of.”

He eyed me thoughtfully, his eyes alight with interest, and I realized that I probably shouldn’t have revealed my ruthless streak so early. “Ah. That was the incident that had the Ambassador verbally fencing with the Orlesian.” 

I hummed noncommittally. 

“And why didn’t you simply go to the Commander?” He mused. 

I touched my ears and raised an eyebrow as I spoke cooly. “Because he wouldn’t lose a hand for just touching a servant, but he would for attacking the Herald’s friend.” 

That earned a hard smile. “Fascinating.” 

“I will do what I must to protect me and mine.” I smiled sharply, letting my lips curl up to show my teeth. I may not know exactly what I look like yet, but I could feel I had very sharp canines with my tongue. 

Solas suddenly looked wary but tried to hide it with a scholarly tone. “Maybe we should discuss what you have read while there is still daylight?” 

“Yeah, sure.” He winced a bit at my sudden turn into an informal and upbeat tone but I pulled out the book and opened it to a page I had marked with a leaf that was mostly crossed out. “This right here, I couldn’t read your notes past the scribbles.” 

He gave me a flat look but it was tinged with amusement. “Your mood changes as the wind.” 

“ ‘Voiceless it cries, Wingless flutters, Toothless bites, Mouthless mutters.’” I kept my voice low as I quoted the riddle. 

He thought for a second. “The wind. You are… interesting, da’fen.” He glanced over at the bedrolls again but said nothing, instead helping me understand the theory I was missing. 

By the time I heard footsteps at the base of the tree, Solas was claiming I could heal minor injuries. He paused in his explanation and subtly reached for his staff at the noise. I shook my head and motioned to wait. After a second, I heard Onhalla call out. 

“It’s us, we brought someone for you to meet.”

“Come on up, I have a guest here.” 

Solas gave me an odd look and waited patiently as we heard the grunts and creaks of my people climbing up. Terys was first and he gave Solas a wary look as he hauled himself and a pack onto the platform before turning around to help a kid up. When the kid was safely onto the platform, Terys moved to me and pressed his forehead to mine in greeting. Onhalla was next, and she greeted me the same way, and then Harrill, Mina, and Aelon as well. Once I had finished greeting my pack I introduced Solas to them, and then turned to the kid with a soft smile. 

“And who might you be?”

“Jim.” The kid looked maybe twelve years old and had a nasty bruise on the side of his face. He was human, which explained why Harrill was twisting her hands nervously together. 

She spoke up. “He’s elfblooded, his mother died at the conclave and the other kids, they…” She gestured at his face. “I didn’t know if you’d let elfbloods into your clan, but he was hurt and I... “ She trailed off and looked down.

Solas was watching with obvious interest as I considered. “Do you have any family, Jim?” 

He shook his head. “I been mucking stables for a place to sleep and running errands for food.”

“My clan looks out for each other. We help each other, protect each other, share with each other. Is that what you want?”

“Yes, Keeper!” His eyes lit up and he actually clasped his hands together like a prayer.

“I’m not a Keeper.” I laughed. “I’m Fenenansal, you can call me Fen. We meet up here to sleep each night, share food, and make sure we all made it through the day. During the day, we try to keep an eye and ear out for if the others need help. Think you can do that?”

He nodded eagerly and I smiled and waved him over as I dug into my pack for another bracelet. I worked on them while I waited for messages to be written so I had a few made up already. I wrapped the bracelet around his wrist and pressed my forehead against his. “Welcome to the pack, Punk.” I pulled back and brushed a finger over his bruise. I glanced at Solas, who was still watching with bewildered fascination. “Can… do you think it’d be safe for me to try and heal this?”

He nodded, his eyes intent. “Yes, I believe so.”

“Can I try to heal this, Jim?” The kid nodded so I carefully channeled my mana like Solas had explained and cast the healing spell. It left my fingers in a blue glow and I suddenly remembered I was drained. I sat back heavily and Terys steadied me as a wave of dizziness made my vision swim. “It worked!”

My clan looked completely in awe but Solas looked concerned. “You learn quickly, but you need to rest. Eat, sleep. Let your mana regenerate. I will speak to you later.” He looked around and inclined his head politely at my clan. “Farewell.” His mouth twisted as he suddenly realized his options were either fade step down or climb down in front of everyone. He sighed and began climbing down and I snickered despite the fact that he was graceful. 

We waited until his footsteps had faded from our hearing, and then my clan turned to me with shocked expressions. “Your teacher is Ser Solas? The Herald’s companion?” Onhalla exclaimed. “How did you convince  _ him _ to help?”

I nodded with a smirk. “I have my ways. But, he’s not part of our pack, so be cautious around him.” 

We ate, told our stories of the day, made sure Jim was welcome. And then I must have fallen asleep because I was sitting on my bed in the cabin and Solas was knocking on the door. I let him in and he walked around the cabin as I sat at my desk to play with my dip pen.

“What happened to your old clan?” 

“That’s none of your business.” I said gently. 

“Very well. But you started your own clan?” He moved to lean against the desk and watch me make a looping pattern. 

“I started my own pack. Was an accident, but here we are.”

His eyes flicked to me curiously. “Pack?”

“Yeah, like a wolf pack. All hunting and working together, family but more.”

“I was under the impression that the Dalish feared wolves.”

I snorted. “So?”

“You do not?” He glanced at my face meaningfully, which reminded me that I still hadn’t gotten around to finding out what vallaslin I had.

“I respect wolves. They’re intelligent and fascinating creatures.”

He was visibly shocked but changed the subject. “What does punk mean? I have never heard the word before.” 

I laughed and did a bit of fade bending so that I was dressed in torn black leather with spikes and heavy black makeup. I grinned at his startled expression. “ Nae king! Nae quin! Nae laird! Nae master! We willna' be fooled again!”

I stood up and did a twirl with an air punch so he could take in the full effect of my outfit. “Be good to yourself, be good to each other. Punch the tyrants, help your fellow punk. Fuck the system and don’t ever mistake kindness for weakness.” 

I let myself switch back and sat back down, looking up at him with a smug smile as he openly stared at me in astonishment. It took him several seconds to gather himself back under control.

“That… I have never seen armour like that before.” He shook his head and inhaled sharply like he was trying to shake sense into himself. “What you said sounds… chaotic.”

“Anarchy.” I grinned and started doodling. “I’m a big believer in personal freedom.” 

He eyed me thoughtfully. “You do not fear me any longer, himal’syl.”

Why couldn’t he ever use my name? “No, I’m fucking terrified of you still.”

His eyes narrowed slightly and his nostrils flared. “Why?”

I reached out and rested my fingers on his arm. “I’m not going to tell you that. You have nothing to fear from me.”

“But you do from me?” He pushed himself off of the desk and loomed over me. I shrank down into my chair instinctively. 

“Y- You’re stronger. Bigger. More powerful, and better trained. You’ve killed before, I haven’t.” I said quietly. 

“The same could be said of the Commander.”

“Always back to him with you.” I murmured. “But yes, and I am scared of him too.”

“You joke and train with him.” His tone was almost accusatory. 

“And I learn to weild a weapon, and when I inevitably end up with a split lip from protecting my people, he will remember me as the rabbit who makes him laugh.” I looked away and hugged myself, feeling trapped and very, very small.

He was silent for a long moment and I refused to look at him. Maybe if I didn’t look it would be easier if he decided to kill me. Finally he spoke and his voice was soft. “Here I thought I was acclimating you to my presence, easing you to let your guard down around me and reveal your secrets.” He laughed quietly. “Instead, you learn to control your magic and when whatever comes to light that will make me a danger to you, I will think of you as my fascinating student.”

I hunched my shoulders defensively. “I was trying to leave you alone.” 

“No, no. You mistake me. I find myself… impressed.” He paused and laughed again. “And the silence! You fear giving too much away, so you stay silent. But when I did not leave well enough alone, you again turned it to your advantage, using my curiosity to buy yourself knowledge and more with simply the sound of your voice.” 

I finally looked at him, he really did sound impressed, and when I searched his face, his eyes were almost glowing as he studied me. Finally he smiled. “I look forward to seeing what you become, himal’syl.”

I hesitated and he started for the door. “Wait.”

He turned back to me with a questioning expression.

“You can stay.”

He inhaled slowly and shook his head. “Himal’syl. Why would you allow me to stay when I am a danger to you?”

“You’re not going to hurt me tonight.” I shrugged. “And… you’re alone. Wolves aren’t meant to be alone and right now I’m the only other one around.” His eyes narrowed at my comment but he said nothing. “So, as a punk, I say you can stay and play with that pillow you like so much while I draw.” 

He lunged towards me suddenly and I reflexively scrambled backwards out of my chair. He grabbed my wrist in one hand and my throat in the other and my back hit the wall. He twisted my arm so the wolf charm resting against my inner wrist was bared to him and snarled out a stream of elvhen at the sight of it. I stared up at him with wide eyes, my heart racing and every hair standing on end as his eyes sparked with power inches from my face. 

Shakily I reached up with my free hand and twisted my fingers in the fabric of his tunic, not shoving or pulling, just holding on while he decided what he would do. His grip on my throat wasn’t tight at all and I focused on that as he repeated the elvhen but a bit slower. 

I swallowed and forced my voice to work. “I don’t- I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you’re saying.” 

He studied me for a long moment before he closed his eyes in a pained expression and released me. He tried to step backwards but my fingers were still tangled in his tunic and he didn’t seem willing to yank away. “If you do not recognize the words then I have my answer.” He glanced down at my hand and I slowly released him. “I apologize for attacking you in your sanctuary.”

I laughed shakily. “I was right. You didn’t hurt me.”

He exhaled sharply and stepped back. “I should go.”

“If that’s what you want.” I hugged my waist nervously and waited for him to decide what he wanted to do. I assumed that the elvhen was a passphrase for his agents. I was leaning pretty heavily into the wolf symbology, but I really did have a fondness for them. 

“I will trouble you no further.” He bowed slightly and started for the door but I reached out and touched his elbow. He froze and looked at me with an unreadable expression. 

“I- Will you still meet with me tomorrow evening for my lessons?”

He glanced at me incredulously but jerked his chin in an abrupt nod. “Ma nuvenin. It is the least I can do. For now, I believe it is time for you to wake up”

I opened my eyes to find Jim sprawled across my chest, Mina on one side, Terys on the other, and Onhalla’s legs across my own. They were solid and warm and I breathed in time with my pack until my heart stopped racing. I may have kept my composure in the Fade, but now panic was clawing at my stomach at how helpless I had been. I had pressed too far, said too much, and Solas had reacted. But still. He hadn’t hurt me, and had actually looked regretful. I was alive, and he would show up tomorrow- this evening so we could talk further. I put an arm around Jim’s shoulders and watched the sky lighten with dawn.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Fen sorta sings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IclmVdWNbI

Sera caught me while I was helping Onhalla make potions in Adan’s cabin. Adan had caught wind that we had helped the healers and had enlisted us, brusquely but politely enough to convince me to help. I was absently chatting about the dangers that storing explosive oils near a residential area caused when I heard a familiar manic giggle and jumped to my feet. I flung the door open and stuck a finger in Sera’s face. 

“No! This cabin and everyone inside are making sure that there are enough potions for the little people to get them too instead of just the soldiers. If you wanna prank someone, go prank prissy bitch in the chantry. She yelled at one of my girls so feel free to rain prank ”

She blinked before giggling. “Prissy bitch. I like you. You look all elfy but you don’t sound all elfy, yeah?”

I snorted. “I’m the elfiest elf that never elfed, but you can just call me Fen. Now, you’re gonna leave Adan and Onhalla alone, and we’re gonna go catch a mouse and stick it in someone’s hat. Good, yeah?”

“Yeah!” Her face brightened and she grabbed my arm and started dragging me off. I dug my heels in and switched directions. 

“To the stables. There’s always mice in the hay.” 

“So, you aren’t what I was expecting. Word is you run the elves here, collect them up like your own little army, yeah? Expected someone snotty, better than you and full of weird words.”

I snorted and waved at Varric as we passed him. “I just find the little people that get stepped on and take care of them.” 

“And prissy bitch stepped on one of yours?”

I nodded and swung up into the loft above the stables, Sera close behind. We started rummaging through the hay bales. “Aelon. I got her a job with Ruffles because I don’t want her being yelled at. She got sent to deliver a message to Vivienne and apparently tripped and spilled wine onto her robes. Vivienne yelled at her, made her cry.”

“So, mice in the horns. Gotcha!” She triumphantly held up a squeaking mouse.

“Yup. And she’s going to have to get her own tea the rest of the time she’s here.” I spotted a rustling in the hay and pounced. It took me a little more time to catch, but soon we had a pair of mice and way too much hay in our hair. 

Varric raised his eyebrows when we passed him again, but I just wiggled my eyebrows and winked and he chuckled, obviously assuming Sera and I had ‘rolled in the hay’. We passed Solas too, who frowned minutely when he took in our appearance. He obviously wanted to talk to me, but I just tapped my mouth and shrugged as we moved past. I gave my mouse to Sera before we entered the chantry and she melted into the shadows while I headed straight for Vivienne. 

“Madam de Fer.”

She looked down her nose at me but spoke politely enough. “Yes?”

“Word has reached me that you mistreated one of mine.” I folded my hands in front of me and smiled with a hint of teeth.

“Do you mean the serving girl who ruined my robes? I merely chastised her. She will never learn if she is not taught.”

“You made her cry. And I cannot forgive that.” I could see Sera rummaging through Vivienne’s things on her desk.

Her eyes narrowed. “And who might you be?”

“I am no one. I am nothing.” Sera gave me two thumbs up before sneaking away.

Vivienne let out a quiet hum. “Well, you seem to be correct.”

I grinned outright at her attempted slight and it seemed to throw her. “And as no one and nothing, I say that none of mine will attend to you.” I curtseyed mockingly. “Good day.”

With that, I left to go spread the word among the pack, leaving Vivienne to stare at me with concealed confusion. First stop was Josephine’s office, where I let her know that none of my people would carry messages or anything else to Vivienne until she apologized publicly to Aelon. The ambassador seemed shocked, but unwilling to press the issue with me. I tracked down Adaar and told him as well, and he laughed and said he’d make sure no one got punished. Love that guy. Then I told my pack, and to my surprise, Jim spread the word to the other servants. They didn’t refuse to serve her, but took their sweet time when they did, purposefully misunderstanding demands or taking a very long time to carry their tasks out.

By lunch time, Vivienne was fuming and trying to get Josephine to order the servants to listen to her. Josephine relayed my demands, along with Adaar’s support, and I grabbed Aelon and hid in the chantry with her so that we could watch Vivienne grab her ridiculous hat to go speak to the Herald. We got to see firsthand the famous Madam de Fer screech and trip when the mice ran out of her hat and onto her arms. Aelon teared up again and hugged me, whispering roughly in my ear. “We are pack.” 

It… was a bit dramatic for just a prank and a soft strike, but I figured that Aelon hadn’t had much experience with friends before so I just hugged her and pressed my forehead against hers. “We’re pack. You’re mine.” 

With that, we slipped out of the chantry and left poor Josephine to deal with Vivienne. Jim ran up and gestured for me to follow, so I did. He led us to the servant’s area, where there was a young elf girl with a split lip holding an elf toddler. 

“This is Lahnehn and Rasa. They need a pack.” He clasped his hands together nervously. “I can share my food with them and help take care of Rasa. They won’t be any trouble, and Lahnehn knows how to sew and read and…” He trailed off and looked at the elf girl uncertainly.

She inhaled shakily but shifted Rasa onto one hip so that she could hold out a hand and a slight flicker of light sparked over her fingers. “I don’t know much, but I can keep it under control and do a few healing spells.” She whispered. “I can be useful, Lady Wolf.”

I ran a hand over my face. “Please, I’m just Fen. Jim, show Lahnehn to the Den if you would. We’ll make sure everyone is okay with her joining the Pack tonight.” I reached out and touched Lahnehn’s arm. “Stay safe. I’m going to go make sure there’s a way to get Rasa into the Den safely.”

I glanced at Aelon and she nodded with a determined smile. “I’ll help keep an eye on her. You go take care of things, Lady Wolf.”

“For the love of-” I caught her shy but mischievous smile and laughed. “That had better not stick.” I reached out and ruffled Jim’s hair before pressing my forehead to Aelon’s and heading off to go rob Threnn of some more rope and a basket so I could make a temporary lift. 

It was easy to nick the items and I had them tucked under one arm as I nonchalantly headed towards the gates. Solas fell into step beside me and I gave him a small smile. He seemed startled by the expression and frowned.

He waited until we were outside the walls before speaking. “I heard of what befell the Lady Vivienne. Your doing, I assume?”

I nodded and headed for my den. He hesitated but stayed beside me and followed me up into the tree when I beckoned him. I sat cross legged and started knotting the ropes together. 

He studied me for a long moment before speaking. “If I may ask: what would be the price of your voice? Indefinitely.” 

I frowned as I thought. I knew exactly what I wanted, but it wasn’t safe to ask him to get rid of whatever vallaslin I had just yet. I shook my head with an uncertain twist of my mouth.

“But there is something you would ask?” His eyes gleamed faintly at my nod. “Very well. I will be patient.” 

I gave him a grateful smile before finishing up making the lift. I set it up and tested it before nodding in satisfaction and turning to Solas. He was watching me with a slight head tilt. When he saw I was looking at him he spoke.

“The Herald asked me to accompany him to Redcliffe in the morning. In order to have the time I need for preparations, would you be amenable to having our lesson now?”

I nodded and impulsively reached out and grabbed his hand, tracing a pattern on his palm like I was writing. He inhaled sharply and eyed me intently before guessing. “A glyph?”

I gave him a bright smile in answer and let his hand go to rub mine together briskly before pressing my warmed palm to his wrist. He exhaled softly and let his fingers brush over mine before he gently pushed my hand off of his arm. 

“A warming glyph? Very well, durlahn’syl.” 

It didn’t take me long to learn the glyph for a steady warming, as well as one that would summon fire if touched, and one that emanated a steady source of heat and light. All of them could be controlled by how much mana I poured into their creation. A lot of mana meant a hotter glyph, and all I had to do was break their lines with a bit of mana to dispel them. It took more time to fine tune them, to figure out how much mana meant how much heat. When I finally managed to draw a large warming glyph that would keep the Den comfortable at night, I couldn’t help but throw my arms around Solas in excited gratitude. 

He stiffened in surprise, but ducked his face into the crook of my neck and inhaled once before gently pushing me away. “You are welcome. I must go now, but I will resume our lessons when I return from the Hinterlands.”

I nodded and tucked away my things before slipping over the edge of the platform and climbing down to earth. He opted to fade step down and walked beside me with his hands folded behind his back. We walked in silence for a time before he spoke again. 

“I feel I must apologize again for my actions last night. I… should never have laid a hand on you, especially within your sanctuary.” 

I glanced at him and could practically see him mentally shredding himself over his loss of composure and the force used as well as the fact that he had terrified me again. I knew he was freaking out over being discovered while everything was going wrong, but he didn’t know that I understood. I reached over and wrapped my fingers gently around his wrist. He was still wearing the wrist cuff I had given him so I flicked at it with my thumb as I gave him a soft smile.

He inhaled shakily and shook his head. “You forgive too easily.”

I bared my teeth and wrinkled my nose in disagreement as I squeezed his wrist and let him go. He pressed his lips together grimly. 

“I know the nature of my transgression this time, and I would ask your permission to make amends.”

This was important to him. I studied him for a moment before nodding seriously. He closed his eyes briefly in what I would swear was relief. 

“It will take some time to prepare, but I will have it for you when we return from the Hinterlands.” 

I smiled at him again, then froze as the gates came into sight and near the gates, the very recognizable, very large form of everyone’s favorite Ben-Hassrath. That wasn’t good. He was too sharp, he’d see right through me. He’d figure out where Adaar was getting his information in a heartbeat. When had Adaar recruited him? Solas seemed to note my sudden unease and followed my gaze. He gave me a slightly amused look. 

“He’s a qunari just as Adaar.”

I rolled my eyes and hit my forehead with the palm of my hand with a universal ‘duh’ gesture. 

Solas’ eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “Something about that particular qunari then?”

I bit my lip and ignored the question as I headed for the gates. I’d need to tell my pack to be careful what they said around Bull. Until he decided if he was leaving the Qun or not, he was not trustworthy. I realized Solas was watching me with that hunter’s look and gave him a nervous smile before straightening my spine and resuming my path towards the gates. Avoiding Bull would only make him more suspicious. 

I was hoping to get through the gates without being noticed, but the second Krem caught sight of me, he pushed off of the wall he was leaning against and grinned at me. “Hey, Dalish, this one of your friends?”

Dalish and I both grimaced at him, but she was the one who spoke. “Not every elf with vallaslin knows each other.”

He laughed and jerked a thumb towards the gates. “Herald’s looking for you.” 

I nodded my thanks and tried to get moving again, but Bull appeared out of nowhere and blocked my path. He was very quiet for such a large man. I had to crane my head back to look at his face. 

“You’re a quiet one.”

Solas took my elbow and guided me around the looming qunari. “She is at times. Farewell.”

He grunted good naturedly and called after me. “Skinner can teach you to fight with daggers.”

I half turned as we walked and waved at him with a smile. I might take up that offer. Cullen did his best, but it wasn’t his area of expertise. Solas gave me a curious glance and spoke as soon as we were reasonably out of earshot of the Chargers. 

“Is that your reflex when dealing with people who unsettle you? To fall silent and then accept their help?” His voice was low and had a note of amusement. 

I snickered and shrugged. It did seem to be that way. Solas somehow led me directly to Adaar. I bet it had something to do with following the Anchor. But Adaar brightened when we came around the path and then laughed and dropped something when I lunged forward and hugged him. 

He picked me up and squeezed me before setting me back down. “I just wanted to let you know that we are headed to the Hinterlands to meet with the Grand Enchanter in the morning.”

I smiled at him and patted his arm. His brow furrowed. “Your voice all right? Normally you’re much chattier than this.”

Solas stepped back. “I will take my leave.”

I waited until he was out of sight before sating Adaar’s curiosity. “It’s part of a game we’re playing. He hasn’t played his part today so I don’t talk around him.”

Adaar’s eyebrows flew up and he made a disbelieving sort of laugh. “You got Solas to play a game?”

I grinned with too many teeth. “It’s a game of wills and wits. Of course I did.” 

He shook his head. “You’re a scary woman sometimes, Fen.”

“I’m barely seven stone and I’m eye level with your belly button.” I crossed my arms in fake irritation. 

“Yeah. And with that in mind, I got you something.” He picked up a bundle he had dropped when I hugged him and thrust it into my arms.

I opened it up to find a green cloak so dark it was almost black, with brown wolves embroidered around the hood and a carved wooden clasp. “Oh, Adaar! This is beautiful! Thank you!” I teared up a bit and he shifted uncomfortably. 

“Just. Take care of yourself while I’m gone.”

I swirled the cloak on and hugged him tightly. “You stay safe. I’ll have a gift for you when you get back, and only if you get back.”

I hugged him goodbye, he was planning on leaving before the sun rose, and then I tracked down Varric and hugged him. I don’t hug Cassandra, but I did find her and wish her safe travels. She seemed surprised by it, but gave me an odd smile and thanked me.

We welcomed Lahnehn and Rasa to the pack that night and while Lahnehn got a bracelet, I just pressed my forehead to Rasa’s and accepted her sticky fingered cheek pat. She was too young to be anything but the pack’s cub. My pack was elated over the warming glyph, and was even more elated when I showed them I could make a smaller one hot enough to heat a pan up. Apparently no one had ever thought of using magic to cook. Shame, because it doesn’t take wood or send up light or smoke. We could cook in the Den now. 

That gave me ideas, and I was playing with them in the Fade after I fell asleep. I was figuring out how to create a functioning kitchen in a tree house. The heat glyphs for cooking were simple enough, but I was trying to figure out how to create running water without piping or pumps. Maybe an ice spell? That melts? I couldn’t remember the kinds of magic available in Thedas, but I was playing around with the ideas and writing notes for myself when I felt a prickle in the hair on my neck. 

I looked up to find Solas in his wolf form, looking around my playground in interest. I smiled at him. “Ser Wolf! I’ve missed you! Would you like some ear scratches?”

His ears flicked in either annoyance or embarrassment, but he prowled over and rested his head in my lap, inhaling in a relaxed sigh as I dug my fingers into the fur on the side of his face. I banished my playground and formed the fade space back to my cabin. We curled up on the quilts on my bed and I contentedly petted his ears. Eventually I started humming and he seemed to enjoy that, perking his ears up and pressing his cold nose against my throat in obvious question. 

I rolled my eyes but started singing quietly. “ Do you know the enemy? Do you know your enemy? Well, gotta know the enemy.”

He stiffened and looked at me with an expression I couldn’t read on a wolf’s face, but I just dug my fingers into the fur on his throat and scratched and his eyes half closed in pleasure. “The insurgency will rise, When the blood's been sacrificed, Don't be blinded by the lies, In your eyes. Violence is an energy, From here to eternity, Violence is an energy, Silence is an enemy. So gimme gimme revolution!”

He blinked in surprise and tilted his head and I couldn’t help a smile as I tried to remember all of the words to one of my favorite songs. “Overthrow the effigy, The vast majority, We're burning down the foreman of control. Silence is an enemy, Against your urgency, So rally up the demons of your soul. Bringing on the fury, The choir infantry, Revolt against the honor to obey.”

I was pretty sure I had gotten some of it mixed up, but I didn’t mind. I flopped backwards onto the bed and hummed. “So what kind of spirit are you? Comfort? Hope? Compassion?” I squeaked when he stuck his nose against my throat again and reached up to pet his ears again. “Maybe a demon? Not desire, because then you’d look like a chocolate cake.”

He snorted and it almost sounded like a laugh. 

“Pride? You’re pretty and all.” I couldn’t help the hint that I knew who he was. 

He let out a long suffering sigh and I giggled. “Oh well. Don’t try and possess me and you can visit anytime for ear scratches and cuddles.”

He hesitated but rested his muzzle on my chest. It was comfortable, and softly, the Fade played my memories of the song I had sung.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for panic attack near the end of the chapter

The Den was full. Nine people, even elf people, was a tight squeeze for the platform. Terys mentioned something about expanding, but I just shook my head and said this was temporary. His eyes flicked to the bags that I had them keep packed and ready to go and his mouth pressed into a grim line. He left it at that, but I knew it wouldn’t be the last I’d hear of it. 

Sure enough, the next evening when the whole pack was gathered for an update on how our days had gone and then to sleep, he spoke up with a surprising amount of steel in his voice. 

“What are we waiting for, Lady Wolf?”

“Terys, please don’t call me that.” I sighed. It was a losing battle I was fighting with them.

Onhalla set her jaw but put a comforting hand on Lahnehn’s arm when she flinched. “What are we waiting for, Lady Wolf?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose and let out a long, resigned breath. “The sky is healed but fire screams from the sky until silence buries Haven.”

There was a long silence that seemed to choke me. I gathered up all of my nerve to find my pack staring at me with pale faces and wide eyes. Aelon surprised me by being the first to speak.

“What must we do?”

I chewed my lip. “Keep your things ready to go at a moment’s notice. When the Herald heals the sky, we will gather everything and go to the chantry. We will take every child we can, every elf that will listen to us. We will stay in the chantry no matter what, until the path to escape is revealed.” 

Lahnehn hugged Rasa to her chest and her breath shuddered slightly in fear. “Thank you, Lady Wolf.” 

I grimaced. “I don’t think I need to tell you, but, my… visions? Nobody can hear about them. I need it to be a secret. People, enemies, wouldn’t hesitate to kill me for them.”

Jim scowled but pressed his fist over his heart and bowed his head. “Your secret is safe with me.”

The rest echoed his promise and I pressed my forehead to each of theirs in thanks. After that we curled up in our puppy pile over the warming glyph, our limbs a comforting tangle of community.

It was another week before Adaar came back. During that time, Vivienne had managed to hire her own set of servants, Sera and I terrorized her and any other snob that mistreated my people, my pack grew more confident and I actually started getting reports and rumors from them as they realized people talked around them. I’d set Lahnehn in charge of teaching Jim to read, and after the first day a few other elvhen kids showed up and listened in to his lessons. She started teaching them too with a quiet but fierce proclamation that ‘our people must look out for each other’. As for Bull…

Bull kept his sharp eye trained on me as Skinner taught me my way around a pair of daggers. Training was brutal but enjoyable. I liked learning to defend myself. I liked learning to protect my people. I liked the strain on my muscles, the flash of triumph when I made a move correctly, the lift of my lip when I failed. It was fun. Less fun with a Ben-Hassrath studying me, but I couldn’t help that. I just kept silent around him.

Word had reached me through Aelon, who heard it from a scout reporting to Leliana, that Adaar would arrive the next day. Without the mages. I wasn’t surprised, but everyone except for my pack was freaking out about it. I think that was what made Bull finally try to speak to me. 

He caught me right after a lesson with Skinner and held out a box to me. I gave him a curious smile and tilted my head, but didn’t take it. He grunted in amusement. “I think I figured it out. So, these are for you, and then you talk to me.”

I laughed but looked at the box consideringly. He opened the lid and I gasped at the sight of a pair of silverite daggers. Deal accepted! “Oh, Bull! They’re beautiful!”

He made a satisfied sound in his throat and shoved the box into my arms. “I knew it. Now, I was wondering, why?”

“Silence is an energy against your urgency.” I absently quoted and ran a finger along the beautifully polished handles of the daggers.

He was silent for a moment before chuckling. “What all do you know?”

I grinned at him with a touch of too much teeth. “Is this an interrogation?”

Bull hesitated. “No. Personal curiosity. You’re a strange one.”

I closed the box and tucked it under my elbow so I could give him a one armed hug. He made a surprised sound but hugged me back, despite Krem’s laughter behind me. I stepped back and gave him a sad smile. “I will answer you when I can be sure that what I say doesn’t end up back in Par Vollen. Until then, we can be friendly.”

He pressed his lips together but nodded. “Fair enough. You should join us for a drink tomorrow night.”

I laughed but nodded. “Sure thing. Getting me drunk won’t make me talk more though. You just might find my hands in awkward places.”

His eyebrows raised. “I wouldn’t mind that.”

“I like to be on top.”

“I can work with that.”

I burst into giggles but winked at him. “Well, we’ll find out when we have those drinks.” I sashayed off, feeling his eyes on me as I left. A tumble in the hay with Bull could be all sorts of fun. Unwise, but fun. I’d have to see how that went. 

Dorian arrived early evening and I shocked him by marching straight up to him and welcoming him to Haven. He blinked at me for several moments before pasting a smile on.

“No fear of the Tevinter magister?”

“Only of your mustache.” I grinned and motioned for him to follow me. “I’ve got a cabin set up for you. You can make sure you’re back to sparkly and pretty by the time it’s time for dramatics.”

He laughed and fell into step beside me. “I must say, this is the warmest welcome I have received and you insulted my mustache.”

I gave him a sympathetic smile. “I also complimented you twice, Sparkles. One insult for every two compliments. Keeps you from getting the wrong idea.”

“An excellent strategy. I might steal it.”

“Go right ahead.” I gestured to the cabin set aside for him. Josephine had been accommodating to my request. “And here you go. This one is for you, the hobo is housed across the path if you want to argue with someone.” 

“You are a delight.” He grabbed my hand and kissed it dramatically before I managed to slip away.

I cared for my pack, my pack cared for each other, and the Herald and company arrived late in the morning. Solas’ eyes were heavy on me as I ran up in my wolf’s cloak and hugged Adaar. I pressed a carved wooden pendant with a simple warming glyph on it, with an excited explanation that it would only last maybe a week, but I could replace it whenever he needed. He was touched and I thought there might be tears in the corner of his eyes, but he just took my arm and led me to the war room. Solas’ gaze was still on my back as I slipped into the room behind Adaar. 

I tried to disappear against the wall, but Adaar kept his arm through mine and took me directly to the war table. My heart was in my throat as I was forced to face the council and I wished I could disappear under Cassandra’s hard gaze. 

“You’re scaring her, Cassandra.” Leliana said softly, though she was studying me just as intently.

“She is an apostate who claims to dream of the future.” Cassandra gritted. 

I felt my blood drain from my face and I tried to step back. “I’m not- I don’t…”

“Seeker.” Adaar said sharply. “She is trying to help. Leave her alone.”

“We went to the mages and there is time magic, which is what I assume the confusing sentence about the sun was about.” Leliana said as if Adaar and Cassandra weren’t having a stare off over my head. “We find ourselves at a loss as to what to do next. Have you dreamed?”

“Only that something happens to Haven after the breach is sealed.” I shook my head. 

She knew what to do and how to do it, and now they had enough warning to be wary. Josephine seemed disappointed, but Leliana kept that perfectly bland expression. Adaar finally let me slip away from him and I went and sat in the corner and pulled out my knitting. I was working on a baby hat to keep Rasa’s ears safe during the trek to Skyhold. I kept my head down as they argued and discussed, and I glanced up and gave Dorian a slight wave when he burst in, but kept to my knitting, trying to focus the intent of warmth into the forming fabric. Frostbite was probably pretty nasty for exposed elf ears. 

I may have been focusing too much because I eventually realized that I was being picked up and carried. I clutched my knitting tightly, but couldn’t summon the energy to open my eyes. 

I dreamed. Dreamed for real, the scattered, fragmented dreams that made sense while you were sleeping but when you woke up you had trouble remembering why. Stone walls, laughing and crying by winding stairs, falling and landing on a desk. Thin air and thin trees. Where was a wolf to hide their cubs with such thin trees? Red eyes and blue and black fur and white. Cold.

I woke up feeling cold and somewhere soft. That wasn’t right… I patted the area next to me and my hand sunk into a mattress instead of a sleeping elf. I bolted upright and then was immediately hit with a wave of dizziness as my head throbbed and my throat felt like someone had tried to strangle me. 

“Easy, Himal’syl.” Solas said soothingly and I felt a hand push me back down. 

Solas. Hangover. Bed.

Oh shit. 

I felt panic spike through me and scrambled away from his touch, patting myself down even as the throbbing in my head made my vision go fuzzy. My hands met fabric. I was still dressed. I let out a shaky breath of relief, drunk one night stands were not what I needed to be having with Fen’Harel. 

“I did not touch you inappropriately.” Solas said stiffly. “Please lay back down. You are suffering from mana exhaustion.” 

Oh… I slid back down onto the mattress and put my hands over my eyes. I felt terrible and exhausted. 

“You used far too much raw magic at one time. You must build your strength slowly.”

“Lecture later. Fix now.” I really shouldn’t be talking to him, but my head hurt.

He made a noise I was in too much pain to interpret and then he lifted one of my hands from my face and something cold and  _ ringing _ was pressed into my hand. I snatched my hand away and forced my eyes open. “What?”

“A lyrium potion.” He said dryly, his face shimmering in and out of focus. “It is the quickest way to relieve the symptoms of mana exhaustion.”

“Thank you but no thank you.” I shuddered and pressed my hands back over my eyes. Then remembered I wasn’t supposed to be talking to him. 

He was silent for a long moment. “Another option is simply to rest.”

I nodded, and forced myself to sit up and swing my legs off the side of his bed. Back to the Den. My head was throbbing and my bones ached, but there was no way I was drinking Titan’s blood, and there was no way I was staying in Solas’ bed. I heard him sigh sharply, and then his hands were on either side of my head. I flinched at the unexpected contact and just as quickly as it appeared, the touch retreated.

“Forgive me. I was going to ease the headache.” 

Oh. I nodded and leaned forward slightly and his fingers cautiously went to my temples and I felt something cool and fresh wash over me, chasing back the throbbing in my temples and throat. I let out a sigh of relief and leaned into the sensation, which ended too soon.

“Ma serannas.” I murmured, then cautiously stood up. My head felt better, though I still felt weak and wobbly. 

“You should rest.” Solas said, and now that my vision wasn’t swimming I could see he looked concerned and perplexed, his hands hovering towards me even as he avoided touching me as I moved. 

I nodded but took a shaky step to the door and he let out an exasperated breath and something in elvhen. “You are not fit to hike out to your tree in this state. Please, rest. I will not- I’m not going to force myself on you. You are safe in here.”

I blinked and looked at him in shock. Somehow… that possibility hadn’t occurred to me. He looked… grim. Hurt that I had feared that but understanding and now I felt bad. I felt my shoulders fall in defeat and I shuffled back to his bed and sat heavily, feeling drained from even that short bit of exercise. I leaned against the post of the bed and watched as Solas moved about the small cabin until he set a plate on the bed beside me with a homely looking sandwich and then offered a small mug of something hot to me. 

It smelled… minty. Astringent and like the tea tree oil that my friend swore by. I took the mug and sniffed it curiously, then opened my mouth slightly and inhaled the steam through my nose and mouth at the same time. Astringent, minty, a hint of something earthy and… green on the back of the tongue? Regeneration potion. I’d made a few with Adan. I tipped the mug at him in thanks and sipped at it. 

He was watching me with a slight head tilt, his lips parted as he studied me, still looking perplexed. Our eyes met and he startled and turned away, busying himself with the stack of books on his desk against the wall. I felt much, much better by the time I had finished the mug, and my blood didn’t throb painfully in my head when I leaned forward to set the mug down on the floor and begin tearing at the sandwich with my fingers. 

I still felt tired. I glanced out the window and was shocked to see it was dark. I needed to check on my pack! I stood and Solas lifted his head from his papers with concern. 

“Himal’syl?”

I held up my wrist and jangled my bracelet in illustration and his face cleared. “Please, sit, I will let them know you are well.” He rose and went for the door and I swayed in indecision. He opened the door and then made an amused sound. “Or perhaps you can tell them yourself.” He stepped aside and gestured for someone to come in. 

Terys. The skittish guy glanced at Solas as he stepped in, his fingers twisting nervously in a small bag. “Lady Wolf? Is everything all right? He says you used too much magic and needed to sleep. I kept watch.”

I nodded and sat back down on Solas’ bed. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was using so much. I’ll be alright in a little bit, I’m sorry I worried you. Is everyone alright?”

Terys nodded. “Yes, no one’s been troubled and the glyph you put in the Den is still holding so we will be warm tonight.” He hesitated, casting another glance at Solas, who was pretending not to listen even as he stood over the smaller elf. “Are you… staying here?”

Solas started to answer. I saw him open his mouth and start to lift his chin in a nod, then stop himself. I figured that was enough invitation. “For tonight, yes. My legs are a little shaky. I should be right as rain after some sleep and back with the pack.”

I gestured for him to come closer and pressed our foreheads together, murmuring a quiet thank you before bidding him goodnight. He looked reluctant to leave, but did and I felt… exhausted as I laid down on the bed and felt myself drift into the fade. There was a vague sense of dreaming, I knew I was dreaming, even as it flashed around me. Stone towers and stone floors. Cold and empty, waiting to be filled with hope. Wolves in circles and wolves in paints. Open sky and thin air. Steps walked a thousand times, where will I put my pack? The dream slowly became more recognizable and I found myself trailing my fingers over the stone steps of the Skyhold courtyard, Solas watching me from his wolf form nearby. 

Oh shit.

I woke up with a startled gasp, flailing a little bit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Solas had seen me dreaming of Skyhold. Me waking up woke Solas up and he blinked at me from across the room. 

“Are you alright?” He said and moved towards me with a hand out as if to check me for fever. 

Oh, right, I wasn’t supposed to know that was him. I managed to let him put his hand on my head without flinching, but said nothing, instead pushing myself up to a sitting position as he stepped back. He regarded me for a moment, his eyes glinting in the dim light. Did my eyes glint like that? They probably did, I had elf eyes after all and elf eyes reflected light like a cat’s. He turned back to his desk and shuffled around, then held up a pouch towards me. 

“Needles, both sewing and knitting, and various spools of threads.” He explained. My eyebrows lifted in interest and the corner of his mouth quirked in a slightly smug expression. “For you, in return for you speaking to me tonight and tomorrow.”

“I accept.” 

He nodded and gave me the pouch and I opened it up to admire the little vial of needles and spools of thread. There was a set of double pointed needles too so I could knit socks. 

“Ma serannas.” I touched the needles gratefully. This was a very thoughtful barter. 

“You woke troubled.” He said, but did not ask.

I busied myself with examining the pouch as I considered what to say. “I… dreamed. Not my dream scape, but a real dream.”

“Was it a bad dream? There are many brutal events remembered by the fade here.”

I shook my head. It felt silly to be talking about my dream when I knew he had seen it. I had to be very, very careful what I said… “I was dreaming of somewhere else I think. Somewhere…” What was that phrase? “Tar… tara…  Tarasyl'an Te'las?”

I was watching him closely from the corner of my eye and saw the slight, there and gone, shock on his face. He took a half step towards me. “You dreamed of Tarasyl'an Te'las?” Was that hope? That… could be complicated.

“I guess? It was… as nice a dream as you can have about a place. But I felt worried… Such a big, old place, where do I keep my pack?” I huffed and carefully closed up the pouch. “It’s silly. I know. ‘Just find a room’, but that’s not… that’s not a den. I need somewhere safe for us. Somewhere that’s… ours.” 

“You care about them.” He paused. “Worry about them.”

I nodded. “Most of them were in trouble when I found them. It’s rough out there for those like us.” I subtly gestured between me and the door instead of me and him. I didn’t want to get into a Dalish argument right now. Though… that might be a good distraction. 

His eyes flicked to my face despite himself and damnit, I really needed to figure out what I looked like. “Like you?”

“Knife ears.” I said bluntly. “Knife ears, flat ears, rabbits, rats, whatever they call us at the moment. It’s rough, but when we stick together, help each other out, it’s easier.” A yawn interrupted me before I could begin speech making. I needed to be more careful with my magic. This sucked. 

He had a mirror. It was small and sitting on the wash stand. There was a straight razor next to it. But he had a mirror, a real mirror. I dragged myself to my feet and he started to make a protesting noise until he realized I wasn’t heading for the door again. I shuffled to the wash stand and peered into the mirror. 

Short cropped red hair, yellow eyes, big ol’ elf ears. My mind filed all of that away in a corner as the biggest part of my brain was blaring klaxons and alarms and ‘what the fucks’ as I stared at my face. I had a vallaslin, but that was no ordinary vallaslin. That was a vallaslin that shouldn’t exist. A pair of red, stylized eyes on my forehead, another pair on my cheek bones. Red swirls surrounded my real eyes and the lines swirled together over my face to give an impression of a six… eyed… wolf… Oh fuck. 

“Himal’syl?” Solas said softly, and his hand touched my arm and I was already panicking, already had my heart racing in my ears and my legs were shaking and his mark was on my face and I felt like I was going to be sick.

I wrenched away from his hand and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Fen’Harel wasn’t supposed to have a vallaslin. Fen’Harel… was reaching for me again and his mark was on my face and he- Did he think he owned me? 

I ran. 

I ran from the cabin and he called after me in concern, but his mark was on my face and he- I ran until I made it to the Den, climbed up and everyone was still asleep so I curled up on the edge of the platform and curled up in a ball, hugging my knees to my chest as I forced myself to breathe. 

In-one-two-three-four. Hold-one-two-three-four. Out-one-two-three-four. Hold-one-two-three-four.

Until I could breathe without shaking and my pulse wasn’t pounding in my ears. I was utterly exhausted and I rested my chin on my knees and closed my eyes. I didn’t dream that time, and woke up feeling groggy and achy again when the pack started stirring. Onhalla was shocked to see me and threw a blanket around my shoulders.

“What happened? You were supposed to be safely tucked away in a warm, soft bed.” She picked up my arm and looked at it and I realized she was looking for bruises. 

“I’m alright, really. I had a dream and wanted… I wanted to be back with my pack.” 

The morning shuffle halted and they all looked at me.

“A dream?” Terys asked hesitantly. 

“A dream… a place in the mountains I think. I dreamed I was searching in it for a place for us to live.” I shrugged and put on a smile. Onhalla still looked concerned so I added, quieter. “He didn’t do anything. Just tried to help.” 

She looked relieved and I pulled her in to press our foreheads together. There was a procession where all the pack wanted head bumps before they filed off for the day and I waited till last before going to wash up and then go back to find Solas. To figure out how to handle, to explain me panicking and running from him without getting myself killed. I half hoped to find him in his cabin, so of course I ended up jumping and shrieking when he appeared in front of me before I was even to Haven’s gate. 

His expression shuttered and he held his hands up and took a step back. I shook my head and reached out to grab his sleeve before he could retreat completely. “Sorry, you just startled me. I thought I was going to find you in your cabin since I kept waking you up.” I inhaled and let my words spill out as they would. “I’m sorry for running away like that. You were being very helpful but I just had a terrible shock and panicked.”

His face was unreadable as he looked at me. “What happened?”

“I…” I reached up and touched my face and carefully worded the truth. “I don’t know how I got this vallaslin.” 

His eyes widened, his lips parted, his hand twitched as if to reach for me. He took in a slight breath of air, his nostrils flaring as he scented me, and… he looked relieved and shocked and suddenly I was crying and scrubbing at my face and I knew it was pointless, you can’t just  _ scrub _ off a blood tattoo. 

“Himal’syl…” His fingers suddenly wrapped around my wrists and pulled them from my face and he was speaking in elvhen and for some reason it made me angry.

“I don’t know what you’re saying! I don’t know what you’re saying and I don’t know how this got on my face and I don’t know what you keep calling me!” I was sobbing, hiccuping between words, and he had my wrists trapped. “You’re always calling me things but it’s never my name and I only ever understand a third of what you say!”

“It means changing wind. Ir abelas I only...” He looked lost and a little terrified.

Somehow that made it better. He looked terrified at a sobbing woman and… that made this whole thing funny enough that I was able to inhale and compose myself. Sure, I was still crying and I was pretty sure he could feel how badly I was shaking through where he was still holding my wrists, but… “My name is Fen, and I need to… I’ll talk to Varric about helping me find books. I need to research.” I closed my eyes and focused on trying to smooth out my breathing. 

“Research?”

“I… I have to find a way to get this off of my face.” I automatically moved to point at my face but only succeeded in tugging futilely at his grip. “You… can let me go now. I’m not going to claw my skin off.” 

He hesitated, and there was an instinctive, visceral realization that if he didn’t want to let go there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it, but he loosed his fingers and released me. I kept my eyes closed, too shaken to look at him, but really, really needing some boundaries right now. “I can say please, thank you, I’m sorry, help me, wolf, and yes. A few other words, but that’s all the elvhen I know. My name is Fen, and if you want to talk to me in elvhen, please teach it to me first.” 

“Ma nuve-” He paused and I let out a short laugh, in relief at him agreeing and a bit amused that he had already messed up even while trying to agree. 

“As you wish happens to be one of the few other words I know. Ma serannas, Solas.” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings for implied rape near the end of the chapter, nothing is described or outright said

I managed to have a farewell breakfast with Adaar and apologized to Bull for passing out from magic exhaustion rather than drinking contests. Sera was disgruntled, but I cheered her up by letting her take a pen to my face, on the condition she didn’t draw bits. Adaar claimed she just drew a mustache like Dorian’s on my face, and I pressed an inky kiss to Sera’s cheek before heading off to find Dorian.

He started to greet me, then his face went into a reflexive polite smile, then his mustache twitched, and then he started giggling. “I- I didn’t realize you admired my- my-” 

I grinned and struck a dramatic pose. “I wanted to be dashing, sparkling, and have ridiculous taste in facial fashion.” 

He was still giggling when I went to go back to my sort of job as a messenger. It was midmorning, Adaar, Dorian, Varric, and Solas had left for Redcliffe, and both of my prospective research sources were gone. That… put a dent in my plans. I was going to have to figure out a way for Solas to get this off of my face without revealing I knew he knew how to get it off of my face, which wasn’t even touching the problem I Was Not Thinking about, which was he didn’t  _ want _ it off of my face. 

Nope. Not thinking about it.

At. 

All.

I set a message onto Leliana’s desk and turned to leave, she stopped me with a soft. “Fen.”

“Ser?” I turned and immediately fell into the ‘at ease’ pose. It helped me look more professional. Or at least feel more professional. There was still an inked mustache on my face.

“You don’t look at the messages.”

I blinked, a bit surprised. “Of course I don’t. They’re official… Inquisition… This sounded a lot better in my head. I’ll leave it at, ‘I would never look into Inquisition messages, especially one of yours because I like my life’. Ser.” 

“Interesting.” Leliana’s gaze flicked over me. “How is your pack?”

“Well. I learned how to keep the den warm and Jim is learning to read very quickly. Rasa is breaking another tooth, and Lahnehn and Mina promised to make us jackets once we piece together enough fabric. Aelon is getting more confident, Onhalla is turning into a den mother, which is great, and Terys is surprisingly protective, and Harril is doing an amazing job learning to create potions. We’re getting along quite well.” 

She looked startled for a moment. “Well. To be honest I was hoping to shock you with my knowledge of your pack.”

I blinked at that. “You’re… the spymaster.” I blurted out, then realized I shouldn’t have meta knowledge. “I wouldn’t be surprised if one of my pack was one of yours even.” I laughed and shrugged. “Besides, I said I would answer truthfully what I could.” 

“So you did. So you did.” She murmured, then flicked her hand dismissively. “Go tell Josie to put you on the payroll.” 

Oh. Pay. How on earth had I forgotten pay? I made sure my pack was paid, but I could have been bringing in my own contribution. I had been trying to be anonymous at first, but that had passed quickly and now I- Josie. Right. Pay. Oh, also:

“I had another dream. This one of being led to stone walls in high mountains.”

She made a note and gave me that searching look again that makes someone feel like they’re having their mind read.

“Do you have anything I need to bring up that way while I’m here?” I asked, eager to escape Leliana’s scrutiny. 

“Efficient.” Her eyes flicked over me again and she shoved a paper bundle in my direction. “For the Lady Vivienne.”

I wrinkled my nose, but it was a package from Leliana, so I dutifully picked it up and delivered it and went on to get my pay sorted out with Josie without even speaking directly to Vivienne. I spoke to her hat. Which was sitting on the table. It was funny. 

I got back pay. I hadn’t meant to get back pay, but Josephine started talking, and I started answering… and before I knew it I had received back pay for all the time I had been here. I felt filthy rich. And what does one do when they are filthy rich? They spoil their pack.

Fabric to make jackets, a polished wood teething ring for Rasa, a pocket knife for Jim, and an actual knife for Terys and Onhalla. You know. All the little gifts you wish you could get your family but normally couldn't afford. I even splurged on actual travelling packs for each of us, wool to make socks, and little wax paper wrapped packages of dried meat and hardtack for the road. 

It knocked out my coin bag fairly quickly, but it was worth it. I started carrying my knitting around with me to work on between runs. Hats and socks were necessary for the trip to Skyhold. Bull found me struggling to carry my purchases out to the Den that evening and plucked the packages from my arms and tucked them under one elbow, the giant show off. I hesitated half a step… but he would already know where the Den was. 

We walked out in silence and his eyebrows raised when I shimmied up and then lowered the lift. “Huh. Interesting set up.” 

I worked on stowing the things under the canvas for when the pack trickled in and called down. “It works for now. I might have to expand soon.”

“You act like you’re preparing for something. Squirreling people and things away. Knitting like an old tama.”

I glanced over the crude railing to see him leaning against another tree, watching. I leaned onto the railing, it felt easier to talk to him from up here. He was further away, easier to keep from remembering several often replayed cutscenes while trying to talk to him. Also… I knew I was a redhead now. “Well… yeah. I have a pack to take care of, can’t take care of them if I’m not prepared. Blizzard? Attack? Bears? Group of humans?”

“That last one happen much?” He said lightly, but his arm muscles bunched slightly before relaxing.

“Not since I took care of the first one that touched one of my girls.” I said grimly, fully aware that he was offering to help. “But I don’t sit pretty on my medal. I’ll let you know if it becomes a problem again. Thank you.”

He tilted his head and eyed me. “So… you and the bald mage…”

“He teaches me magic. I frustrate him. It works out.” I paused and then smirked. “Are you trying to figure out if I’m available for a Bull Ride?” 

He grinned and shifted his feet a little further apart. “Are you?”

“Hell fucking yes. Be right down.” I grabbed my blanket and tossed it over the railing before shimmying down.

Riding the Bull was every bit as awesome and intense as I expected, with a side bit of awkward amusement as I was  _ very _ curious about different qunari features and he seemed willing enough to indulge me. It was a mutually satisfying experience, and I said so as we were pulling our pants back on. 

He watched me curiously. “You’re a strange one, Fen.”

“Make sure you write good things about my tits.” I snarked. 

He laughed, an honest laugh as far as I could tell, and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “I’ll be sure to. Oh, yeah, half the reason I came out here.” He dug into the pockets of his terrible pants and came out with a little box and held it out to me. “Solas asked me to give this to you, said he hadn’t had the chance to ‘present it personally’.”

Oh. Solas’ amends. I took the box and turned it over, then looked up when Bull didn’t move away. “I’m not opening it in front of you, nosy.” 

“It’s my job!” He said, but there was a smile in it.

“I know.” I made a shooing gesture. “Thank you for a wonderful evening. Shoo. Ask Krem if he’s into tiny redheads for me, would you?” 

“Ma’am, yes, ma’am.” He saluted teasingly and left and I waited a reasonable amount of time before opening the box.

There was a letter and a necklace. A carved wolf’s head out of some sort of gemstone. It had a hum to it so it was enchanted. I opened up the letter and had to roll my eyes at the overly formal apology, and expression of amends, blah blah blah, sweet, stuffy. Solas. I skimmed that part and got to the explanation, and felt my mouth drop open. 

It was a spell I could put on the wolf charms I made for my pack and lay around the Den. It would tie into the necklace he had given me, and if anyone crossed the spell without one of the charms, I would immediately know. It was… very thoughtful. 

There had to be a string in there. I was still pouring over the letter, analyzing wording, studying the spell, trying to study the amulet. I couldn’t find the string, but there  _ had _ to be one. It was Fen’Harel. There was one somewhere. 

I still hadn’t found it when my pack showed up, with another elf with a split lip still bleeding, bruises beginning to bloom across his neck, in a pattern of a handprint. They looked like a teen, sullen, angry, and suspicious. Lahnehn twisted her hands nervously. “He was-”

“My name is Sa'nehn. I want to join your clan. I’m learning to fight. I can help.” Sa’nehn interrupted. 

“It’s a pack, not a clan. We all protect each other, help each other, share with each other.” I glanced at his lip and then added. “And anyone of any race can join the pack if they’re willing to become pack. Is that going to be a problem?”

Sa’nehn glanced at Jim with his round ears and thought for a long, tense moment. I gave him time to think, this was serious. If he couldn’t accept future pack members, it wouldn't work. Finally he let out a sharp breath. “If they’re pack, I guess they’re pack. I’m in if you’ll take me.”

I reached for him slowly but didn’t touch, waiting for him to nod before I gently clasped the back of his head and pressed our foreheads together. “You’re one of us now.”

I pulled back because he was really tense, then gestured up at the platform to the rest of them. “Go on up, I bought gifts for everyone. I need to go talk to some people.”

Sa’nehn stiffened and glared at me, but followed when I walked out of earshot. I turned to him thoughtfully and gestured at his neck. “I have two ways to go about dealing with that. I can go to the Commander and get him to deal with it officially, make an example, or I can go to a friend and have it dealt with privately. Which way do you want?” 

His jaw tightened and he looked away, his fists clenching. “Humans won’t do anything. They won’t think anything-” He made a growling noise. “Privately. If you…”

“I got it. Come one, I can’t heal you right now, but my friend has a surgeon with him. Just be careful what you say around them, they’re not pack.” I led him to Bull’s Chargers outside the gates and Bull stood as I got closer. 

He glanced over Sa’nehn but addressed me. “Come back for more already?”

“Remember how I said I would come to you if a certain problem came back up?” I said quietly. “We need help. Privately.” 

Bull was trained, he knew how to deal with people, get inside their heads, figure out what they needed. How to get them talking. Sa’nehn looked like he was covering up his terror with anger, but went willingly with Bull and Stitches to the tent they had set up for first aid. I watched them go and then turned to Skinner, who had appeared close by. “Feel up to giving me another lesson while I wait?” 

Skinner looked me over and then nodded sharply and pulled her daggers, tossing one to me as I had left mine at the platform. I saw Dalish and Krem speaking quietly and then head off towards Haven. I felt a grim sort of relief that this was going to be handled, and that Skinner was about to beat the shit out of me so that I could learn to protect my people better. 

The incident made up my mind. I was putting up that spell, strings or no strings. My people needed to sleep safe. 


	9. Chapter 9

Sa’nehn was doing better after talking with Bull and… uh, ‘things’ being taken care of. He worked with the gatherers, scouring the wilds for edible plants, useful herbs, and the like, and he promised to pull his weight in the pack. He was almost fever intense with it when I presented him with his bracelet and I was at a loss how to deal with that. 

“We all help each other, Sa’nehn. We’re pack.” 

He nodded, and he was hesitant to join the dog pile for bed, but picked a spot near the rope down and slept on top of it. Probably not the most comfortable place to sleep, but I was absolutely not going to tell him to move off of that little bit of control over who came and went. I fell asleep feeling warm and confused, and I was grateful to find Solas dressed as Ser Wolf in my dreamscape. 

“Hello, Ser Wolf.” I sighed and flopped to the middle of a patch of conjured clover. “I’ve had a very rough day.” 

He let out an inquisitive huff and put his head on my legs, and it was still surreal to be pretending Solas wasn’t Solas. “There’s an elf kid. New to the pack. Someone hurt him. Badly. I had to get help dealing with it.” 

“On top of that, I found out that my face has been marked without me knowing it, and I’m a little scared about it.” I scratched at the side of his face for a moment before he stood and walked away, then returned and dropped… a stick… in my lap. I blinked at it, shocked. “Are you… saying you’ll play fetch with me?”

Solas, the Dread Wolf himself, did a play bow. 

“This is the best day of my life.” I told him solemnly, then stood up and yeeted the stick. He humored me for a few throws, and I honestly did feel much better, playing fetch with Solas. I accidentally threw the stick outside the boundaries of my dreamscape and sighed, expecting him to take that as an excuse to end the probably humiliating game for him, but he bounded after it.

Ser Wolf came back and dropped something in my hand, but it wasn’t the stick. It was a scroll of some kind. I squinted at him suspiciously, but he stared at me in perfect wolfy innocence. I unrolled the scroll and looked at it, and suddenly, I just  _ knew _ how to do the spell to remove vallaslin. 

“Oh…” He had given me the way to get rid of his mark on my face. He had helped, in his sneaky, crafty trickster way. “Oh!” I dropped to my knees and threw my arms around Solas’ fluffy neck in a hug. “Thank you!”

He felt tense for a moment, then rested his muzzle on my shoulder with a huff that felt distinctly amused. And then I was waking up, Jim’s foot on my nose. He squirmed so much. 

Solas had given me the spell, and I was feeling kinda light headed and giddy as the pack exchanged head bumps and split up for the day. Jim went with Sa’nehn and though I don’t think Sa’nehn felt safer with the twelve year old elf blooded kid, he seemed to appreciate the thought. 

I gave Bull a hug and a ‘thank you’ as I passed into Haven, and he ruffled my hair and slapped my butt, so I think we’re even. There was a bit of a disturbance, apparently an accident had happened last night. Shock. I was shocked, I tell you. 

I went around my sort of self assigned job and tried to keep the obvious skip out of my step. 

“A soldier fell from the roof of the chantry last night.” Leliana said absently as I laid a message from Josephine on her desk. “No one is quite sure why they were up there, but they fell and broke their neck.”

“Oh. How sad.” I said flatly. I knew exactly who that was and how they got there. 

Leliana glanced up at me and I saw the corner of her mouth quirk up. “Indeed. Here, a letter for the Commander.” She pushed a vial of clear liquid towards me. “And an elixir for pain. No more than a drop in a day. Any more could be fatal.” 

She was giving me poison… Right after… oh, sneaky, sneaky Leliana. I guess she didn’t want anymore swan dives off of the chantry roof. And this also meant she was placing an incredible amount of trust in me if she was handing me a poison. “Thank you. It will benefit the pack.” 

“Yes. It’s… cleaner than other methods.” 

She and I shared a look. I felt kind of giddy at sharing a significant look with Leliana, and I pocketed the vial and went to deliver the letter. I was feeling better and I intended to lay the boundary ward Solas had given me that evening. His very detailed instructions said that it was simple to break and move whenever I needed it, so that was nice. It meant I didn’t have to save it for Skyhold.

Not knowing what string was attached to it made me wary, I liked knowing the fine print of things before I signed. I am one of the people that actually reads the user agreements before accepting them. But there was nothing for it. I needed that bit of security for my pack. Skinner gave me another lesson after I finished my shift of work, and then I was off to the Den. Sa’nehn and Jim were up in the platform and they leaned over the railing to watch me as I held Solas’ letter in one hand, and began summoning magic into the other. 

It was complicated, but I managed to draw out the lines I did not want crossed and matched them to the pendent. The tree, the rope, and two paces around the tree were all warded off. Next was to put the matching spell on the pendents, and then to test it. Jim volunteered, sliding his bracelet off and stepping to the tree. Instantly I felt a spike of alertness and a clear, nagging sense of ‘intruder’. 

It worked!! I tied everyone’s charms in as they trickled in for the evening, and I think my relief at being able to sense an intruder was reflected through the pack. We shared our dinner, and then, after Jim and Rasa had fallen asleep, I took out the vial and showed it to Onhalla. “The spymaster gave this to me, and I’m not exactly sure what it is.” 

Onhalla gave me a doubtful look, but examined it, uncorking it and sniffing it, then her eyebrows shot up. “This is…” She hesitated, then carefully corked it and handed it back. “Should definitely be kept out of the reach of children.” 

Good to know. 

“Why would she give you something like that?” Harril frowned.

“She said it was cleaner.” I answered honestly, with a glance between her and Sa’nehn. 

Her face cleared in understanding. Then she smiled and pressed her forehead against mine. 

Sa’nehn integrated fairly smoothly into the pack, though he and Terys both seemed wary of the other, they were obviously trying to make it work. The spell to get rid of my vallaslin was practically burning a hole in my metaphorical pocket. I wanted it off of my face, but yet… It would cause complications for it to suddenly disappear. I needed to wait for the right moment. 

And okay, my dramatic senses were tingling and I thought I should wait until the trip to Skyhold. 

Solas didn’t approach my dreams as an elf once during his trip out, but he visited every other night as Ser Wolf. I knitted him a fade sweater and he looked torn between refusing out of embarrassment and wanting to accept because I had made it for him. I eventually got it onto him and took a ‘fade snap’ where I impressed the memory into my dream scape and framed it on a wall in my cabin next to my memory of his expression of me climbing the tree. I kept seeing him staring at it while he would lay pressed against my leg while I would hum or knit or whatever other soothing thing I felt like entertaining myself with that night. 

I knew exactly when Adaar won at Redcliffe. That night Solas burst into my dream scape with a desperate expression, his eyes flicking over me and my dream scape before he took a step towards me and then stood still, rigid and tense but staring. 

“Are you alright?” I stood from my constructed baby chicks and looked over him. 

“You…” He started and then looked away, his throat working as he swallowed. Something had shaken him. 

“Do you need a hug?” I offered lamely, but he practically lunged at me in acceptance. One second I was in an awkward stare off, the next, I was being hugged by emotional Dread Wolf. His face was pressed to my hair and I wrapped my arms around his waist and waited. Dad always said if you offered someone a hug, you had to wait for them to be the first one to pull away because they were the ones that knew how long they needed it. 

After several minutes I became aware that he was whispering elvhen into my hair, and I moved an arm to poke him in the side. “I can’t understand you.” 

He startled, then pulled away and looked at me with that intense, unreadable expression of his before looking away, folding his hands behind his back. “Would you like to learn?”

“Elvhen? Yes, I would actually. I can’t promise I’ll be a good student, but I’ll be a determined one.” I had never tried to learn another language before. 

He looked around my dreamscape. “Not here. Perhaps mine?”

His dream? I hesitated, unsure if I wanted to go into his ‘territory’, but very, very curious. “Alright.” 

He held his hand out and I found myself wondering at the gesture, if it was for me or for him. I thought it might be for him, with how desperate he had seemed when he had appeared, how long he had held me. Something had shaken him, and I slid my fingers into his and only had a moment to feel the calluses on his palm before my dreamscape disappeared with a gut wrenching feeling of displacement and instead I found myself in a arched stone room, vines growing over the stone work and flowers in every windowed nook. Bookshelves lined the walls and I found myself drifting towards them curiously, only to come to a halt when his fingers tightened over mine. 

I paused and looked back at him, and he had a slight smile in the corner of his mouth as he inclined his head towards a very uncomfortable looking stone seat and table. Pretty, not practical. But it was his dreamscape, so I just went and sat and tried to be subtle with the uncomfortable shifting while he leaned over the table and slid a paper with the elvhen letters and their Common equivalent beside them.

“The first step will be teaching you to match the sounds to the letters.” He said, and he sounded oddly stunned, as if he hadn’t expected me to want to learn, or to follow him. “If you practice drawing the letters while you sound them out, it will help it remain in your mind.” 

I gave him a wry smile. “You’re just finding excuses to make me talk.” 

His eyes focused on me intently as he leaned over the table, his hand still on the paper. “Yes.” He straightened and moved back a step. “And also it will help you learn.”

“Ma serannas, Solas.” 

His gaze flicked to my face and there was a trace of sadness before he replied. “Ma serannas, Fenenansal.” 


	10. Chapter 10

I made sure I was at the gates when Adaar came back at the head of a very tired, very worn looking procession of mages. He was walking alongside his horse, which made it easier for me to take off running and tackle him into a tight hug. He hugged me back just as tightly and I felt him breathe out a sigh of relief before he pushed me back a bit. 

“I have to go smooth things out with the council. They’re not going to be happy with me.” He said lowly. “Will you come with me.” 

“Of course.” I patted his arm, and then went to find Dorian and give him the same treatment. 

He pretended to be offended, but seemed relieved by the hug. That future was rough in the game, and I couldn’t imagine how much worse it was in real life. Varric accepted his hug with grace, and Solas watched with a blank expression before moving past me, and it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, but I caught at his sleeve. He stilled instantly.

“You want a hug?” I said quietly. He glanced at those filing past us, but jerked his chin in a short nod and let me give him a tight hug. His hands hovered before resting gently on my back for only a moment, just long enough for me to feel a tremor pass through him, before he was backing away. 

I didn’t stop to check his expression, instead darting off after Adaar. If I had thought the council had been angry in the game when the Herald allied with the mages, that was absolutely nothing compared to real life. There was shouting, so much shouting, and I couldn’t even go hide in a corner because I was there as emotional support for Adaar. 

Cullen was swearing and yelling, and god… he was always a big man, but angry and yelling, it was harder to forget that he had once happily branded Tranquil and killed mages. Mages like me. Cassandra was yelling, Josephine was yelling, even Adaar was yelling. Eventually, Cullen punched the table and that was the last straw for my shredded nerves and I burst into tears. Loud, ugly, upset tears. The upside was that all of the yelling ground to an abrupt halt and Adaar let me hide my face in his ribs. The down side… was that I was now crying and hiding from the council of the Inquisition.

“Now look what you did.” Adaar said scoldingly, his arms moving protectively around me. 

“I… Maker’s breath.” Cullen sighed, and if I hadn’t currently been sobbing into my friend’s shirt, I would have probably laughed because it was so on brand.

There was an awkward silence and I was acutely aware they were all staring at me while I tried to get myself back under control. It did not help. Adaar rubbing my back helped. Eventually I managed to pull myself together and pulled away, extremely self conscious of my puffy eyes and runny nose. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be. That conversation was going nowhere as it was.” Adaar said reassuringly. 

Leliana was giving me an approving look while Cullen looked horribly embarrassed and uncertain. Josephine looked composed and Cassandra looked like she was caught between punching Adaar in the face and clasping her hands under her chin in glee and… oh. Oh shoot… I had just wept into Adaar’s side  and we’ve been seen hanging out together regularly, and I had done the dramatic waiting at the gate and then leaping into his arms... Lovely… 

“I did what I thought best, and now we will deal with it.” Adaar took control. “We need to let the mages rest, and then we go seal the breach, which is why we are here. Fen?”

I looked up from where I had been trying to subtly wipe my nose on the handkerchief Lahnehn had made. Adaar looked at me with a pained expression. “Did you dream?”

I nodded. “The false sun wound forward and was pulled back into place. The sky will heal and then… Someone who walked the secret path in summer leads away from fire and bloody stone.” 

Josephine scribbled away, noting what I had said, then looked at me with a slightly pitying sigh. “Anything less cryptic?”

I shook my head. “No… sorry.” I hesitated before volunteering. “I know I work as a sort of runner, but… if you want me to work as a go between for the mages and you I can…”

“I don’t think-” Cullen started, but Leliana interrupted him smoothly.

“I think that is an excellent idea. We’ve already found that Fen is quite trustworthy about messages and the welfare of people under her… purview.” She said delicately. “It would allow us all to focus on our work.” 

“As well as perhaps strike up a sense of… comfort among our new ‘allies’ if our representative to them is an elven mage.” Josephine added. 

“And what about abominations?” Cullen said.

I raised my hand and tried not to shrink when they all looked at me incredulously. “Um… it’s not as bad of a problem when you… aren’t imprisoned? Me and my mages haven’t had a single problem with demons… and it’s fairly simple to self contain with magic.” 

“How large is your pack now?” Leliana asked curiously.

“Nine. Ten including me.” 

Adaar finally let me slip into a corner to sit and start making a list of what I probably needed to discuss with Fiona and Threnn and even Cullen and Jospehine about resources and stuff… I felt fairly drained by the time the council let out and I tried to hide a yawn as I followed Adaar out of the War Room. 

I waited until we were close to his cabin before asking. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

He let out a sharp breath. “Yes. No. I don’t… It was really terrible, you know?” He paused then laughed. “And I bet you do know. I’ll be alright. You might need to talk to Solas though. The Solas from the future gave me a note to take to him and when he read it… it shook him.” 

A note… from the future… that made him find me in a dream and hug me like he was afraid I might disappear… That made my stomach all sorts of fluttery and also squirmy in anxiety. “Thank you. I’ll… talk to him. Let me know if you need me to bring some of the pack for a cuddle pile.”

Adaar paused with his hand on the latch to the door and gave me an incredulous look. “You all really sleep in a cuddle pile?”

“How else are you supposed to, one: stay warm out there, and two: fit ten people into one tree house?” I nudged his arm with my knuckles. It was like knocking on a wall. “Besides, it’s hard to have bad dreams when you have a kid’s foot in your ribs. Seriously, let me know. You’re sort of half pack at this point.” 

He hugged me, gentle but firm. “T hank you for watching out for me, Fen.”

“Any time, Adaar.”

I felt him sigh. “Why don’t you call me by my first name?”

“I… don’t know it?” I confessed.

He pushed me back with his hands on my shoulders to look at me incredulously. “But… how?”

“You never told me?” I shrugged. “We never really did the official introductions.” 

He made a ‘huh’ noise. “You’re right. In fact… I’m not even sure how I got your name.”

“Eh, it happens. But if you want me to call you by your first name, you have to tell me.” 

“It’s Kost.”

“Kost. I like it. Sounds… uh, warrior-y.”

“Warrior-y?”

“Don’t judge.” I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed, and I counted that laugh as a victory. “Good night, Kost. Come get me if you need company.” 

“I will. Good night.” He shuffled into his cabin and I turned and almost ran into Cassandra, who looked both scandalized and delighted. 

Lovely. 

“Fen. I was going to accompany you to meet the mages and help you settle them into the temporary shelters we have available.” She glanced at Adaar’s cabin and I could practically feel her bursting with curiosity.

“Thank you, that would be appreciated.” I gave her a smile and followed her towards the camp outside the gates.

After a few paces, she spoke, hesitantly. “Adaar is… a fine warrior.”

“I hope so. It’s a dangerous world out there.” I gave her a bright, innocent smile, pretending that I didn’t know what she was hinting at. Or that she had walked up when I offered him ‘company’ for the night.

“Yes.” She seemed suddenly uncomfortable and I wondered if she would get up the nerve to ask if Adaar and I were ‘together’. 

She didn’t before we reached the mages and Fiona stepped forward, looking weary and protective. I gave her a smile and a slight bow. “Grand Enchantress Fiona. I am Fenenansal, the liaison between you and your followers and the Inquisition.” 

“Liaison?” Fiona arched an eyebrow, her gaze lingering slightly on Cassandra’s Seeker emblem.

“Yes, ma’am. I thought it would be best if I kept the-” I hesitated and put an emphasis on the next word. “ _ Ex _ Templars out of your hair as much as I could. But I made up a slightly disorganized list of things we might need to discuss, I can either speak with you now over them or leave it with you to go over at your leisure. You’ll have to forgive how rough it is, I only had a few hours to prepare.” I gave her my best customer service smile. 

Fiona’s smile was guarded but friendly, “That is very… accommodating of you, miss…Fenansal? Did I pronounce that correctly?”

I wasn’t sure if she mispronounced it on purpose or not, then decided I didn't care either way and gave her an out. “You can call me Fen if it’s easier. My full name is a bit of a mouthful. But is there anything I can help you take care of tonight? Cassandra said you already had a place to stay temporarily but are there wounded? Potions needed? Anything urgent?” 

“Clean water, actually.” Fiona sounded a little tired but kept her guarded smile up. “I’m afraid most of us are running low on drinking water.” 

“I’ll see what I can do.” I gave her another little bow. “I normally am outside of Haven proper after dark, but during the day I can be found within the walls, though I will ask Jim if he is willing to work as a runner for us.” 

Fiona and I exchanged a few pleasantries, I headed back to Haven to let the servants know they needed potable water out there. Cassandra fell into step beside me. “That was very well handled. You… did well.” 

“Thank you.” I glanced at her in surprise, but she seemed earnest. “I really want to help as much as I can, and handling stressed people is one of my skill sets.” 

She gave me a funny look and then nodded and turned and left. Cassandra, Cassandra… what was in your head? I shrugged and relayed the information needed, then, feeling exhausted, started to head back to the Den. I felt more than heard something move and whirled with my dagger out, and the back of my mind noted that Skinner would be so proud, just as the front of my mind realized I had pulled a dagger on Solas. 

“Shit! I’m sorry!” I put the dagger up and stepped back, feeling nervous at how he might react to me pulling a knife on him.

His jaw worked slightly as he glanced from my face to the dagger, but his voice was still hobo apostate soft. “Did something happen to put you on edge?”

He knew already, of course, but didn’t know that I knew that he knew. “One of mine was attacked. We took care of it but we’re still feeling a bit nervous.” 

He looked startled and tilted his head curiously. “You are speaking without a trade.”

“You’re teaching me elvhen without a trade.” I pointed out. 

“One good turn deserves another?” He raised an eyebrow, his eyes fixed on my face rather than my eyes.

I nodded. “Yeah, exactly. That’s how…” I paused, uncertain if it was wise to call him a friend at this point. 

“‘That’s how’ what?” He finally looked at my eyes, his eyes glinting in the light of a torch being lit nearby.

“How I work.” I saved. “By the way, thank you for the spell for the Den. It helps us sleep better.”

He smiled, looking… pleased. “I am happy you were able to put it to use.” He was being sneaky about something. I knew it! But I didn’t know how. Sneaky old wolf. 

I gave him a smile that was broken by a yawn. “I need to sleep. Feel free to come knocking on my dream.” 

He gave me another intent, pleased look and I realized as I walked away that was the first time I had actively invited him. Also that he was still wearing the cuff I had made for him. I toyed with the idea of making him a hat, then I realized I was dreaming when a half formed hat was in my hands. Dreaming was weird… 

Solas was already there, the shaggy pillow in his lap and sitting next to me in my nest on the bed. He had an oddly confused expression as he watched me knit, an expression that smoothed away as soon as he noticed me looking at him. I felt slightly sheepish, like I had been caught sleeping in late. “What is it?”

“That is… for someone in particular?” His hand absently petting the pillow. He liked soft things.

“Yes.” I glanced at him to indicate who, subtly, then changed my mind and decided the first thing I was going to make him was a pillow just like that one.

“Can I bring things from my dreamscape to yours? Like… I remember these things, so they’re here when I dream, but could I put one of my memories into yours?” 

He was silent for a moment before he nodded. “If I allowed you to influence it, yes.”

“Oh.” That was disappointing. “I don't want to change your dreamscape, just… take something of mine you could have if you wanted it.” I waved my hand vaguely. “It’s a different… energy. I think...” 

And then… he laughed. A full honest laugh. He shook his head. “My dream is not in danger of being harmed, h-“ he stopped himself. “Fen.”

“Thank you.” I said softly. He was trying and that was… surprising and also gave me the stomach flutters. “I wanted to try and take that pillow to your space.” I nodded at the pillow in his hands. His fingers tightened on it slightly and he stared at me with that look that made me feel like he was mentally hunting me. 

I had no idea what he was thinking. What had he read in that note? I wetted my lips nervously and then had another stomach flutter when his eyes dropped to my mouth with that same intense energy. I didn’t know what to do with this, with the note, the possessive grip on the pillow, on the spells and the lines on my face. “I…”

“You should practice your letters.” He said suddenly, drawing back. I hadn’t realized just how close he had been leaning until he was standing and pacing away, tension making his normal slinking prowl aggressive. 

I snatched up the shaggy pillow and tucked it under my arm and held out my other hand. “Alright.” 

He whirled on me fast enough that I shrank back, but kept my hand out. His eyes flicked from my eyes to my hand before he shook his head and let out a sharp, exasperated breath. He gently took my hand, and I focused on keeping the pillow exactly as I remembered it even with the wrench of displacement. 

It made it, and I may have let out a triumphant noise as I held the pillow out to Solas. “It worked!” 

He looked at it with a blank look of shock, and I hoped I hadn’t just broken Thedas magic because I didn’t want to deal with that. He blinked and looked at me with that intense, searching look that made the hair on my neck stand up before carefully taking the pillow and sinking his fingers into it. He exhaled sharply and flicked his hand towards the stone table and I gave him a not at all sarcastic, nope no sarcasm here! Salute before moving to keep practicing the letters and sounds.

“You know, this makes so much more sense than the Common alphabet.” Having a symbol for every sound just made more sense to me.

“At least something makes sense.” He murmured and I was ninety percent sure I wasn’t supposed to hear that.


	11. Chapter 11

Adaar hadn’t been kidding about as soon as the mages had rested they were closing the breach. The next morning they headed out and I snagged him for a hug before he left. Dorian was also hugged, simply because it made him sputter and turn red when Bull asked him where his hug was. Or it was the fact that I pinched Bull’s butt. One of those. 

Solas was nowhere to be found, so after the mages went up to help Kost seal the breach, I gathered up my pack and gave the order to pack everything up. We all worked together in tense silence to stash our meager possessions into our packs and by the time I was carefully unravelling the wards on our den, there was a gut wrenching shudder in the world and the breach sealed. 

“It’s go time, people.” I murmured. “Every elf, every kid, every non soldier who will listen, up to the chantry.”

Lahnehn nodded and took Jim’s hand while keeping Rasa propped on her other hip, and the rest scattered to try and convince people to stay away from the growing celebration. By the time I had made it into Haven proper, Onhalla and Harril were leading a procession of elflings (I’d always wanted to say that. Or at least think that.) towards the chantry. 

Onhalla gave me a sad look. “Their parents only let them come to keep them out of the way.”

Expected, but still upsetting. “Better than none of them.” 

I did what I could, and by the time Kost made it back with the others, I had pretty much every child in Haven, and maybe half of the elven population. For some reason the elves were willing to listen to me, and I wasn't sure if it was the ‘Dalish’ mysticism working in my favor, or the fact that pretty much everyone thought I was sleeping with Adaar at this point. 

Whatever it was, I took advantage of it. I was very relieved when Cullen started scolding the soldiers left at Haven for drinking on the job, and while Josephine made noises about needing the celebration for morale and appearances, she quickly subsided when Leliana said that she had pulled back her scouts from the mountains as some had disappeared, with a significant look at me. Yay… I was a prophet… 

Night fell in a sort of chaotic mish mash of wariness and celebration. Fiona came to find me and eyed my collection of children and elves curiously. Lahnehn was working with the older ones to teach them to read, and Jim and Sa’nehn were playing with the younger ones, trying to keep them entertained. 

“Lady Fen. I was told I could find you here.”

I nodded. “Is there a problem? Actually… there is going to be a problem. If you would have your people pack up their things and bring it up here, every non combatant mage should wait up here.

“You are expecting trouble?” She arched a brow.

“Yes.” I said bluntly. “And if I’m wrong, I’d rather have been prepared and it not happen than risk my people.” 

She regarded me for a moment before inclining her head. “I will send the non combatant mages up here with our things.”

Vivienne of course, swanned in the moment Fiona had left and eyed my collection of people critically. “You are stirring up a fuss.”

“Good.” I squared my shoulders and stared at her. “Is there something you need, Lady Vivienne?” 

She eyed me contemplatively for a moment. “It will be bad for your image should you prove to be wrong.”

I barely resisted an eye roll. “I’m a knife eared savage who is supposedly sleeping with half of the Inquisition. I think I’ll survive.” 

“Interesting.” She had that look, the ‘I think I can use you’ look, and turned to leave.

I called after her. “We’re still not going to serve you until you apologize to Aelon.” 

There was a barely noticeable hitch in her step and I chalked it up as a point for myself. And because the universe enjoys laughing at more people than myself, as soon as she opened the doors to the Chantry, the alarm bells started ringing. I did my best to keep things organized, two kids matched up with each adult, everyone keep their things on their person, arranging the quickly growing trickle of people into the Chantry. The mages showed up, and with them, a harried looking Roderick. Drats. 

He looked down his nose at me, I glared up my nose at him, he gave in first. “The summer pilgrimage path is this way.” 

The sounds of battle could be heard outside at this point, and my heart was in my throat as we worked to funnel people into the paths. First the civilians, then the mages, then… I was keeping myself together with sheer will power at this point, wounded soldiers. Some of the healers had stayed back and we worked together to triage and move them along. Adan was alive. The stubborn man had listened to me about the oil.

I was sticky with blood and feeling drained by the time Adaar and the other main fighters burst in. I approached Bull while Adaar was arguing with the others. “Can I borrow your Chargers to help move the wounded who can’t walk?”

He glared at me. Glared at me! If I wasn’t so tired I would be offended. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

I gave him a tired glance. “Getting people to safety. Answer the question.” 

He agreed and soon I was happily passing the reins for the wounded evacuation to Krem and Leliana. Josephine had gone ahead, and I was glad as she was wide eyed and shaky looking at all the blood. 

Kost was headed back out with Solas, Sera, and Cassandra. I caught him before he left and took the wooden pendant I had given him. I recharged the warming glyph with as much mana as I could spare, until my throat was achy, and pressed it into his hands. He stared at it for a second before cracking the faintest of smiles and putting it on. “Get the fuck out of here, Fen.”

“Ser, yes, ser.” I saluted and then swayed when I tried to move. Oops. I shrieked when suddenly I was swept up and thrown over a shoulder like a sack of potatoes. That was a very nice butt, but, “What are you doing?”

“Getting you to safety, Lady Wolf.” Krem said cheerfully. 

I saw Solas giving me one of his unreadable looks before I was carried out of sight. “I can still walk.”

“Orders.” 

I sighed, my blood was rushing to my head and I felt woozy. “If you insist on carrying me like this, I fully intend to grab your butt. It’s right there.”

He hesitated, then slung me into a bridal carry. That was the softest no ever. 

“Much better. You’re a very handsome rescuer.” I was also feeling very tired. “And I think I got blood on your armor.” 

He laughed and said something, but I didn’t hear it over the drifting sensation of passing out.

Ice and wind, a wolf’s howl and torches in the pass. I was cold. Where was my pack?

I woke up shivering and with dried blood flaking off of my fingers. Gross. I was in a tent, alone, which was a waste of body heat. I barely stumbled out of the tent, my head aching and my throat sore, when Krem pushed me back in. “Nope. We have things handled. Go back to sleep.”

“M’pack. I need m’pack.” I mumbled. Words. Ugh. 

“I’ll send them in.” He guided me gently but firmly back to the cot. 

“Adaar back yet?” I laid down reluctantly.

“Still looking for him.” He actually tucked a blanket up around my chin before leaving the tent. 

I slid onto the ground and stubbornly stayed awake until my pack came pouring in, doing a head count as they lined up to press their foreheads to mine. It was a squeeze, but we all curled up and I fell back asleep warm. 

I was pacing in the fade, unable to focus enough to turn it back into my dream scape. My friends were out there. Adaar hadn’t been found. My pack was in the middle of a blizzard. Did I save enough? Would they blame me for not doing more? Could I have done more? Was Adaar okay? Did Solas find him?

I felt something shiver in the fade and paused in my pacing, the hair on the back of my neck raising as  _ something _ approached. I conjured a pair of daggers and circled, wary of demons now that I was out of Haven. I felt something cold pass close by, and whirled to come face to face with a mass of shadows that resembled a wolf and loomed over me with six burning red eyes. Frost pooled around his feet and I was again struck by just how small I was. 

Fen’Harel. 

I dissolved the daggers and stared at him, trying to find my voice around my heart in my throat. He was a little… intimidating. Why was he here like this? He… probably wasn’t going to kill me, he would have already if he was planning on it. He kept staring at me, motionless, and I finally managed to speak. “I’m going to boop your nose.” 

I reached for him and his ears laid back, all six eyes widened, and he scrambled back a step. Well. That was encouraging! I took another step towards him, hand still held out, and he took a step back. This hair raising dance went for a few more steps, and then he turned and ran and I chased him, feeling a giddy sort of disbelief that I was chasing the Dread Wolf to give him a nose boop. 

It was exhilarating to run in the fade, there was no stitch in my side, no muscles aching or breathlessness to slow me down, just one foot in front of the other and the sensation of impossible speed. I could see Fen’Harel’s ears and tail lift and I could tell he was having fun. He was drawing a little further away, faster with four legs, and it felt as natural as dancing to just reach out and grasp the ‘ground’ with my hands and throw myself forward, leaping at him and then… falling over myself in a spectacular tumble of tail over muzzle because I suddenly had four legs and what the fuck?!

I may have yelped in shock. The natural but not shape of the canine form I had somehow taken fell away and left me back in the elf shape, and the Dread Wolf stopped running and looked at me in what could only be shock, if I could read weird wolfish six eyed faces… “Why won’t you let me touch you?” I asked, and it might have come out a little more plainative than I intended. “I’ve had a really, really bad day and I just need a hug.” 

And once I said it out loud I started crying. “I don’t know if my friend made it and my Den is gone and I can’t even go help because I used all my magic and I’m really in over my head out there and I just… I just want a hug.” 

Fen’Harel hesitated, his ears flat against this skull and there was a disorienting sense of him speaking to me but I couldn’t hear anything. His voice was deeper, slightly distorted, but I could still hear a thread of Solas in it despite the effort to disguise it. (Whether that was because I recognized his voice after several hundred hours of gameplay or…) 

“Do you trust me?”

That… was a staggeringly complicated and complex question and I just stared at him for a moment. “That… depends? I know you won’t lie.” Mislead, distract, evade, but never lie.

His massive, shadowed head tilted and he spoke slowly. “I can assure you no harm will come to you from me tonight.”

Good enough. Ominous, but clear enough. I nodded and then gasped when suddenly I couldn't see. Not in a ‘oh shoot the lights went out’ way, but there was… nothing. Not even the ghost hand when I waved my hand in front of my face. I felt a shift of something changing and the whisper of movement, and then the distorted voice asked me again, softer, a bit disbelieving. I couldn’t help a shiver at not being able to see him but knowing he was getting closer.

“Do you still trust me?”

As much as I could… “Yeah…” 

I jumped when I felt a touch on my arm, but I knew where he was now and blindly grabbed at him before he could pull away and leave me alone in the dark. He let out a shuddering breath when I hugged him and his arms wrapped around me just as tightly as he started murmuring something in elvhen into my hair. 

“I don’t actually speak elvhen.” I whispered, acutely aware of every sound and touch with the loss of sight. 

He let out a short breath that might have been a laugh and the dream air stirred my hair oddly. This was a supremely odd experience, but I was getting fade hugs and if he was dreaming… that meant Adaar was safe. They both were back and safe… I felt myself go limp in relief and mental and emotional exhaustion and he caught me and lowered us both down to a sitting position. I felt him rearrange the fade, and then there was something soft and silky beneath me and I could smell something similar to lavender. Relaxing. 

This whole experience was… unsettling, but… it felt significant. 

Also… fade cuddles were exactly what I needed after a day like today. Sensory deprivation made everything seem unreal, the blood and crying and chaos distant and easy to deal with. I could feel him holding me, his breathing sounded loud in the near silence. He  _ felt _ confused and pleased and there was a definite air of confusion in there too. 

“Why were you not frightened?” He asked softly. I really didn’t like that voice distortion. It sounded a little like RedLyrium!Solas from the bad future. 

“I was fucking terrified.” I corrected. I also held onto him a little tighter. “Still am, to be honest.” 

“Then… why?”

I tried my best to explain. “When you’re faced with something frightening… you have to decide how to handle it. Sometimes it’s safer to run, sometimes you can’t. Running from you isn’t really an option. So… when faced with a giant canine I just went with my first impulse, which is ‘pet the fluffy’.” 

He stiffened and I got the distinct feeling he might be a tad offended at his big bad Dread Wolf persona being described as fluffy. I found myself playing with the fabric he was wearing. It was softer than his normal tunic, but I guess he was dressed up more stylishly because I couldn’t see him. 

“So… why did you come to me?” I asked.

He hesitated, and his hold on me loosened and then tightened just as quickly. “I heard whispers of someone bearing a mark that should not exist.”

“I don’t know how I got it.” I said honestly. “I didn’t know you had a Vallaslin.”

He let out a low growl that rumbled in his chest. “I was assigned one… no one ever bore it until you.”

Oh… well that made things a little more terrifying. “I’m getting rid of it. A friend of mine brought me the spell.”

He growled again, lower. “Good.” 

There was a distinct, viciously pleased note to the word. He seemed… to earnestly want it off of my face. “So, you didn’t… Put it on me?”

“No.” He practically spat. “And whoever did will pay dearly for the slight.” 

Oh, hello stomach flutters. That was a nice protective and slash or possessive streak there. I felt an air of startlement from Fen’Harel, and he shifted as if pulling back to look at me… and oh, lovely… he probably could sense my emotions better than I could his. Stomach flutters gone. 

He exhaled an amused huff and moved closer and the conversation seemed to be ended. Except… “Did I turn into a wolf?”

He chuckled slightly, the movement jostling me. “Yes. Changing your form within the fade is the first step to changing your form outside of it.”

I wiggled excitedly. “Oh! That’s going to be awesome!” 

He drew back again to, I assume, look at my face. “Shapeshifting interests you.” He said it like a fact discovered, not a question.

I confirmed anyway. “Yes. Shapeshifting, healing, hearth magic, wards, creation magic. I like… useful magic. A wolf form might help me protect my pack. Or pull a sled, or keep someone warm in the snow. I might even be able to hunt for food eventually.” 

“Some would say that destruction magics are useful.”

“Anyone can destroy something. It takes more effort to create or mend something. Help instead of hurt.” 

He hummed, and it sounded weird with the distortion but I felt it in his chest. “Well said, Da’somniari.”

“Oh hey, I know that one. ‘Little Dreamer’.” I paused, then added. “I have a friend that calls me ‘little wolf’ and I’m starting to get a complex about my height.” 

I was expecting a reaction, so I caught the there and gone tremor of surprise at me calling him a friend. “What would you like to be called? I cannot call you by my own name.” 

I huffed, surprisingly amused. “You’re ‘ _ The _ ’ wolf, I’m just ‘ _ a _ ’ wolf. It’s different.”

He made the humming sound again and I felt his fingers start petting my arm absently. “I believe your followers call you Lady Wolf.”

“Have you been stalking me?” I soothed over the slight accusation by pressing my head against his chest. He wasn’t wearing the wolf jaw. 

“Yes.” He said simply. Which… fair. You can’t expect the Dread Wolf to just waltz up to something that might be a trap. “You were quite purposefully brought to my attention. Do you have any objection to being called Tarlen’Fen?”

‘Lady Wolf’... This felt like another one of those significant moments that I didn’t understand. Like the intense look Solas had given me when I gave him the wrist cuff. The same look when I accepted his offer to learn elvhen. Letting him take my sight away. Something… was happening and I didn’t know what to do besides… see where it went. “It does seem to stick.” 

I caught a wisp of… shock and a bit of delight and a whole lot of confusion.

“Very well. Tarlen’Fen”

I felt the tug that meant I was about to wake up and hurriedly pulled back to look at him, then remembered I couldn’t see and just faced where I guessed he was. “You can come by my dreamscape if you want. Thank you for… this.” I gestured between us, my hand blindly bumping his chest and then mine. “Ma serannas, Fen’Harel.” 

I felt another whisper of surprise and shock and then I was awake, Onhalla shaking me gently. Well… that had been weird.


	12. Chapter 12

Onhalla helped me clean up with a bowl of magically melted snow and shoved me into a spare pair of breeches and an oversized tunic that smelled… suspiciously like Solas. I sniffed it and Onhalla winked at me and… I guess that meant it was his shirt… Alright… 

I did a quick check on my aura. I really was drained, though I felt a lot better than when I had passed out. I scraped together a little mana, and very carefully cast Solas’ spell on my face. Onhalla inhaled sharply and I looked at her anxiously. “Did it work?”

She nodded, her eyes wide. “It’s… gone.”

“Good.”

That used up a lot of my regained energy and I ended up leaning on Sa’nehn as I shuffled out of the tent. He had stood guard outside after the pack had woken up, unwilling to leave me alone. I pressed my forehead to his and thanked him. 

Fortunately, I had missed the singing and the arguing. What I did not miss, was the council coming to a halt at the sight of me and… staring. Adaar suddenly teared up and scooped me up into a hug. 

“Thank you. You saved my life.” He said into the top of my head. “Your glyph…” 

“She saved a lot more than just his.” Leliana said softly. “Her warnings and preparations saved hundreds.”

Oh. Oh shit. Why had I not thought this far ahead? I hugged Adaar back and whispered. “Please don’t make me famous.” 

“The other option is to claim Andraste saved me.” He said mulishly.

“They already believe that. Capitalize on it.” I tickled his ribs and made him drop me. I staggered and Sa’nehn caught me. “I can and will rain pranks on you if you make me famous because I was paranoid.”

Leliana and Kost both gave me a very disbelieving look, but they both sighed in acceptance. Cullen watched me with a very shaken expression, grateful, but with a hint of disbelief. All of them kept staring at my face but didn’t mention it. I had Sa’nehn take me to eat with the pack, but on the way, Fiona stopped me with a very odd, intent expression, her eyes flicking over my face in slight confusion.

“You saved my people.” She said bluntly. “The attacking forces burnt the shelters we were staying at first. If we had not prepared, I would have lost half of them.”

I gave her a weary smile. “I’m glad my sense of paranoia helped. Your people saved a lot of the soldiers’ lives. Thank you.” 

She nodded slightly in acceptance. “Where did you train? Your healing spells were quite efficient.”

“Oh, Solas is teaching me.” I shrugged slightly. “I only discovered my magic a few months ago.” 

She blinked, shocked. “Oh… well in that case, if you wish to learn from any of us, or borrow our remaining tomes, you simply have to let us know. We would be happy to help you.”

A polite refusal sprang to my lips, but I swallowed it. “Thank you, that is very kind. I do have a mage in my pack that needs training if you would be willing to help her.”

Her eyebrows raised, but she nodded. “Of course.”

“Wonderful, thank you.” I gave her a smile. “I’m a bit under the weather, but I’ll still do my best to fulfill my job as liaison. Please let me know if there is anything I can help with.”

Fiona searched my face for a moment before smiling. “Thank you. I will speak with my people.”

Sa’nehn herded me away and soon I was sat on a stump and a blanket was wrapped around my shoulders by a fretting Mina and a strip of dried meat was pushed into my hands by a very pale Jim. I caught him and pulled him in under the blanket with me. “Hey, it’s going to be alright.” 

Lahnehn tucked Rasa under the blanket on my other side and I gave her a grateful smile. She inhaled and then exhaled. “The Commander says we will begin moving today. Further into the mountains.”

I nodded, that made sense. “We need to gather up all of the pack, all of our things, and all of the lost elf children. The human one’s too if the chantry sisters haven’t already taken them. If they took any of the elf children and won’t let you take them, come get me.” Jim nudged my arm up and I took a bite of the jerky and spoke around it. “The soldiers might be a bit keyed up from the fight. Tell everyone to keep an eye on each other. If any of them start trouble that you think the Commander won’t take care of, go to the Bull or his Chargers. Lahnehn, when we get where we’re going, Grand Enchantress Fiona agreed to start training you formally. You’re still mine, but she can teach you better than me.”

Lahnehn fidgeted but nodded confidently, and the pack scattered, though Sa’nehn and the kids stayed with me. I took another bite of my jerky and then had to cough to keep from choking when Bull’s voice startled me and I almost inhaled it. 

“What happened to your face?”

“I changed it.” I said simply. He made a grunting noise that I did not know how to interpret. 

“You lead well.” He was studying me openly and sharply. “You took charge in Haven, you take charge here. It’s good. You see what needs done and you do it.”

I blinked at him, then felt myself blush because that was a high compliment from The Iron Bull. I didn’t answer but he smirked with a glance at my ears, which I was sure were bright red. 

“So. When are you going to tell me why you trust my people with yours?”

I wrinkled my nose at him and pointedly took another bite of jerky and chewed slowly. 

He laughed. “Alright, Lady Wolf. I’ll figure you out later. Boss told me to set up a cart for you and the little ones. I’ll send Skinner for you when it’s ready.” 

I nodded my thanks and he moved off. Jim shuddered dramatically next to me. “He’s so…  _ big _ .”

I snickered. “Yeah. He’s the best bet to run to for help though. Just remember he’s not pack so be careful what you say around him.”

Sa’nehn took Jim to go shadow Fiona, reluctantly, but I reassured him I had enough magic to burn anyone who tried to go after me. He was understandably protective of the pack. I cuddled Rasa under the blanket and she chewed on the ring I had bought for her as I waited, too exhausted to do much else. I felt Solas approaching before he stepped out from behind my shoulder and into my line of sight. 

I gave him a tired smile. “Good morning. I’m glad you made it.” 

“Your…” He glanced at my face with an intent, slightly delighted look, and then cut himself off with an embarrassed expression as if he had been about to be rude. 

“I got rid of it.” I shrugged and readjusted Rasa more securely under the blanket. 

“Most Dalish are quite proud of their vallaslin.” He said sharply, though it seemed the bitterness was not directed at me.

“One, most Dalish have reclaimed their Vallaslin into something of a completely different nature. A cultural mark to be proud of in the face of extreme and purposed cultural suppression, enslavement, and repeated and currently attempted genocide on them. Two, they chose it, remade it into something new and to be respected simply because they reclaimed it. Three, I’m not Dalish.” I listed off, just as sharply. “You have no right to criticize a people struggling for survival and some sense of cultural permanence in a world very intent on wiping them out. They’re reclusive, suspicious, slightly misinformed, and they have every right to be when every day they spend alive and free is an act of rebellion. They remade themselves despite everything.” 

He startled, looking at me with a confused, offended, and… approving? Was that approval? Expression. We stared at each other and eventually he looked away, his jaw tight. “Ir abelas.” 

“The first part of convincing someone of the truth, is to understand what they think.” I said quietly. “You have to listen to be listened to.” I inhaled, too tired to really pursue a debate on the Dalish. “Thank you for lending me your shirt.”

If I had thought he was startled at my rant, that was nothing to how he startled now. His eyes widened, his mouth opened, and his eyes flicked from the bit of my chest showing from beneath the blanket to my face. His ears turned pink and he tucked his hands behind his back and straightened, obviously trying to compose himself. “You are welcome. I… was glad to help.” 

Oooookay… The shirt was Significant with a capital ‘S’ then. I chewed on my lip, wondering whether to ask? To leave it? I was increasingly finding myself missing some… vital piece to our interactions, and I wasn’t the one juggling three personas. Solas’ eyes dropped to my mouth, then back to my eyes, and it looked like he was about to speak when Skinner appeared from nowhere with murder on her face. As usual. 

“Chief said to get you to the cart.” She paused then frowned. “What happened to your face?”

“I changed it.” I said with an eye roll as I tried to stand and heft Rasa onto my hip. It… didn't work out so well. I got a head rush and Rasa unbalanced me, and I almost tumbled face first into the snow. Skinner caught Rasa and Solas caught me, and then we all froze and stared at each other. Solas had caught me with one arm across my chest and seemed unsure how to set me to rights and Skinner was holding Rasa out like one might a stinky puppy, her eyes wide and slightly panicked. 

“Lady Wolf… what do I do?” She whispered. “It’s going to start crying.” 

I dragged myself onto my feet by Solas’ shoulders and leaned on him as I held a hand out. “Set her down and I’ll take her hand. She can walk a little.”

“But… the ground is cold.” Skinner sounded panicked. Rasa was chewing on her teething ring and staring at Skinner with baby solemnity. 

“That’s why we wear shoes.” I said patiently. “Well, some of us.” 

Solas sighed slightly at the dig at his shoelessness. Skinner carefully set Rasa down on the ground, keeping her hands around Rasa’s ribs until I took the toddler’s hand. She stepped back and grimaced. “That… is terrifying.”

“Oh, it’s worse when they’re smaller.” I laughed and started to take a step away from Solas, but he just grabbed my elbow and moved with me, supporting me. I looked at him in obvious surprise, but smiled, appreciating the help, especially right after I had essentially scolded him. “Thank you.” 

Skinner looked between us with her eyebrows raised and muttered under her breath before gathering up the blanket I had been using. “This way.” 

It was slow going between my dizzy shuffle and Rasa’s short legs, but soon I was tucked in the back of a cart with about half a dozen elf kids and a pair of elves wearing scout armor with bandages. I automatically moved towards them and Solas caught my arm over the edge of the cart. 

“You need to rest.” He said warningly. 

He was right. My throat had the strangled feeling and I was weak and dizzy. I nodded and patted his hand in acceptance and his eyes flicked down to my fingers with a slightly wondering expression before he pulled back and moved off to find Adaar. 

Terys was the one driving the cart, Lahnehn and Aelon squeezed onto the seat next to him. More elf kids were added to the back of the cart until we were all crammed together into a warm pile of limbs and runny noses. Harrill slipped my knitting into my hands and I immediately put my fingers to work making hats to cover little elf ears while my mind was busy… organizing. 

Even cart bound I sent messages back and forth to Fiona and Cullen with runners, Leliana at one point came by to ask for advice… which was terrifying. My pack would drift in and out as we travelled to check in, each of them with a pair of kids in hand, the ones old enough to walk. 

In between work I taught the elf kids to sing ‘Champions’ by Queen, which was awesome. Solas was a quiet constant during this time. Either as himself during the day or as Ser Wolf at night. It was… nice. We talked a little, he helped me with my magic training and elvhen during the day, I practiced trying to find my wolf form at night, with his silent encouragement. 

He hesitantly started seeking touches, initiating them uncertainly. A brush of fingers against my shoulders, a press of hands, even a quick and uncertain combing of his fingers through my short hair. Each time I didn’t pull away or freeze seemed to both shock and encourage him. I didn’t give his shirt back and he would get a wondering, heated look whenever I tumbled out of the tent with it on. 

Bull tried to weasel information of my past out of me with Varric’s help, both were insatiably curious and I refused any information at all, nicely of course. I did entertain them and the children with stories, and the Chargers were quite happy to travel nearby to hear the songs and stories I deemed safe enough to share. Krem cut my hair into the same style he wore his and I loved it.

Dorian and Sera would pop by for chats too, brief ones as both of them seemed as terrified of small children as Skinner had been. Cassandra came by once to check on me, but she seemed uncomfortable and left after a few stiff pleasantries. Vivienne walked up with her staff in hand and studied me for a long, searching moment before quietly apologizing to Aelon for her ‘uncouth shouting’. I met Cole too, finally. He appeared by the tent I shared with my pack and shoved a bag into my arms.

“Keep them warm and safe, mine and ours, they call them knives to shame us but we are strong and sharp and knives can cut.” he tilted his head. “You want to heal the little hurts to heal the big hurt that causes the little hurts. You want to save their ears so they can be proud of them.”

“I don't want to forget you.” I blurted out.

He frowned, but nodded. “You take on other people’s hurts as your own. You have to remember them to help.”

He poofed away and I was left with a bag of wool yarn. Well, if it was Cole approved help then it really helped. So I organized, mediated between Cullen and Fiona, and knitted hats that would comfortably protect elven ears and handed them out to anyone who needed them. All the way to Skyhold. Bull’s Chargers called me Tama Fen.

I wiggled out of the cart when we approached the path to Skyhold’s gates. I wanted to walk in. I found myself staring at it in awe, it was so… big. Cold and imposing and… safe. There had to be a corner to tuck my pack into. It’s walls stretched up into the sky and sprawled over the mountains and towers rose sharply above the walls. It really did look like it could hold the sky back. 

Solas fell into step beside me, watching me from the corner of his eye. I felt breathless, both from the thin air and the stoic majesty of Skyhold. He turned to me with a concerned expression and reached towards my face. He brushed his thumb gently across my cheek bone and I realized I had started to cry.

I didn't even bother to wipe them away. “It’s… beautiful.”

He studied me intently before softly promising. “If you will allow it, I will help you find a new Den within its heart.”

There was a string in there somewhere, but Solas would know the safest place to put my pack. I nodded and slipped my hand into his and he exhaled softly as his thumb stroked across the back of my hand. We walked into Skyhold together.


	13. Chapter 13

There were cleaning teams to organize, temporary shelters to set up, a child care system to scramble into being, mediating between Fiona and Vivienne and Cullen… I didn’t realize until I was standing on a piece of rubble and shouting orders that… someone had put me in charge. I stormed off to find Leliana. 

“Why am I running things? I’m just a runner!” I may have been a little frantic. 

She leveled me with a very placid, patient look. “Lady Wolf, you have been instrumental in not only saving hundreds of people from Haven, but also keeping the people organized during the journey here. You are good at this, and people listen to you.” She smirked slightly. “Also, no one asked you to take charge, you simply fulfilled a need on your own initiative.”

“But…” I quailed under the weight of community effort. “Ugh… in that case, I need help tracking down every person with any sort of structural knowledge in order to form teams to check the stability of the buildings. There is a clear area of land behind the kitchen area and I think we should go ahead and have some of the land turned in order to put in crops. Between the mages’ magic and the seed we have brought, it will help cut down on the feeding costs of a group this large this remote, also the digging can be used as community service. Instead of sticking rowdy soldiers in a prison we don’t even have, hand them a shovel and put them to work. I also need to coordinate with Josephine about seeing what resources we have available for the temporary school I put together to keep the children in one place during the day.”

I paused for breath and then found myself at a loss for words because Leliana… was dutifully taking notes. This was too much. I hugged myself and tried not to cry. “Have I told you that I absolutely love you?”

She blinked at me in shock and then raised an eyebrow. “I’m… flattered.”

I nodded and turned to talk to Jim who had come running with a message from Fiona. Sa’nehn had become my personal aide of sorts. He would push food and water into my hands, shove impatient people back, and made sure that I sat down every now and then. At one point I became distantly aware that he was carrying me to the pack’s tent as I had fallen asleep over some papers. I reached up and patted his face, feeling very groggy. “You are an amazing wolf. Thank you for joining the pack.” 

I was too tired to do more than face plant into wolf fur in the fade that night, and it wasn’t until I was about to wake up that I realized it was black fur, not white. Fen’Harel instead of Ser Wolf. Oops. 

I stumbled out of the tent that morning and ran face first into Bull’s stomach. I just stayed there, leaning on him. He waited for me to speak.

“I think… I need to delegate a little.” I said, a bit muffled by the muscles of his stomach. 

“Mm-hmm.” He grunted in agreement, then picked me up and tucked me under his arm in a football carry. I went limp and he carried me across the courtyard to a crowd and set me on my feet next to Solas. 

He looked at me with barely veiled exasperation. “You are exhausting yourself.”

“We all have to do our part. Little threads.” I blinked up at the stairway. “Oh. They’re doing that already?” 

Solos looked at me with that ‘how do you do that?’ look. (at least that is what I think it meant) “Yes.” He drew the word out.

“Ugh.” I gave in to the impulse and leaned my forehead against his arm as the speech making started. He tensed in surprise, then relaxed. “I still haven’t found a Den.”

“I have been searching. I may have found something that would suit your needs.”

“Thank you.” I mumbled, and then lifted my fist at what sounded like the appropriate moment. 

He sighed and I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders, “You need more rest.”

“Yeah. I’m going to delegate. I bet you Adaar does something sneaky like name me steward or something petty because I forgot to warn him.”

“Oh no. Much, much worse.” Kost’s voice made me turn my head to peek at him. He gave me a stern look and waved a fancy looking piece of paper. “Congratulations. The Inquisition has named you official Castellan of Skyhold.”

“Fuck you.” Castellan?! That meant I was in charge of running the entire place!

“No, thank you.” Inquisitor Kost Adaar said with a smirk. “I have to start running missions to help spread the news that I survived. Some of our scouts went missing.”

“Don't step in the water. Take Solas. He knows how to use the forgotten fire.” I sighed. There was a beat of silence and I groaned. “I’m too tired to be mysterious.” 

“And yet you manage despite your weariness.” Solas said dryly, and then I squeaked because he had scooped my legs up from under me and was carrying me. 

Solas. Was… carrying me. Princess carrying me. Me. Hello stomach flutters. I may have stared at him and he was struggling to hide a smirk as he casually took his leave and started carrying me off. Hello stomach flutters and company… 

“I should be irritated at you for volunteering me for an excursion.” He hummed and I could feel the vibration in his chest. “I should demand amends.” 

That had all sorts of fun possibilities that I was firmly  _ not _ thinking about while he was carrying me off. “Such as?” I said warily, very grateful we weren’t in the fade where he could sense emotion.

His mouth quirked into a smirk. “I will let you know at the appropriate time.” 

Lovely. An I.O.U. to the Dread Wolf. “So… where am I being swept off to?” 

“I found a space that I have half a mind to claim for my use. I want to get your opinion and permission, Castellan.”

“Fuck you too.” I groaned. Castellan. “Very well, carry me off to your lair.” 

His grip on me tightened a little and there was a brief sensation of a swallowed growl. Interesting. Also, he was definitely stronger than he pretended. His breathing barely quickened even after he climbed a flight of stairs while carrying me. I might not be more than a hundred pounds, but that was still almost a hundred pounds to be lugging up stairs in mountain air.

“Shit, I just realized why I’m so tired. The air is thinner up here.” I blurted out in sudden realization. 

His steps faltered and he looked down at me with a startled, puzzled expression. I could see him thinking carefully before he spoke. “Thin air?” He said cautiously and I had the distinct impression I might have just said something most people might not know about. It was very hard to keep track of what common modern knowledge was groundbreaking science here.

“Uh… Mountains have thinner air. Harder to breathe…” I decided to just roll with my ‘mysterious prophet’ bit. “I need to speak with Adan and have him start making blood bolstering potions for those with the most trouble functioning.”

“Or you can send a runner.” He said with the slightest eye roll. He still glanced at me with that searching look as he nudged the door to the Rotunda open with his foot. 

I should have expected the Rotunda, but it was the Rotunda! Dusty, unlit, and smelling a little bit like bird poop, but the Rotunda! He set me down on the mysterious sofa that I actually had no idea how he got… but it was magically free of dust. Literally magically free of dust apparently as he cast a spell and the dust on the floor disappeared.

I may have gasped. “You have to teach me that! Please!” Dust removal magic! 

He smirked, the smug man. “Of course. Later, after you have rested properly.” 

Bossy, but I nodded meekly. Dust removal magic! He stepped back and gestured at the area. “What do you think of the space? I was hoping to procure a desk for my studies.”

I wanted to bounce on the couch and squeak, but restrained myself and instead looked around the space critically. “You would have a lot of foot traffic.” I pointed out.

He nodded. “That is true, The Spymaster has plans to set up in the top and the gardens are through that door. I believe it will lend an air of… openness to my work.” 

Okay, that made sense. There was probably another reason too, knowing him. “True. People are a bit suspicious of mysterious elf mages who refuse to talk about their past or how they acquired odd knowledge.”

He narrowed his eyes slightly at me. “Indeed. Though that description applies to both of us, does it not?”

I snickered, because yes, yes it did. For vastly different reasons, but yes, it did. I looked around the rotunda and grinned. “The walls need paint.” 

He looked around consideringly and nodded. “Yes… I would ask however that you leave that for me?”

I pretended to think about it. “On one condition. You let me make pillows for this couch.”

Solas looked at me, one of those unreadable and intense looks, and he jerked his chin in a short nod. “That is acceptable.” 

There was a slight inflection on ‘acceptable’ that made it somehow sound like ‘desired’. He liked soft things. He hesitated, then moved to the wall near the sofa, where the scaffolding was in the game. “There is something here. The key has been lost to time, but I can find the threads of the spell to put a new key to the wards.”

Before I could ask what he meant, he… stepped through the wall. And then back out. I stared at him in absolute shocked wonder, because suddenly so, so many things made so much more sense. He extended his hand towards me and I felt a little dreamlike as I stood and took it and he pulled me through the wall. There was a vague humming sensation as I passed through the false wall, something incomplete, it felt like. A single veilfire torch lit a narrow, spiral stair way around a mosaiced column, and Solas carefully led me down. I trailed my hand over the mosaic as we descended. It was a forest scene with stylized wolves running through the trees. 

We went around one final turn and then I gasped, my hand tightening around Solas’ fingers as we came to a massive underground cavern. It was lit here and there with veilfire torches, just enough to see a bubbling spring flowing into a series of pools on one side, an empty expanse easily twice the size of the courtyard, and doors lining the cavern walls that must lead to more rooms or even hallways. It… it was enough to fit a whole town of people. 

I walked to one of the doors in a daze and pushed it open, sending up a cloud of dust. It was a small room with space for a bed and a little ‘water closet’ built into one carved wall. There was room for my pack. Hidden, safe… guarded by the Dread Wolf.

“I was thinking this might fit your needs for your people.” Solas said softly. 

I felt his thumb stroking the back of my hand, and then he was pulling me towards him and carefully lifting his hand to my face again. I was crying, but… “It’s perfect.” I wrapped him into a hug, burying my face into his shoulder. “Thank you. Ma serannas.” 

He had shown me the secret part of his fortress and it was hidden and safe and… he had shown it to me. I felt the ghost of what might have been a kiss to my hair as he held me, and even outside of the fade I could feel he practically radiated satisfaction. 

“I was thinking you could key the spell of your amulets into the wall.” 

That was a perfect idea! Except… Solas would not knowingly lock himself out of his own fortress. I pulled back to gape at him. “You sneaky old wolf! You have an amulet like mine, don’t you?!” 

He had the good grace to blush slightly, though he gave me that searching, narrow eyed expression and I realized I had called him a wolf to his face. After a moment he huffed. “Does that mean I am one of your wolves then?”

Sneaky, crafty, tricky old wolf. He planned this, I knew it! “I knew there was a string in there somewhere.” I muttered and curled back into the hug. His arms tightened around me at the motion. “Pack looks out for each other. Everyone works together to help each other. Everyone is important, no one is alone.” 

He pressed his cheek against my hair and I felt him breath deeply before he spoke, his voice quiet and holding a sense of wonder too. “That was not a no, Lady Wolf.” He inhaled again. “I expected you to be angry.” 

“I knew there was a string. I accepted it. You’re a sneaky one.” I squeezed him a little tighter. “And that was not a no. If the others are alright with it, then yes. You’re pack. If they aren’t, you’re still one of my wolves.” 

He seemed to think that over for a moment before speaking into my hair. “I know a spell that mimics sunlight, so that things can be grown underground.”

I did squeak in delight at that thought and pulled back to look at him in excited glee. “Are you trying to woo me? Because this is definitely the way to go!”

He gave me a very quiet, intense look, before lifting my hand up and brushing a kiss across the back of it. Oh.

Oh.

“I’m glad you approve.” He said against my hand, a very smug smile on his lips as he looked at me through his lashes. 

Oh.

...

Smug ass. 


	14. Chapter 14

As official Castellan, I had to pick a secretary, a personal runner, a scribe, and a few people to delegate different areas of my job to. Onhalla became my secretary and handled the incoming notes and messages, sorting through what needed my attention most urgently and basically allowing me to just handle things as she handed it off to me. 

Jim, of course, was working as my runner for Fiona, so I hired one of the older elven kids that had lost their parents in Haven. Lahnehn quite happily became my scribe, writing furiously as I dictated, copying out forms I needed multiples of, so on, all with Rasa tied to her back in a sling, the amazing woman. 

Terys, I set in charge of organizing the cleaning and rebuilding efforts, he had a head for it. Sa’nehn weaseled his way into becoming my personal aide, which meant he would make sure I ate, drank, and rested. He was not above siccing Bull or Krem on me to sit on me and make me sleep. Harrill took over the ‘green’ side of running Skyhold, organizing the gardens, crops, herbs, and even started sketching out plans for an orchard with the help of some of the ex farmers. I was supremely jealous of her job. 

Basically I stuck my pack in charge of Skyhold and when asked if I thought it was wise to trust so much to ‘such as  _ those _ ’, I would very slowly and pointedly reach up and rub the point of my ear. I also broke a soldier's nose when he refused to believe I was the Castellan. It was satisfying. Cullen sighed when he heard. At least, that is what the runner (one of the elves I worked with enough to have a sense of comradery but not enough to know their name) told me. 

Adaar had left with Solas, Sera, and Cassandra for the Fallow Mire, with a few cryptic words of advice from me, with the intention of swinging through the Hinterlands to pick up ‘Blackwall’, again with a few cryptic words of advice from me. While he was gone, I threw myself into getting Skyhold running, during the day at least. There hadn’t been enough time before he had to leave to ask the Pack if Solas could join, but that was alright. 

I… was not prepared for a ‘courting’ Solas. It was… unexpected. I didn’t know what to do with it! Every other night he would show up in my dreams and sometimes we would talk, sometimes we would just sit in silence, sometimes we would work on my elvhen. It was nice. Unexpected, slightly terrifying, but nice. Sweet too. 

He would always kiss my hand before leaving my dreams and he started to call me Lady Wolf with… a very heady note of pleased wonder. As if he was shocked I would accept his ‘suit’. It was adorably old fashioned and I wasn’t sure how to react other than to… go with it. I didn’t mind the idea of being ‘courted’ by Solas, it was just… unexpected. 

I guess there was less hesitance as I wasn’t the Inquisitor and more likely to become his enemy. Or perhaps it was because I was willing to Fade Cuddle the Dread Wolf. Or it was one of those moments where the significance had escaped me… I just mentally chalked it up to ‘I don’t know but okay’. 

I spent my ‘delegating’ time while he was gone knitting. It was not uncommon to find me issuing orders while knitting away. Josephine had gifted me a lovely skein of Fade Green yarn after I helped her with the troublesome nobles by suggesting she sic Vivienne onto them. It worked out all around. Anyway, I was knitting one of those loopy, soft pillows that Solas liked in my dreamscape to put on his couch. I also had a desk made and pulled into the center of the rotunda for him when he got back. 

It was terribly domestic.

I also started working on the new Den. It was simple enough to key the false wall into the amulets, lay a subtle ‘notice me not’ ward around it so no one could see the people coming and going, and start to set the new Den up. We were still small right now, but I didn’t doubt we would expand quickly, and we needed to be prepared. I ended up spending one day carried around by Sa’nehn as I had used up all of my mana casting the false sun spell on one side of the cavern. In our brief snatches of spare time we all started building raised garden beds and filling them with kitchen scraps to compost. 

With the sun spell it was too bright to sleep in the cavern, but we found one of the larger rooms along the cavern wall and turned it into our designated sleeping space. The pack preferred to keep the puppy pile verses their own separate rooms. It made us all feel a little more secure. 

As Skyhold came together things fell into a sense of routine and it became easier to manage, especially as we all figured out how to do our jobs more efficiently. Mother Giselle tried to take over the garden area, and a very, very petty part of me wanted to refuse her, because fuck the Chantry, but I grudgingly let her set up in there, with the understanding that the Inquisitor would have to approve when he returned. She tried to convert me. I laughed in her face. I also took the three elf kids that were ‘under her care’. Yeah no, I was not letting them be raised by an organization that doesn’t even think they are people in the eyes of their god.

So we had three new kids in the Den, Anise, Ellas, and Haleir, and while I was leading them to the Den, I was approached by a rather nervous looking Vashoth woman. She was leaner than most of the qunari I had seen, and her horns were cut close to her skull. It was the little, faded scars around her mouth that made me realize why she was so nervous though. She was a mage. 

“Lady Wolf?” She straightened, put her hands behind her back in an at ease posture, then seemed to realize it made her tower over me and she hunched nervously. “Someone… I can’t remember who…” She frowned in thought, then shook her head. “Someone told me to speak to you about… having somewhere safe.” 

Cole must have sent her my way. I couldn’t imagine she was overly accepted among the mages. Racism was rampant in Thedas. 

She had a distinct Qunari accent. “My name is Saam. I can be useful. I have strong magic and I can work hard, be a good help.”

I wanted to hug her. I did. She did the hand flaily thing people did when they weren’t used to hugs. “Come with us, we’re meeting up with the Pack for supper, I can introduce you to them and if we all agree, you’re in. We all help each other.” 

The elf kids I had claimed stared up at Saam in wide eyed awe the whole trip to the wall, and I heard them, Saam and children, gasp in shock when I took their hands and pulled them through the ward. It was satisfying to my dramatic sense. Saam inhaled sharply when the cavern came into view, staring at the sun spell in awe. I gave her the quick tour and explained how things worked, and while there was a bit of wariness among the pack at the new people, she was quickly accepted and had tears in her eyes when she was presented with her own amulet. 

Saam was terribly shy. She was a gifted fire mage, and was delighted when I showed her all of the non violent ways to use fire. Cooking glyphs, warming glyphs, heating the pools of water for bathing, sanitizing stone, so many non violent ways to use fire. She had had enough violence in her life and was content to work in the Den, only stepping out when necessary to get seeds or fabric or whatever else she needed to occupy herself in the safety of the Den. I named her the honorary Den Keeper as she spent so much time in it, and she seemed proud to have an official role in the pack. I taught her the sun spell and she carefully managed the one in the cavern, keeping it strong and thriving. 

I was playing in my dreamscape that evening. It wasn’t one of the nights that Solas would visit, so I was indulging myself with a few memories of dancing and music. I wasn’t the best of dancers, but it was fun, especially as you didn’t get physically tired in the fade. I was playing with my memory of Halestorm’s I Am the Fire, one of the best songs to dance to, to just move and fee l. “I am the fire! I am burning brighter! Roaring like a storm, and I am the one I've been waiting for! Screaming like a siren, alive and burning brighter!” 

I twirled. Then… froze at the sight of Fen’Harel watching me. Well… this was embarrassing. He thumped his tail once, sending up a cloud of frost, and I buried my face in my hands. “I am mortified.” 

“You sing well.” He projected in that distorted voice.

“Thank you. “ I muttered, muffled by my hands. I noticed he had not complimented my dancing.

“Do you…” There was a delicate, well as delicate as a massive six eyed wolf with a distorted voice could be, pause. “Enjoy dancing?”

“Complicated question again there, big guy.” I sighed and pried my face out of my hands. “If you can call untrained, uncoordinated flailing dancing, then yes.” 

He tilted his head, blinking at me thoughtfully with all six eyes. “I assure you no harm will come to you tonight from me. Do you trust me?”

Oooh boy. “Yes.” 

Instantly everything went black and I found myself reaching out blindly. He wasn’t going to hurt me, but there is definitely an unnerving vulnerability to being without sight. Almost instantly his hand took mine and his other hand rested on my waist. Dancing… I felt up his chest and put my hand on his shoulder like I had seen in the movies. 

He slowly moved and I stumbled after him, trusting but unfamiliar with the moves. Eventually I had found the pattern, and fell into the steps after his lead. Funnily enough, the rhythm of it seemed to match the acoustic tempo of I am the Fire, and I played the memory of it as I focused on the dance.

“You have a suitor.” He said suddenly.

“Are you jealous?” I asked playfully with a pointed glance at vaguely where his hand was on my waist. His fingers flexed slightly and then slid down to rest right above my hip. 

“Perhaps.” I heard him inhale slightly, scenting emotions or however that worked for him. “That amuses you.”

“Very much so.” Oh, so very much so. Being jealous of yourself.

I felt a wisp of playful curiosity. “And if I asked you to choose between us?”

“I don't see why I have to.” I shrugged. 

“How very… unconventional of you.” He sounded shocked and delighted.

“Quite.” I said dryly. This was hilarious. I may also be playing with the trickster, so that was also very hilarious. “Because I am known for being ‘conventional’.”

He hummed and I squeaked when he suddenly twirled me and I stumbled over my feet at the unexpected movement. He pulled me back against his chest and I ended up falling practically into him. “It seems that I have competition for your attention.”

“Uh-uh, if you two want to go all weird and jealous, do it on your own time. I refuse to be fought over.” This was a very surreal situation. Blind dancing with an elven ‘god’ while he was pretending to be jealous over himself. Of… me. 

He chuckled and… hello stomach flutters. “I did not mention fighting, Tarlen’Fen. However,” he stopped dancing and the hand holding my waist moved to my face. “Do you truly not wish to choose between us?”

“No. I don’t.” I answered honestly. 

I felt a wisp of surprise and delight and then his forehead pressing against mine. “Then may I?”

Oh… “Yes.”

A brief, gentle press of his lips over mine. 

Oh. 

He stepped back before I could react and I could feel how smug and amused he felt. “Good morning, Tarlen’Fen. Until we meet again.”

I woke up with a grin on my face. Oh, that was how he wanted to play this? Okay then. 

I kept a certain skip in my step as I barreled through the following days. Delegation, knitting, organizing, all the fun parts of having a job that I absolutely didn’t want, but… 

Oh my god… I was the castellan of Skyhold, not the Inquisition. I managed to wheedle a copy of the document from Josephine and stole a few minutes to pour over it and… as far as I could tell, the Inquisition had basically handed the fortress to me. Half of me wanted to storm back to Josephine and ask how the hell she let this happen, this sort of oversight wasn’t like her. The other half… was very content to sit on this and be able to keep the fortress after the Inquisition disbanded.

Yes. I was keeping Skyhold, by hook or crook. 

I probably needed some noble support or something, but I was not above just warding the gate shut and keeping Skyhold. It made me a little more confident when directing things to my taste.

Mine. The thought sent a little vicious thrill through me. Mine. 

(Okay, yes, Solas’ actually, but… mine too.)

“So. What happened to your face, Fluffy?” Varric asked as I walked by his perch with my entourage of Sa’nehn and at least one elf kid. Today it was Anise. 

Achievement unlocked: A Varric Tethras Nickname. I smothered my fan girl glee and scrubbed at my face. “Did someone draw on my face again?” 

Anise giggled and then clapped their hands over their mouth as if they were afraid they would get in trouble for making noise. I was working on fixing the damage the chantry had already dealt. Children were definitely supposed to be seen and heard in my opinion. Varric fished out a tin of sweets and held them out to them, looking at me instead of them as he spoke. “No. In fact, it looks like someone washed off all of the drawings. Even the permanent one.” 

Anise looked at me uncertainly and when I nodded, lunged forward and snagged a sweet, then went back to hide behind my legs with a whispered ‘thank you’. 

I wiggled my fingers and smiled. “Magic.” 

He regarded me for a moment. “I have this friend who is Dalish. I wrote to her, talking about everything going on. Mentioned you.”

Merrill. I cocked my hip and tilted my head in a curious, ‘go on’ gesture. 

“She is terrible at writing back, gets very wrapped up in her work. But eventually, she did and she had the most fascinating things to say about Dalish and wolves.” 

I smiled placidly and waited.

He finally sighed. “You gotta give me something to work with here, Fluffy.”

“I was just waiting to hear where your story went.” I shrugged. “You are famous for them. Also, have a word with your Orlesian publisher about your Swords and Shields series.” 

“Well. That is an on non sequitur.” He raised his eyebrows. “But I will check it out and also get to the point you are so rudely making me say bluntly. Dalish are terrified of wolves, but you wear them, act like one, even had a vallaslin of one.” 

“And what does that tell you?” There wasn’t a question in there and he made a sour face as he realized it. 

“That you are the weirdest Dalish ever?” He said with a joking grin. 

I rolled my hand with my own grin. “Oooooor?”

“You’re not Dalish.” He sat back and made a ‘huh’ noise. “Well. That just made you a whole lot more mysterious.” 

“I have a cloak.” I demonstrated by grabbing an edge of the cloak and slinging it over my face like Dracula. 

He blinked at me, then laughed. “Alright, Fluffy. The actual point is, Merril wants to write to you.” He held up a letter between two fingers. “Under the impression that you might be a Dalish in possession of some lost elvhen lore.” 

I grimaced, but took the letter he offered me. “Ah. I’m afraid I’m a disappointment there.” 

“Seems so.” He shrugged and picked up his pen. “It was a long shot anyway.”

I hesitated, then plucked his pen out of his fingers and quickly wrote down the elvhen alphabet with all of the common phonetic guides. I gave him back his pen and scurried off before he could question me. 

Instead I heard an amused, “Thanks!” Shouted at my retreating back.

I felt a little giddy at giving Merrill something to work off of. It would make translating a little easier anyway. I finished my delegating and found myself with a bit of spare time, so I decided to head down to the tavern area to find Skinner for a long neglected lesson. I did not make it half way through the main hall before a runner intercepted me with a message. Lady Vivienne wanted to speak with me. 

“Joy.” I gritted. She was a fabulous character, very well written. Not the most pleasant of people to deal with first hand. I went up to her little nook that let her watch over both the courtyard and the main hall and sat in the chair opposite her little cushioned throne. She raised her eyebrows at my ‘impertinence’ at sitting without an invitation, but I really didn’t care. Sa’nehn stood at my right hand and Anise sat behind the chair to play with the carved wolf I had whittled in a fit of whimsy. 

“Lady Wolf, I believe you are called now? You have risen a long way from being a self proclaimed nobody and nothing to Castellan of Skyhold.”

“Kost has a terrible sense of humor.” I smiled my best customer service smile. I probably should have realized she would get interested in me with my perceived rise to ‘power’. 

She poured us both a cup of tea and I had no idea how tea parties worked. Once upon a time I had played tea party with some kids, but… I don’t think that was adequate training for facing off with a master of the Game. Oh well, I just picked up the cup like I normally would and thanked her, sniffing it curiously. Orange blossom, black tea, and a hint of… mint. Subtle. Expensive. 

I sipped at it and it tasted good. Really good. I might have to invest in a tea tree for the Den. “Orange blossom and mint tea?”

She gave me a pleased smile. “Indeed. You have a discerning palate.” Her eyes flicked over me calculatingly. “I was wondering if you had planned to update your wardrobe to match your new station.” 

“No. Not really.” I sipped at the tea. “I like to wear breeches and tunics to allow me to get hands on with my work. Lahnehn is working on a dress for formal occasions in her spare time, but I hope to never use it.”

“You might need to think a little more about your appearances though, my dear. Castellan of Skyhold comes with a lot of scrutiny.”

“Again, I am a knife ear. Dress me up as pretty as you want, half the people down there won’t look past my ears so I see no reason to inconvenience myself and impede with my efficiency at my job.”

“Fascinating.” She looked intrigued. “If I may, I would find some pleasure in commissioning a wardrobe for you. Tunics and breeches, as you prefer.”

I studied her over the tea cup. What was she after? Trying to gain a potential ally? Setting me up? No… I didn’t think she was malicious. Yet. I was Adaar’s friend, and she did want to get his sway for the fancy seat... I looked at Sa’nehn. “Did you bring any paper with you?”

He nodded and brought out paper and a quill and I laid them out on the table. “I will have some requirements, to ensure that both of us get what we want out of this.” 

She inclined her head. “I would be disappointed if you didn’t.” 

We spent almost an hour haggling over the wardrobe. I didn’t want any Orlesian styles, no colors associated with the Chantry, nothing impractical, but yes, she could put wolves on anything she wanted, but anything real gold or silver would not be accepted. I felt like we had come to a satisfying arrangement by the time I left with an appointment to get measured by her personal seamstress. 

I left her nook and let out a breath. That… went well? I think it went well. 

“That went well.” Leliana’s voice startled me and I jumped and covered my mouth to smother the shriek and Sa’nehn drew his dagger and shoved me back. Sweet kid. I thanked him and we both relaxed under Leliana’s watchful eye.

“I was hoping it did. I’m not very well versed in the Game.” I rubbed my temples, feeling a little bit of a stress headache. 

“Interesting.” She hummed.

“Not you too.” I whined. “Can you at least tell me what you think you learned so I can learn what I’m accidentally saying?” 

She arched an eyebrow but began listing. “You recognize the taste of orange blossoms and tea, which means you are familiar with more exotic things.”

Shoot… oranges were common back home. Exotic here. 

“You have no fear of rank or authority, yet are not trained in the finer things. You speak with a dwarven, perhaps a Free Marcher accent, and dress… as a peasant.” She said bluntly. “An adopted noble’s daughter perhaps. Educated, protected, never expected to navigate society. You are also quite adept at negotiating contracts and have a distinct sense of… practicality. Possibly a merchant noble.”

“Huh…” 

Leliana narrowed her eyes. “And all of that is wrong, isn’t it.” 

“I’m familiar with oranges?” I shrugged. 

“Fascinating.” She looked over me and then smiled. “Adaar returns tomorrow.”

I grinned, happy with the news. “Oh! Awesome! I’ll get things ready.” 

I sent people to make sure Adaar’s rooms were dusted and the sheets were clean, and the same treatment for Sera and Cassandra’s room. I also took a chance and had a little ruffled pillow added to Cassandra’s bed. Then I had another room set aside for Blackwall. It was at that point that I had no idea where Solas slept and whether that was on purpose or not. 

Something I intended to ask about when I met him in the fade that night. Well… I  _ intended _ to ask him about it, but he prowled into my dream with a certain air of smugness that meant he was up to something. So the first thing I blurted out was, “Fen’Harel kissed me.” 

He came to an abrupt, sudden halt and stared at me. “Fen… Harel? The elvhen god?” That reaction was spot on perfect. 

“Yes, keep up please.” I rolled my hand. “I’ve met him a few times and he kissed me. I thought it was only fair you know.” 

He drew himself back. “He is pursuing you.”

“I think so?”

“How do you know it is not a demon?” He asked with concern. If I didn’t know he already knew I would have been fooled.

“He ran from me.” I really didn’t know how to explain that I just  _ knew _ when it was Solas without giving away the fact that I knew it was Solas. “I tried to touch him and he ran.” 

He regarded me for a moment and I waited for him to decide how he wanted to play his own game. Finally, he spoke. “Do you… want me to withdraw my suit?” 

“Heavens no!” I stepped forward and reached for him. He let me catch his sleeve.

“Then what? Am I to compete for your attention?” He asked softly, leaning closer to me. “Winner takes all?” He took a half step towards me and continued before I could protest that phrasing. “No, you are not a thing or prize. You… would have both.” 

I nodded, slightly entranced by the cadence of his words. He really did have a lovely voice. 

“You would have both a god and a man at your side. A hand for each?” He said in a low tone, moving closer so that we were only separated by a bare inch. He ducked his head to speak into my ear. “A god and a man for the Lady Wolf?”

“You don’t believe in ‘gods’.” My voice sounded more breathless than I would have liked.

“Correct, I do not.” His hand trailed up my arm in a memory of heat. “Do you?”

“Not exactly.” I realized what he was going to do as he cupped the side of my face and I put my hand on his chest. “Not here. He took the first dreaming kiss, you should have the first waking kiss.” 

He stilled and pulled back to look at me and he smiled, a wolfish, devious smile, “Ma nuvenin, Lady Wolf.”

Hello stomach flutters and company. 

He smirked, the smug ass, and leaned forward so his breath ghosted over my ear. “Wake up.”

I opened my eyes and found Mina’s foot on my chest. 

That quickly killed the mood. 

Also answered a question I had as to where Solas was sleeping. It was going to be in one of the rooms. I decided. I very carefully wiggled out of the wolf pile and went to one of the rooms near the pool to start cleaning it out.

(I may also have taken care of uh… things.)

I cleaned out the room of dust as best as I could and then frowned at the fact that the pack was still sleeping and normally Terys was the first one up. I wrote a note.

“Solas. Please stop waking me up in the middle of the night if you have no intention of filling the hours until everyone else is awake. Fen”

Subtle? No. I put it in my pocket to pin to the inside of the door after I got help pulling a mattress in. For now, I decided to wander Skyhold while everything was quiet. With my daggers. I wasn’t stupid. 

I climbed up the winding stairs and stepped out of the false wall and was promptly greeted by sputtering curses and the blade end of a staff. I blinked at it and realized I probably needed to learn a barrier spell.

“Fasta vass, Fen! Where did you come from!” Dorian said frantically, pulling back the staff and… patting me down as if to search for injuries. 

“I was coming up to find a mattress.” I very gently caught his hands and pushed them back. “But now I realized it’s been too long since I’ve checked on you and I want to know how you’re doing.” 

He blinked at me. “Check on me?” His mouth thinned. “Come to make sure I’m not sacrificing babies after all?”

“I was actually going to check if you had a safe place to sleep. That no one has been bothering you too much. It’s rough being an ‘outsider’.” I said patiently. 

“Oh.” 

“Yes, oh. I told you, I’m only afraid of that mustache.” I decided now was a good time to hug him. 

“Entirely foolish of you. It’s a glorious mustache.” He did the ‘what is a hug’ hand flail before hugging me back, stiffly, and then relaxing into it suddenly.

“Dragons are glorious and you don’t see me wanting to grow one.” 

He was silent for a moment. “Bull has been… flirting with me.”

“Wait until after his loyalties are made clear. He’s a good man, but the Qun leads to blood and death.” I said quietly. 

His arms loosened as if he was going to try to run away. “How cryptic of you.” He then sighed and patted my shoulder. “You are a rare gem, Fen. Stay away from Tevinter.”

I pulled out of the hug and flicked my ear. “No argument here.” 

He looked uncomfortable before sighing. “I… want to…”

“I know. After.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “You are terribly mysterious and cryptic. It is an entire aesthetic, ruined by your abominable fashion sense. One would think you were borrowing clothes from our favorite… Hobo… apostate.” He grinned in delight. “That  _ is _ his shirt!” 

I nodded. “Yes, yes it is. And fret not your pretty head. Lady Vivienne and I negotiated a new wardrobe for myself.” 

He made an offronted sound. “You went to Vivienne? That won’t do.”

“I was captured by Vivienne for a very polite cup of tea. I also refused to let her pick out any jewelry, shoes, or belts for me.” 

His eyes lit up. “But accessories are the most important part!”

“I know.” I gave him a smug smile. “And I leave that in your capable hands. I like wolves, I carry daggers, and I refuse to wear gold or silver. I like practical things. Silence is a weapon, nothing that jingles.” 

He rubbed his hands together. “I can work with that.” 

I hugged him again. “Take care of yourself, Dorian.”

“You as well, little gem.” 

‘Little Gem’. I ruthlessly suppressed the fangirl swoon and went on my original mission. A mattress. A mattress… or talking to the very tense figure pacing the walls outside that I caught sight of through the open main hall doors…

I actually had to think about that for a minute. Cullen was… big and scary in person. But he was hurting and my biggest weakness is a hurting person. I climbed down the stairs and then back up some stairs, and then leaned against the giant stone things that line the top of the walls to catch my breath. Cullen looked at me with a bewildered expression and I held up a finger. 

“One…” (breathe) “second…” 

“Where is your cloak?” He sounded strained, and a second later I was almost knocked over by the weight of his cloak being dropped over my shoulders.

Damn, that thing was a lot heavier than it looked. I inhaled and tried to catch some of the thin air as I indulged and wrapped myself up in his cloak like a burrito so just my eyes peeked out because it was just so big and fluffy. “I got…” (breathe) “distracted.” (breathe) “Thank you.” (breathe) “Are you-” (breathe) “Alright?”

He looked confused. “Uh… yes. Are you?””

I nodded. “Mountain air,” (breathe) “Not used to.” Eloquent, Fen. Really eloquent. Shut up internal voice, I need air.

He made a noise of realization. “Ah. Why are you up here this time of the night?”

I peeked over the fur of his cloak and leveled him a  _ look _ . He looked uncomfortable for a moment, before awkwardly and abruptly changing the subject. 

“You have been avoiding me since my… outburst. In Haven.” 

Oh. Yeah… I winced, then wormed a hand out of his cloak and stepped close enough to measure from the top of my head to his chest. 

He suddenly looked hurt. Crap. Not what I was going for. “I would not-“ he winced in pain and his hand went to his head, “Forgive me, I-“ he sighed, closed his eyes. The man was in pain and trying to hold a conversation.

Hurt person. “Hey, it’s alright. Do,” (breathe), “you want me to try and help with that?” I gestured up at his head. “I know a few tricks for getting rid of headaches.” (breathe) “No magic.” 

He frowned and looked away. “That is… not-“ he sighed again. “Thank you, but potions will not work for-“

“Sit.” I didn’t mean to say it so sharply, but I was still a bit out of breath.

To my utter shock, he sat right there on the ground, then blinked as if he had not meant to do that. Soldier, right. “I... “ I decided to forgo the apology. “Is it alright if I move behind you?” 

He hesitated but nodded, looking nervous, embarrassed, and curious. I carefully moved behind him and then asked again. PTSD was not something you tried to spring surprises on. “Is it alright if I put my hands on your neck?”

He tensed. “I don’t think-” He paused, tightened his jaw and then nodded. 

“Unclench your jaw. Grinding your teeth causes tension headaches.” I scolded lightly, and then started working the muscles of the back of his neck with my thumbs. “Teeth apart, brow loose, hands open, knees unlocked. It’s a checklist to go through during the day.”

He nodded slightly, and then let his head drop forward. Puppy. He did unclench his jaw though. Also, not that it surprised me, but that was a hell of a lot of tension. “Eight glasses of water a day at minimum. Dehydration causes headaches. And three meals a day. Hunger causes headaches.” I carefully skirted around the real cause of his headaches and just went for all of the other reasons that were probably making them worse. “I would say at least six candlemarks of sleep… but I feel like I’m the last one to be allowed to say that.” 

He huffed. “Water, food, rest, and relax.” His voice trailed off as I pressed into a particularly stubborn knot and turned into a groaning whine sound. His flush on the back of his neck was very visible despite the night. I very professionally did not coo. Puppy. An oversized Mabari puppy. Very Ferelden.

“My dad had headaches.” I said, trying to keep him from feeling awkward enough to stand up. “We used to do this, mom and I. One thing he learned is even if you can’t sleep, staying in bed with your eyes closed and just breathing will help you feel better in the morning than pacing. Do you know what box breathing is?”

He made a sound that might have been a no.

“You inhale for the count of four, hold it for the count of four, exhale for the count of four, and then hold it for the count of four. You keep doing it. It helps you relax, might make you fall asleep. I use it for my panic attacks. My dad used it to help him sleep.”

He tensed slightly, then consciously relaxed. “What is a panic attack?”

“It’s… hard to explain. But basically my mind gets so caught up in something that I can’t… think and my body starts panicking. Box breathing helps me calm down.” I was soooo not qualified for this. 

He was silent, but I noticed his breathing took on a measured pace. Good. He was actually listening. His shoulders dropped slightly and I stepped back and gathered up his cloak and dropped it back over his shoulders. “Get some rest, Commander.”

He startled slightly and stood quickly. “Yes-” He paused, frowned and gave me an amused glance. “You as well, Lady Wolf.” 

I saluted and turned to begin the climb down, but paused when I heard his soft, “Thank you.”

I gave him a serious look. “I am happy to help.” 

He nodded and I waved goodbye. I still needed to find a mattress. 


	15. Chapter 15

I greeted Adaar in the courtyard when he came in. Sa’nehn and Onhalla flanked me on either side and I was holding the hand of the elf kid that wanted to shadow me today. Haleir today. Adaar jumped off of his horses, sending up a cloud of dust and sauntered up to me with a grin. “Castellan.”

“Inquisitor.” I said primly.

He laughed and I let go of Haleir’s hand long enough to hug him.

“Welcome back to Skyhold, Kost. There’s food and a hot bath in your room, and I already negotiated with Josephine to let you have both before business.”

“You’re an amazing woman, Fen.” He let out a happy sigh and kissed the top of my head before moving off. 

Sera and I did a simple fist bump of greeting and I saluted Cassandra and sent her off to have her own bath and hot food. I could see Solas fiddling with the tack on the horse he had ridden, watching and stalling as I dealt with the others. Blackwall. Blackwall...

“Ser Blackwall. I am Castellan Fenensalan. I had a room prepared for your use and can have someone show you to it.” 

He seemed a little startled at my knowing who he was without introductions, and then seemed caught in uncertainty of how to act. I could almost see him thinking, ‘bow? Salute? What do I do?’ He settled on an awkward nod. “Thank you, Lady Fenasal.” 

I hid my amusement at his butchering of my name, but Sa’nehn spoke up irritably. He hated it when people messed up my name. “You can call her Lady Wolf.” 

He blushed in embarrassment behind the beard, “Oh. Uh, alright. Lady Wolf.” 

I put him out of his misery and had one of the runners show him to the room I had set aside for him, near the stables so he could carve while he could. That left Solas. I tucked Haleir’s hand into Onhalla’s, and stepped towards him, mimicking his own posture by folding my hands in the small of my back. 

“Solas.” I stepped up to him until I had to tilt my head back to look at his face.

“Lady Wolf.” He watched me, seemingly placid but his eyes had darkened. 

I smiled. “Aren’t you going to kiss me hello?” 

His breath caught and his voice lowered. “In front of all?”

“Unless that bothers you.”

A very slow, very pleased smile spread across his face and he ducked and brushed a soft, chaste kiss onto my lips. “You constantly surprise me, Lady Wolf.” He murmured. 

“There’s more.” I assured him, and took his hand, enjoying the quiet, shocked exhale he let out at the public touch. I deliberately ignored the murmurs as I led him to the Rotunda to show him the desk and the simple scaffolding. And the pillow. 

He froze for a moment when he saw it, his lips parting in a wondering inhale and he drifted towards it and ran a hand over it with a smile. “You made this.”

“For you.” I confirmed. “I made it for you.” 

He swallowed, and then turned to me and lifted my hand and pressed a kiss to it. “You honor me with your gift.” 

My stomach fluttered and I felt my ears heat up with a blush at the earnest, heated way he said it. I cleared my throat. “There’s more.”

He blinked in surprise and wonder, “More? Already you acknowledge me before all, give me gifts made by your own hand, even try to arrange things to my taste.” He gestured at the desk with his free hand, though his eyes did not leave mine.

I grinned and stepped backwards, pulling him towards the wall. “Tamahn ir’tas garal.” 

He gave me a pleased smile at my elvhen attempt. I kept his hand in mine as we wound down the stairs into the Den and I gently tugged him to the room I had set up. “I didn’t have time to completely prepare it, but I did my best.” I opened the door and stepped aside so he could see. 

The mattress was on the floor as I didn't have a bed made yet, but it was made up with a pillow and a blanket, both as soft as I had been able to find. A simple, empty bookshelf was against one wall, a little dresser, and I had found a lantern as well to light the area. It really wasn’t much by modern standards, but if you looked at it from a wolf’s point of view… I was giving him a space inside my own. Welcoming him. 

If the shaky exhale he let out was anything to judge by, that was how he took it. “Fenensalan… I had thought to bring you a gift but I fear it pales in comparison.” He whispered, as he slid his pack off of his shoulder and set it onto the ground.

He pulled me forward by my hand until his arms were around me in a gentle but intimate embrace and he breathed into my hair, scenting like the creepy wolf he was. “The Fallow Mire did not have the best selection for gifts, I’m afraid.”

He didn’t seem to want to let me go, but pulled away enough to crouch by his pack and start to dig through it. I kept my hand on his shoulder, curious and a little bit… fluttery at all of this. It was, dare I think it, romantic. He stood and held out a trio of folded paper packets. “This is not the gift, but something I thought you would appreciate. Herb seeds. Dawn Lotus, Blood Lotus, and Elfroot.”

“Oh!” I gasped and took them eagerly. “Ma serannas!” Seeds! Useful seeds! That was so thoughtful. 

He smiled, pleased, and a little smug because it was Solas. He held up his other hand and let a little pendant drop to hang from the braided leather cord. It was a stylized carving of a howling wolf made of a gray and red striped stone. It gave off a hum when I touched it. 

“I made it with my hands and magic.” That phrase kept coming up and I wondered at the significance as he watched me intently as he spoke. “ It is spelled to protect you from minor attacks and will also help strengthen your fire spells. I made it for you.”

Oh… I felt my breath catch at his slight uncertainty in the last sentence. “It’s beautiful. Will you put it on me?” 

He looked relieved and jerked his chin in a nod before gently turning me so my back was facing him. Him behind me like that still made the hair on my neck stand up and he brushed his fingers up the short hairs on the back of my skull before he carefully tied the leather cord around my neck so the wolf hung just below my collarbone. I bent my head to admire it and felt his lips press against the nape of my neck, softly but still enough to send heat and interest down my spine. 

He exhaled, breath hot against my neck, and then stepped back quickly, tucking his hands behind his back. “I am glad it pleases you.” 

Push and pull, bait and flee. Romancing Solas and Fen’Harel was  _ not _ linear. I felt a sudden shock of ‘what are you doing, Fen?’ as I realized I had somehow gone from constant low grade terror to plotting how to get him in bed. Oops. He was still watching me, waiting for my response, so I tucked that aside to think of later and gave him an honest smile. “It really does. Ma serannas.” I hesitated, wanting to linger, but I still had work to do. “I have to get back to work, but the pool with the curtains around it is heated.” 

His gaze trailed over me and he smirked. “I will keep that in mind.” 

Well okay then. I gave him my own smirk and stepped close, standing on tiptoe so that I could brush a teasing kiss onto his jaw. “You do that.” 

He made a sudden movement, as if to catch hold of me, but I slipped past him and to the door. Wolves did so love to chase.

“I’ll see you later, Solas.” 

He chuckled, a heated promising sort of chuckle. “Until later, Lady Wolf.”

Hello stomach flutters and company. I closed the door between us with a smirk, knowing full well that my note was fixed to the other side.

Saam raised her eyebrows at me when I practically floated over and gave her the seeds, labelled in Solas’ neat, cramped writing, but she said nothing, though the way she pressed her lips together with a glance at the room I had taken Solas to was very, very amused. 

I may have been a little too obvious in my… happiness, because I slipped through the wall, walked three steps, and then had my attention drawn by Dorian’s voice from the railing above. “Well. Has our resident hobo finally gone further than terribly restrained glances?”

I smiled up at him dreamily. “He gave me herb seeds!”

Dorian sighed dramatically. “Oh! Herb seeds how…” His voice flattened. “Practical. We shall have to start planning the wedding because… herb seeds.” 

“I like practical, sparkles.” I sniffed and flounced away, as best as one can flounce in practical boots and an oversized tunic.

“I see you did not deny the wedding, Little Gem!” He called after me. 

Josephine’s eyes widened in delight over her clipboard, because of course she had been looking for me. She stared at me, I stared at her, she opened her mouth, I quickly cut her off. “Did you need something, Ambassador?” 

She let out a delicate sigh. “Yes, Lady Wolf. I needed to go over the inventories with you so I know what I can use for diplomatic reasons.”

“Isn’t that Mina’s job?” I asked. Mina oversaw the menus, larders, and cellars.

“She, um, was a bit confused by my desire to ‘take food from our people to bribe nobles with’ and asked that I bring the subject up with you.” 

I covered my mouth to hide a proud smile and she closed her eyes briefly in a bid for patience. I composed myself. “I see. I will go over them with you with Mina present so we can all come to a mutually agreeable arrangement.”

“I do so love those words.” Josephine smiled. “Tomorrow morning, perhaps? We have a council in the War Room you should attend as Castellan.” 

Ah… joy. They had found another excuse to weasel me in there. The council was… interesting? There was a lot more administration involved than shown in game. Letters to read, supplies to calculate, alliances to debate. I ended up spending most of it taking notes and trying to figure out the complex dance of need vs diplomacy vs probability. 

I was finally distracted from the minutiae by the sight of a marker placed over Crestwood. That had been a horrible quest for my heart in game. I touched the marker and wondered just how much worse it was in real life, with real people. Families. 

“Fen?” Adaar said softly, his hand resting on my shoulder in a heavy, comforting weight.

“So many people… drowned and forgotten.” I murmured. I was crying, I could feel the tears on my face. “Drowned and left to rot under the water. They… there were children. There had to be children, refugees, families fleeing, trying to find safety. He killed them. He killed them and they just wanted to be safe.”

“Who killed them?” Leliana said softly.

That was what made me realize what I was saying. If she had snapped it, demanded an answer sharply, I would have answered without thought, but she said it softly, and that meant she was after something. I blinked away the tears and pulled my hand away from the marker. “Sorry. I don’t... “ I scrubbed at my face with the back of my sleeve. “Sorry.” 

I tried to step back away from the War Table, but Adaar’s hand kept me in place. “It’s alright, Fen. I’ll head there next.” 

“Don’t drink the water and don’t strike the Command. She can be helped.” I said. “I… I need a moment.” 

“Take whatever time you need.” Cullen’s soft voice startled me… as did his careful hand on my other shoulder. Okay. I nodded at him gratefully and stepped back to lean against the wall. I did catch an intrigued glance from Leliana, her sharp eyes darting between me and Cullen. 

I took a few minutes to box breathe my tears away and went back to try and do my job, putting in an official request for herb seeds while I was there. I kept catching Leliana’s eyes on me and resignedly lingered after Kost ended the council so she could speak to me. 

“You seem a bit more at ease with the Commander.” She said with a friendly smile. 

“We talked a little. I’m a bit, um, nervous because I’m so small and he’s not, but I manage.” I realized the connotations of what I had just said at the same instant that her smile took on a ‘cat in the canary cage’ edge to it. Oh boy… 

“And The Iron Bull does not intimidate you so?”

She was the kind of person that would take denial as confirmation, so I just answered her question at face value. “He is very careful around me. He’s used to being the biggest person in the room.”

Lelianna smirked and I realized I needed to go warn Cullen before she gave him a heart attack. I gave her my most innocent smile. “Was there anything else, Spymaster?”

“No. That was all.”

I left the War Room at a sedate, casual pace, then took off running the second the doors were shut behind me. Sa’nehn, who had apparently been waiting for me outside Josie’s office, didn’t even blink before he fell into step behind me. I caught up with Cullen fairly quickly, and he started when I skidded to a halt in front of him. “I accidentally implied to Leliana that I’m sleeping with you and that you have a really big dick, and I’m so sorry I don’t know how to undo that. The first part, not the second part.” 

His reaction was hilarious. That was definitely going into the Fade Memories. Red face, choking on air, and really wide eyes. “What?” 

I grimaced. Impetuous decisions… in trying to avoid Leliana giving him a stroke from embarrassment, I did instead... “Just thought I should warn you before she starts teasing.” I tossed a very hurried salute and got out of there before he could form any question more coherent than ‘what’. I did hear him wheeze out another ‘what?!’ as I went to hide in the Den. I could hear Sa’nehn snickering under his breath as he gamely followed me.

I did not make it that far. Bull was leafing through a book on Solas’ desk while an elf with a black eye fidgeted nervously nearby. Bull grunted in greeting and jerked his head towards the elf. “One for you.” 

Something about this made the hair on my neck prickle. There was nothing  _ off, _ something just… felt off. I smiled at the elf. “What’s your name?”

“Tanner, ser. I heard you… take in people. Help if they help. I can help.” She said earnestly. 

“I do. May I heal that?” I pointed at her eye.

She nodded and I touched her face and focused on a minor healing spell. I kept my hand on her face and said in a soothing, ‘healer’ tone. “ Taarsidath-an halsaam.”

Her eyes widened just a fraction and she leaned away before she caught herself reacting to something she shouldn’t know. I dropped my hand and glared at Bull. “Really? Viddithari?”

He was watching me closely and just shrugged. “Had to try.”

“Yeah. Don’t do it again.” I sighed. It was his job, I understood but… I glanced at the viddithari. “I’d get out of Skyhold if I were you. I have to tell the Spymaster.” 

The elf nodded and quickly left and I crossed my arms and looked up at Bull, who was still watching me sharply. 

“So. Do you know what that means?” He asked curiously.

I stayed silent. Sa’nehn glanced between me and Bull warily.

“Are you mad?”

No… no, I wasn’t mad. “Go take Adaar drinking with the Chargers. It’ll be good for him. I have to go tell Leliana about ‘Tanner’.” I said softly and moved to hug him. He was tense, wary. 

“Yeah, alright.” He patted my shoulder. “So what gave it away?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. Just felt off.” I poked him in the ribs and slid out of reach. “Shoo, Hissrad.” 

He gave me another sharp, curious look before leaving and I waited until I was in the hidden staircase of the Den before letting out a frustrated shriek. I  _ hated _ the Qun. Sa’nehn looked terribly confused and a little unsettled, so I took a moment to compose myself and hug him before I turned to go back into main Skyhold. I had a spymaster to speak to and an Inquisitor to sway about the evils of the Qun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tamahn ir’tas garal- there is much also to come


	16. Chapter 16

Blackwall. 

I really… didn’t know what to do about him. He… was a useful fighter. A decent enough character, though the beard gave me the creeps. But he caused a  _ lot _ of trouble for the Inquisition. Put them in debt for the Warden treaties they used in his names, used up favors or strings to get him out of prison… 

But… did I want to be the one to out him? Did I want to put an organization above a person? 

No. I didn’t. 

I slipped away from Sa’nehn and I went to find him. I could probably find Blackwall in the stables. He was usually there, but there was also the bog unicorn. 

“Holy shit, when did you get here?” I whispered in awed glee. It was even more morbid than in the game, it just…  _ radiated _ energy. What was that… loyalty? It felt like loyalty. “Hello, handsome. Can I pet you? Is that even a thing?”

I reached for it to let it… I don’t know, sniff me? It was a spirit in a horse corpse, I didn’t know what to do. It did put its nose in my palm and I felt the illusion of snuffling. On a whim, I summoned a tiny bit of raw mana and then felt the sensation of it being lapped up. There was a curious brush of  _ something  _ against my mind and I cautiously pushed it away.

The bog unicorn moved back a step and bobbed its head. This was so, so surreal.

“You know, you’re the first that hasn’t screamed at the sight of it.” Blackwall said. 

It startled me, I may have shrieked. He blinked at me, and then coughed a laugh that quickly devolved into full on, stomach holding, guffaws. I waited patiently for him to finish finding me being startled by him and not the bog unicorn so hilarious. He finally pulled himself together, still gasping a little as he wiped his eyes.

“So if I’m the first, that means you screamed when you met it?” I asked curiously.

He huffed and glanced away. “It was the middle of the night…” He cleared his throat. “Anyway. What brings you here, Lady Wolf?”

“I was looking for you, actually.” I leaned against the door to the bog unicorn’s stall and felt it rest its muzzle on my shoulder.

Blackwall smiled. “Is there something I can do for you, Lady Wolf?”

I reached up and petted the bog unicorn. “Honestly… I don’t know how to go about this. There was this thing, an old custom from where I was from. Before my time, honestly. But… Death masks. They would make a mask of a dead man’s face.”

He tensed slightly.

“They were generally very good likenesses. But not the same.” I considered him, wondering if I would need to throw a spell to defend myself. He was a rather large man, and I was very small. The bog unicorn nudged the side of my face with its own and I felt a brush of reassurance. 

Blackwall’s eyes had gone a bit hard, his posture tense, but he was just watching. “A strange custom.”

“Have you told Adaar about the warden treaties yet?” I asked bluntly. He startled, then shook his head. I nodded. “Good. Keep it that way. It will bring more trouble than good if the Inquisition uses them in the name of a death mask.” 

He took a half step towards me, his face pale, but stopped abruptly. “How-?”

I just kept petting the bog unicorn. Loyalty. I liked it. Blackwall’s eyes darted from me, to the door, then back to me. 

“Who all…?”

“Knows?” I shrugged. “Me, you, Loyalty here.” I patted the Bog Unicorn in illustration. “Probably Leliana. I operate on the assumption that she knows everything.” 

Blackwall was still for a moment before sharply jerking his chin. “I’ll be moving on then.”

Sad, but… understandable. He was still for a moment before stalking past me. I impulsively reached out and caught his elbow. He whirled on me and I shrank back against Loyalty’s door. Bad idea. 

“Is there something you want from me?” He said sharply.

I shook my head and spoke over my heart in my throat. I was aware that Loyalty was radiating energy, protective. Comforting. “Only to say that ‘Just following orders’ is never an excuse. Everyone is accountable for their own decisions. A bad order can be ignored, stood up to.”

He scowled at me and I shrugged again, feeling a little trapped. “It will become clearer in time. You keep doing good, Thom.” 

He startled at the name, stepping backwards and paling. His eyes narrowed at me, and then he nodded and turned and stalked away. I let out a frantic breath, feeling a little dizzy with relief and delayed panic. Why had I thought that was a good idea? Loyalty bumped me and I patted the side of its rotted face. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m too fond of people.” 

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Kost asked, his tone a little sharper than normal. 

I looked up and he had a resigned Blackwall by the shoulder. I put my face in my hand. Lovely. “You know, a reload would be a really, really nice option right now.” 

“I don’t know what that means, but, Fen, what is this?” Adaar gestured between me and Blackwall.

“How much did you hear?” I hedged. 

Adaar gave me a slow, thoughtful look. “Everything after my name.” 

I thought back and winced. That was pretty much everything then. “I was trying to keep the Inquisition safe without destroying a person for it.” 

Kost sighed and gave Blackwall a small shove forward before closing the door to the stables behind him and gesturing to the hay pile. “Sit. Tell me what I need to know.”

There was a beat of silence when they both looked at me, and I held my hands up. “My mouth has caused enough trouble today.”

Blackwall- Thom looked away before speaking flatly. “My real name is Thom Rainier.” He hesitated a beat, as if waiting for recognition, before continuing. “Warden Blackwall died while trying to recruit me and I took up his name.”

Adaar gave Thom a glare sharp enough to slice steel. “And between those two things?”

Kost had his own face in his hand by the time he unravelled the full story from a very reluctant Rainier. I fidgeted nervously as he thought. He finally lifted his head from his hand to look at me. “You really weren’t going to tell me?”

“I wasn’t going to tell the Inquisition. We all have morals, Kost. Mine is `I can’t hold an organization above a person’s life’.” I said quietly. “I just can’t.” 

Adaar’s shoulders slumped but he nodded. “Come on, Bla- Rainier. I need… advice.” 

“Don’t let Leliana fool you into thinking she didn’t already know.” I whispered. I felt… really bad about causing trouble for Kost and Thom. But Leliana had been extremely on the ball in the game when ‘It’ went down. 

Kost snorted and led Rainier away and I slid to the ground in front of Loyalty’s stall to breathe. This could go wrong in so many ways. So many-

“Lady Wolf?” 

Solas? He never came near the stables. He made the horses nervous. I blinked in confusion as he knelt in front of me.

“What happened?” He carefully reached out and ran his hands over my arms, eyes flicking over my face and throat. Checking me for injury.

“I spoke too loudly.” I sighed and leaned my head back. “I tried to help someone and just got them in trouble. I’m not very good at being sneaky.”

He made an amused sound in the back of his throat and moved towards me a bit, only to sit back and look at the bog unicorn in confusion. I looked up and Loyalty was giving off very strong ‘leave her alone’ vibes. 

“It’s okay, Loyalty. I’m mostly certain he isn’t going to kill me.” I reassured the spirit.

The undead horse and the ancient elf both gave me equally incredulous looks. Solas looked at me intently before exhaling sharply and obviously saying something other than what he wanted to. “Loyalty?” 

“It felt right.” I stood up slowly. “I like it. I need to learn to ride a horse.” 

“You… like it?” Solas asked curiously as he stood and folded his hands behind his back. I hooked my arm through his elbow anyway and he gave me a startled, pleased smile as he adjusted his posture so we were walking arm in arm. 

“I do. It’s… sweet.” I glanced back at it and smiled as we exited the barn.

“It is in a rotting horse.” He pointed out.

“It can’t help what shape it got stuck in and it doesn’t smell.” I countered. “Also, how did you find me? I know it wasn’t happenstance.” 

He smirked and avoided the question. He was being sneaky again. “I will speak to the Seeker about horse riding lessons for you.” 

“That would be wonderful. I really like Loyalty.” I really did. Fan girl and in person. It had made me feel… safer. “I need to learn a barrier spell.”

Solas frowned minutely as we passed through the courtyard. “Indeed. We can begin working on that right away. Forgive me for overlooking the subject.”

I had a dismissal of his apology on the tip of my tongue when a table crashed through the window above the armory. “For fucks sake! One thing after the other!” 

I may have stomped my foot before taking off running towards the sound. Table tossing was dramatic in games, but here, there was foot traffic and people and tossing tables out of windows was irresponsible. And in fact, there was a pale looking soldier staring at a broken table in front of him. I grabbed his arm and dragged him behind me as I stormed up to where Cassandra was chasing Varric. 

“ Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogera Filomena Pentaghast!” I snapped, raising my voice enough to be heard over her own shouts. I was fully prepared to duke this out. 

She  _ froze _ and looked at me in shock. 

“What do you think you are doing? Throwing tables out of windows? You almost injured somebody!” I gestured at the soldier in illustration.

“He-”

“I don’t give a flying fuck what he did, you  _ threw _ a table out a window!” 

Cassandra blushed and Varric ducked behind me. That… was not what I expected to be honest. I had come mentally prepared for a shouting match. Varric started to say something and I held a stern finger up in his face. “Hush.” 

Cassandra tucked her hands behind her back and faced the soldier. “I apologize for endangering you.”

“It is alright. May I go now?” He said quickly. At my nod he saluted and scurried away. 

“Now. I understand everything is terrible and stressful, but the last thing we need to be doing is turning on each other and throwing temper tantrums when there are red lyrium monsters and demons out there for taking our frustrations out on. You both are adults. Talk like them.” I glanced between them and they both looked chastened. I had wanted to say that since the first playthrough. “You-” I pointed at Varric. “Are going to let me meet them before they disappear.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” He said. Then frowned and mouthed the words again as if shocked he had said them. 

I ran out of words at that point. Out of words and out of emotions. Between Bull yesterday, Blackwall, Kost, and now Cassandra and Varric… I was emotionally exhausted. I sat down on the floor. “I need a nap.” 

Solas appeared and looked between Cassandra and Varric with a bland expression. He tsked lightly in disapproval at them and then picked me up princess style and started carrying me off. I could get used to this. I buried my face in his neck and inhaled slowly to ground myself. His grip on me tightened and I realized I had effectively scented him. 

“I am way too meddlesome and nosy for my own good.” I muttered into his neck. “I am terrible at leaving things alone.

“Indeed.” He sounded a little breathless and I don’t think it was from him climbing stairs while carrying me. “I thought you were learning to delegate.” 

“I did! I am… it’s a work in progress. Saam takes care of Den maintenance, I spread out my job… it’s the personal stuff that I can’t delegate. I can’t very well ask Jim to confront someone for me.” 

“Hmm. I believe I see your point. I do not think Jim would have been able to cow both Master Tethras and the Seeker as you did.” He sounded a little pleased, though whether from my outburst or from the fact that I did not give a single flying monkey’s butt that people were staring as he carried me the short distance from the main doors to the rotunda. 

“I can’t believe I remembered all of her names under pressure like that.” 

“A true feat of a superior mind.” He had started down the Den stairwell.

I lifted my head to glare at him. “Don’t start that on me. I’m average, just with a different knowledge set. I was privileged to be educated and raised differently than ninety percent of Thedas and be born with more impulse than manners.” 

He was silent for a moment and I saw his jaw muscle tick before he replied. “And that is precisely why you are not average.”

“That is an indictment of the system rather than praise of me.” I pointed out. “If what I had been rais ed with was readily available for most people, I would be average. I  _ should  _ be average. Dammit, put me down. I don’t have time for a nap; I need to start a proper school.” 

He set me down as requested, but before I could stomp away with the newest urgent thing to organize, he caught my hand and pulled me back to him, putting a careful hand on the side of my face. His gaze was dark and… admiring as he traced the line of my mouth with his thumb. “This. This determination of yours. This drive to do all that you think you must. This passion… That is completely you, Lady Wolf. This is what makes you anything but average.”

There was a line lurking unsaid about dominating wills. “There are many, many passionate people. Everyone should be free enough to pursue it.” 

His eyes were still on my mouth. “I believe I can agree with you on that point at least.” 

“You can kiss me if you want.” I pointed out, slightly hopeful. 

He leaned towards me until our mouths were a breath apart. “You need to rest.” 

He pulled away, stepping back out of reach, and I gaped at him. “You…”

“I believe it is a fair return after that note you left me alone with.” He raised a smug eyebrow. 

“Which I left because you woke me up in the middle of the night!”

“Which I did because you denied me a kiss.”

“Postponed!”

“Consider this one postponed.” 

Aw fuck. I mentally admitted defeat. “Fine. I will collect it later though.”

“I would expect nothing less.” He smiled and looked up slightly. “Lady Wolf has exhausted herself. Would you see to it she is not disturbed?”

I turned my head to see a blushing Saam nodding. Sneaky, crafty, tricky old wolf. I took her hand and let her start to lead me towards the pack room, but turned my head to stick my tongue out at him. He looked baffled as Saam closed the door behind us. 

She opened her mouth, then blushed again and shut it.

“He is frustrating.” I whined and flopped face first onto the mattress. I felt a blanket settle over me.

“You have terrible taste.” Saam said quietly, just a hint of amusement. “You should have gone for someone simple. As the Commander.” 

“Oh honey, that is  _ not  _ a simple man.” I pried my face out of the mattress and looked at her in concern. “You’re not…”

She shook her head. “Oh, no. I prefer my own company.”

I tossed her a relieved thumbs up and put my face back in the mattress to rest. 

My dreamscape needed a bit of rebuilding. I had neglected it and it was a bit fuzzy around the edges, little details forgotten. Little things that needed taking care of. I wondered if I should put a stable in. I had never had a horse before, but I liked Loyalty and maybe a-

“Oh shit! Wisdom!” I needed to wake up and warn Solas!

Who was here. As Ser Wolf. He must be taking a nap in the rotunda, the frustrating egg. I could tease him about that later right now I needed to save Wisdom. I sat down and stared at Ser Wolf and tried to think. He was watching me warily.

“There is… someone I’m not supposed to know about yet. They’re a spirit of Wisdom, and they’re my… friend’s friend.”

Solas’ only visible reaction was an ear flick and a slight movement forward, but I felt a wisp of urgency and fear. 

“Wisdom is in danger. I don’t know when, but she’ll be summoned and bound and corrupted. And I don’t know how to save her.” I started chewing on my thumbnail. “I don't have a time frame so I don't know if there’s enough time to get one of those amulets that protect spirits, I don’t know exactly who or when, so I don’t know how to stop them. All I know is that it happens in the Exalted Plains.”

Ser Wolf had started pacing back and forth in agitation. 

“Can… would removing her from the part of the fade she is in help? Bring her somewhere else? I don’t know enough about spirits. Dammit, I need to ask my friend about this.” I put my face in my hands and tried to think about everything I knew. Ser Wolf shoved his muzzle under my elbows, poking me in the chest in what seemed to be a question.

I put my hands on either side of his face, my fingers sinking into the ruff of fur as I looked him directly in the eyes. “I don’t know what to do, Ser Wolf. If there is any way you know of that I can protect her, please help me.” 


	17. Chapter 17

I had woken from my nap feeling slightly better and slightly worse, and had raced up the Den stairs in the hopes of catching Solas asleep so I could tease him about napping outside of the Den. I ended up waking up Solas with my gasping for air, though I got my breath back faster than before. He had been laying on the couch with his face buried in the pillow I had made for him, and I decided to start working on swatches for a freeform afghan for him. Something soft and pretty and unique. 

He sat up and frowned at me in concern, and I pointed at him. “You know you could have joined me for a nap, right?”

He blinked in surprise, then tightened his mouth into a line. “I believe it would be best for you to be completely certain I’m not going to kill you before we sleep in the same bed, do you not think?”

“Can I be?” Because that could be a problem.

He studied me intently. “Yes.” 

Oh… That was big. That was very big. I moved and sat down beside him on the sofa. “Oh.” 

His nostrils flared slightly as he scented me and his brow furrowed in confusion. “Since the first day, you feared, yet you reached out and touched.” He murmured and lifted his hand to rest on the side of my neck, tracing the line of my jaw with his thumb. 

I knew he could feel my pulse pick up under his touch and I slowly lifted my hand towards him, then booped him on the nose. He drew back in shock, and then burst into laughter, covering his face with his hand. 

“Fen, my little gem, you are terribly confusing.” Dorian called from the library railing.

I blushed and stood up and dusted off my tunic before looking up. “I do my best, dove.” 

Solas glanced between us with a flat expression and I leaned over to kiss his temple and whisper. “Don’t worry, I’m not his type.” 

“You’re being scandalous!” Dorian said with a gasp. “Affection! In public!” 

Sa’nehn appeared through the door to the main hall and glowered at Solas and Dorian before approaching me. “Varric Tethras said that he had someone you wanted to meet.”

“Oh! Yes!” I did really, really want to meet Hawke. 

I left a bemused Solas and followed Sa’nehn out to Varric, who sighed dramatically. “Well, let’s go meet them.” 

He led us to a corner of the courtyard, and I was grateful there weren’t more stairs. Sa’nehn hung back as we went around the corner, keeping watch while I fangirled. I love that kid. I followed Varric and then… froze.

“Hawke, this is Fluffy, also known as Lady Wolf. Fluffy, this is Hawke.” Varric introduced us dryly. 

Hawke smiled brightly at me. I stared. Hawke was… gorgeous. Even with the undefined red smear across her nose. What was that? It didn’t matter because holy biceps, batman!

She raised an eyebrow at me. “Do… you speak?”

“If I was not in a complicated set of relationships right now I would ask you to break me in half like a glowstick.” I said fervently. I was less than shoulder height to her. 

Hawke’s eyes widened. “There… is a lot to process in that one sentence.”

“Can I touch your bicep? For science?” I tried to break out the puppy eyes. 

Hawke blushed but hesitantly held out her arm. “Uh… sure?”

I reverently wrapped both of my hands around her bicep. My fingers didn’t meet. She was still blushing, but she smirked and flexed and I staggered back in an only mostly feigned swoon, one hand over my heart and the back of my other hand pressed to my forehead. “Good lords, I’ve died and gone to paradise.” 

“I think I like you.” Hawke laughed. “Can I keep you?”

“Can  _ I _ keep you?” I grinned. “I can promise flattery and knitted socks.” 

“Tempting. Very tempting.” Hawke looked at me consideringly. “But alas, the life of a hero falls to me and I must go and resist your temptations in order to perform feats of heroism.” 

“You should at least give her a kiss to remember you by.” Solas’ voice startled me. I turned to see him watching me with a very amused expression, his hands folded behind his back in a picture of self contained ease. 

“Well, alright then.” Hawke said, and that was the only warning I had before she  _ dipped _ me and kissed me thoroughly. 

I was completely breathless by the time she pulled me up and let Solas catch me when I really did swoon a little bit. Good gods her tongue… Solas pulled me against him and I happil y leaned against him as I tried to think past the heated daze of ‘hot buff woman who happens to be motherfucking Hawke just stuck her tongue down my throat’. 

“Well. I really do have to go, but it was a  _ pleasure _ to meet you, Lady Wolf.” Hawke grinned at me and I let out an incoherent squeaking noise. 

“Can you go one day without charming the pants off of someone?” Varric grumbled as he tugged his friend away. I wasn’t sure if it was directed at me or Hawke.

I watched her go appreciatively and then smiled up at Solas. “Thank you.”

He arched an eyebrow in surprise, though he still looked amused. “Thank me?”

“Mmhmm. I definitely count that as a gift.” 

“Fascinating.” He said in that low voice that gave me stomach flutters. He pulled me so we were pressed flush to each other and traced my lower lip with his thumb. “I must admit that I like the sight of you like this, flushed and wanting.”

Why Solas! How bold! I darted my tongue out quickly and touched the tip of his thumb and his breath caught. “Maybe next time you can be the one to kiss me senseless.” I offered.

His eyes had darkened and he moved me with surprising speed so that my back was pressed to the wall. He bent his head towards me and I angled my face towards him invitingly, tangling my fingers into the fabric of his tunic. His leg pressed between mine in interesting, promising ways and then I heard Kost clear his throat to the left somewhere. 

I groaned and dropped my head to Solas’ chest in frustration. “Do you mind?”

“We need to talk.” Kost said quietly.

“Ugh.” I reluctantly let Solas pull away and straightened my tunic. “We will be continuing this discussion later.” I said formally.

He inclined his head and spoke just as politely. “Of course.” 

Kost made an amused sound in the back of his throat before holding out his arm to me. I took it and let him start to lead me towards the main hall and probably the War Room. “Am I in trouble?”

He hesitated, and that made my stomach flip nervously. “Not exactly?”

“I suddenly do not want to keep walking with you.” I said faintly. But I did keep walking with him, though I really, really wanted to bolt, all the way to the War Room. Leliana, Cullen, and Josephine were there. Adaar pulled out a chair for me, but I shook my head. Last thing I wanted right now was to feel even smaller. 

“Is… this about Rainier?” 

Adaar had moved to lean against the wall with his arms crossed. Leliana was doing that thing where she rubs her chin with the back of her finger. Josephine nodded. “We were a little concerned that you did not come to us with your concerns rather than confronting him directly.”

“You knew he was not who he said he was and you did not tell us.” Cullen’s voice was flat.

I winced. “Yeah?”

“You told me of the qunari spy but not Rainier.” Leliana was still doing the thinking motion. “Why?”

“You already knew about Rainier.” I pointed out.

“Yes, but you are avoiding the question.” 

Cullen startled and  _ glared _ at Leliana. “What?” Josephine only gave a resigned eyeroll. 

I fidgeted, keenly aware that Kost was staring at me and his normally soft face was very, very blank. “Rainier came to try and help and do good. A sort of misguided atonement scheme. The qunari spy… The Qun is not something to be messed with.” 

“You still gave them a headstart.” Adaar said.

“They’re still a person, even if they follow- a country and Religion are not the equivalent of a person.” I waved off that budding rant. “They’re still a person. If they had hurt one of mine… I probably would have acted differently.” 

“You’ve never formally joined the Inquisition.” Josephine fixed me with a sharp look. Oh. That was what the oversight about naming me Castellan had been. 

“And… I won’t.” I could feel my heart in my throat and my magic curling into my palms in a new found panic reaction. I started mentally counting my breathing. Kost and Cullen gave me incredulous looks and I shook my head. “I won’t, I can’t. I’m here to…” I had to take a deep breath to keep from starting to cry. “I’m here to help, because right now this has to happen to save the world, but I won’t bind myself.” 

Kost tilted his head slightly, still with that blank expression. “Why?”

“No… no kings. No queens. No lords. No masters.” I was crying but I tried to keep my chin up. “We will not be fooled again.” 

Cullen and Josephine looked appalled, but Leliana looked thoughtful. Adaar frowned consideringly. “You tried to minimize what he would do to the Inquisition, but tried to help the man… If it came down to it, you will always choose a person over the Inquisition’s reputation or finances, but you won’t…”

“I will not purposefully hurt the Inquisition as it is necessary to save lives.” I nodded shakily. “I will help, I will aid, but I will not bind myself to it.” 

“You have never once called him Herald.” Leliana said thoughtfully. 

“He’s not my herald, he’s my friend.” I hesitated. “Cullen, Leliana, Josephine, and Kost. Your titles mean nothing to me, but you do. I will keep the castle running and help with headaches and difficult nobles and will pass on information...” I inhaled and tried to keep from shaking. “But it is because you are people and I care about people.” 

“But…” Josephine looked completely puzzled.

“No. I’m satisfied.” Kost said abruptly, shoving away from the wall suddenly enough that I took a step back. He looked crestfallen but understanding. “She has saved lives. Keeps saving lives. From the very start she has tried to help. I’m satisfied. As long as the Inquisition’s purpose is to protect people and save lives, we have nothing to worry about with her.” 

Leliana nodded. “Very well, Inquisitor. Lady Wolf, you are free to continue as you were.”

I nodded and backed up, feeling blindly for the door latch with shaking hands and bolting as soon as it was open. ‘Free to continue’. ‘Free to live’. I had barely taken four frantic strides before I collided with someone, my vision blurred with tears. I yelped and the magic curling in my palms flared out in a panicked shimmer around myself as I fell backwards to the ground and hastily wiped my eyes so I could see.

Solas was standing with his hands away from his body in a calming gesture even as his face went frighteningly blank as he took in my state. He clenched his jaw and looked towards the door I had just come out of… the doorway where Kost was standing, watching us, and I recognized that look from when he immolated the mages that hurt Wisdom. I lunged for him and grabbed the hem of his tunic. “Tel! Sathan, tel. I’m okay. I’m alright, they didn't’-” I inhaled shakily. “They didn’t hurt me.” 

His gaze snapped down to me and then back at Kost. His voice was tight with restrained anger when he spoke. “Inquisitor?”

Kost sounded tired. “We had to… talk about loyalties. She was never in any danger from us.”

I let out a near hysterical gasp at that. That wasn’t true. Kost, maybe not, but if the others thought… 

“Fen, you weren’t-” Kost maybe took a step towards me, something, because Solas quickly stepped in front of me. 

“I think we are done, Inquisitor.” Solas’ voice was scathing, “Unless you were wanting to terrify her further?”

That wasn’t, Kost wasn’t  _ like _ that. I just needed to calm down and breathe, everything was fine. Everything was okay. I was okay. The Pack was okay. The Den… I needed to calm down and breathe and everything was okay. Kost said something, and then I felt Solas carefully, slowly enough that I realized what he was doing, pick me up and started walking off. 

“Den?” It was hard to make my voice come out loud enough to be heard over my shaking. In-one-two-three-four. Hold-one-two-three-four.

“Vin.” 

The short agreement was enough to let me go limp in his arms and just count and breathe through my pulse in my ears and the nausea in my stomach. Out-one-two-three-four. The noise of the main hall hit me. Hold-one-two-three-four. In-one-two-three-four. The noise of the main hall disappeared with the sound of a door closing. Hold-one-two-three-four. The feel of the wall spell washing over me. Out-one-two-three-four. Steps. Hold-one-two-three-four. More steps.

“Lady Fen?” I heard Saam’s voice lift in concern. In-one-two-three-four.

“She is unharmed.” Solas said softly, still moving. “Simply frightened.”

Hold-one-two-three-four. A door opened and shut. Out-one-two-three-four. He set me down on the mattress and I grabbed at his tunic, not wanting to be alone right now. He let out a soft exhale and then moved to sit beside me and draw me into his lap and hold me. He pressed his face to the top of my head and murmured. “What is in your head, Tarlen’Fen?”

“Secrets.” I said softly, curling into him. “So many things on a razor’s edge… too much and not enough. A tightrope, say too much and someone will kill soft little Fen. Don’t say enough and people die.”

His arms tightened on me and he spoke into my hair. “Compassion told me you needed me to help you. That you were hurting.”

I reached up between us and tangled my fingers through the leather strings of his necklace. “Kost… wouldn’t hurt me. But if he hadn’t… accepted…” I had to stop and shudder through a few breaths. “The others would have dealt with me behind his back.”

His fingers tightened before he took a deep breath and I felt him purposefully make his body relax. “Accepted what?”

“That I will not bind myself to an organization. That I will not put a banner above people.” It was a little easier to breathe. It was still… weird to feel safe like this, but I did. “I tried to help a man instead of giving him to ‘authority’. People with titles don’t like that.” 

“Blackwall.” Solas stated instead of asking. He did that a lot.

“Rainier. I don’t… I don’t even know what Kost is going to do to him. And I can’t… help.”

“Be still,” Solas’ hand covered mine and only then did I realize that I was twisting them around the leather cords of his necklace anxiously. “You are not responsible for his actions, or the actions of others. You acted as best you knew how and their reaction is for them to bear.”

He was right. I knew he was right, I already knew that it was just… I was taking it personally. I did what I could, now to help who I could. “Wisdom is in danger. Someone in the Exalted Plains is going to corrupt her some time that I don’t know. I don’t know how to help her.” 

He let out a sharp breath and I felt him press his face to the top of my head. “How do you know these things?”

“He woke distressed, heard a call for help, and the tea is bitter. They go, search, score marks in the stone, in the ground. ‘No, no, no’, he pleads. They summoned and bound her, forced her against her nature. Even when they felled the stones, it was too late. Dareth shiral.” Solas was very, very still and I had to take a breath. “They burned, or they didn’t. No one asked how he was able to without a staff.” 

He exhaled shakily but I felt his lips against my hair. “Because he is old and has learned much in his journeys.” 

“I wasn’t asking.” I murmured.

“I know.” He said it in that tone, the slightly surprised, pleased one like when I touched his hand or gave him a gift. 

“There are Riviani amulets that protect spirits but I don’t know if there is enough time.” 

He was quiet for a time, rubbing his hand absently over my arm. “May I bring her to your dream space? To speak with you?”

“Vin.”

“Ma serannas, Fenensalan.” 


	18. Chapter 18

Mina brought supper down to the Den and we all ate together, sitting on the floor of the cavern next to the garden beds. Solas stayed with me, though he looked deeply uncomfortable with the chattering children. He did eventually unwind when Jim weaseled a story about the Fade from him, and he had all of the kids and half of the adults entranced over the pull breads we were eating. I was still feeling a little shaky from the terribly long, emotional roller coaster day, but I had Solas pressed against one arm and Aelon against the other, and it helped. 

Cole poofed in and sat in the middle of the pack with his eyes half closed as he did whatever it was that he was doing. I was happy to see him, it helped to know he was alright. He smiled at me and I guessed that was the point of him being here. I sent him a mental brush of gratitude for his help. Terys brought me my knitting and I worked on the socks I was making for each of the elf kids as Solas told his story and I just… relaxed with my pack until I felt someone gently pry my knitting out of my hands and carry me to bed. 

There wasn’t much time between feeling gentle hands tuck blankets around my chin and looking up from my dreamscape dip pen to see Solas leading an ethereal elven shape into my dream scape. I ran out to meet them. “Solas! Wisdom?”

The spirit was beautiful in a solemn, comforting way. She felt like assurance and understanding and I just loved her instantly. She laughed and it was beautiful. “So you are the one who wants to save me?”

I nodded and Wisdom emanated curiosity. “You could bind me.”

“No!” Solas and I said at the same time. I stepped back from her in horror at the thought. 

Solas gave me a grateful, approving look as I shook my head frantically. “I will not bind you.” 

“Not even to save me?”

“Your freedom or your life isn’t a choice!” I shook my head again. “There has to be another way to keep you safe.” 

We all fell into thoughtful silence, though I felt like Wisdom was prodding through my thoughts rather than having their own. 

“I am.” She said with a wisp of amusement. “I rather like two of your thoughts. One… to bond, not bind. You would become a spirit healer and I would go dormant until you released me.” 

“Wisdom…” Solas sounded gutted and I shook my head.

“Ah. Freedom is very important to you.” She said with a fond tone. “I see. The other has its own merits and drawbacks. To ‘pull a Cole’.” She tilted her head the other direction. “You already have Loyalty and Compassion and Pride. Would you accept another?”

I frowned at her in confusion. I hadn’t bonded with any spirits or anything. “What do you mean, accept another?” 

“Compassion is young and malleable, but you do not try to change him. You accept him as he is, his help and his being. You accept Loyalty as it is, you do not try to change it.” Wisdom held out her hand. “Would you accept another? Accept me?”

The words to accept were on the tip of my tongue, but I bit them back and thought them through before looking at Solas. “Would you advise me? I don’t know enough. I want to help but I don’t want to hurt her with my ignorance.” 

Wisdom and Solas both looked pleased. Solas stepped towards me and took my hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb as he looked at me, his voice low and wondering. “If she was to manifest a form beyond the veil, if you accepted her as she is, you would help prevent her from becoming corrupted. She would be safe from being summoned, and it would allow me the time to procure the amulets that would protect her and the others from being bound.”

“That… is a lot of trust to put in me.” I felt shaky, but determined to do what I could. 

“And that is why I think it will be well placed.” Wisdom said, obviously plucking the thought from my mind. Did she know…?

“Yes. But every wolf has their secrets, Blessing to the Wolf.” She stepped forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead in a wash of cold insubstantial sensations. “I will attempt to pass through when you wake.”

“Is there anything I need to do? To make it easier? To keep you safe?” I asked anxiously, reaching out to touch her cool fog like arm. 

She patted my hand. “All will be well. I am old enough to have some understanding of the physical. Now, I have some things to tend to before you wake.”

She poofed away like Cole did and I was left with a Solas who was still standing in front of me and holding my hand even though Wisdom had been there a moment before. Huh. Dreams were weird like that. He huffed. “There you are again… simply accepting the nature of things beyond the comprehension of most.” 

“Will she really be okay? This isn’t… going to limit her? I don’t know if there is going back from that.” I gripped his hand fretfully. 

“It will be… different.” He said slowly. “Many will want to change her nature, to bend her to what they think she should be. Compassion faces much of the same problem, others wishing to bend him to what they think is normal and acceptable. But with your focused protection and acceptance, I believe she will be well. She will be changed, but in a manner of her own choosing.” He looked at me in concern. “You do know she may not pass through in an elvhen form.”

“That is alright.” I shrugged. That was the least of my concerns. “Animal, fantastical, or bipedal, whatever form she chooses is perfect if it is what she wants.” 

Solas gave me an intense look before he suddenly smiled. It was a soft smile, genuine. “You mean that.” He said it as a statement, fact. 

“Yes, I do.” I answered anyway. It was almost tradition at this point for him to say something obvious and I answer it as if he had asked a question. “Any more advice? Or can we work on elvhen lessons while I have a few hours?” 

Solas shook his head with a smile and drew me closer, gently pressing a kiss to my temple before bending and letting his breath brush over my ear as he spoke. “Did you know, you are laying in my arms, in my bed at this very moment?”

I felt heat rush from the tips of my ears all the way down and he stepped back with a very smug smile. “We can continue your elvhen lessons.” 

“How do you say ‘terrible tease’ in elvhen?” I grumbled. “You still owe me a kiss.”

He hummed thoughtfully. “And you owe me one as well. Perhaps we should exchange them and settle the matter?” 

“That sounds amenable.” I said primly, then grabbed him by the collar of his tunic and dragged him down for a demanding kiss. He did the hand flail thing people did when I hugged them and it was cute enough to make me smile against his mouth and then pull back. “There was mine.”

He blinked and the tips of his ears were pink even in the Fade, and then he gave me a sharp grin and pulled me flush to him and kissed me properly breathless. One of his hands was precariously low on the small of my back and the other was cupping the back of my skull, and then just as suddenly as the kiss began, he stepped back and folded his hands behind his back. “And there was mine.” 

I licked my lips appreciatively and his eyes followed the motion, and then I smiled. He wanted to tease? I knew how to tease. “Well. then I believe it is time to begin elvhen lessons, then, is it not, hahren?” 

He narrowed his eyes warily as I brushed past him to summon a table, and to alter my outfit subtly so that I was wearing one of his tunics, but unlaced so it slipped down my shoulder. I smiled innocently at him and pushed fade paper across the table. Game on, old wolf. 

I kept up the game the entire lesson and Solas tried to match me, tried to keep his composure even as I leaned forward so the fabric of his tunic dipped open, or let it slip further down my shoulder, or chewed on my lip. He tried.

I woke up feeling very smug, my head swirling with new elvhen words. I was indeed in Solas’ bed and he was still asleep, though stirring. I rolled out of his arms and then put my mouth next to his ear. “On dhea.” I whispered, then very lightly nipped at the point of his ear before springing to my feet as his eyes flew open with a gasp and he reached for me. 

I gave him a bright smile and slipped out of his room while he was still staring, open mouthed, at me. Point one for Fen. 

Mina had brought breakfast down for the pack again, and I sent Ellas up with a message for Josephine that I would be late coming up for my duties as Castellan. She would probably assume I was still crying or something… darn it, I should have put in an excuse or something. We all ate together and split ways and Solas and I stared at each other under the light of the sun spell. 

I wondered how long we might have to wait for Wisdom to attempt to slip through the veil, and if she would even appear here. She might show up in the courtyard or, gods forbid, the main hall. I must have been visibly fretting because Solas reached out and tentatively touched my hand. I gave him a smile but before I could think of something to say, to break the silence, there was a shudder in the air that made my skin tingle. A hint of ozone on the back of my tongue and an ear splitting ringing noise that made me clap my hands over my ears and clench my eyes shut in pain.

When the noise cut off there was a heavy, solemn weight to the air and I pried my eyes open and found myself faced with… a cat. A fluffy orange tabby cat blinking at me with wide green eyes. 

“Wisdom?”

The cat nodded, then opened its mouth and meowed, then looked terribly startled at the sound that came out of its own throat. Wisdom meowed again, and again in a different tone. Then flicked her tail in irritation and I felt her mind brush against mine in a sense of request. I glanced at Solas and he nodded, his jaw tight and his eyes suspiciously damp as he stared at Wisdom. This had to be… if not hard for him then at least weird. 

I turned my attention back to Wisdom’s mental nudge and accepted, and then I heard her voice in my head and wow, that was all sorts of weird.  _ I’m afraid I forgot to give myself the ability to speak. _

“Ah.” Well… that was a conundrum. Was it possible to change her form now that she was already out? 

Wisdom the cat tilted her head and her tail lashed.  _ With time, perhaps. I am… tired. _

Cole poofed into being beside me, his eyes fixed on Wisdom in wonder. “You’re like me!”

The two stared at each other, holding a silent, spirit conversation, and I politely waited for them to finish. I was still holding Solas’ hand. Wisdom finally flicked an ear and nudged me mentally again, waiting for my permission before speaking. 

_ Compassion says that it will help you if I accompany you today. Physical beings are fond of soft things when they need comfort, and my new form is soft. _

Cole gave me a slightly vacant smile. “They fret, fear, fumble. They worried and wounded and they wonder if you will bite.” He launched directly into a new thought stream without pause. “There are so many people hurting in Skyhold, but some of them have frayed strings that you could knit into family, but some of the strings aren’t frayed yet, still binding them to something painful.”

“If they need pack, send them to me.” I said firmly. 

“They might have the wrong shape.”

“There isn’t such a thing as a wrong shape.” 

“Oh. Okay.” He poofed away.

I smiled fondly. I loved that bean. I squeezed Solas’ hand and looked back at Wisdom. “Is there anything I can do for you? This has to be a little strange for you.”

She stood up and turned a circle and sneezed when her tail touched her nose and I’m ashamed to admit I made a cooing noise. Fortunately she just radiated amusement as she moved to me and then startled when she began to purr. She purred again and startled again. 

_ What is that? _

“A purr. It is something cats do when they are happy or if they want to comfort their colony mates.” I explained. 

She gave off an intrigued air and then shoved her head under Solas’ and my joined hands with a loud purr. Solas swallowed and blinked before standing with a sharp exhale. “I believe I must return to my studies of the shards we have found.”

“And I have a castle to run.” I sighed and opened my arms to Wisdom. “May I carry you?”

She thought about it and I waited for her to decide before she slipped into my arms and let me heft her up. She was rather large for a housecat, probably about twenty pounds. Like one of those Maine Coone cats. And she was So. Fucking. Fluffy. I felt her amused agreement when I thought about burying my face in her fur, so I did. 

“Oh my god you are so soft I love it.” I said into her fur, glad I wasn’t allergic to cats. Solas laughed and I lifted my face out of his friend’s fur to smile at him. “We’re going to be alright?”

He nodded and reached out to carefully cup my face before pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. “We will be alright, Fenensalan. Go tend to your people.”

I turned my head to press a kiss to the inside of his wrist and then stepped back with a smile and a low promise. “Until later.” 

I carried Wisdom up the stairs. She really was too heavy for me to carry her for long, but I liked how soft and… solid she felt in my arms. Safe. “You…” I was panting slightly. “You can speak to me at any time, by the way. I… I will answer whatever I can.” 

_ Thank you _ .

I wondered if that brush against my mind had been Loyalty asking to speak to me. I would have to visit it and ask. I made it to the Rotunda and Sa’nehn fell into step behind me. I greeted him with a head bump, then tilted my head back and looked at the stairs winding up to Leliana. I sighed. “If you want to speak to me, you will have to come down. I’m quite done with stairs!” I called up, feeling remarkably like a kid calling up to their babysitter while holding a kitten (or a feral cat…) they had found outside. 

_ An experience you are quite familiar with.  _ She seemed to have the same habit of making statements rather than questions as Solas did. Though pride and wisdom were two sides of the same coin. 

“I like to help.” I whispered into her fur. Leliana didn’t appear so I went off to find Josephine. I fielded a few runners before I made it to her, messages from Fiona, one from Vivienne that I stopped in the middle of the main hall to compose a reply. Why did she want to know what my favorite cake flavor was? It was coffee chocolate of course. I made it to Josephine’s office before I realized that both of those were probably exotic. She either thought I was rich, or was just choosing the two most expensive flavors I could think of as a power move. Both… were acceptable. 

Josephine looked up with a polite smile that turned to a delighted one when she saw Wisdom. “Oh! You have a cat! She is beautiful! What is her name?”

_ Lan’sila. It means ‘thinking person’.  _ Wisdom supplied.  _ You may set me down. _

“Lan’sila. Solas brought her to me.” I carefully set her down onto the ground and she wound around my ankles with a loud purr before moving to jump onto Josephine’s desk and begin nosing through her papers. 

“Oh, how sweet.” Josephine said with a slightly dreamy breathlessness. Then she grew serious. “Castellan Fenensalan…”

“I’m sorry for running off like I did yesterday.” I cut her off. “I will be continuing my job as Castellan and aiding the Inquisition as I can.” 

She let out a slightly relieved breath and held her hand out for Wisdom to sniff at. “I am glad to hear it. You do a marvellous job. I was going to apologize for how things were handled yesterday. The Inquisitor and the Commander are sometimes… tactless. Kost is a sweet man but when it comes to the Inquisition he takes his responsibilities seriously.” 

‘Kost’. How interesting. “You don’t have to apologize to me on his behalf, Ambassador.”

“It is my job.” 

“I meant, you don’t have to apologize for him. I fully understood his concerns.” I paused, checked how I felt to make sure I was being honest before continuing. “I am not upset with any of you.” Scared, but not upset.

She let out a very relieved breath, then reached down and picked up a covered basket and set it on her desk, sliding it slightly towards me. “I am glad to hear it. Leli and I put together something for you as we know you prefer ‘practical’ things. Consider it part of our apology.”

I was touched. That was… very sweet. “Oh. Thank you.” I picked up the basket and pulled back the cover and found myself faced with an array of jars and boxes and the label my eye first landed on was ‘mother’s tea’. 

I blanched and pulled it out in horrified question and Josephine made a delicate noise. “It is for… preventing surprises. There are instructions written inside the box.” 

“Oh thank the gods.” I said in a rush. I hadn’t even thought that far ahead! That was the  _ last  _ thing I needed right now. “This is the most thoughtful gift and I am truly grateful.” I may have hugged the basket to my chest. I also made a mental note to find out what herbs went into that tea and acquire some seeds so the Den could produce their own birth control for the pack. 

We got down to business, Wisdom sticking her nose into each and every paper curiously and allowing both Josephine and I to pet her luxuriously soft fur as we worked. We reached a breaking point and Sa’nehn pulled me away for a quick lunch and a curious poke through the basket. He was flustered but let me give him a brief ‘talk’ about things. Mother’s tea, lube (possibly? I wasn’t sure), bath salts and scented bath oils, and a very nicely scented bottle of massage oil that claimed it heated up. The scents all matched in a lovely, relaxing blend I couldn’t quite pick apart. Lavender, rose… something slightly heady. Very unique. Very… trackable. 

Oh. I knew exactly what to do with that. I tucked that bottle into my pocket and sent the basket down to the Den with one of the kids that ran up to bump my head and chatter excitedly about learning to read before dashing off again. Work mostly in hand, I headed for the Commander’s office with Wisdom trotting contentedly at my side and making odd comments now and then about things she found interesting. Sa’nehn trailed me, content to hang back and watch out for trouble.

_ I understand your distaste for stairs _ . She said halfway up the stairs. I offered to pick her up, even though I was breathless myself, and she readily agreed. So I didn’t bother knocking on Cullen’s office door, instead staggering in, breathless and with an armful of giant fluffy cat. Sa’nehn waited outside.

Cullen shot to his feet and blinked at me in bewilderment. “Castellan?”

I set Wisdom down and held up a finger, bracing my hands on my knees as I struggled to breathe. There was an awkward minute where he just… watched me catch my breath, then he startled when Wisdom jumped onto his desk and started nosing around his papers. 

“Oh, don’t- You’ll knock something over!” He fretted, but… didn’t touch her, his hands hovering above her nervously. Wisdom looked at him and then abruptly shoved her head up into his hand. He froze, then let out a soft, ‘oh’, and ran his hand down Wisdom’s soft fur. 

“I call her Lan’Sila.” I panted. Cullen was definitely more of a dog person. His cloak was also hanging behind the desk and he looked like he was sweating slightly despite the cold mountain air coming through his office. I would bet he was having a bad day.

“She’s… beautiful.” He said stiffly, though he was still petting her even as she read one of the papers on his desk. 

“Very.” I caught my breath and straightened. “How is your headache?” 

He pulled his hand away from Wisdom and looked at me uncomfortably, guilty even. I would wager that now that I had the stamp of approval from The Authority, he felt terrible about making me cry. “Manageable. Thank you for your concern. I- I can manage.”

I peered at him. “Would you like me to help? Also,” I poked my head out the door to speak to Sa’nehn. “Would you be a dear and fetch a pitcher of drinking water?”

He nodded and headed off down the stairs and I pulled my head back in to smile brightly at Cullen. “You need to hydrate.” 

He shifted and rubbed the back of his neck. “It… slips my mind.” 

“I’m sure.” I hummed. “Sit down please, you’re giving me a crick in my neck looking up at you.” 

He flinched and sat quickly, but honestly, I was not above using height differences and uh, ‘recent events’ to get my way. I moved behind him slowly enough he could protest and poured some of the massage oil into my hands when he didn’t. 

“Lady Fen, I don’t think…” His words trailed off into a sigh when I dug my thumbs into the tense muscle at the base of his neck. 

“Going by this tension I think you didn’t listen to me.” I scolded gently. “What did I say?”

“Water, food, rest, relax.” He sighed and let his head drop forward. 

Wisdom tilted her head and flicked an ear.  _ Physical beings also forget the requirements. _

“That’s a statement, not a question.”

“What?”

Oops. “I talk to the cat.” 

“Ah.” 

The oil did heat up and Cullen let out a relieved sigh as I worked the tension out of his neck and the air filled with that… okay, really awesome scent. This stuff was probably very expensive. Sa’nehn came in and left a pitcher of water and a cup of water, and even, bless the child, a slice of toast with cheese, on Cullen’s desk before ducking back out with a blush on his ears. 

“Drink.” I said softly, focused on rubbing the massage oil into the muscles at the base of his skull.. 

He made a vague sighing sound and reached for the water glass. “Alright.” 

“You have to take care of yourself.”

“I know.” 

He was being very agreeable.

“I want to keep the bog unicorn.”

“Alright.” 

Huh. I must not use these powers for evil. I found yet another knot at the base of his neck and pressed my fingers into it, drawing a groan from Cullen that sounded uh… it sounded very dirty. I heard a slight gasp and looked up to see a scout in the doorway with their mouth open and a paper in their hand. They glanced at Cullen, glanced at me, then stepped backwards and shut the door. Oops. 

I finished working as much tension as possible out of a man with a perpetual stick of tension up his… spine, then wiped my hands off in his hair, with the direction of his style. I wasn’t cruel. His hair now smelled like the massage oil. He blinked and raised his head, blushing but relaxed.

“Eat. drink. Rest. For gods’ sake man, unclench your jaw.” I scolded softly. “You need to drink one of those pitchers a day at minimum.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He blinked sleepily and picked up the food. 

_ You have a very strong will _ . Wisdom flicked her tail at me when I looked at her in mild horror.  _ Do not fret, you are not forcing them to do anything they do not want. You simply have a very strong will _ .

She batted a paper into Cullen’s line of view and jumped off of the desk. I set the massage oil on the desk and patted Cullen’s shoulder. “Really, send for me if you want me to take care of that tension. I’m here to help.” 

He suddenly blushed crimson and looked away from me, his hand immediately going to the back of his neck. He pulled his hand away and looked at it in bafflement, and blushed again. “Are- aren’t you and… Solas…?”

I smiled at him. “Solas is teaching me elvhen.”

“I’m… glad? I mean… Are you not-” He ran his hand over his face and then pulled his hand away with a grimace. Massage oil got everywhere.

“If you are trying to proposition me, I am going to politely decline.” I tucked my hands behind my back like Solas did and Wisdom sat next to my feet with a very amused mental nudge. 

“Maker’s breath, no I wasn’t- Not that you aren’t- I was simply-” He looked halfway to a stroke, the puppy.

“Relax.” I laughed. “I understand what you are asking, and I am teasing you. I’m offering what I just gave you.” I gestured at his head. “You have an army to run, and I have the means to help ease your pain.” 

He looked torn, obviously struggling with ‘propriety’ and ‘that feels good’. I gave him an out. “I am not above having one of my pack follow you and come fetch me whenever they think you need me.”

“Maker’s breath, please don’t.” He shook his head. “I will… speak to you.”

“Good.” I gave him a pleased smile and left his office. Sa’nehn handed me a paper as I noticed a line of runners and scouts waiting. Oops. “One at a time, people.” I waved the first one in and fell back into my work right there outside Cullen’s door. Apparently half of the runners were for me. 

I grabbed one of the scouts by the sleeve. “There is a pitcher of water on the Commander’s desk. Would you spread the word that it is to be filled with clean drinking water every morning?”

They blinked but saluted sharply and hurried off. I turned my attention back to my own problems, one of which was a runner from Leliana asking to speak with me. I was  _ not _ climbing all of those stairs. I sent the runner back with the agreement to speak with her, but that I would be in the Rotunda. If she refused to come down from her Rookery I was not above shouting from the floor. 

Wisdom asked to be lifted again and I hefted her down the stairs and then back up the stairs. I leaned against the door frame to the main hall to catch my breath and frowned at her. “Do you need to eat?”

Wisdom tilted her head thoughtfully and flicked her tail.  _ Not in the sense that you mean. I am still a creature of magic. I subsist on magic and thought. You radiate will and intent and ambient magic. _

“So I’m basically feeding you by carrying you around?” I felt a brush of agreement from her and huh. Weird, but okay. Sa’nehn gave me a curious look and I gestured at Wisdom. “Talking to the cat.” 

He blinked, then shrugged. I caught my breath and headed for the Rotunda. When I stepped in, I found Solas and Kost facing each other, their postures tense and almost exactly mirrored. Weight balanced, hands behind their backs, chins out. 

“You two look like a pair of birds about to fight.” I blurted.

Kost startled and looked at me, his dark eyes suddenly very, very sad. “Fen…”

I moved forward and grabbed his waist in a hug and he didn’t hesitate to curl over me and hug me back.

“I’m sorry.” 

“Shush.” I squeezed him. “You’re supposed to be heading to Crestwood.” 

He let out a sigh. “I… needed to speak to you first but you are surprisingly hard to find. Fen, I really am sorry-”

“Kost. I’m not upset with you. You were doing your job.” I said into his shirt. That was why I couldn’t bind myself to the Inquisition. I couldn’t choose between my people and my job like that. 

He was silent for a moment. “Rumor has it you want the Bog Unicorn.”

“Its name is Loyalty and I love it.” I confirmed. 

“You can have it.”

“Bribe accepted. You are forgiven. I still love you. Go save the world.” I dug my fingers into his side and he huffed a rough laugh. Darn it, not ticklish. 

He did let me go and stepped back, then almost tripped over Wisdom, who was investigating his ankle in fascination. He blinked at her. “Where…?”

“Solas brought her to me. I call her Lan’Sila.” I paused, then added a joke only I would get. “She’s my emotional support cat.” 

Wisdom flicked her tail at me in amusement and wound around Kost’s legs with a plaintive meow. He crouched down and pet her, his face softening as she started to purr. She was going to be so, so spoiled. 

“I’m taking Dorian, Cassandra, and Varric.” He said as he rubbed Wisdom’s ears. She looked blissful. “We’re leaving in the hour.” 

“Tell them to come hug me goodbye.” I ordered. “And stay safe, there be dragons.” 

“Ma’am, yes, ma’am.” Kost saluted me teasingly, but his expression was relieved.

He left and I looked at Solas, who was watching me closely. 

“What?”

Solas shook his head and bent, picking up Wisdom delicately and depositing her on his desk before turning back and pulling me into a loose embrace. “You are more forgiving than I anticipated.”

I hugged him back, gratefully burying my face into his shoulder. “You knew that about me already.” 

He hummed and some tension left his spine. “You are right. I did.” 

“Lady Wolf.” I heard Leliana call from the Rookery. 

I lifted my head from Solas’ shirt and tipped it back to look up at where she was leaning against the railing. “I absolutely refuse to climb those stairs, Spymaster. If you want to hold a conversation at a volume lower than a shout, then you will have to come down here.” 

We had an awkward stare off, me hugging Solas and craning my head back and her leaning over the railing, before she nodded in acceptance and pushed away from the railing. I sighed and dropped my head back to Solas’ shoulder to whisper. “All of these stairs are eventually going to make my ass look amazing.” 

“It already does.” He said just as quietly, one arm slipping to my lower back teasingly before he stepped back into his polite hobo apostate persona. 

“And yours as well.” I said in a bland, polite tone. 

His posture shifted slightly, more predatory, as if he might pounce, then eased back into benign, distant politeness as Leliana emerged from the stairway. She glanced between me, Solas, and Sa’nehn. “May I speak to you alone, Lady Wolf?”

“I’d rather not at the moment.” I said honestly. 

“Ambassador Josephine said that you claim to not be upset with us.” She arched an eyebrow.

“Not upset, but also not completely relaxed.” I gave a half shrug. “Is there something you wished to speak about?” 

I saw her sniff slightly, subtly, and hid my smile. She could smell the massage oil on my hands but not on Solas. Her eyes darted to Solas and then back to me, and she smiled coyly. “I just wanted to see if we would be able to still work together despite recent unpleasantness.”

“Of course.” 

“I’m glad to hear it. Kost is very fond of you.”

“And I am very fond of him.”

“That is good. He has charged me to make sure you are safe and well when he returns.” Her eyes studied me sharply for a moment. “Lady Wolf.” She inclined her head and moved back to the stairway.

Oh… She was telling me that Kost had… had pointedly protected me. That… helped. A lot. 


	19. Chapter 19

Kost left for Crestwood and I was left feeling… very nervous about shadows despite Leliana’s vague admission she was not allowed to let anything happen to me. 

I was relieved by the time we gathered in the den for the evening meal and Wisdom wound around everyone with curious purrs and meows, tentatively tasting the bits of meat offered to her. 

I went to sleep with the pack that night, and though I invited Solas, he politely declined, retreating to his own room. He visited me in my dreams as Fen’Harel and I enjoyed practicing both my paltry elvhen and my shapeshifting with him. Also some fade tongue. Blind kissing was… interesting. Not generally my kink, but I could work with it. Especially if making out was my reward.

Cole brought a human woman to me the next morning. She was sitting on Solas’ couch and her face was gaunt with dark circles beneath her eyes. A pair of crutches were leaned against the wall and her left leg was cut off above the knee. 

Cole twisted anxiously. “She needs a pack. You said there was no wrong shape.”

“Of course there isn’t, Sweetheart. Thank you.” I gave him a hug and he curiously tried a few different arm positions until he found the hug he wanted. I turned to look at the woman and held out my hand. “I’m Fenenansal, but most just call me Fen.”

She took my hand and her hands were thin and raw, blistered from using the crutches most likely. “Maeva. Cole said that you would want to help me.” She said the words slightly bitterly.

I sat down on the couch next to her and Wisdom jumped up and curled between us in a purring, curious ball of fluff. Cole poofed to sit on the desk. “I do. But just helping you is different than bringing you into our pack. We all help each other.” 

Maeva rolled her eyes and slapped the stump of her leg, flinching slightly as if it had hurt. “Ah. I’ll just be going then.”

“There’s more to you than just an absence.” I said firmly. She paused and glanced at me from the corner of her eyes, so I continued. “You could have skills, or knowledge. You could teach, or sew, or so many things. You might have stories or songs, you could be a great listener, or someone who is good at hugs. There are many, many things that help. My pack sleeps in a pile together because we take comfort in all having each other. You don’t have to have all of your limbs to be part of the pack.” 

Maeva studied me before exhaling sharply. “Fine. I’m in.”

“I would bring you to meet the pack and if we all agree, you would be pack.” I realized a problem with that. “I need to figure out how to modify the Den however. It isn’t very accessible.” 

“I’ll ask the builders.” Cole volunteered and poofed away. 

_ Solas knows the way to change the stones. _ Wisdom said cryptically but helpfully. I would ask him about that.

“Accessible?” Maeva raised her eyebrows sceptically. 

“It’s down a flight of stairs. I really should have thought of accessibility sooner and I’m ashamed that I forgot.” I sighed. “Right now, if you want to go down into the Den, you would have to allow someone to support you.”

Maeva sighed. “I am trapped in a fucking castle in the mountains. I can’t go anywhere without help. I had to wait for…” She paused and frowned. “Someone… I forget who, to help me here.”

I looked at Sa’nehn who shrugged. “I can help you down if you’re alright with it.” 

Maeva grunted and hauled herself to her feet. “On my bad side, arm around my waist. Basically you’ll be acting like my leg.”

Between her crutch and Sa’nehn, we managed to get her down the staircase. By the time we reached the bottom she was sweating and she spoke through gritted teeth. “Yeah, that sucks.” 

“I’ll do my best to fix it.” I reassured her as Saam approached shyly. 

I introduced them and Maeva said she was willing to wait down in the Den until the Pack gathered for the evening meal. I had to get back to work and also track down Solas and speak to him about ‘changing the stones’. And run an errand. I tucked the scented lube into my pocket and climbed all the way back up to the castle. 

He wasn’t in the rotunda, of course, but that was alright. I fielded a few runners through the main hall, let Sa’nehn carry Wisdom down the stairs to the courtyard, and sauntered into the tavern like I owned the place. Which I did sort of. Krem was standing on his chair. I stopped and stared. He grinned at me and took a drink and I instinctively patted my pockets. I wasn’t sure why I did, but it felt instinctive. He laughed suddenly, choking on his drink and saluted me. 

“You have a sharp head, Tama Fen.” 

I glanced to my side and found Skinner looking at me with a sharp grin. Ah. Distract and pickpocket. “For that, one of you is going to teach me to ride a horse.” 

“I thought you rode Bulls.” Krem said with a smirk as he sat on the back of the chair. 

“Speaking of, I need to speak to him.” I paused and smiled brightly. “Privately.” 

Sa’nehn let out a long suffering sigh and let Wisdom down before he moved to lean against the wall next to Skinner, apparently settling in for a long wait. Krem rolled his eyes and gestured back to the far wall of the tavern. I knew that was where Bull sat in game, and was a little relieved it was where he was now. Although, it did give him a good vantage point of the entire place, so it made sense. 

I walked straight up to him and put a hand on his chest and leaned in to whisper in his ear. “Can we talk privately for say ten or fifteen minutes?”

He put on a wide, leering grin even as he eyed me sharply. “Everyone knows I generally take twenty even for a romp.”

“Okay.” 

He stood up and patted my butt before walking towards the room he stayed in and I followed and tried not to blush too hard. The moment the door was closed behind us he turned and folded his arms and stared at me. “So…”

“Someone is being nosy about my private life.” I shrugged and pulled the bottle of scented lube out of my pocket and held it out to him. “I’m making it difficult for them.” 

He raised his eyebrows and took the bottle, unstopping it with his teeth, which damn, that was hot. He sniffed it and then burst out laughing. “Oh, you really are a sharp one, Fen.”

I grinned and threw myself back against the door with an audible thud and inhaled sharply. He gave me an approving glance and dragged his feet and sat on the bed so it creaked. “The Commander smelled like this yesterday.” He said quietly.

I nodded and sat beside him, bouncing so the bed creaked in rhythm. “Yes, and I know you can never have too much lube, so if you wouldn’t mind using it liberally, especially on people I come in contact with a lot and maybe a few I’ve never seen in my life, I would appreciate it.” 

“Solas alright with this?” He asked.

I shrugged. “He knows I have another suitor and he has a bone to pick with them as well.” 

“Huh.” He took my hand and poured some of the lube into it. I grimaced and reached up to rub it onto his horns. He froze, his face completely unreadable as I rubbed the scented liquid into both my palms and his horns. When I pulled back he let out a sharp breath. “You’re something else.” 

He suddenly pinched my thigh and I yelped and swatted his hand. “Fuck!” I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed, low and sexy, and we entertained ourselves by putting on an auditory show for those outside the door. I had to bite my hand to keep from giggling as he carefully rearranged my hair to look like it had been mussed and then combed back into place. 

He gave me an amused pat on the butt and then opened the door for me while I was still red faced from trying not to laugh. “Pleasure talking with you, Tama Fen.”

“And with you, The Iron Bull.” I laughed and gave him a jaunty wave before walking back to Krem and putting my hands on my hips. Krem sighed and put aside his drink and stepped down onto the ground. 

“Alright, Tama Fen. Let’s go pick out a horse.”

“I already did. Its name is Loyalty.” I did not happen to mention that Loyalty was the Bog Unicorn, because I didn’t… remember to mention until I stopped in front of Loyalty’s stall and all of the blood drained out of Krem’s face.

“Are… don’t you want to ride that one?” He pointed at a Dalish Pony desperately.

“Nope.” I reached up and petted Loyalty’s nose and let it have a wisp of mana. I felt it nudge against my mind again and accepted. 

_ Well met, Blessing. _

“Can I learn to ride you?” I asked politely. 

_ Of course. I grow restless contained in here. _

“Tama Fen… I don’t think it’s a great idea.” Krem said warily.

“Nonsense. Loyalty is very polite. Now. I’m assuming there is a saddle or something I have to learn to put on?” I opened Loyalty's stall door and Krem  _ yelped _ and scrambled back. I raised my eyebrows at him as Loyalty nosed at my shoulder. “Are you alright?” 

Krem glanced between me and Loyalty before letting out a sharp breath. “You are terrifying, Tama Fen. Yes, it needs a saddle.”

It took a minute or two to get it ‘tacked’, and then Krem had to lead it to the mounting block to teach me how to mount it as I am tiny and Loyalty was not. It didn’t help that Krem was uncertain about touching Loyalty even though I promised it said it wouldn’t bite. But finally I was in the saddle, clutching the thing that stuck up in the front in thrilled terror.

“This is amazing and I think I’m going to cry.” I informed Krem. “From happiness.” I added at his slightly panicked expression. 

Loyalty was the perfect horse to learn to ride on as I could talk to it and it would talk back, so there were no surprises. I could just focus on Krem’s instructions on how to sit, how to hold the reins, and even how to move my hips. Loyalty actually started a counting in my head that helped me figure out the rhythm needed to not jar my tailbone against the saddle when he moved. Krem said I was a natural, I said my legs hurt. 

I thanked Loyalty and Krem and hobbled off to continue my day. Wisdom flicked her tail as she trotted beside me.  _ You feel pleased with the pain. _

“It means I’m getting stronger.” I glanced at her. “Just the muscle pain. Pain doesn’t make you stronger, but sore muscles do.” 

_ The distinction matters. _

“Because people try to use that saying to justify hurting people or hurting themselves.” I stopped at the foot of the stairs leading up to Skyhold proper and sighed. This was going to suck. 

_ You could climb up on all fours _ . Wisdom suggested, demonstrating.

I considered it, using my arms and legs to dash up the stairs like a… a wolf. My mental image of myself scrabbling up the stairs shifted to me running up as a wolf and I shook my head. “I might shift if I do that.” 

Sa’nehn made an irritated and curious sound. “Does she talk back?”

“Yes.” I put my foot on the first step.

“Oh.” He picked her up and held her up in front of his face, peering into her eyes as we climbed the stairs. He startled and almost dropped her, but caught her before she hit the stone stairs. She gave him a grateful meow as he set her down gently. “Oh!” 

His eyes bounced between me and Wisdom and then he shook his head. “Life in the Pack is just so weird.” 

We fell silent, huffing a little with effort as we finally reached the stairs, and then Sa’nehn spoke again, quietly. “Thank you.” 

I grabbed him by the back of the head and pressed our foreheads together. “Thank you. Pack isn't a pack without everyone.” 

He blinked rapidly and gave me a nudge with his head before pulling away and I stopped right there on the top of the stairs to deal with another runner. I stepped into the main hall, and dealt with a little tiff between the Fereldon Head Cook and Mina. I was quite happy to demote the woman to regular cook and let the stern but  _ nice _ woman Mina hired take her place as Head Cook. Last thing we needed was someone yelling at all of the staff. Sorry Cole, no cat mint needed this time. 

I took another two steps and had to stop and pen a quick reply to Josephine reminding her that I delegated the gardens to Harrill for a reason and she should direct her queries there. I finally reached the Rotunda and dashed in, closing the door behind Sa’nehn and Wisdom and leaning against it with a loud, dramatic exhale. My legs hurt. Solas was sitting at his desk, bent over a shard and a pile of papers, probably doing something delicate or mind numbing. He gave me a glance and went back to his work. I moved towards him and slid a hand over his shoulder.

His eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into me slightly before his nose flared and he looked at my hand with a curious expression. I smiled and leaned down to press my lips to his ear. “Laying a false trail.” 

He shivered slightly and I caught the edge of a smirk. “Cunning.” He said in a low, approving tone.

I kept my lips against his ear even as I smiled. “Trickster.”

I felt just the edge of tension run through him and then he smiled and turned his head towards me, his lips parted for a kiss. I let my mouth ghost over his cheek before stepping back. His eyes darkened and narrowed at the bait and flee and I grinned with all of my teeth. “I need your help, hahren.” 

“And you shall have it, Tarlen’Fen.” He said evenly as he stood with the predatory grace he tried so hard to hide. He drew to his full height and tucked his hands behind his back as he took one step towards me, somehow imbuing the simple motion with intent. “What shall I do for you?” 

I tucked my own hands behind my back and tilted my chin up and slightly angled so my throat was bared quite purposefully. I wasn’t sure if that was an actual thing or just too much fanfiction read, but he seemed to gather the meaning if the way his breath hitched just slightly and his gaze dropped from my eyes to my throat. 

“I need help changing the stones of the Den so that those who cannot climb stairs can come and go without help.” 

If I had thought he would be disappointed by the rather practical nature of the help I was asking for, I would have been surprised. He blinked, startled, and his posture tensed as if he was keeping himself forcefully still. “You… wish me to alter your Den?” 

“Our.” I corrected. He was pack-ish. And Skyhold really was his. “Our Den.”

His hands moved out from behind his back in an aborted reaching movement as he inhaled sharply. He caught himself just as quickly and fell back into his benign posture, though he swallowed thickly. “Ma nuvenin.”

“Ma serannas.” I gave him my best smile, elated at the possibility of accessibility and also maybe wondering if I had just wolf married him… hmm. 

“You two are so, so weird.” Sa’nehn grumbled.


	20. Chapter 20

Maeva was readily accepted into the pack, though she seemed a little suspicious about the whole deal. I think she thought we were just pitying her, but Saam practically gushed about her knowledge on plants and potions, and for a woman who barely strung three sentences together in front of everyone, that was saying something. 

I will admit, I had started just… basking in my pack. I liked sitting in the middle and just listening to them talk and interact, Rasa on my lap as my people moved around, sharing food and touches. Most of them instinctively ruffled my hair as they passed me, which was… odd but felt right. Solas always watched the gesture with a perplexed and pleased expression, which I did not understand at all. 

_ I don’t know anything, I never did know anything, but now I know that I don’t know anything. _ Wisdom said. She really did have a bad habit of asking questions as a statement.

“To assume you know everything is to prevent yourself from learning anything.” I answered anyway. 

She blinked, slow and cat-like at me.  _ How wise. Allow me to teach you some elvhen. _

I laughed and leaned against Aelon, who was staring at Wisdom with her head tilted curiously, and then I was in the fade, prowling the wispy, unformed raw fade. No expectations, no assumptions, just the fade as it was, a reflection of the physical as it was, is, and would never be. I shifted into my wolf form. It was easier and easier in the fade and I felt like maybe I should start trying in the physical as well. There wasn’t actually air to breathe but emotion and intent and aura became scent, so I sniffed, and there was Solas, lurking on the edges.

I trotted towards him, reveling in the feel of how smoothly I could control the wolf shape now. He tensed when I drew near, tilting his head and watching me. I sat and regarded him just as closely. He shifted, a subtle movement that somehow conveyed the question, ‘well?’. I opened my jaws and moved to my feet, prowling towards him. The corner of his mouth quirked upwards in amusement and I snapped at him playfully.

And then the chase was on. Solas was a master of the fade, and it showed. He summoned stairs and mountains and rivers, forming the scenery so they blended seamlessly even as he leaped from a rock to wind between thick trees, trying to take advantage of my last shreds of awkwardness with four legs. He was a master of the fade, and he ran and I chased, and every time I drew close enough to snap at his heels, I felt a thrill run through me. 

And that thrill only got better when I realized, as I snapped and he skidded a little on his structured streambed, that he wasn’t  _ letting _ me get this close, I was actually running him down. The realization brought a snarl to my throat and the sound made him slip again and I pounced, leaping on him and knocking him over. We tumbled to the ground and rolled in a tangle of limbs and teeth, and then I was on top of him, my teeth at his throat. He was panting, a smile lurking on his lips as he looked at me through his lashes. A thought and then I was in my elf form, straddling his waist and pinning his arms to his sides with my thighs. 

“I have caught you.” I said triumphantly, feeling flushed and very, very pleased with myself.

I felt his muscles tighten beneath me, a slow, purposeful bracing and I could almost taste his thought of trying to roll us over. I tightened my grip with my legs and grinned with my teeth, almost a snarl, and I let out a ghost of a growl. 

His breath caught and he let his head drop back to the ground. “So you have. What shall you do with me?”

It was an invitation and tempting. So, so very tempting. I was very determined our first time not happen in the fade however. Wisdom had taught me a very, very useful phrase and I leaned forward and licked a line along the edge of his ear, pulling a punched out sound from him. “Sa dhea'him, ar ju pala’ma ga’era'vun sule ma elana tel’vira rajast.” I whispered and he let out a gasp, his muscles tensing again and he groaned. He was radiating desire and lust and I was feeling very, very pleased with myself.

“And…” He swallowed and inhaled. “And now?”

“Now?” I grinned and put every drop of intent I could gather into my next word. “Thena.”  _ Wake _ .

I caught a wisp of shock and then he poofed out from under me, which was weird, but okay. Only a moment later I felt myself being tugged into wakefulness and  _ oh _ I didn’t know which bed I had fallen asleep in. 

I woke up to Solas over me, his knee between my legs as he panted against my throat, his hands flexing in the fabric of my tunic, but not yanking or demanding. “Sathan, Tarlen’Fen. Sathan.”

“Vin.” No sooner was the consent out of my mouth than he was laving an open mouthed kiss to my throat and one of his hands snaked up under my tunic to grasp my breast. I moaned and hooked my leg over his thighs, pulling him to me so our hips were pressed together. He was obviously hard and he thrust once against me, grinding us together and drawing gasps from us both. He murmured elvhen feverishly into the skin of my throat and I may have whined a little bit, tugging on the wolf’s jawbone hanging from his neck. “I don’t know what you said, Solas.”

He froze.

“Wait.” His voice was strained, his body suddenly going rigid with tension. “Wait, I cannot…”

Disappointing, but not completely unexpected. I reached up and ran my hand over the back of his head and neck in a soothing petting motion and unslung my leg from over him. “Okay. It’s okay.”

He rolled off of me and lay in a tense line beside me, his breathing harsh and strictly even in the dark of his room. I waited and counted my own breathing to cool myself down. After several minutes he spoke, his voice cautious. “Forgive me, I…”

“Hey,” I rolled to my side and propped up on my elbow to look at him. “It’s alright. There is nothing to apologize for.”

He studied me, both of us barely visible in the dark of the room with only the light from the sun spell filtering through the crack under the door. “I have left you wanting.” 

“That-” I frowned, redirected. “I’m not going to ask you to go a step further than you are comfortable with. That’s not how whatever this is works.” I gestured between us vaguely.

He moved to lean on his own elbow, watching me intently. “You… do not fault me.”

There he went with the questions without the proper punctuation. “Consent is only consent if it can be withdrawn at any time for any reason without fear of reprisal.” He tilted his head slightly in a nonverbal question and I sat up a little further, drawn into my speech. “If you don’t feel comfortable saying no to me, for any reason, and if I don’t feel comfortable saying no to you, for any reason, then we shouldn’t be doing anything because we can’t properly consent.”

He stilled, his eyes narrowing in consideration. “Do you? Feel comfortable saying no to me?”

“I’m a lot less scared of you than I was.” I said honestly. “I still feel… nervous about some things, but not about this. I firmly believe if I said no, for any reason, you would stop.” 

He relaxed with a quiet, shuddering exhale, his eyes slipping closed in relief. “I am glad to hear that.”

I laid back down on his mattress with a yawn. Now that the arousal was gone, my body was reminding me that yesterday had been very busy and I was still tired. “Are you getting up or staying?”

He hesitated before answering slowly. “I would stay, if you allow it.” 

“Yes.” I smiled at him and lifted an arm in offer. “Cuddles are welcome if you feel like it.” 

He exhaled sharply and shook his head slightly but moved so his back was pressed to my chest. I tucked my face between his shoulder blades and enjoyed being the little big spoon. Like a jetpack. I was almost asleep again when I heard him softly whisper. 

“I said you make me feel like a youth again.” 

Huh. Interesting. 

We were woken far, far too soon by a banging on the door that sounded suspiciously like Terys’ foot. And just as suspected, I heard him yell a moment later. “Saam wants to know if you need that tea.”

I sighed and tried to figure out a way to decline without laying groundwork for the entire pack to know about my sex life at any moment. “Tell her that if I ever need the tea I will be making it myself for confidentiality reasons.”

There was a pause and a laugh and Solas grumbled in elvhen under his breath as I sat up and subtly checked to make sure I hadn’t been drooling on him. He sighed and threw an arm over his eyes. “You use too many syllables after waking.”

“Says the man switching between languages before he’s even fully awake.” I went into child’s pose and stretched, my spine popping with the movement and Solas gave me a disturbed look so I popped my toes as well. I snickered slightly at the disgusted expression he gave me, and then squeaked and fell backwards when Wisdom appeared in front of me.

_ ‘Bitches be having synovial fluid’. What is synovial fluid? _

“It’s the fluid between your joints that helps cushion the bones from grinding against each other.” I answered automatically. 

Solas and Wisdom both gave me fascinated looks and then Solas was standing and moving towards the door. “I will attempt to convince the stones to move before I leave the Den.”

“On dhea to you too!” I called after him. Then realized he was about to do cool magic and I wanted to watch, and scrambled after him. Lahnehn shoved a mug of tea into my hands and I head bumped her gratefully before following Solas. He walked around the pillar with the stairs and I followed, watching closely as he ran his hands over the mosaic, traced some line I couldn’t see in the air and then began pacing away, his hand making subtle fluttering motions in the air as if he was following some invisible string. 

_ Try to see with your mana. Open yourself. _ Wisdom suggested, winding around my ankles. 

It took me several attempts, with a little guidance and mental nudges from Wisdom, but finally I managed to… open my eyes while they were still open. It was dizzying, a sense of layers within layers, an extra dimension to things that was hard to comprehend. I felt my head start to hurt so I stopped trying to make sense of it and just looked. 

The stone of the cavern shimmered with a sort of ancient presence, close to sentient but too old for thoughts in the way that caves sing and remember the history of the idea of history. Lahnehn, Saam, and Rasa glowed like little suns beneath a tapestry of gold that was young and bright and created. Solas… Solas was lightning and shadow and gave off the sensation that he was so much bigger than he was letting me see. He was following an insubstantial thread of something that felt younger. I didn’t have the words for it. 

We followed the thread until he walked into a room and pressed his hands flat against the far wall. The stones felt grumpy. It felt silly to think, but they were old and slow and they didn’t want to move, even as Solas pressed the shadow part of him to the stone insistently. It felt persistent, but persuasive, like he was convincing it to move rather than making it move. A request almost. Slowly… slowly something in the stone shifted, took notice, and I felt a tremendous pressure against my ears and eyes and my throat felt quivery.

Wisdom had me close off the extra sensation after a minute and I sat down to drink the tea, feeling a little shaky and stretched out. She said it takes practice to use the power for longer than a minute. Solas still had his hands pressed to the wall, his eyes actually rolled back in his head eerily as he worked a magic way above my paygrade. 

_ I think you would be surprised _ . Wisdom said cryptically. 

“A lot of things surprise me.” I said quietly. It felt… kind of intrusive to just stand here and watch Solas, so I scooped her up and went out to eat breakfast with the pack. Whatever Solas was doing was a very old, very powerful magic and I felt… a little awed that he was putting out the effort and risk of exposure for… my sake. For Maeva, a human. 

The pack split ways and Solas was still in the room, so I picked up my knitting to wait. It was several hours, almost lunch time, before Solas staggered from the room, looking utterly drained. He was a little pale and sweat beaded his forehead, but he gave me a satisfied smile. “It is done, Tarlen’Fen.” 

Wisdom meowed and wound around his ankles and he gave her a tight smile. “It has been a long time since I have tried that, my friend.” 

Oh. Probably the last time was before the Veil. I set aside my knitting and approached him in concern. “Do you need anything? You look a bit drained.”

“If you would pass along my apologies to the Spymaster, I believe I will not be researching today.” He said, then tucked his hands behind his back and inclined his head towards the room. “If you would like to inspect it and see if it is to your liking and suitable for your needs?”

I nodded eagerly, but turned to Maeva, who was perched on the edge of one of the garden beds. “Do you feel like testing it out?” 

She shrugged and picked up her crutches. “Yeah, sure.”

I found myself feeling pretty nervous and excited as I opened the door to the room Solas had been in. I felt my jaw drop open when I saw that the far wall was completely gone. In its place was a gently sloping walkway wide enough for three people to walk shoulder to shoulder. Maeva gaped as well before narrowing her eyes and starting to propel herself up it. I followed, trailing one hand around the outer wall and the other tucked into Solas’ elbow. The stone felt warm beneath my touch and I sent it a prod of grateful mana for moving. I wasn’t sure if… that was a thing, but better to say thank you than not.

It needed a railing, but that could be added later. The walkway spiralled up, still at the gentle sloping angle, and every other spiral, there was a hollowed out section in the inner wall you could stop and rest on even ground. I would get the kids to gather some seats to put in each one. 

It was a long walk, but Maeva managed it much, much easier than the stairs, and most importantly, by herself. We eventually came to the surface, and I felt myself pass through an illusion spell like the wall and found myself in the garden, standing over the boarded off well in the center. That… was perfect. I pulled on my mana and keyed the spell into the amulets and then laid a quick notice me not ward.

I felt a little smug at having the other secret entrance to the Den right smack in the middle of the tiny area the Chantry was trying to carve out as their own. “I am the wolf within your flock.” 

Solas shot me a sharp glance, then covered his mouth with his free hand to hide a laugh. Maeva was standing in the garden, blinking and utterly still. She suddenly let out a sob, leaning heavily on her crutches. “You… you did this? For me?” 

“Not me, Solas.” I said gently, unsure if she would welcome touch just yet. I wanted to hug her.

“For you, and for the others with similar needs that I’m sure will be joining you.” Solas said, his voice even but he looked a little like he might want to bolt. “It is something that was overlooked and should be remedied, that is all. Lady Wolf was the one who saw the oversight and sought the means to correct it.” 

I could sense someone trying to uncomfortably worm out of someone’s gratitude. I stepped forward and held up my hand in offer, and Maeva nodded, her eyes wet, and I pressed our foreheads together. “We’re pack, Maeva. We all help each other.” 

She clenched her jaw and nodded sharply. “Lady Wolf, I swear I-”

“Nope!” I backed up and held my hands up. “I am not accepting oaths or anything like that.” 

She gave me a startled look. “But you…”

“You’re already pack. We already accepted you and you already accepted us and-” I noticed Solas trying to slip away the way we came and I pointed at him. “Ma serannas, Solas.” 

He shot me an annoyed but amused look and inclined his head before stepping into the mouth of the ramp and heading down. I turned back to Maeva and she looked confused but thoughtful. She finally nodded, as if coming to an internal decision. “Very well, Lady Wolf. But you can’t escape people following you.”

“I’m aware.” I said dryly. 

She laughed, then tilted her head back and looked up at the sky. “I… Thank you.”

“Of course.” I saw a flurry of runners burst into the garden and groaned. “Drats. Spotted.” 

Maeva snorted. “I’ll just… wander for a bit. I think I can steal some seeds from the Chantry sisters for Saam while I’m up here.” She hesitated and winced. “I mean… I won’t actually-”

“You’re fine, Maeva. I don’t mind stealing bread from the mouths of decadence.” I said firmly. 

She made a thoughtful noise and then grinned sharply. “I think I can get on board with whatever doctrine you’re teaching, Lady Wolf.” 

I rolled my eyes and got to work running my castle. Sa’nehn and Wisdom caught up with me with Anise in tow as I was speaking with Fiona about the idea of a mage operated team to collect manifesting mages instead of leaving them for rogue templars and fearful mobs. It was just a rough idea, but her eyes lit up at the thought and she said she would put thought into it. 

I followed the paper trail of runners, stopped by Cullen’s office to scent him up- I mean get rid of his headache, and then ended up throwing my paper’s in Skinner’s face when she appeared out of nowhere while I was walking down to the courtyard. She raised an eyebrow at me. “Daggers. Then horse.” 

“Uh, alright.” I blinked and helped Anise gather up my papers before obediently following Skinner for some training and ass kicking. When I was properly sore and exhausted, then she made me tack Loyalty up by myself as she refused to touch it. 

_ I am used to the reaction. _ Loyalty reassured me.

That made my heart hurt and I stopped fiddling with the bridle to put my hand on the side of its head. “No one should have to be used to that. I’m sorry you’ve been lonely.”

Skinner narrowed her eyes at me. “Are you… really comforting the undead horse?”

“Yes. Yes I am.” I said defiantly and moved to the mounting block. Loyalty obligingly walked over and stood by it, patiently shifting its weight to help me as I scrambled into the saddle.

Skinner had her face in her hand by the time I managed to seat myself with a wince of sore muscles. She sighed. “Are you sure, absolutely sure, we can’t convince you to ride a horse that is, you know, actually your size?” 

“I love him.” 

Loyalty’s head bobbed suddenly and he turned to look at me in undead surprise.  _ You do. _

“And all of you are terrible at questions.” I said with a pat to its undead neck. 

Skinner sighed. “Fine. Go on and show me what terrible habits Krem taught you.”

Loyalty and I worked together under Skinner’s critical eye until I felt like crying from the soreness in my thighs and back. I was a little glad that Solas and I hadn’t finished what we started because that might have been one too many sore muscles. Loyalty was an absolute dear and laid down so I could just kinda slide off of him and lay in the dust for a moment. Skinner hauled me to my feet with an approving smirk. 

I thanked her for the lessons and started hobbling back to work. This. Hurt. And it hurt worse when I was distracted by a conversation with Sa’nehn and ended up screaming and throwing a punch when something materialized in front of me. It ended up being Leliana, so she just nimbly avoided my fist and I let out a pained whimper and leaned against the wall to catch my breath.

“Why are you all so quiet?” I whined.

Wisdom flicked her ear.  _ You should learn to open up your awareness a little so you can sense their spirits. _

That was an amazing idea, but Leliana was eyeing me sharply. She said a stream of words that sounded familiar and I squinted at her in confusion. “Was that qunlat? I only know a few phrases.”

“From your time in Par Vollen perhaps?” She asked lightly, stepping closer to me.

“What?” It took me way too long to realize what she was asking. I felt a trickle of panic as I realized I was trapped between her and the wall. 

“You are very vocal about your distaste for the Qun, yet are familiar with the language.” She tucked her hands behind her back and I suddenly wished Solas was here. Being accused of being a qunari spy was absolutely not what I expected to deal with today. She eyed me then smiled. “Ah, I forgot to make it a question. Are you Tal Vashoth?”

Oh. okay, maybe not a spy then. “I’m Fenenansal.” 

“A name you chose.”

“I did.” I admitted. “I have never followed the Qun, and I never will.” 

Sa’nehn suddenly stepped forward, angling his narrow shoulders between me and Leliana. “The Lady Wolf has work to do, Spymaster.” 

Leliana’s eyes slowly moved from my face to Sa’nehn before she inclined her head and stepped back. “Of course.”

She turned and walked away and I slumped against the wall in shaky relief. “Th-thank you.”

Sa’nehn looked me over and frowned. “I… don’t think I can carry you to the Den.”

In-one-two-three-four. Hold-one-two-three-four. Out-one-two-three-four. Hold-one-two-three-four.

“It’s… it’s alright. I still have work before supper.”

He  _ glared _ at me. “No, you don’t. Come on. You need to rest and maybe a restoration potion.”

He slung one of my arms over his shoulder, and on the one hand, I was a little miffed I was being spirited away, on the other, I was very proud of him. 

“I’m very proud of you.” 

His throat worked for a moment before he answered. “Ma serannas, Lady Wolf.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Sa dhea'him, ar ju pala’ma ga’era'vun sule ma elana tel’vira rajast.” One day soon, I will fuck you all night until you can no longer walk straight.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs Fen sings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9UiI7HS3Go  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=am6rArVPip8

“Fen’Harel.” I said in greeting.

He prowled up to me, huge and cold and menacing, and shoved his muzzle into my chest firmly enough to shove me backwards. I put my hand directly on his massive, cold nose, and shoved him away. He startled, blinked at me with all six eyes, and then burst into a sneezing fit. I was giggling by the time he stopped sneezing, even huge and eldritch, canines sneezing was just hilarious. His ears flattened as he drew himself up to sit proudly on his haunches.

“Bless you.” I said around my giggles.

It was a simple phrase on earth, something you said without thought to someone who had sneezed. Here… Here, Fen’Harel startled visibly and looked at me in utter shock.

“Bless… me?”

“Yes.” I leveled him a look and then changed the subject. “I think I might be ready to try shifting outside of the fade, but I wanted to ask your advice on it first.” 

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” It was easier to say in honesty each time. My sight went dark and I held still until I felt him sit beside me in an elf form. I pressed our arms together and aimed a smile in his direction. “So. Shifting? Yay? Nay?”

“You need a safe place to practice. The powers of this age do not approve of the old magics.” 

“Oh, I’m aware.” I rolled my eyes. “I was thinking of the Den. The cavern is pretty big.” 

I felt his hand hesitantly intertwine with mine and I felt my ears heat up at the simple touch. His thumb stroked over the back of my hand. “The valley is also secluded.” 

“I can’t get there yet. The pathway down is broken and still being repaired.” I leaned my head on his shoulder and wondered how my life got so weird. 

“The pathway from the castle.” 

I started to nod, then pulled away and faced his general direction. “That was said oddly significantly.”

He chuckled and I felt him lean forward so that his breath ghosted over my ear. “That was my intention, Tarlen’Fen.” 

I liked this game. I felt up his arm til I found his neck. From there I could surmise where his face was and graze a kiss over his jaw. “Intentions can be complex.” 

He shifted and then his thumb traced my lower lip. “May I?”

“Vin.” Fade tongue was always welcome. 

The next few minutes were a heady cloud of wandering hands and shared breaths. I was fully enjoying his attention on my throat when I felt one of his hands start to lift the hem of my tunic and oh boy, no. I did not want blind sex. 

“Wait.” 

He stilled and I grabbed blindly at his wrist. “I don’t want sex when I can’t see.” 

I couldn’t see him and he was very quiet. I scooted out from under him. How had I ended up there? I reached blindly for his face, pressing a hand to the side of his cheek when I found it. “Hey, I just… I don’t want to go that far when I can’t see.” 

He turned his face and pressed a kiss to the center of my palm, then pulled back. “Ma nuvenin.” 

I felt a wisp of satisfaction and relief from him and narrowed my eyes hopefully in his direction. “You’re feeling smug.” 

“I have been known to.” A tint of amusement but he still felt very relieved.

“You were wanting me to deny you.” My turn for statement questions.

“Wanting? No.” 

I folded my arms and glared in his direction. Except his voice came about three feet left of where I was facing. Troll. 

“You do not fear telling me no.”

Oh… “No, I don’t. I thought shoving you away by the nose might have answered that question though.” I pointed out. “You’re a bit toothier in that shape. I think… How many eyes do you have right now? Are you elfy but with six eyes? Is that why you hide? Because I don’t mind a bit of eldritch. I’m not going to run screaming at your true form.” 

“Eldritch?” He sounded absolutely baffled. 

“Beings beyond mortal comprehension and physical constraints. Mostly depicted with tentacles and a lot of eyes.”

“Tentacles? I do not have-” He paused and I felt a thread of suspicion. “You are mocking me.”

“I started off mocking you, but then I got curious and now I’m wondering how many eyes you have.” I said honestly. And with amusement. This was a little amusing. 

“As of now, I have two.” He said dryly. 

“What color?”

“Blue.” He said in what felt like fond exasperation.

I grinned at him at the description and he let out a short laugh. “You are tricking me into revealing myself.”

“I’m pretty sure I just have to ask you to take your pants off for that, but yes. I now know you have two blue eyes and are an elf about a head taller than me. At this rate I’ll have your full identity in the morning.” Okay, maybe a touch too much sarcasm, but he laughed. 

“Truly, Tarlen’Fen? I believe if you put your full attention to the matter you could.” He said softly. 

That… was a hell of a compliment from The Trickster himself. He exhaled sharply in a wisp of admiration and relief and something… complicated. “May I hold you, Tarlen’Fen?”

“Yes.” I held up my arm and he scooted back in beside me. “So… what happens if I do figure it out? Mostly by accident because I’m not actually going to put the mental energy into it.”

He pulled me closer and rested his chin on the top of my head. He felt thoughtful. “Then you would see me truly.” 

Not… exactly what I meant, but okay. “So you’re in Skyhold.” 

He barked out a laugh and squeezed me playfully. “Cunning.”

“Trickster.” 

He stilled slightly but kept his reply in the same playful tone. “Yes.” 

“I meant myself, but yes, you too.” Something tugged at my awareness and I leaned up to press a kiss to his jaw. “I have to wake up now.” 

He sighed and kissed my temple. “Go to the valley, Tarlen’Fen.”

“If I get there, I’m keeping it.” I said in mostly playful warning, and then I was awake before he could reply. 

Rasa’s foot was kicking my face and I was being spooned by someone- by Solas. I frowned at the oddness of being in Solas’ bed and having the toddler with us. Solas huffed sleepily into my hair. “You refused to let her go.” 

Oh. “You’re sweet.” 

“Debatable.” He grumbled, pulling me somehow closer against him. 

“You are a sweet, fluffy, cinnamon roll.”

Even outside of the fade he radiated bafflement. “What does that…? Never before have I been compared to a pastry.”

“You’d be surprised.” Also… I needed to somehow acquire some frosting tips. I had frilly cakes to make. “Also, cinnamon rolls aren’t pastries, they’re yeast rolls.” 

“There is a difference?”

Struck by baker’s indignation, I sat up and opened my mouth to launch into a rant about the differences between pastry dough and yeast dough, only to see him smirking at me from under his lashes. 

“You ass.” I laughed and bent to kiss the smirk off of his mouth. He caught the back of my head with his hand and returned the kiss with enthusiasm and a touch of desperation, until Rasa began to squirm at my side.

He sighed and let me go with an irritated glance at the toddler, who blinked at him in baby innocence. I scooped her up onto my hip. “Let’s go find mamae, yes?” 

He watched me leave his room, and I had the feeling he was a little sad. Wisdom nosed my ankle in greeting before trotting into his room in a cloud of fluff. Terys was sitting by one of the warming glyphs with a hairbrush in his hands and was pulling orange tufts of fluff out of the bristles. Wisdom was so spoiled. Lahnehn came out of the pack room and accepted Rasa from me, then sent a tiny bit of healing magic through me, easing the stiff ache in my muscles.

“You are a beautiful, amazing woman and I love you.” I thanked her fervently. 

She blushed bright crimson and ducked to press our foreheads together. “Pack.”

“Pack.” It was a short and sweet way to declare we were there for each other. I loved it. Then she swiped her fingers through my hair in a way that reminded me suspiciously of head scritches. 

Before I could mention it, Cole poofed next to me. “I found another. Heart sore, seeking, silenced. They were burned and he is alone and it hurts. Full houses and full hearts, he misses and yearns and thinks it is gone from him.” 

Right. I accepted the biscuit shoved into my hands and nodded at him. “Lead on.” 

We climbed up the spiralling stairs together into the Rotunda. There was an older elf man standing in the center of the room, staring at the painting of Haven’s fall that Solas was working on. He startled when I passed out of the notice me not ward and then did the terrible dropping to one knee thing that city elves did. “Castellan.” He had an Orlesian accent and Cole poofed away, help finished.

“Please get up. I don’t like kneeling.” I sat on the sofa and patted the seat next to me. “Cole said you were interested in joining the pack.” 

He hesitated but stood up and sat gingerly next to me, his eyes flicking to the biscuit in my hands. “Yes, ser. He… he said that it was…”

“Like a family. Yes.” I smiled at him, then broke my biscuit in half and offered one to him. “We all help each other, look out for each other. The only thing is, we aren’t only elves. There’s a vashoth woman, humans, elfbloods. There is no wrong shape for pack.”

He frowned uneasily but took the biscuit with a quick, furtive movement as if afraid I would snatch it away. “Humans don’t…”

“They’re pack.” Sa’nehn said as he passed out of the notice me not. “Humans outside the pack are just the same as always, but once they’re in, they’re pack. Once you’re pack, you’re a wolf no matter your shape.” He leaned against the wall and folded his arms, his jaw tight.

That was a… pretty mature way of thinking about it. I smiled at him and he dipped his head slightly, the tension in his jaw easing. The elf’s name was Timothy and he was from Halamshiral. That was what Cole had meant by ‘they burned’. My breath caught when he told me and I couldn’t help but reach out and hug him. “I grieve for you.” 

He was stiff for maybe two seconds before he just melted into the hug and started sobbing and I couldn’t do anything but hold him until he was ready to pull away. I could see Leliana leaning over the railing of the Rookery, watching me curiously. The moment Timothy looked like he could bear to move, Sa’nehn and I took him down to the Den to meet the others to talk and get to know them before we formally accepted him at dinner. 

I was feeling a little emotionally frazzled by the time I made it back up to the castle to begin working and so when Josephine looked up from her desk with a slightly sly smile and a comment on the Commander being a ‘sweet man’. I may have snapped a little. “He’s an ex templar who barely a few years ago would have happily imprisoned me and then branded me when I refused to obey.” 

Her eyes widened in horrified shock. “Oh… I didn’t…”

“I’m an elf mage woman, Josephine. I’m fully aware of how precarious my life is.” I gave her a brittle smile. “He’s a sweet puppy now, but I would not gamble on that.”

“But the- he…”

“Smells like scented massage oil? I help him with his headaches so he can function better as the Commander of the Inquisition and because I cannot stand to see a person in pain when I can help.” I set the papers I had been going through with her on her desk, maybe a bit forcefully. “Are there any more questions about my personal life, _ Ambassador _ ?” 

She looked hurt and I deflated, feeling slightly guilty for snapping at her. “Shit. I’m sorry. I just… am having a rough day.” 

Josephine immediately looked mollified and she gave me a sweet smile, reminding me that even though she was a shrewd diplomat, she was also very emotionally naive. “Of course. Forgive me for troubling you.” 

I gave her a customer service worthy smile and left her office at a sedate pace that turned to a run the second the door was closed behind me. I should  _ not _ have said that. It was just so hard to face all of these people I knew so well and had spent so many hours over and know that in a different set of circumstances the best I could hope for would be a distant, ‘oh how sad’, over my knife ear corpse. If that. 

I wasn’t paying attention to where I was running, I just followed my nose, avoiding the figures taller than me and turning into doors that felt welcoming. Eventually I came to a halt and leaned against the stone wall, panting and near tears from the soreness lingering in my muscles. I was dangerously close to crying and I took a minute to box breathe until my heart had settled and I felt up to looking around to see how lost I had gotten myself. 

I was in a massive spiraling stone stairway and my breaths echoed loudly in the emptiness. I glanced around, but there wasn’t anyone near, I had avoided everyone. So, when presented with excellent acoustics, no security cameras, and no one watching, I did what anyone would do. I started to sing.

“I lost my heart. My home is the ocean. The waves underneath will soon be my home. I will fall asleep. I’ll close my eyes and dream of days when I wasn’t all alone.”

The song echoed beautifully despite my average singing skills and I felt a grin tug at my face as I gave in fully to the urge to sing. “All that I know is gone! Fall deeper and deeper, the sirens are singing your songs!”

I closed my eyes and pretended I was the siren for a minute, enjoying a moment of imagination. “I’ll miss my breath. There’s no more left. I’ll miss the sound of the wind at my back. The depths have a number, they call you by name. Fall asleep…”

I trailed off and launched into another song while the echoes of the first were still ringing. “Time, it took us to where the water was. That’s what the water gave me. And time goes quicker, between the two of us. Oh, my love, don’t forsake me. Take what the water gave me! Lay me down. Let the only sound be the overflow… pockets full of stones.”

“Because they took your loved ones but returned them in exchange for you. But would you have it any other way?” I was forgetting words, but I didn’t care. It still sounded pretty and I felt better as I sang in the echoes of an empty staircase. “Because she’s a cruel mistress and a bargain must be made. But oh, my love, don’t forget me when I let the water take me.”

“So lay me down. Let the only sound be the overflow, pockets full of stones. Lay me down! Let the only sound be the overflow!” I ran out of breath and stopped singing, letting the echoes carry the sound away. Feeling brighter and lighter, I put my hand on the stone wall and followed the stairway down. 

Only to freeze when I found myself in the prison. The mountain wind whipped through the broken wall, chilling me instantly. I shivered and almost turned to go when I saw someone pressed against the bars of one of the cells. Thom, shivering and looking incredibly defeated and so much smaller without his armor. He saw me looking and cleared his throat. “The song was beautiful, my lady. Thank you.” 

On one hand, I was horribly, terribly embarrassed someone had heard me singing my guts out in a stairwell, on the other hand, “Do you have a blanket in there? When was the last time they fed you?”

Thom blinked in surprise, then shrugged resignedly. “It isn’t unbearably cold.” 

That answered both of my questions with a resounding no. “Oh, Kost and I will be having  _ words _ when he gets back.” I gritted. 

He was the only person in the prison. Impulsively, I stepped forward and put my hand on the simple lock and traced a tiny, overmanad fire glyph. The lock melted and I wrenched the door open. “Follow.” I snapped between bared teeth. 

This was absolutely not okay in any sense of the word. He meekly fell into step behind me and I put my hand on the stone wall and opened up myself to sense the stones. I prodded them with a bit of inquisitive, pleading mana, asking them to guide me back to the main hall. It took a slow moment, but the stones seemed to shrug in agreement and then I was following an insubstantial thread of guiding up the stairs and through hallways, until with a satisfied groan the stones went back to sleep. 

I marched through the main hall, uncaring of how people drew back from me, and out the front doors. My legs were burning but I just grit through it as Sa’nehn and Solas both fell into step beside me with curious, concerned glances. Thom was still trailing along obediently as I struggled up the wall stairs and burst into Cullen’s office. 

“Commander. I  _ sincerely _ hope that what I found was a case of negligence rather than purposeful.” I seethed. “I found the prison. It is open to the mountain air and the occupant had neither food, nor anything to protect him from the elements.”

Cullen had risen to his feet, towering over me so that I had to tilt my head back to look at his face. His face was hard as he looked at Thom. “Fen, what did you-?”

“It is Castellan, Commander.” I snapped. “If the Inquisition is to execute prisoners I would hope it would be with a blade to the heart rather than letting them starve and freeze.” 

“He is supposed to be awaiting judgement-”

“Then feed him for fuck’s sake!” I jammed my finger into his breastplate, furious. “You know what? No. I demand you release him into my custody until his judgement. You are obviously unable to hold him properly.” 

Cullen took a step back in shock, then glared at me. “You are not capable of containing a fully trained warrior-”

I bared my teeth and summoned fire into my palms, raising them up. “Am I not? He doesn’t have lyrium in him.  _ He _ can’t silence me.”

Cullen stumbled back as if I had struck him. We stared at each other for a tense moment before I flicked the fire away, smoothed down my tunic, and then folded my hands behind my back and gave him a customer service smile. “I, Castellan Fenenansal, formally request that the prisoner Thom Rainier be relinquished to my custody until his judgment as I deem the resources of the Inquisition unfit to hold him for any length of time.” 

Commander Rutheford swallowed and nodded, pale and a little wide eyed. “Very well. He is your responsibility until his judgement.”

“Thank you.” I inclined my head, then pointed at the still full pitcher. “Hydrate.” 

I turned on my heel and marched past Solas, Sa’nehn, and Thom and out of the office. I heard the door close and then had to lean against the wall and breathe the rage out of my blood. I may have growled a little. Solas leaned against the wall near me, in my line of view, but not touching. I let out a frustrated breath and glanced at him from the corner of my eye. “So. How badly did I just fuck up in there?”

“Not at all, in my opinion.” Solas said, watching me with an impassive expression. “I do wonder why you went to such a display for a murderer.”

“Because he is a person. And a person should never be left to starve and freeze. If he is a danger to people, then deal with him quickly.” I snapped, straightening to face him, feeling my metaphorical fangs bare. “We are nothing more than how we treat people. The true test of a person is how they treat those completely under their power. Even if he murdered people, if we left him to starve and freeze, then what does that make us? I refuse to be cruel. There is a fine line between protector and torturer.”

Solas blinked, then smiled and bowed his head. “Ar sila, hahren.”  _ I learn, respected elder. _

I narrowed my eyes at him, but he seemed perfectly sincere. My breath and anger left me in a rush and I leaned my head into his chest. His hand came up and rested on the back of my neck comfortingly. I was feeling very, very shaky. A thread of healing magic from Solas eased some of the pain in my legs and I sighed gratefully. There was a shift of movement beside us and I pointed blindly. “I swear if you kneel to me I will shave your beard off. I am having a very stressful day and I will not hesitate.”

A pause, then Thom said in a very, very bewildered voice. “Yes, my lady.” 

This… was going to suck. I allowed myself one more frustrated growl and then pulled away from Solas, squeezing his wrist gratefully, before turning to face Thom. “Well. Let us get you fed and some proper clothes and then… I hope you’re used to walking because you’ll be following me around I guess.”

Thom nodded with a perplexed air of admiration and I popped my head back into Cullen’s office. He startled and half rose from where he had been leaning over his desk and I pointed at the pitcher sternly. “Hydrate.” 

Then pulled back out and shut the door. 


	22. Chapter 22

Having Thom follow me around was… weird. Especially because he treated me with this hesitant sort of reverence that made my hackles stand up, and he wasn’t pack so Sa’nehn was suspicious and wary and spent most of the time glaring at him. I wasn’t really sure what to do with him… so I set up a room in the Den for him to sleep in and had to escort him in each time. He would hang back at the meals and basically shadowed me silently, only speaking when spoken too. I hated it. I hated it when people felt like they had to be meek and submissive. Adaar wasn’t due back for a week and my nerves were not happy with the fact. 

Aelon had suggested just locking him in the room I had set up for him, but honestly… I didn’t like the thought of caging him up like that. Especially if these were the last few weeks of his life. He should get to walk and see the sun. And anyway, he carried stuff for me and the human runners were more polite with him looming over my shoulder. 

Cullen was outright avoiding me, which… fair. I may have gone overboard. Josephine was as chipper as ever. Leliana was being suspiciously pleasant to me. Timothy had been welcomed easily into the pack and turned out to be a spinner, which made my knitter’s heart happy. I put in a request for some cotton seeds and a spinning wheel with Josephine. Saam and Maeva were still arguing about the feasibility of growing pasture underground for a sheep. 

It was a fascinating question and I wished I could just hang around and talk with them about it, but I was overhauling the rules of imprisonment with Cullen when I could catch him, and still learning my daggers and riding with Skinner, and I was running a castle that always seemed to end up more work than I had people to delegate to. 

I was talking animatedly to Wisdom about how to go about finding the secret entrance to the Valley when I full on ran into a wall in the middle of the courtyard. Or, as I discovered as I fell back, not a wall, but Amund Skywatcher himself. 

“Fuck. You are huge.” I blurted out. I had thought I was getting used to being absolutely tiny with Cullen and Bull and Thom always around and being big, but Amund was a different level of big. 

He gazed down at me with bland amusement. “The gods are fond of you, Little One. You have a very small holdbeast.” 

“I’m very small myself.” I said, unsure what else to say.

He tilted his head and looked me over. “That you are.” He looked torn for a moment before asking. “May I pick you up?”

“Only if I can sit on your shoulder and pretend to be tall for a minute.” I couldn’t help an amused snort and he wrapped two massive hands around my waist and lifted me up easily. He held me out with an amused smile and then set me on his shoulder and I laughed. “I’m on top of the world!” 

Thom looked absolutely scandalized and I was still giggling over the whole thing when Amund finally set me down with a curious ruffle of my hair. His hand hesitated near my ears. 

“I’ve not seen an elf so close before.” He said honestly.

“I’ve not seen an Avvar so close before.” I considered how I felt about his seemingly earnest curiosity. “You can touch them.”

He ran a gentle finger over the line of my ears and I realized that had been a terrible idea because that was a very sensitive part of my body and I blushed. He made a satisfied sound in his chest and stepped back. “I thank you, Lady Wolf.” 

“And I, you, Amund Skywatcher.” I grinned at him and then hefted Wisdom into my arms. “If you are around Skyhold long, feel free to seek me out for conversation or anything you need.” 

“The stones are fond of you. You brought the heart back into their belly.” 

“I’m fond of them as well. They shelter me and mine.”

He considered me for a moment before he nodded. “The gods said that the keeper of the stones in the sky should have a gift.” Before I could protest, he took a little clay jar out of his furs and put it into my hands. “Seeds. To grow the plants that make dye the color of the sky. A little gift for a little wolf.” 

“Oh…” I took the jar with excitement. “Thank you!”

Amund took his leave and I went to skip on my merry way back to work, feeling pleased with the meeting, only to find Sa’nehn and Thom both staring at me in bewilderment. 

“What?” I scritched Wisdom’s ears and she purred appreciatively. 

They both shifted and didn’t say anything so I rolled my eyes and went to go find Cullen. It took a little time and way too many steps to track him down. He was avoiding his office since I uh… flamed up on him. But eventually I managed to catch up to him as he tried to duck into the stable. 

“Commander Rutheford!” I called out loudly. 

He froze and then pulled himself up into a stiff military posture as he turned to face me. His eyes flicked to Thom behind me. “Castellan.” 

“I have a request.” I said without preamble. “When the goats fly, please let me speak to those that sent their message with meat rather than blades.” 

He frowned at me. “What… does that mean? A dream?”

I shrugged non-committedly and he exhaled sharply and looked away from me. 

“I… if it becomes clear what you mean, then I will let you know.” 

Best I could ask for, I guess. I saluted with a smile and turned to leave.

“Castellan…” He said uncertainly. He looked… distressed. “You do not have to be concerned over my Templar training. I can no longer…”

“Yes, you can.” I corrected him softly. “The ability is only amplified with the poison.”

His brow furrowed in disbelieving confusion. “But…”

“The dragon’s secret son could without a drop ringing in his blood. The poison is a chain and lie made by those in power.” 

Cullen made a pained noise in his throat. “How-? That…” 

I reached out slowly and touched his arm. “Remember to drink water and eat, Commander. It will help with the headaches.” 

His jaw tightened, and when I narrowed my eyes at him, he held up his hands and loosened his jaw with a sigh. “Water, food, relax, rest. I remember.” 

Thom was still looking at me with that bewildered expression when Cullen fled into the stable. I frowned at him. “You look like you’ve never seen someone tell a man to take care of himself.”

Thom straightened to attention and cleared his throat uncomfortably. “It is not that, my lady.”

“If it is any consolation, I think the lot of you are just as weird as you all think I am.” I grumbled as I headed back towards the main hall. Leliana had sent me a runner that I would need to handle setting up the underforge. 

“Whoever you mean by ‘us lot’, I’m sure we don’t cuddle undead horses and scold commanding officers.” He said hesitantly, like he wasn’t sure he was allowed to talk to me so informally.

“Loyalty is an absolute sweetheart and Cullen isn’t my commanding officer.” I set Wisdom down when she indicated she wanted to go investigate something.

“Who do you follow?” He asked, then winced and I could almost see him curling back up into ‘obedient prisoner’ mode. 

“Myself.” At his shocked expression I stopped and faced him fully right there on the steps to the castle. “If you are hungry, I will offer food. If you are thirsty, I will offer water. If you are cold, I will offer warmth. If you are in need, ask and I will give. If you are in trouble, ask and I will help. I do not do these things in the hopes of being rewarded. I do not do these things out of fear of punishment. I do these things because I know them to be right. I set my own standards and I alone enforce them.”

His expression was a study of awe and bafflement and shock. Sa’nehn pulled out a paper and a charcoal stick. “Could you say that again?” 

I huffed a short laugh and repeated it slower so that Sa’nehn could write it down before resuming the climb into the main hall. People kind of scrambled out of my way still and it made me feel a little nervous. “So. How scary was I?”

“Eyes glowing, teeth bared, audible growling. You know, normal Lady Wolf stuff.” Sa’nehn said dryly.

“My eyes glow?” 

“When you are angry about something you feel is wrong. It’s subtle, you don’t really notice it unless the light is dim.” 

“Huh.” That… was weird. Also brought up uncomfortable Trespasser memories. 

“Ser Solas says it is because you don’t channel your magic through a staff as most mages, so it manifests visibly as it is controlled more instinctively.” 

“Ser Solas should tell  _ me _ things like that so I can not accidentally freak out people with glowing eyes.” And then realization hit me. “Holy shit, I probably terrified Cullen half to death…” 

“I was under the impression that was the point.” Sa’nehn’s voice was so far past dry it could be the Sahara.

“You are becoming very sassy.” I glanced at him in pride. “I approve.” 

Thom was watching this whole conversation in baffled fascination and I hoped I was being a good, chaotic influence on him. We walked into the undercroft, and then I may have squealed in excitement because if I was setting up the undercroft then there was, “Dagna! Oh my gods!”

The diminutive Arcanist startled and looked at me with raised eyebrows. “Um. Hello.”

“Hi, I’m Fenenansal, But most people call me Lady Wolf. I’m the Castellan and I’m here to help you set up things to your liking.” I was grinning. I turned to Sa’nehn and whispered. “Someone get Sera over here. They’ll love each other.”

He gave me a long suffering sigh but moved back the way we came. I looked at Dagna and couldn’t help but grin again as she smiled and waved. “Hi, Castellan… uh, I’m Dagna, but you already knew that. You’re an elf. Not that there's anything wrong with that, that didn’t sound right. Sorry. It’s just not something to see often… well, at all. But hey, when do you see a dwarf arcanist? So who am I to talk, right?” 

She was wonderful, freckles and rambling and I loved her. She took a breath and smiled, her gaze fixed slightly above my eyes. “Let me start over, hey I’m Dagna, new Arcanist. Sister Nightingale said you’d be by so I made a list of things.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. “I can work with just about anything though, the really important things I brought with me so all this is flexible, and we can substitute with other things if you don’t know what they are… uh that sounded like I thought you wouldn’t know what they were, that not what I…“ she winced, “I’m going to shut up now… sorry.”

“As someone who has roundly scolded everyone important in this place because my mouth gets away from me, you have nothing to worry about on my count.” I said warmly. I glanced at the list, then raised my eyebrows because I knew next to nothing on this list. “I’m… assuming this is a materials request?” 

She nodded eagerly.

“Alright. I know… none of this so I’m going to delegate to…” I considered. “Terys. He has a surprising knowledge of materials. He would know what most of this is, or substitutions.”

“That sounds reasonable.” She rocked on her heels and her hands fluttered slightly before she folded them in front of her. “Do you mind me asking how you became Castellan? It’s just that I had to work so hard to become an Arcanist because I’m a dwarf and you’re an elf so…”

I smiled at her. “I saved Adaar’s life and he punished me by sticking me in charge.”

“Oh.” She looked like she wasn’t sure if I was teasing her or not.

“I gave him a fire glyph before Haven’s fall. It kept him from freezing after the avalanche. I didn’t really want to be put in charge of things, but I have Skyhold now so I can’t complain too much.” 

Her face brightened and her hands fluttered slightly before she tucked them back together firmly. “You’re a mage! Oh excellent! Sometimes I need a magical perspective on things and…” She paused and winced. “I should probably ask if you are alright with helping me first.” 

“I would be happy to help when and where I can.” I was fairly certain Dagna was on the spectrum at this point and it made me feel both satisfied at my head canon being right and also protective because growing up on the spectrum in a place where they didn’t even know what autism was had to be really, really rough. “I haven’t had formal magical training however. I’m mostly learning from Solas and a few books.” 

“Oh! Fascinating! I would love to ask you some questions about your different experiences and thoughts! I only have the Circles’ perspective, which while it is useful, is a bit limited.” She pulled out a notebook and a charcoal stick, then frowned and started to put them away. “If you are alright with that. It doesn’t have to be now… or ever if you aren’t...” 

“Yes.” I sat down right there on the floor. “Ask away, Arcanist Dagna.”

She did the little hand fluttering motion and sat down, and I saw Thom poke around the half finished work tables hesitantly, casting me a nervous look before picking up a tool and starting to work on them. I completely ignored him, honestly, instead focusing on Dagna’s intricate, meandering, and fascinating questions. Several times she would start to apologize for bothering me, but I just reassured her I was happy to help and that I was finding it interesting. I learned a lot about the technical side of magic, and after a while, Dagna became engrossed in the subject, her hands fluttering freely and happily as she talked. 

I didn’t notice that someone had come up behind me until Dagna suddenly tucked her hands together and then gathered up her scattered notes. I looked up and sighed when I saw that it was Cassandra. “Do you mind? I was having fun.”

Dagna startled, then blushed and looked away. 

“You have been missing for several hours. The commander was concerned you might have fallen into some sort of trouble with your prisoner.” Her eyes flicked over all of us. 

I looked over and saw Thom next to a brand new table. He set aside what looked like a saw and looked guilty as he fell back into the meek ‘at ease’ posture he’d been lurking in since I broke him out of prison. 

“No. He’s been perfectly fine. I just came to speak with the Arcanist like Leliana told me, and then became distracted in her research. It’s really quite fascinating.” I stood up and dusted off my pants. “If it’s been hours however, I need to check on my people. I’m surprised I haven’t had runners coming after me.”

“Your serving elf is blocking the door along with Sera.”

“His name is Sa’nehn and he is my aide and friend.” I said sharply. ‘Serving elf’. 

Cassandra faltered then blushed. “Oh. Yes, forgive me. I only...”

“Saw a pair of pointed ears?” I said dryly. 

Cassandra drew herself up indignantly, then deflated. “Yes.”

I gave her a bright smile. “Acknowledging it is the first step to doing better. I’m proud of you.” 

She blinked in shock at my praise and I bid Dagna goodbye and told her to keep me updated if she needed anything or just wanted to talk again. Thom hurried over to follow me with a muttered, ‘my lady’ to both Cassandra and Dagna. Sera fell into step beside me when I left the undercroft, twirling an arrow between her fingers.

“So. Sa’nehn here says that you say that I’ll like the magic expert for some reason.”

“I think you might. She’s very sweet. And you are too.” I grabbed her arm and pressed a kiss to her cheek. 

She blushed and scrubbed at her face. “Wot was that for!”

“Scaring the nobles.” 

“Oh. I do that for free, but if you’ll pay me in kisses…” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, then cackled when I snagged the arrow out of her hands.

“Go on with you.” I shooed her off. No sooner than she had vanished into the shadows lining the main hall, Sa’nehn pushed a paper into my hand.

It was an envelope and smelled like Orlesians. I grimaced and opened it and scanned through the perfect handwriting. Oh shoot… I had forgotten Vivienne and the clothes. She wanted to have tea with me and go through what had been made so far. I sighed and glanced at Sa’nehn. “I’ve caused you enough trouble today. I have to go talk to Madame De Fer so if you want to go have some free time, that’s good.” 

He shifted uncertainly and I put my hand on his shoulder. “I’ll be down in time for supper. Go take a break. Put this in the Den for me if you don’t mind.” I handed him the arrow.

He nodded sharply and walked off and that left me with Thom… who I couldn’t really do much about unless I wanted to lock him in a room. Which I didn’t. I gave him an apologetic grimace and headed up to meet Vivienne in the room she had written about. Thom fell into step behind me, and soon enough I was inhaling a bracing breath and knocking on the door to a private room. 

An elf woman answered the door and silently ushered me in. Vivienne was seated on a cushioned sofa, her feet tucked up under her in graceful casualness. She snapped the book she was holding shut and gave me a demure smile. “Castellan. I am glad you had the time.” Her smile took on a hard edge as her gaze fell on Thom and she let her feet fall gracefully to the ground. “Must you bring him everywhere, dear? It does not look well for your image to be shadowed by a prisoner, especially after your display the other day.”

“He is my responsibility, Madame De Fer.”

Vivienne regarded me for a moment before indicating the seat across from her. “Please sit.” A pause and the slightest of sneers. “Both of you.” 

I inclined my head and took a seat and Thom awkwardly sat beside me. The elf woman silently poured us all tea and I gave her a smile. “Hello. I’m Fen. thank you.” 

She stared at me with wide eyes before speaking quietly. “I am Tabithe, Lady Wolf.” 

“It’s nice to meet you, Tabithe.” I gave her a smile and she went back to pouring the tea silently. 

Vivienne was watching me sharply. “You attracted a lot of attention, storming through the hall the other day.”

“It is a good thing you were so generous as to commission new clothes for me if I’m to be attracting attention then, isn’t it?” I asked as I picked up one of the tea cups and handed it to Thom before taking the other. The cup looked ridiculously delicate in his hands and he seemed to know it. 

“You are planning on making scenes again?”

“I don’t plan to, but they tend to happen with me.” I conceded and tasted the tea. It was something with lime. Not my favorite. “If I see something that needs to be fixed, I do what I can.” 

Vivienne gave me that sharp, considering glance again before subtly changing the subject. We finished our tea and talked, and Thom was absolutely silent beside me, his eyes on his tea cup, and I was getting worried about him. Finally, after the tea pot was empty and Vivienne had finished her rituals of politeness, Tabithe brought out the clothes that had been finished.

They were pretty nice, most of them rich greens and browns with subtle stitching of leaves and wolves. There was one that was a deep purple and I may have gaped at Vivienne when it was unpacked. I loved purple, but… 

“That had to cost a fortune! Purple is expensive!”

“Yes, dear, and it will also bring out the color of your eyes.” She sniffed and flicked her hand dismissively. 

I hugged her. She actually let out a soft little grunt of surprise and did the hand flail before patting my shoulder delicately. 

“Thank you, Vivienne.” I said genuinely as I released her. 

She cleared her throat but her voice still sounded a bit broken. “Yes. Well.” And then smoothed her robes and put her Game face back on. “I am glad the tunics are to your liking.”

“They really, really are. I appreciate it.” 

She gave me a bewildered expression and seemed to be having difficulty focusing on the rituals of saying goodbye as Tabithe helpfully packed up the tunics and breeches and then handed the bundle to Thom. I wondered when the last time Vivienne had been hugged in a completely honest manner. Probably before her circle days. That made my heart hurt a little. You couldn’t fault her for being cold when she had been ripped from her family, raised under the constant threat of death or dehumanization, and then thrown into the Game. 

I decided I was going to hug her every chance I could get away with it. I was finally released from the dance of politeness and started to walk to my Den. Thom walked behind me, perfectly silent, his massive shoulders hunched in slightly. When we reached a mostly empty area of the hall I stopped and turned to look at him, concerned. 

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, my lady. I did not intend to cause trouble for you.” His eyes were lowered and I couldn’t quite tell what emotion he was wearing because of that beard.

“You… didn’t?” I blinked at him and he still wasn’t looking at my eyes. “Come on, if you want to say something, just say it. You look like you think I’m going to kick you.”

“You wouldn’t do that.” He said with a touch of indignation and finally looked me in the eye. “I don’t think that.”

“Well, what do you think?”

“That you are barely two pints of elf and are somehow stronger than anyone I’ve ever seen.” He blurted out. “You face murderers on your own, you yell at men twice your size, you break into prisons and sing in stairwells, and you never once flinch at me being behind your shoulder even though you know what I’ve done.”

I was gaping at him, at a loss at what to say, but he wasn’t done. He straightened, his face intense.

“Everyone has told you to lock me away, as you should, but you don’t. You let me follow you and I try not to frighten you but you don’t even bat an eye if I pick up a weapon. You pulled me out of prison and let me build and I don’t- I don’t know how you are so  _ sure _ you are doing the right thing, but you are sure.” 

“I have spent many years trying to learn to be honorable and find redemption. I thought that I could find redemption by fighting to protect but everything I thought I learned has been turned on its head in the short time spent following you around.”

Oh… “I’m not a hero. Not… I’m not some ideal to be put on a pedestal.”

“You-”

“No, the point is, I am a normal person. That’s the wonderful thing about it, Thom. I’m just a normal person, and that means that any normal person can do what I do. It’s attainable.” I let out a tired breath. “I help, or I try to. And now… I want to have dinner with my pack.”

He looked thoughtful as he tucked the bundle of Vivienne’s gift further under his elbow. “Of course. Lead on, my lady.”

His shoulders stayed straight as we walked and I counted that a victory. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The thing Fen says to Thom on the stairs is a quote from an Anarchist but I could not find the author of it.


	23. Chapter 23

I broke the arrow I had taken from Sera in half and with Lahnehn’s help, fixed it to a makeshift headband to make a prank arrow. 

Thom poked around the Den and eventually started working on the raised garden beds and the tables we had gathered supplies for but hadn’t gotten around to building. 

Jim wanted a pet chicken. 

I thought that was a great idea and promised to try and get him some pet chickens. 

Solas let me sit in his lap while I talked with Terys about the stuff Dagna needed.

I felt happy. It was a nice feeling, being surrounded by pack and friends and whatever the hell Solas was to me. Sa’nehn was play dancing with Rasa, letting her hold onto his fingers as she stumbled and giggled. The kids were playing some game similar to Ring-Around-The-Rosie with Timothy and Mina, and Saam and Maeva were talking quietly with Onhalla and Harrill over a charcoal sketch on the ground and Thom was slowly edging in so it probably had to do with a building project. Lahnehn and Aelon were going through my new outfits and arguing amongst themselves on what I was going to wear tomorrow. 

All of them had smiles and were gaining weight, their furtive motions easing into straight shoulders and bright eyes. I was proud of them.

Terys moved away to join the discussion of my outfits with Aelon and Lahnehn and I leaned my head back on Solas’ shoulder and sighed contentedly. “Thank you, Solas, for bringing us here.” 

His arms tightened around me, one of his hands coming up to roll the wolf pendant around my neck between his fingers. “Thank you for allowing me in.” He said quietly. “Will you come to bed with me tonight?”

“I’d love to, but Wisdom said she may have found the secret entrance to the valley Fen’Harel told me about and I want to check it out tonight. You go to bed without me and if it is alright, I’ll drop in when I’m done.” 

He made an irritated sound. “You are planning on going to the valley at night, alone?”

“Why? Are you afraid I might get taken by the Dread Wolf if I dare wander away from my Den?” I said teasingly, wiggling my hips just enough to make him inhale sharply and his fingers to flex.

“Yes.” He said gravely.

“I thought we talked about the jealousy thing.” I pulled away to frown at him. “I have no problem with him ‘taking’ me as long as I’m not blind or he’s in wolf form. I’m not  _ that _ fond of wolves.”

He gaped at me for a second, and then his face went crimson all the way to the tips of his ears. “How do you-? You just- You say the most uncouth things in the same manner as you would comment on the weather!” 

I felt a grin spread across my face as I spun around in his lap so I was straddling him. I hooked my hands over his shoulders and purred. “Oh the weather outside is frightful.” I leaned in and pressed my lips to his slack jaw and whispered against it. “But the fire is  _ delightful _ .” A breath to his ear made him shiver under me and his hands went to grip my hips. “But as long as you hold me so…” I kissed the line of his ear. “Let it snow.” 

Suddenly cold water drenched us both and I scrambled off of him, sputtering and shivering at the shock. Lahnehn propped an empty bucket on her hip and held up a scolding finger. “Children!”

Solas had sprung to his feet and was now holding his arms out from his body, looking for all the world like an indignant, drenched cat, and I burst out laughing. “Sorry. We were just discussing the weather.” 

He gave me a dryly amused glance and I threaded out a bit of mana to whisk the water from our clothes and into the garden. Lahnehn rolled her eyes. “The  _ weather _ . Right. Teach me how you did that.” 

So I spent the next half hour trying to explain what I had done, in the worst possible way I could think of until Solas grew exasperated with me and took over and within minutes Lahnehn and Saam not only knew how do whisk water away, but we three also knew how to make dust disappear. I was grinning in a rather smug manner at getting Solas to engage with the others. His weakness was sharing knowledge. 

He, of course, noticed my smugness and gave me a flat look, and I just pointedly kissed his cheek goodnight and belted my daggers on as Wisdom trotted up with an inquisitive meow. Thom took Terys and Sa’nehn’s sharp looks as a hint and ducked into the room set aside for him and I gave them a pointed ‘be kind’. 

Solas caught my wrist as I turned to follow Wisdom and I thought it was pretty strange how the gesture didn’t bother me anymore. 

“Are you sure you wish to go by yourself?”

“Wisdom will be with me. I’m hardly alone.” I pointed out.

He opened his mouth, no doubt to protest, then gave Wisdom a dry glance. “I am not doubting you, I am simply doubting the form.”

She hissed at him, fluffing up her impressive fur and arching her back, and it was amazing. He held up his hands in surrender. “Very well. I concede.” 

I loved Wisdom. “Lead on, Lan’sila.”

She lifted her nose and crooked her tail and headed for the cavern pools and I heard Solas mutter in elvhen before going to his room. Wisdom took me to the far wall of the cavern that we hardly ever went to as we still had plenty of space on the other side of the pools, then she paced in front of the wall and sat down. 

_ I cannot see the wall _ . She said.  _ But I can feel it if I try to walk into it. _

“Illusion spell?” I reached out and felt along the wall she indicated. It felt solid. 

_ I am unsure. _ She flicked her tail.  _ I am most curious to find out what it is. _

“You are quite curious. I’m wondering why you’re called Wisdom.” I said absently as I opened myself up like she had taught me to look at the wall. I blinked in shock when the wall disappeared to reveal a tunnel. I could see the tunnel, but I could still feel cold stone under my fingers. 

_ If one assumes they know all, they can hardly call themselves wise, now can they? _ Wisdom pointed out. 

“You have a point.” The wall was only hidden from those without magic. No… it was hidden from everyone who wasn’t a spirit or trained to See like a spirit. Or an ancient elf.

_ Ah. _

“It’s like the wall spell, just hidden with a different key. Now… what would the key be?” I mused, then decided to input my go-to coupon code. I imagined myself stepping through the spell, and with a bit of focused intent, said please like an ancient elf, “Sathan.” 

The solid feeling beneath my fingers disappeared and I stepped through. Wisdom trotted after me.  _ How did you know the password? _

“It was a guess.” I gasped, feeling a little giddy. It had worked! I was going to get my valley! I kept my hand on my dagger hilt and kept my sight open as I headed down the tunnel. It was large enough to drive a small wagon through, which made sense as during a siege the valley would be the main food supply. 

The tunnel was a little steep, I had to lean back a bit to keep my balance. Probably carts on a winch instead of animal drawn? Or magic drawn carts… I wouldn’t put it past ancient elves to have ‘horseless carriages’. My shins were hurting a little bit by the time the tunnel leveled out and I ran face first into another solid, invisible wall.

“Mother fucker!” I held my nose in agony. “Is it broken?” I forced myself to pull my hands away for Wisdom to look at, then decided I really didn’t care if I healed my nose crooked and just slapped a healing spell to my face. The pain was gone in a rush of pins and needles itching that sent me into a bloody sneezing fit.

Wisdom was watching me in fascinated horror, her ears laid backwards as she stared at me while I cleaned my face up with the handkerchief.

_ That… was rather disgusting. _

“It felt it too.” I muttered, then focused and asked the wall to let us through. It did, obligingly enough after bloodying my nose. And then… I was in the valley. It was breathtaking, layers of magic in the ground and whispering in the air, ancient trees thick with a sense of oldness that still felt young next to the earth it was bound to. Wisdom brushed against my mind in command to reel my sight back and I did with a gasp, my throat feeling tight with both strain and tears. 

It was still beautiful in just the moonlight… tall grasses spread out like a blanket between the knees of the mountains, old, massive trees ringing and climbing the steep edges of the valley walls. It was large enough to fit an entire modern city. Completely isolated, protected. Hidden. 

“I’m keeping it.” I said, fully aware my voice was shaking. “I’m keeping it for my pack, my people.”

And then I ran. Burst into a sprint that made my aching legs scream in protest and my heart start racing with adrenaline. Mine. The grasses whipped around my legs and the air was cold and thin and so clear it felt like I could see the trails of scent in the air. A stone tripped me in my headlong race and I flew forward, my hands reaching out to catch me and pull me forward and it felt just like in the fade and something clicked and shifted and then-

My paws hit the earth and then I was racing off again, faster, four legged and howling in excitement. I ran until even my wolf legs gave out and I collapsed in a patch of grass, overwhelmed with scent and sound and the feeling of the tall grass against my fur. I panted and tried to look over myself as I rolled heedlessly in the grass. I looked, as far as I could see, like a perfectly ordinary timber wolf. Gray, a little on the skinny side. I needed to eat more. So. Much. Fur!

Wisdom had obviously not tried to keep up with my romp under the moon, and so, alone and hidden, I gave into every girl’s secret dream. I sat on my haunches, raised my nose to the moon and  _ howled _ with every bit of breath left in my lungs. I howled for my pack and my home and my heart. The mountains echoed with it and I closed my eyes, feeling strangely more exhausted after the howl than after the run. I found the thing that had ‘clicked’ in me and unwound it, and felt myself shift back to elf form.

I was sitting in the grass, eyes closed, listening to the last echoes of my howl fade away in the mountains when something shifted in the grass behind me. I opened myself up a bit, wary, and just brushed across the shadows and lightning of Solas. I closed my exhausted self back up with a twinge in my aura.

“Hey, Solas. I did it. I found the Valley and I shifted.” I was feeling pretty damn proud of myself. He was absolutely silent and still and I sighed. “Solas. Come praise me.” I turned to give him a look, only to find Fen’Harel staring at me, somehow even bigger outside of the fade, all six eyes fixed on me curiously. 

Oops…

“Uh… Hey. Didn’t expect to see you here.” I hedged.

_ You called _ . He said into my head, just like Wisdom and Loyalty.  _ I heard you. You called for your vhenan. _

“And here you are…” Vhenan. Home. Heart. I stood and faced him on slightly shaky legs, shaky for once from exhaustion rather than fear. 

Fen’Harel let out a deep, bone deep, pained whine and his eyes closed, his massive head turning away from me.  _ You were expecting Solas. Not… this. _

“I didn’t think you would appear outside of the fade like this.” I said softly and stepped closer to him. “I told you, I’m not choosing one or the other.” 

He studied me for a long, heavy moment before laying down and resting his head on his paws.  _ Do you trust me? _

“Yes, but!” I held up a finger. “I don’t want to be blinded right now.” 

Nothing happened and he didn’t move, so I picked my way over to him and sat down by his side and leaned into him, sinking into the thick black fur. He wasn’t as cold outside of the fade. “I found the valley. I’m keeping it.” 

_ You found it sooner than I expected. _ He sounded wondering but I was too tired to parse out the meaning. 

“I had help.” I closed my eyes and curled into the soft, warm fur. The movement of his chest practically lifted me each breath. It was like an eldritch rocking chair. “The spell was weird.”

_ It is so old that it began to resonate with the stones. It is part of the mountain now. _

I made an interested sort of noise, already half asleep. “Need… to teach the pack. Get them here. Safe. Hidden.”

I fell asleep on Fen’Harel’s side, exhausted, satisfied, and comfortable. I didn’t dream, too exhausted for that, but I vaguely was aware of being lifted and moved, and when I woke, it was in Solas’ bed. He was reading on his mattress, my head on his legs, and he was petting my hair with absent fingers. I had the grimy feeling in my mouth that meant I had been sleeping hard and long and I grimaced as I rolled onto my back to look up at him blearily.

“On dhea, Tarlen’Fen.” He said with the slightest of smiles.

“On dhea, Solas.” 

“Though truly, it is the afternoon.” He said pleasantly.

I sat bolt upright. “What!” Then fell back with a pained whimper when every muscle south of my collar bones made themself known. 

“I informed the others that you needed rest. You have been over straining yourself.”

“It’s just some stairs. I’ll get used to it.” I grumbled even as I settled back to lay against his legs. 

“Thin air, stairs, horse riding, dagger training, language lessons, extreme use of unhoned magical skills, and apparently dashing under the moon and expending incredible amounts of spirit magic.” He listed as casually as a grocery list. “As well as I am sure a dozen other things that I am not aware of.” 

“Yelling at people and prison breaks.” I added, but did not move off of his legs. 

“I considered those simply a natural state of yours.” He said and that was a joke. Wolf’s got jokes! He gave me a concerned glance. “I do think you should rest today. I made the apologies on your behalf and your pack has readily shouldered your duties. Healing spells do not allow your muscles to develop as they need to in order to bear the strain you insist on putting them through.” 

On the one hand… stuff to do. On the other hand, everything hurt and I was tired and a day off sounded pretty awesome. “I demand warm drinks of some kind.”

“That can easily be arranged.”

“And knitting doesn’t count as work.”

“Only if you do not fall asleep over it.” He seemed pleased. 

“And I have to have at least one cuddle buddy if I’m to be resting.” 

He mouthed the words ‘cuddle buddy’ with distaste but conceded. I ran out of demands I could think of. 

“Huh… guess I’m taking a day off.” 

“Truly, I anticipated more struggle over the matter.” His fingers had started petting my hair again. 

“Days of rest are just as necessary for health as touch and soap.” I considered shrugging but decided my shoulders were too sore. “I’m mortal and mortals need rest.” 

His hand abruptly stilled in my hair and I looked up to see his eyes closed, a pained expression crossing his features before his jaw set and he opened his eyes… he was now wearing a mask to hide his emotions. Which… in retrospect reminding an immortal being that the one who just recently named him their heart was mortal… Bad choice of words there, Fen. 

I decided it best to change the subject and painfully lifted my hand in a grasping gesture. “I have no warm drinks here, darling.” 

“I shall do my best to remedy that.” He said softly and I had a feeling he wasn’t just speaking about the drinks. 

He picked me up easily and I frowned down at myself. I really was rather skinny. I needed more protein. Solas held me carefully and carried me from his room, but instead of taking me towards the makeshift kitchen area, he took me to the pools. Specifically the one that was curtained off and heated. Inside the curtains, steam was curling in the air and it was thick with the scent of elfroot and also the scent Josephine and Leliana had given to me to try and track who I was sleeping with. 

He set me down by the edge and moved as if to leave, but I caught his tunic. “Stay?”

His eyes flicked to the warm water and then away. “I… do not wish to…”

“I am definitely not feeling up to anything sexual. I just don’t want to fall asleep and drown myself.” I reassured him. 

He studied my face for an intense moment before nodding sharply. “I will fetch your demanded warm drink, and then I will return to watch over you.” 

“Ma serannas, ma’fen.” I said as he started to reach for the curtain. 

He stilled and then turned suddenly and put a hand to my face and kissed me firmly on the lips. He pulled away and pressed his forehead gently to mine. “Mar’fen, ma’fen.”  _ Your wolf, my wolf. _

I felt stricken by how earnestly he said that. It was sweet, if a bit obvious. His hints were getting more and more blatant. He slipped away to get my drink before I could plan a reaction and I started painfully stripping out of yesterday’s clothes. Apparently running in wolf form still translated to elf muscles being sore. Which would explain why my chest and arms hurt. I eased into the water of the pool and absolutely could not stop the moan that the hot water pulled from me. 

There was a choked noise behind me and I blissfully floated in the water and looked back to see Solas staring intently at the cavern ceiling, a cup of something steaming clutched in his hands. 

“Like something you see?” I said, meant to be playful but coming out a little breathier than intended because, you know, hot water. 

“Yes.” He said shortly. “You are a trial of patience.” 

I slipped mostly under the water and turned to rest my elbows on the edge of the pool. “Mostly hidden.” 

He exhaled in an amused sort of way before finally looking in my direction and setting the cup in my reach. “Mint tea with a mild restorative potion. Warm, as demanded.” 

“Ma serannas.” I gave him a smile and then sipped at the drink, having to stop and blow out a surprised breath at how sharp it was. “Whoah… you have some powerful mint around here.” 

He made a curious humming noise in his throat as he sat cross legged on the ground. “Mint reacts with elfroot. Under the right circumstances, you can make a cooling potion for treating fevers and burns.” 

That was fascinating and I wanted to try and that must have been obvious because he put a hand on my wet shoulder with a scolding, “Later.” 

“Fine.” I sighed and slunk a little lower in the water. “But I  _ will _ be hounding you for information about that. You know the most amazing things.”

He smiled softly and his fingers lingered on the skin of my shoulder before he pulled away. “I would be honored to share what I know with you.  _ After _ you have rested.”

“Ser, yes, ser.” I said and rested my chin on the edge of the pool, letting my eyes fall half closed. I was definitely going to stay here until I was as shriveled as a prune. We were silent for a minute before I murmured. “How did I get back to the Den?”

“The Dread Wolf carried you. You fell asleep on him.” His fingers ran through my hair again and his tone was slightly astonished. 

“Mmhmm. He’s very soft.” 

His fingers hesitated for barely a second before he laughed. “Only you would call the Bringer of Nightmares ‘soft’.” 

“‘Tis but the name that is the enemy.” I closed my eyes and dredged up my college theater experience, speaking slowly to give myself time to mentally edit the often rehearsed lines. “Thou art thyself, not a title. What’s a title? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man. Oh!” I sighed and sank a little lower into the water, tilting my head into his hand. “Be some other name: What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet; so he would, were he not Dreaded call’d, retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title. Dreaded, doff thy name; and for that name, which is no part of thee, take all myself.” 

I fell silent and the only sound was the slight ripples of water around me and Solas’ quiet, shaky breaths. I opened my eyes and he was looking at me as if he had found something wonderful, tears in the corners of his eyes and his lips parted. He met my eyes and swallowed before moving, sliding into the water fully clothed and pulling me to him to hide his face on the top of my head.

“You… have the most beautiful, wonderful things in that mind of yours, emma’tarlen’fen.” He whispered. “Sometimes it feels as if you could change the world with the words that fall from your lips.”

I hugged him and felt a tremor pass through him and I couldn’t tell if it was from the emotion or the fact that I was naked and pressed against him or some confusing combination of them both. The moment felt significant, like when I had given him the cuff, or had said that I trusted him.

My stomach growled audibly, shattering the moment and Solas inhaled shakily before pulling away, eyes politely averted and he hauled himself out of the pool. “I will fetch you some breakfast.” He paused at the curtains and then added, quietly enough I almost did not hear him over the sound of the water. “Vhenan.” 

Hello stomach flutters. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *attack of the migraines* updates may slow down a little...
> 
> Lines Fen quotes are from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, Act II Scene II


	24. Chapter 24

I spent the scant remnants of the day basically laying under the sun spell and knitting. Solas stayed nearby, reading, and close enough for me to lean against him. Sa’nehn brought me a tray of cheeses and meats, all helpfully sliced to bite sized and left it next to me, along with a pitcher of water so I could snack through the day. I found myself fascinated with smells. My nose felt sharper, and I wondered if it was from shifting into a canine. Solas seemed to be sensitive to scents as well. Dried beef smelled strong and rich and made my mouth water even from an arm’s length away. Salt pork smelled tinny and cloying. Cheese… 

Solas laughed at me when I spent a good minute sniffing a cheese because it was just so complex and I couldn’t name the smell that was on the back of my tongue. He snagged the cube of cheese from me and sniffed it thoughtfully. “Oak.”

I took it back and sure enough, that subtle smell was oak wood. On impulse I leaned over and buried my nose in Solas’ neck and inhaled through both my nose and mouth. He exhaled sharply, leaning towards me before stilling and waiting for me to catalogue. Elfroot. Dust and books. Ozone. The scent of the bath salts he had drenched himself in with me. And under it all, something that was just… Solas. I took a moment to acquaint myself with it before pressing a kiss to his throat and pulling away.

His ears were pink and his eyes were dark as he returned the gesture, a soft inhale and a kiss below my ear. And then he pushed my knitting back into my hands.

Thom quietly worked to arrange the garden beds according to the drawing Saam had given him. Saam herself was practicing a creation spell Lahnehn had brought back from the circle mages, coaxing little shoots into growing faster. Creation was not her area of talent, but she seemed to take great satisfaction and pride in being able to grow things. Maeva had taken the kids up into the Chantry Gardens to play, but she slunk back into the Den with her pockets full of seeds and a small box of salt. She presented them to me with all the wary pride of a cat dropping a dead squirrel at someone’s feet, and then blushed but grinned when I grew excited over the salt. 

I was fully aware she stole them from the Chantry Sisters. I was also fully aware that the Chantry hoarded salt and tried to make the Inquisition buy it from them at higher rates than directly from merchants to the point that average people found salt becoming an even dearer luxury. I was proud of her, though I did caution her to be careful. I wasn’t sure I could face off against the Chantry like I did the Inquisition. Yet.

She gave me an eyeroll. “I’m a cripple. Lady Wolf. The sisters don’t do more than give me a glance of pity, a prayer, and then they forget I exist.”

Which… that made sense. The pack trickled in for dinner, each of them carrying some small something to contribute to the main stew that Saam had made. An apple, a loaf of bread, so on. All of them also stopped by to ruffle my hair with pleased greetings and comments on me finally resting. I was a little surprised when Timothy came down the stairs with Dagna and Amund both following behind him. Wisdom was perched on Amund’s massive shoulder so I guessed it was alright. Sa’nehn immediately moved to stand beside me, his eyes fixed on Amund and his hand on his dagger handle. 

Dagna came up to me with a nervous hand flutter before folding her hands tightly together and rocking on her heels. “I was testing some of the instruments I use to take readings on magical resonance and apparently it took me to the entrance to your secret Den, which- that spell is amazing.” Her eyes were fixed on the sun spell. “Can I take some readings of it? I haven’t seen anything like that before but- oh, yes, I’m sorry, I wasn’t meaning to pry, I just…” She trailed off, her eyes still fixed on the spell.

I smiled at her. “It’s alright. You can study it while you’re down here. We were just about to have supper, however. You’re welcome to join us.”

“Oh thank you!” She turned towards the sun spell and pulled a crystal and metal contraption from her pocket. 

Amund carefully set Wisdom down on the ground. “The young helpful god said I should seek a place among your wolves, Thane WolfBlessing. Your holdbeast led the way and your tribesman granted me entrance. I bring a gift in thanks for letting me trespass into your hold.” He held out his hand and presented a beautifully carved bone crochet hook and I caught a scent of embrium and chalk as I took it from him.

“Oh. Thank you.” I really didn’t know the rituals of the Avvar so I just went with mine. “It is beautiful and practical and will help the pack.” He looked pleased and I felt a little… stunned at the mountain of a man wanting into the pack but yet… it made sense. He had lost his tribe, he was far from home, and surrounded by lowlanders. A ‘pack’ in the mountains with a resident spirit was probably the closest thing to familiarity to him. I was not a Thane though. Was I?

Timothy made a dipping motion like he had been about to kneel and then remembered he shouldn’t. “Your cat seemed to want me to let them in, and I’ve seen you listen to her, so I did.”

“I’m glad you did, Timothy. Lan’Sila is a good judge of character, and I don’t want any of you to hesitate to bring anyone you think might be good in the pack.” I gave Timothy a smile and he looked relieved as I turned to Amund. “Welcome to the Den, Amund. We’re more a pack than a tribe. We look out for each other, we help each other, we protect each other. If you want to join, the whole pack has to agree.”

He nodded solemnly. “A wise rule to prevent strife. I will speak to them with your leave.” 

“Of course.” I gave him a smile. Amund! In the pack!

He looked at Sa’nehn. “It is an honorable thing to protect one’s Thane.”

And then he moved towards the glyph where Saam was cooking. He squatted down beside her and she gave him a wide eyed glance before dropping her eyes to the pot shyly. 

“I like him.” Sa’nehn grunted and moved off to scoop up Rasa. The kid loved her. 

“You do not protest being called a Thane?” Solas’s arm was suddenly wrapped around my waist and I felt him lay his chin on the top of my head.

“I’m not exactly sure what a Thane is, to be honest. Also, I’m not a lady and everyone calls me one anyway. I’m picking my battles.”

“A ‘punk’ instead of lady?”

“Yeah.” My eyes widened in delighted realization. “Oh gods, I could be called Punk Wolf! That would be so, so much better than Lady Wolf.” Then I wrinkled my nose. “Except the elvhen translation is already taken.” 

“What is the elvhen translation of ‘punk’?” He sounded amused.

“Closest thing would be ‘Harel’, or rebel. But there is already a Fen’Harel.” 

He started chuckling and I felt him brush a light kiss to my head. “Pick your battles Vhe-“ He stopped himself and I felt his arms tighten slightly. “Do you- I should have asked. It is elvhen…”

“Vhenan. The heart, the home.” I leaned back into him. “I would feel honored if that is what you felt about me. Vhenan.” 

He exhaled sharply and I felt him smile into the top of my head. “You say it so simply.”

“As simple as a sunrise.” 

“I sense a touch of poetry behind the statement.” He said, then lifted his head and released me as Harrill approached with a pair of bowls for us. “Ma serannas.” 

The pack arranged itself in a loose ring to eat, Mina dragging Dagna away from her research to eat with us and listening patiently as Dagna gushed about the technical aspect of the spell. Maeva and Amund seemed to have hit off pretty well, speaking about different plants with Saam practically squished between them and shyly contributing to the conversation. 

I felt a sense of pride as I looked over my people. Talking, eating, caring about each other. Home. Vhenan. Solas was speaking to Lahnehn about some intricacy of magic. Heart. Vhenan. 

The pack readily accepted Amund in, and I felt a fan girl’s giddiness as he pressed his forehead to mine and I was hit again with the scent of embrium and chalk and ‘Amund’. I was a little surprised when Mina nominated Dagna to be accepted. I hadn’t thought the others would like the wonderful, if odd, woman. But Mina nominated her, the pack agreed, and Dagna fluttered her hands in confused happiness. She loved the idea of the pack, but hadn’t thought we would want a dwarf arcanist. 

Dagna smelled like metal and smoke and ozone, and my pack was two stronger. Wisdom curled up on my lap and I leaned against Solas. I was faintly aware that Cole was somewhere in the Den and I sent a wisp of fond mana towards him, thanking him for bringing Amund. 

Apparently that tiny brush of magic was enough to exhaust me and the next thing I was aware of was building my dreamscape back up after weeks of neglect. Fen’Harel padded up and sat under my tree as I repaired the outside of the cabin. 

“I realized that I’m not eating enough.” I said in lieu of greeting. “I’ve lost too much weight in the physical. I didn’t realize I was hurting myself so badly.”

“The others have noticed.”

Statements instead of questions. “Yeah. Sa’nehn has always pushed food at me, now I know why. I’m going to set up a rotating schedule so that every four days, someone gets the next day off.”

“Including yourself.”

“Including myself.” I smiled at him and finished arranging the bean vines against the wall of the cabin to my liking before moving towards him to press my forehead to the massive breadth of his skull. “Hello, vhenan.”

He let out a wisp of longing and shock, then lay down and rested his head on his paws, looking at me with all six eyes. “Have you put your mind to discovering my identity, Tarlen’Fen?”

I hummed and sat in front of him, summoning some knitting into my hands. “I have a riddle.” 

His ear flicked in interest. “A riddle?”

“I can ask you a question, and if you know the answer, then I will also know who you are. If you don’t know the answer, then I was wrong.”

“I could pretend that I do not know the answer.” He pointed out.

“I know. It’s on purpose. That way if you aren’t ready for me to know, you can hold your secret a little longer.” I said gently. 

“You put my comfort above your curiosity.”

“Always. And you, Wisdom, and Solas are all terrible at using question marks.”

He huffed an amused breath and did the canine wiggle forward so his nose was pressed against my knees. “We are. You found the valley.”

“Yes. Wisdom showed me the way, I figured out the key, and now it’s mine.” I scooted over so I could pet the fur on the side of his face. 

“What will you do with the land you have claimed?” His eyes half closed as I combed my fingers through his fur. 

“Build. Plant. Grow. I’ll fill it with my pack and all the things they need to not only survive but to thrive. The grass is thick, I can procure some druffalo or rams for meat and milk. Chickens. Fruit trees. Lahnehn is a talented creation mage, between her, Saam, and I we should be able to get them bearing within a year. The trees are strong and old. If I get to keep Thom I would ask him to help build houses in their branches. A school in the center where everyone can learn to read, to share knowledge and ideas. Somewhere they can all be safe and free.” I realized I had gotten a little carried away and blushed. “Sorry…” 

“Do not apologize. I admire your passion.” Fen’Harel said softly. “You have not told your pack that you have found the way to the valley.”

“One of them probably works for Leliana.” I sighed. “I don’t know which one. I’m not… actually sure if one of them  _ does _ but it makes too much sense. Leliana wouldn’t pass up the chance to get an inside source on me. The valley is too important. I want to have a firm foothold in it before the Inquisition reaches it, and I can’t do that if Leliana finds the way through the Pack.”

“Follow your nose.” He said cryptically. 

“Thank you.” I said dryly. Except… I had spent the whole afternoon cataloging scents. All I really needed was to get a whiff of Leliana, and then see which one had her on them. 

“If you do find a spy, what will you do?”

“Ask them to choose. The Pack or their job.” 

“And how will you know they choose truly?”

“Ask Wisdom and Cole to help me. Maybe Loyalty too.” I brightened as an idea struck me. “Oh! I can bring Loyalty into the Valley!” 

Fen’Harel suddenly moved his head, knocking me flat on my back and then trapping me by resting his muzzle on my chest. “You would allow a spy to stay.”

“I would allow someone who was once a spy to stay.” I corrected. “I can’t fault them for doing their job at first, but when it comes down to it, they just have to choose where their loyalties lie.” 

He made a noise I couldn’t interpret but it seemed the conversation was over. I lay there, the heavy weight of his head on my chest, and enjoyed the moment, carding my fingers through the fur of his face. I started humming absently and he sent an inquisitive nudge. 

I smiled and closed my eyes. “I wanna fly like an eagle to the sea. Fly like an eagle, let my spirit carry me. I want to fly like an eagle, ‘till I’m free, Oh lord, through the revolution.”

He lifted his muzzle slightly to peer at me with three giant red eyes. I grinned at him and kept singing. “Feed the babies, who don’t have enough to eat. Shoe the children, with no shoes on their feet. House the people livin’ in the street. Oh lord, there’s a solution. I want to fly like an eagle…” I trailed off and he huffed a breath of frost.

“The song fits you.” He said softly. “I like it.”

“Thank you. I wonder… would I be able to learn to shift into an eagle as well?”

He let out a fondly exasperated groan and pinned me in place with his muzzle again. “You need more than a single day of rest before attempting more magic. Allow your body to recover.”

That was a yes. I laughed and tilted my head back in surrender. “Fine. I’ll wait till I have a bit of jiggle to my step before trying to fly. Until then, what do you want me to make you?”

He lifted his head in shock. “What?”

“I haven’t made you a gift yet.” I pointed out. “If I’m to be on bedrest, I want to at least be able to make you something. It won’t have my magic in it since I have to rest, but I want to at least make you something with my hands, vhenan.”

He let out the bone deep whine again at the word and sat up onto his haunches. He stared at me for a long moment before closing his eyes. “Surprise me, vhenan.” 

“That does seem to be my specialty.”

“Indeed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Fen sings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zT4Y-QNdto  
> The version of the song Fen sings that I enjoy the most: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQWqr7i24kE


	25. Chapter 25

I declared I was going to get back to work over breakfast that morning. Every single member of the pack present gave me a flat look and I raised my hands. “I’m just going to sit in the main hall and field runners. No stairs, training, or extreme magic.” 

“No magic.” Onhalla countered.

“Unless necessary.” At her suspicious glance I smiled. “I’m not trying to be difficult. I want to get stronger, and that means I need to rest. I know. But I need to help.” 

They accepted that and I ate as much breakfast as I could fit into me while watching the new pack dynamics. Dagna had apparently not wasted a moment moving into one of the empty rooms, though she kept the door wide open and I could see boxes and contraptions spread over the floor. She seemed breathlessly excited over the resonance of the stones and it warmed my heart to see her so happy. 

Amund had collected a pair of shadows in Maeva and Saam, both of whom seemed completely unsure what to think of him. I saw them both just looking up at him with a screensaver expression when he wasn’t looking at them. I sympathised. He was… a presence. Timothy knew how to crochet as well as how to spin, and took the hook Amund had given the pack and began to teach Haleir how to crochet with it.

Thom had moved on from arranging stones to make garden beds and was putting together something that looked suspiciously like a chicken pen. He seemed calmer than a couple of days ago, more settled. Building seemed to agree with him. It made me anxious about Kost’s return and his eventual judgement. Solas left before I was finished eating, pressing his forehead against mine and then giving me a soft kiss before taking his leave. My stomach fluttered long after he had climbed the spiralling stairs out of the Den. 

Aelon helped me pack up my knitting bag with minimal teasing comments about needing ‘real’ rest that I blithely fielded by pretending I didn’t know what she meant until she caught on that I was trolling her. She gave me an exasperated kiss on the cheek when she realized and shoved my knitting bag into my hands. Sa’nehn and Thom both fell into step behind me as I headed for the stairs, Anise following with her whittled wolf in her hands. I barely set foot on the first step when massive hands suddenly lifted me up and I was set on Amund’s shoulder before I could do more than squeak. 

“You said no stairs today, Lady Wolf.” He said and started carrying me up the stairs. 

“I’m not complaining.” I laughed, a little breathless because he was really tall and it felt precarious to be going up the stairs on his shoulder. 

He didn’t set me down till we reached the false wall and ducked through first. I had the distinct feeling that he and Sa’nehn might be teaming up on the ‘protect Fen’ front. When I ducked through the wall I found Leliana facing off with Amund right outside the notice me not. I slipped past the ward, and when she saw me, grabbed her into a hug. She did the hand flail as I buried my nose into her shoulder and inhaled subtly. Unscented soap, Andraste’s Grace, birds, and… there. ‘Leliana’. I let her go and gave her a smile. 

She blinked in surprise before smoothing it away with a friendly smile. “Well. I am glad to see you are feeling better.”

“I’m going to be sitting in the Main Hall to work, but I’ll not be using any stairs until I’ve put some weight back on.” I said bluntly. “You can send any runners to the main hall to find me.” 

She inclined her head in acceptance. “Very well, Castellan.” 

“Spymaster.” I shared a slight smile with Solas, who was watching from his desk, before heading for the main hall.

It quickly became evident that having Thom and Amund following me like a pair of mountains gave me a certain… presence. I suddenly became noticeable, nobles’ eyes flicking from my shadows to me with curiosity. It was very obvious they were with me. I wasn’t too sure I liked it. Sa’nehn didn’t seem to like the attention either, glowering at anybody who didn’t immediately move out of my way until they did. I set up in Varric’s normal spot, spreading out the ink pot and quill that Aelon had helpfully packed for me, and tucking my knitting into my lap. Sa’nehn disappeared into the kitchens and Amund shared a glance with Thom, moving off towards the main doors after Thom nodded sharply. 

Odd. 

Thom moved to lean against the wall and I gave him an apologetic glance. “I’m afraid I’m not going to be too interesting to shadow today.”

“It is alright.” He didn’t elaborate. 

Sa’nehn reappeared with a plate with a pair of little meat pies and a cup of whole milk. He set them by my elbow and then moved to lean against the wall next to Thom, shooting the much larger man a glare. Sa’nehn sometimes reminded me of a mongoose. I would never say that to his face however, one of the reasons being I did not want to have to explain what a mongoose was. 

A runner showed up very quickly with a missive from Josephine I started to nibble on one of the pies while I composed a reply.

“My lady.” Thom said softly, and when I looked up at him he nodded towards the door where Bull was coming towards us. 

He came to a halt in front of me and looked me over, his arms crossed. I raised my eyebrows and waited for him to finish analyzing. He finally grunted. “One of your people told Skinner you wouldn’t be showing up for lessons for a while.”

I nodded and held up my arm, pointing to my protruding wrist bone. “It has come to my attention that I've been overtaxing myself a little.”

“Took you long enough.” 

“You could have pointed it out.”

His eye flicked to Sa’nehn then back to me with a self deprecating smile. “Didn’t think that was my place. How’d you finally notice?” 

“I passed out in the middle of the wilderness and was dragged back by a wolf.” I said blandly.

He rolled his eye. “Ha ha. Good to see you’re resting, Tama Fen.” He finally uncrossed his arms and pulled a paper wrapped package from his pocket and left it on the table before walking back the way he came. 

I had to field two more runners before I had the chance to open up the package. In it was a pouch of buttons, a bag of candied almonds, and a stuffed winged nug. I may have made a delighted squealing noise and hugged the little thing. “Oh, Krem is the best!”

I passed the stuffy to Anise and then helped her painstakingly write out a sweet thank you note to Krem for the nug, making a pair of runners wait for her to finish carefully writing out her name before I dealt with them. I sent the note with one of the runners and Anise slipped under the table to play.

Barely an hour later Krem came up with a bag hanging from his hand. He shifted nervously before blurting out. “I was going to try and get the Chief to convince Adaar to let me toss these over the wall with the trebuchet, but I think your kids might like them better.” 

He dropped the bag at my feet and turned to flee. I grinned and yelled a ‘thank you’ at his back. 

Anise cautiously opened the bag and made a gasping noise of delight at the sight of about a dozen stuffed winged nugs. Sa’nehn blushed when she took out a plaidweave nug and gave it to him with all of the earnestness of an eight year old, but he tucked it into his pocket before taking her hand to bring her back to the den to share the nugs with the other kids. 

I got lost in my work for a bit, apparently Fiona and Vivienne were having a bit of a tiff and I was the best go between as Cullen generally just agreed with whatever Vivienne said and Leliana agreed with whatever Fiona said. I at least gave both sides a good consideration before mostly agreeing with Fiona. Suddenly a wooden plate piled with steaming roasted meat was set on top of the paper I was reading, the scent immediately making my mouth water.

“You need more meat. A strong wind would shatter you.” Amund said.

I already had a chunk of it in my mouth and was doing the thing where you hold it between your teeth because it was too hot. “Did you seriously go hunting for this?”

He gave me an amused look. “Of course. You lowlanders are terrible hunters. I took the rest of it to the Den for the others.”

“You’re amazing.” I said earnestly and was shocked when he actually colored a little bit. He always seemed so unflappable. “Thank you.” 

“No thanks needed, Wolfs Blessing, ‘look out for each other, help each other, protect each other’ was this not your charge?” 

It was my turn to blush a little, because yes… those were the pack guidelines, but he had gone out, hunted something down, cooked it, and brought it to me and that was… a little more intense than punching someone in the nose. So I shoved another piece of meat into my mouth, regretted it when I burnt my tongue, and then stood up and hugged him. He didn’t do the hand flail, but he did very gently pat me on the back like he was afraid he would break me. Which was a fair concern. I couldn’t even wrap my arms all the way around his waist. 

The hug had attracted some attention and I could see noble eyes following Amund as he walked away before flicking back to me consideringly. I regretted staying in the main hall. Tomorrow I would set up camp in the gardens and scandalize the Chantry sisters. 

“How do you get all the big’uns like that?” Sera said over my shoulder, making me jump and bump her chin with my shoulder. “Every time I turn around you got another mountain lurking over your shoulder.”

“I think it’s because I trigger their ‘protect the tiny puppy’ instinct.” I leaned my head over to press our cheeks together. She smelled like oil and honey and feathers and ‘Sera’.

Thom made an agreeing noise from the wall.

“That makes sense. You’re all small and scrawny and cute. Also, you stole the little redhead from me, wots with that?” Sera jabbed me in the ribs with a sharp finger.

“I did not steal her from you. She simply got distracted. She’ll be back.” I dug into my knitting back and slipped the arrow headband into her hands, turning to whisper in her ear. “It goes on your head. Have fun.” 

She glanced at it and her eyes widened before she cackled and pressed a very wet, very noisy kiss to my cheek and dashed off with a cackle. 

“Sera greatly approves.” I laughed and went back to work. 


	26. Chapter 26

Setting up in the garden was way, way better than the main hall. The chantry sisters were livid, especially since I just appeared out of nowhere and sat on the nearest stone bench so by the time they noticed me, I was already entrenched with a passel of elf kids playing at my feet, Thom whittling behind me, and Sa’nehn setting a tray of finger foods next to me. I dealt with three runners before Mother Giselle approached with a pair of sisters at her shoulders. I held up a finger when she started to speak and she blinked at me in shock as I ignored her in favor of finishing the letter that I had been brought. 

I set the letter on the bench, made a few notes in the margins, then handed it back to the runner with a smile and instructions to take it back to Josephine before finally looking at Mother Giselle. “Is there something you need?”

“Fenenansal, this-”

“Castellan.”

She blinked again. “Pardon?”

“I am Castellan Fenenansal.” I said politely.

Her lips thinned into a displeased line, but she inclined her head and spoke gently, as if to a child. “Castellan Fenenansal, this garden is meant to be a place of quiet and reflection.”

“No it isn’t.” I said, just as gently, just as condescending. I had already handled this little bit of power play above Mother Giselle’s head, a handy raven to Adaar and an exasperated ‘it’s your castle, Fen’ in reply. “This garden is meant as a place of recreation and relaxation. The area allowed you for your order’s reflection and peace is in there.” I pointed at the room containing the shrine to Andraste. “The garden is for all the people in Skyhold to use as they need.”

“I was under the impression that the gardens had been set aside for Chantry use.”

“I said you could set up in here until a more reasonable space had been found.” I put on my customer service smile, the one that showed just a glint of teeth. “And a more reasonable space has been found, and I thought it a waste of space to block off such a useful area from the people of Skyhold.” 

“The Chantry does not deny-”

“Mages, Elves, dwarves, and vashoth as people equal to humans in the sight of the Maker?” I interrupted in a syrupy sweet tone.

Mother Giselle let out a short, ‘ah’, sound and folded her hands neatly in front of her. “I see.” 

I made a humming noise that meant I thought she really didn’t, but kept up my own polite smile as she tried to stare me down. After a minute I raised my eyebrows. “Did you need something? I have a lot of work to do.” 

She gave me a teeth gritted smile and took her leave and my smile turned more into ‘smug smirk’ territory as I waved over the next runner. No doubt she would run to Josephine about the upstart elf, but I had already discussed my plans for the garden with Josephine and she had signed off on them and the resources I had requested. The Chantry was neatly sequestered into one room where the devout could go and pray in peace, and the rest of the people could use the gardens in peace. 

I would have counted that as a good day’s work in and of itself, but then a harried runner from Cullen showed up. “Lady Wolf, there are barbarians throwing… goats at the walls.”

I smiled and stood, brushing my tunic smooth before swirling the cloak Adaar had given me over my shoulders. “I will be there shortly. Would you mind having Loyalty saddled for me? As well as a mount for Thom, Sa’nehn, and Cole, if you would.” 

Wisdom meowed loudly and pointedly and I nodded. “Of course you are coming as well. Can’t very well leave the ‘holdbeast’ behind.”

She gave me a tail flick and I closed my eyes and opened myself up, reaching out till I found the vague impression of Cole, and then I asked him to come with me. Sa’nehn cursed abruptly and I closed myself off and opened my eyes to find Cole standing directly in front of me. I smiled. “Would you mind riding out to talk to some people with us? I believe having you there will help avoid any arrests.”

“You don’t like people in chains. It hurts your heart to see them bound.” He said. “I will help. Help to avoid a hurt instead of heal a hurt.” He tilted his head thoughtfully. 

“Thank you.” I pulled him into a hug and was struck by the odd scentlessness that he had. Must be a spirit thing. Loyalty and Wisdom didn’t smell either. I gathered up my things and sent the kids down to the Den, then slipped my hand into Cole’s and headed for the courtyard. 

It was easy to see where I needed to go from the excited, unearthly wailing neigh that Loyalty let out when it saw me. The nervous scout holding its reins dropped them and ran and Loyalty trotted up to me, radiating delight.

_ WolfBlessing! I have missed you! _

I petted its head as it nuzzled my hair. “I missed you too. I put my physical form through too much and I have to let myself heal. We’re going for a ride today if you’re willing to carry me.”

_ Of course. _ Loyalty carefully laid down so I could clamber into its saddle without a mounting block. Wisdom hopped onto my lap and curled up as it stood back up. When I looked up from arranging the reins in my fingers correctly, I noticed that I was being stared at by practically everyone in the courtyard. I put on a bright smile and pointedly patted Loyalty’s neck. 

Cole had his head pressed to the horse he had been provided, communing mentally with it, and Thom and Sa’nehn had already mounted up, though they were also giving me disturbed looks. Cullen came shoving through the ranks of gawkers, though he stopped out of biting range.

“Castellan, you cannot seriously be considering riding out to meet the b-” He stopped when I levelled him a sharp look. “The Avvar. We do not know their intentions or if it would be safe for you.”

“Which is why I have Cole, Thom, Loyalty, and Sa’nehn. Two rogues, a warrior, a mage, and a Bog Unicorn. That makes a team, does it not?”

Cullen looked over the party and clenched his jaw. “Two spirits, a prisoner, a boy, and someone who is supposed to be resting.” 

I tapped my jaw pointedly and he sighed in defeat but loosened it. “Allow me to at least send some soldiers with you.” 

“One.” I conceded. “I don’t want to march an army out there, Commander. I’m avoiding a fight, not starting one.” 

He stared at me with a hard expression before snapping at someone to saddle his horse. Well… alright then. I waited for him and then mentally nudged Loyalty forward the moment he rode up to me. Thom and Sa’nehn rode behind us and Cullen decided to ride beside me. He looked angry and I gave him a concerned glance. “Please don’t start shouting and picking fights.”

He glared at me. “I am capable of being diplomatic.”

“Yes, I know, but you’re also a bit…” I put a finger to my cheek in thought. “Sensitive.”

“Sensitive!” He straightened indignantly in his saddle and I grinned at him. He blushed. “You are teasing me.” 

“I’ve been known to do that.” I said, still grinning. I was feeling a little nervous as we passed under the gates to Skyhold. It felt… weird to be leaving it. 

We rode along the bridge and the moment Loyalty’s hooves stepped onto ground instead of stone, a pair of Avvar warriors appeared and looked me over. I gave them a smile and a head bow. “Hail and well met. May I speak with your leader, Chief Movran the Under?”

Cullen hid his shock at my knowing the name surprisingly well. The warriors conversed in their language and Wisdom poked her head up and meowed loudly. They looked at her, and then one of them raised their eyebrows and said something to the other that made him raise  _ his  _ eyebrows, and then the first nodded. “We will take you to him. He will want to speak with you.” There was an emphasis on the ‘you’ that made Cullen bristle. 

Sensitive.

We all dismounted to follow, but Loyalty kept its head over my shoulder. I didn’t mind, just reached up to pet it every few steps, but Cullen and Thom both looked disturbed every time I did. Seriously, Loyalty was a sweetheart for all it looked like a dessicated corpse. We were led up to a small camp and I immediately recognized Movran the Under. I walked right up to him, Wisdom at my feet, Loyalty over my shoulder, and Cole’s hand in mine. 

“Hail and well met, Chief Movran the Under. I am the keeper of the sky stones.” I decided to borrow Amund’s words for me. 

A heavily painted woman with a head dress of bird skulls murmured in the language and Movran’s eyes widened. “The gods favor you, don’t they?” 

“Compassion, Loyalty, Wisdom.” I shrugged. “We get along.” 

“Your steed looks… decayed.” There was a bit of censure to his tone.

I narrowed my eyes at him and hugged Loyalty’s face, careful to avoid the sword. “I love it.” 

I felt Loyalty reach out and then the Auger, which I guessed the painted woman was, bowed. “Our apologies, we did not realize the bond was so new.” 

“Um. Alright.” That was odd… “But why we’re here: Flying goats.” 

“Ah. Your Inquisitor killed my son. So I responded, as is my way, by smacking your hold with goat’s blood.” 

“Goat’s-“ Cullen started to speak but snapped his mouth shut when I looked back at him. Puppy.

“Creative, effective, understood. Well, by myself anyway.” I nodded, then pointed at Cullen with my thumb. “Some saw it as an act of aggression so I came out to smooth things over.”

Movran shrugged, and damn, the Avvar bred them big. “I have no quarrel. The boy was a brat. His mother was a…” He paused and his eyes flicked to my hair. “Willful woman.” 

I smiled. “A redhead, I know. Well. That’s all cleared up. Isn’t it, Commander?” 

Cullen looked at me with an expression of disbelief before he shook his head and I could practically see him washing his hands of the matter. 

So, feeling a little mischievous, I immediately made it part of his problem. “Of course, there is the little fact that the Inquisition is having some trouble with Venatori… Tevinter. Some skilled warriors would definitely be a great help in fighting them.”

Movran’s eyes lit up. “I won’t say no to fighting Tevinters.” 

“Excellent. Perhaps we should discuss this in Skyhold? I just keep the castle, but the Commander and Ambassador of the Inquisition would probably be willing to discuss allying.”

Cullen looked at me in betrayal. I smiled sweetly.

And that was how I ended up riding into Skyhold at the head of a tribe of Avvar, Cullen on one side and Movran on the other. Loyalty went to its knees in front of a wide eyed Josephine and I slid off and petted its neck, feeding it a bit of grateful mana. “Ambassador. I have brought the Inquisition some allies.” 

“Oh.” She said faintly before putting on her diplomat’s smile. I left her to her fate and led Loyalty back to the stables, my legs and back aching from the short ride. I did untack it though, as apparently it neighing had freaked out the stable hands, and I gave it another lick of mana before tucking it into its stall with a goodbye. I turned around and almost ran right into the Auger.

“Oh. Excuse me, I didn’t see you.” Which was a hilarious thing to say honestly as I was a little less than shoulder height to her.

She tilted her head at me. “You’re a strange one for a lowlander.” 

“Thank you.” I figured that was a safe response.

She laughed, so I think I figured right. “Thane WolfBlessing, keeper of the sky stones. You have a very small holdbeast.”

“She liked the form and I’m very small myself.” 

“So she said.” Her eyes trailed over to Loyalty. “Your steed is-”

“Seriously, everyone needs to stop insulting it.” I glared up at her.

“Peace.” She held up her hand and smiled. “You have fire for one so small. I did not finish. Your steed is confident that your bond will improve and as it does, so will its form.”

“Oh.” I looked at Loyalty in concern. 

It sent me a reassuring brush.  _ My auger died a long time ago, and I wasted.  _

“Oh.” I said that a lot. “I’m sorry.” 

_ We will grow together. _ It felt confident and I felt… touched that it trusted me that much. 

“Thank you for telling me.” I directed to the auger. 

“Thank you for keeping us from the dishonor of capture.” She countered. “The young helpful god spoke of your worry.” 

Before I could think of a reply, Solas slipped into the stable, his hands folded behind his back and his eyes glinting in the dim light of the stable as he glanced between us. “Is all well, vhenan?”

“All is well, vhenan.” I smiled at him, stomach fluttering at the endearment.

The auger glanced between us and then bowed, backing towards the door. “I will leave you with your mate. Fair trails, Thane WolfBlessing.”

“Fair trails.” I returned, without her name because I had rudely forgotten to ask. 

She closed the door and the second the wood separated us, Solas pulled me to him and kissed me breathless. I tangled my fingers into his tunic and enjoyed the ride until he nipped at my lower lip and asked, in a very rough, low voice. “Your mate, am I?”

Ahhh… I grazed the line of his jaw with my teeth. “I would walk with you in unguarded paths and bring you to my den.” 

It was a line from an Avvar fanfiction I had read ages ago in a world away, but he reacted strongly, his arms tightening around me and his breath catching. He probably took it as an expression of trust rather than a marriage proposal. He moved, the deceptive strength hidden under his layers of tunics coming into play as he picked me up, hooking my legs over his hips as my back hit the wood of the stall. I gasped and held onto him, delighted by the turn of events as his mouth found my throat, then froze as a ghostly huff wafted over my hair.

“Uh… Solas. Can we not in front of Loyalty?” 

He groaned in frustration against my neck but let my legs fall to the ground and loosened his grip on me. “Forgive me. I find your mouth gets the better of me.”

“Oh, sweetie.” I stood on tiptoe to kiss the tip of his nose. “You haven’t seen half of what my mouth can do.” 

He let out a strangled noise and his eyes darkened just as I slipped out of his arms and went to go back to work. I heard him grumble something that sounded suspiciously like ‘fuck you’ in elvhen to Loyalty as I went out the door. 

Thom and Sa’nehn were waiting for me and fell into step behind me as I walked across the courtyard. My legs hurt. I made it to the steps to the castle proper and I stared at them. Okay, I glared at them. I glared at them, then wheeled around and headed for the tavern. I was greeted by Krem standing on his chair again and I gave him a wave as I looked over to find Dalish leaning against the wall. She grinned at me.

“Tama Fen. You were quite the sight today! Riding in on an undead horse, an army of barbarians at your back.” 

“Quite dramatic.” I rolled my eyes. “But I don’t want to brave the stairs again so I decided I’m going to have dinner here with my favorite Chargers.”

“We’re going to try and get the Chief to arm wrestle that big one you brought in.” Krem said as he came up and slung an arm over my shoulders. 

“My money’s on Bull.” I let him guide me to the table the Chargers were loosely clustered at. Bull and Grim weren’t present, I would bet they were scouting out the new Avvar. There were only two empty chairs after Krem sat, so I perched in his lap so Thom and Sa’nehn could sit. 

He put his mouth to my ear and I couldn’t help a shiver as he whispered and his breath and lips brushed over it. “I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed if you’re trying to get in my pants, Tama Fen.” 

I turned to give him a serious look and answered just as quietly. “Men come in many different shapes, Krem.” I gave him a smile when he looked startled. “Besides, I’m just here to feel taller.” 

He grinned, a crooked, delighted grin and called out for Cabot to serve up stew for me and my shadows. I reached for my pockets to pull out my pocket money and he grabbed my wrist gently, his callused fingers circling entirely around my wrist. 

“I have it, Tama Fen. Look at this!” He held up my wrist and I blushed as he pointed out how skinny I had gotten to all of the Chargers. “We have to do our part to make sure the Chief doesn’t break you next time he sneezes.” 

“Creators know he might pout for a year if he did.” Dalish teased. 

“At least. Maybe two as she’s a redhead.” Rocky chimed in.

I was red faced and laughing by the time the stew appeared in front of all of us and tried my best to join in the crude joking between bites of stew. It was delicious and I had forgotten how much I loved pub food. I was in the middle of my second bowl of stew and my third college story when the tavern was suddenly flooded with giants and the smell of chalk and grass. Bull scooped me off of Krem’s lap and onto his shoulder with a booming, “Tama Fen! Drink with us!”

It was a terrible idea but I had a full stomach, a feeling of satisfaction at having avoided the conflict, and I was feeling pretty great. “Only if you’re paying!” 

Cheers went up and I was passed to Movran’s shoulder while Bull went to set up a tab. He wasn’t as broad as Bull, but I didn’t have to worry about being swept off by a horn if he turned his head. I chugged my first beer on his shoulder to the sound of cheers and then an admiring comment from Sera when I drained the whole thing in one go. It became a game of some sort to pass me around from shoulder to shoulder, never letting my feet touch the ground.

Bull won the arm wrestling with Movran and the next body I was placed on happened to be Solas’ lap. I was feeling halfway past buzzed and I grinned at him and planted a kiss on his mouth. “Solas! You drinking with us?”

“Not tonight.” He said with a touch of amusement. 

“Okay. Don’t let me take my shirt off.” I warned him as I was picked up by the waist and carried away. 

I was set on the Charger’s table and a tankard of something that made my eyes water was shoved into my hands. I blinked at it, then demanded one of the measuring cups from behind the counter. It was fetched for me and it was roughly shot sized. I poured a shot, knocked it back, and whooped as it burned all the way down.

It was three shots to finish the tankard and by the end of them… I was fully, completely, unapologetically day drunk. Or was it night? It didn’t matter. The Chargers taught me a drinking song that made me blush even as I belted out the dirty lyrics from atop their table. I was given another drink and taught a drinking song from the Avvar, which was harder as it was in a different language, but still catchy. 

I was high on life and qunari liquor when a chant started up from the gathered giants. They wanted me to sing and that sounded like fun! I stomped on the table and clapped my hands and launched into the first song that came to mind in my drunk state. “I am a man at war and I am fighting for all of the broken people, all of the people thrown overboard! They always tried to shame us but they don’t speak the language! No, we’re not nameless, we’re not faceless, we were born for greatness!”

“Whoah-oh! Somebody sound the alarm! A fire was set in the dark. It’s time that you know: No, we’re not nameless, we’re not faceless, we were born for greatness!” I was table dancing at this point, my drink in the air, and someone that looked suspiciously like Skinner up with me, her hands on my hips as we danced. 

“It doesn’t matter if the world has gone mad, if we just hold on, if we just hold on, yeah! The sky is falling and the world has gone mad and we sing our songs, and we just hold on, yeah!” My drink was taken from me and I occupied the empty hand by putting it to Skinner’s cheek. “So if you’re running, stop running. One life, one chance, start living! Sing it louder just to let the world know: No, we’re not nameless, we’re not faceless, we were born for greatness!” 

She bit at my hand playfully and spun me around, her hands still firmly on my hips and both of us still dancing as I sang at the top of my lungs to the delightful blur of giants clapping their hands in rhythm. “They say that I’m reckless because I’m relentless. They spit on my face and curse on my name, they’re taking my life in vengeance. Yeah, you can try and blame us and try to take what’s sacred but we’re not nameless, we’re not faceless we were born for greatness!”

The chorus was picked up quickly and the night devolved into a pleasant blur of singing, dancing, and hands keeping me from taking my tunic off even though it was really hot in the tavern. Someone kept asking me questions but I didn’t bother to answer them, instead trying to drag them into a dance. Why talk when you could dance?! 

Eventually I was picked up like a princess and carried off. I may have thrown up by that point.

I woke up to a full body ache. My muscles hurt, my stomach was rolling, my head hurt, and my mouth tasted like something had died in it. I whimpered and tried to sit up. I needed food and water, fast. Fingers went to my temples and the most blessed was of cool magic chased away a bit of the throbbing. Solas. He helped me sit up and lifted a glass of something to my lips. It was water mixed with a restorative potion. He helped me drink all of it and by the time it was gone I felt halfway able to speak.

“So. How bad was it?” 

“Your dancing looks like a nug struck by lightning.” Solas said softly. 

Fair enough. 

“Except when you are ‘grinding’.”

Oh shit. “Who?”

“Skinner, Dalish, Sera, the Avvar Auger, and Scout Harding. By the time you made it to myself I decided you had consumed enough drink.” 

I was still dressed, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. “Thank you.”

“Come, let us get you some breakfast.” He sounded amused. Way, way too amused.

“So…” I let him help me slowly to my feet. “When I got to you…”

“The Iron Bull had been trying all evening to pry answers out of you and you would simply try to get him to dance. You declared me the ‘woman of your destiny’ in song form.” 

“I... am a mortifying drunk.” I said in lieu of apology, wincing at the brightness of the sun spell. 

“That you are.” He helped me sit down by the cooking glyph and presented a bowl of scrambled eggs. “Somehow you have won the admiration and loyalty of the Avvar tribe. Movran tried to propose to you.” 

“I said no… right?” I tentatively asked around a mouthful of egg. 

“Indeed. And then you proceeded to propose to me no less than five times.” He sounded slightly pleased. 

“Huh. What did you say?” 

The tips of his ears flushed. “Eat your breakfast.” 

“I am. What did you say to my drunken proposals?” I narrowed my eyes at him.

He gave me a slight smile. “I said to ask me when you were sober.” 

Fair enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Fen sings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6enZdk9LTqs  
> Song mentioned that she sang: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JCLY0Rlx6Q


	27. Chapter 27

I was grounded to the Den due to my ‘shenanigans’. Solas went to his research, the pack scattered to their duties, and I worked on my knitting while Saam silently worked in the garden beds. Thom continued work on the definitely a chicken coop.

Around lunch time, my hangover was starting to ease and I was delighted to see Aelon come in with a tray of something that smelled heavenly. She set it in front of me and reached out to ruffle my hair and I smiled at her, then caught her wrist on some instinct. I turned my nose to her palm and sniffed and there… there was a trace of bird and Leliana. I looked at her, still holding her wrist as I ran through my memories of finding her. 

I looked for her because Adaar frightened her, because she had gone to the cabin with potions he could not drink. I found her while Threnn was yelling at her… after word had spread I was looking for her. The notes I had carried to each councillor after I claimed her… The next day Leliana had confronted me. I had assumed it was Solas… but…

Aelon glanced from my face to my grip on her wrist and her expression fell. She exhaled slowly and sat down and just… waited. 

“It was a set up.” 

She nodded but didn’t pull her wrist from my hand. Her eyes were fixed on the wolf charm on her wrist. I opened myself up and reached for Cole and Wisdom and they appeared a few seconds later. Cole wrung his hands anxiously. “Betrayal bitter burned banished. Took a job and learned to love and now it is lost.”

“You can choose.” I said softly. Cole had confirmed what I suspected. 

Aelon blinked away tears. “You… I didn’t know you when I was given the orders. I didn’t know you. You… you took me in and you protected me and… I’m so sorry.” 

“Aelon, you can choose.” I readjusted my hand so that I was holding her fingers instead of her wrist. “If you want to go to Leliana, that is alright. I won’t hold any grudges. If you want to stay, you’ll have to stop spying on us for her, but you can stay.” 

She stared at our joined hands and the tears fell. “I… haven’t been giving her real reports since we came to Skyhold. She… she’s been getting impatient with me.” She sniffled and then faced me. “If I have to choose between my job and the pack, the choice is simple. I want to stay in the pack. I can swear whatever oaths you need, I will take whatever punishments for the betrayal.”

“Oh sweetheart.” I pulled her to me and hugged her and she sobbed into my shoulder. “I’m not upset with you. You were doing your job, I just have to look out for the pack. And if you’re pack, you’re pack.”

“Home. Heart. Family. Pack. Together.” Cole murmured. “Little threads knitted together to make a whole stronger than alone.”

Aelon sniffed and pulled away to look at me. “I had to talk to her this morning. She thinks you’re going to start an elven rebellion. I told her you weren’t. I’m… not actually sure you aren’t going to, but I told her you weren’t.”

“Oh.” I facepalmed. “It was the song in the tavern, wasn’t it?” 

Aelon nodded. 

“I’m not planning on starting a revolution.” Planning on it anyway… things seemed to just… happen and I was courting the elvhen ‘god’ of rebellion. “What do you want to choose?”

“I’ll…” She stood up and straightened her clothes. “I will resign right now. I still have my cover job with Minaeve, so I won’t be bringing in quite as much to the pack, but I will still be able to contribute.”

I stood up, a bit stiffly from all the dancing and the lingering hangover, and hugged her again. “I’m glad we get to keep you. Do you need back up? Leliana can be a bit scary.” 

“I can handle it, Lady Wolf.” She shifted and then asked quietly. “Are you going to tell the others?”

“I will leave that up to you.” She needed to be able to tell the others on her own terms. 

She nodded and Cole hesitated before taking her hand in his. “I’ll go with you. So you’re not alone.” 

They walked to the steps and Wisdom curled around my ankles.  _ You do not begrudge her nor Leliana. _

“No.” I sighed and sat back down and let her curl up in my lap. “No, I don’t.” 

_ Do you ever wish you could go back to where it was simpler? _ She purred comfortingly as I ran my finger through her fur.

I thought about it carefully. “No… For one thing, it wasn’t actually simpler. It was just separated. I was privileged enough that I could go periods of time without thinking of all of the evil. I don’t have that luxury here, but I also can… at least it feels like I can do more about it.” I shrugged and rubbed her ears. “That’s just the selfish side of it anyway. I wouldn’t leave my people. Not even for toothpaste and escalators.” 

_ What of the people you left behind? _

“As far as I know… I’m comfortably dead to them.” I frowned down at her. “Where did that come from anyway?”

_ Curiosity. _ She gave me the mental equivalent of a shrug, and then hopped out of my lap.  _ Finish your gift. _

“Ma’am, yes, ma’am.” I saluted her mockingly but picked up the pair of fingerless gloves I was knitting for Fen’Harel. (After eating the grilled cheese sandwich Aelon had brought me.)

I was through with the sandwich and four rounds into the thumb gusset when Aelon returned and slumped into a pile next to me. I silently reached over and pulled her head into my lap. 

“How’d it go?”

“She smiled and thanked me for letting her know my loyalties had shifted.” She said quietly.

That… made me uneasy. I set my knitting aside and started petting her hair. “I think… you should have someone with you if you leave the Den for a while.” 

“Alright.” She let out a deep sigh. “She’ll try to place another.”

“I know. I’m being careful. I trust her with the Inquisition, but never with our pack.” Leliana, the Qun, I wouldn’t be surprised if one of Fen’Harel’s agents made a bid for my pack at this point. 

Onhalla came down the stairs and stopped in front of us, her arms full of papers and her eyes on Aelon in concern. “Are you alright?”

“I just resigned from my position as Leliana’s spy.” Aelon said quietly.

Onhalla’s eyes widened and she glanced at me, studying my expression before nodding with a slight shrug. “Alright. Let me know if you need any help finding a new job.” She juggled her papers and reached down to ruffle Aelon’s hair before looking at me. “The Inquisitor is due to return tomorrow. I brought down some of the things I wasn’t confident handling on my own for you to look through.”

“You both are amazing.” I said earnestly and pulled a paper from Onhalla’s stack to look over. 

The three of us worked over the papers together and I kept Aelon right next to me the entire time as the pack trickled in through the day and she quietly confessed to each of them. All of them looked at me, then where our arms were pressed together, and accepted in their ways. It was a little concerning how much they trusted my judge of her character. Solas and Dagna were the last to come down, both of them engaged in some discussion of technical magic that was way, way above my head. Solas gave me an absent kiss as he sat on my other side and my stomach fluttered at the honest sweetness of it. 

Amund had hunted our supper again, and as the pack talked and ate dinner together, I decided now was the perfect time to give him new hunting grounds. As soon as we all were done eating I stood up and dusted off my tunic. “I have something to tell all of you.” 

Terys stood and frowned. “Another dream, Lady Wolf?”

“You could say that.” I smiled at him and started walking towards the pools. “A wolf needs land to hunt.” 

The pack fell in behind me, the kids each grabbing an adult’s hand, Rasa on Lahnehn’s hip. Solas drifted to my side and I took his hand as we reached the hidden wall. I pressed my hand to it and spoke loudly enough for all of them to hear. “Sathan.” 

There were a series of gasps as the wall disappeared and revealed the tunnel. I shared a sly smile with Solas and began to lead them down. 

I had barely gone three steps before Thom suddenly shouldered forwards. “Pardon me, my lady.” He said gruffly, and then scooped me up. 

“All of you are a bunch of mother hens.” I said fondly and settled down to be carried to the valley. “Your beard still terrifies me.” 

He huffed a laugh and that was the last sound beyond the shuffling of feet through the steep tunnel. I heard a brief scuffle and peered over Thom’s shoulder to find Amund had picked up Maeva and Saam was carrying her crutches. She had a fondly exasperated expression on her face and shared a commiserating glance with me. 

“I intend to eventually figure out a cart and pulley system or something of the sort to make it easier to go up and down.” I assured her. 

We reached the other wall and Dagna hurried forward and furrowed her brow as she inspected it, then loudly said, “Sathan!”

She gasped and her hands fluttered when the wall disappeared. “It works for me!”

I was really, really happy it worked for non mages. I hadn’t had the chance to test it, but her curiosity took care of that. 

“Maker’s breath…” Thom whispered as he carried me out of the tunnel and into the valley. It was almost dark, but still light enough for human eyes to see how breathtakingly beautiful the valley was. He set me down and I drifted over to stand by Solas and watch my pack gape and look around. I was almost certain I saw a few tears quickly hidden. 

“This is ours.” I said firmly. “I want us to settle into it. Start growing things, building things. We can fit a lot of people here, keep them safe. And Amund,” He looked at me and I smiled. “The hunting has been untouched for many years in here.” 

“We can raise sheep.” Timothy whispered. “Sheep and flax and dyes…”

“And you can teach the children to spin.” Lahnehn said reverently as she set Rasa on the grass. “We can fit so many children…” 

“A school.” Aelon had her hand over her mouth. “A school, houses in the trees…” 

“Trees.” Saam was sitting on the ground, a tuft of grass twisted around her fingers. “We can plant fruit trees… Orchards and gardens.”

I slipped my hand into Solas’ in silent gratitude as I watched my pack speak of all the little dreams they had that were now possible. Jim and Ellas were trying to climb one of the nearby trees and Anise was braiding the tall grass and… this was ours. 

“Welcome to our valley.” I said softly. “We’re going to keep it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter because I spent too much time putting together (Meaning I was actually just Listening to an old playlist and thinking "Wow, this is Fen") a soundtrack for Fen: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3cLP6D4ERxYHJA8qtU82kO?si=NOfYm86GQGet3BNnE3Mpkw


	28. Chapter 28

“When are you going to ask me your riddle?” Fen’Harel asked as he flopped to the ground in a cloud of frost. 

I set aside my fade drawing and went to sit on top of him. “When I finish your gift. I’ll ask you to meet me in the valley.” 

“You found the spy.”

“Yes. Now I have to protect her from Leliana.” I sighed and buried my face in his fur. “I’m also almost certain one of yours is in my pack too, but I don’t mind that too much.” 

He tensed slightly under me and I jabbed him in the spine with my finger. The effect was muffled by all of the fur. 

“Well, now I’m certain and curious who it is. I bet it’s Rasa.” 

“I can assure you it is not the babe, but I will allow you to sniff them out on your own.” He said with a touch of amusement.

“I think you enjoy watching me flounder about trying to figure things out.”

“You do not flounder.” He said in a bewilderingly earnest tone. 

“Unless I’m dancing.”

“True.” He paused. “You seem unusually… complacent with the idea of one of my people in your ranks.” 

“Pack is pack.” I shrugged. “Also, I think trying to weed out your spies while I am also getting Fade cuddles from you seems a bit… extreme. As long as they are just as loyal to the pack as to you, it’s alright.”

“They are more… bodyguards than spies.” He admitted. “And at this point I am unsure if they are still one of mine.”

“It’s not Sa’nehn.” I wasn’t sure how I was so certain, I just was. 

“It is not any of the children.” He confirmed.

“How long does childhood last for an ancient elf?”

He stilled again, holding his breath for a second before exhaling. “One was not considered grown until their fiftieth year. I do not hold the same standards for the quickling elves.”

“Sometimes it’s easy to forget you think of me as a mistake.” I sighed into his fur.

His head lifted and he turned to look at me in defensive hurt. “I do not think of you as a mistake.”

“I’m a quickling elf, dear. Dust in the wind, here and gone, a mistake to be fixed.” I said dryly. “Bring back the slavers because they live longer than their escaped slaves.” 

“It is not simply a matter of mortality.” He said heatedly, starting to rise and the freezing when I started to slide off of his back. “This world is dying.”

“Dying? Or just different than what you expected?”

He was silent for a tense moment before letting out a frustrated growl. “Both. This world is dying, stripped of the magic that kept it alive, filled with remnants.”

“Of a society of slavers.” I sat up and glared directly into his giant red eyes. “A society built on the blood and suffering of people. And you think of us as less for having to battle for every scrap of freedom and survival for every moment of our short lives.” 

“The evanuris were gone, the elves should have-”

“Should have what? What do you think they could have done? What do you think they went through when their masters were taken and all that was left was a crumbling world? Their buildings fell, their pathways were broken, their friends were pulled apart and dying, the very  _ air _ had changed! How many do you think died when the magic was ripped out of them?” 

I was aware I was shouting at this point but this was a rant I had been holding in for a very long time. I slid off of his back and walked around to face him, hands on my hips. “All they knew was  _ gone, _ violently! They had nothing but broken chains and broken cities and while they were still scrambling to figure out how to survive in this new world, where their children grew old and died, more slavers came and killed and chained them and still they survived. They escaped, they fought, they  _ tried _ . The Dalish have a lot of things wrong but they have been fighting for every breath of free air. ‘We are the last of the elvhenan, and never again shall we submit.’ You don’t think that is worthy of respect? They have scraped together a culture despite repeated and continued genocide and oppression and you scoff at them because they don’t remember Andruil was a rapist and Falon’Din was a warmonger. News flash, Rebel Wolf, none of them were  _ alive _ at that point. Their history was purposefully and maliciously erased.”

He was staring at me in utter shock and I jabbed my finger at him. “I am a  _ person. _ Lahnehn is a person. Rasa and Terys and Thom and Amund and Dagna. We are people.” 

I was panting and baring my teeth at him. I was just. So. Angry. “Save the world if you must, but don’t doom the people while you’re at it because they were too busy trying to survive to build pretty cities.” I threw up my hands and turned to stalk away. Let him mull over that. 

I had barely gone three steps before a hand caught my arm and I was pulled to a very elvhen form, my face pressed to his chest by a gentle hand on the back of my head. All I had to do was look up to see his face. He hadn’t blinded me. “Sathan, don’t- Stay. Please.”

“I’m not leaving.” I sighed and pressed my face more firmly into his shirt, pointedly not looking up. “I’m angry and liable to keep shouting at you, but I’m not leaving.” I wrapped my arms around him and growled in frustration even as I hugged him. “You need to think about us as people before you destroy the world again.” 

“How do you  _ know _ these things?” He sounded torn between fear, shock, and indignation. 

“In another life you were the shadow I watched.” That was as close to an honest answer as I felt up to giving at the moment.

His arms tensed around me and I felt him swallow thickly before he sighed heavily and pressed his face to my hair. “Ir abelas, Vhenan. Ir abelas. Once again I have allowed my pride to blind me. I do not seek to restore the slavery or the atrocities. Only the air, the wonders of what this world could be.”

“The world is just an empty field without people.” I sighed and kept my arms tight around him. “I… have a lot of feelings and not enough chest to keep it in.” 

“I do not seek this people’s destruction, Vhenan.” He whispered quietly into my hair. 

“Don’t let the undying shadow of a once friend change that, Vhenan.” I whispered. “She has gone mad with grief of her own and another’s. To accept her is to be corrupted.” 

His arms trembled around me and we were quiet for a few moments before he spoke. “Give me the riddle, Vhenan. Please.”

“Tomorrow night.” I promised. “Meet me in the physical in the valley.” 

He sighed and kissed my hair. “Do you trust me?”

“Oddly enough, yes.” I kept my face in his shirt and waited for the darkness. 

My sight didn’t vanish immediately, instead he held me tighter as if afraid to let go. But eventually my sight dimmed and I was suddenly being kissed… desperately. I returned it with just as much aggressiveness. I was still angry, but I wasn’t casting him aside like he seemed to fear. 

He stilled and exhaled sharply, one hand still on the back of my head, the other twisted into the fade fabric of my shirt. “I am being woken.” 

“Meet me in the valley tomorrow, vhenan.” I reached up blindly for his face. “I’ll ask you my riddle.”

He nodded against my palm, and then poofed away. Still weird how that happened. 

And I was still angry. Though a bit of my anger felt… foreign. Not my own. I cautiously followed it and- 

“Oh. Hello, Rage.” 

It was a rage demon, there was no doubt about it. Molten lava, flames licking around it, but its form was more… bipedal. Almost elven. It roared at me, and I… I screamed back at it. Clenching my fists, baring my teeth,  _ screamed _ at it. It felt cathartic. It wavered and seemed to grow slightly before changing shapes so quickly I couldn’t process what it was shifting into. It spoke in a hissing growl. “You are angry.”

“Furious.” I conceded. 

“You accept it.” The rage demon felt… very old somehow. Like an anger passed on through the generations until it was as old and simmering as the earth. 

“Rage has its place and uses.”

It wavered and then swirled back into the flaming humanoid figure. “Would you accept me?”

“In the same manner as I do Wisdom, Cole, and Loyalty.” I hedged. 

It growled, angry, then I felt it concede. “Very well.” 

And then I was awake because my ears were ringing and my nose was burning with the smell of ozone. I clapped my hands over my ears and glared at the wavering in the air. Something fiery and insubstantial appeared, and then solidified… into a goose. I blinked at it. It was a very large goose, white and black speckled with a massive red beak.

“Rage?”

It hissed at me, raising its wings to inspect itself. 

“You’re… a goose.” I covered my mouth. “Oh gods, you’re a goose. That is… so perfect. That is a creature of rage if there ever was one.” 

The door flew open and Solas stepped in with his staff in his hand and he froze the second his eyes landed on Rage. I stifled a giggle and stood up and reached out to pet Rage’s head. It hissed at me but accepted the touch. 

“What.” 

“There was no question mark.” I said to Solas, then directed to Rage. “Did you remember to give yourself the ability to speak?”

Rage opened its beak and honked, then began flapping its wings and hissing angrily.

“I think that’s a no.” I nodded. 

“Fenenansal…”

“Solas.” I smiled innocently at him. “I made a friend. Meet Rage.” 

Solas looked down at Rage and it honked at him. “Vhenan… Rage is- why is it a goose?” 

“Have you ever met a goose? The things are practically made of spite, rage, and feathers. All of it backed up by wings capable of breaking bones.” I looked over Rage proudly. “Very territorial, protective, and angry. I like geese.”

“You like-” Solas ran a hand over his face. “You brought a rage demon across the veil…” 

“No, I just drew it to me with my burning fury over the oppression of underprivileged peoples. It brought itself across.” I glanced down at it. Its head came to my chest. “Do you do the mind thing?”

I felt it brush my mind and accepted.

_ I believed you would not accept a ‘demons’ contact. _

“You believed wrong.” I smiled at it, and then at Solas, who was staring at me in disbelief. “You look like you have never seen a goose, dear.”

He shook his head and he practically radiated exasperation. “Goose, yes. Rage in the form of said goose, no.”

“See something new everyday.”

_ You are angry with him. _

“Yes, but he isn’t supposed to know that right now.” I grinned when Solas gave me a sharp glance.

_ A game _ .

“Exactly. Come on, let’s meet the pack.” I petted Rage’s head again and headed for the door.

_ It makes you angry to think of anything happening to them. _

“Rage is an essential ingredient to protectiveness.” I agreed, pausing only to go on tiptoe to kiss Solas’ cheek as we passed him. 

Rage was a mixed bag of reactions at breakfast. The ones who had met a goose before were wary and bewildered, the ones who had not met a goose before were delighted. Rage absolutely adored Sa’nehn, claiming he was a blaze of directed rage. Sa’nehn pretended to hate Rage but I saw him slipping it pieces of his breakfast. Solas watched me with an expression of utter bafflement when I hugged Rage and called it a ‘sweet cobra bird’. 

Aelon and Terys decided they were going to stick together for the day, and Sa’nehn and Thom were, of course, with me. We all pressed our foreheads together in greeting, though Solas got another kiss from me, and then we separated for the day. Thom helpfully carried me up the stairs and Rage let out a truly impressive stream of honks and hisses as it struggled up the stairs. Its body was not exactly designed with stairs in mind.

I was fully and unapologetically laughing at it by the time Thom set me down in the Rotunda. Rage hissed at me and I hissed right back and it ruffled its feathers approvingly. Wisdom gave it the flattest cat glare possible and both of them hissed at each other before falling into step behind me. I may have started humming ‘Old MacDonald’ under my breath as I started getting things ready for Kost’s return in approximately three hours. Movran was in the main hall with the auger, and her eyes widened in shock the moment they landed on Rage. I grinned and waved at her as I headed for the kitchens.

Yeah, my tiny ass had two hold beasts. It was funny.

I was feeling pretty good with how smoothly Skyhold was beginning to run. People were working together pretty well and barely needed oversight anymore, which was great. All that was really needed was some things to be signed off, a few quarrels to settle, and a lot of ‘fuck you I’m the one in charge’s to the Chantry and various nobles. 

But all was in order and I was soon standing in the Courtyard with Rage, Wisdom, Thom, and Sa’nehn at my heels when Kost rode up. He slid off of his charger and strode up to me, bowing slightly. “Castellan.”

“Inquisitor.” I kept my chin up and my spine straight.

He grinned and grabbed me into a hug. “Fen!”

“Kost.” I laughed and tried to squeeze him. It was like hugging a boulder. 

He stiffened and whispered sharply. “Fen, why is the prisoner out and following you?”

I pulled back and patted him on the chest. “That is a can of worms we will be opening up and consuming in the War Room after you have had a bath.”

He grimaced at my choice of words, but nodded, glaring sharply at Thom. Then he looked down a little and sighed. “A goose?”

“His name is Rage. I love him.” 

Adaar muttered and raised his eyes skyward. “The bog unicorn all over again.”

“Oh, I also may have collected a few Avvar.” I grinned at him, then flapped my hands in a shooing gesture. “Go. Bathe. Have some hot food before the meeting.” 

He nodded and hurried off and I hugged Dorian and pulled him down to kiss him on the cheek and tell him there was a bath and expensive bath oils in his room for him. He made some adorably faux arrogant noises about washing the stench of the road from him but kissed my cheek before heading for his own bath. Cassandra got a more formal salute and a stern look when she glowered at Thom and opened her mouth. Rage opened his wings and hissed at her and she gave it an absolutely baffled look before shaking her head and moving off. 

Varric sauntered up to me with his eyebrows raised. “Fluffy… you get weirder every time I turn my back on you. A goose?”

“A goose, a cat, a prisoner, an Avvar Skywatcher, and an undead horse.” I listed. “Oh, I also got proposed to by an Avvar chieftain. You also missed out on me getting black out drunk and singing and dancing on top of tables.” 

“Damn.” He laughed, then made a slight grunting noise when I hugged him. “Fluffy… You are way too skinny.”

“I know. I’m working on fixing it. Go, relax, interview the Avvar for your no doubt scandalizingly erotic novel about my life.”

He chuckled but didn’t confirm or deny before heading for the main castle. I thought that probably meant he actually was. I decided to go ahead and pop over to say hi to Loyalty while I was in the courtyard and also to introduce Rage to it. Loyalty was delighted to see me, and I was delighted to see it. Rage and Loyalty, surprisingly, got on very well. Though I suppose it made a little sense. 

A very nervous runner found me while I was brushing Loyalty’s coat as far up as I could reach and discussing my plans for the evening with Sa’nehn while Rage and Wisdom communicated silently with each other. The runner eyes Loyalty and Rage uneasily before announcing from almost two yards away that I was expected in the War Room, and then fled. 

I took the long way to the War Room, going through the side entrance from the wall, through the ‘servant’s quarters’, got lost halfway there, and ended up glaring at a room that was definitely not the kitchen I had expected to see. I sighed and opened myself up, reaching to the stones for help. They responded faster than I had expected and I felt a sense of unease as they practically urged me along. Something was wrong. I started running, following the stones. 

I wheeled around the corner and felt my heart drop. Aelon was sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall, Terys over her and his hands pressed desperately to her bloody side. I moved, absently noting the bloody dagger on the ground beside her, and a very still form behind Terys. Not dead, but dormant. Unconscious. 

“What happened.” I could see the pain of the wound and started pressing my aura to it, forming it to a healing spell that I drew from the inside out. 

Aelon hissed. “I’m a loose end now. One of the Nightingale's came after me” 

“Damn it.” I felt my anger boil up and Rage hissed behind me. “You are  _ not _ a loose end. You’re my pack.” 

I finished the healing spell and gritted my teeth. She had hurt one of mine. I blindly snatched up the bloody dagger and turned to the stones. “Get her to the Den. I have to speak to the Spymaster.” 

There was a growl in my throat and my teeth felt too large for my mouth, like the wolf in me was clawing its way out fangs first.  _ How dare she _ . The stones led me where I needed to go and I followed them, Rage in my chest and at my heels. I stormed through the kitchens and the main hall and people scrambled out of my way. A thought and a reach and the doors to Josephine’s office few open before I reached them. I heard Sa’nehn close it behind me as I wrenched the door to the War Room open the same way.

Cullen and Josephine both paled and stepped back instinctively, but I ignored them, my eyes fixed on Leliana. She looked wary but composed and I stalked up to her and raised the bloodied dagger. She caught it easily, her fingers wrapping around the hilt and I stepped closer so the point touched my throat.

“If you distrust me, then deal with  _ me _ , Spymaster. Do. Not. Touch. My. Pack.” I bared my teeth at her, furious.

“You turned one of my assets against me.” She said sharply and I felt the tip of the dagger split skin.

“She is a  _ person _ , not an asset, not a loose end, not a pawn in your fucking Game!” I spat. “She is a person and I will not have you slaughtering people because you can’t make sense of me!”

“Castellan-” Leliana started but I cut her off with a growl. 

“No. Enough people die while just trying to live under the feet of your godsdamned Game players. Aelon is my friend, and my family, and she is a fucking person who decided to be honest with you rather than lie.” I leaned forward and felt my mana sparking angrily in my fingers. “You will not touch my people when your problem is with me. Decide.”

Her eyes searched my face sharply, the dagger just as deadly against my throat. “You would die for your people?”

“If it would keep them safe? Without hesitation.” 

Sa’nehn let out a distressed noise behind me. “Lady Wolf!” 

I held up a quelling finger, my eyes fixed on Leliana. “Decide. I will not have you hurting my people.”

She studied me for a long moment before nodding sharply and pulling the dagger from my throat. “Very well, Lady Wolf. I will inform Aelon she is safe from me.” 

“All of them, present and future, Leliana. All of them are my people.” I gritted through over large teeth. “Do not touch my pack.”

She inclined her head. “I understand, Lady Wolf.”

_ She will not harm yours. _ Rage said in furious satisfaction.

They were safe. The fury left me in a rush and I was left with Aelon’s blood sticky on my hands, the sting of a cut on my throat, and the shaky knowledge that I had been a hardened assassin’s whim away from death. Rage’s head snaked around between us and I turned and knelt on the floor in front of it, burying my face into the feathers of its back. Rage lifted its massive wings like a shield around me as I shook and started crying.

Wisdom wiggled into my arms and started purring and I focused on Rage’s wings and Wisdom’s purrs as I counted out my breaths. In-one-two-three-four. Good gods… I had been so close to dying. Hold-one-two-three-four. So close to losing Aelon. Out-one-two-three-four. But she was safe now. Hold-one-two-three-four. They were safe. 

I heard Rage hiss at someone over my head and Kost speaking in a quiet but angry tone. I kept my face in Rage’s feathers and held onto Wisdom until I was able to close myself off and a minute later, stop crying. My hands were still shaking, but I had work to do. I stood on wobbly legs and pressed a kiss to the top of Rage’s head. 

“Ma serannas, ma’falon.” I held Wisdom in my arms to hide my shaking hands and turned to the war table with my chin up.

Kost was leaning on the War Table, his eyes fixed on me with exhausted concern. Leliana was standing in the corner of the room, her hands behind her back and carrying the air of someone chastened. Josephine was staring at me with her hand over her mouth. Cullen was gripping the hilt of his sword, his jaw tight and his face pale. Sa’nehn and Thom both were by Rage, glaring at Leliana.

I gave them a wobbly smile. “I’m better now. Would you two mind going to check on Aelon? Terys took her to the Den and I have work to do.”

They both set their jaws mulishly but I shook my head. “She had her chance. Now we move on.” 

Sa’nehn lifted his lip in a snarl, but ducked his head. “Yes, Lady Wolf.”

I moved and kissed his cheek, whispering. “Tell Solas to calm down. I’m alright.” 

I wasn’t sure how he did it yet, but he had a habit of showing up wherever I was when I was distressed. Sa’nehn nodded curtly and grabbed the back of my head to press our foreheads together firmly. “Pack.”

“Pack.” I agreed. “Go on now. I’ll come down when we’re finished.” 

Sa’nehn reluctantly pulled away, grabbing Thom’s arm and pulling him along and out of the War Room. I waited until the door closed behind them, still mentally measuring my breaths, before looking at Cullen. “Relax.”

He started, then deliberately flexed and loosened his jaw and fingers. 

“I’m sorry for scaring you again.” I offered lamely before finally facing Kost. “So… um. What did you need me for?” I set Wisdom down on the war table and started carding my fingers through her fur. Rage moved up beside me and tucked its head against my side.

Kost stared at me for two counts of breath before exhaling sharply. “For fucks sake, Fen… What was that?”

“I found one of my pack bleeding out in a secluded hallway. I got angry.” 

“You were on fire.” He said in disbelief.

Oops. “I was angry.” 

“You were- Fen, you were terrifying.” He said a touch hysterically. “You were on fire and you had teeth! Wolf teeth! And a goose!”

I winced. “He’s my emotional support goose?”

“Emotional…” Kost stared at me incredulously before abruptly bursting into laughter. He bent over and put his head on the table, still laughing. “I thought they were pulling my leg. ‘Fen broke into the prison and stole the prisoner’. ‘Fen’s eyes glow when she’s angry’. ‘Fen was singing about starting revolutions in the tavern’. ‘Fen rode out of Skyhold and came back with a horde of barbarians’.”

“Avvar.” I corrected, feeling a little embarrassed. 

_ Your anger is quieter, but you are still angry. _

“There’s a lot wrong in the world.” I murmured and pet Rage’s head. “And I am very small.” 

Kost’s shoulders slumped and he lifted his head from the table. “Crestwood was terrible. I was expecting it to be terrible because you… you were so upset, but it was terrible. The lake floor…” He trailed off with a haunted expression.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” I said quietly. 

“We caught the Mayor.” Kost ran a hand over his face. “Because you- we caught him, which leads us to the problem of: apparently you have moral issues with the state of Skyhold’s prison and are willing to commit arson to prevent people from being subjected to it.” 

True. I fidgeted, threading my fingers through Wisdom’s fur as I tried to decide if I had enough emotional energy for another rant. Cullen sighed. “I already conveyed your concerns, Castellan.” 

“Thank you, Commander.” 

Josephine hesitantly stepped forward with a nervous glance between me and Leliana. “The Inquisitor had decided to judge both Thom Rainier and the former mayor of Crestwood today.”

I felt my heart sink into my stomach. I knew… I knew this was coming but it still felt like loss. I nodded and focused on Wisdom’s fur. She was reading the map markers. There was a marker over the Western Approach.

I cleared my throat. “Who… who was it? The man in the cave?”

There was a lengthy silence that I rode out with my eyes firmly on Wisdom’s fur. Kost finally spoke. “A Grey Warden named Stroud.” 

I nodded. That meant Loghain was dead and Alistair was king. Funny the things you don’t think to ask. 

“Is he significant?”

“A choice, a sacrifice to fear. A slowly dying man or the last of the hawks.” I shook my head, feeling very, very awful. “It’s not close.”

“You know about the Wardens?” Leliana asked.

“Thirty years till the Call.” 

She exhaled sharply. “That is a closely guarded secret.”

“Many things are secret, many that should not be. Swollen forms in the deep, breeding and brooding and they still send the dying women down to keep their song of sin’s curse pure.” I braved a look at her. All of the blood had drained from her face. 

“How do you sleep with such things in your dreams?” Leliana asked with the slightest waver of her voice. 

“Well. That is a lovely, ominous conversation that only two in the room seem to understand.” Josephine said with forced lightness. 

Kost sighed tiredly and rubbed the back of his neck before leaning on the table and looking at me. “Thom. Is he yours now?”

“He could be.” I admitted. “I… have been avoiding… that since I knew you hadn’t judged him yet.” I focused on scraping some of Aelon’s blood off of the back of my knuckles. “He built a chicken coop for my kids, but he isn’t pack.”

“He built a…” Kost gave me the most adorably befuddled expression. “You broke a murderer out of prison and somehow got him to build chicken coops?”

“And garden beds and a table.” 

“I feel like you gave me a tidy loophole to hang myself with, Fen.” 

“I wouldn’t do that to you.” I said earnestly. “Yes, I’m fond of him, but I purposefully didn’t make him pack just so you wouldn’t have to-” I shook my head and closed my eyes, feeling very, very exhausted. “I will respect your judgement, Inquisitor.” 

Kost was quiet for a moment and I could see him trying to come to a decision on how to continue. “He was ready to kill in defense of you, Fen.”

I may have laughed a little hysterically, because of course Thom had jumped to my defense while I was having a panic attack into a goose demon. “I don’t- I don’t know what you want me to say, Kost.”

“Do you trust him?”

Oh. I started to consider that but… I had already answered it when I took him to the valley, when I rode him out of Skyhold on a fresh horse and unbound to meet the Avvar. I nodded. 

He nodded and gave a small smile. “That’s all I wanted to know.” He paused then jerked his chin towards the door. “Josie has had everything set up while we talked. Go on, we’ll be out in a few minutes.”

My heart was in my throat as I gathered Wisdom up into my arms and turned for the door. I was almost to it when Kost spoke again. 

“I’m sorry.” 

I looked back at him in puzzlement.

“For… Aelon. I- it shouldn’t have happened. We don’t operate like that.” The last bit he sent pointedly at Leliana. 

I gave him a smile, relieved to hear him say it. “Thank you, Kost, but that wasn’t your fault. She’ll be alright.” I glanced at Leliana and gave her a slight smile and a head tilt. “Spymaster.” 

“Castellan.” She said evenly.

I left the war room with Wisdom in my arms and Rage at my side and I felt… utterly exhausted when I found a small crowd gathered in the main hall, and to the side of the stage, Thom in shackles and guarded next to the man I recognized as the Mayor of Crestwood. It… it hurt to see him like that. Solas appeared, silent and composed next to me, though his jaw was tight as he took Wisdom from my arms and set her down on the ground. Subtle blue magic washed over my hands and Aelon’s blood disappeared as he took my fingers in his. His eyes were hard as he looked me over, and then he lifted one hand and rested it on my throat, his thumb stroking across the hollow in a wash of healing magic.

“We came to an understanding.” I said softly. “It will not happen again.” 

“You took a great risk, gambling on her mercy.” He said quietly, his thumb still resting in the hollow of my throat and his eyes fixed where his hand rested. 

“I meant it. I will do what I have to to protect my people.” I reached up and covered his hand with my own. “And now they are safe from her.” 

_ He is angry. _ Rage said, his head snaking forward to inspect Solas.  _ At you and her. _

“That’s understandable.” I said to Rage, then to Solas. “You’re angry at me for putting myself in danger. You’re angry at Leliana for hurting me... Hopefully also for hurting Aelon.” 

He gave a single sharp nod, his eyes still fixed on my throat. I wondered if the dagger had left a scar. I said his name quietly until his gaze flicked to my eyes. “Solas, I’m sorry. I was angry and acted recklessly, but I don’t regret protecting my people.”

He exhaled sharply and dropped his eyes back to his hand on my throat. His lips parted to speak, but the door opened behind me. Solas looked over my shoulder, his face impassive, before his hand dropped from my neck and he inclined his head politely as he stepped to the side. “Inquisitor.” 

A heavy hand rested on my shoulder and I reached up and patted Kost’s hand. “Good luck, Kost.” 

“You need to eat more.” He said quietly. I had the impression he and Solas were having a stare off.

“I’m working on it.” I reassured him. “Go on.”

Kost sighed and moved to the throne and I stepped to the side to allow the councillors to file out. Also, coincidentally, to press my shoulder against Solas’ arm. Leliana paused when she came out and glanced over the two of us before inclining her head. “It will not happen again, Castellan.”

“Thank you, Spymaster.” I gave her a smile. A tired one, but earnest. 

She nodded and prowled away and I felt my knees start to shake again, this time in exhaustion. My mana reserves were low, my adrenaline was crashing, and I was just… tired. Solas’ arm went around my waist, supporting me. “I assume you wish to wait for Thom’s judgement?”

I nodded and he sighed and muttered in elvhen, but kept supporting me. Wisdom curled around my ankles.  _ He said that you care too much _ . 

“I’d do the same for you, vhenan.” I murmured. Josephine was running through the Mayor’s crimes on the stage. I had to look away from the sight of the man kneeling in chains. The image burned in my stomach and Rage hissed quietly beside me. 

His arm tightened around me and I felt a tremor run through his body. “I know.”

He said that oddly significantly, but I was too tired to try and parse it out. The Mayor was exiled and led away and I gave Thom a sad smile as he was dragged forward to the sound of Josephine’s voice. He gave me a nod and I forced myself to watch as he was made to kneel in front of the Inquisitor’s throne. Kost looked at me with an unreadable expression, but his black eyes were as soft as ever as he looked back to Thom and… pardoned him. 

Oh. My breath rushed out of me in a near sob of relief. Solas held me up and a moment later Thom appeared in front of me, his face slack with relief and concern.

“My lady?”

“It’s good to…” I inhaled and gave him a teary smile. “It’s good to see you free, Thom.”

“It’s good to be free.” He said quietly. He frowned down at me. “You need a nap.” 

I nodded and then Solas hooked an arm under my knees and lifted me up princess style. I put my arms around his neck and ignored the murmurs of the small crowd. “Come to the Den, Thom.”

I laid my head on Solas’ shoulder, exhausted and relieved, and I fell asleep before we had even left the main hall. 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There be smut ahead, if that's not your thing, just skip from the asterisks to the asterisks

I woke in time for supper and Aelon came up to me and pressed her forehead against mine silently the moment I staggered out of the pack’s room. I sat by the cooking glyph and Rage waddled up and settled next to me as one by one, the pack came up and silently pressed their foreheads to mine. It felt… significant. Thom approached me last, shifting like he wanted to kneel but knew I wouldn’t like it. 

“Lady Wolf, I…” He trailed off uncertainly.

“Did you talk to the others?” I asked and accepted the bowl of stew that Saam pushed into my hands.

Thom nodded and held out a bracelet with one of the wolf charms on it. “You are the last one I need to speak to.” 

I propped the bowl into my lap and reached for the bracelet, then fixed it around his wrist. “Then welcome to the pack, Thom Rainier.” 

He exhaled sharply, then did drop to one knee only so he could reach to tentatively press his forehead against mine. “Thank you, Lady Wolf.”

“We’re pack now.” I grabbed the back of his head and pressed our foreheads firmly together, then let him go with a grimace. “The beards still weirds me out.” 

He laughed and moved back so that Solas could take his preferred place beside me. I still felt tired but I ate and I listened to the pack’s subdued chatter. Sa’nehn seemed suddenly okay with Thom, which I guess fit with his ‘humans are okay as long as they’re pack’ viewpoint. Solas was quiet and according to Rage, still angry, though it was directed in a vague outward direction rather than at me and Leliana. 

Three bowls of stew later, I was feeling awake enough to maybe head down to the valley. I stood up and patted Rage’s head when he started to rise as well. “You stay up here for now. I have to go meet someone.” I glanced at Sa’nehn when he moved to his feet. “Alone. We’re the only ones who can get into the valley.” 

“There could be wolves.” He argued. 

I raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him and he deflated and grumbled under his breath. I kindly did not call him out on his language. I really had no fucking place to scold him over swearing anyway. 

I caught the significant look Sa’nehn shared with Solas and had to shove my face into a composed expression to keep from laughing. I would bet Solas comes after me. I went into the pack’s room, picked up the gloves I had been knitting and shoved them into my pocket. I ruffled Aelon’s hair as I passed her on my way to the valley path, and then had to cross my arms at Wisdom. “No. Alone.”

She flicked her tail in irritation but moved to go sit pointedly beside Rage and glare at me. I flipped her off and felt a brush of amusement as I asked the tunnel for entrance and started my way down. The path was as steep as ever, but I apparently was getting a little stronger as my shins didn’t hurt as badly by the time I reached the bottom. I did a little self check and grinned before reaching for the part of me that ‘clicked’ and shifted into my wolf form. I was still too skinny.

I trotted away from the tunnel entrance and explored a little bit until I found a nice, soft grassy area shielded by trees. Perfect. I sat on my haunches, raised my nose to the sky, and  _ howled _ . Howled for home and heart. Vhenan. I shifted back into my elf form and waited. 

It wasn’t too long before I felt the foreboding, shadowed presence of Solas moments before Fen’Harel’s massive wolf shape slipped into view between the trees. I smiled at him. “I’ve had a hell of a day, vhenan.”

He made a chuffing noise that might have been laughter and stood over me, ducking his massive head to nudge the side of my face with his cold nose.  _ The riddle _ .

“Impatient.” I scolded, but pushed myself to my feet to face him. I studied him for a long moment, feeling… dread and anxiety. This was it. This was the point of no return.

I inhaled bracingly. “What did the note from the future say?”

Fen’Harel’s eyes all closed in what I would swear was relief, and then in a mind bending swirl of magic, Solas was standing in front of me, his hands behind his back and his posture straight and constrained. “It was a veil fire rune.” He said softly. “A memory.”

“Vague and unhelpful.” I said just as softly, teasing lightly.

“I’ve been known to be.” The corner of his mouth quirked in amusement before he fell serious. “It was a memory of you dying for me. Trying to free me.” 

I nodded. That made sense. He exhaled sharply and looked away. “You… simply accept that you would.”

“I’ve been known to do that.” I said and took a half step towards him. “And at the end of the world, freeing Fen’Harel seems like as valid of a plan as any.”

He startled and narrowed his eyes. “How long have you-” He sucked in a breath and then started laughing ruefully. “Ah. That is why you feared me. Refused to speak to me and avoided me.”

“Mmhmm.” I agreed and took another step towards him. We were only maybe a handbreadth apart now. “I also know that the very pretty, very fluffy Ser Wolf is you.”

His eyes widened and he blushed. “You- but I-”

“Played fetch with me.” I grinned up at him. “It was one of the best days of my life. You also wore a sweater vest for me.” 

His blush deepened but he was looking at me with a quiet sense of wonder. “You… No wonder you ran from me when you saw your face.” 

“It was a little bit of a shock.” I admitted. “I didn’t even know your vallaslin existed, I didn’t know how I had gotten it, and I had only been an elf for a couple of months. It was all a bit disorienting.” 

He didn’t seem too surprised by my claim I had only been an elf for a few months. Instead he looked thoughtful as he cautiously lifted his hand and set it on my cheek. His thumb stroked along the line of my cheekbone. “You do not know who marked you?”

“No. I was comfortably dying in a healer’s bed and then I was waking up in an elf body in the middle of the aftermath of a catastrophe.” 

His eyes flicked to mine in concern and his other hand rested on my hip. I put my hands on his waist in return.

“I really haven’t had much time to ponder it, Fen’Harel.” I shrugged slightly. “I woke up and there was a man bleeding so I helped, and I didn’t stop helping, and now here we are.” 

“Of course.” He sounded slightly exasperated as he shook his head and looked at me with a small smile tugging at his lips. “I suppose I should have known that you knew all along. Tell me, would you have courted both the Dread Wolf and Solas if you had not?”

I shrugged. “Probably… there’s no way of knowing for sure as I already knew.”

“There were two extra cups in your cabin.” 

I nodded. “Yeah. Speaking of courting, however.” I pulled my hands from his waist to dig out the gloves from my pocket. “I couldn’t make them with magic, for reasons you know, but I made these with my hands for you.” 

Solas looked at the gloves in my hands with an expression of wonder and when he took them it was with a tender reverence. His thumb passed over the soft wool and when he looked at my face his eyes glinted in the moonlight. “Ask me again.”

“You never answered me the first time.” I pointed out. I knew the gifts were Significant. 

“You were drunk.”

“Not in the stables.” I raised my eyebrows and tucked my hands behind my back. 

Solas frowned slightly before understanding lit his face. “Pala!” He moved and was suddenly kissing me… hard. “Yes.” He kissed me again. “You frustrating.” Another kiss. “Infuriating woman.”

I slotted my leg between his and kissed him back and then he froze and pulled back to glare at me. “You… you knew! When I- We could have been…”

I grinned at him and nodded. “I knew why you wanted to wait, yes.” 

“Fenedhis.” He growled, actually growled in frustration. 

“Not that fond of wolves.” I couldn’t help it, a flustered Solas was an amazing sight. 

“Shut up and kiss me.” He sighed, and I happily complied. He was an amazing kisser, and soon I was pulling him to the ground on top of me. He let out a shaky breath and broke the kiss to ask, “I thought you preferred being on top, Tarlen’Fen.”

“I also enjoy being contrary. Shut up and fuck me, if you would be so kind.” I punctuated the request with a hip roll that made him groan.

“I can accommodate that.” He said, rather breathlessly. 

*

*

*

He started pulling at the hem of my tunic at the same time I started pulling at his, and we ended up in a tangle of arms and fabric that made me laugh softly even as I mouthed at the line of his jaw and wiggled out of my shirt. 

“I’m so glad I’m not allergic to grass anymore.” I muttered as I turned and spread my shirt out on the ground. I turned back to find Solas shirtless, which… I knew there was muscle under those layers but Dayum. He was a study of lean muscle and I made a very pleased humming noise as I leaned forward to trace the cord of his shoulder muscle with my tongue. He shuddered and his hands skimmed over the skin of my sides as he mouthed at the line of my ear and I couldn’t help a whimper at the heated sensation along the sensitive flesh. 

Elf ears were sensitive and I followed the thought by turning my head and nipping at his own ear. He let out a sharp gasp and then shoved me onto my back and began working me out of my breeches. I laughed again, feeling giddy and excited as I toed my boots off moments before he yanked the fabric down my legs. He had a desperate edge to his movements even as he gently ran his hands over my hips and thighs and looked at me with his lips parted, almost like he couldn’t believe I was there under his fingers. 

I normally wasn’t much for passive sex, but he seemed a little… overwhelmed so I propped myself up on my elbows and laid there under his eyes and waited for him to finally slide his hands to the inside of my thighs, nudging them apart with a gentle, ‘may I?’. 

“Vin.” 

Still he hesitated, his fingers flexing on the sensitive flesh of my inner thighs. He licked his lips and I hooked a leg over his hip and twisted, knocking him over onto the ground. He let out a shocked laugh and I straddled his legs and hooked my fingers over the waist of his leggings. “May I?” I raised my eyebrows and grinned with too much teeth.

He nodded and there was a smirk playing around his mouth that quickly turned into an open mouthed moan when I pulled his leggings down and then licked a line up his length. I grinned at him and took him into my mouth and sucked and he curled up off of the ground and clutched at my head with a gasp. “Fen- It…” He trailed off, his eyes dark and his mouth open when I hollowed my cheeks around his dick and then pulled off with a pop.

“Vhenan?” I asked, resting my chin on the cut of his hip. 

He collapsed back onto the ground and closed his eyes, grabbing the base of his dick in the tell tale sign of a man trying not to come too soon. I bit at his hip and then he was moving, knocking me back over onto my own back and biting gently at my shoulder, my breast, up to my throat, gathering my hands into his and pinning them above my head. He exhaled sharply and gave me a grin of his own. “It has been a while. Give me a moment.” He said in a strained tone, and then the fingers of his other hand were slipping between my legs in exploration and it was my turn to throw my head back and gasp. 

I felt him shift and shove his leggings off, and then his long fingers searched out the motions that sent heat curling through my belly until I was straining pleasantly against his grip on my wrists and the knee he was using to pin my leg down. He deftly brought me so, so close to orgasm, and then, the fucking trickster he was, he pulled his hand away and swallowed my frustrated groan in a kiss.

I yanked my wrists against his grip and broke the kiss to bite at the line of his jaw and his ear. He shivered above me as I pressed my lips to the sensitive line of his ears. “Solas, pala em. Sathan.”

He let out another actual growl at my request and in a quick, sudden movement, released my hands only to pick me up by my hips and thrust into me in an abrupt, shocking bolt of pleasure that speared through my spine and had me scratching at the corded muscles of his shoulders as I tried to breathe past the overwhelming  _ heat _ of him inside me. He didn’t give me a moment to adjust, instead fucking into me in quick, desperate strokes that left me breathless and chanting his name between curses. 

Neither of us lasted long. Solas came inside me with a full body tremble and a bitten off curse, and I came around him with a cry when he reached between us to roll my clit between his fingers. He braced himself above me on his elbows and tucked his face into my throat, breathing heavily as I held onto him and rode out the aftershocks. 

*

*

*

Eventually he sighed into my neck. “Forgive me… I did not mean to spend within you.” 

“I have a tea.” I reassured him, running my hands up the muscles of his back in long strokes.

He shifted up onto one elbow and splayed a hand over my lower stomach as he countered. “I have a spell.”

“Oh, yes, definitely.” Magic sounded a lot more reliable than herbs. I couldn’t help but reach up and put a hand on the side of his face and just… smile at him. I felt floaty and relaxed and happy. “I’ll want to learn it.”

“Of course.” He smiled and turned his head to press a kiss to my palm before tracing a complicated glyph onto my lower stomach that flared and then sank into my skin in a tingling sensation that had me squirming. “I believe this counts as ‘practical’ magic.”

“Yeah, definitely.” I laughed and leaned up to kiss him. “I’m definitely a bit of a hearth witch.” 

He smiled and moved off of me to retrieve my breeches, helpfully brushing them out before handing them to me. “Your hearth is larger than most, I believe.”

“That sounds suspiciously like a compliment.” I shimmied into my clothes, feeling loose kneed and satisfied.

“It could be construed as one.” He gave me a smirk.

We fell silent for a minute as we finished pulling our clothes on. I saw him gently stroke the gloves with a wondering expression before sliding them onto his hands and just… looking at them. I walked up to him and slid my arms around his waist from behind. “So… what is the significance of ‘made by hand and magic’?” 

He sighed and I pressed my cheek to his back. “Of course you did not…” He turned in my arms to hold me. “It is… an old Arlathan courting ritual. You would create an object with your own hands and magic and present it to the object of your desire. The more elaborate and complex the item, the more likely for the other to accept your suit.” 

“And I just made you a bracelet.” Then I realized. “You accepted it, even then.”

“At first… it was curiosity.” He admitted. “I was unsure if you knew what you were doing, or if you did, why you would do such a thing while obviously terrified of me and carrying my vallaslin.” 

That probably had felt like a trap to him. 

“I thought perhaps it was an elaborate trap being set. In Arlathan I was known for a particular weakness for… spirited women. Then you… Then I received the memory of you…” He exhaled sharply and his arms tightened around me. However I had died in that memory had not been pleasant. He continued his explanation. “The next step in the rituals of courting would be an exchange of favors. You… seemed to accept my teaching elvhen to you as a favor and returned it with your voice.” 

“I was throwing all sorts of mixed signals in your direction.” I said apologetically. 

“It was… a fascinating puzzle.” 

Fair enough. “What next? I’m really hoping I courted you properly, even if unknowingly.” 

He huffed a laugh into my hair. “Next would be a feat of trust. In Arlathan, this step was mostly performance. But I… At Haven’s fall I came to you in my most feared form and you…”

“Said I trusted you.” 

“Yes. But that was more my own-” He shook his head. “You brought me to your den, you slept in my bed, you used the spell I gave you, and then you publicly acknowledged me by first accepting my shirt and then kissing me in the courtyard of Skyhold.” 

“I knew Significant things were afoot.” I muttered into his chest. “I’m glad I courted you halfway properly at least.”

“Truly… I find that it is more valuable to me that you did it unknowingly. That the rites of so long ago were instinctive on your part. There was no artifice in them. You were not given direction, everything done was of your own will.” 

“That is how I roll, Dread Wolf.” 

I felt him smile into my hair before pulling back to look down at me with a soft expression. “It truly does not bother you?”

“Accidentally courting you? Or you being called the god of rebellion? Because I’m fond of rebellions. One could even say I’m a bit of a punk.” I said dryly. 

“My plans to bring down the veil.” He said instead of laughing as I hoped. 

“You did say that it was necessary to keep the world from dying.” I sighed. “And you don’t lie. Mislead, divert, evade, but never lie. And I’ve heard you describe the world without the veil and it sounded… beautiful.” 

Solas’ face fell and I could see a heavy weight settle over him. “Vhenan, I- this was selfish of me.”

“Oh, no you don’t!” I pulled back and glared at him. “You’re not fucking and leaving me. Uh-uh. You’re about to spout something about the path of death, I can’t remember the elvhen translation, but hun, I’m mortal. Death is just… part of life. It happens. You don’t stop living because it will eventually end.”

Solas looked as if I’d slapped him but quickly shook his head and pulled me back into his arms in a crushing hug. “No, I did not- ir abelas, I…”

“Look. I get that expecting things to end is probably… really weird and strange and unsettling for you, but I’ve spent most of my previous life knowing I was going to die early, and this one… Death happens. It’s natural, it comes for us all.” I poked him in the ribs. “Some slower than others. I don’t… shy away from it. I’d rather grab the moments of happiness I can, change what I can while I can. Please don’t deny me that because you’re afraid I’m going to die, it happens no matter what.” 

His eyes closed tightly and his finger dug almost painfully into my skin. “That is not- vhenan. Your death is not the only thing I fear.” His voice went to a quiet, near desperate whisper. “When the Veil falls… I will-“ he paused and breathed as if forcing himself to continue. “The evanuris are not dead. When the Veil falls I must face them. I cannot allow them free rein over the world in its vulnerable state. I will die.” 

“But it doesn’t have to be alone.” I said softly. “I know I’m small and fragile, but I am, at heart, a punk. No kings, no queens, no lords, no masters.” Against my better judgement, I added a joke. “I will happily stab Andruil with a knitting needle.” 

He closed his eyes and shook his head but he had a fondly exasperated smile on his lips. “That I do not doubt, Tarlen’fen.” He bent and kissed me, gently but desperately. “Do not throw your life away. Promise me? The world would be far too dim without your light.”

“I can’t promise that.” I winced. “I will do whatever I have to to protect my people. Sometimes that’s stealing your castle, sometimes that’s yelling at assassins, sometimes that’s learning birth control spells.”

He let out the most weary sigh I had ever heard and he pressed his forehead to mine. “Stubborn, impossible ‘punk’.” 


	30. Chapter 30

Solas and I spent all night curled up in his room. He seemed reluctant to let me go and I was happy to oblige. I also discovered Tricksters really do have Silver Tongues. He taught me the contraceptive spell in the dark of his room, tracing the pattern with his hand over mine until I had it memorized. Apparently it had to be reapplied after every period, and that it was one of the first spells that ancient elves learned when they were young. It made me very, very curious what other hearth magics had been lost and he happily told me stories of lost magics until I fell asleep.

First thing I did in the morning, over breakfast cooked on magical glyphs, was teach Saam and Lahnehn both the contraceptive glyph. Amund watched in fascination as they practiced until Solas confirmed they had it right, and then performed it on everyone with a uterus in the Den. Even Dagna, who was curious and excited about the new glyph. She and Solas fell into conversation about glyphs and were still speaking rapidly when I got ready to get to work.

Thom carried me up the stairs out of the Den in the morning, which totally wasn’t necessary any more, but he and Amund actually had an argument over who got to do it this morning and I didn’t have the heart to say no after that. Rage took the garden entrance because the ramp was easier for his goose legs. Thom set me down at the top so I could step through the wall, and when I did, I had to stifle a groan at the sight of Vivienne and Fiona both sitting stiffly on Solas’ couch. I stepped out of the notice me not ward and they both stilled as if hiding the fact that they had been startled. 

I put my hands on my hips and just… looked at them. “I will not submit to a harrowing.”

Fiona blinked but Vivienne just tilted her head. “Whyever not, dear? All-”

“I am an outspoken, attractive elf. I refuse to put my life and autonomy in the hands of a templar.” I interrupted her. “I will not submit to a harrowing.” 

“You frightened a lot of people yesterday.” Vivienne said cooly.

I stared at her for a moment before shrugging. “You, Fiona, Dorian, and Movran’s auger.” I paused, then added. “And Solas and Cassandra. All of you can do whatever tests you think are necessary, in public, to assure you all that I am not possessed.”

“Why these people specifically?” Fiona asked curiously.

“A loyalist mage, a rebel mage, a tevinter mage, an Avvar mage, an apostate mage, and a Seeker. If all of you can agree that I’m not possessed, I think that would settle the question from all sides, yes?”

Vivienne gave me an approving glance. “I would believe so.” 

“Excellent. I’ll allow the two of you to set that up, but-” I held up a finger. “I see a single templar or ex templar in there, I will not cooperate. And yes, that includes the Commander.”

“Very well.” Fiona said and stood.

I gave her a nod and went to go find Rage and Wisdom. This was going to suck. 

“What are they trying to do?” Sa’nehn asked quietly as we walked. 

I made a disgusted noise. “I apparently frightened a few people yesterday.”

“You do have a temper.” Thom said in an overly thoughtful tone.

I grinned at him and shoved the door of the garden open. 

Rage was a ruffled mess of well… rage, when I found him. He was all puffed up and beating his wings threateningly at Mother Giselle, while Wisdom sat calmly behind him, though her ears were laid back and her tail was lashing irritably. 

_ She was trying to cross the ward. _ Rage hissed.  _ She failed. Of course. _

I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow at the Chantry Mother. “Have you taken to harassing geese as well as mages?” 

“These… beasts should not be allowed in the gardens.” Giselle said with a surprising amount of poise for someone faced with a giant, angry goose. “It is not a fitting place.”

“You obviously don’t know much about gardening.” I laughed and walked up to Rage and smoothed a hand down his neck feathers. “Geese and cats are very, very good for the health of a garden. They both deter...” I gave her a very polite smile. “Pests.” 

“I see.” Her eyes narrowed but she smiled pleasantly. “May the Maker guide you.” 

“And may Hel keep you.” I returned just as pleasantly. “As a piece of friendly advice, try not to irritate the goose. They tend to be very territorial.” 

She pressed her lips together and left the garden and I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at her back. I turned to Rage. “Thank you. Would you mind keeping an eye on the garden today? I have some unpleasant stuff to do today and I’d feel better if I knew you were keeping them on their toes.” 

_ The Dread Wolf rages. _

“Oh, I bet. I’m pretty upset myself.” I admitted. “But I will not be harrowed.” 

I paused with my mouth open as I realized… I had spirits… I could theoretically cure the Tranquil in Skyhold… 

I sat down on the grass as Cole poofed into being next to me, wringing his hands anxiously. “He wanted to die.”

“He wanted to die rather than be branded again.” I countered shakily. “I wouldn’t let that happen. They would be protected… safe from possession and imprisonment and torture… they… calming draughts, time to learn to deal with emotions again. It would just be like a traumatized child. They would need help. Compassion.” 

Cole tilted his head and stared at me with his pale blue eyes. He looked less sunken than when I had first met him. “They would hurt.”

“They could heal.” 

_ Spirits old enough to not attempt to possess them are rare. _ Wisdom said, more thoughtful than countering in tone.

“As old as you and Rage?”

Her tail flicked in thought and I gathered the impression that the three spirits were communicating between themselves. I waited patiently, only to startle with a shriek when a heavy hand landed on my shoulder. My magic shimmered out of me defensively and I scrambled away, the threat of templars and what they did heavy on my mind and spiking panic through me. 

“Huge, heavy, hating, ringing with poison in mind and in blood, taking, using, controlling, breaking.” Cole suddenly shoved his face in front of mine, cold hands resting on my face comfortingly. “It isn’t one of them.” 

“Isn’t one of who?” Kost’s voice, sounding horrified.

“Templars.” Cole answered. He hesitated, then pressed his forehead to mine. I shakily reached up to hold the back of his head and return the gesture. He murmured. “I think I understand now. I will help if I can.”

“Ma serannas, ma’falon.” I gave him a smile, and on impulse, reached towards him with my mana like I did with the others. He shivered, and then gave me a blinding smile before poofing away. 

Kost was standing a good pace away, his face concerned as he looked at me. Thom and Sa’nehn were standing protectively between him and me. He shifted when I looked at him. “Solas told me what the others want to do.”

I sighed and pushed myself to my feet, pausing to pet Rage and Wisdom as I did. “I will not submit to a Harrowing.” 

“What is a Harrowing?” He bent and hesitantly extended his hand to Rage like one would to a dog. Rage hissed and puffed up his feathers but bent his head to accept a scritch.

I stood straight and put my hands behind my back, inhaling deeply to brace myself. “In the circles, the Templars would drag a mage out at a random time. From their bed, from their lessons, from their meal, whenever they thought it would be the most unexpected. They would drag the mage into a room and force their hand into lyrium, forcing them into the fade. The mage would have to deal with bound demons in the fade, all while a Templar stood over them with a sword. If the mage took too long, the templar would kill them. If they twitched wrong, the templar would kill them. If they woke up and had a magical outburst after consuming raw lyrium, they would kill them. The only way for a mage to avoid the Harrowing was to request to be made Tranquil. Even after managing to survive a Harrowing, a templar could brand a mage if they were too rebellious, too outspoken. Too pretty.” 

Kost flinched at the last word and Sa’nehn’s lip curled up in a silent snarl.

“I refuse to subject myself to a meaningless power play from a corrupt, abusive order.”

He studied me pensively. “So you’ll subject yourself to a bunch of public tests from a bunch of mages?”

“I will allow myself to be tested by a group of my peers, in a setting that does not allow for secrets.” I corrected. 

“You think it’s necessary?” 

“I think that I’d rather do it this way in front of everyone, on my terms, than to wait for someone to get too nervous about my weirdness and hire a templar to ambush me.” I hugged myself at the thought. 

Kost deflated and ran a hand over his face with a self deprecating laugh. “And I was about to ask why you are so jumpy.” 

“Yeah,” I said lamely, I had pretty much said it all. 

He sat there quietly, his fingers softly stroking Rage's feathers. “You don’t-“ the fingers of this other hand clenched.

Rage puffed up again and wiggled closer to Kost.  _ His anger burns for you. _

I exhaled and moved past my guardians to grab Kost’s waist in a hug. “I’ll be alright. I’m not possessed and at least half of the people there will know it.”

“You…” He sighed and curled over me to return the hug. “They’re ready.” 

I groaned and squeezed him, then stepped back, straightened my tunic, and put a polite smile on as I held out my hand. “Shall we, then?” 

He tucked my hand into his elbow and started to escort me to the main hall, Thom and Sa’nehn drifting after me protectively. Kost glanced back when Rage and Wisdom didn’t move to follow. “Your emotional support pets aren’t coming?”

I shook my head. “No. One of the tests won’t agree with them.” 

“You know what they’ll do?” He asked curiously.

“I have an idea.” I patted his arm. “I’ll be alright. I trust Dorian, Solas, and the auger and I know the others won’t try any shenanigans with you there.”

“I’ll do my best to look threateningly protective.” He said quietly.

I smiled up at him and tried not to look like my heart was beating in my throat. “If you weren’t so damn tall I would kiss you.”

He pressed his lips into a thin line and said nothing as he led me towards the stage. The people I had requested were lined up there at the foot of the stairs. But Cullen was also there. I stopped and dug my heels in, trying to pull my hand out of Kost’s elbow. He let me go with a concerned glance and Sa’nehn, bless him, stepped forward with a curt. “No Templars.” 

Cullen, as soon as he saw us, started for us and I wondered if it was wise to just go ahead and bolt now before he got in Smiting range. He must have seen me tense and immediately stopped midstep, I saw a small look of hurt pass through his eyes before he bowed… like, low bow and didn’t straighten back up, just stayed there as he spoke. “Castellan, I request permission to be present. I give my word I will not participate in any way in the proceedings.” 

I took a slow, measured breath and kept my chin up. “Why? Why do you want to be there? It will be nothing but bad memories for you and stress for me. You still sing. And please stand up, bowing makes me nauseous.” 

He faltered slightly, but straightened. His hand moved to his side in an unconscious movement and then stilled over thin air as his sword was absent… in fact he was completely unarmed and unarmored. “Because I… count you as a friend.” He spoke awkwardly. “You… helped me.”

Oh. Way to go for my weak spot there, Cullen. “How are those, by the way?” I said to give myself time to think.

“Better.” He shifted slightly but kept his eyes on me in an earnest expression. 

“That’s good.” Damn you, Cullen, and your puppy eyes. “I… you can stay. As a friend.” It sounded lame even as I said it. 

Cullen suddenly visibly relaxed and offered me a grateful smile and bowed his head, stepping backwards two steps before turning and moving to stand against the far wall and it was not lost on me that he stood as far away from where I would be tested as possible without outright leaving the room. That whole interaction had a certain flavor of Significant… Kost leaned over to whisper quietly to me. “Are you sure?”

I nodded and answered just as quietly. “He left his armor.” 

I resumed the trek to the stage and Kost had Thom and Sa’nehn hang back as I climbed the stairs with a very, very thick sense of anxiety hanging off of me. I could see Josephine and Leliana standing by the door to Josephine’s office, watching me closely. I had barely set foot on the stage when something sharp and stinging hit me in the back, sending me sprawling to my hands and knees. 

“Ow.” I said pointedly and stood up to a flurry of murmurs. 

Fiona inclined her head. “Not possessed. A demon would have tried to defend itself.”

“Oh, good. That’s done. Shall we break for tea now?” Dorian asked in a cheerful tone. “She also crossed the ward that I laid, so there is that fact as well.” 

The Avvar auger looked around at the others with her eyebrows raised and then looked at me in confusion. “They said you wanted my opinion.”

“You probably know better than any of them how to tell.” I rolled my shoulders. That spell had hurt!

She shrugged and stalked up and splayed her hand over my chest and she was big enough that it was a little… um… awkward. Nice, but awkward. I felt something similar to being magically frisked, and then she stepped back. “You are alone.” 

“So are we in agreement that Castellan Fenenansal is not possessed?” Vivienne asked. 

Cassandra hesitated, but nodded. Which was surprising. I thought for sure she would want to at least cast a Cleanse. Solas had his hands folded behind his back and his face was impassive as he inclined his head. “She has no signs of being possessed.”

Vivienne inclined her head and turned to Kost. “We are in unanimous agreement that she is not possessed.” 

I saw Cullen tilt his head back against the wall in relief and the whole thing felt so… anticlimactic. Leliana and Josephine shared a glance and slipped into the office and I suppressed the urge to shrug and got off of the stage and then grinned at the gathered people. “Well. Now we know I’m just like that.” 

Cassandra made a noise somewhere between amused and frustrated and rolled her eyes before leaving and the auger followed her with her head tilted curiously.

“A modified fire cloak spell and a glamor?” Dorian asked curiously.

“I don’t know, and no.” I did shrug. “I normally stick to hearth magic.”

“Darling, you would be  _ wasted _ as a domestic mage.” Vivienne said gently.

“No. No, I wouldn’t.” I said pointedly. “Someone has to heal the wounds and grow the food and knit the lace.” 

She inclined her head in acceptance and turned to leave, hooking her arm through Fiona’s, and though Fiona bristled, she didn’t yank away like she obviously wanted to, instead letting Vivienne lead her away.

“Speaking of lace,” Dorian cut in, hooking his arm through mine. “We need to go through the accessories I procured for you.” 

“Of course. I need to stop by the gardens to pick up my friends first.” I felt him tense.

“The… giant gander?” He sounded wary.

“Yes. His name is Rage.”

“Fitting.” He said faintly.

Well, that either meant he knew, or was terrified of geese. “He’s a sweetheart. You just have to scream at him and mean it.” 

He started to laugh and then trailed off. “You mean that.” 

“She has a habit of being frustratingly truthful, Altus Pavus.” Solas said as he casually slipped to my other side, giving me a slight, barely there kiss on my temple before looking at Dorian with a slight nod. “Please do not keep her long.”

I snagged Solas’ hand and pulled him to me to kiss him properly on the mouth. “Sorry for springing that on you. I should have seen that coming.” 

His jaw tightened and his thumb brushed over the back of my hand once before he released my hand. “You handled it well.” 

“The two of you and your scandalous displays of public affection.” Dorian sighed. 

“There should be nothing scandalous about a wolf kissing their mate.” I sniffed. 

Solas made a slight snorting sound of suppressed amusement and Dorian gave me a flat look. “You shouldn’t make wolf jokes after your display yesterday.”

I rolled my eyes and shoved at him playfully. “I’ll catch up to you. I need to talk to someone.” 

He rolled his eyes. “Very well, do hurry. Your current accessories leave much to be desired.” He left with a playful flare of his robes and Solas watched him leave with his impassive ‘I don’t like that’ face. 

I caught his hand again and kissed his cheek. “I’ll come find you later, vhenan. All is well.” 

He studied me for a quiet moment before the corner of his mouth quirked up. “Punk.” He inclined his head and prowled off towards the Rotunda. 

I was scooped up from behind in a hug and set back down just as quickly and before I even had time to ask him what that was for, Kost had flashed me a sharp grin and practically raced off. Weird. 

Cullen was still leaning against the back wall, his eyes closed. His hand clenched tightly at his sides and I could make out the barest tremble in them. I stopped out of arm’s reach, cautious about the PTSD. “Cullen?” 

He startled slightly and opened his eyes, looking down at me before forcing himself straight. “Fen.” He said my name quietly. Cautiously. 

“Are you alright?” The spot between my shoulder blades where Fiona’s spell had hit still stung and I felt jittery from the unused adrenaline, but he definitely looked like he had had a way worse time than I had. 

His jaw clenched and he looked away as if he couldn’t meet my eyes. “I- No.”

“Do you need quiet or distraction?” I was aware that Thom and Sa’nehn were hovering behind me, Sa’nehn having directed all of his suspicion about Thom in Cullen’s direction now that Thom was Pack. 

Cullen reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, sighing heavily. “I-“ he shook his head. “You shouldn’t be- you shouldn’t have had to- Maker, I’m sorry.”

“You took your armor off.” I still… I had never seen him once without his armor since waking up in Thedas. “I’m not possessed, I’m just a bit, uh, angry at times, and you took your armor off.” 

He sighed. “I know.” He then gave a small, weak laugh. “I feel naked, honestly.”

I couldn’t help but grin. “Not yet.” I immediately put a hand over my face. “That was inappropriate, I’m sorry. It’s a...” I waved my other hand vaguely near my head. 

Cullen actually smiled and pushed off of the wall. “It’s… fine.” He sighed and crossed his arms loosely, almost immediately uncrossing them and trying to tuck them behind his back; he seemed like he had no idea what to do with them. 

“You should learn to knit.” I blurted out, then blushed, because of course I blush when suggesting hobbies to men instead of when I’m implying I’ve seen them naked in my dreams. “It’s just… it’s something to do with your hands and it helps prevent arthritis in your hands, and it’s hard to feel like you’re just aimlessly drifting through time when you’re… creating… something.” I trailed off with a wince. Knitting was just a good thing to learn, but I had no idea how to explain existential dread and PTSD to pseudo medieval men...

Cullen looked at me with a strange expression before nodding slowly. “I will… consider it. Thank you.”

I nodded, feeling really, really awkward. “Just… let me know if you want lessons. I need to, uh, Dorian insisted on getting me,” I grimaced. “Stuff. Shiny stuff, which is normally cool, but I’m generally… practical.” 

“I didn’t believe… that you were possessed.” He said quietly, completely changing the subject. “I just- you should know. It was not me.”

I knew, but hearing it was… Why did everything with Thedas men seem so Significant with a capital ‘S’? I felt like I was playing poker with a Wicked Grace deck. “Thank you… I mean… Fucks sake I feel so awkward right now I thought I grew out of that phase.” I exhaled heavily then reached out and pointedly bumped his bicep with my fist. “We’re cool. Catch me if you need help with headaches or knitting lessons.” 

I turned, leaving him staring at his arm in confusion, to find Sa’nehn and Thom both looking at me with raised eyebrows. I gave them a ‘what?’ look and moved on to collect Rage and Wisdom from the gardens. This whole interaction had been… awkward? But I think it was necessary. I still couldn’t believe he had taken off his armor and left behind his sword when going to a ‘possession test’. 

I found Rage, Wisdom, and Compassion all standing in a circle and staring silently at each other. Cole actually lifted one hand and gave me a thumbs up, never breaking eye contact with Rage. I guessed that meant they were deep in conversation and went to go find Dorian. Thom reluctantly left me to go work in the Den. Dorian was in the Rotunda, and had a bunch of packages spread out over Solas’ desk and Solas’ things stacked, neatly, under the scaffolding. I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow at him. “Really?” 

He completely ignored my judgement and held up a pair of black boots that looked fairly close to earth’s pirate boots. “Practical, fashionable, and made from the skin of some poor expensive creature.” 

“I love them.” I said simply. Pirate boots? Hell yes. Sa’nehn went and flopped onto Solas’ sofa to wait.

He blinked. “Honestly, I was thinking I was going to have to talk you into them.” He set the boots aside and gave me a concerned look. “Are you alright?” 

I slumped into Solas’ chair. “Yeah. Shaky, but alright. Whatever Fiona hit me with stings like a bitch, but I’m alright.” I stuck my foot into the air. “And I love the boots. Put them on me.”

“Put them on yourself.” He scoffed, sounding relieved even as he tossed the boots into my lap. 

I toed off the worn boots I had been wearing for months and started to pull the new boots on. They fit, which made me wonder how he had gotten my shoe size… him collaborating with Vivienne seemed unlikely. The shoes did give me an idea however… I hadn’t made Leliana anything yet. I should make her some boot cuffs. 

I should make Leliana some boot cuffs and I should make Kost some gloves. I had some nice yellow yarn that- I was hit in the face with something soft.

“Stop thinking and start complimenting my aesthetic tastes.” Dorian groused playfully. 

I picked up the soft thing he had thrown at me and had to turn it over several times before I realized it was lingerie, some sort of silky teddy. “Why Dorian, how scandalous. I thought for sure you would wait another month before making your intentions known.” I said in the most shocked voice I could muster.

He sputtered. “What? No- That’s not- You aren’t-” He suddenly caught on to the fact I was grinning at him and sighed. “You are a terrible person.” 

“Are you wanting me to try this on too?” I reached for the hem of my tunic and he lunged for me and grabbed my hands. 

“No! Fasta Vass, Fen, I’m trying to do something nice for you and your hobo apostate, stop teasing me!”

I kissed his cheek while he was close enough to do so. “Thank you, Dorian, I appreciate it. You are a gem of a man and have impeccable fashion taste. Show me the pretty things so I may make appropriate awed noises at them.” 


	31. Chapter 31

Things still felt a bit anticlimactic the next morning. I wiggled out of Mina’s legs and went to see Solas, slipping into his room quietly. He was awake and upset. 

“The Chantry Mother is the one who insisted you be Harrowed.” Solas said in such a quiet tone that it was almost a hiss. 

I groaned and flopped face first onto his bed. “Of course. She was trying to get past my wards too. I bet she’s pissed that I powerplayed the Chantry out of my garden and won.”

“You also obviously have the ear of the Inquisitor.” He added. “A thing that she wants.”

“Bleh. Speaking of, I have to do a war room meeting today. I think he’s wanting to go to the Western Approach. And then afterwards he wants me to join him in the tavern for drinks with the Chargers.”

“That should be entertaining.” Solas mused.

“Ugh. I am not getting drunk again. I have a self imposed limit of no more than once a month.” I sighed and tried to sink deeper into his mattress. It smelled like him. 

“You do not have to join them for drinks.” Solas pointed out.

“Ugh, I kind of have to.” At his silence that felt like a question, I explained. “In order to keep the Qun from digging into the Inquisition, Kost and Bull need to have too many fond memories of the Chargers.”

I felt his weight settle on the mattress next to me and his hand ran over my spine in a thou ghtful petting gesture. “You think something so small as a night of revelry will sway the future?”

“For want of a nail the shoe was lost. For want of a shoe the horse was lost. For want of a horse the rider was lost. For want of a rider the message was lost. For want of a message the battle was lost. For want of a battle the kingdom was lost. And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.” I quoted. “Little things, little people, little events and losses and memories… the future is made of people and the little things that bind them together.” 

I rolled over to look up at him. He was watching me thoughtfully and his hand settled over my heart. I put my hand over his and carried on with my point. “We had an art style, where I came from. It was called Pointillism. Artists would paint tiny little dots. Just little, singular dots in different colors, and up close it looked just like that, little neat dots of color. But when you stepped back, it created beautiful pictures, all of the dots coming together to make the whole. But without the little dots, there was no big picture. Each little point was vital.” 

“So yes, me trying to make sure Bull and Kost remember the Chargers are people is important.” 

Solas’ lips parted as he leaned down and kissed me. His hand went to the side of my face in a gentle caress before he pulled back with a groan. “You are a… stirring speaker.” 

I grinned. “Is that fancy speak for you like my mouth?” 

“Unfortunately, yes.” He sighed before dropping back down to steal another kiss. 

I shoved at his shoulder, startling him enough to get him onto his back and straddle him. His breath caught and I could feel he was  _ very _ interested in my intentions. “Well. In that case.” 

There was a knock on the door and both Solas and I yelled, “Go away.” At the same time. For a moment, a single, hopeful moment, I thought that they had listened before Terys’ voice tentatively said, “Um… Castellan? The Inquisitor is asking for you.” 

I looked at Solas consideringly. “Go tell him I’ll be out in ten minutes.” 

“Confident.” Solas whispered, but he was smirking at me. 

“Half of that is time for me to get up those stairs.” I said and rolled my hips against him to make him gasp. I vaguely paid attention to Terys’ amused ‘yes, lady wolf’ and got to work getting Solas out of his leggings and losing his composure. I still had a minute to spare when I finished my ‘stirring’ use of my mouth and made sure my face was clean and straightened my clothes.

Solas was still a panting mess, which was a satisfying sight, but he focused that hunter’s gaze on me as I reached for the door. “I have not returned the favor, vhenan.”

“I’m sure you’ll catch me later.” I grinned at him and put a bit of emphasis on the word ‘catch’. 

He gave me a heated look full of promise, and I definitely had a satisfied swing to my step as I slipped out of his room, grabbed the breakfast sandwich a blushing Sa’nehn handed to me, and headed for the stairs once I had snatched up my knitting bag. Wisdom trotted at my feet and I looked around in confusion. “Where’s Rage?”

_ He had an idea he wished to test. _

“He went up the ramp while you were… busy.” Sa’nehn said behind me.

“Huh.” Odd, but I could ask later. I was huffing a bit (okay a lot) by the time I got to the top of the stairs, but I kept up the hurried pace until I burst into the War Room with a disgruntled Wisdom at my heels. Sa’nehn stayed in Josie’s office and I closed the door between us as Leliana accepted a coin from Josephine from over a little sand timer that still had a tiny trickle of sand in the upper portion. 

“Did you two…” breathe. “Really take bets?” 

“Did you really run all the way here in order to make the time limit you gave us?” Kost asked curiously.

Well… yeah. My expression must have been answer enough because he rolled his eyes and lifted his arm and I tucked myself under it for a squeeze. Wisdom jumped up onto the War Table and then shoved her head under Cullen’s hand when he reached for the marker she had displaced. His face softened and he pet her and used his other hand to set the marker back up over Emprise du Lion. 

Oh. The people in the quarries. The red lyrium and the people being sold off. 

I startled when Kost nudged me and looked up to see Cullen and Josephine looking at me in concern and Leliana calculatingly. Kost pushed me far enough away to look at my face. He looked concerned too. “You alright?”

I nodded and wiped at my cheeks. I wasn’t crying but… I felt like it. I reached out and touched the marker over Emprise du Lion. Cullen spoke quietly. “We were going to investigate red templar activity there.” 

I nodded and rested my fingers on the map, speaking quietly. “Blood in the snow. She sold them to the stone infected to work the stone until the stone grows behind their eyes. Blood in the snow and it screams. A disgraced champion battles an ancient desire with lies in his choices. She sold them… how did she choose who to feed and who to sell?” I pulled my hand away from the map with a shudder. “The quarry holds the screaming blood, the stolen people, and the notes.” 

Kost lifted his arm from my shoulder to rub his eyes. “We’ll… we’ll stop there and check that out on our way to the Western Approach.” He exhaled and then grabbed me into another hug, cu rling over me in a protective way. “Fuck, Fen. I’m almost afraid to ask about the desert.” 

“Blood. Always more blood.” I said into his shirt. “People following orders and spilling blood because they were told they must. Sacrifices in the towers. A fortress to be worn down to stop the blood sacrificed on their leader’s orders. A temple frozen in time and still more blood. Bring bridge builders.” 

“Bring bridge builders…” Kost sighed. I could hear Josephine’s quill scratching frantically, taking notes.

“There is Judicael’s crossing in Emprise du Lion.” Leliana said matter of factly. “It might have been damaged. We can send builders to the area to temporarily repair it after you have cleared the way of rifts.” 

“And the bridges in the desert?” Josephine asked.

“The air is heavy and burns to breathe.” 

“Our scouts haven’t come across anything of that nature yet, or at least they haven’t had time to send word.” Leliana said.

“If Fen says it’s there…” Kost said uncertainly.

“At this point I would say that if Fen says it will be there, it will be there.” Cullen said firmly. 

There was a long moment of silence before Kost spoke. “We can send the builders to Emprise du Lion as soon as we’ve cleared the way, and they can work while we stabilize the area and clear the way to the Western Approach. They should be finished by the time we have a safe route for them.” 

“We can begin procuring lumber in advance.” Josephine sounded pleased.

I pulled back out of Kost’s hug and reached up to the glyph he still wore. It was completely depleted and I carefully channeled my mana into it until it radiated a comfortable heat. He gave me a soft smile as I went and sat on the chair near the wall. I ate the sandwich and then pulled out my knitting and started working on the boot cuffs for Leliana as the four people hashed out details, occasionally calling on me for information about Skyhold. Cullen was holding Wisdom and absently petting her as she purred and looked over the War Table.

I had the stretchy ribbed portion done and was freestyling a lace pattern by the time my attention was pulled back to Kost. He gave me a tired smile. “We’re done for today. Thank you.” 

“I’m glad I can help.” I said as I gathered up my things back into my knitting bag. 

Cullen uncertainly fell into step beside me, faltering when I left the War Room and Sa’nehn fixed him with a suspicious glare. “Lady Wolf, I- may I walk with you?” 

“Sure.” I gave him a smile. Sa’nehn made an irritated noise but walked on my other side from Cullen, who was still holding a purring Wisdom. 

We walked in silence for several seconds before Cullen spoke. “I was watching, I mean, in the War Room. You were knitting. You looked… peaceful.”

“I like making things. It feels good.” I nodded. 

“You said… if I wanted that you would, if that still stands…” He looked incredibly flustered.

“I would be happy to teach you to knit.” I rescued him. 

He looked uncomfortably relieved and opened his mouth to reply, just as I opened the door to the Rotunda and immediately heard the sound of sobbing. Wisdom scrambled out of Cullen’s arms and I followed her up the stairs to the library as fast as I could. I came to a complete halt when I found a human man with a tranquil brand on his forehead kneeling on the ground and sobbing heartbrokenly into Rage’s feathers. Rage, for his part, looked like the most uncomfortable goose in existence.

“What did you do?” I hurried over and knelt by the tranquil man and began petting his back soothingly.

_ I walked near him and extended myself, to see how he reacted. _ Rage seethed.  _ The effect started to fade when I tried to leave and he chased me down and won’t let me go. _

“I don’t know.” The man sobbed. “I didn’t mean to- please don’t- don’t brand me again. Please don’t. I didn’t do it on purpose.” 

“Shhh. It’s alright.” I soothed even as I looked around frantically. Fortunately, it looked like there was no one in the library at the moment. No one besides Sa’nehn and... Cullen, who looked like he had seen a ghost. “Crap. Cullen, I need your help. Help me get him to the Den, please.”

Cullen was still staring unseeingly at the tranquil man and I needed to get them both somewhere private, fast. “Cullen!” I snapped. His eyes flicked to me and I looked at him earnestly. “Help me move him.”

“No! I can’t- I can’t go back! I can’t go back, please, don’t-” The man finally let go of Rage only to clutch my shirt desperately. “I can’t! I can’t go back the way- the way I was!” 

I made soothing noises and tried to stand up, pulling him up with me. “It’s alright. We’re just taking you somewhere safe. I won’t let anything happen to you. It’s alright.” 

Cullen finally moved and slung the man’s arm over his shoulder and half dragged him after me. Wisdom and Rage both stuck close to the man’s heels and I was very, very upset with Rage at the moment.

_ Understandable. I should have waited. _

_ Which is why you need me. _ Wisdom chided. 

“Stop arguing.” I hissed as I pulled both the Tranquil man and Cullen through the notice me not ward and the wall spell. Cullen seemed… dazed and Sa’nehn and I both had to coax both him and the tranquil man down the stairs and to the cavern. I managed to sit the man by the cooking glyph and dumped Wisdom into his lap to hold onto. 

Saam hurried up to us, her eyes flicking over Cullen suspiciously. “What happened?”

“We need tea. Chamomile, lavender, whatever we have that’s relaxing. If there is such a thing as a calming potion, we need one of those too.” I looked at Sa’nehn, feeling out of my depth. “Get Solas if you would. Cole if you run into him as well.” 

Sa’nehn nodded sharply and hurried back the way we came and I knelt in front of the tranquil man. “Hey. It’s going to be alright. What’s your name?” 

“A-Andrew.” He was shaking visibly. “I- I don’t know what happened.” 

“It’s alright, Andrew.” I glanced at Cullen, who was just… standing there, staring at Andrew. “What happened is you have temporarily been cured.” 

“No! I can’t- I can’t go back to the- I can’t do that again. Please, kill me if I- I can’t go back.” He leaned forward to catch at my sleeve again and Saam smoothly shoved a cup of tea into his hands instead, then put another cup into Cullen’s hands. When he didn’t move she pushed his hands up to his face until the cup touched his chin and he startled.

“Shh, Andrew, it’s alright. Listen, we’re going to breathe together until I can explain, alright?” It took a bit, okay, a lot of coaxing, but eventually I taught Andrew how to box breathe and after a while, long enough for Cullen to finally drink his tea and then sit on the ground with his head in his hands, he was level enough to talk to. 

“I know how to cure Tranquility permanently.” I said. Then coaxed them both through a round of box breathing. “You should, theoretically, be unable to be possessed afterwards, like a Seeker. The only thing is, being branded is… traumatic.” At Andrews confused look I cast about for another way to explain. “It’s a wound to your mind and spirit. You would have trouble controlling your emotions, you would be prone to laughing hysterically and then immediately flying into a rage or despair. It would be difficult and exhausting.”

“But I would have my own mind back.” Andrew said desperately. “I would be a person again.” 

“Yes.” I agreed. “I… was hoping to have more time to prepare, make things ready. Talk to some people.” I glared at Rage, who just ruffled his feathers and hissed at me. “But… I would be willing to help you through the aftereffects. Things like the breathing method I showed you, coping methods, a safe place to stay.”

Andrew shifted onto his knees and clasped his hands together. “Please. I’ll do anything.” 

“Hush.” I said softly. “If you want to be cured, I’ll do my best. You don’t owe me anything.” 

“Vhenan?” Solas asked from the stairway.

“Ran into a problem I could use your advice on.” I gave him a tired smile. “Meet Andrew. A tranquil man.” 

Solas glanced at Andrew, his lip curling slightly over the brand and then his face went slack with shock when he saw the tears on Andrew’s face. “What did you do?”

“I gave Rage an idea. Where is Cole?”

“He is speaking to someone in the Rotunda.” Solas said shortly as he quickly walked up to Andrew and reached for his head. 

Andrew shrank away and I slapped at Solas’ hand. “Consent, dear. Ask.” 

Solas startled and blinked at me, then inclined his head at Andrew. “Forgive me. May I check you for wounds?”

Andrew glanced at me before nodding uncertainly and Solas knelt in front of him and pressed his hands to the man’s temples and closed his eyes in concentration. I looked over at Cullen, who was staring at me with the most heartbroken expression I had ever seen. His hands were shaking in his lap despite being clenched and he was… gods he was pale. 

“You alright there?” I asked him, wondering if I needed to get him to lay down before he passed out.

He opened his mouth and shut it a few times before he seemed to finally be able to use words. “I- Maker, no.” He completely curled in on himself and cradled his head in his hands. “No. It wasn’t- it’s not- what have I-?“ he couldn’t finish anything he tried to say, and his words were starting to sound close to sobs.

Oh boy. I could practically taste the guilt coming off of him and I really, really didn’t know what to do. Solas pulled his hands away from Andrew’s head and stepped back, folding his hands behind his back in a casual gesture, though I could see the white knuckled grip he had on his own wrist. “He…” He exhaled sharply. “I have no experience in this. As far as I can tell, he is whole.” 

I rubbed my temples. “One of you needs to touch his mind to make the cure permanent.”

There was a silent conference and then Wisdom moved to sit in front of Andrew. I looked between Solas and Cullen and… I had no idea what to do. 

“You can undo it.” Cullen’s voice was ragged as he picked his head up out of his hands and he was crying, red eyes, tear streaked. “You can… you can undo it all.”

“Not undo. Try to repair. They’re wounded and hurting and I’m going to have a very, very hard time protecting them from the Chantry.” I refused to let him put me up on a pedestal. 

_ It is done. _ Wisdom said in my mind before she jumped into Cullen’s lap and let him sink his shaking fingers into her fur.

“Ma serannas, emma’falon.” Both for curing Andrew and trying to comfort Cullen.

“You intend to cure them all.” Solas asked quietly with his eyes on Cullen consideringly. 

“All of them that consent to it.” 

Cole poofed in next to me, wringing his hands. “I made her forget that she saw. Made her forget she wanted to tell the false mother.”

“Thank you, sweetheart.” I smiled at him. Someone seeing this and reporting it to Mother Giselle right now would cause all sorts of problems. 

He looked relieved and then knelt in front of Andrew. “It’s going to be alright. This is the Lady Wolf. She protects her people, howls for the ones who can’t. She fixes things, makes them better. You can trust her.”

Andrew took on a far off expression and I let Cole work his magic as I focused on Solas and Cullen. I chewed on the ball of my thumb uncertainly. “I don’t know what to do. Cole took care of the witnesses, but… the cure for Tranquility was what triggered the mage rebellion. The Chantry tried to suppress it.” 

I had both men’s rapt attention. “I have to help the wounded people, but… I need help myself. I need my Den to be safe. I need my Valley to be safe. I…” I scrubbed my face with my hands. 

“Lady Wolf…” Cullen said slowly but earnestly. “You have my word that… I will help in any way I can. If you can… fix this… I will help.”

“Even if the Inquisitor tells you to stop me?” I asked quietly. I saw Solas tense and his eyes narrow. “Even if your Herald orders you to stop me from helping them?”

Cullen stilled, every muscle of his body frozen in tension even as his eyes flicked around the Den. Over Cole and Rage comforting Andrew, over me sitting by the teapot. Over Saam and Maeva watching with the children at their legs. Over the sun spell and the garden beds and Sa’nehn with his white knuckled grip on his dagger. He looked back at me and his jaw was tight as he gave a single, sharp jerk of his chin. “I would protect you, and yours, even from the Inquisition.” He said quietly. 

Oh boy. 

“Even if the next Divine herself ordered you to stop me?” It felt cruel to press, but… I had to know how far his word reached before I trusted the safety of my pack to him.

He looked pained and pale, and his lips moved as if he was speaking quietly to himself. I waited, carefully holding my hand out in a ‘wait’ gesture when I saw Sa’nehn start to tense up again. Eventually, Cullen let out a ragged, shaky breathe and then faced me. “Even then.”

Well… fuck. I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes and breathed for a moment. “Thank you, Cullen. Solas… I need to go talk to Kost about this, let him know what I’m going to be doing. Can you… can you keep an eye on Andrew for me? Just… if he starts to spiral help him breathe through it.”

“Of course.” Solas said softly and I felt his hand rest on my shoulder, squeezing lightly before retreating.

“Thank you.” I stood up and pointed sternly at Rage. “I will be having  _ words _ with you when I get back.”

_ I would expect nothing less. _ He sounded furiously excited by the idea, which… I guess taking out your rage on a rage spirit would make them happy. Still. I needed to scold him for my own sake. 

Cullen and Sa’nehn silently followed me up the stairs and I wondered if I could have one uneventful day. Just one. One day where nothing happened. That would be nice. I had to pull Cullen through the wall spell and he blinked back at it before I shoved him over the notice me not line and his eyes started sliding off of it. He frowned but didn’t ask, instead flexing his shaking fingers and breathing in slow measures. I led the way, opening up myself and asking the stones to lead me.

I followed them and found Kost in the Undercroft with Dagna, going over a weapon design. I strode up to them, greeting Dagna with a head bump before looking up at Kost. He looked from me to Cullen before straightening with a tense expression. “What happened?”

“I cured a Tranquil.” I said bluntly. “I know how to cure them all and I will be taking the Tranquil that consent to being cured. As far as the Inquisition knows, they are just disappearing. They may or may not reappear as they heal.”

Kost sat down on the table, unheeding of the way it creaked under his weight. He sat down and stared at me with his mouth open. Dagna made a gasping noise and I heard Sa’nehn quietly promise I would give her details later. Eventually Kost ran a hand over his face. “Why are you telling me?”

“I need you to stall the repairs over the walkway to the Valley.”

“Of course you already know how to get there.” He huffed in strained amusement. “I can do that. Direct the repair efforts to the walls instead.” 

“If the Chantry finds out what I’m doing… it could cause trouble.” I said quietly. 

He waved his hand dismissively. “I’ll talk to Leliana and Josephine about damage control. Maybe they can spin it to our advantage or whatever they do. But you really can… you can really cure them?”

“I saw it happen, Inquisitor.” Cullen said quietly. “I saw a man with a Tranquil brand cry and hope.” 

“Fuck.” Kost breathed. 

My thoughts exactly. I ran a hand over my face. “We still on for drinks tonight?”

Kost exhaled a sharp laugh. “Are we-? Are you going to feel up to that after…?” He waved his hand in a vague, all encompassing gesture. 

“People are important, Kost.” I smiled at him. “Spending time with people is important.” 

He narrowed his eyes at me before smiling. “Go eat something. Take a nap.”

“I have work to do.” I protested.

“Both of you. That’s an order.” Kost pointed between me and Cullen. “Eat and take a nap. You both look like you need it.”

I rolled my eyes and saluted mockingly. “Sir, yes, sir.” I turned to go, then hesitated and looked back at Kost. “Thank you.” 

He gave me a lopsided smile. “We’re all just doing our part to save the world. Now go. Lunch and nap.” He waved his hand dismissively. 

Cullen fell into step beside me and seemed lost in thought as I headed back towards the Rotunda to follow Kost’s orders. He halted when we reached the Rotunda and I turned to him at his quiet, “Lady Wolf?”

I looked up at him in concern and he searched my face intently. “You… asked me if I would… it was a test.” 

I nodded. “A lot of evil is done in the name of following orders. I wanted… to know if you would do what you know is right even when those in command tell you otherwise.”

He flinched, a full body flinch, but nodded. “I… am learning how to... “

“ If you are hungry, I will offer food.” Sa’nehn spoke up. “If you are thirsty, I will offer water. If you are cold, I will offer warmth. If you are in need, ask and I will give. If you are in trouble, ask and I will help. I do not do these things in the hopes of being rewarded. I do not do these things out of fear of punishment. I do these things because I know them to be right. I set my own standards and I alone enforce them.”

Cullen stared at Sa’nehn with his mouth open and Sa’nehn shrugged one shoulder awkwardly. “Those are the things that the Lady Wolf has taught us. That is our way.” Sa’nehn glanced at me with a grimace before addressing Cullen directly again. “If you learn those ways… you can be pack.” 

Cullen seemed frozen in place and I wondered at exactly what all was going through his mind. After a long moment I spoke up. “Go rest and eat, Commander. I need to do the same.” 

He inhaled and nodded sharply before turning on his heel and stalking away and I slipped through the ward and wall with Sa’nehn at my heels.

“I’m really proud of you.” I told him quietly. “You’re growing into an incredible person.” 

Sa’nehn blushed all the way to the tips of his ears. “Go take a nap.”

“Sir, yes, sir.” I laughed, feeling strung out and tired.

What a day. 

It wasn't even lunch time yet, but what a day. 


	32. Chapter 32

When I woke up from my nap I cussed Rage out soundly and loudly, yelling my feelings at him until I felt better. Then I hugged him and thanked him, because I did feel better and he had helped. Solas ‘caught’ me shortly afterwards and I was definitely feeling very satisfied by the time I made it up to the tavern to join the Chargers for drinks. I stuck to tea, despite Kost’s wheedling. I did promise him that I would get drunk with him when he got back from his work in the Western Approach, and reluctantly sang (much quieter than last time) Greatness to Maryden so she could add it to her song set. 

Andrew was a nervous wreck, understandably. Timothy had latched onto him and was teaching him to crochet, coaxing him through breathing exercises and patiently guiding his shaking hands through the movements needed to create the stitches of a scarf. Having something to do like that definitely helped, and Cole stuck nearby to help listen to Andrew’s scattered ramblings. The guy had requested to be made Tranquil to avoid being Harrowed, which was one of the least traumatic ways of getting branded, but there were a lot of shitty things that happened afterwards that he had to cope with now that he had emotions again. 

Watching Andrew’s struggle did not incline me kindly towards the Chantry, especially as I broke my preference of staying out of people’s dreams in order to help keep Andrew’s… manageable. Guy was terrified of being branded again, which was understandable, and I spent all night gently easing his dreams into more gentle areas so he didn’t become terrified of sleeping as well. I was a bit grumpy when I woke up, and Rage kept poking me in the stomach with his beak until I cussed him out again.

Then he did the smuggest feather poof and I instantly felt my grumpiness drain out of me as he fed on my simmering rage. I hissed at him, but also patted his head. He was a horrible goose and I loved him. Which reminded me, I needed to get Loyalty out of the stables and into the Den. Maybe I could do that today.

I trudged up the stairs with Sa’nehn and Wisdom. Rage was staying in the gardens today. I think he wanted to try and bite Mother Giselle. I approved, but I did give him a stern warning to stay away from the Tranquil. Movran and his tribe left that morning, armed to the teeth with Inquisition weapons and as many supplies as we could spare. I kinda missed the easy going giants already.

I caught up on the administrative work that I had missed yesterday, settled a few quarrels, and slipped a note to Leliana warning her about the Nevarran noble that was too handsy with the maids. If she didn’t handle him I would be. I didn’t write that of course, but I put a very pointed wolf symbol below my name. I was speaking with Dorian about some of the things he wanted for the library, I wasn’t sure exactly  _ why _ we needed enchanted lighting fixtures but I was hearing him out and he was making some excellent points about book preservation.

Okay… I had made up my mind to go ahead and try to get them as soon as he said ‘book preservation’ but I was letting him have his spiel as he had obviously put a lot of work into it. I could pick out the outline, it was that well rehearsed. He had just reached what I figured to be point two, sub point c when I heard a timid, “Castellan?”

Dorian looked offended at being interrupted, so I just quickly made a note and gave him a smile. “Well, I’m convinced. I’ll see what I can do. And if you want to finish that very well composed speech later I am definitely willing to listen, but please excuse me for a moment.” 

I turned to find a trio of elves in mage robes, one of which had a livid scar across her throat that looked like a sword slash. She was in front, her hands clasped tightly in front of her. She looked terrified so I gave her a reassuring smile. “Can I help you?”

She swallowed. “It’s just… I have a friend and… everyone says to come to you for help.”

I felt my spine stiffen in readiness to jump into whatever mess they were skirting around. “What kind of help do you need?”

“It’s… my friend went missing yesterday.” Her eyes flicked to Dorian over my shoulder and she swallowed again. “The… the last he was seen was in the library and… I can’t find him.”

Dorian made an understanding noise in the back of his throat, but I held a finger up at him to tell him to wait. “What was his name?”

“Andrew.” Her eyes flicked to Dorian again. “He was a Tranquil, but he was my friend. I’m concerned about him.”

I couldn’t help but pinch the bridge of my nose. Why had I assumed Andrew wouldn’t have any friends that cared about him? “Ah. I can assure you that he is perfectly safe.”

The scarred mage stepped forward urgently. “I need to see him. Please.”

“Dorian, love, would you mind giving me a minute? I need to handle something delicate.” I looked back at him and gave him an uncertain smile. 

He glanced from me to the mages narrowly. “Are you sure, little gem?”

“Absolutely. Shoo. Go wax your mustache. It looks crooked.” I waved my hand at him.

He put a hand over his chest in mock hurt. “Why must you always go for the mustache? But very well. Scream if you need help.” He looked over the mages narrowly again before sweeping off.

I waited until he was reasonably out of earshot before turning to the trio of mages. “Listen, Andrew is perfectly safe, but if you want to see him, I need you three to swear secrecy. You cannot breathe a word of what you see. I can take you to him, you can see he is safe and well, but I have to get a promise of secrecy from whoever wants to see him.” 

The mages glanced at each other, their hands twitching in little furtive gestures that I recognized as signals of some sort. Finally the scarred mage grimaced. “Everyone I spoke to said to trust her.” 

The other two sighed but all three placed their hands over their hearts. “We swear on the Maker not to breathe a word of what we see. Please, take us to him.”

I nodded and hurried down the stairs to the Rotunda. Solas looked up from his desk, half rising when he saw the mages following me until I gently pushed him back into his chair with a gentle hand on his shoulder. “It’s alright, vhenan.”

Sa’nehn and I held out our hands to the mages, and after a moment’s hesitation, they took them, and we pulled them through the ward and the wall. The moment we were in the stairwell they let go of our hands with shocked gasps, turning to press against the wall, which wouldn’t let them through without the key. The leader turned back to me, her eyes glinting in the dark and her staff in her hands.

“What are you doing? Let us out.”

“It’s alright.” I held my hands up. “The wall is just to keep intruders out. If you want out, we are happy to help you out. You’re not trapped.”

Even though the hair on the back of my neck was standing up, I turned and started down the stairs. After a moment I heard them follow me down. I was relieved to see that Andrew was still in the main cavern, his brow furrowed in intense concentration as he crocheted. 

“Andrew, there are some people here who wanted to make sure you are alright.” 

He looked up in confusion, then his eyes slid past me and widened. He beamed in delight and jumped to his feet. “Lisa! Gerald! Mae!” He rushed to them and gathered them into a hug, grinning and laughing in utter delight at seeing them. 

The three looked pale as ghosts and the scarred one pulled away to grab Andrew’s face with gentle, shaking hands and examine him. “Andrew? Is that… is that you?”

“She cured me, Lisa! I’m cured!” He laughed again and it was edging near hysterical.

“Breathe.” I reminded him gently.

He closed his eyes and breathed slowly and evenly and the scarred mage, Lisa, looked at me with tears in her eyes. “Is… is that true? Did you cure him?”

I nodded hesitantly. “I… yes. It wasn’t... yes. He’s cured.”

“I’m all over the place, it’s hard to- to  _ feel _ after so long, but they’re helping me. Look!” He grabbed Lisa’s hand and pulled her over to the crocheting he had dropped. “I’m learning to crochet, it’s supposed to help me stay in control. I’m making Mae a scarf.” 

“We… we thought the Tevinter…” the man, Gerald, I presumed, whispered. “But he’s… he’s cured…”

“I’m sorry for worrying you. There was a bit of an… accident involving the cure and I had to get him out of sight of the Chantry as quickly as possible, and I forgot to ask him if he had anyone I needed to inform. You have my apologies.” I said sincerely. I would do better next time. 

“Worrying… Maker’s balls, no, we owe you a debt we could never in a thousand years repay.” the other woman, Mae, said with a sob. 

“No. You don’t owe me anything.” I held my hands up and stepped back. “Helping him was the right thing to do.” 

Gerald covered his mouth with his hand. “If… can you do it again? What about Terrence? And Celene? Oh Maker! Can you do it again?” He turned to me desperately.

“Short answer? Yes. Long answer… it’s complicated. I want to help them, believe me, I really, really do, but it’s dangerous. The chantry would try to suppress it, again. People would call them hazards because they need time to heal and regulate their emotions. They’re volatile and hurting, and I don’t have enough people to help take care of more right now.” I gestured at Lisa, who was crying as she listened to Andrew ramble delightedly even as Timothy carefully guided his hands back to his work. “Timothy, Saam, and Cole all three take care of Andrew to help him learn to self regulate his emotions again. I don’t have enough people for more right now.”

The two mages exchanged glances before dropping to one knee and putting their hand over their hearts. “We are at your service.” 

For fucks sake… “I don’t-”

“Lady Wolf!” Aelon called out from the stairwell. “Lady Wolf, the Commander is having a bad episode. He won’t let anyone near to help.”

For  _ Fucks _ sake! “I’m sorry, I have to go. You three can stay in the cavern, spend time with Andrew, talk to the pack about how you can help.” I looked around. Where was that spirit cat? “Wisdom? Wisdom, I need your fluff.” 

“She stayed in the library.” Sa’nehn offered. 

“Okay. I’ll pick her up on the way. I need chamomile tea, some ginger, and some bread.” I directed to the room at large and I saw Saam dart to the cooking glyph. Something for nerves, nausea, comfort, and… I went to the pack room and came back with my knitting bag. Distraction. 

The new mages were watching in silent bewilderment at the measured bustle of the few pack members in the Den, and in minutes I had the things I needed. I pressed my forehead to Saam’s in thanks, then directed to Timothy. “If they want to leave, have someone help them out please, but they can stay as long as they like.” I smiled ruefully at the mages. “I’m sorry to rush off like this, I have to go help a friend.” 

Lisa started to say something, but I was already headed for the stairs. Sa’nehn and Aelon both fell into step behind me. 

“According to one of my sources, he was acting irritable and shaky since yesterday, but then today was the day to pass out the lyrium doses for the templars in Skyhold-”

“Motherfucker!” I swore. “Is that self flagellating idiot of a puppy regulating the lyrium himself?” 

“Um. Yes.” Aelon sounded stuck somewhere between giggles and shock. 

I set my jaw and started running through every templar in Skyhold that I knew of, pulling their names to the front of my mind so I had an argument ready by the time I got there. Sa’nehn helpfully scooped Wisdom up off of Solas’ desk as we passed by and Solas actually looked resigned when I swept by. Of course, I was breathing hard by the time I reached Cullen’s office and I took a moment to breathe and make sure to pull my aura tightly in so that I didn’t have glowing eyes. As soon as I was mostly breathing normally, I pushed open the door. 

A scraping rattle drew my eyes downwards and I saw the shattered scraps of a box and the ringing feeling of lyrium. I grimaced down at the mess. “Aelon, would you mind getting that shit out of here? It stinks.” 

She nodded and I carefully stepped over the glowing puddle and into Cullen’s office. I looked around and found Cullen leaning heavily against the bookshelf by the door, Kost practically holding him up by his shoulder. Ah… this bit then. I walked over to his desk, ignoring the stares of both men, and looked at the water pitcher. Mostly full. I sighed and set my knitting bag down and climbed up the ladder to Cullen’s loft.

“Lady Wolf!” Cullen gasped, sounding pained and scandalized. I ignored him and went to his bed and sniffed. It smelled like old sweat. I stripped the bed and rolled the sheets up in the blanket and tossed them down the ladder before climbing back down.

“Sa’nehn, would you find someone to wash these and bring clean sheets and blankets? Also, maybe a quilt if we have one to spare.”

Sa’nehn nodded and set Wisdom down before he grabbed the makeshift bundle and left the office and I turned to Cullen and Kost and crossed my arms. “Nausea?” 

Cullen nodded uncomfortably.

“Headache?” Another nod. “Dizziness?” Another nod. “Joint pain?” another nod. I sighed and uncrossed my arms. 

Kost glanced between us with an uncertain expression, still practically holding Cullen up. “Um… do I need to leave?”

“That’s up to him. Cullen, I need you to take your armor off so I can get at your shoulders properly.” 

I moved to his desk and dug through the drawers until I found the half used bottle of massage oil. I set it on the desk and then opened up my bag. A jar of chamomile tea with a precious drizzle of honey went beside the massage oil. Then the packet of dry toast and a little piece of candied ginger. I busied myself with arranging the items until I heard the sound of buckles being undone and I went to the door and bolted it from one side. I left the other side open, simply because I didn’t want Cullen to feel trapped, but Aelon gave me a look that meant she would be keeping people out. 

I turned back and Kost was neatly stacking Cullen’s armor onto the floor beside his desk and Cullen was sitting rigidly at his desk. His shirt was sticking to him, drenched in sweat and he looked… as small as a man as large as he was could look. I silently picked up the jar of tea, took a sip to check the temperature, and then handed it to him. 

“Hydrate. It’s chamomile, for your stomach.” I said quietly. 

He blushed, two sickly spots of red over his pale cheekbones, but took the tea and carefully sipped it. Wisdom jumped up onto his desk and began purring softly.

“May I move behind you?” I asked. 

Cullen’s shoulders tensed but he nodded stiffly. I carefully moved behind him. “Do you want me to keep talking so you know it’s me?” 

Another stiff nod. I could see Kost watching the both of us intently as I opened up the massage oil and poured some into my hands. “I brought a little bit of ginger. It is good for settling your stomach, but if you eat it every day it can help with joint pain as well.” I kept my voice as soft as I could. “I don’t have enough to give it to you every day yet, but Saam is working on growing some more from a root thumb Maeva brought her. We should have more in a few weeks.” 

I started carefully soothing the tension from his neck. “You need to hydrate. That pitcher should be half empty by now.” 

Cullen’s shoulders dropped slightly and he took another sip of the tea over Wisdom wiggling into his lap. Aelon finished cleaning up the lyrium and silently left the office. I looked over at Kost. “Someone else needs to handle the lyrium doses.” 

Cullen started to protest but I dug my thumbs into the knots of tension at the base of his neck and his argument trailed off into a sigh. Kost’s eyebrows raised in clear surprise and I gave him a slight shrug as I tried my best to get the tension out of Cullen’s neck and shoulders. “Lysette or Rylen can handle it, can’t they?”

“Rylen.” Cullen said through a soft exhale. He took another sip of tea and pet Wisdom’s fur.

“That’s good.” I praised him. “That’s good. Do you think you can try the ginger now?” 

I kept up a stream of soft chatter as I worked at the muscles of his neck and shoulders, all under Kost’s curious eye. By the time Sa’nehn returned with an armful of folded fabric, I had managed to get him to eat half of the bread and drink all of the tea. He was slumped forward over his desk, his forehead resting on the polished wood and his arms hanging loose by his sides. I had started talking about trying to get a spinning wheel and a sheep when Sa’nehn came back down the ladder and nodded at me before slipping out of the office. It was ready then. I injected a thank you into my chatter, and then brushed my fingers through Cullen’s hair, pulling it away from his face. 

“Do you think you can get up the ladder?”

“Mmhmm.” 

“Good. That’s good. Come on you Ferelden puppy, up the ladder.” I coaxed and Wisdom slipped off of his lap.

Kost’s eyebrows flew up again but Cullen didn’t react more than to sluggishly haul himself out of the chair. I had to guide him with gentle pushes on his arms, he was so out of it. “Get in bed. You’re having a day of rest.” 

He shuffled towards the bed and I laid down and extended my hand down through the trap door. “Would you pass up the water pitcher and the glass?”

Kost obliged and I heard Cullen’s uncertain shuffling as I brought the objects up and set them up on the makeshift end table by Cullen’s bed. He was laying face first across it and I couldn’t help an eye roll as I pulled his boots off and threw the quilt over him as he watched me through half closed eyes. I slipped down the ladder again to get my knitting bag.

“I’m going to stay with him and make sure he rests.” I whispered to Kost. “You did encourage him to stop using it, right?”

He nodded. “Did I do the right thing?”

“Definitely. Lyrium is a poison.”

He let out a relieved breath, then glanced up at the loft. “You and Cullen…?”

At least he asked directly. “He’s hurting. I help hurt people.” 

Kost nodded, then tentatively pulled me into a hug. “You’re a good person, Fen.” 

“So are you, Kost.” I gave him a tight squeeze before pulling away. “Would you tell Sa’nehn that he doesn’t have to stay out there all day?”

“He will though.” 

“Yes.” I sighed. “But it will be from his own stubbornness, not because he thinks he is obligated to.”

Kost glanced up at the ceiling above us. “I… I would stay too but I have to…”

“Inquisitor things. I get it. That’s why you have me.” I gave him another squeeze before pulling away and smiling up at him. “I do my best to take care of people. You save the world. And hydrate.”

He laughed quietly. “Ma’am, yes, ma’am.” He gave me an unreadable look before smiling and leaving quietly and I climbed back up the ladder with my knitting bag. There wasn’t a chair up here so I just perched on the bed beside Cullen. It was large enough for my tiny butt. 

He rolled onto his back when I settled in and gave me a sleepy yet panicked look. “What… what are you doing?” 

“Getting comfortable.” I held up my knitting in illustration. “I don’t trust you to stay in bed like you need, so I’m staying here to keep an eye on you.”

He blushed the sickly, splotchy blush and moved like he was about to sit up, but froze when I put my hand firmly in the center of his chest.

“Cullen. Rest. I can and will sit on you if it makes you stay in bed.” 

He held his breath for a long second before exhaling and relaxing back into the mattress. I waited for a moment before removing my hand. Almost immediately it was replaced by Wisdom’s purring form as she curled up on his chest and to all appearances went to sleep.

“Your virtue is safe from me, don’t worry.” I said softly. “Just rest.”

He still seemed uncomfortable so I focused on my knitting, humming under my breath and pretending this wasn’t even more awkward for me than the conversation after my testing. After a few rounds his expression relaxed and his eyes half closed as he watched my hands work. 

“You dream of us.” Cullen said, and only the soft tone of his voice kept me from jumping. I had thought he had dozed off by now. 

“Sometimes.”

“Do you know… what happens to me? Without lyrium?” He asked. 

I reached over and pushed the curls off of his forehead and checked his temperature with the gesture. He wasn’t feverish even though he was sweating still. “A mabari. Grey and white. It likes you, lets you pet it. A home where you help others purge the poison from their veins so they can be free like you.”

His eyes fluttered shut in relief and Wisdom’s purring kicked up a notch. I resumed my knitting and humming, the click of my needles soft under the sound of Wisdom’s purrs and my tune. Cullen’s breaths evened out and I thought he had fallen asleep… until he spoke again.

“I asked the Inquisitor… how he always seemed so sure he was doing the right thing.” Cullen’s eyes were closed and one of his hands lifted to run over Wisdom’s fur. “He said… that he always imagined himself in the other person’s position, and then acted how he would want someone to act for him.” 

“That’s a decent policy.” I tried to focus on my knitting. 

“I think…” His voice was slightly muffled with near sleep. “I think I fell in love with you in Haven.”

What?! I gave him a panicked look but his eyes were closed.

“You were… always getting in fights. Tiny. Tiny and the first I saw you, you were fighting. Helping. Adorable and terrifying.” 

What?! I could only blink in shock at him, but he seemed almost like he was talking in his sleep. 

“At the battle… you didn’t run. Stayed and helped to the last. I wished… I wished I could be as brave as you were. So sure you were doing the right thing.” 

He rolled onto his stomach suddenly and his arm fell over my lap but I don’t think he realized what he was doing. I felt a trace of panic at the heavy weight and Wisdom wiggled out from under his shoulder to sit on his back and flick her tail.  _ He is only seeking comfort. _

Oh.

Cullen’s face was now pressed into the pillow and he was still rambling but his words were muffled. I was hoping he’d finally drift but he turned his head and gave a sleepy awed kind of smile. “And then I frightened you and you still… you still came and helped. You faced Leliana. Maker knows I am half terrified of the woman at times, but you marched right up to her and… you were so sure you were right. That protecting your people was the right thing.”

I didn’t… I really didn’t know what to do with this. I awkwardly set my knitting down and started petting his hair, hoping it would make him pass out and get some actual rest. 

His eyes slipped closed but the man just kept… talking. “You redeemed Rainier, made him into something new, something better.”

“He did that himself. I just gave him a chance.” I finally found my voice to contradict him. 

He made a ‘Uhhum’ sound and I hoped he was finally out when he didn’t start talking right away. But alas, no, I had no such luck. “He loves you too, they all do. Can’t help it.”

What?! I gave Wisdom a panicked look of question but she just slow blinked in agreement. 

Cullen scooted slightly until his face was actually pressed against my leg, his eyes still closed. “You saved Rainier, and the Inquisitor… The Iron Bull even cares for you… Do you think I could make myself something better?” 

I resisted the urge to thunk my head against the wall behind me. Gods save me from hero worship or whatever this was. “I think you already are.”

He made a happy humming noise and I let out a soft sigh and picked my knitting back up. “I hope you know that I will be teasing you about this when you wake up.” I murmured. 

His only reply was that he didn’t usually like cats and then he finally, blessedly, fell asleep. 


	33. Chapter 33

Wisdom left after Cullen was soundly asleep but I stayed with him until evening fell and my stomach growling right by his ear woke him up. He blinked blearily up at me, then down to where his arm was still firmly across my thighs, and then he flushed bright red and pulled away as if I had burned him.

“Maker’s breath, Fen… forgive me, I-” He scrambled out of the bed and covered his face with his hand.

“It’s alright.” I stood up slowly and stretched some feeling back into my legs. “You needed to rest and I am apparently ‘adorable and tiny’ and am good for cuddles.”

He made a pained noise in his throat. “Maker help me… I  _ talked _ .”

“Mmhmm.” I agreed and began gathering up my knitting into my bag with a grin. I had finished Leliana’s boot cuffs. “That you did. How are you feeling?”

He was silent for a few seconds before he sighed. “Better than in months, honestly.” 

“Good. I’m glad I could help. I need to go eat, and so do you.” I slung my bag over my shoulder and moved to the other side of the bed to pour him a glass of water and push it into his hand. “You need to eat, drink some water, and remember that Knight-Commander Rylen is now in charge of regulating the lyrium doses.”

He took the water and lifted it to his mouth, and then froze and frowned at me. “You called me a puppy.” 

I grinned unrepentantly up at him and nodded. “I did. I’ll have someone send up some food for you. I need to check on my pack.” 

He was still blushing but he fixed me with an earnest look. “Fen… Forgive me for… I don’t want to make things… awkward for you. I… know you and Solas…” 

“It’s alright.” I said softly. “You’re still my friend. You… will have to be honest with me however. I’m… I’m a very affectionate person and I don’t want to hurt you. If I need to back off or stop-”

“No!” He blurted out and then blushed even further and took a long gulp of the water. “I… value your friendship. You… you are a very singular person. I would not ask you to change anything.” 

“Alright.” I gave him a bracing smile. “If you ever have a spare moment, the knitting lessons are still on offer. You also now know that I  _ will _ know if you are not telling me you’re having headaches, so tell me.”

“How did you know?” He frowned.

I patted the wall of his room as I headed for the ladder. “I speak to the stones.”

He was actually eyeing the wall with an expression of embarrassed concern as I went down the ladder. Aelon and Sa’nehn were playing cards with a pair of guards outside Cullen’s office door when I left it. 

“Castellan.” Aelon drawled.

The guards scrambled to their feet with panicked expressions and stammered apologies. I waved my hand dismissively. “I don’t care. Would one of you go to the kitchens and bring the Commander some supper?”

They both saluted and hurried off and Sa’nehn sighed. “And I had a good hand too.” 

“Sorry, love.” I said sympathetically. “I didn’t mean to break up the game.”

“I did. My hand was terrible.” Aelon muttered as she gathered up the cards. “You’re heading to the Den for dinner.”

That was the most unsubtle command I had heard. I rolled my eyes. “In fact, I am.” 

I just had a stop to make on the way first. I bumped foreheads with Aelon and Sa’nehn and headed for the stairs down. The stairs that led down to directly in front of the stables. Sa’nehn groaned when I turned towards the stables. 

“Lady Wolf…”

“I’m just going to say hi to Loyalty and ask it a question. Dinner next.” I gave him a mischievous smirk and slipped into the stable, coming to a halt in front of Loyalty’s stall. It stuck its head over the door and I felt it reach for me in greeting. I gave it a brush of mana and stretched up to pat its nose. “Hello, dear. Would you like to move into the Den with us? We have plenty of room and there is also access to the whole valley.”

_ I would be honored. It might cause some concern to move me there. _

I grinned and unlatched its door. “I tend to have that effect. Really though, I just don’t want to walk up the stairs to the castle.”

Loyalty snorted and went to its knees in front of me so I could climb onto its back. Sa’nehn made a strangled noise in his chest before tentatively getting onto Loyalty’s back behind me and holding onto my waist tightly. Loyalty carefully stood up and started walking out of the stable, keeping its gait smooth so I could keep my balance with only my legs and my grip on its mane. It felt like it might have filled out a bit, its ribs not as prominent and deathlike. 

The merchants and people in the courtyard all fell silent and parted as I rode through them sedately. I saw Cassandra’s mouth fall open as we neared the stairs to the main castle and the Chargers and Bull spilled out of the tavern to watch with raised eyebrows and grins as Loyalty considered the stairs and then carefully placed a hoof on the stone experimentally. 

Sa’nehn and I had to lean forward as Loyalty carefully began picking its way up the stone steps and my heart was in my throat at the precariousness of this whole climb. This was a terrible idea, in the same way riding a roller coaster was a terrible idea. Loyalty helpfully paused on the landing and I turned my head and pried my fingers loose from Loyalty’s mane to wave down to the cackling figure on the Tavern roof that could only be Sera. She probably thought this was the best prank ever. 

Another white knuckled, exhilarating ride later, I was riding Loyalty through the massive doors of the main hall and drawing gasps and even a few shrieks as I entered on the back of my beloved undead horse. I grinned cheekily at Varric, who was staring at me with his mouth open from his little nook. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he turned to his papers and began scribbling frantically. 

I gave Loyalty a nudge with my mana to guide it to the doors to the garden, then focused and tried to replicate the instinctive spell I had used to open the War Room door. I managed to pull the door open and Loyalty did a very unhorselike maneuver where it ducked down and crawled through the doorway. Sa’nehn and I had to lean forward and press ourselves to its neck in order to not get scraped off, but we made it, and then I was giving Mother Giselle a sharp grin as she gaped at the sword through Loyalty’s head as it stood and shook its mane dramatically. I loved it. 

I guided it to the wards and then to the hidden entrance and I could almost taste its excitement as we descended the ramp. Sa’nehn slid off when we reached the room and opened the door up so Loyalty could do the unhorselike crawl again. 

“Maker’s sweaty smalls!” Andrew yelped as we came into the main cavern.

I waved at him with a smile. “It’s just me and Loyalty.” 

Saam was gaping at us from over the cooking glyph while Maeva was just cackling into Amund’s arm. Almost all of the pack was there and all of them were staring at me with various expressions of shock, amusement, and in Solas’ case, resignation. I dismounted by the valley entrance (with Loyalty’s help because it was in the body of a massive war horse and I was but an elf) and showed Loyalty how to open it, then kissed its nose and told it to have fun. It definitely felt excited as it slipped through the wall spell and headed down to the valley. 

I turned back to face the pack and clasped my hands together and smiled innocently. “So. What’s for supper?” 

“Cabbage stew.” Saam answered automatically, her eyes still fixed on the valley path. “Did you…?”

“Ride Loyalty through the courtyard, up the stairs, through the main hall and gardens, and down into the Den? Yes. Yes, I did.” I moved to the gathered people and started giving head bumps. Thom picked me up and hugged me and he smelled like sawdust and grass. I saved Solas for last, standing on tip toe to kiss him.

“I am glad to see you.” He said and hugged me gently, his nose going to my neck. He inhaled softly and then pulled back with a slight grimace. “You smell of lyrium.” He said softly.

I made a face. “It was spilled on the floor, I probably stepped in it.”

I moved away long enough to pull my boots off and set them aside and then went directly back to Solas’ side. Rasa wiggled into my lap and I listened intently to Jim talking about the different things he had heard that day. Andrew was humming contentedly and helping Saam serve out the bowls of stew and I was glad to see him happy. Which reminded me… I looked over and found the three mages still in the Den, watching everything closely and with a bit of confusion. Lisa saw me looking at her and hesitantly moved over so she was close enough to speak to me.

She waited until Jim started talking to Amund about learning to carve before she spoke to me, quietly and a bit timid still. “You… have built yourself a safe place.”

I nodded. “We’re pack and we look out for each other.” 

“Mina explained.” She said softly, looking over at Andrew. “We… we had something of the sort when we were younger. Andrew was the oldest of us and had gone to the Circle before us. He took us in when we were pulled from the alienage and farms, protected us from the human mages, taught us how to go unnoticed by the Templars. We all looked out for each other. When the circles fell…” Her fingers went up to the scar on her throat. “We got him out. Did the best we could to take care of him. People… aren’t kind to tranquil.”

“I know.” I said softly, jabbing my spoon into my bowl a little too forcefully. “One of my… someone told me once, that the true measure of a person’s kindness is in how they treat what cannot defend itself.” 

“And you cured him.” She said firmly. “You cured him, took him in, tried to help him, feed him, protect him. We want… we want to join your pack. We want to be part of that”

I blinked at her, surprised, and she seemed to take it as the signal to plea her, their, case. “We will help just as we helped each other. Look out for each other. I’m a creation mage. I excel in healing magics as well as growing things and potions. Gerald focused more on wards and barriers but is also good with glyphs. Mae prefers to focus on ice spells, but she can branch out if needed. We can be good assets to your pack.”

“You’re not assets.” At her crestfallen expression I hurried to explain. “You’re people, not assets. A person, not a thing. You are important because you are people. If you want to join the pack and the pack accepts you, that is all that is needed.” 

_ They burn with fury. They wish to protect the Tranquil. To help them. _ Rage said as he rested his head onto my shoulder from behind. I reached up and petted his head. 

I looked up at the sound of hoofbeats on the stone and saw Loyalty plodding its way over. Lisa froze, wide eyed, as it nosed at her hair, then huffed in a ghostly way that was more impression than air.  _ They would swear themselves to you. You give their rage purpose and it makes them loyal. _

“No binding, no swearing.” I sighed in exasperation and then lifted my hand into the air. “Everyone who agrees to making Lisa, Gerald, and Mae pack raise their hands.”

There was a brief pause and then hands flew up. Loyalty lifted a hoof and Rage lifted a wing, which was adorable and I couldn’t help a laugh as we lowered our hands. “Any opposed?”

Nada. Amund moved over and pressed a trio of bracelets into my hands, the charms carved far more skillfully than my simple efforts. I thanked him and worked the pack spell onto the charms and then greeted each mage to the pack with a head bump before fastening the bracelet onto their wrists. “These will allow you through the wards and wall spells. I would ask that you do not speak of what goes on down here, but if there is anyone who needs help, you can bring them to me, and you can of course nominate anyone you think would like to join the pack, just bring them to the Rotunda to meet me.” 

Mae frowned. “Just like that? There really isn’t… there isn’t an initiation? No apprenticeship?” 

I shook my head and gestured at the pack. “The pack accepted you. You’re pack. This isn’t a circle, this is our Den. Somewhere for us to be safe and ourselves.”

Lisa glanced over to Andrew. “What of him?”

“After he heals some more he can join if he wishes to, or he can go as he wishes. Right now, he just needs to be safe and this is the safest spot in Thedas for him.” 

Gerald looked around the cavern with a calculating expression. “You could fit a lot of people in here.”

“Mmhmm. And we have the valley as well.” 

Mae’s eyes lit up in excitement. “The valley? What is it like? Is it as green as it looks from the walls?”

Gerald elbowed her and she flushed and ducked her head. 

“It is green. Thick grass, old trees, Thom and Amund have been working to start building fences and houses down there for us. I’m working on getting us chickens and sheep.” I definitely wanted to encourage my people to move into the valley and make it theirs.

Mae fidgeted. “My… my parents were farmers. Grew elfroot and learned how to culture royal elfroot. I learned a lot before I was found.”

Saam scooted towards her excitedly. “Can we write to them? I’ve been having trouble getting the royal elfroot to take to the soil.”

Mae’s face darkened. “They’re dead. It was a ‘bad acquisition’ because they tried to hide me.” She sighed and then put on a smile. “But the secret is Royal elfroot doesn’t like water. Stony soil and make it thirst.” 

I felt a flare of rage at the thought of her parents being murdered for the ‘crime’ of protecting their child. Solas’ hand fell onto my knee firmly and I focused on my bowl of stew. Mae obviously didn’t want to make a big deal over it. Saam faltered and then carefully reached out and pressed her forehead to Mae’s. “Thank you. I can show you the key to the valley in the morning.” 

“How do you tell what time of day it is anyway?” Gerald said a touch too loudly, obviously trying to change the subject for Mae.

Saam, Maeva, and Mae started speaking animatedly about plants and other conversations cropped up among the pack around them, Andrew growing excited and enthusiastic over a conversation with Dagna over one of her magic testing inventions. I leaned against Solas and just listened while I ate, feeling content. When I finished my stew, Solas took the bowl from my hands and set it aside with pointed deliberateness before hooking his arm under my knees and picking me up princess style.

A quick glance was enough to confirm that he was headed for his room and I couldn’t help a grin. “Oh, it’s like that now is it?” 

He smirked slightly but said nothing as he nudged the door to his room open and carried me inside. He kicked it shut and then carefully set me on his bed before… kneeling on the ground in front of me and just… looking at me with a wondering expression.

“What is it?” I moved onto my knees and reached out to put my hand on his cheek.

His eyes fluttered shut for a moment before he reached up and splayed his hand over mine. “You were gone most of the day. Unreachable in the Commander’s tower.”

“I was making him take a nap.” And now I probably would have to field more rumors about sleeping with him. “He needed the rest.” 

He smiled slightly. “Helping, as always then.” 

“Mmhmm. He… he said that he is in love with me.” 

Solas nodded against my hand as if that was no great surprise to him.

I frowned at him and reached out to snag his shirt and pull him to me. “You knew?”

“It is obvious to all who know to look. You have earned his respect.” He obligingly sat on his mattress and pulled me into his lap, resting his chin on my shoulder as he held me. 

“He said Thom, and Kost, and even Bull.” 

“And myself and Movran and even, I believe, Sa’nehn.” He followed this bind boggling statement with a kiss to my jaw.

“But… I’m just  _ me _ . I’m just a too skinny, too short, high tempered punk with anxiety.”

“You. Yes, you. Despite your small size, you fight for what you believe is right.” His hand moved to settle over my ribcage. “You are thin because you work so hard to better the situation of others that you neglect yourself, so urgent is your desire to help. Despite your fear, you fight and shout and growl and you… you change things.”

His voice was almost hypnotic in its intensity. “You burn so brightly. You care so deeply, your passion shines out and...” He turned his head to kiss the point of my ear. “You inspire the same brightness of spirit in everyone you touch. Everywhere I turn, I see the wake of your steps and words.”

“I’m just a person.” I felt close to crying, overwhelmed by the awe in his voice. 

“A person who’s very spirit is aflame with fury and kindness. A singular person in a world of shadows.”

“Uh-uh.” I started to turn in his lap, to give him a piece of my mind about putting me on pedestals, but he held me tightly still.

“Patience, I did not finish.” He kept me firmly in place until I folded my arms and waited for him to finish. 

“A world of shadows, but every person you inspire lights up. There is a growing ripple of brightness apart from you. I have never seen the like.” He whispered against my ear. “A timid, ‘dangerous thing’ becomes a gentle and nurturing den keeper. A wounded soldier becomes a sly and fierce provider. A murderer becomes a builder of homes.”

“Hope does that to people.” I argued. “Anyone can inspire others.”

“Perhaps.” He conceded. “But for today, it is you.” His hand moved from my ribs to gently lay against my throat. “I… find myself learning from you.” He confessed quietly. “Your ideas of consent… of freedom and right and wrong… They are so far beyond what I thought I knew, yet… yet it resonates with me. You embody everything I hold important, but taken further than I had dreamed. You have given me my own hope for the future of this world.” 

Hello stomach flutters and company. I turned my head and kissed him and he returned it passionately, but when I tried to turn around in his lap to straddle him, he broke the kiss with a huffed laugh and kept me from turning. “You need rest. We will have time tomorrow when you do not stink of the Commander and lyrium and you have slept. Tomorrow you are taking another day off.” I pulled away to frown at him and he smirked. “It was a unanimous vote, Emma’Tarlen’Fen.”

“You’re playing dirty, bringing out the votes.” I sighed but conceded and relaxed into his arms. Then groaned. “Dammit, I can’t even get fade nookie because I’ll be guarding Andrew’s dreams.” 

“Fade… Nookie?” He sounded torn between amusement and disgust. “What is-”

I wiggled my butt against his lap pointedly and his hands dropped to my hips to hold me still. 

“Ah.” His fingers flexed on my hips thoughtfully. “I can speak to him… if he is willing I can ward his dreams from spirits.”

“I’m more worried about nightmares.”

He was silent for a long moment before he pressed his chin to my shoulder again and sighed. “Very well.”

“I’ll catch you tomorrow.” I promised with another pointed butt wiggle.

I felt him press a smile into my neck. “I will look forward to it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeyyyy, my depression is hitting again, so updates may or may not slow down as it all depends on how much Serotonin my brain decides it can make *this and all of my other works will not be abandoned, it just may take a while depending on my energy levels in the future*


	34. Chapter 34

I woke up alone. This displeased me. The thought of being stuck by myself underground did not appeal to me. I dunked myself into the bathing pool, got dressed, and then went and found my knitting bag. I ate a bowl of porridge while composing a letter to Leliana. I had an idea of how I wanted to spend my day, and it was to cause problems. Minor problems, mostly of the ‘what the fuck’ kind.

_ Leliana, _

_ I know you like pretty shoes, but I don’t know how to make those, so I made a pair of boot cuffs for you instead. Please forgive the method of delivery, the pack has decided I need a day of rest. _

_ Fen _

I drew a careful drawing of how the boot cuffs went, and then folded them up inside the letter and tied them onto a string. I had apparently slept in and most of the pack was gone, and Sa’nehn had gone off on some personal things, obviously assuming I’d be staying in the Den today. Thom and Amund were in the valley and had apparently taken Andrew and the mages… this left me with Maeva. 

I grinned at her and walked over. “Hey! Can I ask you a favor?”

“Sure, Lady Wolf.” She took the string and packet that I handed to her with an amiable expression.

“Wonderful. First, don’t scream, second, would you tie that around my neck?”

“Wh-” Her question trailed off into a sharp inhale through her teeth as I shifted into a wolf in front of her. Her eyes were wide and she stayed frozen for a long moment before she cautiously spoke. “Can I… can I pet you?”

I thumped my tail and bowed my head for her and I felt her card her fingers through the fur on my head and Oh! That actually felt really, really nice. She let out a disbelieving laugh and then tied the package around my neck. “You… you are something else, Lady Wolf.” She petted my ears thoughtfully. “I’m assuming you don’t want word of this getting out.” 

I licked her hand in agreement and she wrinkled her nose in disgust and wiped it on her shirt. “Go on with you. Go terrify the chantry sisters for me.” 

I gave her an enthusiastic ‘boof’ and then trotted towards the ramp. I could do that. The ramp was nice and easy to climb with four legs and I was ambushed halfway up by Wisdom, who just pounced on my back and settled down in the space between my shoulder blades. I was large enough for her to just sit back and enjoy the ride. Mother Giselle was  _ livid _ when I made my appearance past the notice me not wards. 

“This is too far! First the cat, and the goose, and the- the  _ abomination _ of a horse! And now a wolf? Something must be done.” She seethed to a nearby sister. 

I just gave her a very pointed yawn that showed off my very impressive canine teeth as I brushed by her. She drew back hurriedly and I ran into my first problem when I reached the garden door. I had no thumbs. I stood in front of it and thought. And thought. And thought. Until a nervous man who was dressed as a Fereldon noble sidled up.

“What is it, girl?” He held his hand out like one would to a dog and I obliged him by sniffing, giving him a tail wag, and then lifting my paw up and scratching at the door. 

He glanced at the door uncertainly. “I’m not sure if I should…” He cautiously pet my head, running his fingers back down until they met the string around my neck. He frowned thoughtfully as he looked at the package. “I would wager you belong to that elf girl, the one who runs the place.”

I braced myself for a derogatory comment, but he just pulled his hand away from my fur and opened the door. “Well, if you’re running an errand for her it can’t hurt too badly.” 

I gave him a tail wag in thanks and slipped through the door. I was again, greeted by shrieks and gasps and I put on my best strut as I trotted directly over to Varric. He was clutching his quill tightly and staring at me with wide eyes that flicked to Wisdom before he abruptly relaxed.

“Hey there, pup. You’re one of Fluffy’s aren’t you?” 

He did the hand sniff offer, which I took. He smelled like paper, soot, and ‘Varric’. Then he rubbed my ears and really? That felt amazing. I loved it. I may have whined when he stopped. He chuckled and then pulled a scrap of meat off of his plate. 

“Oh, I bet she has you spoiled.” He offered the meat to me and I delicately took it from his fingers, careful not to accidentally nip or slobber on him. It was delicious.

He gave me another ear rub and tugged at the string on my neck. “Looks like you’re supposed to be delivering this, pup. Go on, don’t let me distract you.” 

I rested my muzzle on the table and eyed his plate, giving him what felt like soulful puppy eyes. He let out a little sigh, but gave me the rest of his meat, muttering under his breath about being a sucker for puppy eyes.

I gave him my most enthusiastic tail wag in thanks and headed for the Rotunda. Only to come across the same problem as before. No thumbs. How did Rage and Wisdom deal with this?

_ We aren’t technically physical. If we forget we have a form for a moment we can move through the doors. _

That… was fascinating. But did not help me. I scratched at the door and gave a mournful whine and ignored the murmurs of the horrified nobles. Though, most of the horror seemed to come from the Orlesian quarter. The Fereldons seemed amused. To my surprise, my help did not come from the Ferelden quarter. It was someone who looked like a Riviani. He hesitantly reached past me and opened the door and I gave him a grateful ‘boof’ and a tail wag before slipping into the Rotunda. 

Solas wasn’t at his desk so I trotted up the stairs to the library. Dorian wasn’t in his seat either. I hoped they weren’t off having arguments without me. Leliana was standing at the top of the stairs by the time I reached them, a dagger in her hand and her eyes narrowed at me. I sat on the floor in front of her and let my tongue loll out of my mouth as I thumped my tail, trying to give the impression of ‘friendly canine’. Wisdom slid off of my back with a disgruntled meow and went to rub against Leliana’s boots before heading down the stairs. I had the impression Leliana didn’t want her near her birds. 

Leliana studied me and I lifted my muzzle to show off the package at my neck. 

“Where does she get you things?” She finally sighed and moved to cut the package from my neck. “A goose and a cat are odd enough, but now a wolf? The woman is made of secrets.” 

She opened up the package and frowned at the lace, and then her eyebrows flew up as she read the note. I had never seen her so expressive. 

“Well…” She mused as she sat on a nearby crate. “Isn’t this interesting. What is this supposed to be? It’s too sweet to be a threat.” She lifted the lace up and sniffed it curiously, still musing out loud to me. “She used my name and her own instead of our titles. It’s personal. What do you think, wolf?” 

She directed at me and I took that as an invitation to wiggle closer to her so she could rub my ears. Which she did, though absently as she studied the letter. “Perhaps a thank you gift? The noble she pointed out to me is dealt with, but only minutes ago. She could not know of it already. As well as, she would not have had enough time to make these. Although I have not been able to figure out her sources besides the obvious.” 

She made a considering noise and then ruffled my ears. “Well… it would be rude to refuse such a thoughtful gift… wouldn’t it?”

Her tone was a little wistful so I gave her an encouraging ‘boof’ and a tail thump.

“You’re quite right. She obviously went to some effort on my behalf.” She smiled and set about putting on the boot cuffs. They were hidden by the hem of her robes, but she still seemed delighted by them, even doing a little twirl so her robe swirled up and I could catch a glimpse of lace. “Such a strange woman… I’ll have to think of an appropriate thank you gift. As far as I can tell this is an overture of friendship…” 

I thumped my tail again and she gave me another narrow glance before her face softened. “Mahonan had a mabari. Horrible, slobbery, stinking beast…” She reached out and carefully dug her fingers into the fur around my neck. “You’re much more polite.” 

Leliana petted my fur for a minute before moving to her table. I thought I was being dismissed, but she came right back with a strip of jerky in her hands. “You were such a good runner.” She cooed and offered me the meat. This was… so surreal. I politely took the jerky, which was delicious, and got another ear ruffle before she shooed me off. 

I wondered exactly how many treats I could wheedle out of people… A train of thought that was derailed when I reached the Rotunda and found a startled Solas staring at me from his desk. He blinked at me. I wagged my tail at him. 

“You are supposed to be in the Den.” He said when he finally found his voice. 

Feeling playful, I let my tongue loll out and did a play bow and he ran a hand over his face. “Tarlen… you need to go back to the Den.” 

I wiggled closer to him and snapped my jaws. A smile crossed his face before it was quickly smoothed away. “A game then?”

I perked my ears up, interested, and he smiled in earnest. “If I manage to lay a hand on you, you will return to the Den immediately.” 

I considered this. He could fade step, and I didn’t have thumbs… But it could be fun. I lifted my muzzle and dropped it in a nod, and then immediately launched myself directly at him. I had guessed right. He appeared in the spot I had just been in and I was on the other side of the desk. It was a game of quick thinking after that, him trying to predict where I would leap to next and me just… jumping at random and hoping I was right. Then the door opened and I bolted past the startled runner and into the main hall.

Solas was right on my heels and I raced for the main doors, my claws scrabbling on the stone as I turned and pelted down the stairs at a breakneck speed. Solas was cursing in elvhen right behind me but I had the advantage of a more solid center of gravity and made it down the steps first. I dashed away, past a gaping Dorian, and on impulse charged towards the Tavern, fortune favoring me as someone opened the door and I tumbled inside and ended up right at the foot of Krem’s chair. 

Krem was staring at me with wide eyes and I saw his fingers edge towards his dagger, so I whined and dropped to wiggle under the legs of his chair. I only could fit my head under it.

“You… you infuriating punk.” Solas sounded a bit breathless from the door. 

I thumped my tail at him and extracted myself from Krem’s chair legs and slunk to the back of the tavern and sat down by Bull, giving Solas a triumphant look as he followed me at a measured pace, trying to pull back into his hobo apostate persona. Bull looked down at me with raised eyebrows. 

“Solas… this is a wolf.”

“She is a punk.” He said dryly. “I am trying to return her to where she should be.” 

I grumbled in my chest and Bull gave me his fingers to sniff. I obliged and Solas gave me a pained look as I then shoved my head under his fingers for ear rubs. 

“She one of Fen’s?”

“Aren’t we all?” Solas sighed and evaded the question.

He reached for me and I tried to scramble behind Bull’s back. Bull actually picked me up like a lap dog and scratched under my jaw and… however wolves were wired was amazing because that felt awesome. 

“She seems antsy about you.” Bull said carefully. His hand splayed over my ribs and he frowned. “Damn, she’s thin.”

“She knows I am trying to return her to the Den.” Solas muttered good naturedly. “She needs rest and food.”

Dalish offered me a piece of meat, and when I happily accepted it, chuckled. “I feel practically blasphemous right now.” 

“What’s her name?” Krem had peeled himself off of his chair and came over to cautiously offer me ear rubs. 

Solas somehow gave me the flattest, but still incredibly amused expression before he tucked his hands behind his back. “Fen’Harel.”

I snorted and Dalish actually snatched her hand back and gave him a wide eyed look. “She named a wolf… the Dread Wolf?”

“I believe Fen said that in an older dialect, Harel meant rebel.” Solas said mildly. “But yes, and she has, as I believe the Dalish saying goes, caught your scent.” 

He was enjoying this. I wiggled out of Bull’s lap and started sniffing at Dalish’s hands and pockets and then giving her puppy eyes. She looked torn between cooing at me and terror.

“You fed her, now she’s going to follow you.” Skinner said.

“Hmm. Just like you.” Dalish said playfully, but tentatively gave me a scrap of bread. I was pretty sure bread was bad for canine livers, but… oh well. 

“Fen going to come after her?” Bull directed to Solas.

“The pack voted she should rest.” Solas said blandly. That man could talk circles around the truth.

“Aw. And Boss is joining us for drinks tonight.” Bull sounded genuinely disappointed even as he started scritching down my spine. 

I was feeling smug and blissful and Skinner gave me a piece of jerky and an ear rub. Solas sighed. “Is this what you will be doing?”

I gave him a boof of agreement. Cuddles and treats? Hell yes.

“Very well. I’m sure you will find your way back when you grow wearied.” 

He turned to go, and on impulse I gathered up some mana and tried to give it the smuggest, most satisfied flavor I could imagine, and then sent it to him. His shoulders stiffened mid movement and he gave me a sharp, amused glance. “Try not to cause trouble.” 

He walked off and I believed that meant I had won the game. Considering I was getting ear rubs and back scritches and Bull had just called to Cabot for a plate of meat, yeah. I had definitely won. Dalish squished my face between her hands and gave me a narrow look. “You’re not actually Fen’Harel, are you?”

I wagged my tail and perked my ears up and Krem laughed. “I think that means she is. I wonder if she knows any tricks…”

“If she’s like those Ferelden Mabari, she won’t follow commands from anyone besides Fen.” Skinner said in a shockingly syrupy voice as she scratched under my jaw. “Which would be why her lover had to chase her wolf through Skyhold.”

Rocky brought back the meat, which smelled absolutely amazing, and cut a piece off with his knife. “One way to find out.” He held the meat out to me. “Sit.”

I plopped my haunches on the ground.

And that was why Kost walked in to the tavern to find the Chargers cheering while I tried to balance a tankard on my head. He barely had time to form a, “What?” before I was pouncing on him. With the size of a timber wolf’s body I was able to put my forelegs on his shoulders and tuck my head into his neck in the approximation of a hug. 

“Boss! Meet Fen’Harel!” Bull called out cheerfully. “The smartest damned wolf I have ever seen.” 

Kost only hesitated a moment before running his fingers up and down my spine in an amazing backscratch before easing me back down to the ground and ruffling my ears. “I really need to find out how Fen keeps getting these things. Her goose has set up a nest in the gardens and won’t let anyone near the old well. I want one for my room.” 

“You could ask her if you can borrow Fen’Harel here. She’s got teeth behind all that fluff.” Krem said as he kicked out a chair for Kost. 

Kost took the seat with a chuckle and I sprawled happily over his feet to rest. Rocky helpfully put the plate with the leftover bits of meat down on the floor for me. “That sounds like Fen as well.”

The conversation flowed over my head as I half dozed, full and comfortable and completely unburdened by expectations. Kost and Bull both would lean down every now and then to pet my ears and it was nice. This was by far one of the most pleasant days I had spent. I was close to completely falling asleep when my name had me perking up an ear again.

“-Fen’s gift?” Bull asked amiably.

“It’s coming along. The Ferelden side was willing enough to sign it off after we took care of the Tevinter problem in Redcliffe. The Orlesian side is being insufferable, but Josephine says we should be able to wrangle a concession from them as well with time.”

I lifted my head, curious. A gift? That involved the Orlesians and Fereldens? 

“The real hitch though, is I need to speak to the Avvar. It’s technically their land, but I’m a lowlander.” 

Land? For me? But I had Skyhold?

“The Avvar sure do like her though.” Bull said, and it smelled… like he was being sly. 

“Leliana thinks she’s a Dalish that got kicked out of her clan because there were too many mages and was then raised by an Avvar tribe.” Kost said as he reached down to scratch at my ears. “But yeah, I’m hoping the Avvar will let it go for her.”

“I thought she was suspecting Fen was a Riviani’s adopted daughter.” Dalish said. She smelled offended. 

“I heard that she was raised by a pack of wolves.” Krem said.

It devolved into jokes about where I came from, which was hilarious, and more drinking. Eventually, someone spilled their drink on me and I gave them a very disgruntled growl as I shook my fur off onto them and started to stalk away. I left to a chorus of disappointed whines, but I just lifted my nose up in offense and waited by the door for someone to open it for me. How hard was it going to be to get beer out of my fur?

Kost obligingly stumbled over and opened the door for me with a soft command to, “go find Fen and make her rest.” 

I only got a few steps out of the tavern before I heard soft footsteps behind me and I turned my head to find a grumpy looking Sa’nehn fall in behind me. He said nothing when I stopped and looked at him, only stood still with his arms crossed and waited as if to see where I would go. He looked irritated. 

I felt my tail and ears droop at his expression and I turned to head to the stairs that led to the castle. The climb was easier with four legs, but still a climb. Sa’nehn still looked irritated as I slunk down to the Den. I was greeted by a crowd of disapproving expressions. Oh boy.

Onhalla stepped forward and crossed her arms. “Shift back.”

I complied, and then immediately regretted it as I was hit with a wave of exhaustion and sore muscles. “Ow.” Why, oh why, had I forgotten that wolf shape meant sore arms and hips? And magic… so much magic. 

Aelon made a ‘mmhmm’ noise and pointed at a cushion. “Sit.”

“I’m not-”

“Fen.” She glared at me.  _ Glared _ at me! “Sit.” 

I was feeling… a lot sheepish and very defensive but I sat down. I was too tired to do anything else really. “I didn’t do anything… Just relaxed and ate a lot.” 

“You expended a tremendous amount of mana holding your form for so long.” Solas said from behind me. He was so quiet. “Frankly, I’m impressed you are conscious at this point.” 

“I wasn’t-” I immediately forgot whatever argument my brain had been dredging up when Solas dug his fingers into the sore muscle of my shoulders and oh. That felt good. 

“You were supposed to rest today.” Onhalla sighed and sat down in front of me and began taking my shoes off before I could object.

“I didn’t… work. Just played and ate.” I muttered. I could feel my ears turning red but Solas was definitely keeping me from thinking straight as he worked at my shoulders with those wonderful fingers of his. 

“Well. At least you ate.” Saam grumbled as she plopped a bowl of stew in front of me. She squatted down so she wasn’t looming over me so badly and then actually lifted my chin with her fingers so I was looking at her. “Fen… we’re worried. You look like you could pass out at any moment. You’re thin, you have circles under your eyes. Don’t…” She swallowed and let her hand drop as she looked away. “Don’t work yourself into an early grave. We cant… we need you.” 

I felt… horrible. I hadn’t been thinking about the magic or the… or anything. I was just in a mood. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… think.”

“A habit of yours.” Aelon supplied in a tone that I think meant I was forgiven but that my shenanigans would not be forgotten. 

There was a beat of silence and I could just  _ feel _ their concern and irritation. I sighed when Solas found a particularly sore spot on the back of my shoulder and worked at it.

“Before…” I hesitated, uncertain… but it felt like I needed to tell them. “Before I came here I was sick. I always hurt, I was always tired, I never knew if I would be able to get up and have a good day or if I would barely manage to feed the chickens and haul myself back to bed.” 

Solas’ fingers tightened over my shoulders before relaxing abruptly. He knew I meant ‘before I died’. 

“So… I don’t know when to stop. Because compared to then I feel amazing. Yes, even now.” 

Everyone was quiet. Sa’nehn was watching me with a considering expression, though he still looked grumpy, he didn’t look irritated anymore.

“Why did you run off?” Maeva asked. There wasn’t any irritation in her voice, just curiosity. 

“I woke up alone.” I muttered, feeling myself blush further. “I’m not… overly fond of being alone. I woke up alone, felt good, and wanted to play.” 

Solas made a humming sound as he worked on my shoulders and I felt a small bit of healing mana settle into the muscles, soothing the worst of the soreness but not completely eliminating it so that I could build up the muscles. 

“So next time you have a day off, which will be tomorrow,” Mina said with a stern glance at me. “Two people will also take a day off. That way you still have pack. And will still  _ rest _ .” 

Amund made a rumbling sort of hum and crossed his arms. “I will stay,” he then looked at me with a thoughtful expression before adding. “The Pup that commands needs his lessons.”

The pup that- Cullen? He was talking about Cullen. ‘The pup that commands’... I started giggling at Amund calling Cullen a pup, and the giggled quickly veered into full bodied laughter that made my sore ribs hurt but it was. Just. so. Funny. 

The Pup.

Solas huffed in amusement and picked me up. “I believe that is a ‘yes’ and that now it is time for her to sleep.”

The Pup!


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut is between the asterisks if ye wish to avoid it

I slept like a rock until I woke up, sitting up in near panic in the realization that I hadn’t been keeping watch over Andrew’s dreams. I was immediately assaulted with sore muscles, a slight headache, and Wisdom’s disgruntled meow as she was dislodged from my chest. She shook her fur out and gave me a flat look.

_Solas watched over his dreams for you._

Oh. That was so thoughtful. Wisdom gave off a brush of amusement and then phased through the door. I was in the pack room, and while most everyone had gone about their day already, Lisa and Lahnehn were sitting on one of the mattresses with a book open between them and the slight shimmer of a spell in their fingers that died out quickly as they looked at me.

“Morning, Lady Wolf.” Lisa said with a subtle shift that hid the book under the hem of her robe. I wasn’t even sure she realized she was doing it.

“Morning.” Lahnehn said chipperly, too chipperly, then held up her hands and summoned a ball of ice, a furrow between her brows appearing as she levitated it above her palm. “I learned to make simple shapes with my ice and to make them float.”

“That’s amazing!” My voice felt hoarse. 

Lahnehn let the ice drop into her hand and moved to pick up an empty cup from near her. “This part is a little harder.” She said as she held the ice over the cup and concentrated. It melted, slowly at first, and then faster, directly into the cup. She let out a pleased breath and then handed the cup to me. 

“There. I can summon, float, melt, and then direct water. All without a staff!” She beamed proudly. 

“You are very talented.” I accepted the water and drank. It tasted crisp, like chilled distilled water. “And this is delicious water, thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.” Lahnehn stood up and straightened her dress. “Your schedule for the day involves a leisurely breakfast with Saam and Lisa, and then Amund will take you up to the Rotunda. Ser Wolf has-”

I choked, snorting my water through my nose and spiralling into a coughing fit. Eventually, I managed to catch my breath enough to wheeze. “Who?”

Lahnehn and Lisa both had their eyebrows raised in concerned amusement. Lisa gathered up the book and stood. “Solas. Some of the pack have begun to refer to him as Ser Wolf as he is… attached to our Lady Wolf.” 

She put a delicate emphasis on ‘attached’ and I had to cover my mouth and breathe through my giggles for a minute because this… was hilarious. The Dread Wolf himself was being called ‘Ser Wolf’... because he was sleeping with _me_. After a minute Lahnehn rolled her eyes. “Ser Wolf has informed me that he intends to stay in the Rotunda today for his studies. Lunch will be brought to you, and Amund will bring you down for supper.”

I forced away the slight hysteria and nodded. “That… sounds like a plan. Yup. That’s a plan. I’ll need my-”

“Your knitting bag has already been packed and an extra pair of needles and a ball of wool were added for the Commander.” 

“You are all amazing and I will be doing my best to actually rest and not accidentally magically strain myself. Again.” 

“Again.” Lisa sighed. “Because of course there is an ‘again’. Did your mentor not teach you how to monitor your mana levels?” 

“Um… no?” I hedged. “To be fair though, I’ve only known I was a mage for a few months and the sky kind of… exploded during that time.” 

“Maker’s breath… you really are just as young as you look.” Lisa said faintly.

I winced and wavered my hand. “Debatable. On an unrelated note… how old do I look?”

Lisa looked confused but Lahnehn just sighed. “Somewhere between eighteen years or twenty. You really should look in a mirror more often.” 

“We don’t have a mirror.” I pointed out as I stood up. Lahnehn gave a conceding nod and followed me out. I blinked in surprise when I found a low table set up by the cooking glyph. Thom had been busy. “Well, that’s awesome.” 

Breakfast was delicious and calm. Saam was naturally quiet, content to watch the others eat what she had cooked with an obvious air of pride. Lisa not so subtly started talking about how to monitor mana levels and I listened in interest, asking questions around the food tucked into my cheek until I impulsively lifted my hands to try a minor spell and suddenly I was scooped up around the waist by a giant arm.

Amund tucked me under his arm like a football. “No magic, Lady Wolf.” 

I went limp in resignation. “It was just a little spell.”

“You are very little as well.” He sounded amused as he carried me up the stairs. 

“Maybe I am normal sized and you are just half giant.” I countered as he took the stairs three at a time without effort. 

He made a thoughtful noise as he stepped through the wards into the Rotunda. “Perhaps. Perhaps not. There are many small people and many large people and many in between. Who is to say which is normal?”

“You are absolutely correct.” I… really liked Amund. 

He set me on the sofa, and threw one of his shoulder furs on me. While it hung comfortably from his shoulder, it completely enveloped me. It was like a blanket. A big, furry blanket that smelled like embrium and chalk. 

Solas gave me an amused glance from his desk. “On dhea, Tarlan’fen.”

“Ra ea mala, vhenan.” _It is now._

Solas gave me a surprised but pleased expression and I accepted my knitting bag from Amund with a grateful smile and started rummaging around it to find the spare needles and wool. It was easier to learn to knit when the cast-on and first few rows were already finished. Amund sat cross legged on the floor by the sofa and produced my sewing kit and one of Jim’s shirts from… somewhere. I really needed to find out how many pockets he had. 

I had a few rows started for whenever Cullen showed up and had set the needles aside when the door opened and Kost burst in with Krem behind him. They both had bags in their hands and plopped down on the floor next to Amund.

Krem pulled a half sewn nug out of his bag and grinned at me. “Hello, Tama Fen. I heard you were starting a hand crafts meeting.”

“Stitch and bitch.” I grinned at him, shocked and surprised and really, really, happy with this turn of events. “Crafts and gossip.”

“Stitch and bitch.” Kost laughed as he produced a lucet with a short length of cord already woven onto it. “I like it.” He started weaving the cord, his fingers moving quickly and surely over the tool without looking. He had a lot of practice at the craft.

“I’m surprised you weren’t followed in here already.” I picked up my own needles to start on a lace swatch for Solas’ freeform afghan. 

“Rage and Cole are guarding the door.” Kost laughed then fell somber. “I have the day to relax as I have to leave tomorrow for Emprise du Lion.”

“Oh.” I felt my stomach sink in disappointment.

“I’ll be taking Bull and Sera with me. For the mage…” His eyes flicked to Solas and then to me. “Vivienne. Dorian needs to rest.” 

Solas frowned slightly, his lips pressing together in disapproval but I spoke first. “Are you taking the as close to noble as you can get mage instead of one of the most talented mages in the Inquisition, who also happens to be the expert on the fade, because… I’m sleeping with him?”

Krem hid a laugh behind a cough and Kost looked slightly panicked. “Um…” He winced and then sighed. “It sounds bad when you say it like that.” 

“Indeed.” Solas sounded more amused than disapproving now. “I can assure you, Inquisitor, our… relationship does not affect my willingness nor my ability to help.”

“He’s got great stamina.” I added.

Solas snorted and the tips of his ears turned red and Krem was openly laughing now. Amund had a smile and Kost had his face in his hands.

“It wasn’t… it’s not that-” He sighed. “It wasn’t because I was doubting you, it’s me.” He looked up apologetically and glanced between me and Solas. “The two of you are so… happy near each other and the world out there is terrible but at least there’s…” He gestured vaguely. “That. Selfishly… selfishly I don’t want to separate the two of you.” 

Oh. My heart ached for him. He had to see everything that was out there in person, for days on end, all with the thought that it all depended on him. 

“We both do what we can to help, Kost.” I said softly. “You’re not out there alone, we are all doing our part.”

Kost’s eyes dropped to his lucet and he worked a few rows of his cord before speaking. “I already… she seemed happy to be asked.” 

“You’ll need him when the walls fall.” I murmured. 

Solas and Kost’s gazes fixed on me intently. Kost leaned forward slightly. “What walls?”

“Walls in the sand, when they fall keep Solas close but not Sera, Cole, or the Bull.” I blinked and then shook my head.

Kost sighed. “Vague yet specific.” He glanced at Krem with a frown. 

Krem was staring at me with wide eyes, his fingers tight around his sewing. I winced. “I… don’t suppose I could ask you to not tell Bull about that…” 

“Yeah, no, I’m not breathing a word of… _that_ to him.” He said with a near frantic head shake. “Fuck… if the Qun… I’m not saying anything, I swear.” 

“Yeah…” Why, oh why had I blurted that out in front of him? 

A slightly tense silence fell over us and we all busied ourselves with our respective crafts until the door tentatively opened and Cullen walked in with Wisdom in his arms. He was without his armor again and his eyes widened in slight panic as he looked over everyone gathered in the rotunda. The line of his shoulders relaxed when he saw all three men had crafts in their hands. “Inquisitor.” 

I gave him a bright smile and patted the sofa seat next to me. “Cullen! Welcome to the stitch and bitch.” 

“The… what?” He sounded flustered but still moved and sat where I indicated. Wisdom wiggled out of his arms and went to curl up directly on top of the book Solas was reading. Solas sighed and gave her a flat look and the two began staring at each other with the unblinking intentness that meant they were communicating mentally.

“Stitch and Bitch.” Kost said with humor. “Where we work our crafts and gossip apparently. I love it already.” 

“Gossip?” He moved as if he was going to stand back up again and I picked up the needles I had prepared for him and shoved them into his hands.

“Yup! Kost is secretly a romantic, Krem is handsome, and Amund is…” I squinted at Amund. “Somehow the quietest person in the room.” 

Amund flashed me a placid grin before focusing on his mending. There was a sudden long suffering sigh and everyone looked over to see Solas lean back into his chair with a defeated expression. Wisdom gave a smug whip of her tail and curled up on his book and pretended to go to sleep. He glared at her for a moment before yanking a drawer open and pulling out a tangle of threads. He hooked a loop over one of the ornate knobs on the desk and started arranging the threads, his fingers moving deftly through them.

“You know how to finger weave?” I asked, feeling like I had just discovered an entirely new side of him.

He gave me an amused look. “I am very old.”

“Well, you’ll have to teach me that as well, Hahren.” I may have put a bit of flirt into the ‘hahren’ because Krem made a coughing noise. “But speaking of teaching, let me show you how to hold the needles.” 

Cullen had been sitting very, very still as if hoping we would forget he was there. He held the needles stiffly at first, his shoulders tense as if braced for something unpleasant, but when no one seemed to pay him any mind, focusing instead on their own crafts, he slowly relaxed and started paying more attention to the needles than the others. 

I ended up kneeling on the couch next to him so I could see over his shoulder and help readjust his grip and tension and all the other little bits of knitting that would eventually become muscle memory. 

“Sooo!” Krem said cheerfully. “Fen! Do you know Orlesian-? Ow!”

I looked up from over Cullen’s shoulder just in time to see Kost’s leg pull back and Krem reached down and rub his shin, shooting Kost a dirty look.

“Il y a une fête dans mon pantalon et tu es invité.” I shrugged. “And that’s all I really know besides the basic ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.” I paused then added. “If that’s even Orlesian…” 

Kost’s face had flushed a bit. “Uh… yeah that’s… about as Orlesian as Orlesian gets…”

“What did you say?” Solas asked curiously.

“There is a party in my pants and you are invited.” I answered promptly. I was very proud of my One french phrase. 

Solas snorted and shook his head. “Of course.”

Cullen let out a strangled noise and I reached over his shoulder to tap at his fingers, pretending I hadn’t said that right in his ear because I would blush if I thought about it. “Don’t hold it so tightly, you’ll break the needles.” 

Leliana swept into the Rotunda. She stepped briskly towards me with just enough kick to show she was wearing the boot cuffs before she stopped in front of me and folded her hands behind her back. She studied me and I gave her a smile. She inclined her head.

“Fenenansal. Thank you for the gift.”

“You’re very welcome. On a professional note, thank you for handling that problem for me.” 

She made a humming noise. “My pleasure. You speak Orlesian?”

I rolled my eyes and corrected her. “I know how to say one cheesy pick up line in Orlesian.”

“An odd choice of what to learn.” 

I grinned. “Garas, aman na’mis.”

Solas actually choked and let out a strangled, “Fen!”

I gave him a wide eyed, innocent look. “What?”

Cullen shifted under my arm. “Do… I want to ask what that meant?”

Leliana was considering me with an amused expression. “It is a poetic manner of saying, ‘come fuck me’.” 

I completely ignored the scandalized noise Cullen made again. “Mahonan?” Then winced when I realized that was personal and none of my business. “Sorry.” 

“Yes.” Her eyes narrowed at me slightly before she let out an amused breath and produced a package from her robe. “For you.”

She put it in my hand and turned and swept back up the way she had come. I blinked after her, surprised, and she was gone before I could say thank you. I opened the package and let out an excited noise when I found a drop spindle. “Oh! Terys will be so happy!”

Krem made a grunting sound. “My dad used to have something like that. Had a little bowl it sat in though.” He leaned over and elbowed Kost. “So, have you taught her a dirty phrase in Qunlat yet?”

“Oh, I already know how to tell someone I’m going to masturbate to the thought of them in Qunlat.” I moved off of Cullen’s shoulder to tuck the spindle into my knitting bag.

Solas snorted again and Cullen made yet another strangled noise. 

Amund let out a stream of words that sounded vaguely Russian. I grinned at him, excited. “Ooh! New words!? Will you teach me?”

He seemed startled by my interest. “You… wish to learn Alamarri?”

“Of course! I may not have the best of heads for languages, but they’re important.”

“Most lowlanders do not think our words have worth.” Amund said gently, as if it should have been obvious to me and… yeah, it should have been. “Only the Avvar speak it and we know Common as well so there is no necessity to learn.”

“Your words are important.” I felt myself move further up onto my knees in a reflexive move of urgency. “Your language is important. To kill a language is to kill a people.” 

Kost looked up from his lucet in surprise. “What makes you say that?”

“A language is part of the people. It grows with them, changes with them, is full of phrases and meanings dear to their culture. Their stories and songs and the words their mothers spoke over their cradles. Their arts and their beliefs, the very soul of a culture is in their words. Languages can be added to their culture, brought in and adapted and grown until the language becomes something entirely new and different but it’s still their voice. But to take away a language…” I leaned forward, locking eyes with him. “To kill a language you have to kill the speakers of it. You have to steal the children and beat them when they speak in their mother tongue. You have to burn books and deface walls and you have to destroy the people until all that is left is a few elders hanging on to the last scraps of their language and memory. When they die, the last of their people, that’s when the language dies.”

Kost’s expression had fallen to one of horror and Krem was looking down at his hands with a decidedly guilty expression. Tevinter had basically done that to the elves, with a topping of generations of enslavement. Solas inhaled shakily. Quiet, but enough to make me look at him. His hands were pressed flat against his desk and his face was utterly blank, his eyes closed. 

Oh… Not my most sensitive of rants. I continued quietly, but every bit as earnestly. “There was a people… that happened to them. Their language almost died. But the last of them came together, shared the remnants of their language with each other, taught their children, scraped up the ancient texts. They rebuilt their language, their people. They came back. Different, but still them.”

Solas’ eyes opened and he looked at me intensely. I could see a glimmer of tears on his lashes and I gave him a grimly determined smile before turning to Amund. “So, yes, Amund. If you would share your words, I would be honored to learn what I can. A phrase remembered can be… vital.” 

Amund studied me for a long moment before smiling and saying something slowly. I repeated it, struggling slightly with the sounds in the back of the throat, but I made myself understandable enough for his satisfaction. I repeated the phrase and then tilted my head at him. “What does it mean?” 

“Mine is a hold of peace. Rest and be welcome.” He stood and gave me a smile. “I felt it was a fitting first words for you, Lady Wolf.” 

“Oh… thank you.” That… really was a good phrase to learn. That he had taught that one in particular… I carefully repeated the phrase again to him and he tilted his head slightly in acceptance. 

“I will fetch us some lunch. You are yet half starved.” He left silently and I was left with Kost, who was still staring at me with a half horrified, half fond expression. Krem was studiously sewing, his eyes fixed intently on his work. Cullen was holding his needles tightly, poor puppy just wanted to learn how to knit, and Solas… Solas was still staring at me with the intense, wondering expression he seemed to reserve for me. 

“So…” I grimaced. “I got a little uh… earnest, but back to knitting? Yes?” 

“Please.” Cullen said slightly desperately and held up the kitting in his hands. “It… fell off.” 

“Dharlin.” I said sympathetically and helped show him how to pick the stitches back up. 

Solas let out a slightly amused breath at me calling Cullen a puppy in elvhen and turned back to his finger weaving, working the threads with a thoughtful expression. The Stitch and Bitch had taken on a slightly solemn air after my ill advised rant, but Wisdom saved it from ending grimly by playing with the spool of thread Krem had set on the floor, and by the time we had eaten the lunch Amund brought us, we had moved back onto comfortable conversation topics and I had even gotten Cullen to crack a few jokes with Kost before he left to go back to work, taking the knitting needles with him so he could practice.

My stomach full, Amund’s fur… thing still wrapped around me like a furry blanket, and a day with friends, I was feeling very content. Kost eventually hefted himself to his feet and gathered up his lucet, a good three feet of cord hanging from it. He wrapped the cord around the handle before walking to me. He hesitated, then dropped a kiss to the top of my head. “Thank you, Fen. I’ll want to do this again when I get back.”

I smiled up at him. “Of course! It’s a date I’ll be looking forward to.” I said brightly and he faltered slightly before smiling and moving off through the rotunda door. I looked over to see how far Krem had gotten with the stuffed nug only to find him smirking. “What?”

He grinned, shaking his head as he stood and handed me the nug, finished and complete with wings. “See you later, Tama’fen.” 

He gave me a one armed hug before he wandered off as well and that left me with just Amund and Solas now. Solas had taken advantage of Wisdom’s preoccupation with the spool of thread to finish his work while I had eaten lunch. As soon as the door closed behind Krem, he stood and closed his book, arranging it neatly in the center of his desk. 

He stood in front of me and tucked his hands behind his back, inclining his head respectfully. “Does the Lady Wolf require some time to rest before supper?” 

“Only if you go with me.” I didn’t know what he was playing at, but I was willing to go with it to see what he was up to.

He gave me a demure smile that edged a little too close to sharp. “If that is what you wish.” 

“The mask ill fits, Ser Wolf.” Amund huffed as he gathered up the platter from lunch. “Your teeth shine through.”

Solas tensed, his eyes flicking from me to Amund without his head moving. I shrugged apologetically. “Apparently the pack picked a new title for you as you uh… ‘attend’ their lady… wolf.” 

His eyes narrowed on me suspiciously. “Why do I find it difficult to believe that you had nothing to do with that?”

I raised my hands in innocence. “For once I am completely innocent.”

“That is a matter of argument.” Amund said genially before ducking through the door to return the dishes to the kitchen. 

When he was gone I gave Solas an earnest look. “I really didn’t. I choked on my water when I heard them call you that this morning.”

He blinked and then relaxed before smirking at me. “Well… I suppose there are worse things to be called.”

“Boy toy.” I nodded in exaggerated gravity. 

“I believe the polite term is ‘attendant’.” He said dryly before stepping towards me and picking me up easily, as he seemed fond of doing. “And I do seem to have collected that title as well.” 

“Are you going to ‘attend’ to me soon?” I wiggled slightly in his arms hopefully.

He paused and jostled me slightly, then frowned. “You have gained some, but are still too light.”

“I’m trying.” I sighed, disappointed but accepting of the evasion. “I’m eating as much as I can stomach, avoiding the stairs, I don’t know what else to do.”

“You could wear the cloak the Inquisitor gifted to you.” He said as he carried me down the stairs. 

“What does that have to do with my weight? Anyway, I’m not cold.”

“Because you are using your magic to warm you, but magic is energy, vhenan.” He had his ‘teaching’ tone on.

“I’m… what?” I frowned and closed my eyes to check my aura and… oh. There was a steady trickle of magic flowing through me in a constant warming spell. “Oh… Shit, that explains so much…” 

He chuckled as he nudged the door to his room open. “Ah… the gaps in your knowledge are varied and unpredictable.”

“It’s an ancient elvhen thing, isn’t it?” I asked quietly after he had kicked the door shut gently. He never wore more than his tunic and leggings unless he was wearing armor.

His arms tightened around me and a muscle in his jaw ticked. “Vin. It was… an innate skill, a natural instinct. The modern elves… still have the ability to varying extents, though most mages actively suppress their magic.” He paused. “Ir abelas, but I assumed you were using the ability on purpose.”

I laid my head on his shoulder. “You know what they say about assuming.”

“I… do not.” He set me on his bed and tucked a blanket around my shoulders. “That was an assumption on your part, I believe.” 

“That’s part of the joke.” I laughed. “To assume is to make an ass out of you and me.”

He tilted his head slightly and then smiled. “A touch of irony, a play on words, and a moral. It is an elegant piece of humor.”

It was… a very common and cheesy joke. Before I could say anything his hand rested against the side of my face, his thumb stroking lightly along my cheekbone. 

“I never know what will fall from your lips.” He said softly. “Even in humor you have the most profound complexity.”

I opened my mouth to try and argue but his hand simply slipped down my cheek so his thumb was over my lips.

“I thought… I thought you were learning my language to humor me.” His voice was low and his eyes were fixed on where his thumb rested against my mouth. “But once again I find that it meant so much more. You… You were…” 

“Honored you were taking the time to share your language with me.” I finished for him. “Hoping to keep as many words as I can alive.” 

He exhaled slowly, and his eyes moved away from my mouth to somewhere distant, though his hand stayed steady against my face. 

“There are no languages within the Fade, in memories it only captures the intent,” he said quietly, still staring off disantly. “The first elves of this era I found could not speak but a few words. Broken and ill pronounced. I felt like a stranger in a land that should be familiar.”

“Did you think they had rejected their language?” 

He looked down and I saw a look of shame pass over his features. “They wore slave markings and called it good. They did not speak but a few butchered words and… yes, I did.” He closed his eyes in a pained expression. “I blamed them and then to hear you describe in such… You laid out exactly how such a thing could come to pass, did come to pass, and it… shames me that I despised them for the evidence of the brutality visited on them.” 

I reached up and covered his hand with my own. “And now?”

He dropped his head before turning his wrist and pulling my hand to his lips. He pressed a kiss to the center of my palm gently. “And now I see the folly of my own thinking. I see, not shadows, but embers… to be fanned to a flame. Sparks to catch. They were suppressed but I- we… can help.” He sounded oddly uncertain and he looked at me, his expression just as uncertain as he sounded. “If… you wish it?”

Was he…? “I already proposed, didn’t I?”

He blinked and then chuckled again, pressing another kiss to the center of my palm. “You did, and I accepted. Now… now I ask if you would…” His ears slowly flushed red. “It is difficult for me, but I ask for guidance…” 

He was asking… “but I’m not-“

“If you say you are insignificant I will drag you to see every person whose life you have changed and make you listen to them tell you how.” He almost growled, a complete difference from how uncertain he had sounded not a moment ago. 

“…not sure how willing you would be to do the first thing I would suggest?” I hastily changed the second part of my sentence. 

He didn’t look convinced but did not call me out on it. Instead he leaned forward and brushed a light kiss to my lips. “There is only one way to know for sure, vhenan.”

“Teach the pack to speak elvhen. All of them. Teach them, and only speak to me in elvhen until I learn enough. It… it makes it seem natural and they’ll be more excited to learn so they can eavesdrop. The children will pick it up and they will spread it to their friends, and the pack will grow and the words spread. I… I already sent the correct elvhen alphabet to a Keeper and that will make their translations more exact.” 

“She will share it with other Keepers, and with it the source. We will get people asking questions. The pack will listen to you more as they learn and they will accept your stories of the past, and spread them. We can build. It won’t be the same as it was, and that will be a good thing because it will be a society not built on slavery. It will be different, but it would be our people.” 

He looked at me for a long moment before nodding. “Ma nuvenin, Vhenan.” He then flashed me a smirk and kissed me again before leaning to whisper directly in my ear. “Mala ar ju’pala ma.”

Oh, I knew that one! I grinned and turned to catch the line of his ear lightly with my teeth. “Fen’Harel ver em.” 

*

*

*

He let another quiet growl and drew back to pull his tunic off. I took the time to yank at the laces on my breeches and start shimmying out of them and simultaneously try to get my own tunic off. I had managed to kick off my breeches and had the tunic over my head when Solas’ hand spread flat over the center of my chest and he pushed me backwards onto his bed.

The impact of hitting the mattress punched a laugh out of me, a laugh that quickly trailed into a gasp when he grabbed my tunic still tangled over my arms and twisted it, trapping my arms over my head. I braced my feet on the mattress, intending to get some leverage and twist my way out of his grip, but he had anticipated me and simply moved to cover me with his body once I was on my belly, pinning me in place pleasantly with nothing more than his weight. 

He pressed his mouth to my ear and began speaking, a slow, dark cadence of elvhen that seemed to resonate in my blood despite only understanding a few words. He called me fierce and beautiful and something about a flame and wolf and it was entrancing as he shifted his weight up off of me and pushed my thighs apart with his knee, pinning it in place effortlessly so I was fixed to the bed by his grip on the fabric twisted around my arms and his knee on my leg.

I yelped in shock when his fingers slipped into me, hotter than natural and followed by a brush of magic to my clit that had me writhing under him from the assault of pleasure. It was intense and between the cascade of sensations and his voice murmering elvhen poetry into my ear, his lips and teeth catching at the sensitive point, I was coming around his fingers embarrassingly fast. 

I was shaking, panting into the blankets of his bed, his scent thick and comforting as his hand smoothed over my side in long, gentle trails. His voice had taken on a decidedly smug tone as he said something about sun rises and storms in his hands and his knee moved off of my leg, allowing me to get my knees up under myself so I was braced on my elbows and knees under him. I felt shaky but if I was getting taken by the Dread Wolf I was going to do it properly.

“Solas. Garas, aman na’mis.” I arched my back as invitingly as I could.

He let out a shaky breath and his hand gripped my hip firmly as he let go of the fabric trapping my arms and instead braced himself over me and started slowly easing his cock into me. It felt like bliss and I bucked backwards onto him, taking him in one sudden slide of stretch that had his fingers sinking into the flesh of my hips as he cursed. 

He wasn’t moving so I pulled away and pushed back, fucking myself onto him and pulling another stream of elvhen profanity from him that was bitten off with a snarl that made a rush of arousal race up my spine and raise the hairs on the back of my neck. And then he was fucking me in earnest, his thrusts forceful enough to push me forward on the bed until I braced myself with my shaking arms. 

It was intense, heat boiling and curling through my spine with every slap of his hips against my ass, every quick, needy stroke within me. He was panting in my ear, quick, broken elvhen words between gasps, an almost pleading cadence to it. His hand tightened on my hip and his thrusts stuttered, losing their rhythm as he pressed into me as deep as he could seat himself, pressing open mouthed kisses to the back of my neck. I was so close, pleasure and magic sparking beneath my skin as I shook and clenched around his cock and it was so good. So close.

Before I could try and take myself over that edge, Solas’ hand on my hip moved, sliding down between my trembling thighs and giving me that last bit of stimulation needed to send me hurtling into my second orgasm with enough force to daze me. I was high on pleasure and only distantly, approvingly, aware of Solas shifting us to our sides so he could curl around me comfortably. He was still inside me even as he softened, and it felt like he was staying as close to me as he could manage for as long as it could last. 

*

*

*

I clumsily pulled at his arm covering me so I could brush a kiss to his lovely fingers. “Ar lath ma, Solas.” I murmured, feeling the after ripples of pleasure still floating through me with every breath. “Next time I get to be on top.”

He exhaled, his breath warm and awed in my hair. I think he said it back, or maybe he argued with me, but I was already half asleep.


	36. Chapter 36

Kost left for Emprise de Lion the next morning. I saw him off at the gate from Loyalty’s back, bundled up in my cloak and the hat Andrew had proudly presented to me that morning when I stumbled out of Solas’ room. I was sad to see him go, but it was necessary. I would make sure things ran smoothly while he was gone and get my pack more firmly entrenched in the valley. Thom and Amund had been working tirelessly and had a few tree houses built and were now working on a pasture and barn for sheep. 

I was counting through my coin in Josie’s office to see how soon I could buy a breeding pair of sheep when Varric leaned against the wall beside me. I held up a finger and finished counting and wrote down how much I had before I looked at him with a smile.

“Varric! How may I help you!” 

Instead of answering, he held a letter out to me between two fingers. I blinked in surprise and took it, popping it open in front of him. It was in elvhen, sort of. A few elvhen phrases, scattered among Common. From Merril. 

_ “ _ Keeper Fenenansal

Andaran atishan 

I confess my friend has written much of you and I find myself curious. Ma serannas vallas. Ma halani em.  _ (my thanks writing. You helped me.)  _ I was hoping you would be willing to share your source of such complete and accurate history.”

I scanned through the rest of the letter, which was full of pleasantries and a tentative fishing of information. I chewed on my thumbnail as I thought. I would need to talk to Solas, get his help translating a full letter in reply… I realized that Varric was still there.

“If I manage to write out a reply would you send it to her?”

He was openly staring at me with a calculating expression. “Why are you interested in her?”

Ah… protectiveness. “She wrote to me first.” I pointed out.

“Yeah, but you have a certain policy of ignoring people you aren’t interested in.” His arms were crossed and tense.

“Varric, I can promise you I mean her no harm. She has questions, I have the answers to some of them.” I gave him a wry smile. “Besides, I’m purposefully sending the letters through you so you have time to read them before sending them on their way.” 

“I can’t read elvhen.” the tension had eased a little, but still lingered.

“I can teach you what I know.” 

“The Dalish are pretty adamant the ‘shemlen’ don’t get a hold of elvhen.” He cocked an eyebrow at me but the tension was gone.

“I’m not Dalish, Varric. I’m an elf, and I have something she wants. So I’m going to give it to her.” 

“Knowledge of the ancient elves.” He said incredulously.

“That wasn’t a question.” I grinned.

“How’d you learn the alphabet?” He rolled his eyes good naturedly.

“In a dream. It was a very nice dream. I sucked an elvhen god’s dick.” I said with a completely straight face. Josephine giggled from her desk, the eavesdropper.

He choked on his laughter and shook his head before patting me on the shoulder. “You’re as bad as Hawke, Fen.”

“I’m sure.” I grinned and scooped up the coins I had been counting. “I think a few more weeks and I’ll have enough to buy a breeding pair of sheep.” I announced to Josephine.

“Oh.” She blinked at me. “Is that what you are trying to get?”

“Yup! I have no idea what kind, I’m leaving that up to Timothy, they’re for him. I’m just trying to make sure I have enough for him to haggle with.” I tied the bag of coins onto my belt like Terys had shown me to avoid pickpockets and then wrapped myself up tightly into my cloak. Now that I knew my magic would automatically try to warm me up, I was doing my best to stay bundled up tight. A stone castle in the tops of the mountains was cold. Varric followed me out of the office, giving Sa’nehn a nod as he fell into step beside me.

“You know you could just put a request in for requisitions, right? Fluffy, you practically own the castle.” He said after a few steps.

“And then they would technically belong to the Inquisition. I don’t want to get the Inquisition sheep, I want to get my pack some sheep. Personal property versus the property of the organization.” 

Varric gave me an incredulous look. “Where-?” He stopped and looked sheepish.

“Did a knife ear learn the difference between personal property and company property?” I supplied dryly.

“I wondered where  _ you _ learned it and then realized I had no chance of finding out.” He held his hands up in an appeasing gesture.

“That’s good.” I grinned at him. “And no, I won’t tell you where I learned it.”

“So. Dalish born, raised by Avvar, went to the dwarves for your education?” 

“What makes you think the Avvar didn’t educate me?”

Varric hummed, “They seem more the ‘learn from the world around you’ ‘common sense’ type, not very bookish or written laws.” 

“They do have a very rich oral history.” I agreed, purposefully avoiding giving him the answer he was fishing for. A runner darted up and I stopped to deal with their message from Harrill about needing more hands to help turn the castle gardens. I sent the runner back off with a request to Cullen for a meeting sometime today. I was sure he had some recruits or something he could spare. 

Varric was still there when I finished and I raised my eyebrows at him in surprise. That would have been the perfect opportunity for him to slip away mysteriously. He was studying me openly, completely ignoring Sa’nehn’s suspicious glare.

“I checked out that lead on my series in Orlais. Turns out my agent was stealing my profits.”

I hummed. “I’m sorry to hear that. I hope it was easy to handle.” 

“Uh-huh. You have any more mysterious advice for me?”

I gave him a wry smile. “None that you would be willing to listen to.”

He narrowed his eyes but shrugged. “Alright. Thanks for stepping in with the Seek by the way.” He tossed me a wave and sauntered off.

I went on my way, only to have my attention drawn by a loud, angry honking from the garden door. Rage. I made a beeline for the ruckus. Rage flapped his wings and hissed as I got close and indicated the door with his beak.

_ The false mother is scratching at your wolf pups. _

I set my jaw and kept my mana firmly in check as I wrenched open the garden door and marched in. Sure enough, Mother Giselle was peering down her nose at a… surprisingly large crowd of elves and one vashoth. Fiona was to the side, watching shrewdly with a tranquil elf woman at her side. Jim had his hands on his hips and was standing directly in front of Mother Giselle with the other wolf pups flanking him. Behind them was the vashoth woman with a chicken in her arms and about five elves shifting nervously behind the children. All of them had packs on their shoulders. One of the elf men had a covered basket that was chirping loudly.

I walked over and set my hand on Jim’s shoulder. “What is going on?”

He looked up at me with angry eyes. “She says that we shouldn’t be here, that we’re disturbing the peace.”

I raised my eyebrows at Mother Giselle, who was composing her face into gentle condescension. “And why should the inhabitants of Skyhold not be allowed in Skyhold’s gardens?”

“I only said that they should not be bringing beasts into the gardens.” She said gently. 

“And I believe that we already had that conversation? Did we not?” I said just as gently. 

“Castellan, your personal pets are one matter, but livestock are completely inappropriate.” 

“I believe that is my decision.” I said dryly. “As it is my garden.” 

“Of course.” She smiled and then inclined her head and left.

I glanced at Rage, thinking she was up to something.

_ She rages that you have more influence than she. She is trying to gather evidence that you are a traitor while the Inquisitor is gone to try and regain her influence. _

Ah. I sighed. “Will you go tell Solas about that? I’ll need advice.”

Rage ruffled his feathers and waddled off and I turned my attention to Jim and the others. “Now… what’s going on, pup?”

“You said that we could bring people in, and so the other kids and I asked around and we know you talk to your animals so we took Rage with us, and these are the ones that wanted to join that Rage said were alright to bring in.” Jim said proudly. “Or, he didn’t  _ say _ they were alright, but he didn't hiss at them.”

“We were going to wait here for you to finish working.” Haleir piped up. “But the Chantry Mother didn’t like us staying here and making noise. When I tried to explain she completely ignored me and tried to tell Margaret to make us leave.” They pointed at the Vashoth woman. “But Margaret doesn’t speak a lot of Common so she doesn’t talk and the Mother thought she was being rude and she did that thing humans do where they call us names and pretend they’re talking about something else. So we sent Rage to go get you and told her we refused to move or talk until you came.”

“Of course.” I gritted. Then sighed and crouched down to hug the kids. “I’m very, very proud of you. You handled that very well and bravely.” 

The kids hugged me back and then Anise spoke hesitantly. “Can we keep them?”

I glanced at the gathered people and smiled. “That’s up to the pack, but as far as I’m concerned…” I stood up and greeted Margaret and the elves. “An’daran atish’an. I am Fenenansal.” 

One of the elves, a stocky man with Sylaise’s vallaslin stepped forward and put his fist over his heart. “You are the Lady Wolf. I am Fenvir. We ask your leave to join your clan.”

I glanced at his vallaslin and very, very carefully said. “All of you are welcome, the pack as a whole has to decide if you may join, but… I must warn you, we are… fond of wolves, even the one that hunts alone. We are not Dalish, our ways are different.” 

Fenvir gave me a sharp look but nodded. “Of course. I  _ am _ aware, emma’Tarlan’Fen.” 

The statement had the ring of Significance to it, but I didn’t have the chance to try and parse it out as the others introduced themself. Margaret, the vashoth, Isenem and Isene, a pair of twins from a Fereldon alienage, Miadahl, a refugee from the Hinterlands, and Tamaris, his nephew. 

There was a bit of a shuffle as I tried to explain that no, they didn’t have to buy their way in, the initiation was just the pack accepting them, they didn’t have to make any oaths, I wasn’t actually a leader in any real sense, etcetera. Eventually I had the kids take them down to the Den to meet the others and get the lay of the land. 

And then I realized that Fiona was still there with the Tranquil woman. I gave her a polite smile. “Forgive me for not greeting you properly. How may I help you?”

“Three of my mages have disappeared from the tower, along with their Tranquil friend.” She said without preamble. “I spoke to them and they say they have joined your people.”

I studied her warily. “I am not trying to undermine your authority.”

She waved her hand dismissively. “Oh, I’m aware. You’ve done everything in your power to increase it, I know. This isn’t a play of powers, Lady Wolf. I… am asking for your help.”

“If I can I will.” I glanced at the Tranquil woman staring blankly into the distance, a smile fixed in place. 

“Yes, it is about her.” Fiona said wearily. “One of your new mages, Lisa… she told me that you can protect Tranquil, that you are protecting Andrew.” 

“I do my best.”

She put her hand on the Tranquil’s shoulder. “I know it is a lot to ask, but… This is Prim. She was working as a scullery maid but…” Her face darkened. “She needs to be protected and I cannot keep her as safe as you have kept Andrew.” 

Oh. “Hello, Prim. My name is Fenenansal. If you are alright with it, I can take you to my people and we can keep you safe. Would you prefer to stay with Fiona or go with me?”

The Tranquil’s gaze slowly focused on me. “I will go where I am needed, my lady.” 

“I asked you a question.” I said gently.

Fiona was watching me thoughtfully but I kept my focus on Prim. She blinked placidly before answering in that chilling monotone. “I will go with you.” 

“I’ll do my best to keep you safe, Prim.” I promised her. “How old are you?”

“Seventeen years, my lady.” 

Seventeen… I felt a little sick. She was a child. I felt my rage rising up in my throat and swallowed it down forcefully at the sound of a door opening.

“Lady Wolf?” Cullen said, louder than his normal tone around me. His Commander voice. “You said you wished to speak with me? I didn’t want you to have to climb those stairs...” He trailed off suddenly.

“I did. Thank you.” I turned to look at him and found him standing stiffly in the center of the path, his eyes fixed on Prim’s forehead. Wisdom was winding around his feet. 

“Sa’nehn, would you take Prim here to the Den and help her get settled?” 

Sa’nehn gave me a sharp nod and held out a hand to Prim. “With me, please.” 

She glanced at his hand blankly before taking it and allowing Sa’nehn to lead her into the wards that hid the Den entrance. Cullen cleared his throat uncomfortably when they disappeared from his notice. “Are you…?”

“If she wants.” I rubbed my temples and Wisdom came over to rub against my legs. “I’m keeping her safe.” 

“Good. That’s good.” He took a step towards me to say very, very earnestly. “Let me know if there is any- if I can help.”

“I will, Commander.” I smiled at him. “But I needed to speak to you on Harrill’s behalf.”

“Right.” He straightened. 

As I spoke with him about borrowing some of his recruits I noticed Fiona watching him with a calculating gaze. He readily promised to send some of the recruits who needed to be strengthened to report to Harrill instead of having them spend the days exercising. He hesitated after we had finished the professional stuff, but a runner came for him and he gave me a wry smile before taking his leave. 

Which left me with Fiona, who had shifted that calculating gaze onto me. “The Commander is… was a Templar, Lady Wolf.”

“I’m aware, Grand Enchantress. He doesn’t have the key to my Den.” I gave her a reassuring smile. “I might trust him to a certain extent, but even if he wanted to, he can’t get to Prim or the others.” 

Fiona looked a little relieved as she nodded her head in thanks. “If I find more tranquil in need of protection, may I call upon you, Lady Wolf?” 

“Of course. And not just the Tranquil. I try to help anyone who needs it.” 

“So I saw.” She gave me a slight smile. “I thank you.” 

“Thank you for bringing her to me. I’ll keep her safe.” I promised.

She gave a slight curtsey and left, leaving me with Wisdom, who was sitting on my feet. I glanced down at her. “You’ve been staying with Cullen a lot.”

_ His blood sings with magic. I like it. _

“That’s the lyrium.”

_ I am aware. I can take it in as his blood releases it, use it, and he is relieved at its loss. _

Oh! She was helping him get the lyrium out of his system. That was wonderful.

_ I am also very well versed in the troop placements and inner workings of the Inquisition. _ She was purring.

“I assume you are sharing with our mutual friend?”

_ Of course. _ She sent me a satisfied brush and I sent her a fond brush and then she went off to find Cullen. Sa’nehn returned from the Den and I continued on with my day of work. Really though, the pack was handling things beautifully. I did start to put together some of the proposals from my people, trying to collate them into official looking reports and requests for Josephine. I was pretty sure that I could have just tossed the notes on her desk with my seal on them like Leliana did, but I didn’t want to do that. I knew how to write a report and request letter. Proposal documents? I could do that. All Josie would have to do would be sign it off and send it to the workers when I was done.

Thom came up to fetch me for supper and gave me an amused expression when I looked up from my nest of papers. 

“What?”

He huffed and reached out and smudged at my cheek, hesitating with his hand against my face before pulling away quickly. His fingers were callused and he smelled like sawdust and sweat. “I believe the ink is for the papers, my lady.” 

“Debatable.” I replied cheerfully and began gathering up my papers. “I really do miss my dip pen, however. Quills just aren’t the same. How’s the valley coming along?”

“Well, my lady.” He took the papers from me as Rage waddled up from the garden door. “We have two houses built in the trees. I am working with Maeva and Terys when he has the time to figure out how to make the tree houses ‘accessible’.” 

I beamed at him as we headed for the ramp to the Den. “That’s wonderful! I’m glad you thought of that.” 

He coughed, uncomfortable but pleased, and launched into an eager description of their current plans for the tree houses. They were building a spiral ramp, similar to the one we were descending, circling the trunk of one of the ancient trees up to the houses, which they were going to connect together with pathways. Dagna had told him of wheeled chairs and they were trying to ensure that Maeva could use the pathways with her crutches and that another might be able to use their wheeled chair on the paths. They were also creating a lift. I was smiling so broadly my face hurt by the time we reached the Den. Thom had put a lot of thought and effort into it and I was feeling very proud of him. 

In another life I think he would have been a very happy carpenter. 

I was greeted at the door to the rampway by Loyalty and I very happily hugged its neck when it dropped its head down so I could reach. “Hey there, handsome fella. How’s your day been?”

_ Well. I have allowed your wolves to harness me in the valley to haul lumber for your houses. I enjoy the attention. _

“You’re amazing. Thank you.” I gave it a brush of mana and it nosed me gently.

_ You are growing stronger. Perhaps soon we may ride again. _

“That sounds wonderful.” I planted a kiss on its muzzle and turned to hug Anise, who was gushing about the baby chicks that Miadahl had brought. The baby chicks were in the indoor coop that Thom had built until they were large enough to move to the valley. Anise and Haleir had taken it on themselves to run to the valley to catch grasshoppers and cut grass to make into hay for the chicks. 

I found Solas sitting by the table Thom had built with Rasa seated before him. He had a spark of magic floating above his hands and was… he was playing with Rasa, allowing her to try and grab at the light and making it dance away from her clumsy swats. He had an expression of utter bafflement on his face that morphed into one of pride as Rasa finally caught the light, grasping it as if it was a tangible thing with her chubby fingers and then toddling off with an excited cry to Lahnehn. 

Solas rose to his feet as I walked up to him and bent so I could kiss the corner of his mouth in greeting.

“What was that?” I asked curiously. Solas did not seem the kid type.

He gave me a slight smile. “I have seen memories of ancient peoples doing the same with their children to allow them to grow accustomed to controlling their magic. It is to help their manifestation to not be as… distressing as it is now.”

I grabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him down for a proper kiss. “Ma serannas, ma’fen.”

His hand laid softly against the side of my face. “Ir abelas. Ar silaima ma’av.”

_ I’m sorry, I- something- my words.  _ “Silaima?”

“Forget.” He supplied and stepped back as Onhalla came up and took the papers tucked under my arm.

“I’ll need those.” I protested. “I have a letter to write.” 

“After supper, Lady Wolf.” She said with a smug smile. “Besides, we have guests.” 

Oh! The prospective pack were sitting at the table, watching the going ons with curious, sharp eyes. Margaret was nearest to the cooking glyph, watching me with an odd wariness even as Saam murmured to her in Qunlat. I gave them all a bright smile and moved to sit near them, bumping heads with anyone who greeted me. I somehow ended up with Anise in my lap when I finally sat down. She had a pair of the nugs from Krem and was playing quietly.

“Hello. What do you think of our pack so far?”

“There are humans in it.” Fenvir said with a sharp look at Thom.

“Humans and elves and dwarves and elvhen and vashoth and spirits.” I confirmed. Fenvir’s sharp look settled on me as I continued. “People come in many shapes, and as long as they are willing to abide by the ways of the pack, they are pack.”

“You said elves twice.” Isenem said tentatively, then blushed and dropped her eyes with a murmured. “Forgive me, my lady.”

“Oh. So I did.” I laughed and she looked relieved. “Silly me.” 

“How do you know they’re loyal? That they won’t turn on us.” Isene leaned forward over the table.

Loyalty’s muzzle brushed over the top of my head and I reached up to pat the side of his face. “How do we know you will not turn on us?” I shrugged. “This is a place of peace and safety. We look out for each other, help each other. If that is not what you want-”

“It is what want.” Margaret said sharply, her accent thick and her face flushed violet with shame at her broken words. She placed her hand over her chest in the places where an ‘I’ would go in Common. “Want…” She gestured around the Den. “Strong. Good help...” She trailed off and looked at Saam with a helpless expression and said a few words in Qunlat.

“Fit.” Saam supplied quietly.

“Good fit.” Margaret finished and lifted her head with a determined tilt.

“I’m sure.” I gave her a bright smile. “When the whole pack is here we’ll do the vote.”

“Vote?” Isene tilted his head.

“Of course. To become pack the pack has to accept you.”

“I told you, she doesn’t force us to accept anyone.” Sa’nehn grumbled. “She leads, but only because we insist on following. It’s weird, but it works.” 

Everyone nodded, looking thoughtful, but Fenvir and Miadahl were studying me intently and I could sense both Solas and Sa’nehn shift closer to me. Thom seemed to notice their attention as well and I didn’t think it was coincidence that he moved to sit almost directly behind Fenvir either. I played with Anise and pretended not to notice anything as Loyalty brushed against my mind again and assured me that it felt nothing sinister or ill will from them. 

Not long after that the rest of the pack began trickling in. The last to arrive being Amund, Dagna, and Terys. Dagna was dogging Amund’s heels, asking various questions about Avvar arcane practices. Amund didn’t seem to mind as he answered each asked question with a small, amused smile.

Terys was the last down the ramp, he smiled and waved at Anise, who immediately waved back excitedly, then he faltered midstep at the sight of the new arrivals. The reaction was barely an instant before he recovered and came over to press his forehead against mine and then sat on the other side of the table from me. Loyalty whickered softly and Terys glanced at it warily. 

_ He feels torn between two loyalties. His bond to you compels him to speak, his bond to another compels him to remain silent. _

Terys? I frowned at Loyalty and whispered. “Can you sense who?”

Loyalty was silent for a moment before walking a few clicking steps to pause behind Solas.  _ Him. _

Ah. Seems we found Fen’Harel’s agent.

Loyalty gave me an amused brush before heading back towards the valley entrance. I glanced at Terys, who was staring at his plate with a torn expression. If I could take a guess, I would wager that he didn’t know who Solas was, perhaps thought that Solas was one of Fen’Harel’s agents, if that. Solas had said that he wasn’t sure if his agent still belonged to him. It was… slightly amusing. 

I scooted Anise off of my lap and leaned over to quietly ask Solas for a few words, then, once I was fairly certain of my translation, and acutely aware of Solas’ curious, guarded expression, I leaned forward and extended my hand across the table and Terys looked at me with a slightly perplexed expression before taking my hand. I squeezed his fingers gently. “Dya nar’suinathe sul’ema nuathe su ma’fenala?”  _ Shall your silence bring trouble towards my wolves? _

Terys’ eyes widened and his fingers tightened convulsively on mine before he set his mouth and gave a hesitant headshake. 

I smiled and squeezed his hand again before releasing it. “Tel’dirtha, elni.”  _ Don’t tell, our friend. _

He looked torn. “Ma… ea sule’vi’inathe?” 

I had to ask Solas for the last word, but he had asked,  _ You are certain? _

“Is ea emma’falon.”  _ He is my dear friend. _

Terys looked incredibly relieved and guilty both as he focused back onto his plate. Solas’ hand rested subtly on my thigh in a gesture I couldn’t quite parse as his expression was perfectly placid. But it made me glance around to find the entire pack staring at me raptly.

Haleir was the first to speak, their eyes distant. “I want to talk like that. It’s pretty.”

“That’s good! It’s el’vhen, and Solas has agreed to teach it to anyone interested.” 

I covered Solas’ hand with my own as Saam finally stopped staring at me and moved to set a giant tray of some sort of hash in the center of the table for everyone to dish out however much they wanted themselves. Andrew carefully scooped out a serving onto Prim’s plate and told her to eat, watching her with a horribly stricken expression, though he was slowly learning to control his emotions enough that he didn’t wail or rage. He cried, silently, and helped her, but he was healing. 

“Anyone?” Maeva asked uncertainly, glancing between Solas and me.

“Anyone within the Lady Wolf’s pack.” Solas amended. 

Jim raised his hand and then snatched it down and looked slightly bashful before asking. “Even if we’re not… elves?” 

“I believe the phrase commonly used is ‘pack is pack’, da’len.” Solas said after a slight pause. 

“Da’len means child!” Anise piped up. “I know that one!”

“Fen means wolf.” Ellas added. 

Somehow that sparked a flurry of everyone at the table sharing the word or two they knew in elvhen and Solas watched with a slightly perplexed air as the pack eagerly shared their scattered words until they could construct crude sentences with them. 

Solas automatically corrected the grammar and I gave him a slightly triumphant smile at the evidence of how much a shared word could create. “Think how much better it will be when they learn more.”

He could only give me a small smile and a slight nod before someone else was asking another question and the meal turned into an impromptu language lesson. Dagna produced a piece of paper and a charcoal and began writing down the words shared, and I ended up writing out the elvhen alphabet for the others to learn. The time passed quickly and I almost forgot about the guests until Saam and Mae started to get up and gather up everyone’s dishes to be washed and Sa’nehn spoke loudly enough to be heard above the amiable chatter.

“Lady Wolf, the vote?”

Oh! Right! Margaret moved as if she was going to stand up and I had the horrible thought that she might do the kneeling thing, so I spoke hastily before she could finish standing. She froze at the sound of my voice. “Has everyone had a chance to speak to our guests?”

“Aye, Lady Wolf. Miadahl has a surprising knowledge of herbs for a lowlander.” Amund said after a moment. 

Maeva punched him sharply and playfully on the bicep. “Lowlander. Not all of us have our heads in the sky.” She muttered before asking loudly. “All in favor of accepting the new wolves?”

I was pleased she was taking the initiative from me. I liked that they were proactive in choosing their pack. In the end, all of them were accepted. Andrew and Prim were still in the hazy ‘pack but not actually pack’ that Solas resided in, but neither of them were really in the place for that kind of thing yet. 

After I gave them their keys to the Den, the bracelets and spelled charms, (the pack seemed to like the ritual of me giving the charms), I helped Saam and Mae clean up from dinner while Solas was pestered for more elvhen words from the kids and Dagna. I snagged Terys into a side hug when he brought his plate to the tub we were washing dishes in. 

He was tense for a long moment before exhaling sharply and turning to hug me tightly. “Ir abelas, Tarlan’Fen.”

“Tel’abelas, ma’fenlin.”  _ Don’t be sorry, my wolfcub. _ I stayed in the hug until he pulled away with a grateful smile and a wary glance back at Solas, who was watching us with a placid expression. He bumped his forehead against mine and then moved away to help get the new pack settled in the rooms, and I shoved my arms into the magically warmed dishwater to start cleaning. 

Just as we finished the dishes Solas snagged me around the waist and picked me up princess style… he seemed to really enjoy doing that, especially since he’d always chuckle quietly at the squeak of surprise I made when he caught me unaware. 

“I am capable of walking.” I said, even as I hooked my arms around his neck to enjoy the ride. 

“Ma elana, y ma’sathanathe ema ma.” He said with a smile as he nodded goodnight to the others. 

“Elana?”

“Have the ability.”

So, ‘you have the ability’. Sathan was please or enjoy, ema was to hold, and ma was you. His pleasure to hold me. Hello stomach flutters. 

I was sitting in my dreamspace with the suddenness of dreaming. I was knitting on my bed and Solas was watching me with that sharp, intense expression that was also half wondering and-

“You have a very expressive face.” I blurted out. 

He blinked and then huffed. “I will admit, I have not been told that before.” 

“You also have very pretty eyelashes.” 

He smiled slightly. “I have been told that.”

“Good. But I’m assuming you have something on your mind.” I gestured at the general direction of his face with my knitting needle.

“I lost another agent tonight, I believe.” He said slowly. 

Another? The only other agent I knew of that he had lost was… He must have sensed the sudden twist of dread in my stomach because he frowned. “What is wrong?”

“You aren’t… Terys isn’t going to go the way of Felassan, is he?” Because I would try to protect him and facing Fen’Harel would probably not go well for me.

His eyes widened and I felt panic and guilt flare sharply off of him. His hands dug into the loopy pillow in his lap and he looked down at it before speaking. “I would not… No. He is safe from me.” 

I let out a relieved breath and reached out to put my hand on his forearm. “Thank you.”

His eyes searched my face for a moment with a puzzled, still half panicked expression. “And just like that… all is well? Not a moment earlier you were bracing yourself for a battle you were sure you would lose.”

“I needed to know he was safe, you said he is, so yeah, all is well.” I smiled at him and also checked on how badly I was radiating my emotions.

“Even-? you know-” He bit off his words and frowned, looking troubled.

“I know more about you than you would be comfortable with, yeah…” I winced apologetically and started absently stroking his arm. "I wasn't just hiding at first because you're the big bad wolf."

He sighed heavily and surprised me by leaning forward until his head was in my lap. I froze for a second before rubbing his shoulders that had started to tremble. “I did not- it was not- not like that. I didn't know.” 

He was definitely distraught over all of this and I was feeling incredibly at a loss. I soothed my hand over the back of his neck and stayed quiet, feeling him struggle for words. After a long, or short, who knew in the fade? Moment he stilled and then spoke into my thigh.

“To borrow a phrase… you can fix it…” 

What? “Um. If I can? I’m always willing to try and fix things.” 

He breathed deeply and slowly and I noticed the pattern to it. Box breathing. After his shoulders relaxed he sat up slightly and wrapped his arms around me and breathed into my neck. “My thanks, My Heart.”

Oh, hey, stomach flutters were back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I started work again and I'm very, very tired, but here's a chapter!


	37. Chapter 37

Solas eventually moved to lean against the wall of my dream cabin, his legs extended so our ankles were tangled together as I knitted. I could feel his eyes on me as he studied me, seeming to be trying to puzzle something out. I was so acutely aware of his attention that I wasn’t startled when he spoke. 

"Would you indulge me?" His eyes suddenly dropped from their study of my face to the pillow in his lap.

"With what?" I replied amiably, but unwilling to commit to an unknown.

"Share a memory with me. From before." He wasn't looking directly at me when he asked, carrying an air as if he was asking for something he shouldn't be.

"If you will in turn." I evaded, though I was already trying to figure out which one to show.

"Of course."

'Of course' my ass. The corner of his mouth quirked upwards but he still wasn't looking directly at me, instead pretending to be focused on the fade pillow in his lap.

"You have a specific memory of mine you want to see, don't you?" I nudged him playfully with my elbow.

"You have caught me." He admitted.

"What are you wanting to know?" I asked warily.

He hesitated before carefully speaking, as if considering each word before saying them. "I would… like to know the first time you saw me."

Interesting. "There's a really good chance that will confuse you beyond belief."

"That was not a no."

"No, it wasn't." I studied him curiously. "First time I saw you physically? Or before?"

"Before." He said hastily, then amended. "If you are willing."

I nodded and tugged on the fade, focusing and editing until we were standing at the first rift outside of Haven, watching Kost as his hand was grabbed by a being of angles and shoved into the rift. I added my emotional reaction from my first playthrough, giving it a voice that whirled around us like the whipping wind. "What the fuck that was such a stupid idea why would he think that was a good idea he's so smug so certain I bet he knows more than he's saying wow those eyelashes and that voice he's hiding something I bet it."

I froze the memory at Solas leaning on his staff, watching Kost from under his lashes. Solas walked around my memory of him curiously. Seeing them next to each other was weird. My memory of him was sharper, more angular, and shorter. It was like seeing a painting next to a model.

The real Solas glanced around with a puzzled expression. "This? This was the first?"

"It was significant. You felt the whole world change." I said softly, moving to stand in front of the frozen memory of him. "And you made me very, very suspicious despite your smile." 

"That phrase makes you sad." He said absently as he started moving around the frozen memory again.

"At the time it didn’t." I laughed ruefully. "But this is the first I saw you, before."

He paused in front of the frozen Kost and frowned. “You changed this. Him.” He glanced around the memory, my magically realized portrayal of the first time I played the game. “That is how you remember me, and the child of the stone, even the Seeker. Your emotions are how you remember. You only changed him. Why?” 

“It’s… complicated?” I winced and started to unravel the dream but he held onto it, holding it in place. I felt a flash of anxiety at the reminder that this was his domain, and instantly his hold on the dream vanished.

“Forgive me.” He said softly but his eyes were fixed on Kost still. “I am simply… curious. Terribly, terribly curious.” 

Curious about the man bearing his anchor. Curious about the man who earned his respect, who seemed real in a world of shadows. Was it because this man was special? Or was it because the people of this world were more than he assumed. With that thought in mind… I let the image of Kost flicker through every Inquisitor I had played. My female Cadash rogue, the female Adaar warrior and the male Adaar mage, the female mage Trevelyan, the male warrior Lavellan, and then… then the female Lavellan mage.

He tugged on the dream, halting the image on her, my first Inquisitor, a perplexed furrow between his brows. “Who are they?”

“People who could have been the one to interrupt the ritual. Or they never existed. Or they are out there, or they died.”

“So many…” He murmured, then reached out and traced the line of Mythal’s vallaslin on Lavellan’s face. “This one makes you sad. Who was she?”

“A Dalish girl in the wrong place at the wrong time.” I started the memory over with Lavellan in Kost’s place and then stopped it with Solas’ hand on her wrist, forcing it into the rift. “She was in over her head and trying to do her best. She fell in love with the grim and mysterious apostate who helped her, even though he mocked her people.” I shrugged. “Or maybe she doesn’t exist.” 

Solas’ hand drew back from the image and he looked at me with a stricken expression. “What happened to her?” 

I winced and Solas sent out another flare of guilt at my expression.

“I hurt her.” 

I nodded and changed the Lavellan to the one I remembered at the end of the game. One arm missing, barefaced, and so, so sad. Alone. Then I waved my hand and dismissed the dream. This time Solas let it slip away and leave us in the raw fade. A spirit of grief was hovering near where Lavellan’s image had stood and I walked over and hugged it. It took the form of a sobbing woman and I petted its hair gently as I held it. After a moment it pulled away and looked at me with too many eyes. Or enough eyes. However many it took to see a person grieved.

“Thank you.” Helping someone else always made me feel better. 

It wavered and then floated away, leaving me alone with Solas, who was watching me with that intense, searching look.

“She was real.”

I hesitated. “She was a story. She was my story, a shadow whose eyes I saw through, and beyond that I don’t know.”

Solas’ eyes unfocused as he thought that over. “In another life I was the shadow you watched…” He murmured, then looked at me intently. “Was it the same story with each of them?”

I conjured the image of Cadash. “She went to the templars and was in love with Sera.” Trevelyan. “She was in love with Bull and ended up weeping over his corpse when the Qun made him betray her.” Adaar. “She was your friend and tried so, so hard to save Wisdom.” The male Lavellan. “You despised him because he was power hungry and cruel. He punched you.” The female Lavellan. “Her first kiss was in the fade. The Iron Bull protected her from the Qun.”

“The story was different and the same, their choices shaping it. They were all… extraordinary people in their own way. Real or not real, or only real to me.” I gave him a wincing sort of smile. “They were all real enough for me.”

Solas was still looking at me intently but there was something else in his eyes. He was better at keeping his emotions from bleeding out into the fade than I was, but I could see it. In his eyes… was fear. “The-“ he faltered for a moment then seemed to find his voice. “Did I… care for her? Did I-“ he faltered again before forcing out the words. “The shadow of me that you saw… did I use… her?”

Ah. “You frustrated her immensely with how elusive you were. Three kisses and a dance was all I saw. You cared for her but you ended things before you...” I paused, realized I was seriously saying too much. “I think it’s your turn to show me a memory.” 

He looked relieved but still quite a bit horrified. I moved to him and leaned slightly against his arm. He was tense, but leaned back into me, accepting the contact. We stood there for a long moment before he spoke, his words carefully controlled. “What do you wish to see?”

“Like for like? I showed you the first time I saw you, why don’t you show me the first time you saw me?”

He let out a slow breath but nodded and the fade swirled around us, back to Haven. It all seemed so… dim. Lifeless. Like the town had gone stale. The snow didn’t glimmer in the sunlight and the people hurried through the paths with gaunt, hollowed faces, their eyes blank and lifeless. Solas took my hand and led me through the stale street to the cabin he had stayed in. The memory of him looked over the winding people with an expression of distaste until suddenly I felt a flare of shock from the memory. I followed his line of sight and found Onhalla, walking with straight shoulders and a smile, seeming brighter than everything around her. A second later I appeared and I felt Solas’ memory. Shock, hope, horror, suspicion. The sight of the vallaslin was stark and distressing on my face, even as Onhalla seemed to brighten when I hugged her.

The snow glinted at my feet and I could feel Solas’ fascination as the memory of me linked arms with Onhalla and walked away.

“I never had a chance of avoiding you.” I said in amusement. “I basically had a giant ‘notice me’ sign on my face and didn’t even know it.”

“I attempted to approach you the next day as you spoke to the Inquisitor.” He said quietly. The memory took shape from his point of view.

I looked absolutely tiny, bright despite the slave marking on my face, my magic swirling brightly and freely with emotion. I was grinning up at Kost, teasing him despite looking so fragile. Kost giggled and Solas had felt a flash of shock and then intrigue at me drawing the sound from him, and then he spoke and the memory of me whirled, and I saw my past expression fall from good natured laughter into absolute horror as my eyes fell on him, my magic flaring in fear. 

There was a tinge of guilt, a lot of suspicion, an incredible amount of curiosity, and then disappointment as the memory of myself beat a hasty retreat, bowing and fleeing with hunched shoulders. 

“She’s never done that before.” The memory of Kost said, sounding incredibly hurt, I hadn’t realized exactly how much my bowing to him in public had affected him. 

The memory of Solas offered his kind smile, “Posturing is necessary at times… Herald.” 

I snorted. “As much good as it did for me. I was hoping you would think I was scared of mages and dismiss me. Didn’t realize I was one, or so obvious of one.” I soothed over the words by stroking my thumb over the back of his hand.

Solas chuckled and nodded, pointing to the ground in my memory’s path. The snow left in my wake seemed to shimmer and glint where the rest surrounding remained dull. “Your magic flowed from you so freely, I had wondered if you might have been Elvhen. The first thing mages of this age are taught, no matter their culture, is to contain and suppress their magic. But the elvhen, they embraced it until it was as natural as breathing.”

“Jesus fuck, no wonder you thought I was bait.” I murmured.

He laughed again and wrapped his arm around me. “I had wracked my mind for enemies I had that could still affect the world enough to set you in my path. Many nights I did not enter the fade at the questions plaguing me. Every aspect of you seemed… designed to draw me in. Not just the vallaslin, your magic, the way you fled, the way you gathered and protected people. Even the games and trades with me, your touches and the courting gift. Everything seemed designed to draw me in and I could not find the trap in it.”

“Huh. I had wondered why you weren’t nosing around my dreams. Should have guessed you were looking for traps.”

“I quickly grew frustrated with my inability to find one.” He confessed. “And you surprised me yet again by greeting and accepting-” He paused and then huffed in amusement. “What I assumed you thought was a spirit.” 

I laughed and hugged him. “You played fetch with me.”

He sighed and rolled his eyes, “You were distraught.”

“You rolled over for a belly rub.”

“I did not.” He sounded indignant.

“Did too.”

He sighed again, but this time in good natured defeat. “Never again.”

“Nothing is inevitable.” I stuck my nose in the air playfully.

He opened his mouth to reply, and then I was awake with Rasa sitting on my stomach and a light clasped in her chubby fingers. “Mack!” She crowed.

“Yes. That’s magic.” I grumbled. Solas was still wrestling himself out of the fade, laying curled against my side. “How did you get in here?”

“Mack!” She leaned over and smacked at Solas’ face with her glowing hand. “Ook! mack!”

Solas finally pried his eyes open and fixed the child with a bewildered look as she patted his face instantly. “On viraju.” He finally muttered and rubbed his eyes. “Ahnsul as’ea inor el’anhamina?”

“I’m going to assume you asked why she’s in here and the answer is she wanted to show you something.” I said as I sat up and pulled Rasa away from Solas. “He’s very, very impressed with you.” I said solemnly and Rasa lit up in a grin and shoved her glowing hand in my face.

“Mack!”

“It is magic! Beautiful, wonderful magic!” I started peppering her face with kisses until she giggled and squirmed away, toddling out of the door, which was wide open. Lahnehn was watching her daughter with an indulgent smile that turned sly when she looked at me and Solas tangled on the bed. I stuck my tongue out at her and shut the door with my magic. 

“Well. Guess it’s time to get up.” I sighed.

“Tel.” Solas rolled over and pressed his face into the blankets and I couldn’t suppress the smile of amusement from the big bad Dread Wolf being a grumpy riser. 

I rolled and laid myself across his back and scraped my teeth lightly over the back of his neck, drawing a shuddering inhale from him. I could feel him tense underneath me as I buried my nose into his neck and breathed him in. “On dhea, ma’lath.”

He started to roll under me and I leaped to my feet, shedding the blanket on my legs and moving towards the door. 

His eyes narrowed at me in good natured irritation. “Shaderash.”

“Tel’eolasa ra av.”  _ I don’t know that word _ . I smiled coyly at him

“Flirt, or perhaps ‘tease’ would be more accurate.” His head fell back onto the bed and he looked rather beautiful sprawled across the bed like that. I considered getting back into bed with him, but there was a knock on the door. 

“On dhea, Tarlan’Fen. Vun’in tel’melena sul’ma!” It was Terys, who was apparently openly using elvhen now.

I glanced at Solas for translation and he gave a long suffering sigh. “He said ‘the day waits not for you’.” 

I grimaced at the door. “Ma ishan’ean aria!”

There was a silence on the other side of the door and then a befuddled sounding, “I’ll have your breakfast ready?”

Solas gave me an odd look as he sat up. “Man bird barrier?” 

“It’s a cultural joke.” I admitted. “Doesn’t translate well. I called him a cock block.”

His face cleared in amused understanding. “Ah, ‘mis’su’ma’paladahl’. The literal translation would be ‘the blade to my sex tree’. The cultural translation would be similar in meaning, I believe. Paladahl was a popular term for a penis.”

Even calling someone a cock block sounded poetic in elvhen. I repeated the phrase a few times to commit it to memory, acutely aware of the way his eyes watched my mouth, before I smiled at him and slipped out of his room to greet the pack and get ready for the day. I took two steps before I was tackled from the side and ended up tumbling into the pool of water next to Solas’ room. 

I was released the moment we hit the water and I twisted and kicked against the bottom and came up sputtering. Harrill’s head popped up through the surface of the water beside me and she burst into laughter as soon as she had air. I gaped at her through the water dripping into my eyes before bursting into my own giggles. 

“Oh gods, I did not see that coming.” I laughed and wiped water from my face only to be immediately drenched again as a giggling Jim and Ellas cannonballed into the pool with us. 

It devolved into an impromptu pool party, with splash wars and giggling, and then the mages trying to magically dry everyone off when Saam summoned us for breakfast. Ellas’ hair poofed out like a thistles from the drying spell, and I found myself giggling over it even as I hungrily shoveled porridge into my mouth. The newcomers seemed torn between relieved amusement and puzzlement. I would assume they were shocked that the ‘lady wolf’ could be pranked and played with. 

Solas eventually emerged from his room, looking as raggedly put together as ever, but the second he dropped down to sit next to me, Rasa wiggled out of Lahnehn’s arms and ran to him, a light sputtering into life in her hands. “Ook! Mack!” She cried as she tripped and Solas had to catch her and set her back onto her feet. 

“I see, da’len.” He said and tried to gently guide her back to her mother. Rasa was having none of it. She waved her glowing hand at him. “Mack!”

He sighed and produced another light, this one pink, and she eagerly grabbed it from him and then turned and toddled back to Lahnehn with another cry of, “Mack!”

Jim spoke up hesitantly. “Can… can you do that with the rest of us?”

Wisdom wiggled into my lap and began purring and Rage rested his head on my shoulder from behind me as Solas hesitated before nodding. Loyalty also made its appearance, moving so I could lean back against its leg to watch as Solas conjured a light into his palm and let the other children try to pick it up. Haleir, Anise, and Jim all managed to pick the light up, though Jim had to try several times before the light reluctantly clung to his fingers. He started crying when he finally managed to pick it up and Solas looked horrified as the boy tried to scrub the tears off of his face.

Cole poofed in and put his hands on Jim’s shoulders. “She would still love you even if you couldn’t. The light doesn’t make her love you, you do.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” I held my arms out to him and Jim hesitated before shyly coming to me and letting me hug him. “I’m so proud of you, and I’m happy you get to have magic, but I’m proud of how brave you are, and how you take care of the others, and how hard you try to learn. I love you, magic or no.” 

Anise moved to crouch by Jim, hesitantly putting her hand on his shoulder. “Is this… like the ear thing?”

Jim tensed in my arms but then nodded, still trying very hard not to cry, and oh. “Sweetie, what makes you, you is not the shape of your ears or height, it's not whether or not you have horns or magic. You’re pack, love.” 

Anise smiled at me and hugged Jim’s back, “Pack is Pack.” 

Rasa toddled over and tugged on Jim's sleeve, holding out her hand with the ball of light. “Bim, Mack.” She held it up to him with the most earnest expression I had ever seen on a toddler.

Jim hiccuped and then reached out and took the light from her, a slow smile spreading across his face as the light clung to his fingers. “Ma serannas, Rasa.” 

Rasa looked satisfied and scrambled closer to give him a rather too enthusiastic head butt. “Mack!”

Jim laughed and rubbed his nose, before turning and pressing his forehead to mine. “Ma serannas, Tarlan’fen.” Before I could say anything to him, he turned and scurried away from me to where Thom and Amund were working on something… giant and baskety looking. 

I glanced over at Ellas, the only kid who didn’t have magic and quietly said. “I love you too, love.” 

He shrugged. “I’m alright. One of us needs to not have magic so if the templars come we don’t all get smited.”

Rage hissed in time with the ugly twist of rage in my gut at the thought of the children trying to defend themselves from templars, at the fact that he had even had to  _ think _ about that. The fact that it was  _ possible. _ I swallowed a growl and pulled him to me to hug him. Wisdom mrrped and trotted over to Solas as I squeezed Ellas. “I’ll do my best to make sure that never happens, ma’da’fenlin.” 

“We know.” He said simply, and then wiggled out of my lap and dashed off with all of the carefree spirit of a child. 

I breathed a box and gave Rage my anger, and then stood up to pat Loyalty on the neck and glance over the pack still at the table. Fenvir and Lisa both were watching me with open curiosity. Saam was smiling and Mae had tears in her eyes. “Would to the Maker I had had someone accept me so readily at that age. Tha- Ma serannas, Tarlan’Fen.” 

I mentally flailed, uncertain how to respond to that, and Onhalla rescued me by answering for me as she returned my papers from the night before. “It is our new path, fenfalon. Our children will be loved because we will love them.” She pressed her forehead against mine before hesitantly patting Loyalty on the neck. 

“What about demons?” Tamaris said in a hushed tone.

“They have not manifested fully, so what you would consider demons will not notice them for some time.” Solas said smoothly as he stood from the table. “And we will be teaching them how to safely interact with spirits.”

‘We’. Very, very interesting word there, mister dread wolf. 

“Also, without the terror and uncertainty of manifesting suddenly and then worrying about…” I waved my hand vaguely upwards to indicate circles and templars and mage hunters. “They’re not an easy target and they have us.”

Tamaris seemed uncertainly satisfied and I stood on tiptoe to kiss Solas’ cheek before gathering my things to get to work. Sa’nehn and Terys fell into step behind me as I headed for the stairs. I raised my eyebrows at Terys and he shrugged. “Ar’an’dara aran’vir.”

I parsed the sentence out as best I could. “We go… something path?”

“We go a similar way.” He smiled, looking pleased. “You are improving.”

“Ar esaya.”  _ I try. _

Sa’nehn was not trying to be subtle at all as he scrawled out our words onto a piece of paper. I made a mental note to get him a proper notebook as I huffed my way up the stairs. They were easier than they used to be, but there were still just so many. At least I still had most of my breath when I made it to the Rotunda and found Cassandra standing there, studying Solas’ paintings with her hands clasped in the small of her back. She was wearing her Seeker armor and I felt wary.

“On dhea. Seeker Cassandra.” I greeted her as I crossed the Notice Me Not.

She startled but collected herself. “Good morning, Castellan.” Her eyes flicked over my shadows and she shifted uncomfortably. “May I speak to you in private?” 

Terys glanced at me before inclining his head slightly. “I will get on with my work, Lady Wolf.”

He left but Sa’nehn crossed his arms and moved closer to me pointedly. “I stay with my lady.” 

Cassandra faltered. “I… this is a… delicate subject.”

“Is Cullen alright?” I blurted out, already taking a step towards the door in concern. 

“Yes.” She answered hastily. “He is well, better than-” She shook her head. “He said you-” She paused again and glanced at Sa’nehn.

“He knows more about me than almost anyone else. You can talk in front of him.” I assured her. “I trust him.” 

She hesitated again before stepping close to me and saying in a hushed murmur, “He said that you dream of… of us.”

Oh. Oh!  _ Oh! _ “Shit!” I grabbed her hand and started for the door, practically dragging her behind me. I had forgotten about the Seekers! Daniel! Where were they? Caer something. I pulled her all the way to the War Room, ignoring the murmurs and Josephine’s shocked, “Castellan?” As I rushed by her. I released Cassandra’s hand and poured over the map, searching for the name to trigger my memory. Ferelden? I ran my finger over the map, somewhere south, somewhere- “There!”

I pointed at Caer Oswin. “There, the missing Seekers are there.” I looked up to find Cassandra, Josephine, and Leliana all watching me. Leliana stepped forward and placed a marker over the spot under my finger.

“We will send scouts to-”

“No! You have to go! Now! They were sold to the fire. They can’t be possessed but there are other ways to put a demon in someone, cutting and crawling and poison spreading- You have to save them.” 

Cassandra’s face drained of blood and she turned on her heel and stormed out, yelling for a runner to fetch soldiers. I leaned against the table and tried not to cry. How could I have forgotten the Seekers? How could I have forgotten? I felt a hand rest on my shoulder and I inhaled shakily. “I forgot… how could I forget? What if it’s too late now?” 

“You cannot be expected to remember every detail.” Leliana said softly. She was… comforting me.

I sighed. I knew that, but… It was soberingly horrifying to have my ‘game trivia’ actually have lives hanging on it. “There’s a hundred year old contract with the House of Repose on the Montilyet family.” Leliana’s hand tightened on my shoulder. “Vivienne will need the heart of a white wyvern. Dorian needs his birthright back. I- We need some of the Riviani amulets that prevent a spirit from being bound.” 

She made a humming sound when I paused “Is that all?”

“No.” I laughed in an almost sob. “There’s so much, so much and I don’t even know which of it is or never was.” I exhaled slowly.

“You should write down what you can.” Leliana suggested gently.

I turned my head to fix her with a doubtful look. “Would you want everything I know of you to be on paper?”

She made that humming sound again and let her hand drop from my shoulder. “No. I think I would not.” 

“The Du Paraquettes can annul the contract.” I said to Josephine, then straightened my shoulders and inhaled. “I need to get back to work.”

“Lady Wolf.” Leliana said quietly. “Thank you.” 

I gave her a wan smile before moving to the door. I was met by a concerned Solas and Wisdom.

“How do you do that?” I asked curiously. 

He gently lifted his hand and touched the wolf pendant around my neck and I couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh and cover his hand with my own so his was pressed to my chest. “Sneaky.”

“I was not-“ he started but then looked down guiltily. “It allows me to feel you as if we were in the fade. If you do not wish it…” 

“I don’t mind it. But next time, just ask. You’ll find I’m surprisingly agreeable about things.” I patted his hand affectionately.

His shoulders relaxed, I hadn’t realized he had tensed, and he smiled at me before glancing over my shoulder and I lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Just had some… things to say. I need to finish my work for the day.” I stood on tip toe and kissed the corner of his mouth. “I will meet you for dinner, ma’lath.” 

He nodded and pulled me into a proper kiss before whispering in my ear. “Ma tel’eolasa ahn mar av suleva su ma’nas, vhenan.”  _ You know not what your words mean to my soul. _ He pulled away and smiled. “Do not strain yourself.”

He cast another amused glance over my shoulder before taking his leave and I looked back to see Josephine watching with her hands clasped over her heart and starry eyed as if she had just seen… a… wedding… We had been speaking quietly enough she shouldn’t have heard us, but we probably painted a pretty romantic picture.

Oh boy. I gave her a weak smile and booked it. I had things to organize, a letter to translate, and all without burning up everything I ate today. 

I ended up set ting up in the garden again. It was a decent place to work where people could find me and Rage waddled happily about. Or angrily about, depending on how you looked at it. A shadow fell over me as I was working on another proposition for making an Inquisition school. I looked up and instantly went on wary alert at the sight of the Chancellor Roderick. He had survived due to my meddling, but I had no idea… how he viewed me now. He had been in self imposed isolation since Haven’s fall.

“May I help you?” I decided politeness was the best path to take. 

“You…” He scowled, and then hesitated, wincing before continuing. “You…” He trailed off, and scowled again and obviously changed tracks. “The Mother Giselle asked me to investigate you for heresy.”

Oh. I blinked and set my papers aside. “So you need to investigate me?”

He looked away and then shook his head. “No. I refused. You… are not a believer and so cannot be a heretic and I told her as much.”

That was… I didn’t know what to do with this. “Oh.”

“I simply… came to warn you that she is… she is up to something, something against you.” 

“Oh. Thank you for telling me.” I gave him an uneasy smile. “I… to be honest I knew she didn’t like me, I just don’t know what to do about it.”

He seemed to straighten. “I will speak to the Inquisitor on your behalf. You may not be a believer, but you were obviously sent to the Herald to aid him and it is my duty as a believer to defend you.” 

He nodded and turned on his heel and left and I stared after him in absolute shock. What just happened?


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> explicit scenes between the rows of asterisks for those that want to skip

In the Den, after dinner had been eaten, Solas sat down with any of the pack who wanted to learn (it was almost all of them) and began to teach them ancient elvhen. Sa’nehn and I worked together to translate the ‘Pack Way’ into elvhen and then Thom and Terys painted it onto a large sign they built and hung near the Rotunda entrance. Terys named it “Vir’Fenes”, or ‘Way of the Wolf’ and then gave me a shit eating grin when I gave him a flat look.

_ ‘Vis ma’isathe, ar ju’druathe math _

_ Vis ma’numavathe, ar ju’druathe man _

_ Vis ma’ane eireth, ar ju’druathe ise _

_ Vis ma’ane i’tel, ma’av’ahna i ar ju’sul’ema _

_ Vis ma’vira virathe’or’nuathe, ma’av’ahna i ar ju’halani _

_ Ar tel’ajua gara air  _

_ Ar tel’ajua ahnsul or geal or eal’tunan _

_ Ar ajua ahnsul ar eolasa ra ea on _

_ Ar elitha emma’vir’sule’vi’in i ar ghi’la ara’lin’ _

The sign turned out pretty great to be honest, and I copied our painstaking translation down onto paper to send to Merrill. She’d flip her lid at the ‘poetry’ in complete elvhen, script and all. As well as it being called Vir’Fenes. I highly predicted a letter full of questions.

I was feeling… well, kind of smug. Solas was in his element, teaching and sharing knowledge, and he was absently conjuring little lights in his off hand for Rasa to play with as he spoke. Lahnehn came up and took her kid to get her ready for bed, and I went to stand in front of Solas, tucking my hands behind my back and tilting my head just so to mimic his customary posture.

He finished his thought before looking down at me. “Tarlan’Fen?”

“We were having a discussion this morning that was interrupted. Would you care to finish it?” I kept my tone flatly polite. 

His lips parted slightly and his eyes darkened, but he played along and inclined his head in an equally bland polite gesture. “Ma nuvenin.” 

I turned briskly on my heel and called out a ‘good night’ in elvhen before striding towards Solas’ room. I could barely hear Solas’ footsteps behind me as he followed behind me, only stepping forward to open the door for me and let me enter first. He closed the door behind us and latched it and I leaned my shoulder against the wall. “Now. Where were we?”

*

*

*

“I believe you were teasing me.” He said with a slight smile and stepped towards the bed.

“Well, that won’t do.” I gave him a grin and moved to press my hands between his shoulder blades and give a light shove. 

It was nowhere near strong enough to do anything but let him know my intent, but he moved with it and fell gracefully to his knees on the mattress. A smirk played in the corner of his mouth as he pulled his tunic off and I admired the play of lean muscle for a moment before commenting as he started unlacing his leggings. “Eager, are you?”

His smirk grew as he slid the fabric off of his legs. “Ar ema isalem ma o’melahn ar thenem.”  _ I have lusted for you since I woke. _

Well then! I broke out another helpful phrase Wisdom had taught me as I advanced on him and placed a soft kiss to the point of his ear. “Lana em sul’ana reunathe su ma.”  _ Allow me to give release to you. _

He exhaled shakily and I admired the flush of pink that colored his ears as I took my time unlacing my tunic. 

“Mar av’in dya ea emma’nehn’ha’lam.”  _ Your mouth shall be my-  _ something.

“What was that last word?” I murmured as I shucked my clothes and then moved to kneel on the bed behind him and wrap my arms around his chest, pressing myself against the line of his back to indulge in the feel of skin against skin.

“My end-” He sighed softly as I mouthed the line of his ear. “My end from ecstasy.” 

I slid my hands down his chest, enjoying the way his stomach muscles twitched as I brushed over them and then clutched at his hips. “Is that a poetic way of saying you want to fuck my mouth?” I scraped my teeth over the corner of his jaw and he groaned and tilted his head back to give me better access to the line of his throat. “Ela em vallasa tarsul mar seithe i’ma’av’in?”  _ May I write upon your skin with my mouth? _

He tensed in my arms and the assurance that he did not have to agree was on the tip of my tongue when he gave a sharp nod. “Vin.” 

“Telir vis ma isala.” I murmured into the corded line of his shoulder.  _ Only if you desire. _

“Vis ajuath sathal su’ma.”  _ If the act is pleasing to you.  _ He seemed to sense my hesitation and turned in my arms so we were facing each other and spread his knees so mine were fitted between his thighs. He pressed his forehead to mine and rested his hands on my waist. “Sha’lanun, vhenan. A happy allowance.” 

I leaned down and laved the line of his collarbone. “Perhaps after we’ve had the chance to talk about what it means to you, vhenan. For now…” I pushed at him until he was laying on his back. “Ar isala ava ma.”  _ I wish to taste you _ .

He relaxed into the mattress and I moved to straddle his waist, bracing my hands on his chest and stealing a brief few rolls of my hips to both let him feel that I was already getting slick for him and for the friction. I let out a pleased sigh as his hands moved up to rest gently on my thighs and leaned down to kiss the edge of his ear, his jaw, the hollow of his throat. The key to the den and his courting gift still hung from my neck and I liked the way he would shiver as they dragged over his skin as I tasted his collar bone, the planes of his chest, I worked my way down slowly and sweetly until he was breathing raggedly under me, his hands going up to clasp his own wrists desperately above his head as I carefully sucked at the jut of his hip, no marks, just sensation. 

He was hard, flushed and wanting and his hips moving in slight, uncontrolled movements as I moved down from his hip bone to his thigh, and his control cracked in a breathless, broken, “Vhenan, sathan… ava-”

His plea cut off with a sharp moan as I licked his cock from base to tip. I let out a pleased hum and set to enjoying myself with drawing every twitch and moan I could draw from him. Unlike the first time I had done this, I was in no hurry. I licked and kissed and sucked and savored the scent and flavor of him as well as the sounds he was trying to suppress. I didn’t quite manage to get him completely down my throat, out of practice with the skill, but the effort had him barking out a sharp warning of, “Vhenan! Ar-” that cut off when I pulled my mouth off of his cock. 

“Fenedhis.” He almost whimpered as his head fell back against the mattress. His fingers were still clutching his own wrists tightly and he looked utterly edible. He twitched when I kissed the line of his hip and then let out a ragged breath. “Dya ar vegara sha’lunan?”  _ Shall I return the happy allowance? _

“Vis ma isala.” I replied into the skin of his belly.

“I’ga’or ma’nas.”  _ With all of my soul. _ He whispered and let out a pleased sigh as I started working my way back up his body with open mouthed kisses, taking my time and pausing to enjoy the different parts of him I found especially beautiful, until he lost his patience and firmly but gently grabbed the back of my thighs and lifted me up and slid down the mattress in a graceful, powerful movement that had me bracing my arms on the mattress for balance as he held my legs apart and thrust his tongue into me in a exquisitely sudden burst of pleasure. 

For every bit of languid savoring I had subjected him to, he countered with desperate devouring, using his teeth, lips, and tongue to draw stuttered curses and gasps from me, holding my thighs far enough apart that I could feel the stretch in my groin as he fucked me near senseless with his tongue. I could feel my orgasm curling up through me in tight, heated coils and I gasped out his name. “Solas, vhenan, I- ar isala-” He slowed his movements enough for me to gather my words, dragging his tongue along my cunt with aching patience. “Rosa’da’din in’em.”  _ Cum inside of me. _

His fingers tightened and then deliberately loosened on my thighs and he pressed one last, urgent kiss to my clit before releasing me so I could slide my shaking body down his, kissing him messily and tasting both his ragged sigh and myself on his lips as I sank down onto his cock in a slow, heated slide that nearly had me rolling my eyes back in bliss. 

This was my favorite position, my favorite thing to do with a lover, taking them inside me in long, slow movements that drew shuddering moans from both of us as we gave and took pleasure to each other. I loved to watch him beneath me, the clenching of his stomach muscles, the flush and sweat spread over his chest and cheekbones, the lax way his mouth was open as he murmured elvhen too fast for me to parse in my heated state of mind. He was beautiful.

His courting gift rested between my breasts and it allowed him to feel me as if we were in the fade and I wondered if… On some impulse I opened myself up and the slow rhythm of my hips stuttered and then sped at the sight and feel of the shadowed lightning of his aura, bright and powerful, practically boiling beneath his skin. The center of his chest where his heart would be was the brightest and on instinct I reached for it, pressing my palm flat against his chest and then reaching for him, sun yellow and warm, pushing into him, and brushed against it in a slide that made me think of silk and warmth and my body clenched around his cock at the sensation of sharp, powerful magic licking up through where our bodies connected.

He let out a shout and curled up off of the mattress, clutching me to him, and for a moment I thought to apologize until I focused on the words falling from his mouth.  _ “My heart, please, please, do that again, I beg you, my soul-” _

I reached into him with my aura and caressed the center of him and it was heady and beautiful and my body peaked at the feeling, the ecstasy of my orgasm echoed and reflected in his aura until it was a loop of emotion and sensation whirling between us and crackling with magic and heat.

*

*

*

I felt as if I was floating when I eventually regathered my senses and closed myself off. I was sprawled across Solas’ chest, lifted and dropped by his breathing, his arms holding me tightly to him as we both trembled. I was exhausted and happy and I pressed a shaky kiss to his shoulder. “Ir abelas… I didn’t-”

“Tel’abelas, vhenan. It was a pleasure I never thought to have again.” He murmured, his voice rough. “Sleep. We will meet in the fade.”

I don’t know if there was some magic in his words or if I was just that spent from the sex, but the next thing I knew, Solas was sitting on the ground outside my dream cabin, his back leaned against the tree, and me on his lap. His chin was tucked onto my shoulder and I sighed happily.

“What did I do?” I asked curiously. “It felt… right, but I really should have asked first.”

“You touched my center with your own.” I could feel a flare of awed happiness from him. "It is… a rare and intimate thing. It requires trust from both, as well as a great amount of magical ability."

"Oh… thank you." 

He huffed a soft laugh into my shoulder. "Thank you, love."

"Before I can forget, what does a hickey mean to you?"

He tensed a little, wary, but answered. "It is… the culture around me, before… marks were signs of possession. Often on  pleasure slaves . You mark what you own. To see such a mark on someone meant they were… it was not a thing you would see on a free person."

Oh shit. The thought had not even occurred to me but it made sense with the vallaslin and- Solas must have sensed my utter revulsion at the thought because he hugged me gently. "And that is why I would let you."

"Now that I have that thought in my head it's lost the appeal." I shuddered. 

"What did it mean to you?" He asked curiously.

"Mostly sensation. I like getting them because the act feels good. The mark was just… an aftereffect, like having a bit of a limp. Something to catch sight of in the mirror or feel a twinge and all at once you’re reminded of what you did the night before. A memory to smile at.”

He was quiet and I twisted slightly to look at his face. “I’m not going to mark you. You are my heart, but I don’t own you. I don’t want you to feel for a second that I think that I own you.” 

He pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth. “Never did I think I could find someone so well matched in spirit.” He murmured. 

“Both of us are chaotic punks?”

He huffed in amusement. “You more so than I.” 

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” I wiggled out of his lap and kissed him. “Now, I’m going to try and figure out how to become an eagle.”

He smiled at me and the fondness that echoed through the fade was aching in its intensity. “Of course.” 

By the time I woke, I had… made absolutely no progress. Being an eagle just didn’t click like a wolf did. But I was determined. Solas and I both collected several smirks and raised eyebrows when we emerged to meet for breakfast and I realized that they… might have heard Solas shout last night… oops. Solas veered away from the table and I didn’t blame him for avoiding the potential teasing. 

I plopped down in my seat and accepted Thom’s playful, “Congratulations.” with no more than a blush. I was well into my second bowl of ‘overnight stew’ and deep in a conversation with Dagna about magical perception when Solas settled down on the stone floor beside me. I finished my thought before greeting him with a smile.

He looked down at the table pensively before speaking quietly. “I fear I must leave for some time, perhaps a handful of days if the weather is kind. I have something I must do.”

“Do you need anything? Help or supplies?” I asked, concerned. The only trip away from the Inquisition I remembered was after Wisdom died, but she was currently curled in Amund’s arms and purring so I was at a loss.

“No, but thank you. I will return as soon as I am able.” He hesitated before capturing my hand and lifting it to his lips. “Thank you for your trust, vhenan. I will be leaving this evening.”

I squeezed his fingers gently. “Stay safe, love.”

“I must prepare, but I will find you later.”

“That would make me very happy.” I gave him another squeeze and he smiled softly at me before returning to his room. 

I finished my breakfast and my conversation with Dagna, and then I bundled up and headed for Skyhold proper with Rage and Sa’nehn at my heels. First thing I did was find Varric and hand him the unsealed letter for Merril. He cocked an eyebrow at me and flipped it open and stared at it for a long moment before laughing. “Ah, Fluffy. This is going to drive her crazy.” 

I grinned and shrugged. “Always happy to provide a mystery!” 

“I’m sure. So what did you say to the good Seek that had her setting out like her ass was on fire?”

My grin died at the reminder of my forgetfulness and the lives on it. He looked concerned and I shook my head. “Unfortunately, you’ll find out sooner or later. Just… let it rest until then.” 

His concerned expression remained even as I forced my smile back on and went to check with Josephine if there was anything I needed to handle. There was. A lot. Apparently she had very quickly caught on that I knew how to write a proposal letter and I was roped into helping her compose letters to various guilds and nobles. It… sucked, but I wasn’t going to abandon Josephine to handle all of them, especially after just volunteering to help. Eventually though, Rage communicated the fact that I was feeling frustrated to Sa’nehn, and he covered the paper I was working on with his hand. 

“It is time for you to rest, Tarlan’Fen.” 

I let out a relieved breath and nodded, shaking out the cramp in my hand, then gave Josephine a smile. “I’ll come back tomorrow to help some more.”

She was watching Sa’nehn with a calculating expression, but nodded and thanked me beautifully for the help before I slipped out of her office. I was blinking at the sunlight from the top of Skyhold’s stairs when I realized that I didn’t know where I was going. On impulse, I opened myself up and turned my attention to the stones of Skyhold. They seemed to slowly be growing more alert, but right now, they were subtly nudging me towards somewhere. I followed the impulse and then closed myself off when they felt satisfied, and I found myself looking up at Cullen.

“Oh. Are you feeling well?” I asked.

He was sweating and his eyes were dilated and he started to nod, and then shook his head. “Just a headache.”

“Well. I was just ordered to rest, so it’s lovely timing for me to show up. Go on, off to bed.” 

I smiled at him and he flushed and then shifted his weight before blurting. “I need help with the knitting.” 

“Of course.” 

Rage snaked his head around my waist and Cullen hesitated before petting him on the head.  _ He is angry at himself for wanting you to stay. He is angry at feeling weak. _

“Oh, sweetheart.” I impulsively moved forward and hugged Cullen. His armor was hard and not at all pleasant to hug, but he let out a soft sound and curled over me to hug me back. “If you want me to stay, you just have to ask.” 

“How do you do that?” He asked quietly. 

“The Stones led me here.” I pulled away and smiled at him. “Now, go on up and get comfortable, I’ll be right up.”

He looked… incredibly relieved and embarrassed both, but went for his ladder. I only had to glance at Sa’nehn for him to roll his eyes. “I will make sure he is not disturbed, and I will inform Ser Wolf where he may find you.” 

“You’re the best.”

He grinned. “And I’ll find someone willing to sit outside the door with me to keep guard.”

“I want you to know that it means a lot to me how much effort you put into taking care of me.” I said earnestly. “You have a very big heart and it is something I admire about you.” 

He flushed and moved to the door. “I’ll have one of your wolves bring up some food for you both.” 

“Ma serannas, ma’fenlin.” 

He paused and looked back at me with a very earnest expression despite the blush on his ears. “Vir’Fenes, Tarlan’Fen.”

Fair enough. I hauled myself up the ladder and Rage honked irritably at me. I stuck my tongue out at him. “Go guard the garden for me. I’m sure you’ll collect quite a few tidbits of anger there.” 

Rage gave a ruffle of his feathers and did the odd poofing thing that Cole did, and I turned to face Cullen’s bed. He was sitting stiffly on the edge of it, looking rather vulnerable in just his shirt and pants. His armor was neatly put away and his knitting was laying on the bed beside him, though his hands were twisted into the blanket nervously. He looked for all the world like a virgin anxious about their first time, which was not a thought I should be having before climbing into bed with him. 

Ah well. The mind makes its connections where it will. I moved to sit beside him and pick up his knitting to inspect it. There were several rows done in the loose, wonky stitches of a beginner, and then a few dropped stitches. I smiled at him. “This is an easy fix. Get comfortable and I’ll show you how.” 

He exhaled sharply and I saw him pointedly loosen his jaw before he scooted back onto the bed to lean against the headboard. I hopped up and poured him a glass of water and handed it to him before climbing in next to him so our arms were pressed together. He rolled the glass between his hands and there was a distinctive hunch to his shoulders as he stared at it. 

I elbowed him gently. “Hey. What’s bothering you?”

He rolled the glass again before drinking it all in one go as if it were a shot and grimacing, moving to set it aside. 

“I feel like...” he halted his words with a groan and swung his legs over the side of the bed to lean his elbows against his knees and cradle his head in his hands. “This shouldn’t- you shouldn’t be… not here. I- forgive me.”

“Hey.” He looked so miserable and tense, I felt the need to comfort him and moved to my knees behind him and rubbed his shoulders. Gods, the muscles in his back were in knots and I immediately started working them loose. “I’m happy to be here. You’re important to me and I’m happy to be able to help. It’s alright to not feel well.” 

He in haled sharply but he seemed to melt into the touch and he exhaled, “Fen… you-“ he swallowed as my fingers worked his back and then sighed in a defeated sort of way. “I feel like a thief." He said eventually. "Stealing moments… things I should not- that aren't for me."

I blinked and frowned as I worked at the tense muscles. “I’m… not entirely sure what that means. I already finished my work, you need to rest, nothing’s being stolen.”

He groaned as I pressed a stubborn knot in his back then surprised me by turning suddenly and grasping my hands. “Fen… you… you can’t- you and Solas.”

Oh! “You do know that every other night or so I share a bed with like… fifteen people, right? This isn’t unusual for me.” His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open and I realized how that sounded. “Um, like, sleeping in the same bed, not… I’m not having orgies every other night. I’m trying to say that bed sharing isn’t exactly significant for me. This isn’t something to feel bad about...” 

Cullen closed his eyes and bowed his head in what looked like relief but somehow he still looked miserable.

“If… if you want me to leave, I will. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” I said carefully.

“I don’t want you to leave.” He said quickly, his hands tightened slightly on mine, then abruptly released them. “And that… is the problem. I- Forgive me.” 

That was the second time he said that. “I’m going to be very blunt right now, I don’t know what you’re apologizing for. You need rest, I can help, if you don’t want me to leave, I won’t. If I’m making you uncomfortable, I can go. It’s what you want. You just need to let me know what you need.” 

“You don’t-“ Cullen suddenly released a tortured sounding groan and fell backward on the bed and covered his face with his hands. “Maker, I’m-“ he groaned. “Nothing… I- I want nothing.” Though it sounded more as if he was trying to convince himself of that.

Subject change or figure out what was really bothering him? Subject change… sounded more comfortable? Maybe? “So… do you want me to show you how to pick up the dropped stitches or do you want to go ahead and nap because you look beat?” 

He removed his hands from his face and turned to look at me, and gods he looked tired and… longing? I was pretty sure that was what that expression meant and it tugged at my heart but I didn’t know what to do about it. Deep conversations were not best for treating withdrawals and migraines. 

“Tarlan’Fen? Commander?” I heard Solas’ voice from at the bottom of the ladder. “I brought lunch. May I come up?” 

I looked over towards the ladder and I was about to shout that was fine and then remembered that this wasn’t my space. I looked to Cullen to see if it was alright and he looked… very pale. Pale and a bit panicked, and then… utterly resigned. He went limp on the bed and closed his eyes. “Might as well.”

I relayed his agreement in a tone louder than a whisper and leaned over Cullen to pour him more water. Solas climbed into the loft with a tray balanced in one hand, that he somehow manoeuvred up through the trap door with him without spilling anything. Graceful bastard.

“I would have dropped that by now.” I set the filled water glass down in Cullen’s reach and turned to smile at Solas.

“I am aware.” Solas sounded amused. “Which is why I carried it up for you.” He glanced at Cullen and his brow furrowed, and then he glanced up at the ceiling, which was still open. “I should have brought the two of you another blanket. The cold cannot be good for either of you.” He said absently as he set the tray on the foot of the bed. His hand moved towards the floor, but at my raised eyebrow he paused and tilted his head. “Commander, may I cast a warming glyph on the floor?” 

“If you wish.” Cullen was still laying flat on his back with his eyes closed.

I pointed at him and made a concerned expression and then shrugged helplessly. I didn’t know what to do. Solas cast the warming glyph and then stood and looked over us both before making a slight ‘ah’ sound. 

“I would wager he fears I will be jealous to find you here.”

Cullen immediately tensed and went utterly still… I don’t even think he was breathing.

“Oh.” Alright, I really, really should have put this together myself. I blamed… uh… being oblivious because why would a man who has confessed being in love with me be nervous about my well known lover finding us in bed together? Sharing a bed wasn’t a big deal for me, and I knew Solas knew I preferred to sleep with company, but I knew that might be stressful for someone else. I should have thought to specifically tell him Solas was aware of my bed sharing habits. “I’m a blind idiot.” I murmured. 

Cullen made an unintelligible sound before rolling off of the bed and raising his hands to Solas. “Nothing… I… nothing happened, Solas. I would not… nothing happened.”

“I would think she would have at least put down her knitting if ‘something’ had happened.” Solas gave me an amused glance before looking at Cullen who had turned red in embarrassment. ”Jealousy implies possession, Commander. I do not own her.” 

“We’re going to need to talk about exactly what that means to you, vhenan.” I knew what that phrase meant to me, but I needed to know what that meant to him. 

“Perhaps on my return?” Solas gave me a small smile before looking at Cullen and frowning slightly. “For now, he needs to rest, you both need to eat, and I have things to attend to before I fetch you for supper.” 

He turned towards the ladder to leave but stopped at Cullen’s sputtered: “What?!”

“Do you require something, Commander?” He glanced over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow at him. I could see a flash of carefully hidden amusement. 

Cullen instantly shook his head then groaned and sat down heavily on the bed, cradling his head in his hands. “Maker’s Breath.”

Solas smirked and continued on the way to the ladder. “I believe you need to rest.” He turned to step back onto the ladder but his eyes caught mine before he descended “Mar’elithast, ma'lath, ma ea revaselan.”  _ Your choice, my love, you are free. _

“Ar'an dya dirtha, ma’vhenan.”  _ We shall speak, my heart. _

He gave me a soft smile and left and I turned to look at Cullen, who hadn’t moved. “Cullen… I’m sorry for distressing you. I really didn’t… realize. I’ll go; you need rest, not… stress.” 

He let out a sharp laugh. “No… Fen, you are... being an odd but good friend. It is my- I am the one who…” He let out a long sigh before letting himself fall sideways onto the bed, still holding his head. “Maker’s breath…” 

I started to slip out of the bed but he rolled quickly and caught my wrist, then just as quickly let it go. “Stay. If… if you want. You help.”

I nodded and set his knitting safely aside before moving to pull the blanket over him. It was comfortable with the glyph from Solas, but it was an instinctive gesture of comfort. “Alright, dharlin.” I eased back into the bed and laid down nearby so our arms were touching. 

Slowly, ever so slowly, the tension eased out of him. I thought he might have fallen asleep when he spoke softly. "Does this truly mean nothing to you? Sharing a bed?"

"It means a lot to me. It's trust and affection, but platonic."

"What is platonic?"

Oh right, they didn't have Plato in Thedas. "Love without sex."

He was quiet again before murmuring. "Alright." He let out a soft sigh. “You need to eat.” 

“Alright.” I sat up and scooted up so I could sit against the headboard and reach the tray. There seemed to be a bowl of soup and some bread for Cullen, and a plate of finger foods and meat for me. “There’s soup for you. Do you feel up to eating?”

“Not yet.” His eyes were closed and he sounded exhausted. 

I let my hand go to his shoulder and absently started working one handed at the tension while I ate with the other hand. The meal was easy to consume, which I thought was half the point, and it wasn’t long before I was finished and was sliding back down to steal some of the blanket. A nap did sound good after an emotional… whatever that had been. Did that count as a misunderstanding or a mistranslation? 

“What are you humming?” Cullen seemed to be a chatty person when he was tired. 

I hadn’t realized I was humming but I hummed a few more notes to figure out the song. Bohemian Rhapsody, of course. “Ah. Uh, it’s a song from my homeland.” I hesitated before worming my feet down into the blanket with him.

He exhaled an amused sound as my feet connected with his shins. “Cold.” Slowly, definitely slowly enough for me to protest if I wanted to, he covered my feet with his leg to warm them up. “What is it?” 

“I can sing if you want. It’s a song from when I was a kid.”

“Maybe later. If…” He trailed off in a sleepy murmur. 

“Yeah. Go to sleep, dharlin. You’ll feel better after.” I closed my own eyes, intending to take my own advice. 

I woke up to Solas’ amused face near my own, and the feeling of being very, very warm. And squished. Slightly squished, but comfortable. I blinked myself to awareness and realized I was being used as the world’s boniest teddy bear by a very heavy ex templar. His thigh was thrown over my legs and he was hugging me to his chest, his nose against the top of my head. There was no way I was getting out of this without waking him up. 

I opened my mouth but Solas just pressed a finger over my lips, then pointed at the hole in the ceiling. It was completely dark out. I gaped at him, indignant at them letting me sleep so long, but he traced a finger under my eye and I surmised he was saying I needed the rest. I stuck my tongue out at him and he gave the slightest of eye rolls before holding up a piece of paper.

_ I must leave. I will attempt to find you in your dreams if we happen to sleep at the same time. I will return as shortly as possible. Ar lath ma, vhenan.  _

I felt a little disappointed that I hadn’t gotten to spend a little time with him before he left, but I mouthed the words back to him.  _ Ar lath ma. _ And then added a silent, ‘safe travels’. 

He looked at me for a long moment before he carefully leaned in and pressed a kiss to my mouth before pulling back slightly and holding up a hand in question. I opened myself up slightly and caught the intent to send me back to sleep. I considered it, but I figured the Pack would be well for one night, and I was sure Solas made Sa’nehn at least trade off with someone for guard duty. I might as well let Cullen rest some more and get some warm sleep. I gave a slight nod and Solas smiled before touching my forehead with his fingers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vir'Fenen: The Way of the Wolf
> 
> Original English version:   
> If you are hungry, I will offer food.  
> If you are thirsty, I will offer water.  
> If you are cold, I will offer warmth.  
> If you are in need, ask and I will give.  
> If you are in trouble, ask and I will help.  
> I do not do these things in the hopes of being rewarded.  
> I do not do these things out of fear of punishment.  
> I do these things because I know them to be right.  
> I set my own standards and I alone enforce them.
> 
> Literal translation of elvhen version:   
> If you hunger, I will give food  
> If you thirst, I will give water  
> If you are cold, i will give warmth  
> If you are without, you ask and I will give  
> If you walk the path of trouble, you ask and I will help  
> I do not act to get compensation  
> I do not act because of the fear of being punished  
> I act because I know it is good  
> I choose my way of certainty and I guide myself
> 
> Elvhen translation:  
> Vis ma’isathe, ar ju’druathe math  
> Vis ma’numavathe, ar ju’druathe man  
> Vis ma’ane eireth, ar ju’druathe ise  
> Vis ma’ane i’tel, ma’av’ahna i ar ju’sul’ema  
> Vis ma’vira virathe’or’nuathe, ma’av’ahna i ar ju’halani  
> Ar tel’ajua gara air   
> Ar tel’ajua ahnsul or geal or eal’tunan  
> Ar ajua ahnsul ar eolasa ra ea on  
> Ar elitha emma’vir’sule’vi’in i ar ghi’la ara’lin


	39. Chapter 39

“Maker’s breath!” 

I startled awake as I was suddenly and unceremoniously dumped from my warm, comfortable bed onto a cold wood floor. I yelped when I landed, more shocked than hurt, but Cullen’s voice sounded panicked. 

“Fen? Forgive me, I-”

“I’m alright. Just startled.” I eased myself off of the floor and peered over the edge of his bed. “Are you alright?”

He was sitting up with his hands clutching the blanket over his lap and of course he was the kind of guy who freaked out about morning wood. He blushed. “I…”

I gave him an out. “Didn’t expect me to still be here?”

He nodded hastily and I hid my amusement by looking up at the ceiling hole. It was still dark out. “How do you tell what time of the night it is?” 

“I don’t.” He shook his head and glanced up at the hole and started to move to get up then blushed even redder, probably realizing he’d have to take the blankets with him if he wanted to keep hiding.

I helpfully turned my back to stand up and pretend to peer out the ceiling hole. “Well… I think I am going to have to write Sa’nehn a thank you note. He’s done a very good job making sure we weren’t disturbed.”

“Maker’s breath…” Cullen muttered.

I frowned at the ceiling. “Are you legally allowed to say ‘fuck’?”

“What?” He sounded baffled.

“I just only ever hear you use one swear phrase and I was wondering if you were legally allowed to use other profanity.”

“I… am not prohibited from swearing?” He still sounded adorably befuddled. 

“So you can say fuck, you just choose not to.” I nodded and wondered if I could nudge Terys to bump up Cullen’s roof on the ‘to fix’ list. I made a slight gasping noise. “Or can you only say it once so you’re saving it?” 

He let out a confused laugh. “Fen, I am a Commander, I can, and often do, use profanity’.” 

“But do you say ‘fuck’? It’s a different level of profanity than ‘Andraste’s Ass’ or whatever is popular nowadays. Less near blasphemy and more, I dunno,  _ feeling _ .” I figured that had been enough time for him to stop being embarrassed and turned to grin at him. He was pulling his boots on and had a slight, bemused smile on. 

“Why is it good to know whether or not I use certain profanity?” 

“It’s a classification system.” I waved my hand uncertainly. “It’s… huh. Really hard to explain to someone not familiar with it. But right now you’re either ‘legally not allowed to say fuck’ Or ‘can only say it once’.” I tilted my head and earned another laugh. “Or, you can say it but choose not to.”

“Perhaps…” he laughed, still blushing, but he didn’t look as embarrassed anymore. He finished pulling on his boots and stood… and immediately began stretching… because soldier. Right. I may have been staring. Then realized I was staring and that would horribly embarrass him. One last look and then I headed for the ladder, intending to remove the temptation of staring.

No sooner had I reached the bottom rung when I heard him. “Fen?” 

“I’m down here.” I called back. There was a covered tray on his desk. “It looks like they left food for us.” 

“We did.”

I jumped and let out a little shriek at the unexpected voice, then covered my mouth to stifle my laugh when I saw it was Gerald, who was slowly standing up from what looked like a makeshift bed near the door. And then I shrieked again because there was a loud thud  _ right next to me _ because Cullen had apparently jumped from the loft and had his sword out and-

“Shit- No! He's with me! He just startled me!” I held out my hands in a ‘please stop’ gesture before Gerald decided he needed to ready a spell to defend me and things got intense. 

Cullen blinked away his intense… -was that his ‘battle face’?- and then directed a confused, “Why is he  _ in _ here?” to me and then a less confused and more irritated, “Why are you in here?” To Gerald.

“Keeping people from coming in and disturbing you.” Gerald said dryly. “Ser Wolf was adamant that the two of you not be disturbed until you were finished… resting.”

“Nothing happened.” Cullen immediately blurted out then colored and turned his back and rubbed the back of his neck. “Maker’s breath!”

“Dharlin, blurting out that nothing happened just makes them think something did. You have to redirect.” I rolled my eyes, yes, I was having a little fun at his expense, I am not perfect, and also he did sort of need to learn not to blurt that out to less forgiving people than my pack. “Like this: Well, we’re finished resting. Now shoo so we can play chess.” I made a ‘there you go’ gesture. “Shows them you are perfectly comfortable with the events that transpired, or in our case, did not. Nothing to be ashamed of, no gossip. ‘Oh look, they’re old boring duds who take naps and play board games’.” 

“Quite boring.” Gerald rolled his eyes, then dipped his head in a slight nod/bow thing that city elves did. “I will inform Sa’nehn you are awake.”

“Don’t wake him up if he’s asleep. He’s still growing and needs the sleep.” 

“And get stabbed for not waking him up? No thank you.” He huffed and slipped out of the door.

I frowned after him. “I need to have words with that fenlin about using his teeth on the pack.” I turned to look at Cullen, who was looking at the door with a troubled expression.

“Hey? You alright?”

His eyes found me and he shook his head. “It will be spread throughout Skyhold by the midday meal.” He set aside his sword and started pacing and looked distraught. “The soldiers will talk.”

“They do that.” I said slowly, then asked, concerned. “Is that going to cause problems for you?” 

He stopped pacing and looked at me with a pained expression. “I’m not- it’s not me I’m concerned about.” He sighed and walked over to me and took one of my hands, gently. “They will talk, I can handle the scrutiny, but you… you will be seen as-“ he didn’t seem to want to finish as he looked away guiltily. “Forgive me.”

Oh! Yeah… that wasn’t really something I could avoid with my free approach to affection. “Cullen, as sweet as that thought is, I have pointed ears and I spend a lot of time around human men. I get called a knife-eared whore nearly every time someone doesn’t know I’m the Inquisitor’s friend or the Castellan.” I paused and then added. “And probably after too, but not where I can hear it.” 

His gaze snapped back to me and his eyes hardened in a way I had never really seen before. “Who?”

“Again, sweet, but you can’t fight half of the human population of Thedas, dharlin.” He was still holding my hand. 

His eyes immediately closed and he took a shuddering breath. “You… you shouldn’t call me that.”

“Sweet? Or Dharlin? Because both are kind of accurate.” 

He made a small noise in the back of his throat that very much resembled a whine and shook his head. “It… even in a ‘platonic’?” He said it in a slight questioning tone. “re- relationship…” he stumbled over the word. “It’s not… not right.”

Oh boy. “I call a lot of people puppy and sweet, but if it bothers you I’ll try to stop.” 

He blinked at me… then blinked again. “Darling?” The word came out a hesitant question, and oh, he was blushing again. And still holding my hand.

“Oh! Dharlin.” I enunciate the word carefully. “It’s ancient elvhen for puppy.” 

He burst into relieved and embarrassed laughter. “You call me puppy?”

“Yes, like one of those huge Ferelden mabari dogs that just want ear scratches and treats.” 

“They’re war dogs.” He said, in an affronted tone but he was grinning. It was a broad, honest smile and very, very beautiful.

“Yes, but they still want ear scratches and treats.” I patted his hands with my free hand and swallowed my stomach flutters. 

“Is it so terrible to know what you want?” He asked, still grinning and, oh, I think he was feeling comfortable enough to tease.

“I can’t reach your ears.” I laughed. 

“I could come to you?” Not a second after it was out of his mouth his whole face turned red and he abruptly dropped my hand. “That uh… sounded better in my head.”

I couldn’t help a slight laugh before shaking my head. “It’s fine.” My stomach turned from flutters to growls and I glanced at the covered tray on his desk. “Well… do you feel up to eating now?” 

“Oh,” he nodded and moved to pull a chair that was set against the wall to the desk, gesturing for me to take a seat. I obliged and started taking the cover off while he moved to the other side of the desk. 

“Sliced cheeses and fruits, and…” I prodded a flaky looking thing and punctured the apparent pastry crust. “Some sort of pie.” I licked my finger and made a satisfied noise. “Fish and mint.” 

I looked up to look at Cullen and he glanced away and swallowed before clearing his throat and moving to his seat behind the desk. “I… think it is a Starkhaven dish.”

“Huh. I’ve never been.” I started scooting the pies into two piles because I did not trust getting my fair share if I didn’t. “I do like fish and mint though, almost as much as fish and lemon.” I bit into one of the pies. It was pretty good cold, which I figured was the point of them.

“I’ve had baked fish with lemon.” He said quietly, reaching for a pie. ”Lemons are difficult to grow in Ferelden, so it is considered a rarity.” 

Unless you had magic… I not at all sneakily stole a piece of paper from the side of his desk and wrote ‘lemons’ on it in phonetic elvhen. “I had a lemon tree growing in my house when I was young. It was about as tall as you, and only produced maybe four lemons a year. My father would squeeze them and we would drink sweetened lemon juice every summer.” 

“Were they sour? Even with honey or sugar?” Cullen questioned before biting into his pie.

“He liked to drink it with only a little sugar and his face would pucker up. I usually watered mine down and added extra sugar. Made it last longer and not as sour.” 

Cullen chuckled and leaned back in his chair. “When I was younger my brother stole a few from a merchant in town. Of course he had me hold them so if he got caught I would be dragged into it with him. But he took them to the lake and dared me to eat one whole.” He chuckled again and looked out the window wistfully. “I must have had a permanent pucker for a week.”

I was definitely getting him some lemons. Nostalgia was a nice feeling. “Have you ever eaten a crayfish?”

He blinked and frowned at me. “I’ve never heard of that kind of fish.”

“It’s… huh, really hard to describe. It has a hard shell and claws for pinching and a lot of little legs and it’s shelled tail can curl up…”

He frowned thoughtfully. “Prawn?”

“Probably, yeah. Anyway, first time I ate one, no-one told me you were supposed to crack them open, so I bit into it, shell and all. And I was trying to be polite but I thought it was the nastiest thing ever, but I ate the whole thing.” I grimaced at the memory and snagged a slice of dried apple. “Or almost. I was down to the claws when my mom finally burst out laughing and showed me how I was supposed to eat it.” 

Cullen burst into laughter and choked slightly on his pie before washing it down with a sip of water. “Tell me you didn’t eat the head?”

I made a mournful face. “It was the first part I ate because I wanted it to stop looking at me.” 

Cullen gave up all attempts of finishing his pie and began laughing so hard he started wheezing. I tried to put a mock offended expression on but ended up bursting into giggles at both the memory and how utterly amused he was at the story. Eventually he caught his breath, though he still let out short, gasping laughs every few seconds. “Maker’s breath, Fen… why didn’t- why didn’t you just hide it in your napkin?”

I opened my mouth and then made a ‘huh’ noise. “It… never occurred to me.” I slumped into the chair and took another bite of pie. “I ate crayfish eyeballs and I didn’t have to… I am terrible at strategy.” 

He shook his head and took a sip of his water again. “Somehow, I doubt that.” 

“Well… I’m terrible at chess, less terrible at poker.” I shrugged. 

He glanced down at the side of his desk where the drawers were, and I would bet that was where he kept his chess set. “You probably are not too terrible.”

“Oh no, I am. Wanna play me and get proof?” 

That led to a chess game, that he somehow won in three moves. The second lasted three more moves. Four games later he was trying very, very hard not to laugh at me as I glared at the board. “Fen, you can't move the pawn, it puts your king in check.”

“You know what? Screw this.” I shoved the tray and board aside, rummaged around his papers and pulled out a map of Ferelden. I slapped it down and picked up my pieces and began arranging them over the marked cities. I stuck my king in Denerim and added a few higher ranked pieces around it for protection. “Pick a season, and then attack me.” I shoved his pieces towards him. 

He blinked, then shrugged and arranged his pieces like what I assumed an invading army might look like. “Uh, autumn?”

“Excellent. You move first.” I rubbed my hands together. This, this I knew how to do.

He frowned at the map and then hesitantly moved his pieces towards the nearest city about what I assumed would be a day’s march distance. I marked the space in my mind, and then twirled the piece in the city. “I have my people begin burning all of the crops and houses.” 

“What? Why would you do that? They’ll starve!” He gave me a look that I thought meant he was thinking this was going to go the same way the chess games had.

I raised my eyebrows at him and he sighed and moved his pieces closer for his turn. I moved my pieces away from his, taking every other turn to have my people stop and burn crops and houses. Once he was a decent way in, I left a few pawns in the areas marked ‘wilds’ and then had them start attacking the back of the army in quick feints to slow them down, all while my main pieces burned and retreated.

He was realizing my plan and he glanced up at me with a faintly horrified expression when after several moves I announced. “It’s the first snow of the season. The paths through the mountains to your supply routes have been buried.” 

He frowned and then moved his pieces so they surrounded one of the major cities that still had one of my pieces in it. “I lay siege to your city.”

“We’ll both starve.” I pointed out.

“What else am I to do, retreat?” 

“You can’t.” I gestured to the map. The mountains are impassible this time of year, my people have burned all of the food between you and the north and are attacking at night, and to the south lay the wilds and more of my people retreating and burning everything edible they can’t carry with them. But here:” I twirled the piece in the city he had surrounded. “Your scouts report that they cannot see a single sign of soldier activity in my city. The only sign of combatants is that arrows will find a handful of your men that wander too close to the walls, but there is no pitched defense.”

“What are you doing?” He leaned forward and frowned at the map as if trying to parse out my reasoning. 

“It’s your turn.” I kept my hands on the piece, a rook. One that moved in straight lines on a board, but here was my city guard. I had lost my templar piece when they hadn’t moved fast enough after destroying the nearby farms.

He glanced over the map again before shaking his head. “I have to take the city and hope to get supplies. I attack the walls.” 

I nodded, and then twirled my piece again. “A messenger leaves the city and approaches you, saying that if you give them time to move all of the women and children out of the city, they will let you in.” 

“This is a trap.” He narrowed his eyes at me.

“Yes.” I said simply. 

“That I must spring. Maker’s breath…” He whispered and his eyes flicked over the map again before he decided. “Very well. The women and children can leave unaccosted in return for your surrender.”

I twirled the piece again. “You see lines and lines of people leaving the city with packs on their backs.” I paused to see if he would stop them, but he made no move against them. “Once they are beyond arrow shot, the gates swing open. You see what appears to be the city leader waiting inside. Alone.”

“Do I have templars?” He glanced over his pieces before tapping the bishop. “I bring my templars with me in case it is a magical attack, and I enter the city.”

I nodded. “As soon as you cross the gates, a lyrium charge made from the doses for my lost templars detonates, destroying the walls, nearby towers, and you and your templars.” I toppled my piece along with his king and ‘templar’ piece. “The city is yours.” 

He leaned back in his seat and covered his mouth with his hand and was quiet for a moment before looking at me. “You allowed me to destroy myself. Starve my men, and get your people out while mine are left leaderless and starving.” 

I gave him a conceding head tilt. “In real life you would also have had to deal with desertion and me sliding spies into your ranks. There might have been outbreaks of food poisoning, maybe tainted water. Missing lyrium doses… Little things that add up all while marching cold and hungry through barren enemy territory with hidden archers sniping from the trees.” 

Cullen shook his head in bewilderment then frowned again. “Where did you learn this game?”

“Uh… it’s a very, very simplified version of a popular game from my homeland. We normally have dice to decide how lucky you were or how effective your attack was, if a storm hit, so on. It was one of my favorite games. My family used to play it together a lot.” 

Cullen looked back at the map thoughtfully and I could see the wheels turning in his mind. “Could you… write down the rules and description of the game?”

“I can do my best. It’ll take me a while.” I warned. “It’s a fairly in depth game to pull from memory.” 

Cullen nodded but his eyes were still glued to the map in thought. “Something like this would greatly improve the strategy training of our men… critical thinking under pressure for the best outcome.”

I fidgeted, suddenly uncertain of how wise it was to share Dungeons and Dragons lite to an actual military leader. “Could you not… share the tactic I used? It’s… Scorched Earth is brutal to put in action.” 

He looked up at me as if breaking from his train of thought and straightened, “I… suppose not.” He frowned again and looked back at the map, “But I will privately explore the strategy if you do not object?”

I huffed in concession. “I don’t. You already had the beginnings of the idea from Haven.” I tapped my fallen piece. “At least make them work for it.” 

His face immediately fell and he looked out the window before clearing his throat. “That… was not the finest moment of my career.”

“It was brilliant in the circumstances, Cullen.” I tapped my fallen piece again. “That wasn’t this person’s finest moment either. But the civilians were saved.” 

He looked down at his hands and sighed before standing. “The Pa- your people are likely missing you.” 

That was definitely a request for space. I stood up and wrapped my cloak around myself tightly. “Probably. Thank you for playing with me. I enjoyed myself. We should definitely do this again.” 

He smiled and started walking with me to the door. “I would like that… however no chess.” he then huffed. “Maker, how can you do a strategy like that and be so inept at chess?”

“I’m terrible at following rules.” I snorted. 

“So I’ve seen.” He laughed and opened the door for me. The sun was beginning to rise and turn the sky gray, and Sa’nehn was leaning against the wall next to the door. 

I crossed my arms and frowned at him. “You should be sleeping.” 

“I was.”

“Gerald is afraid you would stab him.”

“Is he?” He blinked at me innocently.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “I taught you too well.”

He abruptly grinned. “Probably.” He nodded to Cullen and then looked back to me. “Saam was wondering if you wanted to garden with her today since Ser Wolf was not here. Amund said he would walk with you in the Valley should you wish it.”

“That sounds awesome, actually, both plans. I can run a bit too.” Now that I wasn’t using as much magic to keep warm, maybe I’d be better able to exercise my wolf shape. 

“Who is Ser Wolf?” Cullen asked, then winced as if unsure he was allowed to ask. 

“Solas, as he attends our Lady Wolf.” Sa’nehn said with a slight smirk. I wondered when that joke would get old. 

There were a few coughs and I looked past Sa’nehn to see a practical line of runners, papers in hand… waiting to see Cullen. Right. Cullen’s hand tightened slightly on my arm, I hadn’t even realized he had grabbed it, before he sighed and gave me an apologetic look that reeked of guilt.

“I’ll allow you to get back to work.” I patted his hand on my arm and he abruptly let me go. “Thank you for the chess games.” 

“Oh. Yes.” There was a slight blush on his cheekbones and I despaired for him. 

“I’ll see you around.” I gave him a bright smile and linked arms with Sa’nehn and walked along the line of runners at a casual pace. Sa’nehn’s hand stayed quietly threateningly on his dagger, no doubt to head off the comments I could see being bitten back. 

We walked a little ways before he relaxed and started leading me toward the garden. “So… why are you opposed to sleeping and letting someone else take a shift?”

He frowned and shook his head. “I am not opposed to sleeping. I simply slept enough, now I am here.” He gave me an amused glance. “I am capable of taking my own advice and caring for myself.” 

I laughed, that was pointed. We entered the garden to take the ramp down, and I paused a t another faint feeling of importance. I glanced around and found Rage sitting in front of the door to the little shrine the Chantry was confined to. I walked over and Rage ruffled at me.  _ He is angry at himself, but he prays and the anger eases. _

Who? I received my answer before I voiced my question by the door opening and Roderick exiting the shrine. He startled at the sight of me. “Oh, Castellan.”

“Are you alright?” He looked… odd. Tired but happy in a drained sort of way.

He blinked and then frowned. “Yes. No, I… It’s a matter of faith, Castellan. I do not think you…” He trailed off and then frowned again. 

“I don’t think you’re a bad man.” I offered. In the game Cole had said he was sorry before he died. 

He startled. “Oh.”

“Angry, scared, confused, but… not a bad man.” 

“Thank you.” He said, surprisingly softly. “I am trying… to do better. Be more worthy of the- of...” He paused again and frowned and abruptly changed tracks. “You are not a believer. Why do you follow the Herald of Andraste?”

“He’s not my Heral d, but my friend, a nd I believe he can protect us from what’s coming.” 

His eyes fixed onto some distance over my head. “I prayed over you, while the Herald was lost in the snow. I knew the two of you were close, and you had worked so hard to save who you could, the last down the path. They told me that you had completely drained yourself in order to give one last act of magic to him. I… thought he was lost, that we were lost, but you had tried so hard and I-” He exhaled sharply. “And then he was found, kept alive by your magic and… I could not help but think that the true sign of the Maker’s hand was that a non believer would put so much effort into keeping the Herald alive even as his followers fought him at every turn. I was put in place to show the path to the people, and-” He cut himself off again. “Forgive me. I know this is not something you care to hear.” 

“Does talking about it make you feel better?”

He nodded uncertainly.

“Then listening is the least I can do.” 

He studied me for a long moment before looking away. “You… take people in, those in need.”

“I do. Those searching for what we can offer, I take in, and those that aren’t, I help how I can.” 

”Then… Some of those that come to be prayed over, they need… May I send some of them to you?” 

“Of course. I’ll do what I can.” This was… a little surreal. 

“Thank you.” He nodded awkwardly and then took his leave. I stared after him for a minute before exhaling in confusion.

“I… don’t know what’s happening there.”

_ He has made you a symbol to his faith as you helped where he did not despite you not even believing Kost is Chosen. _

I looked down as Wisdom booped Rage’s beak with her paw and then started winding around my ankles. “Well that's… unpleasant to think about.” 

“Let’s get you to the Den, Tarlan’Fen.” Sa’nehn said as he snatched Wisdom up and rubbed her ears. 

We went down the ramp and the first thing I noticed was Timothy and Andrew sitting with the pups in front of the sign. There were stacks of paper scattered around them and the pups were all studiously copying down the Vir’Fenes. I wandered over curiously. “Watcha doin’, fenlinen?”

“We’re practicing our elvhen letters.” Jim said around his tongue clutched between his teeth in concentration. 

“And then we add the common translation.” Haleir added. “So we learn.”

“Then we’re going to go scatter them around Skyhold so people can learn.” Anise announced. 

“And so we’re not wasting paper.” Ellas added. 

I dropped a kiss onto all of their heads. “I’m proud of you all. That is an excellent idea.” 

Some of the pack was eating from the big pot of porridge sitting over a warming glyph and I snagged a small bowl to make them happy, and snacked on it as I went through to say hi and catch up with the various members. After a minute I heard Rasa’s upset voice. “Mack? Mack! Up!”

I looked over to see her beating on Solas’ door, a little light clutched in her other hand. Lahnehn was trying to coax her away. “He’s not here right now, da’len. He had to go away for a bit.” 

Abruptly Rasa’s face screwed up and she started to cry. “Mack!” 

That was both ‘aww’ in a cute way and ‘aww’ in a sad way. I crouched down in front of her and conjured my own light. “Magic?” 

She started to reach for the light and then scowled and pulled her hand back. “No! Mack!” She pointed at Solas’ door. 

I checked the door for wards, and since there weren’t any, I opened it. “Solas isn’t here, fenlin.” 

She stumbled into the room and looked around, even pulling the blanket off of the bed before slumping. “No mack.” 

Seeing that Solas wasn’t there was apparently good enough for her to allow Lahnehn to pick her up and carry her off to where Sa’nehn was playing with Wisdom with a bit of string. I was sooooo going to tease Solas about collecting a child when he got back. 

I went and found Saam and found her with Miadhal, Tamaris, Margaret, Lisa, Mae, and Fenvir, planning on what we were doing today. Apparently we were working in the valley today, to turn some earth with Loyalty’s help to plant some staples. I very quickly found that I was far, far too skinny to actually be much help. So with a quick check on my magic, I shifted into a wolf, drawing a shout of shock from the new wolves. Saam, for her part, just ruffled my ears with a laugh. 

Tamaris worked with Loyalty to plow up the ground (where did we get a plow? I very much doubted Maeva managed to steal it by herself) and I found it was easier to dig the rows up in the wolf form after the others had pulled the grass from the broken earth. It was still very strenuous work, but manageable, though I had a very frustrating time trying to figure out how to drink the water Fenvir provided. Apparently drinking with a muzzle was not instinctive… I bit my tongue several times before I figured it out. 

The sun was high up in the sky when Amund sauntered by and bopped me on the head before setting down a large basket that smelled of food beside me. “Change back ere you tire yourself again.” 

I obliged, stretching out some sore chest and stomach muscles and grimaced. He huffed and disappeared into the trees, leaving me under Fenvir and Miadhal’s watchful but bewildered stares. They didn’t ask anything, so I went ahead and launched into a conversation with Saam, Mae, and Lisa about growing fruit trees with magic as we ate the lunch Amund had brought. As we talked about how long it might take to grow a tree with creation magic and the spells needed for keeping the area around it in season, I had a very, very interesting idea forming about bringing in some non Inquisition sourced funds for the Pack. 

If we could get some of the ‘exotic’ fruit trees and grow them in the middle of the frostbacks… we would practically have a monopoly on the fruit export… I tentatively pitched it to them, and Saam’s eyes lit up.

“I would like that very much!” 

Margaret suddenly let out a stream of Qunlat, the first she had spoken since I came out, gesturing animatedly around the valley. Saam listened intently, her smile growing wider by the syllable before she crouched down and smoothed a patch of dirt and began writing a list of fruits with her fingers. 

They wouldn’t let me help anymore, so I ended up just brainstorming with them, trying to figure out how many mages we would need per tree, the time needed to produce, all the little details that had to be thought of for this kind of venture. 

Tamaris was chewing on a piece of dried apple as he looked over the valley. “How many mages do we have?”

I did a finger count. “Six, not including Andrew, Solas, or the children.”

“We need more.” He made a face. “Never thought I’d say that.”

“The Pack is still young.” I pointed out. “We’ll probably get more.” 

Lisa hummed. “We should start small… a pair of each type, something we can handle with the mages we have. Then, as the pack grows, we can do that process you spoke of.”

“Rooting.” Mae said. “We would need a willow tree as well for the solution.” 

“As well as making painkillers and weaving.” I looked over the ancient trees ringing the valley. “We need to explore the trees and see what types we have. If we have oak trees I know how to make acorn flour that can be used instead of cornmeal. If we have nut trees, we can gather and sell them or eat them… Nuts are good for growing children. There might be berry bushes… We need to find someone who can identify plants and have them explore and mark the useful trees and shrubs.”

Fenvir hesitated, glancing around warily before speaking, “I… have some experience with gathering from the wild forests. If you would entrust such a task to me… I would be willing...”

“Oh! Thank you!” I beamed at him, happy he had volunteered for such a massive undertaking. “That would be a huge help!”

He blinked, looking startled, but stood from where he had been working next to Mae. “I will start immediately, the valley is large, it will take time to completely explore.”

“Would you be willing to let any of the pack who wants to follow you and learn? You don’t have to, that’s alright too.” I was a little surprised at how eager he was, but he seemed the quiet sort and maybe he liked the quiet. 

He looked startled again, his eyes wide, but then nodded. “Of course, Tarlan’Fen. I… will ask at the evening meal who would want to?” 

_ He is surprised at the trust you show in his loyalty. _ Loyalty said with an amused tone.  _ And eager to prove himself. _

Ah. I hefted myself to my feet and moved to stand on tiptoe to give Fenvir a head bump, which he ducked slightly to accept. “Ma serannas, fen’falon.”

He swallowed and hesitated before moving towards the woods. I bounced on my toes a few times before realizing: the only other elf I had to go on full tiptoe for was Solas… The only ancient elf I knew of. “Son of a bitch.” 


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for mentions of domestic abuse and danger to children near the end of the chapter

It was three days before I managed to find Solas in the fade. I ran to him the moment I felt him, jumping into his arms happily. He caught me easily, turning and dropping us onto the mattress of my fade cabin before fucking me with the suddenness of a man desperate. I held him tightly after, sorting through the tangle of emotions he was radiating as well as enjoying the dream of having him close again. 

He was guilty, relieved, hopeful, determined, dreading, and… miserable. I ran a hand from the top of his head down to the small of his back and he let out a ragged sigh into the crook of my neck.

“How is your trip going?” I slid my hand back up his spine in a slow petting gesture.

“Long.” He said shortly. “It… is not pleasant, but there were things I had to attend to. I am returning, but it is taking longer than I had hoped.”

“I’m sorry.” I kept up the petting motion.

“Do not pity me, ma’lath. This is what I deserve, what I must to do make a wrong right.” He said quietly.

“I will always feel bad if someone is suffering, vhenan, especially you.”

His hold on me tightened. “Let us talk of other things. How… how have you been?”

“Well. Busy. The Pack struck up a deal with the Inquisition. The Inquisition is providing us with a pair of exotic fruit trees of five different types and in return they will receive twenty five percent of the produce for five years after they begin producing. Margaret and Saam are over the moon happy. All of the pack mages are going to pitch in and learn a bit of creation magic to speed the sapling growth when they arrive. We’re going to sell what we don’t eat so we’re not reliant on the Inquisition for money.”

“Prim asked to be cured the other day and Wisdom helped her out. She has spent most of the time since running in the valley with Loyalty, but is also interested in becoming Dagna’s assistant.” I felt a wave of relief from him at the news. “Fenvir has been cataloging the trees in the Valley and found a grove of hazelnut trees as well as a bunch of white oaks and willows.” I paused, then asked. “Speaking of, I think Fenvir is an ancient elf.”

Solas felt wryly amused. “Ah.”

“Another one of yours?” I made sure he could freely feel my amusement at the question.

“No, though there is another of mine among your wolves. They are of the agents I allow a certain amount of… freedom of judgement on what they do. They do not even know my identity. I maintained a distance with those in order to lessen my chance of discovery if they were found.” There was another flare of wry amusement. “They left me a report of myself as a potential agent to recruit. But I have been distracted from your question. Fenvir is not one of my agents, but yes, he is an ancient elf. I do not know why he is here.” 

And he joined my pack and seemed honestly eager to please. Loyalty thought well of him, as did Wisdom and Rage and Cole. “Huh. Well, he seems pretty happy right now. He’s teaching Andrew and Ellas how to identify trees and other wild flora. Timothy got his pair of sheep and Miadhal is teaching him how to care for them and shear them. We should have our own source of wool soon, which means I get to knit more pretty things for you.”

I could feel a slight, wondering flare of surprise at that. He moved up to prop himself up over me on his elbow and look at me with soft fondness. “You have had a busy few days.”

“Amund and Sa’nehn are making sure that I stay rested and fed. I actually have a little bit of squish on my ribs now!” I was feeling proud of that squish. 

He splayed his hand over my ribs and smiled. “I am glad to hear it.” 

“I’m also getting better at my wolf form. I use it to garden.”

He blinked and then laughed. “A gardening wolf. Of course.” He dropped a series of kisses to my forehead, cheek, and then my mouth before pulling back and smiling. “Have you taken the Commander as a lover yet?”

I gaped at him. “I wouldn’t do that!”

Solas startled. “But you-?”

“We haven’t talked about any of that! We have to discuss boundaries, what we’re comfortable with, what would bother us, you don’t just- You don’t take another lover without making sure it won’t hurt the first!” 

He exhaled a curl of amusement. “Ah. Consent. I had thought I had been clear enough.” 

“Clear enough for me to guess but not enough to act, and I also wouldn’t do that without making sure the two of you had a chance to speak first in order to make sure everyone was on the same page and no one was being tricked into something, knowingly or unknowingly.” 

His mouth worked in suppressed amusement. “Ah… I fear he will burst into flames if we talk of such a thing to him.” He tried to contain his amusement at the thought as he asked. “What are your boundaries, then? If we are to discuss them.” 

I shrugged under him. “Communication. I don’t mind you taking other lovers or anything as long as I know of them and I know they know of me. That’s... Basically it as far as that goes. I don’t want anyone being the ‘other person’, but I’m not the jealous type.” 

“Openness and honesty. Admirable boundaries.” He seemed to consider it for a moment. “I would say the same for myself, though I am not… attracted to humans and would rather not share a bed with one. I would prefer you keep any human lovers out of our bed.” 

I narrowed my eyes at him and he cut me off. 

“It is… when I last walked physically, humans were still… evolving. The impression remains.” He seemed to mull over his words before adding. “It is as the marks, they have changed, I am learning that, mostly due to your… insistence, but the reflex lingers.” 

Well… he was trying. “Alright.” I poked his side playfully. “Well there goes my thought of a Fen sandwich.” 

He made a slightly strangled sound in the back of his throat. “I… will keep that in mind.” 

“I used to be human.” I blurted before I could think better of it.

He stilled and the flow and ebb of emotions from him cut off suddenly before I could feel him deliberately let them out again. Shock, a slight bit of disgust followed by embarrassment, then curiosity. The hand he wasn’t using to hold himself above me moved to gently stroke the line of my ear, the bridge of my nose, a line under my eye and then down to my chest. 

“I cannot imagine it.” He said quietly.

I focused and tried to imagine myself as the last I remembered before waking up. It must have worked because there was a flinch from Solas as if he was about to jump off of me, and then he forced himself to remain still. His eyes flicked over me in astonishment. “There is… no likeness at all.” His hand moved hesitantly and picked up a short strand of my hair. “There is… you were an elder.”

“Not quite. I was just past what was considered ‘middle age’.” I let the image go and he relaxed slightly, though his eyes still roamed my face curiously.

“When I first found you in the fade, you had no face.” He said eventually. “It was as if speaking to a spirit, the basic form of an elf, but no features.” He paused and then added. “Until you looked in the mirror in my room. Then your features appeared, overlaid with-” He grimaced. 

“I didn’t know what I looked like.” 

“How strange.” He murmured. “Do you know how such a thing occurred?”

“Not a single clue.” I shrugged. 

“It should not be possible. It is… very strange.”

“And therefore as a stranger give it welcome! There are more things in heaven and earth, Fen’Harel, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” I shrugged beneath him, and wiggled up an arm to place on his cheek as I spouted more Shakespeare. “Rest, rest, perturbèd spirit!”

He tensed again, his eyes sharpening and fixing on me in curious shock and I smiled gently. 

“So, gentleman, with all my love I do commend me to you, and what so poor a man as I am may do, to express his love and friending to you, gods willing, shall not lack. Let us go in together, and still your fingers on your lips, I pray. The time is out of joint. O cursèd spite, that ever we were born to set it right! Nay, come, let’s go together.”

The moment seemed to stretch out, my hand on his cheek, his breath held and his eyes fixed on me, before he moved with a shuddering exhale and kissed me, sharp and pleading both, his hands pulling me to him, moving us so I was on top of him, held tightly as he kissed me, again and again. 

I pulled away slightly and he started to follow, a tint of need flaring, but I put my hand on his cheek again. There were tears on his lashes. 

“Solas. You’re not alone.” 

He let out a shuddering, near whimper and swallowed heavily. I brushed the tear that fell from his cheek. 

“I may not be able to help with whatever is coming, but I’m here, vhenan. You’re not alone. I will be here whenever you come back to me.” 

He turned his head and pressed a kiss to the center of my palm, his arms around me tightly. “I must wake. A few more days.”

“Swift travels, vhenan.”

And then he was gone, leaving an aura of longing behind him. I woke shortly after and wiggled out of the pile of limbs of the Pack Pile to go start breakfast for everyone. I was halfway through a massive batch of french toast when I realized… I had Solas’ approval to begin dating Cullen, and I… was thinking about it. I sat back on my heels with a ‘huh’. 

“Something on your mind, Tarlan’Fen?” Mae yawned as she squatted down next to me and looked over my assembly line before helping cook. 

“I… think I am going to invite the Commander to the garden to knit with me today. Perhaps for lunch?” I wasn’t going to broach the subject without Solas there, but I could at least enjoy some non-romantic time with him before I broke his brain.

“I’m sure.” She yawned again. “I’ll go up with a message for you after breakfast.”

“Oh, you don’t have to go out of your way for-”

“Lady Wolf.” She interrupted me. “I know I don’t have to. I am anyway.”

I exhaled a laugh. “Alright. Thank you.” 

Fenvir manifested a moment later with a basket of berries he must have gathered from the valley and he offered it to me cautiously, then seemed pleased when I made excited noises because berries and french toast was the perfect mix! The pack stumbled awake in starts and stops, all of them coming to the table in order to take a stack of toast and bump heads with any they passed. It made my heart happy to see my people contentedly chatting over breakfast together. The children ate three helpings each and I was satisfied to see that they were getting the round faced softness of healthy, well fed children. 

Haleir went up with me and Sa’nehn to make my rounds to make sure the castle was running smoothly. The repairs were coming along nicely, the gardens were thriving, and the servants had a certain spring to their step that indicated better management. Or at least less fear of corporal punishment for dropping a plate. 

Skinner scared the daylights out of me, appearing as I was headed to the kitchens through the back way to steal a lunch for Cullen and I. She grinned and leaned against the wall as I pressed a hand over my heart and tried to calm my pulse after she had  _ dropped from the ceiling _ . 

“Hey Fen, haven't seen you lately for dagger training. You still want to learn or do you have another teacher?”

“I’ve been under the weather, apparently I was doing too much, but yes, I still want to learn.” I paused and then frowned. “I thought the Chargers went to Emprise Du Leon with Bull.”

Skinner wrinkled her nose irritably. “Chief wanted someone to keep an eye on you, so here I am instead of getting to knife some shems.” 

“Oh. Well, I appreciate the thought, or at least the honesty about nosiness.” 

She barked a sharp laugh. “It’s sentiment. He doesn’t want you unguarded.” 

Sa’nehn made an offended noise in his throat and Skinner gave him a dry glance. 

“Beat me in training before you get your smalls in a twist, pup.” 

“I already had plans today, but if you want, I can meet with you tomorrow morning for training?” I stepped in before hackles really raised. 

“It’s a date.” Skinner pushed off the wall and threw what looked like a lazy salute in my direction and headed down the hall. “Duty done, time for ale.”

“You really shouldn’t drink so early in the day.” I called after her, though the warning was half hearted. 

I shook my head at the aggressively caring elf and went on my way. Sa’nehn and I made it out of the kitchen with cold cut sandwiches and sweetened chamomile tea. I pretended not to see Haleir slip a tart into their pocket as we left for the gardens. I set up on one of the little recreation tables set up in the shaded walkways, spreading out the lunch for the four of us and pulling out my knitting (that Sa’nehn had helpfully carried for me) to work on making a tiny little stuffed rabbit about the size of a quail egg, nothing more than a small oval with ears, but kids loved the tiny things. I wanted to make a bunch of them for the kids to play with. 

Speaking of kids, somehow Ellas, Jim, and Anise ended up in the garden, snitching sandwiches and setting up their toys on the ground to play quietly. Haleir was gleefully cupping the first little rabbit I finished in their hands when Cullen edged into the garden. He had his armor on, but his sword was conspicuously absent. Instead he was clutching a tangle of yarn and knitting needles half under his cloak. His face lit up when he saw me, though he was obviously trying to subdue his expression as he headed for me.

I smiled brightly at him. “Cullen! I’m glad you could make it.” 

He returned the smile, though awkwardly. “Mae said you were knitting in the garden, do you- would you mind if I…?” He lifted the needles and yarn awkwardly in question. 

I patted the chair next to me. Of course she hadn’t worded it as an invitation. “Of course. There are sandwiches as well. And tea.” 

A look of relief passed over his face and he nodded, “That sounds… good. Thank you.” 

He slid into the seat I had patted and Sa’nehn smirked slightly and shoved a sandwich towards him. Cullen gave it a wary look but took it with a small ‘thank you’ taking a small bite and then set it down in front of him. He accepted the tea and only took a sip, before setting it also aside. Must be having a bad stomach day. 

I helped him pick up his stitches and then found myself watching him as he fumbled with the needles, his brow furrowed in extreme concentration. Sa’nehn helpfully kicked my ankle so I remembered to eat my own sandwich. The kids had finished their sandwiches and were watching Cullen and I in interest. Suddenly Ellas spoke up and pointed at Cullen’s sandwich. “You should eat, it's not good to waste food. You never know when it’ll run out.” And my heart immediately broke at the thought of a child his age having to worry about eating. 

Cullen looked up from his stitches and a flash of sadness passed over his features before he smiled. “Quite right.” He picked up the sandwich and forced himself to eat another few bites before pushing the other half of it towards Ellas. “If you want to eat it so it doesn’t go to waste, I’m not terribly hungry today.” 

Ellas peered at him suspiciously. “You’re not just saying that because I’m little, are you?” 

“No. I really am not hungry.” Cullen gestured towards it. “You can have it.”

Ellas gave him another suspicious look, then grabbed the sandwich and darted back out of arm's reach before smiling, “Thank you!” Cullen gave a small chuckle before looking back down at his stitches.

We knitted in companionable silence and Sa’nehn eventually moved to go play with the kids. I finished another rabbit and handed it off to Anise before casting on another, only for Lahnehn to sweep by with an exasperated. “There you are.” She dropped Rasa into my lap, kissed her daughter’s head, bumped mine with her own, and then swept off again.

Rasa looked up at me and then held her hand out. “Mack?”

“He’s not here right now, pup. Would you like a light?” 

She frowned but nodded and I conjured a little light for her to grab and start playing with. I smiled and looked back up to find Cullen’s eyes on Rasa and the sphere of light she was passing from hand to hand. His eyes were wide and his hands tightened on the yarn. 

“Oh. I’m sorry… I should have warned you. It’s just a mage light, it can’t hurt anyone.”

His eyes closed and his jaw clenched for a moment before he seemed to force his hands to unclench and when he opened his eyes there wasn’t fear like I expected but… concern. “I… it is fine. I only…” he looked back down at Rasa who smiled at him and held out the sphere to him.

He hesitated before holding his hand out, and she tried to pass it to him but, of course, he couldn’t take it. She frowned, looking disappointed. “No mack?” 

“No, love. He doesn’t have magic.”

Rasa made a small determined face and frowned at the sphere in her hand. “Wanna share.”

Cullen swallowed and looked up at me, his eyes worried. “She… she is very young. I’ve never seen…” he closed his eyes and looked pained. “Is she safe?”

“She hasn’t manifested yet. A manifested mage has to start the spell and give it to her for her to control. It’s an old training tool to help her learn to control her magic before it manifests, so it’s not as… distressing. No accidents.” I gave him a reassuring smile. “She is safe.” 

“Share!” Rasa held her hand out to him again with a pout.

“Love, he can’t.” 

She frowned and patted the table with the light. “Mack stuck.” 

“Why don’t you give Jim the magic?” I started to set her on the ground and she brightened, the light in her hand flaring pink.

“Bim! Mack!” She did the adorable stumbling run of a toddler over to him and he caught her easily and took the light, then tossed it back to her, drawing a giggle from her.

Cullen watched them for a moment with a slightly wistful expression before looking at me. “And… her dreams?” 

Oh, of course. He’d be worried about her being bothered by demons. “She hasn’t manifested yet, so she isn’t noticeable across the veil. When she gets older we will start teaching her how to dream safely and help with wards if we need to.” I hesitated before adding. “And in the absolute worst case scenario… I know how to unpossess someone.” 

He inhaled sharply, then held it, holding absolutely still and staring at me with wide eyes before exhaling on a shudder. “Of course you do.” He tried to smile. “Forgive me, I am…” he could not seem to find the words.

“Safe.” I said softly, then shrugged on a wry wince. “You’re fine. I tend to just attract drama like ants to honey.” 

His cheeks colored and it spread to his ears and neck. But he laughed, a strangled sort of laugh but a laugh. “Ah… yes. How could I forget?” He was joking and that was a good sign. 

We fell back into the companionable knitting silence and the kids played with Sa’nehn, Rasa occasionally stumbling back to ask for more lights when the ones they had petered out. I had about five rabbits made when a movement of color attracted my attention and I looked up to see an Orlesian noble woman, accompanied by a small girl about maybe ten and an elf serving woman, approaching me. The woman had a mask on and a scrap of paper clutched tightly enough to crumple it. The elf was carrying a pair of bags and wearing a simpler but matching mask as the woman.

“Are you the one they call the Lady Wolf?” The noble said nervously. 

Oh boy. “I am.” I set aside my knitting and turned in my seat to face her fully.

She held out the scrap of paper and I saw one of the kid’s shaky elvhen writing. “The Way of the Wolf… you… I need help.” 

“What is it?” 

Cullen frowned and set aside his needles and yarn. “Madame, if you need-“

“My… Lissette- she is a mage. She set the bed on fire last night.” The woman’s voice cracked as she cut Cullen off in a rush and she rested the hand with the paper on her slightly rounded stomach. “If my husband finds out… he’ll make me take a potion to rid me of the babe and he’ll set me aside for bearing a mage.” 

I opened my mouth to ask how I could help but she rushed ahead in a desperate tone.

“And there are no circles to send her to, so I do not know what he will do to- I know you can make your people disappear. If… if you would just hide us until I can… figure something out. I can pay you, I have some-”

“Hush, love.” I stood up and extended my hands. “You don’t have to pay me. There is just one thing, most of my people are elves. Is that going to be a problem?” 

Her hand twitched slightly towards the silent elf beside her before she clenched her hand against her skirts. “No, my lady. I will not- If…” She was starting to cry. “I will not be a problem. My children…” 

“Alright. Do you have anything you need to get? Anyone you want me to contact for you?”

She shook her head. “I took our things and sent a letter to my cousin directly before searching for you.” 

“That’s good. Sa’nehn?” I looked over to find Sa’nehn had already sent the kids down into the Den and was hovering suspiciously. “Will you take them down to the Den? I’ll be right down.” 

“Thank you, Lady Wolf.” She exhaled on a sob before murmuring something in presumably Orlesian to the child with her. 

Sa’nehn extended his hand. “You will have to hold my hand to pass through the wards.”

She nodded and hesitantly took his hand and after a moment of coaxing, the child took his other hand, the maid took the child’s hand, and he led them through the wards to the garden entrance to the Den. 

I ran a hand over my face and then grabbed my knitting. “Cullen, you don’t know who she is.”

“She is-”

“Cullen.” I interrupted him. “You  _ don’t _ know who she is. Please.”

Cullen frowned, then nodded. “So you can deny knowing her without lying.” He ran a hand over his face. “Maker’s tears, Josephine will kill me.”

I slumped slightly in relief at him understanding. “I’ll protect you from her wrath. I need…” I turned and found Cole standing there.

“Hurting, hiding, hushed, paint over the painted skin to hide the hurt. She loves her family. He was a good match, enough to save her father from debt.”

“Cole, can you give Leliana a message for me?”

“You  _ absolutely _ do  _ not _ know who  _ she  _ is.” He pulled the exact emphasis I wanted from my mind and then poofed away. 

I looked up at Cullen. “I’m sorry. I wanted to just have a nice lunch with you…” 

“No!” He blurted out then colored. “I mean… I did… you- this did not change the… I enjoyed it.”

I smiled fondly at him. “I enjoyed it too, dharlin. We should do it again, spending time with you is nice. I need to go make sure she is safe and settled. I’ll… see you later?” 

He nodded and smiled awkwardly and huffed. “That still sounds too much like Darling.” 

“Siu’dharlin?”  _ Sweet puppy _ . I suggested with excessive innocence. “Hmm… no, that’s too long. I could just call you ‘puppy’ in common I guess…” 

“Please don’t.” Cullen laughed, and rubbed the back of his neck. “I get far too many mabari jokes as it is with my cloak.”

“It does look very pettable.” I nodded, then took a step towards the Den. “I do really have to go take care of things, but I’ll make sure we have time again.” 

Cullen nodded and smiled. “Right. I- thank you, I enjoyed it. Until later then?”

“Until later.” I hesitated, then darted back to give him a hug. I ended up bumping my cheek bone on his breastplate, but oh well. His hands hesitantly returned it and I pretended not to see his flushing as I pulled away and dashed to the Den entrance with a wave goodbye. 

The Orlesian woman was sitting on the floor by the table, her daughter tucked close to her side and a cup of tea clenched in her hands. The maid was sitting beside her with a cup of tea in her own hands, her head slightly bowed but I could see her eyes watching things sharply from behind the mask. Fenvir and Sa’nehn were ‘casually’ hovering while Maeva was speaking in a low tone to her. I walked over and settled on the floor nearby. Maeva reached out and gently squeezed the woman’s arm before falling silent.

“No one besides my pack can enter the Den. You are safe in here. If you ever want to leave, just ask one of my people and they can take you out of it.” I looked over her heavily embroidered and laced dress and winced. “We aren’t… um… very fancy down here. There are plenty of rooms, but what you see is what there is down here. There are bathing pools over there, Saam makes sure we have food during the day. Do you have any questions? Need anything?”

She shook her head slightly and I gave her a gentle smile. “You two and your children are safe in here.” I hesitated and then carefully asked. “A friend said you might be hurt? I can heal it if you are.” 

Her knuckles turned white on the cup and she started to shake her head. The elf woman spoke quietly in Orlesian and the noble nodded before she deliberately set her cup down on the table and then slowly removed her mask. Even before she wiped at the makeup, I could see a bit of swelling over her cheekbone. I held up my hand. “May I?” She nodded and I touched her face and sent a cautious healing spell through her face. “There.”

The girl pulled her face from her mother’s dress and said something in rapid Orlesian, then slower in heavily accented common. “I can learn to do as that? To make mama better?” 

Oh, my heart broke for the girl. How often had she seen her mother bruised…? possibly witnessed the abuse? “If you would like.” I took care to enunciate my words as she still seemed to be learning common and what I knew of French I would not say to a child.

She nodded and the noble woman closed her eyes and looked pained. 

“Well. Let’s start with something fun first.” I conjured a light and offered it. “The children who live down here play with these.” 

The girl looked at her mother and then reached out and took the light cautiously, turning it over in her hands before a brilliant smile lit up her face and she said something excitedly in Orlesian to her mother and then the elf woman. Her mother exhaled a shaky laugh and then looked at me. “Thank you, Lady Wolf.”

“Vir’Fenes.” I said. “It is what we do.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh... when should I add the Fen/Cullen tag? (it might take a while to get there heh)


	41. Chapter 41

I felt a definite pull. 

Solas had been gone well over a week and we had only been able to dream together twice in that time, which left me in my little house shaping things in the garden to pass the time. 

Cullen and I met up every other day for lunch and knitting, Skinner was teaching me daggers, I managed Skyhold and helped down in the Valley when I could. The Orlesian noble had been haunting me, appearing and demanding with increasing aggressiveness that I return his wife and heirs, a couple of times with Mother Giselle backing him up. I had been able to evade him with comments of, “I don’t know who your wife is.” or “I don’t know anyone by that name.” Leliana and Josephine were trying to figure out how to deal with the man and I was waiting for the woman’s cousin to respond to her letter. It was… scary, but there was no way I was letting the noble know where she was. 

Not with the bruise and the rigid way the woman would hold herself when any of the men in the Den moved too quickly or spoke too loudly. When Amund and Thom had first come into the Den, she had gone absolutely sickly pale and the elf maid (who I refused to learn her name until I could safely know who she was) had taken her to the room with the child and they hadn’t come out until the next day.

Josephine had very delicately told me about how the noble hounding me was very well connected and influential and it was difficult to handle the matter and was I sure that there was no way the two could reconcile? I listened with a very flat expression before smiling grimly at her. “I’m afraid I have no idea who you are speaking of.” 

I was seriously considering trying to figure out how to slip that poison Leliana had given me into his wine and hang the consequences. I was sure Skinner could help me.

I was tired, and nervous, and I was looking forward to hopefully catching Solas in the fade. Usually he would just walk in as we already established he was welcome so the pull I felt made me wary. It was not insistent or demanding, more like a tap on the shoulder and a point in a general direction. 

Tentatively, I followed the gentle pull and quickly found myself outside of my space, standing in a field, the edges of everything blurred and unfocused, broken up with flashes of other spaces and memories. I turned in a circle curiously and stopped at the sight of a single tree that overlooked the glass like waters of a lake. Everything was indistinct and unfocused, but what really drew my attention was the lone figure sitting beneath its branches.

Cullen had a soft, content smile on his face as he looked out towards the lake; he didn’t seem to see me as I approached curiously, wondering if it was him or a spirit. I hadn’t really run into a non mage in the Fade before so I wasn’t sure how to tell really.

I opened my mouth to say his name and get his attention but the sound of my own voice calling out from the lake made me freeze. 

“Dhar’lin, are you going to swim?” I looked to see a blurry copy of me standing on a pier, removing its shoes. It was the clearest thing in the dream.

The faded image of Cullen chuckled and shook his head. “No love, you go on.” 

Oh, that was… really sweet and I shouldn’t be snooping in his dreams like this, even by accident.

“Papa!” There was a blur as a child the size of Rasa with an undefined face appeared next to him. “I wanna swim too.” 

“Maybe later, sweetling.” Cullen chuckled and pulled the image of the child into his lap, knitting appearing in his hands. “Help me make this for Mama, alright?” 

“Alright.” The Child’s voice turned cheerful and their hands laid on top of his as he knitted. In a few seconds whatever they made seemed to be finished and the child leapt up from his lap. “Let me give it to her!” 

Cullen chuckled again. “Alright, be careful of the water.” He had a soft smile as he watched them run off and he leaned his head back against the trunk of the tree and closed his eyes. He looked absolutely blissfully happy. 

I felt awkward, this was his dream and I was trespassing on something private, though my stomach fluttered at the thought of his dream including me. I turned to leave and then ran directly in a chest… specifically Solas’ chest. 

“Vhenan.” He said with a small amused smile and bent to greet me with a kiss. He pulled away and looked up at where Cullen still sat under the tree, seemingly unaware of us. 

“I shouldn’t be here.” I whispered, feeling very much like an intruder. “I didn’t mean to find his dream, I just felt like I was being called.”

“He is dreaming about you. It was an unconscious call of sorts.” Solas agreed. He glanced over the scene curiously.

“We should leave.” I tucked my arm around his waist. “It feels like spying.” 

“Cullen!” There was a scream in my voice and it jolted me as the scene suddenly changed. The field seemed to wither, the lake surface had turned ink black, the tree turned gnarled and twisted. 

“What’s-?”

“Fen?” Cullen leapt up from where he had been sitting and began running towards the lake, only the lake seemed to move farther and farther away the faster he tried to run. I watched in horror as the branches of the tree shot out and wrapped around his wrists and ankles dragging him down to his knees. 

“No!” His voice was terrified and my heart ached for him. 

“Solas?” I glanced around, trying to sense if there was something causing this, trying to find how to grasp the dream and shift it like I did with Andrew and Prim. I couldn’t find anything, it was hard to tell with how indistinct his dream was, like trying to grab a hold of water with your bare hands. 

“There is no demon to banish” Solas frowned and moved past me to where Cullen was struggling against the branches holding him. “This is his own mind's fears taking hold. Commander.”

Cullen flinched backwards from him and Solas crouched down in front of him. “All is well.  _ Wake _ .” 

Cullen wavered and then shook his head. “Fen- I have to help-”

“She is safe.” Solas gestured for me to come over and I knelt down in front of Cullen and put my hand on his shoulder. 

“I’m safe, dharlin. You can  _ wake up _ .” 

Cullen instantly relaxed and then disappeared, and with him, the scene. The fade shifted back to its raw green foggy state. 

Solas stood and held out a hand to me. “I am impressed he managed to resist. He cares deeply for you.”

“He has a very strong will.” I accepted his hand and let him pull me to my feet so I could hug him. “Thank you for trying to help.” 

Solas wrapped his arms around me and I felt the fade shift and we were back in my space. “Why would I not? Seeing him in distress upset you.” He smiled and kissed me forehead. “Though that was not what I had hoped for when I searched for you.”

“Oh? And what were you hoping for?” I moved us to the mattress in the cabin and conjured some knitting.

Solas let out a deep, relieved sigh and pressed his arm against mine. “Truly? This.” 

I could do this. I hooked my ankle over his legs and started humming and he relaxed and slowly started radiating contentment. We stayed like that until I woke, sharing short snatches of conversation and just enjoying the other’s presence. 

When I woke, I shoved a piece of toast into my mouth and started shrugging into my cloak.

Saam looked at me in concern. “Is something wrong?”

“‘U’e’ a’a...” I paused and pulled the toast from my mouth. “Cullen had a bad dream. I’m just going to check on him.” 

Sa’nehn immediately stood from the table and snatched up his own food and I suppressed an eye roll at him. He really was too sweet. I paused by the noble woman, who was wearing probably the simplest dress she owned but was still miles fancier than anything else in the Den. She was sitting rigidly at the end of the table, her daughter tucked close to her one side and her maid pressed close to the other side. The two were inseparable.

They mostly spent the time helping Lahnehn sew new clothes for the growing kids, and sometimes I would see them relax and smile at each other, whispering in playful tones for short stretches of time.

“Is there anything you need?”

“No. Thank you.” She said perfectly politely.

I nodded and hurried off to the stairs, Sa’nehn in tow. Dorian was sitting at Solas’ desk with his feet on it. I frowned at him and shooed his legs off of the desk. “That’s just rude, darling.” 

“It does seem to be the fastest way to get your attention besides crying for help, little gem.” He smirked as he sat up properly. 

“You are the prettiest and most talented mage in Skyhold.” I said earnestly. I could give validation.

He blinked and actually colored slightly. “How do you say things like that so honestly? There is not a trace of artifice or mockery in it.”

“I believe it.” I shrugged. “And I have a bad habit of blurting out what’s on my mind.”

He blinked again and then smiled uncertainly. “Fascinating. Well… where are you off to in such a hurry?”

“To find Cullen.” 

“Ah.” He gave me a sly look. “How does our missing hobo apostate feel about that?” 

“Supportive and happy for me.” 

His mouth fell open before he laughed and shook his head. “I cannot tease you. It is impossible. You turn everything on its head!”

I moved towards him and kissed his cheek. “I’m always happy to give you attention, love. You just have to ask.”

“Oh. Well. Dinner?”

“Of course.” I started to move away but he caught my wrist and gave me an earnest look.

“Fen, be careful. That noble whose wife and child disappeared under not so mysterious circumstances is not the kind of man to let such a thing go.”

“I’m doing the best I can, love.” 

He sighed and released my wrist. “I suppose that is all one can do. Go on, seduce our dear Commander and be sure to give me the details at supper.” 

“It’s rude to kiss and tell.” I laughed and wiggled my fingers in farewell and went off to make sure Cullen was alright after that nightmare.

I was very, very relieved to find Cullen down in the courtyard so I didn’t have to trudge up all those wall stairs. Despite the early morning bustle of sauntering nobles and milling people near the market stalls, he was easy to spot. “Dharlin.” 

He startled from the paper he had been reading and gave me a small smile. “Oh. Good morning. You’re out early.”

“Wanted to see how you were doing.” I smiled at him. “So, uh… how are you doing?” 

He looked like he was about to say ‘fine’, and then thought better of it and sighed. “A slight headache. Nothing serious.” He handed the paper back to a runner with a short list of instructions, then turned back to me. “Have you taken your breakfast yet?”

“I ate something on the way, but I’ll probably be wanting to eat more.” I said honestly. I was relieved that he didn’t seem overly upset or affected by the dream. He probably didn’t even remember Solas and I waking him up. Or he just thought it was part of the dream because most people didn’t know about Dreamers… oh dear. “I’m still trying to get my squish back.” I patted my hips in illustration.

He glanced down at me, then flushed bright red and forced his eyes back up to my face. “Ah… yes, I, um… you have, but… more would… not hurt?”

Oh dharlin, you are adorable. I couldn’t help but grin fondly up at him. “Well, I’m perfectly willing to gain more and I’m glad you’re alright. I’m going to check on how things are running while I’m up here and then we can meet up for breakfast at the next bell?” 

“Of course.” He returned the smile softly before turning to greet the runner approaching us. 

I started to take my leave and only got a few paces away before an Orlesian noble woman in a riding habit stepped into my path and looked me over. I stopped and looked up at her warily, Sa’nehn moving close to my elbow protectively as a group of people passed close by to head for the merchant’s stalls. Her eyes flicked over the embroidered wolves on my cloak and the wolf charm on my wrist and the wolf pendants on my chest before she spoke. “Are you the one they call the Lady Wolf?”

“I am. Castellan Fenenansal.” I inclined my head politely.

“My cousin wrote and told me to find you.” She said in a low tone. “Is she safe? Her child? I came as soon as I could.”

“Would you mind speaking with me somewhere more private?” I kept my face in a neutrally polite expression, though internally I was desperately hoping she could help. 

“Of course.” 

I caught sight of Cullen’s concerned expression as I started to lead her away and flashed him a reassuring smile, though I was feeling pretty nervous. He frowned and then started towards me just as I felt a rough hand grab my arm and yank me to the side.

“You knife eared bitch! I knew it! Where is she?” He shook me.

“Antoine!” The noble woman gasped and I yelped and tried to wrench my arm out of his painful grip.

Sa’nehn darted forward and put his hand in the center of the noble’s chest and shoved. “Unhand her!” 

Things seemed to freeze for the eternity between heartbeats, and then Cullen was shouting, I was moving on the instinct to protect, the woman was screaming, and then I was gasping around a sharp, horrible pain through my gut. Blood splashed in my face and my knees gave out.

I crumpled to the ground and every breath made the pain flare sharply. There was a sword through my stomach. 

Sa’nehn’s face hovered in front of me, pale and drawn.

There was a sword in me.

It hurt.

I could feel my magic flaring, instinct gathering my aura into a massive healing spell. 

There was a sword in me.

I couldn’t heal with it still through me. I gasped and tried to keep the spell back, fighting the reflex to fix  _ fix fix it fix it _ . “Sa- you have-” The words hurt to force out and I could feel my hold on my magic slipping. “You have to take it out. On three.”

“But-”

“On three!” I shouted and he nodded grimly and put his hands on the sword hilt, the slight movement pulling a pained keen from me. “One… Two… Three!”

He yanked and there was a sickening, horrifying sensation of being sliced and ripped, and then my magic exploded out of my grasp, burning through me in an uncontrolled, primal spell. It hurt. I screamed, the sound faint over the ringing of my magic raging.

And then it was done.

I collapsed, limp and exhausted, drained, and someone caught me. I saw Cullen through my wavering vision and used the last of my energy to force out a weak smile and an apology through the throbbing ache in my throat, my everything. “Sorry, dharlin…” 

He said something in a broken tone and I passed out.

I was aware I was dreaming in a distant, vague sense in that I knew I was unconscious. 

Someone was calling my name, each repetition growing more frantic. There was howling. 

Everything hurt. 

I whimpered, the sound pulled from me as soon as I realized I was awake. My magic reserves were gone, leaving the aching exhaustion I remembered from last time, but worse. My throat hurt. I was thirsty. My stomach hurt. 

“Fen?”

Cullen. He sounded horribly relieved. 

“Fen, lo- can you hear me!?” 

I realized I had closed my eyes and forced them back open and jerked my chin in a nod. “T’d.” my voice wasn’t working right, cracking around the tightness of my missing magic and the thirst.

“Tired. Hurting. Throat dry, empty, cracked and strangling.” Cole. “He is. He was afraid you wouldn’t wake up.”

Cold hands slid under me and started to lift me up to sitting, then a large warm hand settled on the side of my face and lifted a cup to my lips. It was hard not to give in to the impulse to gulp, but I had no idea how long I had been out and I really didn’t want to throw up. I managed to pry my eyes back open to see Cullen focusing on helping me drink. He had circles under his eyes like he hadn’t slept in…

How long had I been out? Were the children alright? What about the noble? The pack-

“They are all well. The day, then night, now it is back to the day. You used too much, didn't want him to see you die. He watched and waited. Not fast enough.” 

“Sa’nehn?” I croaked.

“He is well. You… he is well and in your Den.” Cullen said softly as he pulled the cup away and set it aside. He wasn’t wearing armor. 

Cole laid me back down and I tried to send him a brush of mana in thanks, but tapped empty and instead made my center ache. 

“It’s alright. I know.” Cole said, then hesitantly ran his hand over my hair. “I’ll let the others know.” 

I felt him poof away, leaving me with Cullen. He was sitting on the edge of the bed and staring at me with a haunted expression.

“S’rry.” I limply moved my hand towards him. He had dreamed I was in danger and then I went and got myself stabbed in front of him. He hesitated before taking it, sliding his other hand over the back of it in a petting gesture, all with his eyes on me. I squeezed and tugged weakly. I could feel myself falling asleep again. “Sleep. W’ me.” 

"I…" his voice broke and I tugged at his hand. 

"Sleep. Pl's."

He exhaled on a shudder. "Alright." 

He very, very carefully moved to lay down beside me and gently laid his arm over me, as if he was afraid I'd break. His face pressed against my hair and I heard him murmur something indistinct before I fell asleep again, dreamless and exhausted.

A sudden movement pulled me from my sleep and I reached for Cullen even though I didn't open my eyes. "Dh'lin?"

"Stay. It would upset her to wake and find you gone." Solas whispered. He was back. I felt a rush of relief at his voice. He was back. 

Something soft and wet touched my lips and I reflexively licked them. Sweet. Honey and herbs. Oh. The process repeated a few times, and then I felt the bed shift. I was warm on both sides as I fell back asleep.

When I woke up the next time, I actually felt alert. And warm. And still achy. I could feel an arm under my neck and a smaller arm over my waist and I was apparently being cuddled by both Cullen and Solas, which was… really awesome despite circumstances. They were talking over me, quietly, though Solas’ thumb stroked over my hip to let me know he knew I was awake.

"-she will not blame you, Commander."

“I saw him… I knew something was wrong. The way he was walking, I knew he was armed, knew he had been- I should have… moved faster. I just… we were in Skyhold. This shouldn’t happen here. I assumed it wouldn’t happen here.”

Solas’ hand tightened on my hip slightly and it was a second before he replied, his voice strained. “People like Fen are never truly safe. They gather too many enemies while protecting their people.” 

Did it count as eavesdropping if they were talking over my head? 

Solas solved the question by addressing me. “Isn’t that right, vhenan?” 

Cullen twitched beside me and I blinked my eyes open, then blurted out the first thing on the tip of my tongue. “Sandwich.” My voice was still hoarse, but Solas laughed, the tone of it relieved as well as amused, then laughed again when Cullen, the poor sweet dear, asked if I wanted something to eat. 

He was still laughing when he helped me sit up and propped me against Cullen’s chest while he retrieved a cup from the table (Oh, I was in Cullen’s room) and warmed it with magic.

“St’p laughing. I like sandwiches.” 

“I am sure.” Solas smirked, then glanced over my head, and apparently Cullen looked confused enough that he explained the joke. Sort of. “She enjoys having us on either side of her.”

I felt Cullen’s chest still like he stopped breathing but his heart started pounding against my back. Maybe he did get the joke. 

“If you are awake enough to flirt, may I presume you are awake enough to drink?” Solas was a troll. An absolute troll. I stuck my tongue out at him but took the cup he offered.

The cup’s contents smelled like beef broth and felt like heaven going down. By the time it was empty my stomach had remembered that food was supposed to go in it instead of swords, and I was hungry. Solas spread his hand over my stomach and I felt his magic going through me inquisitively before he let out a slightly relieved breath. “You are completely healed.” His tone went a bit chiding. “You did not need to use all of your magic for it, however.” 

I sighed and leaned firmly back into Cullen and put my hand over Solas’. “I panicked.” 

Solas’ eyes flicked down to my chest, where the wolf pendant was, and his mouth tightened. “I know.” 

Oh. “I’m sorry for worrying you both.” I murmured.

“You have nothing to-“ Cullen started but stopped and sighed. “Forgive me.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for either.” I elbowed him weakly. Over protective, self- Oh. “How is Sa’nehn doing?” 

“He is unharmed. You shoved him out of the sword’s path.” Cullen said softly.

“No, I mean, emotionally.”

Solas let out a tiny sigh. “The pack says he has not spoken a word since you fell asleep.” 

“Shit, I need to talk to him.” I started to move to get up but Solas pushed me back against Cullen’s chest at the same time Cullen grabbed me, but gently.

“No.” Solas said at the exact same time as Cullen murmured pleadingly.

“Not yet, love.” No sooner were the words out of his mouth than he froze and then let me go with a stammer, though he quickly realized that Solas was still pushing me against him and I would topple over if he moved away. I could feel his heart racing against my back and I tilted my head back to try and look at him. He was pale and glancing between me and Solas with a mortified, half terrified expression.

“Hey, it’s alright.” I reached back and placed a hand on his cheek. His face was rough with stubble. “I love you too, dharlin.”

Cullen made a slight whimpering sound in the back of his throat, closing his eyes as if pained before pulling my hand from his face and looking at Solas with an apologetic and pleading expression. “Solas, I-”

“I am not particularly in love with you, Commander.” Solas said dryly as he moved to pour water into a glass. “But yes, it is as she said: alright.” 

Whatever Cullen had expected from Solas it was quite clear that had not been it. ”But- I didn’t- she- you- what?!”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed. Laughed, and then spiralled into a coughing fit because my throat was still feeling strangled. Cullen’s hands hovered on me in worry despite his confusion and Solas patiently waited my coughing fit out before handing me the water and watching me fondly while I drank. His hand moved to my face and I felt him wipe at something near my temple with his thumb. 

“A discussion for later.” He said quietly before adding in a lighter tone. “But there is no jealousy or possession on my part, Commander. I have been aware and accepting of your affection for her and hers for you for some time.” 

Cullen’s face flushed red and he closed his eyes. “Pla-platonic. I… I have done nothing. I swear it.”

Solas gave me a bewildered look as if to say ‘why do you like this idiot?’ and then actually… rolled his eyes. “Hopefully you will remedy that eventually.” 

Cullen actually choked, for real choked on his air and started coughing. I turned to… I don’t know what I was going to do but I wanted to help, only to get dizzy as my body reminded me I had been horizontal and unconscious for however long. Solas and Cullen both caught me before I fell over, which was funny as we were on a bed, which is the best thing to fall onto. 

“As… important and necessary as this talk is… I think we need to save it for later.” I rasped. 

Solas smiled and leaned down to press a kiss to my forehead. “Rest, Vhenan. I will assure the pack you are well and help smooth things over.”

“Ma serannas, vhenan.” I smiled at him and watched him take his leave to reassure my pack and hopefully handle Josephine, who was probably in some sort of extreme emotion over the ‘scene’ in the courtyard. 

Leaving me in Cullen’s arms. Cullen, who looked like we had taken a baseball bat to his senses. 

“You alright, dharlin?” I asked gently as I let myself relax into the bed. I didn’t feel like sleeping again, but I didn’t feel like moving either. 

“He- I didn’t-“ he looked utterly confused and worried.

“Later, Dharlin.” I sighed and leaned against him. This really wasn’t the best time to break his mind. Not when I could still smell old blood on me and my throat ached with my missing magic and my stomach hurt with lack of solid food.

“But you are-“ the man was fixated on working it out until it made sense it seemed.

“It’s okay.” I said soothingly. 

“I was not trying to steal your affections, I wasn’t-“ he was blaming himself again, I could hear it in every awkward word he uttered. 

I impulsively reached up and pulled him down by the back of his neck to press a soft kiss to his jaw. Even with how much larger he was, how much stronger, he still moved when I pulled on him. “Later.” I grimaced at the prickly stubble against my chapped lips. “You need to shave.” 

Cullen had frozen, his mouth still open mid-word and his eyes wide, but his hands tightened on me a fraction before he seemed to force them open, as he shut his mouth and swallowed. Well… It seems I had broken his brain anyway… oops.

“Rest with me, okay?” I pressed a hand to his cheek gently. “Rest. We can talk later, Dharlin.”

“Right…” He sounded dazed, but sat back against the headboard. One of his hands absently lifted to his jaw where I had kissed him. “Right…” 


	42. Chapter 42

Cullen was quiet and dazed, and I could practically feel his mind whirring away in that blonde head of his as he let me use his thigh as a pillow as I tried to reorient myself. The light coming through the hole in the roof looked like late afternoon. I was wearing one of Cullen’s shirts. At least, I assumed it was as it practically swallowed me. I guess my tunic had been ruined by getting a sword through it. 

My pants were gone too.

Which, blood, makes sense. His shirt was like a mini dress on me anyway.

“Did you change my clothes?” I asked after enough time had passed that my arm fell asleep and I had to shift positions slightly.

“No!” He sounded scandalized, and I saw a blush creep up his neck. “I- I checked for your wound, but Lahnehn changed you. She…” He swallowed. “She came running. Said she had felt something wrong. She and another of your pack moved you up here.” He fell silent for a moment before adding. “They said you would feel safer here than the healer’s tent… I- they did not want to upset the children by taking you to the Den either.”

“They were right.” I murmured. “I would have freaked out if I woke up down there.” 

I felt his hand hesitantly touch my hair before he pulled it away and let out a heavy sigh.

I waited but he didn’t say anything more. “So… what happened exactly?”

“When he- The noble drew his sword when Sa’nehn pushed him. You… jumped between the sword and Sa’nehn before I reached you, shoved him out of the way.”

“Is he dead?”

“Yes.” He said shortly.

“Good.” That was a relief. 

“Josephine is livid at me killing a noble in public.” He said quietly. 

“Ugh. I’ll be having  _ words _ with her later.” I was quiet for a moment before adding. “I… am glad it was you instead of Sa’nehn though. It… they would try to hang him if he had.” 

“I would not have allowed it.” He said, his voice turning hard.

“Neither would I, but they would have tried.” I sighed. “As it is, Josephine is probably spinning it away as the brave Commander of the Inquisition saving the Castellan from an assassination attempt.” 

Cullen went still again. “I did nothing… I was too slow to- Maker, Fen, you were on the ground with a sword-“ I heard a slight thud and turned my head to see his head against the headboard and his eyes closed.

“I didn’t think to put up a barrier.” I said quietly. “I know how, I could have just barriered both Sa’nehn and myself. I’m sorry.” 

He nodded and looked down at me. His jaw worked for a moment before setting in determination. “You…” he stopped himself for a second before starting again. “Please, will you start training? Truly training, not just when you feel like it. You need your reactions to be unconscious reactions.”

I considered it but… “Cullen, even if I trained, it won’t… I’m not a soldier. I won’t ever be one. I’ve trained, and I like training, but always when it comes down to it, I’m scared and I shove other people out of the way of whatever I’m scared of. I can work to make barriers more instinctive, but I don’t want to become a soldier.” 

He closed his eyes again and sighed before nodding. “Of course… forgive me I-“ he shook his head. “Sometimes forget.” 

“I can get a more experienced body guard though.” I suggested. “And maybe some armor. I don’t… I’m not trying to be unsafe. I’m just a tiny, skinny mess of chaos and love.” 

“Yes. I will have your measurements taken for a set, something light and easily hidden under clothes if you wanted.” He seemed desperately relieved at the suggestion.

“With wolves on it.” 

“Of course.” His mind seemed to latch onto the idea. Protecting. “I know of some soldiers but I doubt you would trust them… perhaps Sa’nehn could train… if he wanted.” 

“Sa’nehn wants to be a writer.” I murmured. “He’s… he’s still a child really. If… you take Rage and Wisdom with you, watch them when you speak to whoever you have in mind, if they are alright with someone, I’m usually alright with them.” 

“He is far past a child.” Cullen sounded puzzled. Right… child soldier here. “But… if you trust your… cat’s opinion, I will take advantage of the fact to get you a guard.”

“Cullen, where I come from, we don’t consider people adults until they are eighteen, or even fully grown until they’re twenty-five. To me, he is a child.” I groaned and covered my face with my hands. “I should never have… I didn’t really think there was a real need for a body guard so I let him do what he wanted, but I never should have let a child take on that sort of responsibility. He should be studying, learning, deciding what he wants to do in life. Not following around a skinny punk with bad self preservation instincts.” 

Cullen was quiet for a moment before his hand came to rest on my arm. “I… believe keeping you safe is what he wants. And in his mind, being your bodyguard was the surest avenue to achieve that. He will not wish to give that up.” Cullens thumb passed over my arm, before he said quietly. “I am… the best of my years are considered over… more so with… the Lyrium.” 

“Agist bullshit.” I muttered. “There’s no such thing as ‘best years’ and you’re not even middle aged anyway.” 

He shifted uneasily. “Fen… I’m old enough to… you could be my daughter.”

I blinked at him, then giggled. Then coughed. Then laughed and coughed some more before catching my breath, struggling to sit up and take a drink before speaking to him. “Cullen, love, I could be your mother.” 

His mouth opened then closed and I couldn’t tell if he was more flustered over me calling him love, or confused by the statement that I could be his mother.

“I’m much, much older than I look.” I giggled once more and then groaned as stiff muscles made themselves known. “Ow.” I stretched a little, testing. “Want to help me get to the Den? I want to see my pups.”

Cullen was quiet for a moment too long and I turned in time to see him tear his eyes away from my legs, which, oh yeah, wearing his shirt as a dress. “Um. Perhaps I should… send for some clothes first?” 

“I’ll dress in the Den.” I waved my hand dismissively. “Where is my cloak? I can just wrap up.”

His expression fell. “It… was ruined.” He slid out of the bed and moved to the rickety chair where his cloak was tossed over. He picked it up and hesitated. “It… would be seen as…”

“Like I give a shit about that. Wrap me up, dharlin.” 

“Solas might.” He spoke quietly. 

“He really doesn’t.” I pushed myself up to standing, steadying myself on the bed at the head rush. “Well… I mean, he might approve of the symbology of being wrapped in your cloak, the protective… thing.” 

Cullen looked over at me and his brow furrowed as he moved to me, only hesitating a second before putting his cloak over my shoulders, the thing was massive and pooled around my legs and I staggered slightly under the weight of it. “You are still dizzy?” 

“Yeah. I’ve been laying flat for a while. Low magic.” I paused and poked at my hips. “And I didn’t have much squish to spare for not eating. Damnit, I lost some of my gain.” 

He didn’t say anything and I looked up to see him staring at me with a… glazed expression. 

I couldn’t help a smirk, though I did try to squash it, and filed away the idea of wearing just his cloak for later. “I’m alright, dharlin.” 

He blinked and cleared his throat. “Yes. Um. I could carry you? If… Simply because you are dizzy...”

“Sure. Thank you.” I smiled at him and helpfully drew his cloak tighter around myself so my legs were helpfully hidden. 

He very carefully crouched and put an arm behind my knees and shoulders and picked me up with a very pleasant amount of ease. I had to blink a wave of dizziness away at the sudden but gentle movement, and then he was holding me tightly to his chest and carrying me. He shifted me slightly to hold me in one arm as he went down the ladder, and paused to rearrange me back into the princess hold once in his office. 

I looked over to see Fenvir, Terys, and Thom all leaning against the wall with worried expressions. I gave them a smile. “Hey there.” 

“Tarlan’Fen.” Terys said softly. “It is good to see you awake. We have missed you.” 

“I’ve missed you too, Fenlin.”

Cullen carried me to the door and Fenvir silently opened it for him as Thom and Terys fell into step on each shoulder. I felt a little dazed when I blinked away the bright sunlight and found myself faced with… a line of people outside the door. I could see Amund, Skinner, and Tamaris among half a dozen other elves who, while familiar, I couldn't recall their names.

There was a soft chorus of ‘Lady Wolf’s from them and I smiled weakly as Cullen carried me past and to the stairs. Amund, Skinner, and Tamaris fell into step behind us as well. I heard someone shout as Cullen descended the stairs and his grip on me tightened slightly as he inhaled sharply. I craned my neck over the fur of his mantle to see… dozens of elves scrambling to form a pair of lines that formed a path from the wall to the stairs to the main hall. Most of their faces were familiar, the cook who I said hello to every time I passed, a few of the runners, some of them I couldn't place but I knew I had spoken to them before. There were mages there too, and a few soldiers and scouts. All of them shoulder to shoulder, separating Cullen and I from the watching people in the courtyard. 

Cullen still held me tightly and I could feel his heart rate pick up as he walked between the silent gauntlet of elves. I… was feeling a little overwhelmed as I peered through the fur of his cloak to give tentative smiles to those we passed. The cousin of the noble I had hidden in my Den was there, standing silently next to the woman herself and the elf maid and her child. All of them curtseyed slightly as we passed.

Fiona was there, standing next to a fiercely proud looking Jim and several of her mages. She inclined her head as we passed and Jim darted out of the line to join the pack following behind Cullen. He carried me silently up the stairs and paused slightly when Solas met him on the landing and quietly fell into step beside him. I glanced at him but he looked utterly composed, at ease at with… this statement. I recognized this. This was a very visible show of solidarity. This was a statement, and judging by Josephine’s white knuckled grip on her clipboard as we passed her in the Main hall, a big one. 

“Castellan. Commander.” She said evenly.

“Excuse us, the Lady Wolf needs time to recover.” Terys stepped neatly between Cullen and her as Fenvir opened the door to the Rotunda to usher Cullen and Solas through. Aelon and Miadhal were in the Rotunda and both inclined their heads to me before joining the file of people behind Cullen and Solas. 

Dorian was standing anxiously by Solas’ desk. His hands moved as if to reach for me, then dropped. I gave him a weak smile.

“I’m sorry for missing our dinner.”

“Yes, well… things… happened.” His voice was thick as if he was trying not to cry.

“Come with us.” I said gently. He could probably use some pack cuddles too.

Aelon held her hand out to him and he hesitated before taking it. Skinner moved to sit on the desk, pulling out her dagger and sharpening it.

Dorian let out a soft noise when we went through the wall, but nobody spoke until we had wound down the stairs and were in the Den. I could see Dorian gaping at the sun spell.

“A bath?” Solas offered.

“Yeah. uh. Please.” I felt overwhelmed but yeah, I smelled like blood and sweat. 

“This way.” Solas said and walked towards the screened pools and Cullen followed with a dazed expression on his face and his arms tight on me. He didn’t seem to shake off the daze until he had set me down carefully on the ground and I started to shrug out of his cloak.

He made a noise in the back of his throat and started to stand. “I’ll just-”

“I will require your help, Commander.” Solas said dryly as he shucked his tunic and slid into the pool. He really didn’t, he was just being a troll again and I was too tired to out him.

“Oh. Right.” Cullen flushed and kept his eyes firmly on my head as he helped support me while I slid out of his cloak and shirt and then let him lower me into the water. 

It was hot and felt amazing and I let out a soft sigh as I slid into it. Cullen kept my head out of the water while I just… let myself go limp and let them both take care of me. Solas even produced a pair of clippers and washed and trimmed my hair back to how I liked it before Cullen carefully let me slip under water to rinse the soap and cut hairs off of me.

They dressed me in one of Solas’ tunics and Solas very deliberately picked up Cullen’s cloak and draped it back over my shoulders. Both of them seemed… more at ease as Cullen picked me back up and carried me out of the bathing area. I would guess that the act of making sure I was clean and whole had made them both feel better.

Saam caught Cullen’s attention and directed him towards a mattress that had been pulled out near the garden beds. It had a warming glyph near it, and trays and trays of carefully prepared finger foods and I could smell tea and broth. It looked like she had been stress cooking.

Cullen gently set me down in the center of the mattress and he moved as if to leave, but I darted a hand out of his cloak and caught his sleeve. “Stay?” I whispered.

He hesitated, but nodded and settled beside me and slightly behind so I could lean on him. Solas moved to my other side, his thigh pressed to mine as he accepted the cup of broth Saam offered and held it till I was situated and could take it and sip at it. I had only taken a few sips before Sa’nehn stumbled out of the Pack room and approached me. He looked haggard and I held out my hand to him in concern. 

He dropped to his knees on the mattress in front of me. “Ir abelas, Tarlan’Fen.” His voice was hoarse. “I… I failed you.”

“No, love.” I leaned forward and put my hand on the side of his neck. “I’m sorry. You did not fail me. You were amazing.” 

He let out an agonized whine and moved and buried his face on my lap. “Why did you-? I would have- I wanted to help. You shouldn’t have been hurt. I was right there!” He was crying. “I was supposed to protect you!”

I started petting his hair softly. “Fenlin… you’re my pack, one of my pups. I know you wanted to keep me safe, but I wanted to keep you safe too.”

He moved back on his knees, lifting his face up to look at me fiercely and catching my hand. “On the worst day of my life, you took me in, made sure I was safe. Gave me…” His hand fluttered in a gesture that encompassed the Den and the Pack. “And I- Pack looks out for each other.”

“And we did, fenlin. You protected me, I protected you. That’s what we do.” I pulled him back to me. “And next time, hopefully I’ll remember that I can just put a barrier over us instead of being dramatic.” 

He let out a sobbing sort of laugh and curled up tightly to my legs and let me hold him. After a moment, Solas nudged my elbow to remind me to keep drinking the broth. The other kids wiggled quietly onto the mattress with us, ducking in to bump my forehead gently and search my face before curling up with snacks nearby. Even little Rasa seemed solemn, though she brightened when she saw Solas and stunned him by climbing into his lap with a loudly whispered, “Mack?” Wisdom and Rage sat among the kids, and Loyalty laid down behind the mattress so that it could reach out and nudge the back of my head every now and then. It was oddly quiet as the pack gathered close, but… it felt safe. We all ate and drank and just reminded each other we were all here. Dorian had been pulled into the little cluster of ‘pack-adjacent’ and Dorian seemed torn between staring at Andrew and Prim in shock and at me in concern.

I was listing slightly, overwhelmed and still tired but wanting to be with my pack. Sa’nehn’s head was still resting on my legs and Cullen and Solas bracketed me and… I felt safe. Sa’nehn fell asleep. I worried about when the last time he had slept… 

Margaret shouldered through the pack and dropped to one knee at the edge of the mattress, an intense scowl on her face. She pointed at Sa’nehn. “Imekari?” 

I nodded. Child. She put her hand over her chest. “Aqun-atlok. Antaam, Ashaad.” 

Her role had been a soldier, a scout? I think Ashaad meant scout. She gestured from herself to me. “I… not imekari. Was Ashaad.” She frowned and then spoke slowly. “I… walk with you, as Sa’nehn.” 

Oh… "I thought you liked farming?"

Saam translated and Margaret shook her head. "Choose." Her hand splayed over her chest again. "Choose. Vir'Fenes. I walk with you as him. Pack. I see. I protect. I walk with you.” 

Her choice.

I gave her a wobbly smile and nodded. “Alright. Thank you.” 

Her face lit up in a smile and she carefully leaned over Sa’nehn’s sleeping form to press her forehead against mine. She started to pull away when I remembered ‘Aqun-atlok’. I put my hand on her shoulder. “Her? Or He?”

She blinked and then grinned widely. “Her. No Qun, I fight  _ and _ be she. It...” She paused and seemed to mull over her word choice. “Rebellion.” She said slowly, with a sharp smile.

Rebellion against the strict gender roles in the Qun. I smiled. “That’s my punk.” 

She nodded and I saw her mouthing the word ‘punk’ as she moved away. The kids were getting wiggly so they moved off of the mattress and off to play in the pools with some of the pack. Saam pressed another cup of soup into my hands and bumped my forehead with hers before moving to the garden beds to begin working her magic. 

Things slowly slotted back into place. Children playing, people working in the garden, Thom and Amund both gave me solemn, lingering head bumps before they headed to the valley with Fenvir. Slowly the bustle of the Den picked back up, children playing quietly, people moving about, Terys and Mina headed back up the castle proper to manage things. All was well. 

Dorian hesitantly moved to perch on the edge of the mattress and looked at me with a wobbly smile. “Well, little gem, this is…” He trailed off and looked around the Den. “I knew you had a hidden place down here but I thought it was… a little set of chambers or something of the sort. Not… this. You could fit an entire village in here.” 

“I’m full of surprises.” I put my hand on Solas’ thigh and Cullen’s as well. Solas covered my hand with his own and Cullen tensed and I felt him look at Solas uncertainly behind my head. 

“Indeed.” Dorian murmured, gazing over at Prim and Andrew before leveling a serious expression on me. “Now, I hope this little unfortunate event has imparted some life lessons to you.”

“Oh, definitely.”

Dorian looked satisfied but Solas gave me a curious look. “And what lesson is that?”

“Next time? I’m just poisoning the bastard while no one is looking.” I seethed. 

Dorian blinked and Cullen made a shocked noise in his chest. I felt a brush of amused and approving magic from Solas.

“I was angling more for a different view on the matter.” Dorian said. “More along the lines of: Perhaps you shouldn’t throw yourself into the middle of noble affairs. They tend to get ever so dramatic.” 

I gave him a flat look. “I will never turn away someone who asks me for help, dove.” 

Dorian looked around the Den again and then let out a soft sigh. “No… I don’t suppose you would.” 

“I would have helped you too.” I pointed out.

“I’m a Tevinter Altus, little gem. I do not need help.” He scoffed, but it was just show. He blinked and his eyes looked damp. I was very proud of Solas for staying quiet. 

“And I’m a too skinny wolf, dove.” I bared my teeth at him playfully. 

“Right.” His eyes darted from Sa’nehn, to Solas, to Cullen, and then around the Den again. “I suppose this is all hush hush?” 

“Yes.” I leaned my head against Cullen’s arm. “As far as the people upstairs know, I just have a little set of chambers that I hide my people in. And Prim and Andrew have just disappeared.” 

“Yes… about them…” He trailed off and lifted his hand to touch the center of his forehead briefly.

“They’re cured. Recovering. Also a rather large secret.” I agreed. 

“Fasta vass…” He breathed. “You… are placing a rather large amount of trust in me, little gem. A secret like that…” 

“Mm-hmm.” I hummed my agreement. “You also have to have one of my pack let you out of the Den.” He tensed but I just kept speaking. “Just ask any of them to let you out when you want to leave.”

He studied me thoughtfully before asking. “How… does one become part of your pack?”

“They ask. They agree to our ways. The pack votes to accept them. There’s a little ceremony where I grant the ability to find and enter the Den and declare them a wolf.” 

“That is all? How do you avoid taking in spies?”

“I have. I’ve apparently accidentally stolen two of them.” 

“Possibly three.” Solas murmured.

Huh. Okay. My eyes were half closed at this point. My magic was coming back, slowly building up, and it felt wonderful. I tentatively reached out, brushing against Solas (love, relief), then Loyalty (content, protective), Rage (angry, love), Wisdom (content, curious), out to Cole (relief, fond), to the stones of Skyhold (possessive, angry, alert, protective, patient). I felt myself accidentally brush against Dorian as I sent a curl of reassurance to the stones and he inhaled sharply.

“Fen? Is she alright?” 

Hands came to rest on my cheeks and I blinked away the magic and frowned at Dorian, who was tilting my face up and examining me fretfully. “I’m fine.” 

“She is well, Altus Pavus.” Solas said evenly as he reached up and pushed Dorian’s hands from my face. “She was communing with her friends.” 

Sa’nehn let out a soft groan and I started petting his hair to soothe him. Dorian sat back on his heels. “Your eyes were glowing.”

“They do that. Hazards of using magic instinctively instead of suppressing it.” I shrugged.

“You shouldn’t be using your mana so soon after a magical strain.” Dorian chided me.

“I was just saying hello. No fancy spells from me.” I held my hands up in surrender. “I need to recover enough to go face whatever mess is waiting for me out there.” 

“Hmm, yes.” Dorian stood and straightened his robes. “I should probably go tell Varric that you are well. The man has been frantic since the Incident.” 

“Tell Josephine that I am not going to be holding a grudge about this? She looked terrified.”

Dorian paused and looked me over before exhaling sharply and muttering. “Of course. Why wouldn’t she be?”

“I should go up as well.” Cullen said softly, reluctantly. “I have been neglecting my duties.” 

I turned and pressed a kiss to his cheek, then winced and rubbed at my mouth. I did hate stubble burn. “Maybe shave while you are at it, dharlin.”

He looked frozen in place again, eyes closed tightly. 

We really needed to talk about this. “Would you come down for dinner tomorrow so we can talk? About us?”

He exhaled and stood, accidentally jarring Sa’nehn awake as he moved off of the mattress. “I-”

“If you would oblige us, Commander.” Solas said firmly. 

Cullen made a pained expression but jerked his chin in a nod. “Very well. Tomorrow then.” 

He looked… resigned as he composed himself, straightened his shoulders, and headed for the stairs to the Rotunda entrance with a very curious Dorian at his side. 

I frowned after him. “I… am fairly sure he still thinks you’re going to challenge him to a duel or something weird like that.” 

Sa’nehn had sat up and was looking me over with bleary, concerned eyes. “You… need to rest.” 

“As do you, fenlin.” 

He grimaced but nodded. I cupped his cheek in my hand. “Margaret is going to join you in following me around.”

Angry hurt flashed across his face, followed closely by guilt and then shame and he nodded sharply, drawing back out of my reach.

“Two is traditional, da’len.” Solas said as he slid his arms under me and picked me up easily. “One to face the threat, one to guide her to safety. It is not a slight. Margaret is to aid you, not replace you. Rest and train, you did not fail.” 

Sa’nehn bowed his head for a moment before standing, his jaw tight. He gave a sharp nod and turned towards one of the rooms. I watched him in concern until Solas turned and started carrying me to his room. His arms were tight around me as he took me to his room and set me on his bed and knelt in front of me, shutting the door with his magic without once taking his eyes off of me. His hand went to the side of my face and I felt it tremble as I lifted my own hand to cover his.

“I’m alright, vhenan.” I whispered. He had kept himself so composed in front of the others.

“I felt… I felt you, vhenan.” He said, his voice cracking as he closed his eyes and then leaned forward to press his forehead against mine. “I felt you in pain, and frightened, and… I was so far away. I could not find you in the fade beyond a… an impression.” He exhaled shakily. “I came as swiftly as I could with only the pain through the amulet to drive me- ma’nas, I could have lost you.” 

“Ir abelas, ma’lath.” I carefully put my hands on the side of his neck so I could slide my thumbs along the line of his jaw. “I am here with you.” 

His hands moved to gently circle my wrists and he swallowed, the movement heavy beneath my fingers. “May I- we- Ar isalen...”

“Vin.” I leaned forward to press a kiss to his brow, and then pulled away long enough to shrug out of Cullen’s cloak and set it aside.

Solas gently laid me down and took me from behind while we were laying on our sides, slotted together like spoons, his face pressed into the crook of my neck and his hand over my heart, and we stayed like that afterwards until I fell asleep again, with my heart beating under his palm and his desperate breaths against my throat, reassuring himself that I was alright with every breath.


	43. Chapter 43

I woke to Rage’s insistent poking. He was knocking his beak against my forehead gently. I cracked my eyes open and glared at him. “I w’s sleepin’.”

_ A silent one waits for you. _

“I have no idea what that means.” I sighed and sat up. Solas wasn’t there, but Wisdom and Rage were. There was an air of expectation coming from them. I tentatively reached out with my magic. It was still low, but not as sore. Skyhold felt more settled. 

I dressed and wrapped Cullen’s cloak around me, gathering up the hem in my arms so it didn’t drag behind me. Wisdom and Rage accompanied me out of the room. I was greeted by the sight of Margaret and Sa’nehn talking together with the help of Saam. they stopped when they saw me and I smiled as I walked over to hug them. Margaret practically dwarfed me as I hugged her waist. 

Sa’nehn spoke hesitantly. “We were speaking of your guard.”

“Oh?” I pulled him into a tight hug. 

“We think… Margaret and me one day, and then Thom and someone else the next. That way we all have time to rest and train and do other things because I know you would want us to.” He said all in a rush.

“That’s an excellent idea, fenlin.” I said earnestly. I felt him relax slightly before he pulled away and steered me towards the table.

“Breakfast.”

I could eat. The soup from the day before had gone down easy and I was hungry. Saam proudly set a massive plate of biscuits with a thick white gravy and a bowl of stewed apples in front of me with a huge glob of butter melting on top of it. There was also a cup of chamomile tea with cream, and a single fried egg. (Jim ran by to bump heads with me and proudly announce it was the first egg from the hen in the valley before leading the kids up the stairs with Lahnehn and Mae.) Well… it seemed they were taking it upon themselves to fatten me up. 

I ate as much as my stomach could hold, and then sipped at the rich tea as the pack filed through to eat, greet me, and move on to the day. I was just about to go ahead and make my way up to the castle when Solas emerged from one of the unused rooms and approached me.

“Tarlan’Fen. Would you… assist me in a matter?” He looked… stressed.

“Of course.” I pushed myself up to my feet and regathered Cullen’s cloak up. It was really too heavy for me, but it was warm and it smelled like Cullen. I followed Solas back to the room and he ushered me inside and then closed and latched the door behind us. I blinked at the sight that greeted me.

An elf, taller than most, with purple… eyes… He was standing blankly in the center of the room without expression.

“Oh gods… he was killed in the fade… That just makes them tranquil…” I breathed in horrified realization. 

Solas made a pained but quiet sound in the back of his throat before reaching out to me like the spirits did, like he did in his wolf form. “ _ I did not know. I thought him dead until I woke and found him… like this _ .”

And that would have terrified him… if he had been watching the world through the veil… he couldn’t have seen any of the tranquil. He didn't really know they existed… or had only heard through some of his agents, who might not have been inside the circles to know about them in the first place. To wake up and find out that he had done such a horrific thing on accident… and then he wouldn't have killed him afterwards because he would have needed more information. 

“Oh, vhenan… ir abelas.” I turned and put my hand over his heart.

His eyes were closed. “It… He cannot be trusted, but I cannot… leave him so. Nor can I bring myself to simply… finish it. Not after what was done to him.” 

“What are you asking from me?” I asked quietly. The way he worded that meant Felassan must not know Solas’ other identity.

“To… allow him to stay in your Den, hidden away. Whatever reparations I must make to you for the favor, I will.” Solas opened his eyes and clasped my hand. “There is nowhere else… safe for him.” 

Keep him in the Den. A dreamer, among my wolves and pups. “Wisdom?” 

Wisdom forgot her way through the door and wound around my ankles for a long moment while Solas and I stared at each other. Eventually, she spoke to me.  _ You do not have to trust him among your pups. Take him to the valley, he does not know the phrase to come back. Loyalty will watch over him. _ She paused and then added.  _ And it is likely he will learn to follow you as the others have. In the end, his care for mortals is what brought his fate. _

Safe enough… and less a prisoner than an exile. Exiled to the Wolf’s Den.

“I still owe you one for sending you to the FallowMire, don’t I?” I said thoughtfully.

Solas exhaled a relieved laugh, catching the acceptance in the question. “You do.”

“Very well. I can keep him comfortably safe and out of the way, and we’ll call it even?” 

I felt him extend a brush of fond, relieved, grateful mana to me and I reached up and cupped the side of his face with a smile before turning to face Felassan. “Wisdom?”

_ I do not mind _ . She moved to circle around Felassan’s ankles and I felt her expand for an instant and Felassan inhaled sharply and took a sudden step backwards. He blinked and lifted a shaky hand to the back of his neck and then looked between me and Solas. I watched, curious and wary. 

Those purple eyes studied me for a long moment before he grinned, and then chuckled, and then collapsed to the floor in hysterical laughter, clutching his stomach as he laughed. I moved and crouched in front of him. “You need to breathe. Inhale for the count of four, arani.”

I coached him through some box breathing until he collapsed back to lean against the stone wall, his eyes wet with tears of amusement. “Your… your friend am I?”

“I don’t know the word for ‘someone I know but do not know well enough to know what to call them’.” I quirked a half smile.

“‘Amemun’ seems to fit well enough.” He said with a sharp glance over my shoulder where Solas was. “He will find out.”

‘Amem’ was kept and ‘un’ was a modifier that would make Amemun out to ‘the kept’. I think. Something like that.

“With fronds like these, who needs anemones?” I quipped absently. 

There was a beat of silence and Fellasson frowned at me quizzically. 

“I fear your humor has passed over us.” Solas said after a moment.

“It’s a scientific pun…” I frowned. “An anemone is a sea creature that has stinging fronds for catching food. They’re sometimes called sea flowers.” I hefted myself to my feet and clutched Cullen’s cloak around myself. 

Another beat of silence and then Felassan started giggling before he covered his mouth with his hand and breathed evenly. “I… I see why you like her.” He tilted his head back against the wall with a laugh. “Ah, the irony.” He exhaled sharply. “So is this room my fate, my lady?”

“I’d rather it not be.”

His eyes opened to slits and he looked at me sharply. “There are options, then? I do love options.” 

“You are in my Den right now. Only my people are in here, only they can come and go. I do not trust you, so I don’t want you in my den with my wolves.”

Felassan sat up and opened his eyes fully to watch me with interest.

“But I have a hidden valley, that once you are in it, you can’t leave without my permission. There are houses built, and a spirit that would make sure you do not bring any harm or danger to me or mine, and you can wander or stay in it as you please.” 

“And what is expected of me to be allowed this measure of freedom, my lady?” His odd purple eyes were sharp and curious.

I lifted one shoulder in a shrug that was swallowed by the fur on Cullen’s cloak. “Don’t cause trouble for me or mine.”

“Could I perhaps get more detail on what that means?”

“No. I’d prefer you be trying for the spirit of it rather than the letter.” I said dryly.

Felassan laughed, spiralling for a moment before catching his breath. “Oh, you’ve taught her well.”

“I have taught her nothing.” Solas said stiffly.

“That’s not true, love. You taught me fire glyphs and how to swear in elvhen.” I scoffed playfully. Wisdom let out an indignant mew and I glanced at her. “Sorry, you’re right, you taught me to swear in elvhen, not him.” 

I turned my attention back to Felassan. “Would you like to go to the valley now, or would you like some time to reorient yourself in here first?” 

The elf was watching me sharply again. “Do you know who he serves? Who you are hiding me from? Do you know the risk you are taking?” 

“Yes. Do you know who I am, Felassan?” I retorted. 

“Enlighten me, my lady.” His voice was soft but he did the same tense and slight gathering of limbs like he was ready to pounce that Solas did.

“Most call me Fen.” I smiled simply and Felassan relaxed with a startled blink.

“Thane Fenenansal, the Keeper of the Stones of the Sky, our Tarlan’Fen.” Solas said softly, the drama queen. ‘Posturing’. 

“You include yourself?” Felassan’s eyebrows flew up.

“Yes.” Solas said shortly. 

“Oh, I can tell you from experience he will not be pleased with  _ that _ .” He rolled his eyes and then giggled before breathing intently. “Might want to keep whatever trick you have up your sleeve for fixing-” He gestured vaguely at his head- “That handy, my lady. You might need it for your lover there if his master catches scent of this.” 

“You didn’t answer my question.” I reminded him. 

Felassan leaned back against the wall and looked at me from under his lashes. “I believe I would like to stay in here for the day. To catch my breath, if you would allow it.” 

“Ma nuvenin.” I inclined my head. “I’ll ask Saam to make sure you have what you need.” 

I could feel his eyes following me as I left the room. Solas closed the door and lifted his hand to slide shut a bolt that looked newer than the door. I caught his wrist. “Don’t. I… I can’t.” I said softly. Keeping him in the valley was… difficult for me as it was. “The paths are locked already.” 

“This troubles you.” Solas said as he reluctantly dropped his hand, leaving the door unlocked. 

“I don’t like the idea of prisons. Keeping him in the valley is… an exile. Locking the door is a prison.” I hugged myself under Cullen’s cloak. “Loyalty will keep an eye on him.” 

Solas exhaled sharply and nodded. “Very well.” He sighed and then looked at me for a long moment before the corner of his mouth quirked up. “You are being eaten by that thing.” 

I could go with a change of subject. “It is a bit big and heavy. Warm though. Smells good.” I hefted the cloak up so only my eyes peered out of the fur mantle. 

He snorted and offered me his arm and I happily tucked my hand into the crook of his elbow. Saam said she would keep an eye on our ‘guest’, and I saw Loyalty clip into place in front of Felassan’s door and settle down like an oversized guard dog. I sent it a brush of gratitude and it whickered back in its ghostly voice. I warned Saam not to confront Felassan if he tried to leave, to have everyone just avoid him. He was a powerful mage, and I didn’t want any of my pack hurt.

She made me take a bag of snacks with me before she let me head for the stairs. Solas pulled his arm back and I glanced at him curiously just before Margaret scooped me up, startling a yelp out of me, and started carrying me up the stairs like a fluffy burrito. She carted me into the Rotunda, and then set me down on the sofa against the wall, tucking Cullen’s cloak around me comfortably before moving to stand against the wall on one end of the sofa. Sa’nehn silently moved to the other side, and Solas eased himself down in the seat beside me. 

The noble woman I had hidden was there, dressed in a black, ornately decorated dress. Her mask had a black piece of gauze draped over it, and the mourning outfit was completely, understandably, at odds with her cheerful smile. “Lady Wolf. It is good to see you well.” 

“And you as well.” 

Her cousin was there, as was the elf maid and the little girl. 

“I am Countess Odette D’Aboville. I wanted to extend my sincerest thanks for your aid in my time of trouble.” She came towards me and extended her hand and I wiggled my arm out of Cullen’s cloak to accept it. “If you ever have need of aid, please, allow me to return the favor.”

“Thank you.” I said lamely. 

“I do…” She hesitated. “Have yet another favor to ask of you, one that is difficult for me to ask.” 

“What is it?” 

She held out her hand behind her and her daughter came forward and took it, hiding her face in her mother’s skirts shyly. “I must return to Orlais to settle my late husband’s affairs. Lissette… is unsafe in Orlais. I… spoke with Enchantress Fiona about her training, but after seeing your own instincts… I would beg you to take her on as your ward.”

Oh… 

“I, of course, would pay for her care and education. I… can provide tutors for her as well as your other children. My lov-” She paused and winced. “My maid would stay with her in my absence.” 

“Of course. She is welcome with us.” What else would I say? Send a mage child to a nation that didn’t think of her as a person? “You… do realize we won’t be training her in the Game though?”

Odette was quiet for a long moment before saying quietly. “The Game did not help us. Vir’Fenes did.”

“Alright. I would be honored to help keep your daughter safe.” 

The noble’s eyes fluttered closed in relief and her hand tightened on her daughter’s before she nodded. “Thank you. I… will begin making the necessary arrangements. Onhalla is your secretary, yes?”

“She is. You can arrange things with her, she has my trust. I know I can be difficult to track down.”

Odette nodded and slipped out of the rotunda with Lissette and the maid. Her cousin stepped forward to me and inclined her head. “You have my thanks as well, both for protecting my cousins and for protecting me from Antoine.” 

I started to protest that I hadn’t been, but Solas laid his hand firmly on my thigh. Fine. 

“Please, write if there is anything I may do to aid you.” She paused and then added. “The Inquisition has a noble cause, yes?”

“It does.” 

She made a satisfied sound and curtseyed slightly before taking her leave as well. I… hoped that meant she was going to support the Inquisition? I chewed on my lip as I looked at the door the nobles had left through. Rage appeared nearby and flapped up onto the couch and snuggled up to my free side. I glanced at Solas, who had his head tilted back to look up. I followed his gaze to see Leliana leaning over the railing, watching. She inclined her head and pushed back, disappearing from view. 

Lisa emerged from the Den and pushed a cup of something warm and smelling of fish broth into my hands, bumping my forehead with hers before disappearing out into the main hall. A moment later, Josephine and Leliana both emerged from the stairway. Oh dear. 

Josephine’s eyes flicked over me and the pack with me with a nervous air, while Leliana’s was sharper. Josephine spoke first. “Lady Wolf, I- we-”

“Josephine. I am not upset with you.” I said flatly. “Disappointed that it couldn’t be handled less brutally, but I’m not upset with you.” I paused, considered, then added. “Perhaps a little upset at you being angry with Cullen for defending me.” 

Josephine and Leliana’s eyes both flicked down to the cloak wrapped around me like a blanket, then to Solas, who still had his hand on my thigh. 

“I… will apologize to him?” Josephine said awkwardly. She looked relieved when I grinned at her approvingly. Her fingers fluttered nervously on the edge of her ever present clipboard before she asked. “If… there is anything the Inquisition can do to make you feel safer, please, just ask.” 

I considered just saying we were good, but Josie and Leli both worked in a world where nothing was free. They probably felt like they had broken some rule of the Game or something by allowing me to get hurt and needed to pay reparations. “A few of my pack have volunteered to act as my guards. Armor or something of the nature, perhaps?”

Josephine’s eyes lit up as if she had just struck an excellent deal. “Of course. Four sets, yes?” 

‘Two is traditional’. Huh. “Yes. Margaret, Sa’nehn, Thom, and we are still selecting the fourth.” 

She made a note and gave me her politician’s smile. “Of course. I will have someone come for measurements and have them made as soon as possible.” She inclined her head and swept off out the door.

Leliana had moved to lean against Solas’ desk. She cocked her head at me. “You could have asked for much more.” 

I took a sip of the broth Lisa had given me. It was fatty and tasted of fish and rosemary.

“But you knew that. You were being kind and giving her an easy thing to provide.” Leliana sighed and stood. “I do not understand you, Fenenansal, but the next time you send me such a cryptic message, I will look into the personal side of the matter rather than the political. I do believe Kost would expect us to have… prevented this.” 

“Thank you.” I murmured over the brim of the cup. Do I acknowledge the sideways plea to tell Kost not to be upset? I was going to anyway...

“Hmm. Seeker Cassandra is expected to arrive in the morning with the Seekers she managed to save.”

“Daniel?” I blurted out.

Leliana inclined her head. “She reached them in time thanks to you. Seeker Daniel is recovering, along with a few others.” 

I let out a sigh of relief and closed my eyes, glad that my forgetfulness hadn’t doomed him.

“Castellan.” Leliana said softly and I heard her move away. A purposeful move on her part, she was almost as silent as Solas normally. 

After a moment Solas pressed a soft kiss to my temple and then rose from the sofa. I opened my eyes and watched him slip into the seat at his desk and pick up a tome laying on it. 

It seemed like my job for the day was to be visible. People came and went from the Rotunda to speak with me, perhaps have me read a report and comment. I did a lot of my Castellan work from the sofa and I realized I should probably go ahead and set up a sort of official area for people to find me. It would save me some walking, that was for sure. During all of this, Sa’nehn kept my cup filled with broth and a little tray of finger food nearby. I was snacking on some sort of cream cheese on carrot slices and looking over one of the notes from Fiona when Varric came into the Rotunda and looked me over.

“Gave us all a fright there, Fluffy.” 

“Didn’t you read the schedule?” I asked with an overly innocent expression. “‘Get stabbed’ was right on the schedule between ‘flirt with Cullen’ and ‘take a few days off of work’.” 

He gave me a wan smile. “Ah, I missed that bit in the schedule.” He paused, blinked, then looked from Cullen’s cloak wrapped around me to Solas. “Uh. Both… bits.” 

“Both is nice, isn’t it?” I smirked. “Do I want honey or cream in my tea? Why not both?” 

“Huh.” Varric raised his eyebrows at me. 

Sa’nehn moved and I caught his sleeve and glanced at him fondly. “It’s a metaphor, fenlin, not a request.” 

“Interesting stunt you pulled out there though.” Varric said casually.

“I didn’t do anything except let myself be carried home.” I shrugged and tucked myself back into Cullen’s cloak.

“Right.” Varric did not sound convinced. “Anyway, I have a question for a friend of a friend. That thing that you allegedly did not do, making people disappear? Who all does that trick apply to?” 

“Anyone who truly needs help.” I said evenly. “Vir’Fenes. Vis ma’vira virathe’or’nuathe, ma’av’ahna i ar ju’halani. If you walk the path of trouble, ask and I will help.”

“That’s asking for trouble, Fluffy.” 

“As recent events have shown, that will not stop me.” I said dryly.

“Yeah…” Varric sighed and shook his head. “You and Hawke would have been terrifying together.” 

“What happened to Blondie?” I blurted out.

He stilled and looked at me sharply. Rage lifted his head in interest and I petted his neck. I think that meant Anders was alive out there somewhere. 

“I don’t know if you can reach him, but… I might be able to help.” I shrugged and focused on Rage’s feathers. “It’s a maybe.” 

“You can be real scary sometimes, Fluffy.” He abruptly sighed and shook his head, forcibly relaxing his posture. “But that’s one thing I didn’t exaggerate in my books. I have no clue where he is.”

“I didn’t ask where he was, Varric. Just that if rumors happened to reach him, that happens to be one of them.” I said pointedly over the brim of my cup. 

Varric eyed me carefully before putting on a roguish, well practiced grin. “Well, I'm a sucker for good gossip. You take care of yourself, Fluffy.”

“You as well, Varric.” I tucked my hand out of Cullen’s cloak to wave goodbye to him.

After that, it was a bit of work, a lot of people coming in to check on me, and Solas absently pacing as he read, stopping to drop a kiss to my forehead when he passed me. It was sweet. I must have fallen asleep at some point, because somewhere between signing off on a renovation project for Terys and Mina, and working on a cabled wrist cuff for Cullen, Solas woke me with a kiss and a hand smoothed over my hair. 

“Ma’lath, we need to prepare for our dinner with your Commander.” He said softly. 

That sounded very, very nice. And important. He helped me off of the couch and let me lean on him as we went down the stairs to the Den. I was awake by the time we reached the bottom and I glanced at the door where Felassan was. 

“I’m going to… check on him.” I said uncertainly. 

Solas tensed slightly, but nodded. “I will select what you will wear?” 

Sounded suspicious, but alright. “Vin. Ma serannas.” 

He did look a little satisfied as he left for his room, but as long as it wasn’t the see through lingerie thing Dorian had bought for me, I would probably be fine with whatever he picked. I paused at the thought and called after him. “Not the pink thing, vhenan.” 

He paused in his steps and then gave me a smirk over his shoulder. “Perhaps later then.” 

I could work with that. I went over to ask Saam how things had gone with him and Sa’nehn and Margaret moved to go grab a bite to eat while I was safely in the Den. 

“He’s been very quiet. Polite.” She shrugged, then handed me a tray with a plate of food on it. “Hasn’t touched the door.” 

I thanked her and went to the room and knocked. There was a long pause before I heard him say ‘enter’, and I nudged the door open and cautiously went in.

Felassan was sitting against one of the walls, conjuring little wisps of fire and then dismissing them with a fascinated expression. He glanced up and then startled, the fire guttering out. He looked over me and then raised his eyebrows. “Well, that is unexpected.” 

“I have that effect.” I shrugged and then set the tray on the ground by him. “Saam says you’ve been quiet. I wanted to check and see you are alright.” 

“It seems unwise to do anything that might irritate the person hiding me.” He said dryly. “I must admit, Solas is the last person I would have thought to have a change of mind. He is the most trusted.” 

I made a non committal hum as I stood and moved out of arm’s reach. 

“How long have you known him?” The words were teasing, as if from a friend asking for gossip.

“A few months, or longer than I’ve been alive, or perhaps I only knew a shadow’s tale of a shadow.” I shrugged. “Long enough.” 

He laughed… giggled actually, and shook his head. “If it wouldn’t be detrimental to my health, I would love to see Fen’Harel’s expression when he finds he’s lost his most trusted agent.”

“It is surprisingly lackluster.” I shrugged. “After a certain number of events, it becomes half expected.”

He blinked in surprise. “You… have seen him?”

I gave another noncommittal hum. Let’s avoid that can of worms. “Is there anything you need before I leave? I will probably not be back till tomorrow.”

“I am surprisingly comfortable, my lady. Tell me, if you would, how do you know of me?” He leaned forward off of the wall with a narrow look.

“You helped an elven girl, alone, with no magic, no family, no power, searching for her people.” I had cried over that line. And holy shit I knew the eluvian password… “‘They’re stronger than you think, you know. You know, I suspect you’ll hate this, but she reminds me of-’ I have spent a lot of time trying to guess what that last word might have been. I have my theories, but...” I shrugged and wrapped Cullen’s cloak tighter around myself. “Should have waited just a second longer.” 

All of the blood drained from his face and he leaned back, pressing his back to the wall. His breath stilled and then moved on the exact count of four like I had taught him. I waited for the panic to pass. Probably shouldn’t have quoted his supposed last words to him… Stupid idea there, Fen. 

He eventually cleared his throat. “I do not know the passphrase.”

“I know.”

He still looked halfway to a panic attack. “If I might ask to actually be killed this time? The other thing is rather terrible.”

I blinked at him. “I’m… not going to kill you? Solas asked…” I shook my head. “Right, I’m not going to kill you, or make you tranquil, you can be assured of that.” 

He stared at me in incomprehension for a moment before breaking down into hysterical giggles. “Fenedhis… That’s- that’s why he gets away with-” He spiraled into breathless laughter, curling over his stomach, and I instinctively moved to put my hand in the center of his chest and push. 

“Breathe.”

It took a while because every time he looked at me he would spiral into fresh laughter, but eventually he leaned back against the wall with his eyes closed. “You… are very small.” 

“And late. Are you going to be alright? I can bring one of my wolves in to stay with you if you need.”

“That’s a little obvious, don’t you think?” He giggled.

“I’m not one for subtlety, believe it or not.” I stood up and looked at him uncertainly. I wasn’t sure kicking him into the valley was such a good idea yet. He was just a tad hysterical, which, recently cured tranquil, was expected. I might ask Andrew if he was willing to help out, though I would caution him to be careful. 

He was watching me from under his lashes again, suppressing hitching giggles, but seemed to be mostly in control of his emotions. “Until later, arani.” I said uncertainly and turned to leave.

He burst into muffled laughter again as I shut the door. Oh boy. I quietly told Andrew about him and warned him to be cautious and not talk more than necessary when he eagerly agreed to try and help. I didn’t trust Felassan, but I couldn’t just leave him to spiral alone. 

I slipped into Solas’ room and he glanced over me in concern before gently pulling Cullen’s cloak from my shoulders and hanging it up. “He distresses you.”

“I freaked him out accidentally and then he asked me to kill him instead of making him Tranquil again.” I said quietly as he started unlacing my tunic. His fingers stilled and he clenched his eyes shut in a pained expression before forcing himself to continue. “Andrew is going to try and help him calm down.” 

I realized I was letting him undress me like a doll and started helping. He paused once I was undressed and picked up the wolf pendant, looking at it for a long moment before exhaling sharply. 

“The orb will be destroyed, will it not?”

“I know the passphrase for the eluvians.” I said softly. Avoiding the question was answer enough for him. 

He turned the pendant over in his fingers before gently laying it against my chest. “A… slower approach then. Less urgency if I have more time to prepare.”

He turned and picked up a swathe of sky blue fabric from his bed. It was a dress, simply cut but with a low neckline and lacing up the front, little white and grey wolves sewn along the cuffs and hems.

“Oh…” I gasped in delighted awe. It was beautiful.

“Lahnehn made it for you, dyed it from the seeds from the Skywatcher. I thought this was an appropriate time for its debut.” He smiled and I narrowed my eyes at him before he abruptly tossed the fabric over my head and started wiggling me into it.

“You’re trying to break his brain again, aren’t you?”

“I will admit some amusement at his discomfort.” 

“Ass.” My head emerged from the collar and I slid my arms into the sleeves. He adjusted it and began lacing up the front. The neckline swooped down low enough that the wolf pendant and the key to the Den were prominently on display against my skin. I’d have to gain a lot more weight to have decent cleavage though.

“Perhaps. I took the liberty of having a private dinner prepared for us in the old ball room. Somewhere secluded and private, neither your space nor his, open so he will not feel cornered. A neutral ground.” 

That was very, very thoughtful. The dress, the private, neutral space. I stood up on tiptoe to kiss him. “Ma serannas, vhenan. This means a lot to me.”

He pulled me flush to him and kissed me firmly before whispering against my mouth. “Ar lath ma.” He paused and I felt him smirk against my lips. “Enjoy our conversation with your ‘puppy’ while not wearing any small clothes.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna go ahead and credit Sagoberattare with Leliana's statement about ' I will look into the personal side of the matter rather than the political' as they commented similarly in a previous chapter ^_^


	44. Chapter 44

A round table had been set up in the abandoned ballroom with three chairs evenly spaced so that they all were facing each other. The area was well lit by candles instead of magic, and the places were set with simple foods. Nothing overly fancy or intimidating.

It was perfect. 

Solas must have felt my delight through the pendant as he looked very pleased with himself when I tangled our fingers together and squeezed in gratitude. Sa’nehn and Margaret stayed by the entrance to give us a bit of privacy. I let go of his hand and circled the table once to gauge lines of sight before choosing the seat with its back to the wall. The other two seats could see the entrances and I figured Solas and Cullen both would want that.

I heard footsteps approaching as I pulled Cullen’s cloak off and draped it over the other seat. The measured steps suddenly faltered and I turned to see Cullen a few yards away, frozen midstep and staring at me. I grinned at him and spread my skirt to show it off. "Do you like it? Lahnehn made it for me." There was a breeze that I was completely unused to that reminded me I was wearing a skirt and no underwear and damn it Solas.

Cullen flushed and then closed his eyes and breathed slowly before answering in an even, polite tone. “It looks very nice.” 

Solas pulled out my chair and I sat and thanked him absently, but kept a concerned eye on Cullen as he took another deep, slow breath before coming to the table and sitting stiffly with perfect posture. I did see his eyes flick to the entrances in his line of sight and relax slightly. Only slightly. He was very nervous. He tensed further as Solas sat down and silently poured drinks for us. It smelled like cider. 

The meal was delicious, but Cullen only picked at it, looking like he expected us to erupt into shouts at any moment and staying silent during the small talk unless we asked him a direct question. I tried to put him at ease, but… he just stayed anxiously uncomfortable.

I opened my mouth to ask him if he was alright, and Cullen suddenly spoke rapidly, his words squished together as if he had been rehearsing them but was now in a rush to get them out.

“I do not want to damage your relationship, to come between the two of you. I can, and will, keep my feelings to myself, it is not-”

“Cullen, dharlin.” I said loud enough to cut off his frantic spiel. “Breathe, love. You aren’t breaking us up.” 

He looked at me and blinked before sighing and sagging in relief, this had really worried him. “That… good. That’s good.” He gave me a small, pained but relieved smile and picked up the cider.

“If anyone here wishes to come between the others, it would be Fen.” Solas said evenly.

“Oh my gods, you're an ass.” I laughed and put my face in my hand to hide my blush and to keep from checking whether Cullen got that joke or not… “What Solas is _trying_ to say, is: I would like to begin courting you, in a romantic sense. As in, both of you.” 

He choked on the cider. In hindsight, I should have waited until he was done drinking. I winced as Cullen coughed and tried to catch his breath, and then finally wheezed out: “Both?” 

“Both, but only if you are interested. I am very fond of you, but if you aren’t comfortable with a romantic relationship, I would still want to be friends.” 

Cullen went utterly still, his eyes darting between me and Solas, and when he spoke his voice was very carefully quiet. “Both?” 

“Ah, not me.” Solas said quickly. “I am only here in the interest of ‘open communication’. I have no interest in pursuing any sort of relationship with you. I am only here to assure you that I am aware and approving of her intent, which to state again, is for her to court both of us at the same time.” 

From recent experience, I expected Cullen to sputter out half a dozen questions in one, smattered sentence. What I did not expect was how still and quiet he was as his eyes flicked between me and Solas for a moment before his gaze fixed firmly on the table. He stayed like that for a few heartbeats before speaking, his voice low and careful. “You wish to… court both of us? He is… somehow alright with this. A relationship with… with me in addition to your relationship with him. At the same time?”

“Yes. Both of you, equally.” I said simply, and in a gentle tone because he looked near brain shattering levels and oh shit I had forgotten to find out about Andrastian views on monogamy…

“Neither I nor Fen are jealous people, Commander. We neither wish to possess nor control the other, only to see them happy. You make her happy.” Solas seemed to finally be willing to stop teasing him. “And... I often have to leave to aid the Inquisitor, or for research or the various other tasks that are my duty. It would… ease my mind to know she has someone while I am absent.” Solas fingers drummed on the table surface for a moment and he looked at me seriously before adding. “It was… a relief to find her with you when I returned. To know someone she cared for was with her.” 

Cullen’s gaze was still fixed on the table, not looking directly at me or Solas; he flushed but other than that, there was no physical reaction. “I…” he swallowed and then suddenly stood, still not looking either of us in the eye “Forgive me, I… have some things to attend to.” With that he turned and left, not looking back. 

That was… to be honest, it hurt. A lot more than I had expected it to. I’d had it happen before, but really, I hadn’t expected him to just… leave. He was so caring and awkward but… Was he disgusted? Is that why he left? I knew he was Andrastian and pretty devoted… he prayed before every battle in the little shrine room. Why hadn’t I bothered to see what Andrastians thought of polyamory before this? Was this at odds with his beliefs? Was that why he-? 

I hadn’t realized I had started crying until Solas pulled me out of my chair and into his lap. He held me tightly and murmured in my ear. “Hush, ma’lath. Give him time to think.” 

Right. Time to think. This was big, a very big thing even when you _were_ expecting polyamory as an option.

“Oh. He-” I took a second to breathe. “He walked in here ready to…” Ready to ‘give me up’ for Solas. To back away. Because he had seen that as the only option, one or the other (and a self sacrificing puppy like him would of course-) and instead I had flung something completely new at him.

“Vin. Give him time to consider before you mourn. The Commander has a strong sense of what is noble, and where you are concerned, he will not take a leap such as this lightly.”

I let out a long, count of four, breath. “You are right.” a beat of four and then, “Don’t get used to me saying that.” an inhale of four. "There's still things I'd need to tell him before we even… things he'd have to consider before choosing."

Solas tensed and I shook my head. "Not your secrets, ma'lath. Mine. Well, not all of them. The ones that… would need to be said.”

He was quiet for a long moment. “I fear you are braver than I. I… almost did not tell you even with knowing you were accepting…” 

“I know.” I sighed and leaned back against him. “I… am not looking forward to it, but… I have to. There are some aspects about me that might… will, freak him out.” I blew out a sharp breath and leaned forward again. “Think about it later. Might be moot if he doesn’t want to…” My eyes fell on Cullen’s empty chair and the cloak still hanging on it. “He forgot his cloak.” 

“No matter his decision, I do not think he will begrudge you borrowing it until you can acquire a new one.” Solas said, and yeah, that sounded like Cullen. He’d dropped it on me before to keep me warm. 

“Yeah.”

“Have you considered allowing Terys to act as your fourth guard?” He asked out of the blue. 

“Um. He’s a bit busy with fixing Skyhold for me.” I responded immediately. Then after a moment’s thought added, “but if you want one of yours guarding me, that’s alright.” 

He hesitated, which meant he probably did, but then exhaled in amusement. “I do not think it would be wise to allow yet another agent near you. You tend to… test their loyalty.” 

“I don’t mean to.” I chewed on my lip and stared after the path Cullen had left on. Was he alright?

“And yet…” He pressed an amused kiss to the nape of my neck, drawing my attention back to him. “Let us return you to the Den. Jim has asked me to help him with his elvhen and you need to rest.” 

“I took a nap.” I protested.

“And used your magic on your gift for the Commander.” 

“Did I?” I frowned and twisted to look at him.

“I… assumed you were…” He paused and sighed. “I should not have assumed. I should have told you.”

“Damn it.” I may have pouted. “I need to-” 

I yelped in surprise when he suddenly stood up and picked me up in the same movement. He looked entirely too amused by the sound I had made.

“You can check on him...” He paused and lowered me enough that I could grab Cullen’s cloak and hug it to my chest. “Tomorrow.” 

“Ugh, fine. I’ll sit in on the elvhen lessons at least.” I rested my head against his shoulder as he started carrying me to the entrance. 

“Ma nuvenin.” He sounded pleased. 

Sa’nehn and Margaret followed us quietly down to the Den and went their ways with a quiet headbump each. Jim’s elvhen lessons turned into lessons for all of the kids and a few of the adults while Rasa hung off of Solas’ arm in demand for more magic lights. I listened to the lessons, well… tried to listen... but try as I might I could not get Cullen’s reaction… or lack of one out of my mind. He had been so nervous and then had left so abruptly. 

I was still fretting about it when I fell asleep in the Pack’s room and after pacing my dream scape for a little bit, I shifted into a wolf, and paced a little more, and then, when I found myself considering searching out Cullen’s dreams… went to check on the cured Tranquil instead. He needed time.

The more I practiced moving through dreams, the easier it was to find them. It was like… radio frequencies, all of them overlapped and existing in the same space, but easy to separate and ‘tune’ into. Andrew was fine and I left his dream as soon as I felt he wasn’t distressed. Prim was dreaming she was alone, walking in an endless field and radiating loneliness. I walked beside her and let her pet my fur until her dreaming mind conjured her own wolves to keep her company and her dream took on a peaceful aura.

The last one…

I shifted back into my elf shape and slipped into Felassan’s dreams warily. He was sitting in a dream version of the room he was staying in, practicing spells. He startled when I entered his dream space and scrambled to his feet, radiating fear, and held his hands up in a placating gesture. “I am behaving myself.” 

“I know. I was just checking on things.” I gave him a reassuring smile and reached for the threads to leave his dream, satisfied he was alright. He seemed fine, if nervous, probably because he was a dreamer himself. Hard to have nightmares when you know how to control them.

And… there were oddly far fewer spirits than I had half expected to meet. The games always made it seem like they were everywhere, sort of like spiders, but I had barely seen any. Was it because I didn’t want to? Or because I was a dreamer? Or because I tended to sleep near the Big Bad Wolf? Was the spirit population being decimated by the Rifts? And wasn’t that a terrible thought…

Solas was off doing Dread Wolf things so I couldn’t go bug him with questions. Instead I slipped into his dreamspace he kept built for me and him to meet in and wrote out the questions and stuck it prominently in the center of the table, fixing it in place like the pillow that rested on the stone chair still.

I went back to my own dream space and tried to practice shifting into an eagle. 

I had, yet again, made no progress when I was woken by ‘quiet’ children’s whispers.

“Ser Wolf says she needs all the sleep she can get because she uses all her magic.” That sounded like Jim.

“But if she wakes up we might get pancakes for breakfast.” Ellas whined quietly.

“I’m awake, fenlin.” I yawned and stretched and found that the mattresses were mostly empty. Jim and Ellas were tucked in close to me and speaking over my knees, and Maeva was sprawled out nearby with her head on Terys’ stomach and Terys was awake but watching the kids through half closed eyes, apparently content to stay comfortably in bed a while longer. 

“Pancakes?” Ellas said hopefully.

“Hmmm…” I pretended to think it over and both children sat up and gave me the most adorable puppy dog eyes. “Alright.” 

They gasped in delight and scrambled out of the nest, leaving me to follow after them at a more sedate pace. I emerged to find them bouncing by Saam and the cooking glyph. She huffed a laugh and started gathering the things needed to make simple pancakes as I made my way over. She greeted me with a gentle headbump and a smile. 

“On dhea, Tarlan’Fen. The pups say you want pancakes.”

“Oh do they?” I raised my eyebrows at the pair, who gave me mirrored innocent expressions. “Well… they’re right. This time.” I pointed at them warningly and they giggled and that was a lovely sound. I settled down by the cooking glyph to flip pancakes for Saam and try not to fret about Cullen. The pancakes were disappearing about as fast as I was taking them out of the pan and I resorted to shoving one directly into my mouth with a slight cooling spell so I didn’t burn myself. 

Of course, that was the moment that Haleir spoke up. “Who’s the man in the room?”

I pulled the pancake out of my mouth, chewed as quickly as I could, and swallowed, all with Haleir’s concerned eyes fixed on me. Finally, I could answer. “He’s a… guest. Sort of like the noble was? He’s here to keep him safe, but he isn’t pack.”

“Don’t trust him.” Jim said solemnly. “No pack secrets to guests.”

I pointed at him approvingly. “Exactly. He’ll be moving into the valley soon.” 

“Should… he eat breakfast with us first?” Haleir asked in concern. “It can’t be fun to stay in a room by yourself.”

I hesitated but nodded. He seemed pretty set on not causing trouble so far… And I wanted to encourage the kids to be empathetic. Haleir grinned and ran for the room before I could say anything more. Children… Loyalty helpfully stood and hung its head over their shoulder as they knocked on the door, protecting them. The door opened and Haleir said a few words in a cheerful tone, bouncing on their toes and reaching up to pet Loyalty’s muzzle. I heard Felassan’s voice indistinctly ask a question, and Haleir nodded.

It was a long moment before Felassan hesitantly stepped out of the room, long enough for me to go back to eating my pancake and to pull the next batch out of the pan and onto a plate, though I kept my eye on him. He glanced around and visibly startled when he saw me, then stifled a giggle behind his hand with a cough. Haleir said something earnestly to him and then skipped back towards me. They grabbed one of the pancakes off of the plate and I snapped my teeth at them playfully. They bared their own teeth back at me and did an absolutely adorable growl.

Felassan inhaled sharply and I looked over at him to see him staring at Haleir with an absolutely baffled expression. Loyalty let out an illusion of a huff and brushed past him to nudge my shoulder.

“You cannot have the pancakes.” I said, but pressed a kiss and a brush of mana to its nose. It did seem to be filling out a bit, looking a lot less gaunt than the first time I had seen it. Loyalty flicked its ear at me and moved to hang its head over Jim’s shoulder. I shovelled a pair of pancakes onto a plate and held it out to Felassan. He blinked at me in incomprehension and I wiggled the plate with raised eyebrows. “Breakfast?”

His hand was hesitant as it took the plate and he murmured a small, ‘Ma serannas.’ His eyes darted to the children then back to me, then to Saam, then back to me… it seemed pointed? 

I narrowed my eyes at him, fully ready to go on a rant about being polite to the non elf mortals, though it really shouldn’t be a problem with him of all elvhen. “Do you have a question?” 

“No, no.” He said quickly and after another glance over the pack at the table, sat on the floor as we all did. “None I'm stupid enough to voice anyway.” 

Fair enough. Maeva swung out of the pack room and sprawled out at the end of the table nearest me, snagging a pancake and eyeing Felassan curiously. “Guest?”

“Yeah. Longterm. Like Thom was before.” I shrugged one shoulder.

Maeva grunted and tossed him a wave before turning her attention to the pancakes. I could feel Felassan’s eyes on me the entire time I was cooking and speaking with my pack around hastily cooled pancakes, though whenever I looked at him, his eyes were fixed on his plate. I had pulled the last of the pancakes onto the plate when Terys finally shuffled out of the pack’s room.

I turned to face him and tease him about being the last up, but he had frozen and was staring at Felassan. He blinked and then gave me an urgent look. “Tarlan’Fen?”

“I know.” I pushed myself to my feet and handed him the last of the pancakes.

“But he-” He took the plate absently.

“I know, ma’fenlin.” I bumped his forehead. “I know. He’ll be _staying_ in the valley.” 

“Right…” Terys let out a sharp breath and actually rolled his eyes. “Of course. Does…?”

“Yes. He knows. Who do you think brought him here?” 

“And surprisingly, I am not dead. Again.” Felassan said dryly. Then let out a small giggle-laugh before his expression smoothed out. “Hello, Terys.”

Well, if I hadn’t already known Terys was Solas’ agent, I would have now. Loyalty made an irritated whickering sound. _It gets tangled sometimes._

“I know. Complicated.” I glanced around and frowned. “Where are Solas and Rage?”

“Rage is haunting the gardens.” Jim volunteered. 

“Ser Wolf is in the Rotunda, painting, I believe.” Lahnehn said as she came over from the pools with Rasa. Both of them had wet hair.

“Mack up dare?” Rasa asked pointing at the stairs as La’nehn led her by the hand to join us. She toddled over to my side and looked up at me with wide pleading eyes. “Go see, Peez, Mack?”

“Look at you with all your fancy words!” I hefted her up onto my hip and pulled the water from her hair with a spell. “Alright, pup, we’ll go see him. You’ll have to wait till the plaster dries before bothering him though.”

“I’ll let Amund and Thom know you’re ready to go up.” Lahnehn said cheerfully and walked back towards the pools. 

Rasa seemed to have finally found the new face, and asked the all important question, pointing at Felassan eagerly. “Mack? Gib?”

Felassan was staring at Rasa and me with his mouth open, his expression as stunned as if I had suddenly turned into a dragon or something in front of him. I hitched Rasa more comfortably on my hip, wondering what was so strange about a tiny woman holding a toddler. “Yes, pup. He has magic but-”

“Ite!” She crowed, holding her hand out in a ‘give me’ gesture. 

I sighed and conjured a light for her, but she frowned and made the grasping gesture to Felassan. “Ite! Peez?” 

Haleir nudged him when he didn’t seem to know what he was supposed to do. “She wants a light, Ser Wolf conjez it for us to play with.”

“Conjures.” Jim corrected before shoving a forkful of pancake into his mouth. "They feel different when different people make them."

"Ite! Mack ite?" Rasa asked loudly.

Felassan still looked like his brain had stalled and was having trouble rebooting. Jim pointed at him with his fork. "You either need to give her one or tell her no before she starts crying."

Felassan’s eyes darted from the toddler, to the children, then back to me before he put on a forced smile. "Well, I definitely don't want that to happen." He conjured a little green light and handed it to Rasa, who squealed delightedly and started examining it closely.

I poked her side. "What do you say, fenlin?"

She looked at Felassan over the green light and grinned. "Ma se’nnas!" 

Felassan smiled back with a baffled but delighted expression, but then glanced at me as if expecting to be reprimanded and then looked away, his expression smoothing into one of indifference. 

Wisdom pressed against my mind as she curled up on the warm edge of the cooking glyph. _He fears the silence, he fears returning to it._

"Nobody is going to make you tranquil." I blurted out. I didn't trust him, but I definitely didn't want him constantly terrified of that. "This isn't a circle. You’re not going to be mutilated if you step out of line.”

“I wasn’t in a circle!” He blurted out just as fast, then winced and stood like he wanted to run. “Ir abelas, ar dirthem i'tel sil.” _I’m sorry, I spoke without thought._

“Garahnen ea sonathe.” _All is well._ I grimaced _._ "Don't apologize. That won't be happening again. Sar’elgar ea eth." _Your spirit is safe._ I figured if the ancient elvhen showed up when he was distressed it might make him more comfortable to hear it.

“Ah,” he looked down and then up at the ceiling and actually looked like he was trying not to cry. “I… shall return to my… room? If that is alright?”

“Of course. If you want to go to the valley today, just let Loyalty know.” I nodded towards the bog unicorn. I had the impulse to hug him but I didn’t think he’d be alright with that. “It will take you down when you want.” 

He gave a short nod and glanced at Loyalty uncertainly. The children were all watching him with wide, concerned eyes. Haleir raised their hand hesitantly. “I can show you? There’s… tree houses and stuff.” They hesitated and then added earnestly. “No templars.” 

Felassan’s throat worked and he glanced from me to Haleir anxiously. I could see Thom and Amund approaching and I really needed to go check on Cullen. At this point, I was fairly certain Felassan was too terrified of being made tranquil again to do anything suspect. “He’s not pack, pup. Make sure you have a pack grown up with you if you do that.” 

Haleir nodded eagerly before jumping up and running over to where Terys was sitting, presumably to talk him into tagging along.

“Tarlan’Fen!” Aelon called from the stairway. “The Seekers will be approaching the gates within the hour. The Spymaster wants to know if you’ll be present when they arrive.” 

“It’s going to be one of those days then…” I closed my eyes and bumped Rasa’s forehead with mine, pulling a giggle from her. “I’ll be right up!” I called back.

“Your bag, my lady.” Thom said, holding up my knitting bag as he ruffled Ellas’ hair and came to stand by me. “And the Commander’s cloak.” 

“The day sits uneasy on you.” Amund said in his adorably cryptic manner as he dropped Cullen’s cloak onto my shoulders..

“It does.” I blew out a breath and glanced over the kids. “Saam, would you keep the kids down in the Den today? I don’t know what shape the Seekers will be in.” 

“Ma nuvenin.” She said, then clapped her hands to get the childrens’ attention. “Who wants to go play in the valley?” 

Rasa yanked on my tunic. “Mack?”

“Yes, love. Just for a few minutes.” I agreed. “Then you’re going to the valley with the others.” 

“Mack!” 

Felassan was staring at me like I had broken his brain again, but I didn’t have time to figure out what was going on there beyond the recently-cured-tranquil mood swings. Terys was holding Haleir’s hand and gave me a sharp nod. He had him. 

Right. I started for the stairway, but had barely reached it when Sa’nehn came dashing out of one of the rooms and grabbed me in a hug. I laughed and hugged him back. “I’ll be careful, fenlin. You rest and train, practice your stories.”

He flushed but nodded and let me go. I started up the stairs, only to, of course, be scooped up by Amund. Rasa shrieked in baby delight as I held onto her and we were both carried up the stairs. 

“Your pup that commands will be well.” Amund said easily we made our way up.

“I hope so.” I murmured. He had looked so… upset when he had left. He needed time, but I couldn’t help but fret. 

Amund set me down gently in the Rotunda, helpfully keeping his hands on my shoulders till I had caught my balance and readjusted Rasa, who looked around and then yelled in delight when she found Solas standing on the scaffolding. He was shirtless and covered in splatters of plaster, and utterly focused as he painted in the panel for Haven’s fall in deft, quick strokes. It looked like he was almost done, but watching him work was… fascinating. 

“Shh, pup. He’s painting.” I whispered. Rasa’s eyes grew wide and she pressed a chubby finger to her mouth and ‘shh’ed loudly. Then tried to eat the light in her hand. Gods, babies were adorable. 

Onhalla was there with a stack of papers, and I went through the questions she had, signing off on a few things, letting her use me as a sounding board for some of her own thoughts until she glanced over my shoulder and smiled and tucked her papers back under her arm. “I’ll go make sure the healers are expecting the Seekers and that you will personally set them on fire if they bleed anybody.”

I was so proud of her. 

Rasa wiggled excitedly. “Mack!”

I turned to see Solas pulling his tunic back on, the paint magically gone because of course it was. He finished relayering and bent to kiss me in greeting, conjuring a light for Rasa as he did.

She let out a delighted gasp. “Mack… bof!” Felassan’s light was in one hand and Solas’ in the other and she looked like her mind had just been blown with the possibilities of more than one light at a time. Solas frowned at the green light, obviously recognizing the source, but before he could ask, the Rotunda door flew open.

“Lady Wolf, the-” Miadahl gasped out as he stumbled in.

“Fen?” 

That was Kost. Kost was hurrying into the Rotunda, ducking through the door and his face crumpling in relief when he saw me. I passed Rasa to Solas and moved forward to let Kost grab me into a breath stealing hug, my feet actually coming off of the floor.

“I’m alright.” I said into his chest. “You’re back early.” 

“I got word about the Seekers and then right after that you had been stabbed.” He put me back on the ground and held me away from him by my shoulders, looking over me in concern. “Are you alright? What happened?” 

“Someone got upset I was protecting someone. I’m fine.” I lifted my tunic to show my stomach. “See? Not even a scar.” I dropped my tunic and smiled at him. “You didn’t have to rush back on my account.” 

He had the good grace to look slightly embarrassed. “It wasn’t just- I have… things to deal with before-” He paused and narrowed his eyes at me. “You’re teasing me.” 

“Of course I am.” 

“You’re alright?” 

“I am.”

“Still skinny.”

“I had a minor setback.” 

Solas made a slight scoffing noise behind me. “Minor.” 

Kost glanced over my head, then back at me, then blinked and looked back over my head with a stunned expression. “Solas?” 

“Inquisitor.” 

I twisted to see why Kost looked so shocked. Solas was standing easily with Rasa on his hip while she clapped her lights together experimentally. Kost cleared his throat and grinned. “She looks just like you.” 

Solas frowned, then his eyes widened and his ears flushed red. “Ah.” He looked uncomfortable for a moment before his eyes landed on Miadahl. “Would you return her to the Den?” 

Miadahl nodded and moved to take Rasa, who pouted at Solas in betrayal at handing her off so easily as he carried her through the hidden entrance. Kost gave Solas another amused look before turning his concern back onto me. “What happened?”

“A woman came to me, scared and asking for help. Her husband… got angry and then I had the wonderful idea to jump in front of his sword to protect my pup instead of putting up a barrier spell.” I winced. 

“What aren’t you telling me?” Kost narrowed his eyes and bent down so he was closer to eye level with me.

“Uh…” Being faced with a giant, protective qunari at that close of proximity was slightly intimidating. 

“She had asked the Spymaster and Ambassador for aid and they were unable to handle the matter before it escalated.” Solas supplied blandly. “The Commander dealt with the man as soon as he was able.” 

“Tattle tale.” I pointed at Kost when his expression darkened. “They tried, they will do better next time. Don’t be mad at them.”

“You can’t tell me what to do, I’m the Inquisitor.” He stuck his tongue out at me and I laughed.

“Won’t stop me. Now… how are you doing?”

His expression fell and he straightened and let go of my shoulders. “I… am glad to be out of there. We… took care of what we could and the Chargers are handling a few more things before heading to the Western Approach. The mines…” He closed his eyes and turned his head away. There was a fresh scar on his arm. 

“I’m sorry.” I murmured.

Kost sighed and shook his head., stepping back away from me. “We saved who we could. We’re searching for the bitch who sold them…”

“Bull should be able to find her fairly quickly.” I said thoughtfully.

Kost gave me an odd look. “The Iron Bull came back with me, left Krem in charge. After we deal with the Seekers, we’re heading to the Storm Coast.” 

“Already?” I murmured. 

“Of course you know.” Kost exhaled sharply. “What… advice do you have?”

“The Qun cannot be trusted. We are no more than things to them.” I said firmly. “His choice… his choice is important, life or death, freedom or betrayal, but the Qun offers you nothing.” 

“They’re offering an alliance.” 

“And you have to decide whether that is something you want to ally with.” 

“Do you know much of the Qun, Inquisitor?” Solas asked quietly as he came to stand next to me and offer me a cup of broth. Where did they keep pulling this stuff from? I accepted it and took a sip as Kost shook his head.

“Not much. I know my parents were Tal Vashoth, but they were killed while I was still young and I was raised by a human family.” He shrugged. “Even my group, they didn’t talk much about the Qun. Bull answers some of my questions but keeps saying he’s not here to convert.” 

“Ask him about the mages.” I drained the broth in one go and set the empty cup on the desk.

Kost grimaced. “I did.” Then he groaned and ran a hand over his face. “That’s my answer then.” He gave me a long look before a furrow appeared between his brows. “Why are you wearing Cullen’s cloak?”

“Um. Mine got ruined?” I wasn’t going to talk about the talk that didn’t happen until I knew more about what Cullen decided and thought. 

Speaking of, I really needed to check on him.

“I’ll get you a new one.” Kost frowned and reached out to run his fingers through the fur on Cullen’s cloak. “I didn’t realize how fluffy it is…” 

I snorted. Cullen could be very fluffy. And I was worried about him. I automatically reached for the stones to see if I could get a sense of him and frowned at the sense of something in the courtyard. Distress? “They’re here.” 

Solas’ hand touched my shoulder. “Telahna, ma’lath. Ar’an viral.” _Still, my love. We are going._

I closed myself off and found Kost watching me with a concerned expression and gave him a tense smile. “I think the Seekers are here.”

He nodded and after a moment’s pause, extended his elbow to me. I had to reach up a bit awkwardly, but I tucked my hand into the crook of his elbow and let him lead me out of the Rotunda and through the main hall. Solas was right behind my shoulder, and behind him, Amund and Thom. I felt… very, very small as we descended to the courtyard, surrounded by massive warriors. Aelon met us half way up and then rolled her eyes and headed back down, apparently having been coming to tell me the Seekers were here.

There was a wagon and a few mages were standing near it with the healers. Cassandra was clutching a large tome to her chest and scowling at one of the healers, though her expression fell to one of relief when she saw me and Kost. She moved towards us briskly and I saw her swallow thickly before speaking. “Inquisitor. Castellan. Thank you. There… It was as you said.” she directed to me.

“Is Daniel alright?” I asked softly.

Her eyes fluttered closed before she nodded. “Yes. We… arrived in time to save some of them, Daniel among them.” She straightened her shoulders and faced Kost. “The-”

“Take some time to rest. We can speak of it in the War Room after.” Kost interrupted her. “Rest. We will make sure they are cared for.”

She nodded in relief and strode off quickly and I started to drift towards the cart, pulling Kost with me unthinkingly. Seven. Four were being helped off on foot by the healers. Two were carried off on stretchers. The last one was sitting in the back of the cart to wait for one of the stretchers to come back, leaning against the side as if it took all of his strength for that much. I recognized him, even without the dark streaks of corruption. He looked gaunt, dark circles under his eyes, but alive. 

“Hello.” 

He opened his eyes halfway and looked at me, then gave a wan smile. “You must be Fen.” 

“I am. Is there anything I can do for you?”

He made a sound in his throat in the negative. “They’ll fix me up. Cassandra says…” His eyes slipped closed again. “Says you would ask that.” He let out a ghost of a laugh. 

“‘Tiny little elf with the spirit of a dragon. Small, fragile, so brave, certain. Have to wait, have to meet her. Breathe, drink. Stay alive. You’ll love her, always helping even when it hurts. Hurts, burning, cloying, so tired. Have to keep breathing.” Cole said and moved past me to lift a cup of water to Daniel’s mouth and help him drink.

Solas’ hand brushed over my arm comfortingly before he stepped closer to the cart bed. “If you agree, I might be able to ease some of your discomfort.”

Daniel made an agreeing noise. “Go ahead.” He sounded… utterly exhausted. 

Solas put his hand on Daniel’s chest and closed his eyes and I felt his magic reach out in a subtle, searching manner. Kost and I watched silently, anxiously, as the minutes ticked past until Cole suddenly whispered. “There.”

Solas’ magic flared and then Daniel relaxed suddenly as if in great relief. Solas stepped back and shook his hand out as if it pained him. Cole smiled and lifted the cup back to Daniel’s mouth. “That helped.” 

The healers came back with another stretcher and I moved back out of the way, sliding my hand out of Kost’s elbow to catch Solas’ arm and go on tiptoe to kiss his cheek in gratitude for helping. “Ma Serannas, vhenan.” 

Kost helped slide Daniel onto the stretcher and Cole moved off with the healers to help. Kost looked after them before glancing at me. “You…” He sighed and shook his head. “Would have been much better at being… Inquisitor than me.” 

I scoffed, then giggled, then laughed and shook my head. “Oh, love, I would be a _terrible_ Inquisitor. I’m too prone to arson.” 

Kost gave me a wary glance. “What did you do?”

I gave him an innocent expression. “I have never been convicted of anything.” 

Kost blinked and then laughed, “Oh, alright then.” 

I was relieved he was going with the joke instead of the… whatever that comment had been. I really would be a terrible Inquisitor, and he really was a good one. I reached for his arm, intending to reassure him when Cassandra suddenly came sprinting up.

“Inquisitor! The Commander is gone.” Her voice was panicked and she paused, glancing at me uneasily, and then added in a quiet rush. “His lyrium kit as well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D


	45. Chapter 45

‘The Commander is gone. His lyrium kit as well.’ 

“Knight-Captain Rylen says he left Skyhold in the middle of the night.” Cassandra said and the words seemed to echo in my head as my heart felt like it had stopped. What had I done? What was he-? I needed to find him. I needed to go after him. I felt my magic rear up in response to my stomach dropping fear and reached for the place inside me that ‘clicked’ into a wolf-

“Fen!” Solas placed his hands on either side of my face, his fingers ice cold and shocking. “Fen, ma’lath! Stop, think!” 

“I have to go after him.” I could hear my voice as if from a distance. 

“Take a horse.” He pleaded.

A horse. Yes. “Loyalty.”

“Yes. Go, pack. Choose your guard. _Think_.”

I nodded and turned on my heel and sprinted back to Skyhold. Food. Weapons? I didn’t know anything about that. 

Food. Potions. Loyalty. Saddle?

It felt like an eternity, my heart in my throat and my magic sparking at my fingertips. An eternity until I was dressed in travelling clothes, Cullen’s cloak wrapped around me and tied in place. Fenvir and Skinner were both coming with me, Fenvir because he was used to living in the wilds and Skinner to protect me. Both were small enough that they wouldn’t tire out the mortal mounts they had to ride. Loyalty could run until I was tired, but the long legged horses that Fenvir picked needed to breathe. 

Through the whole agonizingly long process of getting ready to go after Cullen, Solas was a steady, reassuring presence. He would keep an eye on the pack for me while I was gone. Onhalla and Saam would take care of the Den and Skyhold. 

Where had Cullen gone? Why had he gone? What was he doing? 

He had left Rylen in charge. Rylen said he was intending to return but…

Why had he taken the kit?

Why had he put it back together after breaking it?

Why had he taken it with him and left in the middle of the night?

It felt like an eternity until Kost was lifting me onto Loyalty’s back with a concerned expression. Solas had kissed me and held me tightly enough it hurt to breathe with a whispered caution to stop and think. 

Kost rested his hand on my leg as I arranged the reins how Skinner had taught me. “Are you sure you need to…?”

I nodded mutely. He had left in the middle of our dinner. ‘Have some things I need to attend to.’ He had left in the middle of the night, according to Rylen. This was my fault. I had to go after him. 

“How are you going to find him?”

I patted Loyalty’s neck in answer. Loyalty was sure it could track Cullen, though it was vague as to how.

Kost gave me a pained look and then took his hand off of my leg. “Alright. Be careful. Bring him home.” 

I nodded and then Loyalty took off. I wished it was a gallop, but horses couldn’t actually go long distances at a gallop. 

We rode until the horses needed to stop, which wasn’t until we were nearly down the mountain and the light was dimming. The roads Josephine had had made to Skyhold drastically cut down the time it took to reach Skyhold before. Fenvir made me sit by the warming glyph I set down, bundled tightly in Cullen’s cloak and eating the weird, thick bread that Skinner had handed me. It tasted like lard and stuck in my throat, but I ate it. Loyalty curled up like a massive dog around the warming glyph and I lay on it and pretended to sleep, box breathing the time away as Fenvir and Skinner took turns resting. Eventually I gave that up and just… breathed, closing my eyes and turning my attention inward, focusing on my aura, watching the way it flared and ebbed with my breath, the way it wisped out towards my spirits and back like a rain cycle. 

I wished that I was religious. I think praying might have helped. I wanted to pray he hadn’t taken the lyrium. I wanted to pray he was alright. I wanted to pray I hadn’t… I was probably giving myself too much credit. Cullen was a… complicated and traumatized man. 

But I wasn’t religious and instead I meditated until Fenvir shook my shoulder and we got back on the road.

My back and legs ached, twinges of pain shooting through them with every movement Loyalty made. Fenvir frowned at me when I hissed when Loyalty did a tiny jump over a log and I had to tighten my legs on it.

“Ma’Tarlan, ladara mar’lan. Sathan.” _My lady, heal yourself. Please._

I wanted to protest that I needed to build the muscles, but I also feared he would slow the pace if I didn’t. I pressed a healing spell to my own thighs and gritted my teeth through the pins and needles. It did help though. “Ma serannas, ma’fen’falon.” _My gratitude, my dear wolf friend._ I paused and added. “I ma?” _And you?_

He nodded and guided his horse close enough that I could lean over and press a healing spell to his leg. I held my hand up to Skinner, but she shook her head. And that was the last of the conversation, though I heard Skinner start humming now and then. Loyalty was quiet in my head. I could feel it extending out, following something I couldn’t sense. It was focused, and led us in a nearly straight line east.

Fenvir kept pressing food and drinks into my hands, though after a while I started conjuring ice to suck on to give myself something to do besides fret. I gave them to Fenvir and Skinner as well as conversation died around me fairly quickly. I was tense and silent and I felt… nauseous.

It was the next morning, after another sleepless night, before Loyalty stopped and lifted its head. The land had lowered into foot hills with lakes here and there. It looked familiar. Loyalty turned its head this way and that, then turned off of the road and headed towards a lake. As we drew closer I felt my breath catch. It looked different in the light, but… I recognized this. The lake near Honnleath. I stood up in the stirrups and looked and… there, by the half rotted pier.

Cullen.

I jumped off of Loyalty, nearly falling flat on my face, and then raced towards Cullen, ignoring the stiffness of my muscles. He startled when my feet hit the wood of the pier and turned towards me. “Fen? What in-?”

He cut off when I tackled him in a desperate hug and then sniffed, searching for the terrible ringing smell of lyrium on him. 

“Are you-? Did you-? Please tell me you didn’t.” I was crying, my voice hoarse and cracking from not using it. 

“Didn’t what?” His hand hesitantly went to my face and brushed a tear from my cheek. “Why are you out here?”

“The lyrium.” I twisted my fingers into his shirt. Where was his armor?

He froze, his fingers still against my cheek, then exhaled sharply. “Damn. I didn’t even think of what you… It’s in the lake.” 

It took a long moment for me to process that. “The lake?”

“Seems silly now.” He sounded embarrassed. “I… threw it in the lake.” 

“Oh thank gods.” I whimpered and half collapsed against him in utter relief, finally letting myself cry. “You left! You left and you didn’t say- and it was gone- and you left and I was so scared!”

“I’m sorry, love.” He half picked me up and moved so he was sitting on the pier, holding me close. “I didn’t think. Forgive me.” 

He let me cry it out and just… listen to his heartbeat against my ear. He was safe. He hadn’t relapsed. He was safe. 

He was safe. Each repeat in my head felt like healing.

Eventually I found my voice again. “Why?”

“I grew up not far from here.” he started and I found myself sinking into his arms as he started the familiar script. “The place was always quiet.”

“And your siblings were very loud.” I whispered into his shirt. “You would come here to clear your head.”

He huffed a wry laugh. “Yes. I would. They always found me eventually.” He paused and then his hand lifted and started petting my hair.

“You’re happy here.”

“I was. Still am.” Another hesitation and then he dropped his head and kissed the top of my head, slowly, as if afraid I would pull away. 

“The last time you were here was the day you left for Templar training.” 

He sighed. “Yes. And now… I am no longer a Templar.” Another kiss, soft and cautious and sweet enough to hurt. “I… kept the kit. Just in case. If it grew too bad. Too dangerous. If it was needed. But it was… just a temptation. Something to look at to… I tried to pretend it was a reminder of what I was distancing myself from, but it was just a leash waiting for me to pick it back up and give myself purpose.” 

He was quiet for a long time. “I have always lived a life of… service. It is what I… am. I… am good at following orders. Rules, duty… It is simpler for me. To give myself over to a greater purpose and… serve.” He made a mirthless chuckle that jostled me against his chest. “To follow blindly and well.”

“So you threw it in the lake.” It made… sense. “Put the leash down where you picked it up.”

“Exactly.” He sounded relieved that I understood. “For… a while I thought… to follow you.”

I stiffened and started to sit up to tell him what I thought of that, but he tightened his hold on me.

“Hush, love. I know better now. Vir’Fenes. I hear your people say it. The path of the wolf. To be walked on, but not… led down. You… will not put a more comfortable leash on me.”

There was a there and gone impulse to make a joke about that. But this was serious. “I was scared you would…” That he would take it. That he would leave forever. That he would be lost. “I was scared for you.” 

“Forgive me. I was…” He sighed and pressed another kiss to the top of my head and every time he did that I found myself hoping. “I walked into that room ready to… set aside my own desires to ensure you and Solas… I feared the both of you would hate me for my…” 

He shook his head. “My Mother once told me she would rather die than see our father with someone else and he would say the same, that they belonged to each other. Not only possessing but giving. And that…” he sighed, “they were happy together, just them, until…” ‘Until the blight’. He didn’t have to say it.

“That was what I thought I should want, one person that was mine alone, mine to hold and to love and be loved in a way now one else would ever know.” He pressed another kiss to my head. “I was… I didn’t understand how I could… could love someone and watch them be with someone else and be… alright. You loved Solas and that… he made you happy and I was… alright with that. I was glad you were happy with him.”

“I wanted your happiness and I was ready to give up my own… if you were happy… but instead you…” He trailed off. “I had never thought of such a thing as… possible before. Never- but you offered us both happiness and I couldn’t- I thought I should be jealous, the thought of having to share you, to see you with him but… I wasn’t. And I couldn't bear the thought of… saying no.”

“You left.” I said quietly. “I was worried that I… hurt you.” 

His arms tightened around me and I felt him press his cheek against my hair. “Forgive me, love. I… I wanted… I needed to be rid of it… it needed to be gone before I… broke the last of the Chantry’s rules.” he paused and pulled back enough for me to look up at him and his hand came up to cup the side of my face, his thumb wiping away some of the tears I had cried. “I didn’t want to go to you with it still in my shadow. If you will still have me?”

“Yes, absolutely. Yes.” I paused and then pulled away to look at his face. “But, Cullen, there’s some things I need to tell you about myself, things you need to know before we-”

“I know Fen isn’t your real name.” He said quietly. “The rest… whatever you were before, is past, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but-”

“Then let it be past.” He gently reached out and laid his hand against my cheek, his fingers nearly reaching the back of my neck. “You are Fen now. You are Castellan of Skyhold. Whoever- whatever you were before, it does not matter. What matters is who you are now.” He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. “You have remade yourself… helped others remake themselves and… Maker, I want… I want to be remade, I want to be better.”

Oh. “Oh, dharlin.” I sighed and brought my own hand up to his face. Again, he was prickly with stubble. “It’s… far more complicated than that. Some of it is…”

“Would you tell me if I asked?” He spoke suddenly, cutting me off.

“Of course.” What did he think I was trying to do?

“Then wait until I ask.” He said firmly. “I know that you were not always Fen, and I accept that.”

That… was fair. “If you’re sure. Any time, for any reason, ask and I’ll tell you.” I hesitated and then added. “Darling.” 

He shivered and leaned against my hand, turning his head to place a light, scratchy kiss to my wrist. “You should not…” he closed his eyes again. “Should not be out here.”

“I was worried.” I stroked the line of his cheek bone with my thumb. “And I needed to return your cloak.”

His eyes fluttered open and he gave me a mildly wondering look. “You… rode all the way out here for me.” He ran his thumb under my eye and his brow furrowed. “You look exhausted.”

“Couldn’t sleep since I found out you… left.” I admitted. “I’ll probably pass out the second I stop moving.”

He pulled back and glanced around and then frowned, standing and picking me up to set me on my feet gently. “We should go back to Skyhold. Maker’s breath, how did you even find me?”

“Loyalty.” I pointed at the undead horse, who had silently moved closer to wait. Fenvir and Skinner were standing with their own mounts next to Cullen’s charger, pretending they weren’t watching us. “Though if I had stopped to think for two seconds before charging after you, I probably would have been able to guess it would be here.” I impulsively tucked my arm around his waist and I felt his breath hitch before he rested his own arm around my shoulders. 

I was crashing, the relief of finding him well and without the lyrium draining me of the adrenaline that had been keeping me going. I leaned on him and didn’t bother trying to focus on the quiet words he exchanged with the others. 

I must have fallen asleep because I found myself faced with a massive spirit watching me avidly. It was one of the old, formless ones that looked vaguely humanoid in an afterimage sort of way, and it was an old, deep sort of desire.

“I am.” Its voice was an echo of a scottish singer I had heard once in a pub and had never heard again no matter how hard I searched. “You desire so many things.” 

I shrugged. I did desire a lot of things. 

“I desire too. I wish to touch the physical.” 

I waited to see what it would do.

It tilted its head. “You would accept me.” 

“As I did the others.” 

“Very well.” It paused and then laughed like a girl I had seen at the bus stop dressed in paint splattered cargo pants. “Not here, I think.”

It left and I woke up to Cullen’s apologetic voice as he nudged me awake. “We need to move, love.” 

He was safe. I smiled at him and reached up to run my fingers through his curls. They were loose and without his normal glue and very pretty. “Ina’lan’ehn.” _Beautiful._

He flushed, despite not knowing what I had said. “Come on, let’s get you to a proper bed.”

 _That_ woke me up. “Yes, let’s.”

His flush travelled further down his neck but he smiled and gently removed my fingers from his hair, pressing a furtive, scratchy kiss to the inside of my wrist before helping me stand up. I had apparently fallen asleep on Loyalty again and I sent it a brush of mana in thanks.

Fenvir cleared his throat and when I looked at him, he shoved a piece of the terrible bread into my hands. I grimaced but took a bite and Cullen frowned. “Why-?”

“She was in a hurry. It was that or nothing.” Skinner grumbled as she adjusted the saddle on her horse. “I hate that shit.” 

“S’rry.” I winced guiltily. 

She waved her hand dismissively. “Ah. Eating trail rations is better than the Chief on my ass for letting you run off on foot by yourself.”

I felt myself blush and glanced at Cullen, who was staring at me with his eyebrows raised. I swallowed and gave him a sheepish grin. “I panicked?”

He was still frowning and reached out to cup my cheek again. “You are still tired?” I nodded and he looked between me and Loyalty, blushing slightly. “You can… if you would like- ride with me? You could sleep without fear of falling.”

 _I do not mind._ Loyalty added.

I nodded. It took a bit of rearranging because even with how small I was, both of us couldn’t fit into the saddle, but Loyalty wasn’t a regular horse so we didn’t really have to worry about it spooking on us and it had filled out enough that riding it bareback wasn’t painful. But eventually, Cullen and I were on Loyalty, my back pressed to his chest and oh boy… this was going to get awkward fast. I could tell. 

Or fun, judging by the way his arm tightened around me when Loyalty started walking and I ended up moving against Cullen in all sorts of interesting ways. I tilted my head back against Cullen’s chest to smile at him. “This is going to be a long ride.” 

He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Yes.” 

Despite friction and the feel of his chest moving against me and the way his arm would flex and then deliberately relax around me, I had gone almost three days with minimal sleep and I was exhausted. I dozed off to the sound of Fenvir and Skinner talking in relieved tones to each other. When I was jostled back awake, the scenery had changed and the sun was somewhere mid afternoonish. Cullen was humming absently. It was a song I didn’t know, but I didn’t know most Thedas songs. 

I straightened and grimaced at the feeling of my back popping at the movement. Cullen stopped humming, unfortunately.

“Are you alright?”

“Mmhmm.” I nodded. “You have a very pretty singing voice.” 

He laughed. “You have heard me sing?”

“Just once. An Andrastian hymn.” That reminded me… “I… don’t actually know what Andrastians believe about polyamory.”

“Polyamory?”

“Having more than one lover at a time.” 

He huffed a laugh. “You have a word for the oddest, most specific of things.” 

“I know eight different words for specific types of love.”

“Really? Eight?” He sounded fascinated.

“Agape, eros, philia, philautia, storge, pragma, ludus, mania.” I listed off, ticking each one on my fingers. “Unconditional, romantic, affectionate, self, familiar, enduring, playful, obsessive.” 

“I think I would need you to write them down for me to remember them. What of platonic?”

“That is more a description of a type of relationship. A platonic relationship can be of two people with Philia, affectionate love. But philia can exist in a romantic relationship too.” 

He was silent for a long moment before he huffed again. “I need a chart. I… like the idea of it, however.” Another pause and then he added, in a more serious tone. “The Chantry says that marriage should be between two people and only two, for life. But… I have gone over every bit of the Chant of Light that I can remember, recited every passage I knew on my journey to the lake, and never once is it mentioned.” 

“Andraste was Alammarri.” I said absently.

“She was? What… does that mean?”

“Oh, the Alammarri don’t marry for life. They marry for a handful of years, and then go their separate ways. If they wish for more years, they remarry.”

He made a thoughtful noise in this throat and fell silent. I conjured a chunk of ice to chew on absently. Eventually he asked, “Are you… Andrastian?”

I shook my head. “I’m not anything really. I know too many gods and don’t trust any of them.” 

“Gods? Plural?”

“Mmhmm. Many things can exist at the same time. But… I try to be respectful of people’s faiths. Respectful of their faith while also wary of religious organizations that abuse people’s faith for power.”

His arm tensed around me before he murmured. “Again you say things so… clearly. I hadn’t quite figured it out in my head, but there it is. I can have my faith and yet separate myself from the wrongs of the Chantry.”

“I’m proud of you, by the way.”

I was pressed right against him so I felt his sudden hitch of breath and the way his hips twitched against me. I filed that little incident away in the corner of my mind right next to wearing the pink thing and his cloak. He sounded bewildered when he spoke. “Me?”

“For throwing the lyrium away. For trying to do what you know is right. For being so strong.” I said quietly. 

He tensed. “You… thought I _had_ taken it.”

“Cullen.” I twisted to try and look at his face. “I came after you because I know that a lot of terrible things have happened to you, and you were distressed when you left the table. I came after you because I feared you might in a low moment, not because I thought you had already given in. I came because I hoped to give you support, something else to hold onto.” 

He sighed and pressed his nose to my hair and just breathed for a moment, before pressing another kiss to my head. “Thank you.” 

The trip passed much, much more pleasantly than before. I was relieved, and Cullen was alright, and we would lapse between quiet conversation and comfortable silence, though sometimes he would exhale shakily when I shifted too intently against him. I was a bit distracted by that bit of contact, so it took me a while to realize we were moving off of the road and towards a house as evening fell.

Fenvir moved closer to us as a man approached from the house, a simple sword in his hand. I felt Cullen tense at the sight of him.

“We have no money here. Be on your way.” The man said sharply.

“We are not bandits. I am Commander Rutherford of the Inquisition. I’m looking for-”

“Cullen Stanton Rutherford!” An obviously pregnant woman shouted and stormed out of the house. “Do you know how many years it has been since we got a letter from you? And then you just show up unannounced with...” She trailed off as her eyes fell on me. “With a woman?”

“Oh my gods, did you bring me to meet your family?” I whispered in shock.

Cullen tensed against my back. “Yes?”


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for panic attacks, awkwardness, and some... idk what to call it, but Cullen being angsty and self loathing...

Apparently Cullen hadn’t known his sister Mia had married. Or was pregnant. And she hadn’t known for sure he was alive. He hadn’t actually brought me to meet the family. Leliana had told him they had suddenly moved back to Honnleath about six years ago and he had only stopped in order to make sure I had a proper meal and night’s rest before heading back to Skyhold and didn’t that just sum up his personality? 

She was torn between literally cooing over me being wrapped in Cullen’s cloak and in his lap and scolding her brother for never writing and only visiting because I was exhausted. I may or may not have been sporting a delighted grin the entire time. Cullen normally was only this stuttering around me.

Eventually, she scolded him off of Loyalty and he lifted me to the ground for proper introductions, though the second my feet touched the ground she let out a little gasp. “Maker’s breath you’re tiny! His babies would kill you!”

Cullen made a strangled sound in his throat that sounded like he had choked on Mia’s name, but I just laughed. “Oh, I’m aware. I absolutely do  _ not _ have childbearing hips.” I stuck my hand out of Cullen’s cloak. “I’m Fenenansal, but most call me Fen. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

She shook my hand carefully, like she was afraid to break it, which was a fair thought because height apparently ran in the Rutherford family. “A pleasure to meet you as well. I’m Mia, that’s my husband Geordi.” She gestured to the man that had greeted us with the sword.

Fenvir and Skinner both moved closer to me, holding the reins of their horses loosely. I gestured at them. “These are Fenvir and Skinner, my guards and friends.” 

“Guards?” Mia frowned.

“She is the Castellan of Skyhold, where the Inquisition is based, as well as the Lady of Vir’Fenes.” Fenvir spoke up.

I shot him a dry look. “If you all would stop sticking titles onto me, that would be great.”

“Trouble.” Skinner said. 

“That one I deserve.” I admitted. 

Mia laughed and there was a bit of confusion with the horses, because Loyalty was apparently terrifying to the average person and horse and they didn’t quite believe me when I said it wouldn’t run away if they left it out of the pasture so it didn't spook their plow horses. Eventually, we were inside the house and Cullen seemed dazed and uncomfortable and quiet, but gave me a soft smile when I rested my hand on his arm to check on him. 

Geordi rode off to let the other siblings know Cullen was there, even though Cullen protested that we needed to leave first thing in the morning to get back to our duties. He was quickly overridden by Mia, who made a maternal clucking noise when I took Cullen’s cloak off and hung it by the door and ushered me into the kitchen and sat me down with a glass of whole milk and a thick slice of bread with butter and did everyone have the instinct to fatten me up? Not that I was complaining. Also, I was really happy I could consume dairy without consequences. 

“You are not leaving this house until all of your family has had a chance to see you properly, Maker knows when we’ll ever get the chance to see you again.” She moved to the stove and started slicing up a cabbage, “Do you like cabbage stew? I put meat into mine.”

“Oh, I love it.” I answered. “Saam makes it every few days with potatoes.” I wondered if postcards had been invented yet and if Varric would help me patent that if not. Cullen was hovering awkwardly and I smiled at him bracingly. “Either help or sit down, dharlin.” 

Mia looked over at us and grinned delightedly before shoving a pot at Cullen. “Go fill this up for me, the well is behind the house.”

“Very well.” He said in exasperation but took the pot and headed for the door.

Mia waited until the door was closed before turning to frown at me. “How is he? Really? Last I heard from him was…”

“He’s doing better.” I said quickly, not really wanting to go into detail. “I’ve been doing what I can to take care of him. He’s an amazing Commander and I don't know what they’d do without him.”

Mia sighed in relief, before shaking her head and turning back to slice the cabbage. “Ever since he joined those… templars, it’s like I have just been waiting for a letter informing me he’s gone. He never does anything halfway.”

I took a deep gulp of milk. No, he really didn’t. “He left the Templars.” I wasn’t sure if that was my thing to tell her… but he said it to everyone who called him Knight-Captain so it didn’t seem like too much of an invasion of privacy.

Mia stared at the cabbage thoughtfully before sighing. “I’m… relieved and yet… that was everything he ever wanted.” 

That wasn’t exactly true… but it wasn’t my place to say it.

Skinner seemed antsy being in a ‘shem’ house (I think she learned the word from Dalish and adopted it with a vengeance) and took off with the excuse that she was going to make sure the perimeter was safe. Fenvir stood against a wall and somehow made himself unobtrusive enough that Mia seemed to forget he was there. Handy skill to have. I needed to learn it. 

As it was, I enjoyed getting to know Cullen’s sister, though she didn’t let me help cook at all. She was a force of nature, typical oldest sister, and I loved her. Cullen brought back the pot filled with water, then left and came back with a pair of pails of water and set them near the stove to warm and I liked where that seemed to be going. He disappeared out the door again and a minute later I heard wood being chopped. 

Mia gave a fond but exasperated glance out the door. “Some things never change.” 

“Avoiding difficult conversations by staying busy?” 

Mia laughed. “If he had the slightest inkling Mama was angry at him, he would have a full winter's worth of wood chopped and stacked before she was even out of bed.”

“He moved an entire army through the Frostbacks in record time to avoid me after accidentally making me cry.” I snorted in amusement. 

“I did not.” Cullen protested, half in the door with firewood in his arms. “It was vital to reach Skyhold before we-“ He shook his head and huffed before moving to stack the wood in a box by the stove. 

“So I didn’t have to ambush you on the wall in the middle of the night to get you to start speaking to me again?” I asked over the brim of the milk glass with wide, overly innocent eyes. 

He flushed and cleared his throat. “I had duties to attend to.” 

Heh. ‘Attend’. “I wonder if the pack will start calling you Ser Dharlin like they call Solas Ser Wolf.” 

Cullen frowned in momentary confusion before his eyes widened and he rubbed the back of his neck and glanced out the door as if considering running back outside. “Maker’s breath, Fen.” 

“Oh, I like her.” Mia laughed. “I don’t think I’ve heard you use anything close to profanity since the cow stepped on your foot as a boy.”

I gasped. “You can answer a question for me!”

“No. No, she can’t.” Cullen said quickly.

“You don’t even know what she’s going to ask me.” Mia put a hand over her heart as if shocked.

“Something… embarrassing I have no doubt.” He threw his hands up in surrender. 

“I was just going to ask if you were legally allowed to say-”

“Please don’t.” Cullen covered his face with both of his hands. 

Mia grinned and set aside the knife to go grab Cullen in a tight hug. “I missed you.” 

He was still for a very long moment before he slowly returned the hug, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. “And I you.” 

I busied myself with my milk and bread to give them a semblance of privacy. 

Privacy that did not last long as hoofbeats could be heard approaching from outside. Fenvir slipped off of the wall and went to the door to peer outside, then relaxed. “Skinner said Geordi has returned with others, Tarlan’Fen.” He said softly before returning to his place against the wall. 

I stood and went over to wrap my arm around Cullen’s waist as he suddenly looked very nervous. There was loud stomping at the door, and then the kitchen was swarmed by very tall people and good gods, I thought I was used to how large humans were but it was a little overwhelming with them all crowded into one room, jostling each other and talking loudly and reaching out and looming and-

I didn’t realize I had started panicking until Cullen suddenly picked me up and carried me out the door, setting me down in the open air and kneeling in front of me.

“Count of four, love. Breathe on the count of four just like you taught me.” He said softly and I focused on his eyes as he counted me through the breathing until I could swallow around my pulse.

I shivered and then leaned forward and hugged him around the neck. “Sorry. I just… am small.” 

“And were recently run through by a shem.” Skinner added from beside me and oh, yeah… that was a thing that had happened. 

Cullen’s arms tightened around me. “They wouldn’t-”

“I know, dharlin.” I said. “I know they wouldn’t, but sometimes the mind doesn’t remember to think that far.” 

Branson had reached for Cullen’s arm over my head, a brotherly gesture, but also similar to how the noble had grabbed me. It made sense, and I felt better knowing why I had panicked. “I know what it was now. I’ll be alright.” I whispered. “We can go back in.”

Cullen pulled back to study my face. “Are you certain?” At my nod he slowly stood up and hesitated before offering me his hand, smiling when I took it readily. 

Skinner gave me a considering glance before stepping aside to let Cullen lead me back inside. Fenvir was in front of the doorway, facing the others, as if he had been keeping them from following us. He gave me the same considering glance before moving away, and then I was back inside the kitchen, though Cullen pointedly left the door open. Rosalie and Branson’s wife were in a corner playing with the baby, Geordi was absent, Mia was at the stove, and Branson was sitting at the table with his shoulders hunched. He looked like a dog that had been scolded for chewing on the furniture, really. So that ran in the family apparently.

He looked up when Cullen and I came in and gave me a timid, apologetic smile. “Forgive me, Fen. I hadn’t meant to frighten you.” He didn’t get up but instead extended his hand while seated that way we were eye to almost eye. “I am Branson, or Bran. Cullen’s younger brother.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” I took his hand and tried not to react to how his dwarfed mine. “And it’s alright, I just… had a bad experience recently that made me jumpy.” 

Branson nodded carefully. As if he was afraid the slightest movement would send me running again. “I’m sorry for that.” He looked at the table and then gave me another smile. “Tea?”

Puppy. “Yes, please.” 

He gave me a bright smile and then slowly stood and moved to the stove with Mia. I poked Cullen’s arm and murmured. “Well, that runs in the family.”

“What does?”

“Dharlin.” 

Cullen coughed and flushed. “Please don’t call him that.”

“Oh, I won’t. Ma ea ma’sa’dharlin.”  _ You are my one puppy. _ I patted his arm. 

He turned a brighter red but smiled, even though I doubted he knew exactly what I had said. Rosalie cautiously came over to me, the baby on her hip. “Hi, I’m Rosi.”

She was tall too, though she looked a little shaky, slightly pale and glassy eyed like she had a fever, or had taken something. A quick inhale brought the scent of something bitter and herbal, so I would bet it was something she had taken. 

“Hi, Rosi, and-” I’m not ashamed to admit my voice dropped into that register reserved for cute babies and kittens. “Hello there, da’len.”

The baby was blonde haired and had wide, brown eyes, and they were chewing steadily on their fingers. “Edart’s teething so he’s a bit fussy.” Rosi said apologetically. 

“Oh, I have just the thing for that.” I picked up one of the spoons that had been laid on the table and iced it over with a bit of magic before handing it to the baby, who turned it over curiously before sticking it in his mouth and gnawing delightedly.

I heard a gasp and I looked up to find everyone had frozen, their eyes wide. I looked over at Mia, whose eyes were wary… but not on me. It took me a moment to realize that not only her eyes but Branson's as well were on Cullen. Wary and searching. An apology for using magic without warning was on the tip of my tongue when Mia spoke. "No longer a Templar?"

Cullen’s hand went to my shoulder protectively as he positioned his body between me and his family. His shoulders were tense. “No… Fen is… that is no longer my life.” He looked down at me for a moment before looking back at his family, setting his jaw. “I left the order.”

I poked him in the side and whispered. "Relax."

He immediately unclenched his jaw, but stayed protectively tense, even though his siblings were watching him instead of me and Branson had subtly moved within arms reach of- Oh! 

Rosi. I glanced at her, feverish and shaky from whatever she had taken, and she had still been so young when he left… She caught the unspoken question in my eyes and gave the slightest shake of her head. He didn't know she was a mage.

I poked Cullen again. “Dharlin, they’re more worried for me than of me. Big ex-templar, little mage.” 

Cullen looked down at me and blinked as if that had not occurred to him and he looked back up at Mia and then Branson. “I… she is in no danger. I am not a templar any longer… and I wouldn’t hurt her.”

Cullen looked crushed by their sudden wariness of him and I saw him swallow. I was mentally kicking myself for using the magic and bringing this up. If he didn’t know about Rosi… they had been hiding it from him for a long time. Time for a subject change?

Subject change seemed nice… I yawned before I could think of anything though, and Cullen’s attention immediately shifted to me. “You should sit down and eat.”

“I’ve been sitting.” I protested, but yeah, I was tired still.

“Riding a horse is not sitting.”

Which… point. “I am sitting down, but only because I want to.” 

“Thank you.” Cullen said dryly. He led me over to one of the chairs against the wall and knelt in front of me to pull off my boots… which was sweet but the frown on his face told me he was troubled.

“Hey,” I whispered and placed my hand on his cheek to get him to look at my face. 

He sighed and leaned against my hand slightly. “This was a terrible idea, forgive me. We… we’ll leave at first light.”

“It wasn’t a terrible idea as long as I get a bath out of it.” I said softly and ran my thumb over his cheekbone. “And maybe you can shave so I can kiss you without breaking out.”

He still looked troubled but huffed softly. “I’ll see what I can do.” It was a very big clue how troubled he was that that was the extent of his reaction.

I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead and whispered. “All is well, love. It’s been so long, you all need to relearn each other. Blood can still become strangers.”

He leaned into the contact before nodding slightly and pulling away, taking my boots and setting them beside the stove. I looked up to see Mia watching us with her hands clasped over her heart in the universal ‘aww’ gesture. Rosi had given Edart back to his mother and was serving stew into bowls a little clumsily. The conversation was cautious as we all ate, but I couldn’t find the energy to keep track of it or brighten it up. I did eat three bowls of stew because after days of trail rations it tasted like heaven, so that was nice, but then I almost fell asleep into the third, which wasn’t so nice.

Cullen chuckled as he reached over and took my spoon from my hand and set it in the bowl. “You need to wash then sleep.” 

“Mmhmm.” I nodded and pushed back from the table. Then stopped in sleepy confusion. “I… don’t know where to go for either of those. This isn’t my Den.” 

Mia stood and came over to take my hand. “Oh come with me, I already had Geordi fill the bath. Cullen can make use of it when you are through.”

I let her lead me away by the hand to a side room and there was indeed a tub in it, one of the old fashioned tin tubs. There was a stool next to it with soap and a towel. Mia was talking and it took me a moment to focus.

“-any clothes your size, I’m afraid. I don’t know if you brought any, it looked like you packed pretty lightly.”

“I didn’t pack anything. W’s in a hurry.” I shrugged and started unlacing my tunic.

“I have a robe you can use. I can wash your clothes before bed, but they won’t be dry by morning.”

I wiggled my fingers before pulling my tunic off. “Magic.”

She paused and asked carefully, “Will he allow you to?”

“Allow me to what?” 

“Use your magic.”

I paused and glanced over my shoulder at her. She was staring at the door with a concerned expression. 

“He’s not my keeper, not my templar. I love him, but he does not own me. He is a better man than you think.” I paused and slid out of my leggings, which were rank, as I added. “A better man than he was.” 

Mia sighed and nodded, holding out a hand to help me into the tub. “You are too thin.”

“I know. I worked myself too hard after Haven fell, then got stabbed and-” I made a fluttering gesture to indicate my present condition. 

She tisked and motioned for me to sit and began wetting and washing my hair, which didn’t take long, but her fingers massaging my scalp felt heavenly.

“I won’t tell him about her.” I said quietly as I sank lower into the water. I was small enough that I could fit into the tub fairly easily. “And I’ll do my best to make sure the Spymaster doesn’t try to use it against you all.”

Her fingers stilled. “About what?”

“You know. I won’t say it out loud, even now. Not my secret.” 

Mia was quiet for a moment before she handed me a cloth to wash with. “It is her decision.” 

“Exactly.” It felt amazing to get clean after so many days on the road. I was definitely listing though, having to lean against Mia to get out of the tub. She dropped her robe over my shoulders before surprising me by pulling me into a hug.

“You are good for him.” She whispered. “Thank you for bringing him home.”

“I didn’t.” I murmured sleepily. “I just chased after him because he’s terrible at writing to let people know he’s alright.”

“That he is.” She made that tsking noise again and then I was being guided out of the side room and to another and then I was being tucked into a real bed. A big, soft… empty bed.

I caught her wrist as she started to pull away. “Don’ let him make me sleep alone, please?”

Her face softened, “I won’t.” 

She disappeared and the room took on the green, hazy tint of the fade’s reflection of the room I was in. I tentatively reached out and called. “Solas?” Nothing too demanding, just enough to let him know I was dreaming, if he was asleep.

A heartbeat later, Solas was walking into the room and sliding into the bed with me to gather me up tightly into his lap. I curled up happily against him and sighed. “I’m an idiot sometimes.”

He made a noncommittal hum. “I would have put it more tactfully. Perhaps as: you feel very strongly.”

“That I do. And… you had a back seat ride to all of that. Ir abelas.” I sighed and sneakily willed his shirt away so I was skin on skin. 

He hummed approvingly. “Is the commander with you?”

“He is. He is alright, just as much of a dramatic dumbass as I am. We are at his family’s home right now so I could sleep properly before travelling back. He’s trying to take care of me.” 

“No small task.” Solas chuckled.

“I am offended.” I said without heat and pressed a kiss to his collarbone. I had just gone on a dramatic, sleepless journey down the mountains, only on horseback instead of as a wolf because he had asked. I could admit to needing some minding.

He groaned, curling tighter around me. “I am tempted, but for the fact I would not be able to see your Commander’s reaction to your writhing against him in your sleep.”

Oh, now wasn’t that a fun thought? I started to move, but he just held me fast against him easily. 

“Not tonight, ma’lath. I do not wish to be interrupted if he wakes you.” He bit lightly at the point of my ear, sending a jolt of heat through me, and that was so not fair. “When I take you again, it will be an extended affair.” Another nip and his hand splayed over my hip teasingly. “I intend to take my time to make up for the days lost to us due to… dramatics.” 

“Anticipation.” I sang and deliberately ground my butt down on his lap, drawing another groan from him.

“Yes.” He put a very enticing growl into the word, then nipped my ear again before changing the subject. “The Inquisitor has left for the Storm Coast with The Iron Bull. He… talked with me at length about my views on the Qun and seemed… disgusted by it, though he said he would still go to meet with them.”

“Good.”

“Good?”

“He has to go if The Iron Bull has a chance to leave.” 

“You care for him.”

“I care for a lot of people. But yes. I know he can be free, and I want it for him.”

“Ma’nas.” I felt his approval and fondness as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “The Lady Vivienne was… irate over not having been here to avoid the ‘Incident’-” He was definitely making fun of her tone. “-in the courtyard, and has decided to take out her wrath upon Mother Giselle, who made the unfortunate mistake of trying to find an ally with her against you.”

Oh, now  _ that _ was going to be interesting.

“It is… entertaining. They sniped at each other with perfect civility.” Solas informed me with delight. I didn’t understand his enjoyment of verbal sparring, but I was glad he was getting his entertainment. 

“Dance with me?” He asked suddenly.

“Ma nuvenin.” I huffed and slid off of his lap to stand. He shifted the fade to give us a flat space and began to lead me in a simple dance, patiently correcting me when I stumbled. He radiated contented delight the whole time.

He updated me on all the little things that had happened while I was gone, scattering teasing kisses and touches throughout. Sera and Dagna were beginning to flirt with each other. Jim manifested and was training with Fiona now. It had been an easy, simple thing. He practiced and tried until he managed to conjure his own light. I was going to bake him a cake when I returned. Solas had marked the date on my behalf, which I was grateful for. 

Rasa had grown another tooth. Dorian had gone with Kost to the Coast. The fruit saplings for the Valley had arrived and were growing quickly. The Seekers were recovering, and Cassandra was desperate to speak with me apparently. Oh boy. I know what that was going to be about… Fiona had also asked for protection for another Tranquil woman, and Lahnehn had accepted. Her name was Katerina.

We talked, dancing together to random songs I pulled from my memory, until Solas’ head tilted and he sighed. “My attention is needed elsewhere.”

I stood up on tip toe to press a kiss to the line of his jaw. “Alright. Till next time.”

He smiled and kissed me properly. “Until next time.” He lifted my hand to kiss the knuckles, his tongue darting out slightly in a tease, and left to go do Wolfy things, and I lay back in bed and realized that I had forgotten to ask my fade questions about spirits. Damn it. 

I began playing with the frequencies of the dreams around me, trying to just… brush over them and get an emotion from the dream instead of walking into it. I wanted to be able to check on the cured tranquil without invading their dreams, to just check in and only step in if they were distressed. 

The frequencies around me were… staticky? Like a radio not tuned in all the way. I figured it was because they were non mages. One of them was worse than the others, but it felt… sick. I was fairly certain that Rosi had taken magebane or something to try and dampen her aura before meeting her templar brother, so that might be her. One of the frequencies was familiar. Cullen. And he was distressed. Badly.

I grasped the thread of his dream and slipped into it with a yank. He was dreaming he was back in the circle with the demons. I checked, but there were none, so I moved to kneel in front of him and put my hands on his face, directing his attention to me. “Cullen. You are safe.  _ Wake up _ .”

His dream dissipated quickly as he woke, but then I felt myself wrenched awake suddenly. Cullen had thrown me to the other side of the bed, probably off of himself. He was panting, his shirt sticking to him with sweat, and his eyes clenched shut.

“Dharlin, it’s alright. You’re safe.” I was wary about reaching out to touch him just yet. There was a little brazier nearby with a small flame in it, enough for me to see him clearly.

He shook his head and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, then leaned forward, cradling his head in his hands. I waited until his breathing calmed a little before asking. “Is it okay to touch you?”

“Forgive me, I…” he sighed and nodded. “Yes.” 

I reached out and gently rubbed his back, and when he didn’t flinch, moved forward to lean against him, but did not hold on so he could move away quickly. “Hey. It was a dream. It’s alright.”

He breathed deeply and leaned back slightly as if craving the contact. “I thought… I had hoped I was getting better.”

“Recovery isn’t linear, love. It doesn’t happen in a straight line, I mean.” I pressed a careful kiss to the back of his neck. “You are getting better, and a nightmare does not mean it’s getting worse.”

He ran a hand through his hair, it was sweat soaked and curling into rings. “I- I was back there again… it’s always the same. I expect them but I can’t… they shouldn’t affect me.”

“You weren’t back there again, you were simply remembering. It happens.” I paused and added. “Like I did when Branson reached over me. The mind remembers what we’ve survived.” 

He nodded and turned, raising his arm over my head, so he could hold me. I curled against his chest as he breathed into my hair. “You always seem to know what to say.” He murmured, his arms gently squeezing me like a bony teddy bear. He huffed lightly, his thumb running over a patch of skin on my arm. “Even in my dreams.” 

“I’m glad I can help, even if it’s just waking you up.” I said, acutely aware that I was only wearing a robe that had come undone during the night. 

His hand stilled on my arm and his breathing changed slightly. “You… woke me up… in my dream?”

Oh shit. “Yes? I wasn’t trying to be nosy or anything, I just felt you were distressed and came in to wake you up.” 

He didn’t say anything for a moment and I carefully leaned back to look at him. His eyes were closed but he looked like he was thinking… intently. Finally he opened his eyes to look down at me and asked carefully, like he didn’t know if he was allowed. “Can… mages do that?” 

And… I had apparently guessed the wrong part of that question to be worried about. “Oh… Um. Not most of them. I’m… I guess it’s called a dreamer?” 

His fingers tightened slightly before they relaxed almost instantly. “Dreamers are…” he closed his eyes and took several deep breaths before continuing. “We were told dreamers hardly ever live past their manifestation. Never their harrowing.” He opened his eyes and looked at me and I saw… worry, deep worry for me in his eyes. “You… Maker, Vivienne wanted… I could have lost you.”

I… hadn’t even considered that. I carefully, slowly enough he could stop me if he wanted, put my hand on his face. He had shaved. “I’m not… exactly sure what is common knowledge or… normal or anything, I wasn’t Circle trained. But… I can tell when I’m dreaming, I can shape my dreams and the dreams of other mages, and I can enter dreams and wake people up.” I carefully added. “I’ve... always been able to tell when I’m facing a spirit, and haven’t had trouble dealing with them. I’m…” I exhaled, feeling at a loss, because trauma plus feelings plus propaganda… what do I say? “This is one of the things I was going to tell you at the lake, by the way.”

He sighed and pressed his forehead against mine, closing his eyes and just breathing. We stayed like that for a moment until he asked. “I’ve dreamed of you before… you and Solas right before I would wake from a nightmare. Was that…?”

“I...” Huh, this was awkward. “I felt you dreaming about me, but I didn’t know… what it meant. It felt like I was being called, so I followed, cautiously of course, and found your dream. But after it turned bad we woke you up. The next… that’s why I came to check on you the next morning.” 

He huffed and his arms tightened around me again and he dropped his head into the crook of my neck. “You make me question and challenge everything I was taught.” Good. He suddenly tensed. “Solas was there as well?” 

Awkward. Very, very awkward… “Um. Yeah. he’s been teaching me about dreams and…” I trailed off and realized. “He’s a dreamer too. I actually just… woke up from speaking with him.” It wasn't exactly common knowledge that he was, but it wasn’t… hidden knowledge. People just didn’t think past the ‘exploring the fade’ bit.

Cullen pulled back and was frowning in thought, his eyes a little distant. “He’s… I think he has woken me before. It… ever since the breach. I was incredibly confused as to why I was dreaming of him.”

Huh. “He’s sneakily caring like that.” I didn’t really know what else to say to that because this was news to me as well. 

He looked at me and looked panicked, “If he… he’s known. This whole time he has known of my…” he blushed very dark, “Maker’s breath.” 

I shrugged a shoulder, accidentally knocking the collar of the oversized robe off of it. “He did say he’d been aware and accepting for some time.” I couldn’t resist asking. “So uh… any good dreams?”

I hadn’t thought it possible for him to turn any darker red. Even as his eyes fell to my shoulder, and then down to where I was sitting in his lap. He swallowed thickly and nodded before looking away in obvious embarrassment. “Forgive me, I… they are not… were not...”

Probably wanting to apologize or something adorkably sweet like that. “Want to show me one?” 

He swallowed again and looked away.his voice coming out in a croak. “No… I… it…” he was stammering, obviously embarrassed. “I…” he sighed and shook his head. “It's not like… what you think.”

“I have no assumptions, but love, it’s alright. We don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, or rush. I’m a shameless tease, but all you have to do is say something, and I will stop, without judgment.”

“I like it when you tease.” He said quickly, then closed his eyes as if he hadn’t meant to blurt that out. “I meant… it is something I admire? About you. The… confidence?” He shifted uncomfortably under me and then blurted out. “What would you… want? From me? Anything.” 

I couldn't help a laugh. "Oh, dharlin, you can't say that to someone like me. I would eat you alive." I bared my teeth playfully at him and was not prepared for the way his pupils blew wide and he inhaled shakily, his hold on me tightening. 

"Anything." He breathed.

Oh. That reaction plus his reaction to my praise plus the way he leaned into my touch plus a hundred other little things suddenly added up. I moved so I was straddling his thighs and grinned at him as I slung my wrists over his shoulders. It was a bit of a stretch to sit like this, but worth it for the hitch in his breath and the way his hands rested gently on my hips. "You might be a Commander out there, but in bed you're a lost little puppy and I'm the wolf that has caught your scent." I kissed his chin, and though his lips parted, he didn’t duck for a proper kiss, instead tilting his head to give me access to his throat and letting me do as I wanted. “And I would like to eat you up.” I lightly, ever so lightly, scraped my teeth against his jaw.

His hips bucked up against me and he clenched his eyes shut with a breathy, "fuck."

"Oh dharlin, you're going to be a treat." I whispered and kissed his forehead gently. That was a hell of a reaction to get his first ‘fuck’ out of him with just a bit of teeth. I realized that while the dim light was plenty for me to see by, it might not be for his human eyes. "Tell me what you see."

"You. The fire makes your eyes shine." He answered without hesitation.

"Good." The praise drew another shiver from him and I considered my words carefully as I smoothed my fingers over the nape of his neck. In a world that glorified domination, this was probably touchy for him. "I like to be assertive in bed, but I need you to know that we can stop at any time, for any reason, and I will not be upset or disappointed in you. Can you promise me you will tell me if we need to stop or slow down?"

He swallowed and looked at me in disbelieving awe. “You- you are not… dis-“ he cut himself off and looked away, and I could see a flicker of shame in his eyes. 

“Cullen, ma’dharlin, I am  _ delighted _ by this.” I put my hand on the side of his face to guide his gaze back to my eyes. “There is nothing to be ashamed of.” 

He studied my eyes before sighing and leaning into my hand. “If you say so.”

“I do. But dharlin, I asked a question and I need an answer.” I definitely wasn’t going for anything kinky before we had had a chance to talk about boundaries and all of that, but I still needed the consent to be clear.

He frowned and seemed to be thinking back over my words. After a moment, I saw realization cross his face. “Oh. Yes.”

“‘Yes’ what?”

“Milady?” He said with a quirk of his mouth that was immediately swallowed by a blush. “Forgive me, I-”

“Was teasing. I approve.” I interrupted him gently. “But it’s important to me that you let me know you understand that nothing has to happen if you don’t want it. That I will always stop if you want me to, and I will not be upset or disappointed in you if that happens. That even if you never felt comfortable being intimate with me, I would still love you and be happy with you.”

“I want to!” He blurted out, his hands gripping my hips and pulling me slightly towards him, then immediately relaxing with an apologetic stroke of his thumbs to my waist. “I… I understand. You have my word I will… say if it is… if I am uncomfortable.”

It was faltering but earnest. I smiled at him. “On dharlin.”

“What does ‘on’ mean?” His eyes had dropped to my mouth.

“I said ‘good puppy’. Ma’on’dharlin.” His breath hitched again and I touched my lower lip with my tongue and his fingers lifted slightly from my hips before settling back in place. “You shaved for me.”

“You don’t like the scratch.” He said quietly. After a moment of visible wavering, he added. “And you said you would kiss me if I did.”

“I would love to kiss you, darling.” 

He exhaled shakily before tilting his head to kiss me, softly, tentatively. I returned it, slowly deepening it, learning the taste of him and savoring the hitched whimper that a touch of my tongue to his lip earned. He opened to let me in, and his hands slid up to my lower back to pull me fully against him as I explored and enjoyed myself. He was hard and his heart was racing but a sudden smell of salt had me pulling away, and though he tried to follow, his eyes were clenched shut and he was crying.

“Cullen? What’s wrong. Look at me, love.” I wiped a tear from his cheek with my thumb and he turned his head into my hand but didn’t open his eyes.

“It’s too…” He shivered. “It’s too perfect. I’m… I’m afraid if I open my eyes I will wake up. Again. I’m afraid to wake up again.” 

Oh sweetheart… I probably shouldn’t have pushed so soon after he woke up from a nightmare. I reached down and pulled one of his hands up, and pressed it over my chest. “Do you feel that, love? It’s my heart beat. I’m here. You’re here. We are awake, this is real.”

His fingers twitched over my heart and he leaned forward, pressing his forehead to my shoulder and taking shuddering breaths. “I’m sorry.”

“Tel’abelas, love.” I cautiously carded my fingers through his hair. “It’s alright. We’re awake. This is real, and it’s alright. Do you want to learn a trick for telling if you are dreaming?” 

He stilled and then nodded against my shoulder.

“Count your fingers. When you’re dreaming you have trouble counting, or you will end up with fewer or more than ten fingers.” At least I hoped that still applied to Thedas dreams... 

He hesitated and then I felt his fingers twitch against me, one after another, before he exhaled in relief. “Ten.” 

“Ten. We’re awake.” He was definitely not in the mood anymore and I shifted back on his thighs. “Hey, you want to lay down?”

Cullen nodded hesitantly against my shoulder and then we slowly shifted so we were laying on our sides, him curled around me with his hand still pressed to my chest. His pulse slowly eased until it was back to a steady rate. Eventually he spoke again. “I’m sorry… I…” 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” I said firmly, pressing his hand against my chest. “But if you want to talk about it, I will listen.” 

He sighed and curled tighter around me. “I shouldn’t have brought you here. My family is-“ he shook his head. “I feel like a stranger… have I changed so much?”

“Change happens.” I said softly. “Constantly, always. Most of the time without us noticing until it’s suddenly staring us in the face. Mia wants you to be happy.” 

He huffed wryly. “I’m not very good at that, apparently.” 

“Few people are, honestly.”

He suddenly rolled away from me and I turned over to see him laying on his back with his hand over his face. “Everything- I am presented with… everything I’ve… ever desired, even… even the utterly impossible, and… I get frightened.” He scoffed. “Maker, I’m a mess.” Then quieter. “You deserve better.” 

“Dharlin-”

“No. I-” He scrambled out of the bed and started pacing in tight lines in front of it. I sat up and wrapped the robe more securely around myself as I watched him in concern.

“I went to a whore, in Kirkwall.” He spat, though quietly. “One rumored to… specialize in… men like me. I wanted… Maker forgive me, I wanted to know there were other people like me, that wanted what I want.” 

Oh no. That couldn’t have ended well.

He stopped pacing and his head dropped back. It felt like he was… confessing. Either that or trying to push me away before I could reject him. Or both. 

“She… tried to hurt me. Then grew irritated when I wanted her to stop. Threw me out and told me not to waste her time.” He laughed mirthlessly. “I can’t even be weak the right way.” 

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” 

He startled and looked at me in shock. “Sorry for…?”

“I’m sorry she tried to hurt you. I’m sorry you were made to feel like you were weak. I’m sorry you felt so alone.” 

Cullen swallowed and shook his head without breaking eye contact with me. “You… can’t-“ He looked like he was about to cry again. “How can you say things so…?” He couldn’t finish speaking before tears were falling and he scrubbed at his eyes in frustration. “I can’t… Maker, I’m a mess.”

“I know. It’s alright.” I said softly. “Cullen… I’m not going to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you. What you like is not wrong or weak or impossible.”

He looked miserable, and tense, and like… like he half expected me to throw him out.

“Dharlin, lay down.” I moved over and patted the empty space beside me. “Face down.” 

He tensed, his eyes flicking a little to the left, then obeyed with an air of resignation. I waited until he was laying down, his face resting on his folded arms before asking, “May I touch you?”

“Yes?” He sounded… disbelieving. Like he hadn’t really expected me to want to.

I carefully moved to sit across his lower back and dug my thumbs into the tense muscle on either side of his spine, pulling a shocked whine from him. “Relax, dharlin.” 

He let out a long breath and forced himself to relax, and I could count to four between his breaths as I started working at the knots in his back and trying to think of how to help. I had reached the base of his shoulder blades when I thought I knew where to start. 

“Cullen. You know how I have oddly specific words for the strangest things?”

“Yes?”

“I have words for… this. Words, and meanings, and experience, because there are a lot of people who like different things.”

I wasn’t quite prepared for the sudden way he went limp and let out a raggedly relieved breath. “You have a word for... me.”

“Yes. A soft sub. Someone to be petted and praised and pampered.” I punctuated my words with drawing a firm line down the muscles of his back with my fists. 

He huffed a soft laugh, and I was happy to hear the sound. “You make me sound like a…”

“A puppy?” 

“Oh.” He was quiet for a moment before tentatively asking. “You started calling me puppy after…”

“Shortly after you sat on the wall when I told you to.” I admitted. “I like to take care of people, and there is nothing more enticing than a big man willing to do what I tell him so I can make him feel good.” 

I was back to working on his shoulders when he spoke again, his voice muffled by his arms and near sleep. “I was tempted with… this. In Kinloch. It said… what I wanted was impossible and the only way to… That no one would ever...”

Oh, Cullen… “It isn’t impossible. You are awake, this is real. I am happy with you.” I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the nape of his neck. “Thank you for telling me. Rest, love. You are safe.” 

I laid down across his back and petted his drying curls until he fell asleep. 


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there be smut! if smut be not your thing, just skip from the asterisks to the asterisks

Cullen was fast asleep and it smelled like dawn. (Don’t ask me what dawn smells like, it just… smells like dawn.) I carefully eased off of him and wrapped the robe securely around myself and went in search of my clothes. Fenvir was asleep against the door, and woke when I opened it. I frowned at him, but stepped out of the room and closed the door before starting to scold him.

“You should be in a bed.” I whispered.

“I was, then I switched with Skinner.” Fenvir said lightly, apparently an easy riser. He stood and stretched. “She was concerned after the big one frightened you, and I knew you would be upset if I let her stay awake all night.” 

That… was true. “She is surprisingly protective.” 

“You tend to bring that out in people.” He said in a tone that seemed to say that he was including himself in the statement, but was baffled by it nonetheless.

I rolled my eyes and picked my way through the house quietly. Branson and his wife (darn it I needed her name still) were sleeping on a pile of blankets by the kitchen fire, and Rosi was sleeping curled up nearby with Edart. I assumed Mia and Geordi were in another bedroom. My clothes, as well as three other sets that looked like Fenvir, Skinner, and Cullen’s, were hanging by the fire. I picked my way over and silently pulled the water from them, then pulled my clothes and Cullen’s down and tucked them under my arm. Fenvir took his and we split ways to dress. I hung the robe on a peg that looked suitable, put Cullen’s clothes neatly folded on the chair by the bed that had his belt and boots, and when I went back out, Edart was stirring, sitting up and his face screwing up like he was about to wail. 

I quickly moved and scooped him up and tiptoed to the door. He blinked at me with wide brown eyes and chewed on his fingers as I carried him outside.

“Let’s let mamae sleep a bit longer, da’len.” I whispered and settled on the grass outside. “How about a song?”

It took a bit of focus, but I conjured a little light on the ends of my fingers and Edart grinned delightedly as I wiggled them and started singing. “Five little ducks went out one day, over the hills and far away. Mama duck called with a ‘quack, quack, quack’ and four little ducks came waddling back!” I dismissed one of the lights.

Edart was fascinated, giggling and grabbing at my hand as I sang, then growing wide eyed and solemn when I reached the last verse and switched to a mournful tone. “Sad mama duck went out one day, over the hills and far away…” Edart’s lip wobbled. “Sad mama duck called with a ‘quack, quack… quack?’” I inhaled and then reconjured all five lights and finished in a happy tone. “Five little ducks came waddling back!”

He flailed his arms happily with a baby squeal and tried to grab at the lights.

“You use magic so easily.” Rosi’s voice startled me.

I turned to find her watching me with a wistful expression. I gave her a smile. “It’s part of me.”

“I mean…” She hesitated and glanced back at the house. “Without fear.” 

I stood up and propped Edart on my hip. “The Inquisition has allied with the Free Mages, so there are plenty of teachers and no Circles at Skyhold. I also have a safe place, hidden from people who don’t like magic. It’s safe, and me and mine live freely.” I shrugged one shoulder. “We take in as many mages as we can, so they can learn and be safe.” I hesitated and added. “Cullen is the only ex templar I allow into it. I don’t let any of the active templars near my people.”

“You can just… not allow them?” She asked hesitantly.

“I am what is known as a ‘chaotic punk’. I get my way, mostly by arson.” 

Rosi rolled her eyes. “Right.”

“Oh hun, I mean literally. I set the prison lock on fire to break someone out.” I wiggled my fingers with a sharp grin. “And marched into the Inquisition council while on fire... Not my brightest moment, but it worked.”

Rosi hugged herself and rocked on her heels before blurting out. “We had to move out of the South Reach because I lost control of a storm spell and the neighbors saw the lightning.”

“I’m sorry.” 

She chewed on her lip for a moment. “Would… the mages at Skyhold teach me?”

“Yes, they would. And I wouldn’t let the templars near you.”

She stared down at the ground. “I don’t… want to lose control like that again and hurt my family.” She rocked on her heels again before straightening and looking me in the eye with a very familiar determined set to her jaw. “I want to go with you. I can clean and cook and sew. I’ll find work.”

“If that is what you want.” I said softly.

She wavered, but nodded. “I want to learn. And… it’s not a circle. When I- after I learn I can come back home. Right?”

“Of course, and I would set fire to anyone who tried to stop you.” 

She laughed a short exhale of a laugh. “Alright. I’ll hold you to that.” She hugged herself again and then tilted her head towards the door. “I’m going to ride back and… gather my things.”

And leave me to tell her siblings. “You Rutherfords are very similar at times.” I commented dryly.

She blushed and hurried away and I was smacked lightly in the face by a sticky baby hand. Edart wanted the lights back. I poked his belly and sat back down to sing the duck song again, with the lights. It was three more repeats before a shadow fell over me, and I looked up to see Cullen watching me with a wistful expression. 

“You are good with children.” He said softly. 

“I used to earn money by minding them when I was younger.” I smiled up at him. “On dhea, dharlin.” 

He flushed slightly and I realized he probably only recognized ‘good’ and ‘puppy’. I hefted myself back to my feet and stood on tiptoe, tilting my face up towards him expectantly. He still had to bend down so I could kiss him softly on the lips, and didn’t hesitate once he realized what I wanted. It was sweet and I definitely had a satisfied smile on my face when the kiss ended. 

“Rosi is coming to Skyhold with us.” I said without preamble.

Cullen startled and stared at me for a long moment. “Why?”

“Because she wants to.” I gave him a bright, innocent smile and his eyes narrowed before he sighed, apparently accepting that was all he was getting from me.

“Skyhold will be different for her.” He sighed. “I do not believe she has ever traveled much.”

“Well, it’ll be good for her to go somewhere where there’s people to for her to turn to for help if she needs it.”

Cullen blinked and then gave a slight smile. “That… is a comforting way of thinking about it, yes.”

“I’m full of wisdom and dumbassery both.” I said smugly, then winced and glanced at Edart. “Don’t tell your mama I said that in front of you, yes?” 

Cullen laughed and tentatively reached out to ruffle Edart’s curls. “They’re awake inside. Mia started breakfast. Geordi and Branson are packing food for us to take with them, they won’t allow me to refuse.”

“You left some coin under the pillows, didn’t you?” 

He blushed and looked away. “Um.”

“I approve of your sneaky ways.” I patted his arm and moved to go inside. 

He caught my upper arm and then just as quickly his hand dropped to his side. “Fen… about last night…” He trailed off uncertainly. “I… am sorry.”

I turned back to face him. “Cullen. It really, truly, is alright. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. Do you remember the question I asked you?”

He flushed and then nodded hesitantly. 

“What did I say about how I would react if you needed to stop?”

He did a subtle spine straighten like a soldier about to recite, then looked away. “That you would not be upset or disappointed.” 

“Exactly.” I said gently. “We can try again when and if you want.”

“I do! Want.” Cullen blurted out, then ran a hand over his face. 

“That’s good, because I want you too.”

He lifted his face out of his hand and looked at me intently… Edart chose that moment to start blowing spit bubbles, and Cullen blushed and looked away. “We… uh, shouldn’t… talk? Not in front of…” 

“Right. Mustn't corrupt the youth.” I laughed. “Let’s have breakfast and talk with your family, we can probably find a quiet spot on the way back to Skyhold to… ‘talk’.”

He smiled tentatively and nodded and we went back inside together. The morning was a bustle of activity, Cullen trying to both help with the farm chores as well as prepare for our journey home. I pretty much stayed out of the way in a corner and fed myself and Edart a thick porridge with cream and dried berries. I did not feel like getting stepped on accidentally while trying to help. (Also, Cullen relayed that Rosi was going with them and it sparked a loud argument that had me clinging to the wall and only eased when Fenvir loudly suggested they take it outside. Bless the wolf.)

I did learn Branson’s wife was named Earnest, which was such a cute name, and taught her the duck song, without the lights of course.

All in all, the sun was pretty high in the sky by the time Rosi had returned with an old plow horse saddled and with packs on the back, loud goodbyes were exchanged, and promises to make Cullen write more than once a decade were wrangled from me. Mia also shoved one of Rosi’s old cloaks into my arms and insisted that I keep it. It did fit a lot better than Cullen’s cloak, though I was a bit sad to give it back to him. It was very fluffy. I thanked her profusely for the gift however, and it was nice to see Cullen back in his trademark cloak. 

Mia held Cullen tightly in a hug for a long time before letting him go and gave Rosi the same treatment. I could see her watching us ride away with her hand over her heart in concern. I had given her a few vague words to let her know that I would be protecting Rosi, but I understood she was still going to be worried for her little mage sister riding off for the first time. 

Rosi was quiet and pale for the first few hours of the ride, her eyes flicking to Cullen nervously. Cullen was quiet and uncomfortable, his eyes flicking to his little sister, who was practically a stranger to him. I rode between them because neither of them were being subtle about wanting me as a buffer. Fenvir and Skinner both seemed happy to be back on the road and would ride ahead and back every now and then to keep an eye out for trouble. 

I eventually grew bored and conjured ice to chew on. I offered Cullen a piece, who took it easily enough, then offered Rosi a piece. She hesitated, glancing at Cullen, but took it. “That is an interesting spell.”

“Thanks. It’s just a minor ice spike spell. You just slow the flow of magic way, way down and use a lot less. Ice spike, but in your hand instead of half a room away.”

“I thought you preferred fire spells.” Cullen said thoughtfully.

“I do, they’re easier for me, more natural, but I’m very practical.” I waved the icicle. “If I can conjure ice at will, I never have to worry about running out of water, or not having the supplies to treat a burn.” 

Rosi pulled the icicle from her mouth with a furrow between her brow. “I had never thought of magic being used for anything besides battle.” 

“That’s because that was all the mages were allowed to use it for, fighting on behalf of the Chantry, so that was all that was taught. But magic is a tool. Just like a dagger can kill, it can also cut meat and vegetables or be used to carve art or a hundred other things. My pack uses fire glyphs to cook food and heat baths, we use light spells to grow food and light the Den. Creation spells to grow trees and barrier spells to protect the chicken coops from predators. I think Prim has started using entropy magic in order to speed up the process of creating compost.” 

“What…” Rosi glanced at Cullen again before asking. “What about storm spells?”

“Well… to be honest Solas is the only one who is really skilled with Storm magic in my Den so you’d have to ask him for more uses. He uses it mostly for healing and sex.”

“What?” Cullen sounded aghast.

I grinned at him. “A carefully controlled lightning arc can restart a stopped heart. And a very small shock of lightning to your bits can feel amazing.” 

Rosi coughed, and then started giggling, red faced. “You… you use-” She had to look away before continuing through her blush. “You can use magic in… that?”

“Oh, definitely. Fire spells to warm your fingers up, ice spells to shock, a bit of storm for a pleasant buzz.”

“Can we talk about anything else? Please?” Cullen asked plaintively. He was just as red faced as Rosi. “She’s my… sister.” 

I laughed. “Alright. I’ll save the sex talk for when we’re out of earshot.”

We fell into a much less awkward silence, chewing on ice as we rode. Eventually Cullen spoke softly. “The Chant says that magic is to serve man. I can’t help but wonder… if that was what it truly meant.”

“Transfigurations, right? I think it calls magic the Maker’s gift.” I tentatively added.

He mulled that over. “The Maker’s gift, yes. You use it in every aspect of your life, and make things easier and better for everyone around you.”

“My magic does not control me, I control it.” 

“Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him. Foul and corrupt are they who have taken His gift and turned it against His children.” Cullen quoted thoughtfully.

“Aren’t spirits called the Maker’s first children?”

Cullen startled and looked at me in shock. “Yes… I believe so.”

“So… please keep in mind I don’t really know much about this, but couldn’t that passage possibly be interpreted as, ‘magic is a gift to be used, but cursed are those who bind spirits’?”

“I… never thought of that.” He said distantly. “It… makes a certain amount of sense. I will have to think on it.” 

He lapsed into thoughtful silence, his gaze fixed ahead and his lips moving every now and then as if quoting things to himself. I glanced at Rosi to find her staring at me with her mouth open. She blinked and turned away when she noticed I was looking at her.

Alright then. 

Fenvir handed out biscuits with preserves for our lunch, which we ate on the go as we really did need to get back to Skyhold. I was humming brightly, in a much better mood than the last time I had been riding, and practicing exchanging emotions through magic with Loyalty. It said that with practice I would eventually be able to refine the intent until I could speak in accepting minds like it did.

Distantly, I heard Rosi whisper. “Is she alright?”

Fenvir answered just as quietly. “She is using her magic, that is all.” 

“That doesn’t… bother you?” She asked hesitantly.

“It… is unsettling at times, but no.” Cullen said carefully. “I am growing accustomed to her… unique magic use.” 

There was a long silence, during which I managed to convey the impression of a joke, but not the joke itself yet, to Loyalty, before Rosi spoke. “I’m a mage.” 

“Oh.” 

I blinked my way back to full awareness at Cullen’s stunned tone and glanced between them. Rosi looked pale and nervous and Cullen looked… shocked. ”You-?” He cut himself off and sat silently stunned for a moment before he eventually cleared his throat. “The… mages at Skyhold would be happy to teach you how to use your… gift.” 

Rosi abruptly teared up and Culen looked panicked as she scrubbed at her eyes.

“I… Rosalie, I’m sorry. Did- did I say something? If I-?”

“No, no. I’m just… do you know how long I’ve been scared of you finding out? I took magebane and- You- you’re a Templar and- And then I just blurt it out to you and you just… accept it.” She let out a slightly hysterical, watery laugh. “I… I feel like all of that- all of that fear was for nothing!”

Cullen looked crushed again, but looked down at the reins in his hands before setting his jaw and pulling his charger to a halt and dismounting. He went to the side of her horse and held out a hand. “Would you… come down for a moment?”

Rosi hesitated but slid off of the horse, and then Cullen was hugging her tightly, pressing a small kiss to her hair. Rosi started crying into his shoulder and I could see him swallowing hard and trying not to cry himself. He had probably realized that his family had been terrified of him coming back and taking Rosi away to a circle. If not outright killing her for being an apostate. “You… had every right to fear me, before.” He said quietly, his tone pained. “You are safe, Rosi. You are safe.” 

I felt intrusive again and focused on braiding Loyalty’s mane as the siblings had a long overdue talk. Fenvir and Skinner probably figured we would get any further that day and began dismounting and setting up camp. Which was an unfortunately short process as we had all taken off from Skyhold with minimal supplies. I busied myself by laying wards around the camp to warn off animals and conjuring and melting ice in a bowl for the horses.

Cullen and Rosi ended up walking together for almost two hours, I didn’t mind, the two had years of catching up and fears to work through. I helped Fenvir warm up the stew and bread Mia had sent with us and ate. After a bit, I snuck off into some nearby bushes and shifted to my wolf form and started nosing around, wanting to stretch the muscles and form a bit. (Turns out, it’s actually a lot easier to pee outdoors in a canine form than an elf one.)

I followed a few interesting smells, and ended up finding a treasure. A stream cutting through some of the rock formations and creating a nice, naturally secluded place. A few wards and it would be perfect. For uh. Reasons. 

By the time I shifted back and returned to camp, Skinner had started pacing anxiously, and Cullen was sitting next to Rosi, though his eyes were trained on the direction I was approaching from. Both Skinner and Cullen relaxed when they saw me.

“There you are. Was getting worried that a wolf had found you.” Skinner sighed.

“Oh, hun, I  _ am _ the big bad wolf.” I laughed. “I’ve a lot more to worry about from humans than other wolves.”

Fenvir snorted and handed me a biscuit.

“Ma serannas.” I thanked him, then took a bite and spoke around it. “‘Sides, I didn’t catch any trace of wolves around here.” 

Rosi and Cullen both looked tentatively happy and relieved, though Cullen kept giving his little sister guilty glances. 

Loyalty laid down on the ground and I settled against his side. “I found a stream back that way that’s hidden by some rocks.” I gestured with my thumb.

Fenvir nodded. “We can bring the horses by there before we leave tomorrow to drink.”

The conversation picked up slowly, first with Rosi asking me to teach her the ice spell, then Cullen and her awkwardly getting to know each other. It was adorable. I struck up a conversation with Fenvir about the trees in the valley before Skinner looked up from her dagger sharpening.

“You have any stories?”

I blinked at her. “What?”

“Stories. You have those songs from wherever you’re from, how about a story?” She refocused on her whetstone in studied casualness.

“Oh. Um. I mean, most of the stories I know are… simple?”

“I would like to hear one.” Cullen said softly.

Well… alright then. I sighed. “Fine.” I eyed Cullen, back in his red cloak, and grinned. I could edit it a little. He had said that he enjoyed it when I teased.

“Once upon a time, there was a boy. His mother made him a fine red cloak and he wore it always and so he was called Red Riding Hood.”

Cullen glanced down at his cloak and then gave me a quizzical look.

“One day he was travelling to see his grandmother when the big hungry wolf found him on the path. ‘Where are you off to, little one?’ The wolf asked with hungry eyes and sharp teeth. ‘To my grandmother’s. She lives in the cottage at the foot of the mountain.’ Red Riding Hood said. ‘With empty hands? Surely not! You should stop and pick her flowers!’ So Red Riding Hood agreed and stopped to pick some flowers, and while he tarried on the path, the wolf ran ahead all the way to the cottage at the foot of the mountain.”

I was a little surprised at how the others were listening so intently. I had never considered myself the best of storytellers.

“The wolf went into the cottage and found the grandmother’s things, and pulled the grandmother’s hat down over her head and climbed into the bed and pulled the blankets up to her nose and waited, for she was a tricky, hungry wolf and loved to play.” Okay, I was seriously editing the story for my own amusement. “Red Riding Hood came to the cottage and knocked, and the wolf called out, ‘come in!’. Red Riding Hood came in and asked in surprise, ‘why, what a big voice you have.’ ‘All the better to speak to you with, my dear.’ The wolf said.”

“‘My! What big ears you have!’ Red Riding Hood said. ‘All the Better to hear you with, darling.’ The wolf answered slyly.” Cullen’s eyes flicked to my ears and he blushed, letting me know that this was  _ not _ lost on him. I grinned. “‘And your eyes! How large and shining!’ And the wolf grinned. ‘All the better to see you with, little one.’ ‘And what large teeth you have!’” 

I paused and Cullen’s eyes dropped to my mouth. “‘All the better to  _ eat you with _ !’ the wolf snarled and leaped from the bed and ate Red Riding Hood. All. Up.” I bared my teeth playfully at Cullen and felt a thrill when his pupils blew wide and he swallowed. 

“That’s how it ends?” Skinner asked in confusion.

“Well, there are different ways it could go on, but I’m not sure my version is appropriate for certain company.” I answered slyly. 

“Oh!” Rosi suddenly gasped and then flushed crimson with a glance at her brother. “Oh. You. um. Oh.” 

I stood and brushed off my leggings. “Would you care to walk with me, dharlin?”

“Yes.” Cullen said quickly and stood, then flushed further when Skinner made a noise of realization and then began snickering.

Oh, he was adorable. 

I grinned at him and started walking away from the camp and back towards the stream I had found earlier. He fell into step beside me with a slightly nervous spring to his step. “Did you like the story, dharlin?” 

He cleared his throat. “Um. Yes. It was… unique. Not subtle. You were teasing me.” 

I laughed. “I definitely was.” I slid my hand into his. “But if you-”

“I want. You.” Cullen interrupted me. “Maker, I do. And I know- You will… stop if I ask. And it will be alright.”

I looked up to see him still blushing but looking down at me earnestly, heading off the question I had been about to ask. “On dharlin.” 

The praise drew a smile from him and we fell into comfortable, anticipating silence as we walked into the dimming light. I led him to the sheltered area I had found and turned to look at him, swinging our hands between us. “Would you like to take a dip while I make sure we aren't disturbed?” 

*

*

*

“Alright.” He breathed and then hesitated before pulling his cloak off and setting it carefully on a nearby stone. 

I would have loved to watch him strip, but I didn’t think he was quite that comfortable yet, so I focused on laying a light notice-me-not ward around the stream and then a comfortable warming glyph on the ground by the stone with his neatly folded clothes. I laid my cloak with his and then I kept my back to the stream as I started pulling my boots off. I stacked them neatly beside Cullen’s and then smiled when I heard his sharp intake of breath when I unlaced and shoved my leggings down my legs. My tunic was long enough to cover my butt and I took great delight in taking my time folding the leggings and laying them on top of his clothes before beginning to pull at the laces on the front of my tunic. 

By the time I turned around, Cullen was kneeling in the stream so the water covered him from the waist down, and his eyes were dark and roaming over me in a very flattering intensity. 

“How’s the water?”

“Beautiful.” The blush moved from his neck down to his chest. “I mean. It is good. Nice. The water is nice.” 

“Good.” I grinned and then waded into the water and laid down to dunk myself under the surface and wiggle so I came back up with my head right in front of his legs. “Hello.” 

“Hello.” He folded his hands in front of himself and I bit back a snort because that was adorable.

“May I kiss you?”

“Yes.”

I moved up out of the water and straddled his thighs and there was a delightful mini flail where he couldn’t decide whether to keep hiding his erection or help steady me, but it wasn’t long before my legs were stretched wide over his and his hands were on my waist to hold me up on his thighs. His eyes were closed and I moved slightly to press a kiss over his chest. “How many fingers?”

His fingers twitched one after the other on me and he relaxed slightly. “Ten.”

“Good.” I pressed my hand against the back of his neck.

His eyes fluttered open at the praise and he gave me a shy smile before ducking so I could kiss him. This time, he opened his mouth moments after our lips met to let me in, the eager man, and I kissed and tasted and licked into his mouth until he was a panting mess under me. I trailed a hand down his chest and pulled back to kiss his collarbone, pulling a hitched whimper from him. “Would you like to go lay down where it is warmer?” 

His fingers twitched against me again, one after the other, before he nodded and I slid carefully off of him and to my feet. “Come, dharlin.” I ordered softly, holding my hand out to him.

He took it and started to rise, then hesitated and glanced down. 

“It’s alright, love. We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” I reassured him.

He set his jaw and then stood up quickly and took my hand. I found myself a bit stunned for a moment because.

“That… is going to take a bit of work.” I murmured, then hastened to add, because he had made a slight, embarrassed flinch backwards. “I am definitely not complaining! It’s beautiful, we’re just going to have to open me up a bit.”

Fortunately, his cock was not nearly as big as the Bull’s, as that had almost not happened, but it was still going to be a glorious stretch.

“What… what do you want?” Cullen asked as I guided him to the glyph. “From me?”

“Well, if it’s alright with you, I was thinking you could lay down and get me off with your fingers to loosen me up, and then I could ride you.”

“Oh.” The word sounded like it had been punched out of him and his cock twitched in definite interest. “Yes.” 

He laid down where I directed him, a bit awkwardly as he looked like he wanted to cover himself up but wanted to hold still for me both.

“You’re doing so good.” I said softly as I moved to straddle his waist and press a kiss to his chin. I felt him relax under me slightly, then tense again when I moved down to kiss his throat and collarbone. “Can you tell me what you’re thinking, love?”

“I…” He gasped when I scraped my teeth lightly across his chest, careful to avoid the scars criss crossing his skin. “I have never been…” He flushed and then groaned when I licked his nipple. “I have never been fully… undressed with a lover before.” 

Huh. I sat back to look at his face. “Do you want to put something back on?”

“No…” his hands hesitantly lifted to rest on my hips. “I want you to… see me. It is just…” 

“You feel vulnerable.” I suggested. 

He nodded, and then ran a hand down my thigh. “Yes. But it is… alright. For you. I… how do you want…?”

I slid back so I was straddling one of his thighs and took his hand, arranging his fingers and then guiding it between my legs so his middle finger slid into me and his thumb ground against my clit in a flare of aching pleasure. “Like… this. Is this alright?” 

“Maker, you’re so…” He breathed, then made a hitched sound in his throat when I started rocking my hips and fucking myself on his hand. “Yes.” He both allowed me to take my pleasure from him and also began moving his thumb against me, searching for the patterns and strokes that made me gasp, and then drawing a startled moan of pleasure from me when he slid another finger into me as I rocked forward.

I slid my hand up his neglected cock and he curled up with a gasp, his fingers clenching inside me and pulling my own gasp of pleasure from me. We quickly grew lost in the cycle of giving and receiving pleasure, sharing touches and whimpers and soft praise for each other. It was lovely and sweet, and I clenched around his fingers when he fit three into me and came with his name on my lips. 

I collapsed across his chest and pressed shaky kisses to his skin as he carefully stroked along my back with one hand, keeping the other inside of me. The scratch of callus sent shivers down my spine and I could feel his cock still hard and hot against my leg. I mouthed along his collarbone, pulling a groan from him, then started sliding back, throwing one loose leg over his hips so I was astride him properly. I lifted my head to look at his face. He was staring at me, his pupils so wide his eyes looked black and an awed expression on his flushed face.

“That was wonderful, dharlin.” I said softly and his eyes fluttered closed before he refocused on me. “May I ride you?” 

He nodded eagerly, then when I waited a moment, forced out breathlessly. “Yes. Please.” 

I kissed his chest and then reached down between my legs to grasp his cock and guide it gently towards my cunt as I eased myself slowly onto it. I had to stop a few times to breathe and adjust despite being lax and slick from coming already, but I peppered Cullen’s chest with kisses and drank in the soft pants and the flexing of his fingers on my hips as I took him in a torturously slow stretch of pleasure. 

“Oh, dharlin…” I breathed once he was finally fully seated inside me, almost overwhelming and so beautiful. I forced my eyes to stay open as I slowly rose as far as I could, drinking in the shaky intake of air from him, and then sank back down on him with a moan he echoed. 

I kept up the movement, slow and slick and soft, building a deep, gradual pleasure until my thighs were shaking from strain and Cullen was making soft whimpering sounds every time I lifted myself up. I eased his hands up to my waist and spoke, my voice rough with arousal. “Ma’on’dharlin, can you finish us?”

Despite his evident inexperience, he was still a brilliant tactician and quickly realized what I wanted. He shuddered and his hands on my waist tightened so he was holding me up above him. His first thrust up into me was short and tentative but still punched an approving hiss from me. “Yes, good.”

The praise sent another shudder through him and then he was fucking up into me in earnest, quick desperate strokes that sent coils of heat through my near wrung out body. I leaned forward to brace a hand on his chest and slid the other hand between my legs to my clit to try and tip myself over the edge as he fucked into me. He spent first with a gutted, “Fen!”, his grip on my waist tight as he held me flush to his hips and shook. A few more touches to myself and I was following him, clenching tight around him and pulling another gutted plea of my name from him as I rode out the bolts of ecstacy wracking me. 

I tried to catch my breath as I stroked my hand across his chest in soothing arcs, my fingers sliding easily across his sweat slick skin as I waited for him to soften in me, too sensitive to move while he was full size. Cautiously, I began to pull off of him and he inhaled as I moved to lay across his chest and tuck my face into the crook of his neck.

*

*

*

“You were so good, love.” I murmured. “So good. How do you feel?”

His arms came up to hug me to him and he let out a long, deep sigh. “Good.” I felt his fingers twitch, one after the other, and then he let out another contented sigh. “Very good.” 

I hummed appreciatively and kissed his jaw. “I’m glad. You were beautiful.”

“You were too.” He said quietly, his voice deep and a bit fuzzy.

I laid there on top of him and let us float in the afterglow until I felt his heart return to a regular pace. “Do you think you can move yet?” 

He let out a disagreeable sound but nodded. “If I must.” 

“I just want to take us to the stream to clean up before we get sticky.” I said and reached up blindly to pet his curls. “Do you think we can do that?”

There was a long pause before he nodded again. “Yes.”

“Alright, dharlin.” I eased myself up and off of him and took his hand. His legs seemed a bit shaky and his expression was dazed and blissful as I led him to the stream and tugged him to kneel down so I could start smoothing handfuls of water over his skin to rinse off the sweat and other various sticky products of good sex. He watched me with half lidded eyes as I cleaned myself off and then reached out to cup his face and press a kiss to his lips. “Ma serannas, ma’dharlin. It was amazing.” 

His hand came up to cup my face and he smiled against my mouth before returning the kiss. “You were as well.” 

He was shivering slightly and I realized I must be using my magic to keep myself warm. Cold water, night air, plus nudity meant a slight chill. I led him back out of the water and to the warming glyph and out of habit tried to help him dress, but he blushed and took his clothes from me. “I… can do that myself.” 

“If you want.” I subsided, but kept half an eye on him as I dressed myself and wrapped myself securely in my cloak. He was drawing himself up, like he was bracing himself for something. The moment he had his cloak on, I stepped close and slipped my hand into his. “Are you alright?”

He relaxed slightly and his thumb swiped over the back of my wrist gently. “It’s… just something silly.”

“Do you want to tell me?”

He blushed and looked away. “No. But I… probably should.” 

“I’m listening, dharlin.” I said quietly as I mentally reached out and released the wards I had set. 

He was quiet for a long moment as we started to slowly walk back towards the camp. Finally he spoke quietly. “The- relationships among the Templars were discouraged. More so than with…” He shook his head with a bitter snort. “Relationships among the Templars were discouraged, so… affairs among them tended to be quick and physical. Half dressed in a corner and then you don’t look at each other the next day so no one suspects and you get reassigned.” 

“Your mind remembers and is expecting me to draw back now that we’ve had sex?” I suggested gently. That would also explain why he hadn’t ever been fully naked with a lover. He nodded sharply and I lifted his hand to press a kiss to the back of it. “I won’t. I intend to curl up beside you to sleep tonight, and tomorrow, I will probably either tease you as we travel, or enjoy your company. Thank you for telling me.”

He relaxed further and a slight smile played on his face. “You make it seem so… easy.” He murmured. Then tripped over a rock and almost pulled me down as he tried to regain his balance, then tried to right me before he had fully righted himself. I was giggling by the time we had regained our footing.

“Maker’s breath. It’s too dark to see.” He complained.

I laughed and caught his hands and then turned my back to him and put his hands on my shoulders. “Don’t worry, dharlin. Your amazing elf eyed lover will guide the way safely to camp.” After a pause I added teasingly. “Unless you’d rather the wolf lead you astray?”

His fingers twitched on my shoulders and when he spoke he sounded shyly amused. “And where would the wolf lead me?”

“To her Den, to eat you up.” 

He laughed. “Ah. Perhaps later. I fear I would not make a decent meal for a few hours yet.” Then his hands started to lift as if he was going to step back in embarrassment, before they rested again on my shoulders when he realized I was the only one who could see clearly. 

“Well, my Den is a day or so’s ride away. I’m sure you’ll recover.” I laughed, pleased he was starting to tease back. 

“Would you?” He asked tentatively. “Your Den, I mean. Let me in?”

I considered it before answering carefully. “I do not think you can be fully Pack until your duty to the Inquisition is fulfilled, but I definitely would give you a key like Solas has.”

He was quiet for some distance before asking, “Is the Pack’s purpose so different from the Inquisition’s?”

“It’s not… quite that. Being Pack simply requires some secrets to be held, and I do not want that burden on you. Also, I half fear Leliana  _ would _ give in and assassinate me if you showed up to a council meeting with my symbol on your wrist.” I huffed in amusement, then reached up and patted his hand when it tightened on my shoulder. “All is well, dharlin. She and I have an understanding, I just do not wish to unbalance it by making her fear I am seducing the Inquisition’s leadership.”

He sighed. “I suppose… you are right.” One of his hands moved from my shoulder to the back of my neck and traced over the pair of cords there. “The… what are these? I never see you without them.”

“One of them is the Key to my Den, it allows me to feel the wards. The other is a courting gift from Solas. He has a wrist cuff from me.” I paused then added. “I made one for you as well, but left it at Skyhold.” 

“For me.” He said in a quietly wondering tone. His fingers traced over the cords again. “Would you… accept a… courting gift from me?”

“I would.” Hello stomach flutters. 

He made a pleased sound in his throat, and then we were back at camp. I tossed Skinner a cheeky salute when she raised her eyebrows at us and then I cheerfully curled up next to a red faced Cullen to sleep.

The moment I was in the fade, Solas swept into my dream and kissed me heatedly.

“You.” He half growled as his hand covered the wolf pendant on my chest. “Are a trial of patience.” 

“Oh?” I smirked and pressed myself against him. Honestly, I had forgotten about that, but I was not above teasing.

“Yes.” He sighed and pressed his forehead to mine before stepping back and extending his hand despite the desire radiating from him. “Dance with me?”

“Ma nuvenin.” His self control was impressive at times.


	48. Chapter 48

I was beginning to think dancing was one of those Significant things for Solas. He always seemed so… content while teaching me the steps to ancient and modern dances. Slowly, because even in the fade I was hopelessly unaware of my limbs. But he enjoyed dancing immensely, and I enjoyed indulging him. I began chewing on an idea of dancing with him in the physical when I returned. Sure, I would embarrass myself, but maybe it would still be something he enjoyed.

I was the last to wake up, still foggy and floaty from a night of fade dancing and every muscle in my body suddenly made it’s protest known over their use. I laid flat on my back and groaned as I took stock of my physical form. Thighs and back sore from horse riding? Check. Hips and hoohah sore from Cullen riding? Check. Arms and chest sore from Wolf shenanigans? Check. The tell tale boob ache and lower back pain that meant an impending period? Check. Ugh.

Fenvir’s face appeared over mine with a downright cruel grin. “On dhea, Ma’Tarlan.”  _ Good morning, my lady. _

“Pala sa’vunin.” I grumbled.  _ Fuck today. _

“Tamahn ea da’lan!” He gasped in fake shock.  _ There is a child! _

“I don’t think Rosi is a child even by my standards.” I sighed and hefted myself upright. “Ow.” 

Cullen immediately appeared with a concerned expression. “Did I hurt you?” He fretted, then flushed crimson and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Mm, no you didn’t, dharlin. I just overdid it, again.” I sighed and went ahead and pressed a healing spell to my thighs and back. The rest could deal with itself.

He looked relieved and then presented me with a half stale biscuit slathered in butter and preserves. “We are ready to leave when you are.” 

I kissed him gratefully and hauled myself to my feet, running my fingers through his curls before he could stand and then grinning at him unrepentantly when he flushed and cleared his throat. I took a bite of the biscuit and turned to see Rosi giving me an odd look from the back of her horse. 

“What do you mean by your standards? When do you think one stops being a child?”

“Twenty-five.” I said and moved to dispel the wards I had laid the night before. “Anything younger is just a baby.”

“Twenty-five!” She said in shock. “But you-”

“Am much older than I look.” I laughed, and then laughed a little more at Fenvir’s snort.

And that set the tone for the rest of the day. Jokes and teasing, a bit of serious chats between estranged siblings, and Skinner coaxing every fairy tale I knew out of me. I kindly avoided Big Bad Wolf stories for Cullen’s sake. Between it all, I seemed to constantly have a biscuit or a piece of waybread in my hands. At one point, Fenvir disappeared for half an hour or so and then came back with a bag full of greens and berries that we all shared. Not to be outdone, Skinner disappeared for a while and then came back with a butchered nug that I helpfully froze for her to cook for supper. 

We made good time (apparently) and were definitely in mountain country when we stopped to camp. I laid a hot glyph for cooking, and then a wider, more subdued glyph to keep the camp warm. The horses clustered as near to it as their tethers would allow as we ate. I was tentatively (and without much success) showing Rosi how I conjured flame without a staff when Loyalty picked its head up.

_ Someone approaches. _

I dismissed the flames and stood. “Someone’s coming.”

Fenvir and Cullen were on their feet instantly, Skinner a second behind. I cautiously opened myself up and reached out in the direction Loyalty had looked. There was a faint… shadowy effect, like light was being drawn in a few areas, like there was something that should have been there but was missing, and then there was a small but bright aura that looked to be floating. A child? I brushed against it tentatively and then recoiled and closed myself off at the gnawing hunger and fear I felt. There had been hope under it though. They were searching for home? Home or safety.

“An’daran Atishan.” I called out and held a staying hand out at Fenvir and Skinner.

There was a pause, and then a rough voice called back in what sounded like Alamarri. I called back the phrase that Amund had taught me. There was a longer pause, and then a large, cautious figure stepped out of the tall stones and halted a safe-ish distance away. It was an Avvar warrior and her eyes flicked from me to Loyalty before she spoke in rapid Almarri. 

“I’m sorry, I only know the one phrase. Do you speak Common?” I asked politely.

She made a face, but held her fingers up in a ‘little bit’ gesture. “You… are the Wolf who keeps the Sky Stones?” She asked in broken Common.

Uh… Sure. I nodded. “I am.” 

“I have… some who need the Wolf.” She said. “To be safe, aye?”

“I will help if I can.” 

Her eyes flicked to Loyalty again before she nodded and called out over her shoulder. A few seconds later a group of Dalish elves slipped out of the darkness and tentatively clustered behind her. There was a man with Andruil’s bow, a pregnant woman with June’s mark, and a barefaced girl with a toddler on her hip. All of them were thin and gaunt, dark circles under their eyes, and the man had a red, angry series of slashes running from his temple to where it disappeared under the collar of his shirt. Almost as if he had been clawed.

“You are Keeper Fenenansal?” He said carefully.

“I am Fenenansal. I keep Skyhold.” I made sure the correction was mild.

He slumped slightly in relief. “Our clan…” He paused and looked away, swallowing hard. “A rift opened in our camp.”

Oh… “Ir abelas.” I said softly. 

“Everything… is gone. The halla, our keeper, everyone-” He choked on the word and the Avvar woman rested her hand carefully on his shoulder in comfort. He breathed in shakily before lifting his chin. “I came to join the Inquisition. To… help fix the rifts. I know the Inquisitor can. But my sisters… they will not be safe among the shems.” He said sharply with a glare at Cullen and Rosi. “The Avvar said that the Keeper of the Sky Stones would protect them.”

“They would not-” Cullen started to protest.

“Hush, dharlin.” I held a hand up and was grateful when he subsided. I was not going to educate him on what the Dalish had to deal with from humans right now. “I have a safe place, and if they wish and if my people accept them, they could be part of my pack, or they can simply be hidden but apart. It would be their choice.”

There was a hesitation from them, and I held up my hands. “But you don’t have to choose right now, not tonight. For now, come sit with us where it is warm and share our food.”

I held myself very still until the Dalish elves slowly eased towards the camp with wary glances at Cullen and Rosi. Fenvir and Skinner helpfully moved between the humans and the Dalish. The Avvar woman made a satisfied grunt and turned and left before I could say anything to her. I called a thanks in Alammari after her anyway, then turned and started rummaging through the packs until I came up with the waybread and a water skin. 

Everyone was tense and wary, so I sat down in the center of the glyph and gestured to the space in front of me, helpfully away from Cullen and Rosi. “Please, sit. We only have travel rations right now, but it’s something.” I glanced over my shoulder to see Cullen eyeing the man warily. “Dharlin, they’re not going to hurt me. Sit down.” 

“But-”

“Cullen. This is what I do.” I said in exasperation. “I’ve yet to be stabbed by someone I’ve tried to help.” 

“I recall differently.” He snapped.

“That was being stabbed  _ because _ I was helping, not  _ by _ the person I was helping.” I winced at the same time he did. “Sorry… should have put that more tactfully.”

“I… forgive me.” He ran a hand over his face and then pointedly sat down. “You take too many risks.”

“I would rather die trying to help someone, than to sit back safely and allow someone I could have helped to suffer.” I said quietly and held the waybread out to the pregnant woman, who was glancing between me and Cullen warily. “Take as much as you all need, but eat it slowly.” 

“We know. Ma serannas.” She said quietly as she lowered herself to the ground. The girl followed, her eyes fixed on my face, and then the man sat, though he remained tense as the woman broke pieces off and handed them out. “I am Dalinev. This is my brother, Borean, my younger sister, Inar, and my daughter, Rosal.”

“I am Fenenansal, but you can call me Fen. My friends, Fenvir and Skinner, The Commander of the Inquisition, Cullen, and his sister, Rosalie.” I pointed at each of them as I named them off. 

“Why don’t you have a vallaslin? Keepers have to have vallaslin.” Inar blurted out.

“I removed it, da’len.”

“Impossible!” Borean said at the same time Inar gasped. “Why?”

“I’m not Dalish, not a Keeper. For the Dalish, a vallaslin is a mark of pride. For me, it was a binding I did not choose. So I removed it.” I could feel Fenvir’s eyes on me as I passed the water skin to Dalinev.

Dalinev looked uneasy, her hand lifting to her face. “Are… you going to take ours?”

“Only if you asked me too. Like I said, it is a mark of pride for you. The Dalish ways may not be my ways, but I will respect yours as best I can. I would not remove something like that without being asked.” I glanced over her uneasy expression and added. “And I would not require it to live among my people.” 

There was a slight slump of relief in all of their shoulders, though little Rosal was gnawing desperately at the waybread Dalinev had given her. It was slightly telling how desperate they were that the thought of having to remove their vallaslin for me to help them hadn’t made them refuse immediately.

“How old is she?” I gestured to Rosal. She was so thin I couldn’t guess.

“Three winters.” 

“We have young ones in our Den.” I smiled brightly. “Rasa. She’s two winters. Jim and Haleir are twelve, Ellas is ten, and Anise is eight.”

Dalinev smiled hopefully. “That is good. So many… Are you…? Will you be able to feed more? I was the weaver for our… clan. I…” She glanced down at her belly uncertainly. “The Avvar said you…”

“We have plenty of food for everyone. Saam grows gardens in the den and Amund Skywatcher hunts and Margaret brought chickens, as well as we all pool our wages to buy food from the Inquisition and merchants. Miadhal is raising sheep, Timothy spins, and Lahnehn sews, so if you join our pack, a weaver would allow us to produce our own cloth.” I said thoughtfully. Then shook my head. “Forgive me, my head is full of ideas. Tonight, eat and rest. We can plan tomorrow.” 

“I’ll take first watch.” Cullen said as he stood back up, and all of the Dalish tensed.

“Love, they’re not going to sleep with a human standing over them.” I countered softly. 

“We’re not going to do anything!” Rosi protested, speaking up for the first time since they had appeared.

“I know that, but they don’t know that. The mind remembers, and there isn’t a way to tell the decent humans from the evil by sight.”

Rosi looked crestfallen but Cullen just closed his eyes and then sighed. “Very well. For what it is worth, I can assure you we mean no harm.” He… bowed from the waist to the Dalish, like he had to me at my testing, and then went and spread out his cloak on the edge of the glyph furthest away from them and laid down pointedly. 

Rosi gave them a head nod and a soft, ‘good night’, before moving to lay out her own cloak beside Cullen. There was a beat of silence, and then Borean spoke quietly. “You… know these shems well?”

“The Commander doesn’t understand how hard life is for an elf, but he tries to be kind once he knows. Rosi is the same.” I hesitated, and then added quietly. “He is one of my lovers.” 

They all gave me looks of disgust similar to Solas’ and I couldn’t help a snort. “My people include Vashoth, humans, dwarves, halfbloods, and different types of elves. I accept people for them, not for their shape.” Loyalty chose that moment to hang its head over my shoulder and I reached up to pat the side of its muzzle. “Yes, I mean you too, sweetheart.” 

“I will keep first watch, Tarlan’Fen.” Fenvir volunteered after an awkward silence. “You should rest.”

“Ma serannas, ma’falon.” I smiled gratefully at him and started to get to my feet. 

“You say you are not Dalish, but you speak like one.” Borean frowned. The waybread was completely gone between them.

“It is a different dialect.” I shrugged. “There are slight variances. Rest well.” I glanced over them and noted that only Dalinev and Inar had cloaks. I pulled mine off and handed it to Borean, then turned away before he could protest and went to lay down beside Cullen, pressing against his side to steal his body heat. It was only a moment before he turned and put his arm over me, and then Skinner laid down on my other side, silently and protectively. 

I was almost asleep before she whispered. “You’re a good one, Lady Wolf.” 

I didn’t know what to say to that, and I was pretty sure she thought I was asleep already, so I just stayed silent until I was asleep in earnest. 

I ran my hand over the dream frequencies near me once I was are in the fade. All were sleeping soundly and peacefully near me. After that, I went ahead and tried practicing shifting into an eagle, but again, nothing clicked. I let out a growl of frustration and plopped onto the ground.

“What does an eagle want?” The Desire spirit was back, formless and ancient and curled around me like a blanket. 

“I…” I frowned. “I don’t really know. They hunt, scavenge, breed…”

“You do not understand them.”

“No. I don’t really. I just want to fly.”

“Many things fly. There are many shapes with wings that you might understand.”

“Huh. Thank you.” What did I know about birds?

“Your world desired order.” Desire mused. “So many categories, so many words. A word for everything. Corvid.”

“Oh, I love corvids. There was a bluejay pair that lived outside my house. They chased off the chicken hawk when they had their first clutch.” I smiled at the memory and conjured a bluejay to perch on my fingers.

“Your desire to protect is very strong. You burn with it.” They said, seemingly out of nowhere (as spirits do), as they began shifting through shapes. Wonder Woman, a sphynx, a dragon, Poison Ivy… They paused in that form and wiggled slightly. “You desire… not this one. It’s not quite right. Teeth and claw, patience and pretense… whatever it takes.”

I opened my mouth to protest that, but they waved a green tinted hand at me. “Oh I know, you always wish for people to have a choice. To choose. But if they choose to disturb the water and sniff near your nest to eat your young… then-” Their face lit up in delight. “There. Perfect. I shall see you where the sky is held back.” 

They poofed away and I blinked at the space they had occupied. Um. Okay. I gave a mental shrug. “Solas?”

It was a moment before he appeared, but when he did, I held up two fingers and let the conjured bluejay flit away. “Before you distract me, I have things to say.”

He paused, then inclined his head and tucked his hands behind his back. “Very well.” 

“I’m bringing home some Dalish, and I would appreciate it if you tried to keep your…” I searched for a tactful word before just mentally saying to hell with it. “Condescending scorn about their beliefs to a minimum, as I believe you completely smothering it impossible.” 

He gave me an affronted look before sighing. “I believe you are correct. I… will do my best, for your sake.”

“Ma serannas.” I gave him a smile. That was about all I could expect honestly. “And secondly, did you get my questions about spirits?”

He sighed again and I caught a wisp of resignation. “I did.”

“And?” I raised my eyebrows at him, fully curious now.

“Dance with me?” He said instead, holding out his hand.

“Of course.” I accepted his hand and let him lead me into a dance that made him feel nostalgic. “Now. Questions. Answers? Please?”

He huffed a laugh. “Tenacious.”

“Indeed.” I let myself miss one of the fancy steps to level him a look. “Either tell me to figure it out myself, or tell me.” 

His jaw tightened and I felt a wisp of grief before he closed it off. “Spirits are by nature, curious. Constantly seeking.” He exhaled sharply and switched us to a simpler dance. “Rifts are… new. Unique, blazing with potential. In short, yes. There are fewer spirits than there were.”

“Oh… that’s horrible.” I murmured, feeling my stomach twist. All those rifts… all those spirits twisted and pulled through… “I’m so sorry.” 

“I… am relieved you feel the same way.” And he opened himself back up so I could feel his grief and relief. 

“You were avoiding telling me because you were afraid I wouldn’t care, weren’t you?” I asked softly.

He nodded.

“I do care.”

“Deeply.” He agreed. “As for… why you see no spirits in your dreams… You are… rather singular.”

“Um.” I prepared to protest and he squeezed my hand slightly.

“Bear with me, please.”

I narrowed my eyes but tilted my head in concession.

“Your presence in the fade is… both…” He paused, searching for words. “You feel like a spirit in the fade. An ancient, powerful spirit that is claiming a patch of the fade as their own. Each time you dream, your claim rings truer. Most of the younger, weaker spirits avoid you as you feel old enough to consume them. The older ones avoid your… territory, for lack of a better term, out of respect.”

“But… I’m just… me?” This was… confusing.

“And in the fade, as in the physical, you are a creature of purpose.” He smiled. “Your will radiates a subtle but clear call. ‘Come to me if you have need’. Of course, spirits exist in more than a single state, so the opposite rings true to them as well. ‘Do not approach unless you have need’. A shield and summons both that becomes stronger the more you exist in the fade.” 

“Oh.” I turned that over and then asked. “Wait. Consume them? I wouldn’t do that!”

He laughed. “Yes, but if you are perceived as a spirit…”

“Then they don’t know that. Fair enough.” I danced with him for a few more steps before murmuring. “How lonely it is to be seen as strong.” 

He studied me for a moment in curiosity. “You… are unused to that.”

“Of course not. I was constantly sick and one of a billion.”

“So many?” 

“More.” I shrugged a shoulder.

“Would you… show me?” He asked carefully.

I stilled and looked up at him thoughtfully. “Curious, Pride?”

The corner of his mouth quirked. “Always, Blessing.” 

Huh… I… was going to think about that later. For now, I closed my eyes and tried to remember the first time I had visited New York City. The towering skyscrapers that were so massive it felt like you were being crushed beneath their presence, the narrow alleys crammed with shops and people. The flashing signs in every corner, lights in the windows and in the streets, lights in people’s hands as they streamed and milled, the horns and sounds of the cars backed up in the streets, the smell of-

“Stop! Please!” Solas gasped. 

I opened my eyes and dispelled the memory and found Solas with his hands pressed over his ears and his eyes shut tightly. He was confused and distressed and… gasping like he was having difficulty breathing. 

“Ir abelas.” I said softly. I hadn’t considered how… “I forgot how… much it is.” I carefully shifted the fade to my dream cabin where I knew he felt comfortable. 

He collapsed onto the bed, his hands cradling his head. “H-how can-? So many people- I couldn’t breathe.”

I eased onto the bed beside him and started stroking the hunched line of his spine. “I’m sorry. I should have picked one of the smaller cities. That one was just the first I thought of… the biggest city I’ve been to.”

His head raised out of his hands and he looked at me in a mixture of horror and confusion “There are larger cities than… that?”

“Many.” I said softly. “So many. All over, somehow the same and different all over. Bright and loud and full of people.”

“More…” He said in a stunned tone. “How? How can there be more? How are there so many?”

“Well…” I hesitated. “There is less disease and famine.”

“I am aware it is a different world than this one.” Solas said quietly before dropping his head back into his hands. “You do not have to… evade that shock.”

Oh. That was… helpful. If disconcerting because I had thought I was careful to avoid hinting too much at that. “It is also… much, much older than this one as far as I can tell.”

“Older.” He said quietly. “How… old are- were you?”

“The average expected lifespan of people was about eighty.” I sidestepped the question more out of habit than real evasion. 

“So little and yet…” He hesitated and then cautiously asked. “Could you show me the buildings again? Just one?”

I winced. “I didn’t really get to explore them in detail, so it will be vague but alright.”

I carefully switched the fade to show us just one skyscraper. An office building I had interviewed for a job for once upon a time. Solas stared up at it for a long time, his eyes wide. “There is no magic holding it up.” He murmured. “This is… physical. All of it. How?”

“Engineering. This isn’t even near the tallest building in the world.” I said, a little smug at having impressed him. 

“Fenedhis.” He breathed, and then shook his head. “May we enter?”

“Of course.” I offered my hand and he took it with a slightly relieved air. He was nervous but hiding it fairly well. It… was a little cute. 

I led him to the front doors and he stilled when they slid open as we neared. His eyes flicked over them and then he frowned. “There is no memory of magic on them.”

I pointed up at the camera with my free hand. “There’s a machine that senses when things move in front of it, and then tells another machine to pull them open.”

“Machines. How… ingenious.” 

“Us muggles have our ways.” I laughed and tugged him towards the door.

“Muggles? I am unfamiliar with the term.” He said absently as he looked around the standard lobby area as if it was something impressive.

“Oh, someone without magic.”

His attention snapped back to me. “But you do.”

“Now.” I shrugged. “Here.” 

His head tilted slightly. “What… is it like to not have magic?”

“It’s… normal.” I shrugged. “It’s how you’re born, and you live, and sometimes you wish you could levitate a cup or disappear… but it’s just a daydream. You don’t… miss it, because you never had it in the first place. It doesn’t hurt, there’s no absence you worry at like a missing tooth.” 

“But you have magic now.”

“I also have red hair now.”

“There is a slight difference.” He rolled his eyes.

“Maybe.” It was more or less the same to me, except magic allowed me to better protect my pack.

Abruptly his emotions closed off and he turned to look at the escalators with his hands tucked behind his back, for all appearances perfectly casual. “Would you wish to return to… this world even if it meant losing your magic?”

“Nah. I have people here. Family, lovers, friends. My time there ended. Magic has nothing to do with it.”

“You do not miss your home? These… wonders?”

I laughed and held out my hand. “Let me show you something.”

He hesitated for a long moment before taking my hand, and I closed my eyes and remembered the IMAX theater film I had seen of space, the view of earth at night from the space station.

Solas gasped and his hand tightened on mine and I felt him practically explode in fear and amazement and curiosity and wonder and awe. I opened my eyes and studied his expression, his mouth slack and open, his pupils blown wide… beautiful. The earth rotated slowly beneath our feet, sparkling with a billion lights and a ring of sunlight around the edge of it.

“This… is a memory…” He breathed.

“We didn’t have magic, but we did have science, which can be a magic in it’s own.” I turned to him and curtseyed in the proper elvhen fashion. “Alas’nira i’em?”  _ Dance with me? _

His breath caught and his eyes moved from where they were fixed on the earth to study my face intently. “Here?”

“Vin, ma’lath.” 

He swallowed and I thought I could see him start to cry but he blinked and it was gone, as was the way with the Fade. “Ma'myathash, vhenan.”  _ My honor, my heart. _

His steps trailed with awe as we danced in space over my past world and I was fairly certain I was right in thinking the dancing was Significant for him. 


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> explicit content, as usual, is marked off by asterisks for easy skipping.

Setting out in the morning took a bit of shuffling. I wanted to let Dalinev ride Loyalty, which meant Cullen wanted me to ride his charger, except if he was going to be walking, he might as well let the children ride the horse, which meant Fenvir offered me his horse, which led to Dalinev cautiously suggesting I ride Loyalty and she would take Fenvir’s horse. All in all, Inar ended up on Rosi’s horse, Dalinev rode Cullen’s charger with Rosal (though she looked terrified of the beast the whole time) while he held the reins, and I stayed with Loyalty. Borean refused to ride, preferring to walk and keep his eyes on Cullen and Rosi. 

The ride was quiet and tense, until I started humming out of sheer boredom, which led to Skinner coaxing ‘We are the Champions’ out of me, which she sang along to, which led to me singing Greatness, and then I taught the duck song to Rosal, and then I ended up teaching Champions to Cullen because he had wanted to learn it on the trip to Skyhold but had been avoiding me.

By the time we reached Skyhold’s gates, the sun was high in the sky, my voice was cracking, and the tension had almost disappeared. I felt a wave of relief as I drew closer to Skyhold, and when I opened up and reached to check on it, I was greeted with a slow, patient joy from the stones. I was home. I was home, and the moment we rode past the gates, I could see Solas waiting in the courtyard. Loyalty helpfully dropped to the ground so I could jump and stumble off of its back and race towards Solas, who caught me when I tackled him in a hug.

“I missed you!” I squeezed him and then let him go just enough for him to duck so I could kiss him.

“And I you.” He said quietly. I felt him send me a brush of fond, relieved, happy mana, and I sent him one in return. He smiled, then moved so I was tucked under his arm in a side hug as he looked up. “Commander. It is good to see you well.” He extended his arm and Cullen gave a slightly relieved smile as he accepted it. 

He opened his mouth, no doubt to say something adorably awkward, but Cassandra’s voice rang out. “Commander! I need to  _ speak _ to you.” 

Cullen winced and I slipped out of Solas’ arm. “I’m just going to go get the new people settled and am not at all running away from Cassandra and leaving you to face her by yourself.” 

Cullen gave me a weary smile but a playfully accusing ‘traitor’ before he addressed Cassandra. “Lady Cassandra. I left a note I would be back.”

“A note?! You left in the middle of the night with no-” She paused and her eyes landed on me. “And you!”

“Hi! I have people to disappear! So uh, I will probably be cornered by you later, so…” I gave her an awkward thumbs up and backed up to gesture at the Dalish elves watching with wide eyes. “Super busy right now.” 

She blinked at me and I took the opportunity to turn and go on tiptoe to kiss a very amused Solas. “Would you be a dear and show Rosi here where to find Fiona?”

“Ma nuvenin.” He huffed.

Cassandra looked slightly distracted by the public display of affection so I picked up Rosal and took Inar’s hand and started leading them towards the stairs. To Skyhold. Skinner and Fenvir flanked Dalinev and Borean protectively, and Loyalty followed placidly as we made our odd procession to Skyhold Proper. 

I paused at the top of the stairs to catch my breath and then went through the main doors. Vivienne was waiting for me and she tsked slightly. “My dear, you look a fright.”

“Horseback rides through the mountains will do that. I intend to soak in the hot tub for quite a while.”

“Do. And after, join me for tea tomorrow? We have some things to discuss.” 

Um. Okay. “Of course. Until then, Lady Vivienne.” 

“Castellan.” She gave me a head tilt and a smile before sweeping off. 

I made it a few more steps before running into Varric, who raised his eyebrows at my procession before shaking his head. “Ah, you’re trouble, Fluffy.”

“Trickster.” I grinned. “Speaking of, I need you to teach me to play Wicked Grace.”

“That sounds like more trouble. I’m in.” Varric laughed. “Go get cleaned up, you look exhausted.” His eyes flicked back to my procession before he added. “And let me know if you need any help.”

“I’ll be sure to. Thank you.” I waved goodbye to him and Skinner peeled off from the procession to go her own way.

I made it into the garden with everyone before I was tackled by an excited Sa’nehn. “Lady Wolf! You’re back!”

“Fenlin! You’ve grown!”

He pulled back and scowled over a blush. “I’m not a puppy anymore.”

“You are until you’re twenty-five, love.” I reached up to ruffle his hair, and he endured it with an affectionate scowl. “How have things been?” I asked as I continued walking towards the Den.

“Good. Thom and Margaret have been training with me. The Ambassador gave us the armor, but you still need to pick your fourth guard. Amund was asked to go meet with some Avvar down south, but wanted to speak to you first.” Sa’nehn was ticking things off on his fingers. “Katerina took the cure, Jim manifested his magic, Mina arranged another deal with the Inquisition with Ser Wolf and Lahnehn’s help and we have more trees coming, and Miadhal wants you to teach him how to make acorn flour before the oaks drop.”

“I’d be happy to.” I nodded at Dalinev and Borean, who were looking around nervously. “Would you pull them in?”

Sa’nehn nodded and held his hands out to them. They hesitated before taking them, and then we pulled the Dalish through the wards and into the ramp to the Den. They gasped and I felt Inar’s hand tighten on mine.

“Creators…” Borean breathed. “You… really meant hidden.”

“I did. And only those wearing the mark of the pack can find and enter the entrances. Anyone else has to be pulled in by a member of the pack, like Sa’nehn did with you. Unfortunately, the same works for leaving, but of course, if you decide not to join the pack, a pack member would still be happy to pull you out whenever you want. You would not be trapped.”

“You… use a lot of wolf terms.” Dalinev said cautiously as we made our way down the ramp.

Fenvir snorted and I turned to toss her a sharp grin. “I am a wolf, arani. My name is wolf, my lover is named a wolf, this is my Den, and these are my pack and pups, and we all walk the path of the wolf.” 

“You don’t fear calling the Dread Wolf to you?”

Fenvir snickered outright and I gave him an exasperated glance before shaking my head. “Not at all, da’len. But again, I am not Dalish.” I frowned in thought. “Do… I need to set aside a space for you that is free of wolf symbols? I’m not certain how to accommodate your faith. If there is anything you need, please, let me know.”

I didn’t know if they were about to respond because we had reached the cavern and all of them gasped in awe as we left the room to the ramp and the main Den was revealed. 

“Lady Wolf!” The cry went up and in moments I was being swarmed by excited kids and excited adults and there were hugs and head bumps and chattering and hellos. Amund picked me up in a hug before handing me to Thom, and it was a few passes before my feet were back on the ground so I could hug the kiddos again, congratulate Jim on manifesting, and then greet the spirits. Wisdom and Rage both lifted their heads to show off a matching set of finger woven blue and green collars with a familiar blue and white pendant.

“Look at you two with your fancy bling!” I petted them and sent them a relieved brush of mana each. They couldn’t be bound. “Cole?”

“He went with the Inquisitor. Said you dreamed he had to choose for it to work.” Maeva supplied before ducking to bump my forehead. 

That was right. I wonder which he’ll choose. 

Eventually, I found myself seated at the table with a big steaming cup of soup in my hands, Wisdom in my lap, Rage tucked under my elbow, and the Dalish seated near me with soup and bread as I introduced everyone and gave a simple run down of how things worked, what was expected, and that they could have a few days to figure out if they wanted to join or just be hidden as guests. 

Dalinev was tentatively striking up conversation with Saam when Rasa suddenly shot out of Lahnehn’s arms with a cry of, “Mack!”

“Da’len.” Solas said dryly as he caught her and set her on his hip with a long suffering expression. He conjured a light for her as he walked over to me and bent to press a kiss to the top of my head. 

Cullen and Rosi were following behind him, and Rosi was gaping as she tried to take in the Den. “Maker’s breath… this is incredible…”

“Welcome to the Wolf’s Den.” I said proudly. “Come join us, Saam made soup.” 

Cullen hesitated, but sat down next to me, then sighed when Rage wiggled into his lap, but started petting him. Solas sat on my other side and I smirked into my soup cup. “I feel like a sandwich.”

Solas and Cullen both coughed, which was delightful, and I thanked Jim when he did produce a jelly and cheese sandwich for me. Sweet kid. Rosi was glancing between Solas, Cullen, and I with a concerned furrow between her brows. Or perhaps puzzled. I gave her a gentle smile. “I love them both.”

“Oh.” She startled and then blushed and looked away. “I wasn’t… meaning to stare.”

“It’s alright. I’m aware I am unconventional.”

“Chaotic.” Solas supplied, and I snapped my fingers and pointed at him in an ‘exactly’ gesture. 

“So…” Rosi started curiously and then trailed off with a blush.

“We both love her, and are aware and accepting of the other’s feelings for her.” Cullen supplied, and I couldn’t reach his cheek while sitting so I just turned and pressed a kiss to his upper arm because that was very brave of him to say out loud.

“Ma’Tarlan’Fen!” Terys called and I twisted my neck to see him coming up from the valley path with Felassan and Tamaris at his heels. 

“Ma’Falon’Fen!” I called back, just as happy to see him. 

He came up behind me and bent down to give me an upside down head bump. Tamaris laughed and did the same. Felassan gave me a wary look and went to sit at the end of the table, giving me yet another wary look when Anise ran over to show him a drawing of hers. I raised my eyebrows at Terys, but he gave me a shrug as he sat down. “Kids like him and Wisdom said it was alright.” 

I looked down at Wisdom and she gave me the mental equivalent of a shrug.  _ He will not harm them. _

“You’re a menace.”

_ You love me. _

“I really do.” I agreed and picked her up to hug her, which she bore patiently. 

“How was the trip?” Someone asked Fenvir.

“Enlightening.” He laughed. “Terrifying.”

“Wait. What?” I frowned at him. Had something happened without me noticing?

“You know the phrase ‘The Dread Wolf has your scent’?” Fenvir was purposefully ignoring me. The Dalish tensed but he shrugged. “I saw what it means.”

“What?” What was going on?

Solas had tensed beside me, but he simply looked…amused. 

Fenvir leaned forward and started speaking, drawing the others in and it was ridiculously dramatic. I loved it.

“Well, when she heard that her dharlin had disappeared, she lit up with fire and was going to go after him on foot.”

“You weren’t there for that!” I protested. Cullen was blushing and Rosi was listening raptly.

“And yet you do not deny it.” He grinned. “After her wolf love made her take a horse and guard, she set out on the path as the Dread Wolf on the hunt. She didn’t take her eyes from the trail, didn’t speak, didn’t blink even. She only stopped to allow us and the horses to rest, and as soon as we were on the move again, she was fixed on her prey, her eyes never moving from the path only she could see.”

I covered my face with my hand. Should I-?  _ No. This is infinitely more amusing. _ Loyalty supplied. “For you.” I muttered. 

“Maker’s breath.” Cullen muttered and I peeked out of my fingers to see him blushing and rubbing the back of his neck. Okay. Yes. This was more amusing than admitting Loyalty had been tracking him.

“And after days of travel, she stopped the horses and ran right to him, as if she had known exactly where he would be, and has barely let him out of her sight since.” Fenvir finished smugly. “So. Enlightening, and a bit terrifying.” He gestured with a bit of bread. “If she wants to find you, she will.” 

I elbowed Solas gently and meaningfully and he sent me a brush of understanding mana. I would find him. He wasn’t alone. 

Felassan was holding himself very still and Significantly not looking at me, so I guess… it was a good thing Fenvir mentioned the Dramatics? I wasn’t sure… Rosi was glancing between me and Cullen with her eyebrows raised, which was cute. 

“You’re exaggerating.” Mia scoffed.

“Oh no, I was being quite conservative in my telling. I completely left out the glowing eyes, the sleepless nights where she was bathed in a hum of power, calling out to the darkness and bringing forth people.” He was being a little shit now. I liked him. 

There was a beat of silence and then Sa’nehn spoke up. “So do we start calling the Commander Ser Dharlin now?” 

I burst into giggles and Cullen had both hands covering his face. I stood up and pressed a kiss to the back of his flushed neck. “As lovely as dinner has been, I need a real bath and to sleep in a real bed.” 

“I… must return to the castle. I have duties I must attempt to catch up on.” Cullen said after clearing his throat awkwardly and standing, shoving a ruffled Rage off of his lap.

“Alright, dharlin. I’ll hunt you down tomorrow.” I said with a toothy grin. He flushed again. 

“Um. Yes. I… look forward to it.” He said earnestly, then flushed and Oh, I could eat him up. “Good day, Fen.” He said softly, and awkwardly.

“Good day, Cullen.” I could do soft and awkward. “Rage will let you out.”

“Right.” He hesitated, then, when I tilted my face towards him, bent to kiss me cautiously. He flushed at a smattering of cheers and clapping from the pack and then turned and started walking away, slowing down when Rage let out an indignant honk. 

Rosi stood up. “I should go back up. The Grand Enchantress offered me a room in the tower.”

“And I need to enlist.” Borean said. He hugged his sisters briefly before following after Cullen.

“Alright. Feel free to swing by the garden or Rotunda if you want to visit. I tend to be a little hard to track down.”

She nodded and hurried after her brother, and then Thom spoke up eagerly. “Actually, my lady, we made something for you.” 

“Oh?” That was sweet!

“We can show you when you are ready.” He seemed excited and proud of whatever the surprise was.

“Alright!” I was eager to see. “We can-”

“Tomorrow, ma’lath. You and I have an appointment to keep.” Solas said and then I was unceremoniously thrown over his shoulder.

“I will grab your butt if you carry me like this.” I warned him, and when he simply started walking away with me, I did just that. It was a nice butt, but he let out an offended sound and set me down.

“Must you?” His ears were flushed. 

“I warned you.” I laughed, and heard a few snickers from the table behind us. 

“So you did.” He smirked and then picked me back up princess style. “Is this more to your liking, ma’lath?”

“I didn’t say I disliked the other way. Just that I was going to enjoy what was presented to me.” I punctuated by playfully biting at his shoulder.

He laughed and carried me to the bathing pools. “I’m flattered.” He said dryly. I could see Felassan gaping at us over his shoulder. The Dalish were blinking as if stunned, though Onhalla was speaking to Dalinev, so she’d be able to explain things. Then we were behind the curtained off area. 

Solas set me down and I felt him throw up a privacy ward that would warp the sounds we made. Then he started attentively unlacing my tunic, batting my hand away when I tried to help. “So. You are as the Dread Wolf on the hunt, vhenan?” He said with some amusement.

“On the trail of my prey, never losing his scent.” I tried for a smugly arched eyebrow but probably failed. I laughed. “It was Loyalty, not me.”

He hummed. “Debatable.”

He pulled my tunic over my head and I blinked at him. “Wait, what?”

“Loyalty is yours, and you are Loyalty’s.” He said enigmatically as he knelt to pull off my boots. I steadied myself on his shoulder. “Loyalty could not have found the Commander without his bond to you, and would not have without its bond with you. I can feel you have been honing your magical sensitivity. In time, you may perhaps learn from Loyalty to follow those bonds yourself.” 

I tried to sneakily start undoing my pants but again he batted my hand away. I sighed, but let him do as he wanted. “So, when I was supposed to be sleeping on the way there, I was instead meditating, and I felt my aura kinda… cycles between me and the spirits?”

“They feed on emotions.” He said as he undid my pants and slid them down my legs. “Part of your acceptance of them means that you send your magic to them, and they feed on the emotions within it, and send it back to you…” He paused and looked up at me in thought. “Purified is not quite the right word… perhaps… condensed?”

“Distilled?”

“Yes! Exactly.” He gave me a delighted smile and I couldn’t resist reaching to run my hand from the tip of his ear to the soft corner of his mouth. His eyes darkened and he nipped my wrist before moving and grabbing me around the waist and then tossing me into the bathing pool.

I landed with an ungainly splash and came back up sputtering for air and indignation. He was watching me with a smirk and I splashed him. “Ass.” 

“You like it.” He smirked.

“Smug ass.”

“Indeed.” He laughed and started taking his own tunic off and picking up the thread of conversation. “The spirits give back your magic, distilled and also with a thread of their essence. Your bond with Loyalty makes you a better judge of character, your bond with Wisdom allows you a better ability to grasp the hidden concepts presented. Rage…” He hesitated and shucked his leggings before sliding into the water with me. “Truly, I do not know exactly how Rage affects you as I have never been particularly close with one.”

“Emotional catharsis.” I guessed. “Rage is not a bad emotion, it is just one that is most often acted on unwisely.” 

His mouth twisted regretfully and he turned to pick up a bar of soap and a soft cloth. He huffed ruefully and then turned back to me. “May I?”

“Vin.” I let him wash me as he wanted. It seemed… almost ritualistic. He had done this when I got hurt, and now he did it when I returned from an absence. I’d need a third event to make a pattern. “There might be a Desire soon.”

He paused in washing my back. “Oh?”

“They approached me on the trip, we spoke a little and they asked for permission to come through like the others.” 

He started washing my hair and I could practically feel his thoughtfulness. “So many, in such a short time.” 

“I attract trouble.”

He laughed. “I sincerely hope you do not attract a spirit of mischief.” 

“You don’t count?” 

His fingers stilled and then he unceremoniously dunked my head under water. I came up sputtering and splashed him again. 

“I can admit to a streak of mischief.” He smiled and then turned back to the edge of the pool and pulled a covered tray closer. “The children had baking lessons with Saam.” 

Oooh, treats? I waded over to find him uncovering a plate covered with misshapen cookies and even a crumbly looking piece of pie. “Aww!”

I bit into a cookie and Solas took one for himself as well and we lounged against the edge of the pool in the warm water. 

“Has Desire chosen a shape?”

“I think so, but I didn’t ask. She said something about ‘they who dare disturb the water’. Hopefully she remembers to give herself a voice box.” 

“As’an ehn dana manes’atisha.” Solas supplied. “They who break the water’s peace. It refers to the unwary and heedless. Those who forge ahead despite warnings.” 

I repeated the phrase. I liked it, it fell off the tongue nicely. Solas seemed to agree by the way his eyes fell to my mouth. I smirked and touched my lower lip with the tip of my tongue and enjoyed the way his pupils dilated at the sight. He moved the plate away from the edge. “Are you finished with your bath?”

I pretended to consider for a long moment before smiling. “I am. You may take me as you will, ma’fen.” 

He smiled, dark and satisfied, and then in a graceful rush of skin and muscle and dripping water, he was out of the pool and pulling me to him. A flare of lighting and shadow tinted magic and he fade stepped us both to his room, closing the door behind us before anyone would have noticed the movement. He dropped me onto his bed and fell on top of me, bracing himself up on his elbows. 

“Ma nuvenin, vhenan.” 

*

*

*

He had my legs trapped together between his and I tried to wiggle them out but he just clenched his thighs together, keeping me still easily as he ducked to kiss me until my lips were tingling and I was scratching lightly at the lean muscles of his back. He pulled away and I tried to follow, but he moved down and mouthed at my breast, sucking hard and I winced at the uncomfortable flare.

“Ah. Not right now, they’re sensitive.”

“Forgive me.” He said and pressed an apologetic kiss to my nipple. “All is well?”

“Just close to my course.” I groaned when he moved his focus from my tits to my collar bone, and then the line of my neck and then he bit at my ear and I accidentally dug my nails into his skin at the hot spike of sensation. He growled, right into my ear, and then in another graceful cascade of movement rolled me over so I was pinned facedown to the mattress. 

“May I?” He murmured against my ear, his lips and teeth grazing the sensitive flesh and making me arch up against him. 

“Vin.” 

He let out a hot, satisfied breath against my ear and then shifted up and so he had one hand splayed over the back of my neck and holding me down while the other opened me up so he could thrust into me with uncharacteristic suddenness. I gasped at the wonderful intrusion and tried to buck up against him, but he simply held me still with his weight.

“Join me in the fade, vhenan?”

“What? Now?” I bucked again indignantly at the thought of taking a nap when his cock was buried inside me.

“Trust me.” He said and licked my ear and wow okay.

“Alright.” 

He let out a shaky breath and then I felt his magic reach for me and there was a twist, and then I was in the fade, in a forest, but the fade seemed to be trembling with pleasure, a stretching aching bliss filling every breath like… oh. I could feel what was happening to my body here. I was gasping, trying to keep from thrusting my own fingers into me to tip me over, when Solas appeared in front of me, naked and beautiful and hard. I stepped towards him, and he stepped back with a delighted smile. 

“This… was a great idea.” I groaned and took another step towards him.

“And now?” He was radiating lust and pleasure and delight. 

“Now, I would like to fuck you.” 

He did this adorable, open expression where he grinned and then curled his tongue up to touch his upper teeth. “If you can catch me.” 

I had a flash of arousal at the thought, then almost fell over when the simmering pleasure in the air spiked. Solas gasped and his eyes fluttered shut and… “Oh… my body is reacting.”

“Vin.” He said breathlessly. 

My sleeping body had clenched around him. “Oh, this is going to be  _ delightful _ .” the word came out more as a triumphant growl and Solas smiled at me through his lashes before turning on his heel and running away. He really did have a nice butt. 

The chase was exhilarating, the quick movements and the impossible maneuvers as I drew closer to him, close enough for my fingertips to graze his back, and then I would have a thrill of triumph, only to stumble as the pleasure of the fade washed over me as my body reacted. He would stumble as well, but then would take off again with a trail of breathless joy. 

He was so openly happy, so free and exhilarated at the game, laughing and grinning brighter than I had seen before from him, it was almost a shame when I made a particularly impressive jump, almost feeling as if I was flying for a moment, before I tackled him and we spun to the ground, painless because this was the fade.

I pinned his arms to his sides with my legs and we both had to stop and breathe as our sleeping bodies reacted to our dreaming minds and we were drowning in the magnified and layered pleasures. “Oh, my dread wolf. I have caught you.”

He panted under me and let his head drop back with a satisfied, pleased flare. “And now? What will you do with me, my rebel wolf?”

I slid back until I was straddling his hips and his cock was jutting up between my legs. I leaned forward, trapping it between our bellies and he shuddered and gasped, and the fade flared in sensations that pulled moans from me as I mouthed along his collar bone. “May… may I?” I gasped and I felt his consent wash over my wordlessly. 

I lifted and took him in and the mingled, exponential pleasures almost had me coming around him just from that. Everything was magnified and echoing, a touch to his chest lingering and his hands on my hips even as I could feel a ghost of him pressed against my back. I was lost as I rode him, instinct driving me to move as I touched and tasted and  _ felt _ . I screamed at the ringing bliss of coming asleep and awake, each wave of pleasure building up until all I could do was hold onto him and shake and breathe for what felt like eternity. 

*

*

*

I was floating, slowly finding my way back to my senses. I had collapsed on top of Solas and we were panting in rhythm together as his hands swept up and down my back. 

“That…” I could barely make myself speak so I simply sent him a brush of my mana like Loyalty had tought me, filled with wonder, love, amazement, and happiness.

He shuddered beneath me and his hands splayed over my back to pull me to him. “Yes, Exactly.” 

“Wow.”

“Yes.” He laughed breathlessly. “You… trust me.”

“Mmhmm.” I kissed the weird, distracting, cute dimple in the center of his chin then tucked my face into the curve of his shoulder. “You trust me.”

Because now that he had said that, it made sense, to let yourself be so vulnerable with someone in the physical as well as the fade. Open, unguarded, nothing held back in both the physical and fade at the same time, bodies and minds joined in both… I lifted my head. “Did we just get married?”

He laughed. “That depends on your definition of marriage.” 

“Ah. That’s a yes for you.”

He stilled and then exhaled. “I… yes. It is.” His hands resumed their soothing petting. “What would you consider a marriage?”

“Mmm… probably just agreeing to it. I’m a bit lax with that.”

“With that definition, we have been married since you asked me.”

“Mmhmm.” I kissed the cord of his neck. “Cullen is going to give me a courting gift.”

“I am glad to hear it.” He said honestly. 

“May I be present when you exchange them?” Desire asked.

"It depends on how it works out. I don't mind." I lifted my head to look at her. How long had she been there? Guess it really didn't matter. She was back in Poison Ivy’s shape and looking at us with her head tilted curiously. Solas tipped his head back to look at her, but made no move to push me off of him or cover us up. 

“Well met, Desire.”

“Well met, Pride.” She replied, and then turned into a dark skinned elf with black curls in a halo around his ears. “Your desire for each other made the fade shudder.”

“Forgive us, I thought I had warded against that better.”

“I did not mind.” She laughed and then turned into… me. “Will it feel strange to be kept to one form?”

“It will at first, but it will quickly become natural.” Solas said. “After some time, and with effort, you may be able to alter your form in the physical for different lengths of time depending on your strengths. Shapeshifting is a talent that can be learned.”

I sat up and shifted so he could rise and face her comfortably, and then tucked myself back under his arm. She shifted back to the dark skinned man, and then to a mockingbird, and then to Wonder Woman before she smiled. “I shall see you when you wake. Ma serannas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long to get this out, I'm having a lot of trouble with disassociation right now so it's hard to focus. Stay safe, y'all, and don't forget to hydrate!


	50. Chapter 50

I woke up to the sound of Solas making a disgusted sound in his throat. I sleepily blinked and turned to find him magically cleaning up the dried, leftover mess from sleep sex. I huffed in amusement.

“I forgot how unpleasant that was.” He said flatly.

I started to answer, but it trailed off in a satisfied hum when I moved my legs and had a ripple of tired, achy muscles. “Can’t complain about the method of getting it though.”

He paused and gave me a slight, pleased smile. “No. I cannot. Ma serannas, vhenan.” He said softly and leaned over to kiss me. 

“We should dress before your friend comes through.” He murmured. 

I sighed and licked his ear, which had him making a choked sound and pulling back with a flush. Gods, I loved elf ears. “If I must.”

“It is not required, but there may be children present shortly after.” He said dryly.

Which, true. I went ahead and dressed in the blue dress Lahnehn had made for me. I had a feeling today was going to be formal. Ish. As formal as anything I ever did. I was about to pull on my boots when Solas hesitantly spoke up. “Ma’lath…”

“Vin?”

He held up a pair of fabric swathes in the same blue color as my dress. “May I? They would go with your dress better than the boots.”

Oh! Foot wraps. “Sure. I’ve never worn them before.” I sat down and extended a foot into the air towards him and his eyes darkened. 

“You are not wearing any small clothes.” He said as he knelt to start wrapping my feet.

“Didn’t feel like it today.” I said. “I’m planning on letting Cullen know and watch him try to stop thinking about it while I’m talking about official business with him.”

“You are an extraordinary tease.” He said with warm amusement, then nipped the inside of my thigh before going to wrap the other foot. It was kind of like some of the wraps I had seen on ballerinas. Or martial artists. I think martial artists. It was excellent arch support though. Comfortable. 

“Ditto.” 

He paused. “Dit-to?” 

“Um. It basically means likewise, or ‘back to you’.”

“Ah.” He finished wrapping my other food and then stood and extended a hand to me to help me up. Funny, but I could feel an approving thrum through the stones from where my bare heel touched them. Another kiss and we were headed for the door to the Den. I saw Felassan crouching by the cooking glyph and stirring something for Saam and wondered how exactly ‘keep him in the valley’ had turned into ‘help make breakfast’ but whatever. It happened. 

I waved good morning at Saam, and then the too familiar ringing started and this time I managed to keep my eyes open to see the spirit materialize into-

I blinked at Desire. “Um.”

That… was an alligator. A big one, bluegreen and massive and… “Oh my gods, you are absolutely gorgeous!”

She opened her mouth in an alligator grin. “I thank you.”

“May I pet you?” I gushed. She sent me a brush of acceptance and then I was draped across her scaly back. “You are absolutely stunning! Look at these scales! Your teeth! You’re a record for sure!”

She hummed in delight. “It felt right. You remember them as excellent mothers.” 

“The best reptilian mothers.” I agreed. “Very protective. I just can’t get over how beautiful you are!” 

“Tarlan’Fen?” Saam asked in a strained tone. I turned my head to see her staring at Desire with wide eyes. “What is that?”

“This is my new friend… What do you want to be called?” 

I felt her brush against my mind and then, “Pragma.”

“Ooh, enduring love. I like it. This is my new friend, Pragma.” I may or may not have been laying completely across her back because holy shit she was a giant alligator and this was awesome. 

“But… what is she?” 

“I am a desire spirit.” Pragma answered.

“Forgive me, I mean… your form.” Saam asked hesitantly. 

“Oh, she thinks of it as a ‘gator’.” Pragma supplied. “A large, carnivorous reptile that lives in water.”

“Oh, that’s right. I think there is a pond in the valley.”

“If you do not mind, I would prefer to rest in the garden. I could guard the entrance for you as I watch the mortals.” Pragma suggested. “Children play there and they are full of wisping desires.” 

“You will absolutely freak Mother Giselle out. I approve.” I impulsively pressed a mana touched kiss to the back of her head. I’d have to make a pond in the garden for her, but with magic that shouldn’t be too difficult. 

Pragma lifted herself up and opened her mouth wide and I heard a childish gasp. “Fear not, little one. You desired to see my teeth.” 

I lifted my head to see the kids all clustered close by with wide eyes. Rasa and Rosal were standing there, hand in hand, which was adorable, and Rasa pointed. “Mack?”

“I cannot conjure a light for you.” Pragma answered. “But I can give you a ride on my back, if you desire.”

I slid off with a happy grin as the kids all came forward and held their hands out for Pragma to carefully touch with her snout before they scrambled onto her back and squealed in delight as she began moving around the Den floor with ponderous reptilian grace. I brushed my skirts off and turned to Solas, who was watching the children on Pragma with a lost expression. I went over and slipped my hand into his. “What is it, ma’lath?”

“It… has been… a very long time since I have seen children play with spirits freely.” He said softly. “Compassion, Wisdom, and Rage’s forms are… conventional. Expected and easy to adjust to, but… they have no fear of Desire despite her form.”

I squeezed his hand encouragingly. “Children learn from the adults around them.”

“They do.” He exhaled. “Come, let us feed you before you rush off to work.”

Saam seemed to have gotten over her shock and shook her head as she went over and served up bowls of whatever Felassan was stirring. His purple eyes were darting between Pragma and I with an odd intensity. 

“On dhea, Felassan.” I sat down at the table and accepted the bowl of what looked like cream of wheat from Saam.

“On dhea, Tarlan’Fen.” He said and then refocused on the pot. “I will be back in the valley shortly.”

“Ah. If Terys and Wisdom are fine with you, it should be alright.” I shrugged. “I trust their judgment.” 

He paused and his eyes darted to me as Solas settled onto the floor beside me. He made an unreadable huff. “Ma nuvenin.” 

Solas handed me a spoon and spoke dryly. “Is there something you wish to say?”

“No, no. Not at all.” Felassan answered quickly. He served up the porridge type stuff into the bowls that Saam held out to him, and then after a pause added. “Your wards-”

“Would have been perfectly adequate with anyone else.” Solas snapped. 

I blinked at him and his ears were flushed and- Oh. Pragma had said we ‘shook the fade’ and Felassan was a dreamer. I snerked. 

“But it was not ‘anyone else’.” Felassan grinned, and then glanced at me and refocused on the pot with a straight face. 

I laughed, and covered my mouth with my hand to try and hold the laugh in, but this was hilarious. Solas gave me a betrayed look. “Vhenan…”

“Vin, ma’lath?” I asked in perfect, over the top innocence and stuck my spoon in my mouth. The porridge was good. The way Solas’ eyes dropped to my mouth and then he closed his eyes and sighed was better.

“Wait, were you two the reason the fade was all…” Saam gestured vaguely and her cheeks flushed violet. 

“Perhaps.” I said apologetically. 

“It will not happen again.” Solas said stiffly.

“Oh, no. I don’t mind. I was just… wondering.” Saam said, then cleared her throat and went to place a pair of bowls on the table. “Children! Eat.” 

Pragma carried them over to the table and the giggling kids scrambled off of her back to sit down and eat. She made a deep, rumbling sound that was very familiar from growing up. Gators in the swamp at night.

“I missed that sound.”

“I know.” 

I sent her a brush of grateful mana for giving me a sound from my past life. The Dalish sisters emerged from one of the rooms and froze at the sight of Pragma. Rage waddled out past them and then came up to peck Pragma on the snout and they started the sil ent stare off of spirits communicating. 

“On dhea.” I called to Dalinev and Inar. “Come join us for breakfast.”

“Creators…” Dalinev breathed. “What is that?”

Solas tensed but I elbowed him. “It is an alligator, a creature native to my birthland. Her name is Pragma, she is my friend .” 

They hesitated, but sat across the table from me. At least they dug into the porridge type stuff without hesitation. Rosal and Rasa wiggled in next to them and ate messily, apparently already fast friends. 

“How are you finding the pack so far?” I asked conversationally.

Dalinev wiped Rosal’s mouth with a rag. “It is… complex, yet familiar in a...” She glanced at Pragma and then to the sun spell. “Strange way.” 

“You get used to it fairly quickly.” Lahnehn said as she stepped in to wipe Rasa’s mouth. “When she first started gathering her pack, we were living in a tree and she was getting in fights with soldiers to protect us. Now we have the Den and she’s getting in fights with Spymasters to protect us.” 

“It was not a fight.” I protested. “It was a demonstration and demand.” 

“Speaking of, Lady Wolf.” Onhalla called from the ramp. “I believe that there are many demands on your time this morning if you are done eating.”

“Alright, I’ll be right there.” I shoveled the last of the porridge into my mouth and stood, then put my hand on Solas’ shoulder. “Do you know the most efficient way to place a pond in the garden large enough to accomodate Pragma?”

He turned his head to press a kiss to my wrist. “I will think on it. Shall I track you down for dinner? I fear you will grow distracted on the first day of your return.”

“Of course.” I brushed the line of his ear with the back of my fingers and it flushed red in the wake of my touch. “Who’s going with me today?” I called out.

“We are.” Sa’nehn said. He and Thom were coming out of one of the rooms in matching armor with…

“No…” I groaned and covered my face with my hands. It had a six eyed wolf in swirling, stylized red lines on the breastplate. An exact copy of Fen’Harel’s vallaslin that I had worn for months. A slave marking on my pack. It made my stomach turn. “Just. No.” I shook my head and walked towards them and I felt Rage give me a brush of- Oh. I held my hands over the painted lines and let Rage guide my mana and changed the stark red slave lines to the simple wolf head on the pack charms. 

“I told her you would not like that.” Sa’nehn said as he inspected the new artwork. “She insisted it was more elegant.”

“I don’t care if it’s more elegant. I don’t want that on any of you. It’s not...” I may have growled a little under my breath. “Right.” 

“Isn’t that your mark?” Thom asked in perplexion. “They said…”

“It’s a binding I refuse to allow.” I interrupted him, then sighed. “It’s… complicated.”

Thom shrugged. “Very well.”

“That… that was the Dread Wolf.” Dalinev whispered. “Why is…?”

I turned to see her staring at me with her arms clutched tightly around Rosal. Solas rolled his eyes and scoffed and I pointed at him sharply. “Not a word.” 

Felassan’s eyebrows were somewhere near his hairline as he watched.

I rubbed my eyes and tried to think. “While I’m not Dalish, I have a… complicated relationship with Fen’Harel and related imagery, and humans tend to… misunderstand.”

Felassan snickered, coughed, and cleared his throat before falling silent. Inar spoke next, hesitantly. “You…? Do not...”

“I really, really don’t fear the Dread Wolf.” Anymore. “Ugh, I’m going to have words with  Josephine about this. She really should have listened to you.” 

Onhalla called out from the ramp again. “Do I have to come down there and get you?”

“No, I’m coming up!” 

“Complicated, vhenan?” Solas snarked and I stuck my tongue out at him.

“Behave, punk.” 

“Ditto.” He said dryly.

That was. Hilarious. I smiled at him and then turned to go to the stairs and Thom and Sa’nehn fell into step behind me at each shoulder, their steps eerily in sync. I stopped and they stopped. I frowned back at them. “That’s creepy.”

Sa’nehn shrugged and grinned cheekily. “You’ll get used to it.” 

Ugh. Fine. Rage waddled up and Sa’nehn collected Wisdom and I gathered up my skirts and started up the ramp. Onholla met me halfway up and bumped my forehead before launching right into the most urgent things of the day. By the time we reached the gardens I had signed two papers and was discussing a third with Onhalla when I realized that something had changed. I paused and looked and there, where the gazebo used to be... was a screened in office. They had closed it in with half walls and grated up the upper half to allow light, air, and sound to pass through while keeping it impassible. I could see a desk with a pair of comfortable chairs through the grated windows, and a pair of chairs by the door. There was a couch covered in cushions against one wall, and a chest and bookshelves. Above the door, was a sign. 

Mahn’Fen’hartha. 

Where the wolf listens. Or, Where Fen listens. 

“Oh.” The sound slipped out as I stared at it in wonder. They had painted it bright blue and yellow and there were little stone lined garden beds surrounding it with herbs growing. I walked up and felt the shimmer of my packs’ magics clinging to the door as I pushed it open. There was a latch so I could hook the door to stay open and allow people in. The amount of thought that had gone into this… There were blankets on the floor by the desk for Wisdom and Rage, and a little chalked off area with stuffed nugs and carved toys for when I had kids with me. They had even painted a little note by the chalked off area: “an’fenlinen”. Place of the wolf cubs. Mage lights flickered on the ceiling, and I could sense warming glyphs in the floor and walls. 

“How… how did I not see this?” I had walked right by it. I put my hand on the desk and felt that it was made from wood from our valley.

“Ser Wolf hid it until we were ready to show you.” Sa’nehn said proudly.

I abruptly burst into tears and whirled to grab Thom and Sa’nehn into a hug. “Thank you! Thank you so much, I can’t- This is everything-” 

I felt them hug me back and then Thom’s awkward murmur. “Does this mean she likes it?”

I laughed wetly as Onhalla scoffed. “Yes, it means she loves it.” 

I hugged them until I regained control of my tear ducts. This was so enormously thoughtful and I loved them so much. Then I pulled back, wiped my face, smoothed my skirts, and sat down behind the desk. Onhalla sat ignore the seat beside me, Sa’nehn and Thom took the chairs by the door (after hooking it open), and Wisdom and Rage curled up together on the blankets nearby. I frowned down at Wisdom. 

"I think we need a little cushioned shelf by the windows so Wisdom can see out."

Onhalla made a note with a smile, and then we dove into the mountain of letters and papers that she hadn't felt comfortable handling herself. There was a disturbing amount of letters from nobles from… everywhere. Most just letters of introduction, which I responded to politely. A few letters with requests to use my influence to sway Kost on matters, I politely but firmly declined and set those aside to give to Leliana. I had a feeling she could use them. A few of the letters I set aside to ask Vivienne about later, they tripped my Significant sense.

"I need a runner." I muttered. 

"What about the new girl?" Onhalla suggested. "The Inquisition would hire her as an aid for you as they did Jim for the Grand Enchantress."

That was an excellent idea. "I'll ask her tonight."

There was a knock at the door and I looked up to see Cullen standing awkwardly with a sheaf of papers in one hand and a basket in the other. 

"The door is open, dharlin." I smiled brightly at him.

He returned the smile. "I'm afraid I have some business to discuss, but Mina sent lunch for us."

Thom stood and moved his chair to the desk, then he and Sa’nehn both pointedly stepped outside the door. 

Well. "Come sit down and show me what you have." 

"And that is my signal to take a break." Onhalla said cheerfully as she set aside her pen and stood. "I'll be back in an hour."

Cullen flushed and bowed slightly as she passed before sitting down across the desk from me. "That was…"

"Terribly un-subtle of them." I laughed. "Well, to be fair, I am wearing a dress and no small clothes and it would be terribly easy for things to get out of hand."

He inhaled sharply and I grinned at him as I started unpacking the basket. Ooh, those fish pies! 

"You said we had business to attend to?" I asked innocently. 

He blinked and then flushed and laid the papers down on the desk. We ate and discussed some of the proposed changes to Skyhold and a little about housing for the ever growing army and I greatly enjoyed watching him try to focus while I was licking mint sauce off of my fingers. 

"I think renovating the prisons into a barracks would be a better use of resources. It needs to be stabilized anyway."

"Perhaps, but…" He trailed off as I pulled my finger from my mouth and then covered his face with his hand. "I cannot think when I see you doing…"

"Do I need to come sit in your lap while we talk?" I smirked and stretched my foot out under the desk to nudge his leg.

"That would not help." He laughed, and then caught my foot and scooted closer to the desk so it was resting on his leg. His thumb dug into the fabric wrapped arch of my foot and I may have moaned. "That does not either." He said and then proceeded to give an excellent foot massage as he tried to convince me that I actually needed a prison in my castle. 

Which, he was very good with his fingers but, "if you want a prison you will have to build it yourself outside of my castle. I refuse. Politely."

Cullen sighed in defeat but, the stubborn man, tried again. "The Inquisition-"

"Can sort out its own issues with caging people. I won't build the cages for you."

He grimaced. “I don’t like it when you phrase it like that.”

“It’s what they are.” I shrugged. “Prettying the word serves no one but the cage owners.”

He frowned thoughtfully, then let my foot go with a sigh. “Very well. We do need more room for the new recruits. I’ll let the Inquisitor figure that out.” 

“I’ll send a note to Terys about your agreement.” I smiled and jotted down a note. 

“Did you tell him to fix the roof in my room?” Cullen asked quietly.

“I didn’t.” I looked up to find him petting Wisdom. Rage had his head pressed to his side blissfully. “He did that on his own apparently. Is it alright?” 

“It… is warmer than I’m used to. I’m sure you will appreciate the change.” He said with a touch of amusement, then his face lit up with realization before he blushed. “Ah.” 

I laughed and nudged him with my foot again fondly. Before I could say anything, a runner came in, hesitating at the door before knocking, despite it being open. “Commander?”

“Well. Duty calls.” 

I spotted Onhalla behind the runner and nodded. “For me as well. May I have a kiss before we part?”

“Oh. Um.” He glanced at the runner uncomfortably.

“You don’t have to, it’s alright.” I reassured him.

“Perhaps…” He stood and then came around the desk and held out his hand. I put mine in his and he bent to brush a kiss to the backs of my fingers. “Lady Wolf.”

The sweet gesture heated my ears up and I smiled at him fondly. “Ser Dharlin.” 

He gave me an open smile, pulled adorably crooked by the scar on his lip, before releasing my hand and turning his attention to the runner and exiting. I may have leaned back in my seat and fanned myself as Onhalla came in with a smirk.

“The Madame de Fer requested I inform you that if you meet with her within the hour, there will be cake.” 

Bribe heard and accepted. 

She was in the tea room from last time, but there were no servants this time. Instead, she opened the door for me and served us the tea herself. Thom and Sa’nehn stayed outside to guard. I waited for her to speak because she seemed to be moving with the methodical exactness that spoke of emotional distress. 

The tea was sweet and tasted like mint.

“Castellan…” She began and then stopped and stared at her tea cup before trying again. “Fenenansal. I received a message while I was out with the Inquisitor. It said that you had told the Spymaster I had need of a white wyvern heart and that one had been acquired and preserved for me.”

I gave her a smile. “I’m glad they found it.” 

“I didn’t know what it was for.” She said quietly. “I sent a few messages, pulled a few favors.” She sipped her tea before setting aside the cup and serving us both large slices of a dark cake. “It’s for a potion, isn’t it?”

“As far as I know, yes.” 

“With an ingredient to narrow the search… I found a potion that could-” She paused. “Months, perhaps years before I would have found it alone and then I would have still had to track down and find the necessary ingredients.” 

“I hope it can help.” I wasn’t sure what she was angling for, but I was willing to wait and let her talk.

Wisdom jumped up into Vivienne’s lap and she let out a soft ‘oh’ before beginning to pet her. I tried the cake. It was coffee and chocolate. My favorite.

“I do not profess to know you well, but from what I do know… I am going to do you the favor of being blunt.” She sighed and looked at me. “What do you expect in return for this… monumental favor?”

I blinked at her. Oh. “I… actually didn’t expect anything.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly and I shrugged. “I really didn’t. I… had information that could possibly help, so I gave it.”

“You do not like me.” She said. “You do not care for the Game or for my opinions.”

“I wouldn't say that I don’t like you.” I protested. “I’m just understandably cautious because you are a very talented, powerful woman. But yes, I don’t like the game and I think you hold some opinions that are against everything I believe right.”

“Then why would you do this for me without expecting anything?” She said as if she had made her point.

“Not to sound melodramatic, but… that’s what I do.” 

“Vir’Fenes.” 

“Exactly.” 

She sat back and regarded me shrewdly, petting Wisdom and drawing loud purrs from her. “You hid Countess D’Aboville from her husband. He was a powerful man. Horrid, but well connected.”

I took a bite of cake and didn’t say anything.

“You asked for nothing from her. I spoke to her and her cousin. They think highly of you. Hiding them at great risk to yourself, and then jumping between them and Antione’s sword… very dramatic, dear.”

“I do have a taste for dramatics at times.” 

“Chancellor Roderick claims that while you are not Andrastian, you have been quite helpful and understanding concerning his plight of faith.”

Um. 

“The Spymaster wears knitted lace on her boots.”

Was this just a laundry list of things I did?

“You rescued the Seekers and rode after the Commander and came back with a group of underfed elves.” She sighed. “The list goes on. From the view of the game… you are an accomplished manipulator, using your professed way of life to garner good will and allies and-” She held up a hand to cut off my protests. “And by the clear reactions and expressions you bear, you are horrified by the thought. Fenenansal… I do not understand you.”

“I… get that a lot?” 

“The first time I encountered you, you were distracting me.” There was a slight smile in the corner of her mouth. “Because I had upset one of your people. As… foreign as it is for me to believe this, I… think you are simply a rare and helpful person, if chaotic.”

Fair enough. 

“Mother Giselle fears your growing power.”

“Um.” 

“Like it or not, dear, you have it.” Vivienne scoffed delicately. “And I am not so much a fool as to not be able to guess which of the two of you will win a battle of wills.”

I turned that carefully over in my head. “Do you… are you asking for something?”

She laughed. “Only that if I happen to offend again, you tell me so I can make amends before you resort to vermin in my belongings.”

“I can easily agree to that.”

“Thank you.” She tilted her head slightly.

I hesitated before asking. “Lady Vivienne. I received some letters from some nobles and I’m afraid I feel quite out of my depth with them. I know they mean  _ something _ but I can’t quite figure out what. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, would you look over them and help me? I don’t want to accidentally offend or agree to something I don’t understand.”

She sipped her tea and regarded me. “You would trust me with your correspondence?” 

I glanced at Wisdom with a silent brush for help.  _ She could mislead you or use your connections and information for her own gain. She is surprised you would trust her with such an intimate thing. She was under the impression you hated her. _

“I don’t hate you.” I blurted out.

Her eyes widened a fraction.

“And yes. I would trust you with these letters. You’re not malicious.” I tapped my fingers against my own tea cup in thought. “I would expect you to use whatever information you gathered, because you run by a different set of rules than I do. I accept that, might even consider it fair trade for your help.” I lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “I need help, and I think you’re the best person to ask.” 

“Not the spymaster?” 

“I am half terrified of her, honestly. But yes, not the spymaster. I pass on some information to her, but I wouldn’t trust her to be honest with me if she thought it wouldn’t suit her purposes.” 

“But you do me?” She was trying to stay even, but her voice wavered slightly in surprise.

“I trust that you would be honest with me, and use the information to suit your purposes.” I lifted a shoulder in a shrug and took another bite of cake. It really was delicious. “It seems mutually beneficial.”

She regarded me sharply over her tea cup before humming. “Very well. I will assist you.”

I grinned at her, openly relieved. “Thank you. My pack made an office for me in the garden. Whenever you have a spare minute or two you are welcome to drop by. I’ll try to make sure there is tea.”

We sipped our tea and ate our cake, and she somehow drew me into a retelling of my trip and actually teased me about my taste in men. When it was time for me to leave… I impulsively grabbed her in another hug. She let out another soft ‘oh’ and then awkwardly patted my shoulder.

We parted ways pleasantly and I was feeling a bit… Pleased? About the interaction. I was feeling pleased and like maybe Vivienne and I could find some mutual ground. I was feeling pleased, so of course I ran into Cassandra.

“Castellan.” She said as she stalked towards me. “Seeker Daniel wishes to speak to you.”

That… was low. I narrowed my eyes at her but tilted my head. “Lead on.” 

We walked through the hallways and Cassandra shortened her strides so she was walking beside me. It was odd how easily she was able to ignore Sa’nehn and Thom’s presence. Then again, she was technically a princess. She was probably used to guards. She folded her arms behind her back. “I do not know how much your dreams reveal to you… But what we found was as you said.” She inhaled slowly. “I… have the…”

“I know.” I said gently. “Do you have questions?”

“The… Rite…” She trailed off.

“Is reversible.” I agreed. “It’s been reversed four times in Skyhold already. I’ve been keeping it mostly secret to avoid the Chantry’s anger.” 

She froze midstep. I picked up Wisdom and petted her as I faced her cautiously and waited for her to process that. “But… they go mad…” She said quietly.

“In a way. It takes a little time, and a lot of patience and help, but they recover.” 

“Time…” she murmured. “You… knew before…”

“I’ve known, and acted on it.” I agreed. “I won’t tell you who, because that is their choice and I won’t take their choice from them.” 

She blinked as if trying not to cry. “How are you so… certain in what you do?”

“Vir’Fenes.” I was ready to quote the thing again but she started speaking first.

“ I do not do these things in the hopes of being rewarded. I do not do these things out of fear of punishment. I do these things because I know them to be right.” she said quietly. And what? “The Commander told me of your oath when I spoke to him.”

“It’s not an oath.”

She waved a hand dismissively and started walking again. “A… code perhaps. It… is good. Different than… any I have come across before.”

“Kind.”

“Yes. To… the extreme, I suppose.” 

“That is my stick.” I conceded. “Be kind recklessly.” 

“Recklessly kind.” She repeated, then laughed and pushed open a door. “That is fitting for you.” 

Thom and Sa’nehn looked inside and then took up their posts outside the door. Seeker Daniel was in the room, leaning on a cane. He looked much, much better than last I had seen him, but still weak. The circles under his eyes weren’t as hollow and he gave me a smile that looked honest. “Hello.”

“Hello.” I set Wisdom down so she could go gently inspect his legs. “I don't know if you remember, but we met briefly when you arrived in Skyhold. I’m Fen.”

He nodded slightly. “I remember. You glowed.”

“Ah. Sorry about that. It happens. Cassandra said you wanted to see me?” 

“It wasn’t anything so formal.” He huffed, and then winced and sat down in a nearby chair. “I simply wanted to meet you in truth. You have made quite the interesting name for yourself and I was hoping you’d indulge an invalid and let me find the woman behind the legend.”

“Um.” I plopped onto the floor and Wisdom crawled into my lap. “I don't know how to respond to that. I took Fenvir with me so there shouldn’t have been too many stories.” 

“I may have told him of the time you raced through Skyhold on fire to face Leliana.” Cassandra admitted sheepishly as she moved to pour Daniel a drink of water.

“Ah. I was angry. It happens.” I shrugged. Daniel made a tight sort of smile as he accepted the water glass and Cassandra sat stiffly in another chair. Something was off… There was something more than idle curiosity. “You have questions. About my dreams.”

Daniel blinked and then smiled uneasily. “Yes… but only if you do not mind.”

“I’ll answer what I can and stay silent on the rest with no ill will.” I hedged. 

“I can respect that, Castellan.” He nodded his head and looked at Cassandra. “I have spoken to Cas-excuse me. Seeker Pentaghast and she has told me quite a bit.” He gave me a slightly rueful laugh. “Where do your ‘dreams’ come from do you think?”

Titles. Formal. “That’s an interesting question. Some dreams can be attributed to your brain sifting through information in an uncontrolled manner. Some are memories or events affected by the fade or purposefully manipulated to be pleasant. Some are gifted. Some are found.” I shrugged. “What is a dream? A memory not your own? A story found in sleeping? A vision?” 

He smiled but it was tight like that wasn’t what he was hoping for. “Castellan, I-“ he stopped himself, then shook his head and sighed. “I will be honest and straightforward. Seeker Cassandra told me of you, of your dreams and gifts. I am grateful as it has saved my life but… I have my reservations.”

“It’s strange, unknown, and you fear it.” I lifted a shoulder in a shrug and smiled. “I understand to a point.”

“To a point?” Cassandra interjected.

“Say you walk into a room and you see a lever in the middle of the floor. What do you do? Some would leave it be, but some would pull it. Say you pull the lever, and immediately you are burned. What then? Some would leave the lever be, and others would ask, ‘does it burn you every time’, and would pull it again.” 

“You are speaking in riddles.” Cassandra sighed, but it was the sort of fond exasperation she reserved for friends.

“I tend to do so.” I agreed. “But what I mean is, some people avoid the unknown, some are willing to look, but avoid it if unpleasant, and some search the unknown out to try and understand it. Curiosity is an essential ingredient to wisdom.”

_ That is my line. _ Wisdom prodded me mentally. 

“You’re very evasive.” Daniel commented.

I laughed. “Yes. To be honest, I’m humoring you because I’ve never seen you alive for more than a few sentences before and I’m curious and don’t want the conversation to end yet.”

“You would have made an excellent Seeker.” Cassandra said.

My smile fell. “I would have made a terrible Seeker, Cassandra. I highly doubt I would have even gotten that far. I am a bit… resistant to authority, dear. Even if I didn’t get booted out for being a rebellious little shit, I would never have made it through the vigil. I like my emotions. No, I’m a trickster, a punk, and an agent of chaos.” 

Daniel leaned back in his seat and frowned, but it looked like he was more perplexed than angry. “I don’t believe I have heard that before.” He cocked his head slightly. “Punk?”

I may have giggled. “A punk is a rebel, someone who defies expectations put on them by society. Anti authority. Recklessly kind.” I did a half bow while still sitting. “Such as me, who will happily chase a templar out of my garden if it upsets one of my wolves.” 

They both turned that over and then Daniel made a slight grimace. “If we are satisfying curiosity… you said you had seen me?”

I focused on Wisdom’s fur. “Hollow eyes and dark veins crawling up an ashen neck. ‘There are other ways of putting a demon in someone. I can feel it’, voice cracked, weak. Mercy’s sword from the teacher to end the pain.” I exhaled sharply. “But that didn’t happen.” I gave him a small smile. “And you are here… healing.”

Both of them were staring at me with distinctly horrified expressions.

“So… um. You still want to know about my dreams? Or would you like to pet the fluffiest cat in the world?”

“The cat. Please.” Daniel blurted out. 


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit content is marked off with asterisks for easy skipping :)

Solas collected me for dinner after a very busy day of catching up on paperwork and people and stuff. I enjoyed catching up with the pack, and passed out into a dreamless sleep until I was woken by being pounced on by a bunch of kids eager to have cuddles and pancakes for breakfast.

Solas had figured out how to create the pond, and it would require more magic than he had readily available. We discussed it over breakfast, which led to me watching Felassan narrowly, as he was the other mage familiar with this type of magic, as the guy… seemed to be keeping Solas between me and himself. Margaret was acting as my only guard for the day. I still needed to pick a fourth, but had no idea who or how. I’d probably go ahead and ask Cullen for his pick. 

Anyway, Fenvir came with us to help. He wasn’t a mage, but said that we could still draw energy from him. By the admiring way he kept running a hand over Pragma’s snout I think he just wanted to be near her. Terys came because he was sort of in charge of keeping an eye on Felassan. We pulled Felassan out of the Den and he blinked at the sight of the garden. “Fascinating…” 

Okay? I closed my eyes and reached for the stones with a query. Where? I followed the ponderous considering of the stones and then opened my eyes when they felt satisfied. It was a corner of the garden, still run down and yet to be repaired and planted. It had a straight line of sight to both the Den entrance and my office. “Here.” 

Pragma made a delighted rumble of approval. I had explained that it might be best if she didn’t talk outside of the Den and she had agreed. Solas nodded and stepped forward, as did Felassan. They focused and I watched in fascination as they directed tightly controlled waves of fade magic to begin hollowing out the corner of the garden. Fenvir sat down and closed his eyes and I sensed his aura being drawn into the other two.

“What are you- Maker preserve us!” Mother Giselle’s voice drew my attention away from the pond. She was flanked by two sisters and all of them were staring wide-eyed at Pragma.

“Hello, Mother Giselle.” I gave her a polite smile. “We are just working on some garden renovations. We’re building a pond. If you have any aquatic or semi aquatic plants you would like to see placed beyond the regular useful herbs, please leave a note in my office and I will see what I can do.” There. Polite, nice, helpful. 

“W-what is that?” Giselle’s voice wavered as she pointed at Pragma.

“Oh, this is Pragma. She is an alligator, a creature from my birthland.” I smiled again and wrapped my arms around Pragma’s neck. They barely went halfway around. “She’s my friend. She’ll be living in the pond we’re creating.”

“Castellan! Really, that is far too much!” Mother Giselle said, her knuckles pale with how tightly she was gripping her own fingers. “That… creature is not safe to allow in a public garden!”

“She’s perfectly safe.” I argued, then pressed a kiss to Pragma’s beautiful scales. “Aren’t you, sweetheart?”

Pragma opened her mouth in an alligator grin and I stood and ran a hand along her snout as the sisters stepped back with frightened squeaks. 

“She’s perfectly safe. In fact, I hardly think you will see her much. Alligators tend to spend most of their time in the water mostly submerged. They’re ambush predators, you see?” I slipped my hand into Pragma’s open mouth to touch one of her massive teeth. “They wait, perfectly camouflaged in the water for an animal to wander close, and then they leap out of the water, propelled by their powerful tail, seize the animal with their jagged teeth, and drag it into the water to drown in a beautiful ‘death roll’. If it’s small enough, they’ll swallow it whole, and if it’s too large, they’ll trap it under water to rot until it’s soft enough for them to tear chunks off of and swallow. They are amazing creatures.” 

“You- You want to allow  _ that _ monstrosity in the gardens?” Giselle’s voice went a bit shrill.

“Sure! I used to live above a whole bunch of them. You just have to respect them. Well… I mean, we did have ‘gator wrestlers’ who would fight them with their bare hands. It was one of the best ways to get them out of your swimming pool and back into the swamp.” I said brightly. I had realized at this point I was being intimidating by accident but… oh well. 

“You  _ lived _ with those creatures? That… certainly explains quite a bit.” Giselle said faintly. 

I grinned with all of my teeth. “It does, doesn’t it? Anyway, thank you for your concern. I’ll be sure to put up a sign warning that there is an alligator in the pond. Not that she’ll cause any trouble.” I moved and perched on Pragma’s scaly back. Mother Giselle’s eyes flicked from me to Pragma’s open mouth before pressing her lips together.

“And the children?”

“Will be perfectly safe.” I said evenly. I could respect that concern. “I would not allow a threat near children. Pragma may look fierce, but she will never harm a child. The children among my people have played with her, ridden on her back, and she is fiercely protective of them. Alligators are excellent mothers.”

Terys and Margaret had stepped closer as I had spoken with Mother Giselle and Margaret moved to deliberately pet Pragma’s snout. Pragma, for her part, was listening raptly, though she kept prodding me mentally with amusement. 

“Would you like to pet her?” I offered. Pragma rumbled and I could feel it in my bones.

Mother Giselle shook her head. “No. Thank you.” She pressed her lips together, then inclined her head and swept off.

“I highly suspect that is not the last we will hear of this.” I laughed. Then set about finding a board to make a sign with while Felassan, Solas, and Fenvir created the pond. Margaret ended up painting it as she had the steadiest hand out of all of us, and I ended up going over papers with Onhalla from Pragma’s back. 

“Andraste’s tits, she wasn’t exaggerating!” Leliana’s shocked voice made me look up from the report I had been going over. She was staring at Pragma in impressed horror.

“Hello, Spymaster. May I help you?”

She smoothed her face out and tucked her hands behind her back. “Castellan. May I inquire as to how you managed to… acquire this ‘alligator’?”

“She asked and I said yes.” I grinned innocently. 

“She… asked?” Leliana said delicately.

“Alligators are intelligent creatures, and Pragma is a queen among gaters.”

Leliana seemed to accept that was all of the information I was going to give her. “But… in the gardens, Castellan?”

“She’s one of a kind, exotic, beautiful. I’m sure you and the Ambassador can use having such a magnificent being residing in the gardens to the Inquisitor’s benefit.” I pointed out. “And I would not allow her here if I did not think she was perfectly safe for children.” 

Leliana eyed Pragma for a moment before smiling. “Indeed. Thank you for your time, Castellan.” She inclined her head and swept off. 

That… should be most of the drama involving this, hopefully. So I turned my attention back to Solas and Felassan. They were magically filling the pond with water and I slipped off of Pragma’s back to open myself up and watch what they were doing. It was like an ice spell… but with a twist and…

I lifted my hand and tried to mimic them- whoops! Too much! That was like a waterspout. I thought I heard Felassan snerk but ignored him in favor of trying out the new trick. It took a bit of tweaking, but then I was conjuring water in a steady flow and adding to the pond. I felt a warning nudge from Pragma and ended the spell and closed myself off. I did feel a little drained, but not badly. 

And there, shimmering in the sunlight, was a gorgeous pond. Pragma let out a delighted rumble and slipped into the water in a graceful slide of scales, then turned and hauled herself back out of the water.  _ It is cold. _

“It’ll warm up in the sunlight.” I assured her. “As will you. Sunbathing is an excellent passtime.” 

I felt a gentle press on my mind from her and opened myself, letting her shift through my memories of alligators and Crocodiles laying on banks in the sun, mouths open to the birds.  _ They are cold of blood _ .

“Yes. They use the sun to keep themselves warm. Here let me…” I sat down by the pond bank and gathered up every fact I knew about alligators and crocodiles and sent them to her best I could, letting her in to explore if she wanted more detail. She spent quite a bit of time running through my memories of death rolls and gater wrestling, which was a little concerning, but hey, fascination ran in odd directions. Eventually I ran out of ‘gator facts’ and closed myself off after a brush of gratitude. I felt a ghost of a headache behind my temples, but it was probably just from concentrating. 

The others were staring at me with fascination and I blinked up at them. “What?”

“You were still for quite some time, my lady.” Terys said.

“Oh, I was talking to Pragma.” I waved a hand between my head and Pragma, who was settling down with her mouth open, just as I remembered. 

Saam came out of the den with a wheelbarrow full of Blood, Black, and Dawn lotus seedlings. “We have a pond now. We can grow more than just in a bucket.” She said sheepishly with a lift of her shoulder. 

“Infinitely practical.” I grinned. Today was apparently a gardening day, and I was so here for that. All of us set to work planting the aquatic herbs in the sun. Well, Onhalla left to go speak with Josephine.

“My Lady Wolf.” Fenvir spoke hesitantly after a while.

I looked up from the seedling I was helping root. “Yes?”

He shifted nervously for a moment before he dropped to one knee in front of me. “I would ask you to free me.”

To what? He wasn’t a prisoner? What…? I looked at Solas and Felassan, who were watching me with similarly blank expressions. Free- oh! Oh. 

I moved so I was sitting in front of him, so we were on equal level. “Your vallaslin?”

“Vin. I would ask you to remove it.” 

“Of course.” I said softly.

He smiled, open and relieved, and I lifted my hands to hover over his face and channeled the spell I had only used once before on myself. It took a little more mana than mine had, it felt like there was some resistance, but I just focused, and there… His vallaslin was gone. “Ane mala vasreëm.” I murmured.  _ Now you are free. _

Fenvir let out a shaky, shuddering breath. He smiled and blinked and he was crying as he leaned forward to press his forehead against mine. “Ma serannas, Tarlan’Fen.” 

I pulled him into a proper hug, which he returned tightly before pulling back with a bright but watery grin. “I… think I will go run.” 

I laughed and nodded. “Whatever you feel like.”

“Yes.” The word sounded a bit wondering, and then he was moving into the entrance to the Den. 

I sat back on my heels, feeling slightly giddy, and then Solas was in front of me, holding his hand out towards me. His eyes were dark and his tone was low. “My lady, would you walk with me?”

“Of course, ma’lath.” I accepted his hand and allowed him to pull me to my feet. I recognized that expression and tone. It led to nice things.

An assumption that was proved right when he pulled me into my office and threw up a privacy ward before abruptly pressing me against the door and kissing me fev erishly. I caught a flash of red and heard a strangled noise and then Solas’ mouth was on my jaw and I forgot to think about it.

“You amazing, beautiful punk.” He whispered against my ear.

*

*

*

I gasped out a laugh as he followed the words with a nip to my ear and then his hands were pulling at the laces of my pants and I started pulling at his and I scraped my teeth over the cord of his neck and he gasped and began speaking in a stream of elvhen as he yanked my pants off and then slid his fingers into me, kissing me as I kicked my legs out of the fabric and moaned as he worked those wonderful fingers of his inside me.

_ “Your passion ignites a flame in me, my love.“ _

I whimpered as he fucked into my mouth with his tongue and into my cunt with his fingers and finally I managed to get him free from his pants and wrap my fingers around his cock. He gasped and there was a weird echo in it, but then his hands were under my thighs and he lifted me up against the door and thrust into me in a spear of pleasure. 

“Maker’s breath.” 

My eyes flew open and I clenched around Solas at the unexpected sound of Cullen’s voice. Solas stilled after a startled jerk of his hips and I saw his jaw tighten as he trembled against me.

“Commander. Are you comfortable with being present for this? I would rather not stop.” Solas gasped out. 

I peered over Solas’ shoulder to find a very red faced Cullen standing by my desk with a crumpled paper in his hands, but his eyes were very much fixed on us. 

“Are you alright with watching, ma’dharlin? Because this feels very good.” 

He nodded shakily, then cleared his throat. “Yes, if… that is alright.”

Solas let out a relieved curse and started thrusting into me again without hesitation, pulling my hips towards him for a better angle and all I could do was hang onto his shoulders and brace my own against the door and ride out the insistent pleasure. Solas buried his face in the crook of my neck and I tilted my head to allow him access as he set his talented tongue to work and I felt a rush of heat as my eyes locked with Cullen’s.

Even though his face was red, his eyes were dark and fixed intently on us, and when Solas found a particularly wonderful angle and I moaned, he exhaled shakily and adjusted himself. The knowledge that he was enjoying the sight of Solas and I was a heady thing, and it didn't take long for the demanding drive of Solas’ cock inside me to tip me over into my orgasm. I clung to Solas, riding out the sparking curls of pleasure as he chased his own release, his breath hot and ragged on my throat. I opened up and stroked my aura against his in a slide of heat and love and he let out a shout and slammed into me once more and stayed pressed into me, shaking as he spent.

"Ma serannas, ma'fen'harel." Solas murmured once he had stopped trembling.  _ My thanks, my rebel wolf. _

"I emma, ma'lath'fen."  _ And mine, my wolf love.  _ I kissed him softly, still feeling the aftershocks of coming. I expected him to lower my feet to the floor and withdraw, but instead he readjusted his grip on me and hefted me up away from the door and carried me to my desk. I heard Cullen make a strangled noise in his throat as Solas laid me down on it and I smiled blissfully up at him as Solas pulled out of me.

"Would you like to have her, Commander?" Solas said with a smirk tucked in the corner of his mouth as he magically cleaned himself and relaced his pants.

I exhaled shakily at the thought and propped myself up on my elbows to catch Cullen’s eye. He looked stunned and nodded absently before abruptly looking away and rubbing the back of his neck. "I…"

"If you would like to, I would very much like to have the both of you, dharlin." I said encouragingly. "But only if you wish."

"Maker, yes." He blurted out as if the words had been punched from him.

Solas bent and gave me a sweet kiss before stepping away and taking a seat in my chair. I reached out with my leg and nudged Cullen’s hip with my leg as he seemed frozen in place. He caught my ankle and then moved towards me as if compelled, his callused fingers sliding up my leg until he was standing between my thighs, holding them open easily. He paused, his eyes fixed on my cunt, and swallowed thickly.

"I do not believe you can bring her pleasure with your eyes alone, Commander." Solas said in an amused tone. I gave him a scolding glance and found him sprawled languidly in my chair, apparently settled in to watch. 

Cullen flushed further and I half feared he was going to burst into flame with how red he was. I felt his fingers on my thighs twitch, one after the other, and then he let out a shaky breath and one hand slid to my inner thigh and then his fingers pressed into me and I moaned happily at the sensation and let myself fall back to the desk to enjoy his tentative exploration.

"If you turn your hand slightly and crook your fingers, she makes a delightful noise." Solas said in the same fascinated tone he discussed the fade, and then Cullen did just that and I clenched around his fingers and half curled up with a keening sound in my chest as he found-

"Fenedhis!" I gasped. "Again, please!" and Cullen obliged and then Solas was coaching him into drawing another orgasm from me with his fingers and I was drowning in the beautiful sounds of Solas’ voice and Cullen’s breathy curses, and then, at Solas’ instruction, Cullen was bent over me and kissing me and I fucked into his mouth with my tongue in time with his fingers fucking into me until we were both gasping messes. 

His hand on my hip disappeared at a murmured command from Solas and then a moment later his fingers pulled out of me only to be replaced by the head of his cock and I nearly wailed at the overwhelming pleasure of it all as he eased himself into me. 

I clung to the fur of his cloak as he thrust into me, every nerve singing and burning in the same contrast of the cold metal of his armor against my chest and the slick heat of him moving inside me. His movements grew erratic and I threw a leg over his hip to draw him in closer. He gasped into my mouth and drove into me with several sharp, slamming thrusts that I knew I was going to feel later, and then curled over me, trembling almost violently. I pried my fingers out of the fur to pet his hair. It was crunchy with whatever he used to slick back his curls so I moved to pet his neck instead with soft, soothing strokes.

“You did so well, on’dharlin.” I murmured, feeling floaty and hazy. Almost high. 

He shuddered and made a slight whimpering sound in the back of his throat. I heard Solas moving around a bit, and then, “If you would bring her here?”

Cullen pulled out of me and I felt too good to blush at the feeling of both of their spend dripping out of me as he lifted me from the desk and then laid me down on the floor. Solas had spread out a blanket and I felt the touch of his magic between my legs, cleaning me, as Cullen tucked himself away and relaced his pants. He looked suddenly hesitant and I reached out to grab his wrist and gently pull him to me. He went willingly and sat with his back against the desk and I immediately put my head in his lap. Solas opted to sit cross legged on the blanket and drape my legs over his lap.

*

*

*

I let my eyes half close and just basked in having both of them here with me. I could practically feel Cullen’s mind whirling away even as his fingers twitched one after the other. “You are awake, dharlin.” I said. 

He exhaled sharply and I saw him look away from Solas with a wince. “I…”

“All is well with us, Commander.” Solas said and started petting my leg, which was nice. 

“I… did not mean to intrude.” Cullen mumbled.

“You did not. I was the one who forgot to make sure we were alone. It is fortunate it was you and not the Lady Vivienne.”

Cullen and I both choked at the thought. Vivienne was a beautiful woman but that would have definitely been a mood kill.

“I-“ I looked up to find Cullen blushing and refusing to look at Solas. “I have never… not while anyone… watched.”

Solas made an ‘ah’ sound. “If it is any consolation, I have never had a human present for anything of the sort ever before. It is… an experience I had not expected.” 

I felt Cullen shift slightly and he still wasn’t making eye contact. “Dharlin?”

He swallowed and looked at me and I could practically see the shame and conflict he was feeling. “Did you-? Did it feel-?” He didn’t seem to be able to finish.

“It felt amazing, love. I feel incredibly privileged to have both of you.” I tried to assure him. “This was probably something we should have talked about beforehand to allow us all to be comfortable, but we were a bit… in the moment.”

“You’ve… done that before?” He asked cautiously, then blushed and shook his head. “I mean-”

“I have. Though apparently I'm more adventurous than Solas as I’ve had elvhen, human, and qunari lovers.” 

Solas made a tsking sound and tickled the back of my knee, earning an accidental kick to the stomach. 

“Maker’s breath, qunari? How did that even work?” Cullen blurted out. “You’re tiny!”

I laughed. “Very, very carefully. Fortunately, The Iron Bull is a careful lover.” 

“Him? But he’s...” Cullen’s eyes were wide in either horror or impressed.

“Huge.” I agreed. “I was curious.”

Cullen fell silent again for a long moment and I felt Solas give me a curious brush of magic. I sent back the mental equivalent of a shrug and a request for patience. He sent back a wisp of acceptance. 

“You… really see nothing… wrong with what we…?” Cullen blushed and trailed off, looking away from Solas again. 

“Not at all. As long as we all were willing and enjoying ourselves, then there was nothing wrong.” 

Cullen got quiet for a moment before glancing at Solas briefly. “And… you didn’t mind… seeing me… with her?”

Solas’ fingers drummed thoughtfully on my leg. “No. While you are not my… ‘preferred type’, you did… better than I expected and she was greatly enjoying herself and that is always a pleasure to watch.” He paused and then asked. “Did you mind seeing me with her?”

I felt a little like a third wheel, but this was an important talk for them. Besides, Cullen had started absently petting my hair and Solas was stroking my shins and I still felt pleasantly floaty. 

Cullen flushed. “I… didn’t. It… I didn’t mind. At all.”

That sounded like an unspoken ‘I was into it’. Something to be revisited later, perhaps. 

“Then all is well.” Solas hummed. “I know for a fact that Fen enjoyed herself.”

“I am fairly certain I have died and gone to paradise.” I said in agreement. “What is your preferred type, Solas?”

His ears tinted slightly. “It is complicated.” 

“Wait… better than expected?” Cullen asked with a slightly offended tone.

“You follow directions very well and you pleased her before yourself. Both traits are desirable.” Solas said, and then the flush travelled further down his ears though his expression remained even.

Oh, now wasn’t  _ that _ an interesting choice of words. I kindly did not magically nudge him. Cullen blushed and shifted again and I wondered if he was worried Solas had picked up his preferences. Solas totally had. 

Cullen was silent for another moment and then his brow furrowed. “You called her Fen’Harel.” 

Solas cleared his throat uncomfortably. “It is a joke of sorts…”

“Maker’s breath, nevermind.” Cullen said suddenly, shaking his head. I realized I was grinning up at him and pulled my lips back over my teeth. “I don’t want to know.” 

There was a knock on the door before we could have further conversation. “Well… I think that’s my signal to put my pants back on.” I sighed and struggled to sit up. Cullen helped me up and I moved to the door to get my pants and struggle back into them. My legs were a bit shaky, but oh well. By the time I was decent, Cullen was smoothing out the paper on my desk and Solas flicked his wrist and dropped the privacy wards before sitting casually in my chair again. I opened the door and smiled brightly at…

“Ambassador.” 

Her eyes flicked from my mouth, to the collar of my shirt, and then to Cullen and Solas in the office behind me before her eyebrows raised slightly and then she smiled. “Castellan. Pleasant day?”

“The best.” I sighed happily and Cullen coughed. “May I help you?” I opened the door to let her in and hoped her purely human nose wasn’t sharp enough to note the smell of sex in the air. Margaret was standing guard outside the door and by the way her nose and mouth twitched she definitely knew what we had been up to. 

“I just had a few things to clear up with you. Your people said that you were adamantly against the red wolf symbol?” She said, then inclined her head to Cullen and Solas. “Commander. Solas.” 

“Adamantly. It has symbology behind it that I am not comfortable putting on any of my people.” 

She frowned slightly. “You wore it.”

“And I removed it once I had the ability.” I countered. “While Fen’Harel and wolves are dear to me, that particular symbol and it’s meaning are not anything I wish to be associated with. I can, and will remove it from anything you put it on.” 

She sighed in disappointment and made a note on her clipboard. “Very well. It is just… much more elegant.”

“I can suggest to my pack that they put their heads together to create a new symbol, a more elegant one. I’m sure that we can find something we are comfortable with that would suit your aesthetic sensibilities.”

She smiled brightly. “Thank you. That would be most helpful. I do have one more question, if you do not mind.” 

“What is it?”

“Do you have a surname? I’ve been using your given name for correspondence and I’m afraid it’s a bit… intimate to be using for official documents. I don’t want to give anyone the wrong impression of your position.” Josephine’s eyes flicked to Cullen, who was badly pretending to be engrossed in a paper.

Uhhhhhhhhh… “Harellan.” 

Solas coughed and covered his mouth with his hand. “Vhenan!”

I shrugged and grinned at him. We were sort of married so. “It applies.”

Josephine made a note and then frowned and glanced at me. “Does it have a… meaning I should be aware of?”

“Oh, well, among the Dalish it would be translated as ‘traitor’, but it also means ‘rebel’ and ‘dreaded’. My name is a bit… controversial in whole. Fenenansal is ‘wolf’s blessing’. So, Fenenansal Harellan would translate roughly to, Rebel Wolf’s Blessing.” Which wow… really laying on that theme there, Fen. 

Josephine blinked and made a note. “Well. Thank you for explaining.” She turned to go and then paused and looked back hesitantly. “Is… it true you have a water dragon?”

“Oh, Pragma? She’s an alligator. Would you like to meet her?”

“Oh, yes. I would.” She said eagerly. So eagerly I was fairly certain that was the actual reason she had come into the garden.

Solas took a seat in my chair again and picked up the paper Cullen had brought so I headed for the door, and Cullen moved away from the desk with a curious. “Pragma? A water dragon?”

“An alligator. It’s a reptile from my homeland.” I corrected with a smile. I found Pragma directly outside my office, her mouth open in an alligator grin.  _ Your lovers are intense. _

I snorted. That they were. 

“Maker’s breath.” Cullen breathed. “Where do you get these things?”

“I have my ways.” I hedged.

“Oh. It’s so much bigger than I thought.” Josephine said in almost a whisper. “It’s beautiful.”

“Pragma, meet Ambassador Josephine, and my Commander Cullen.”

Pragma rumbled gently and closed her mouth, moving forward to blink at Josephine. 

“May I touch it?” 

“Is it safe?” Cullen asked.

I got a brush of agreement from Pragma. “Yes. To both.”

Josephine hesitantly reached out and touched Pragma’s snout. “Oh. How… wonderful.” 

_ I like her _ . Pragma sent with some amusement.

“She might let you ride on her back if you ask.” I suggested.

Josephine gasped. “Truly?”

“Truly.” I grinned and took her clipboard as Pragma turned to the side. 

“It feels a bit silly… but…” Josephine cleared her throat. “Pragma, may I ride on your back?”

Pragma rumbled again and lifted her head in an obvious nod. Josephine gasped again and then tentatively clambered onto her back, squealing slightly when she began to walk. “Oh, this is incredible!”

_ Oh, I definitely like her. _


	52. Chapter 52

After Josephine got her fill for the day of riding an alligator and went back to her office (she said the Inquisition would be happy to hire a runner for me, so yay!), and then Cullen and I went over what he had  _ actually _ come down to talk to me about, and then Onhalla showed back up with a little more paperwork and Wisdom on her heels. I looked up when a shadow crossed the door and saw the Countess Odette D’Aboville with her lover and her child with her. I sat up straight and gave them a smile.

“Hello.” 

“Castellan.” Odette curtseyed slightly. “I will be leaving for my estate tomorrow morning. I wished to formally give you wardship of Lisette today.”

“Of course.” I stood and opened myself up to let Wisdom walk me through the ritual, because of course there was a ritual. The countess seemed surprised that I knew what to say and do, but I wasn’t going to tell her how I did. And then she was hugging her daughter and giving her lover a kiss, and leaving. And then I realized I didn’t know the lover’s name.

“Would you like to go to the Den, Miss…?”

“Harriet.” She said quietly. “And yes, please.”

Onhalla and I helped gather up the bags they had left outside my office and then pulled them into the Den. Lisette’s lip was wobbling but she kept her chin up and her hand tightly in Harriet’s. 

“It will be alright. I will help you write letters.” Harriet whispered. “And then she will come back for us. Until then we will have a lovely time in the Wolf’s Den, won’t we?”

I saw Lisette nod from the corner of my eye and I spoke up. “We have some new people since last time you were down here, including another little girl. Her name is Rosal. She’s three.” 

“And the bird?” Lisette murmured.

“Yes, Rage is still with us. He normally stays in the gardens, but he still comes down to play.” I answered evenly.

Margaret pushed open the door to the Den and Lisette shrank back and then brightened when Jim waved. The scent of cooking meat made my mouth water.

“Hey! Lizzy is back!” Jim called out, and then Lisette was swarmed by my pack of eager kids and pulled towards the play area they had set up. There was a fort made out of blankets and branches propped up with spelled ice and I could see Rage’s head poking out of the entrance. Wisdom flicked her tail and followed after Lisette with a curious mew.

Harriet watched her go with a hand pressed to her chest.

“She will be alright. The other children will help ease her fears.” I said softly.

Harriet nodded. “It… is just… I never thought to see her with elf children, and now…” 

“Children are the future, and yours will grow up surrounded by elves, vashoth, and dwarves as her kin.” 

Harriet startled and glanced at me. “She is not-”

“Does her mother love you?”

She nodded. “I believe- yes.” 

“And do you love her as your own?” She nodded again. “Then she is yours and her mother’s. Family is what we make of it.” I shrugged. 

“You make it sound so simple.” She sighed.

“Does my family look simple to you, arani?” I laughed and gestured to the pack milling about, preparing for supper. “Our decisions make our world. I say that Onhalla is my sister, and it is so.”

“And I say my sister is the Lady Wolf, and it is so.” Onhalla supplied. “And now I say it is time for supper.”

Harriet blinked at her, then quirked a smile and followed us to the table. The Dalish sisters were there, watching the children play with small smiles that turned to respectful half bows when they saw me.

“Lady… Wolf.” Dalinev said with a slight wince over my name. “Inar and I have decided.”

“What is your choice, arani?” 

She slowly moved down to one knee and Inar followed with more ease. “We wish to join your people.” 

I sat down in front of them so we were on equal level, and then blinked when Harriet moved to kneel beside them.

“And I as well, Lady Wolf.” 

“Is the pack all here?” I asked. 

“Aye, Thane Wolf Blessing.” Amund said and dropped a handful of wolf charms into my hands. “We have all agreed to accept Dalinev, Inar, and Rosal. Shall I hear ‘ayes’ for Harriet?”

“Let me ask Loyalty first.” I said with a smile, then reached out to nudge Loyalty and ask it to come up. While it made its way up from the valley, I put the keys onto the charms. “You know I do not wish for anyone to bow to me, right?” I said softly. 

Dalineve shifted. “It... we do not…?” 

“No. I am not your master or ruler. We are all equal. I only lead because they insist on following. They choose to follow me, but that is what it is, their choice.” I tied the first key onto Rosal’s wrist and pressed my forehead to hers and took a breath to learn her scent. She giggled and then ran off to show the kids. “I am not overly fond of kneeling or bowing.”

Harriet hesitated and then shifted to be sitting on the ground as I was. The sisters followed with relieved expressions. I held the fixed the next bracelet to Inar’s wrist and then pulled her in to press our foreheads together and learn her scent as well. “Welcome to the pack, Inar.” 

She let out a shaky breath and smiled. “Thank you… Lady Wolf.”

Dalinev accepted her key and the headbump/scenting with a quiet, “ma serannas.” 

Loyalty clipped up behind me and I reached up and patted its face. “Hello, Loyalty. Would you mind?”

Loyalty nudged the back of my head and then snuffed a ghostly breath at Harriet, who was staring at it with eyes wide behind her mask.  _ She is loyal first to her love, but her love is loyal to you. _

Fair enough. I sent it a questioning brush and it whickered.  _ She will do well.  _

“Thank you.” I petted its nose and then looked at Amund. “Let’s hear the ‘ayes’.” 

She was accepted with only a little hesitation, eyes lingering on her mask, but she was accepted and I gave her a key and caught her scent. I caught Inar’s attention before she stood. “I have a request, da’lan.”

“Yes, hahren?” 

And okay, that was weird, but alright. “I have need of a runner up in the castle. Someone to deliver messages and fetch things for me when I am above the surface. The Inquisition would pay you.”

Inar glanced at Dalinev, who nodded quickly. The teen smiled shyly at me. “I would be happy to serve as your runner, hahren.” 

“I’ll arrange things for you.” Onhalla said. “Now go sit down and eat. Saam made some sort of meat dumplings she learned to make in Tevinter.”

“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!” I laughed and pushed myself to my feet eagerly. 

Saam served the dumplings from large platters in the center of the table and we would just reach out and grab what we wanted. The kids had helped her roll out the dough and were very proud of the fact, eagerly telling Lisette that she would have a lot of fun next time they made them. Dagna handed me a pair of polished metal sticks with a brilliant smile. “Prim said that Pragma said that you would want a set of these tonight. What are they?”

“Oh! Chopsticks!” I arranged them and demonstrated how to use them to pick up the dumplings. There was meat and also carrot and a bit of potato inside of it so it was like a roast wrapped in steamed dumpling dough. It was really good. 

Solas slid into the space next to me and pressed a kiss to my temple, then paused at the sight of the chopsticks in my hands. “Fascinating. I did not know you knew of mir’dalavuren.” 

‘Finger’, ‘little’, and ‘branch’. I blinked at him. “You call them finger sticks?”

He nodded. “I have not seen them used in a very long time. What do you call them?”

“Chopsticks.” 

“Why?” He looked baffled as he took a dumpling with his fingers.

“I… don't know? That’s just what they were called.” I shrugged. “I like mir’dalavuren better.” 

“Mir’dalavuren.” Dagna murmured and wrote something down. “If I make a bunch of them out of my scrap metal, will you teach us how to use them?”

“Sure! They can be carved out of wood as well.” I lifted the sticks up and gave them a bunch of clicks. 

Fenvir paused in where he was taking a seat. “Mir’dalavuren?”

“Vin.” I nodded. “Dagna says she’s going to make more of them for the pack.” 

He grinned in delight. “Thank you, Arcanist. I have not had the chance to use them in a long time.” 

Dalinev suddenly let out a distressed noise. “Where is your vallaslin-?” She stopped and covered her mouth with her hand.

“The Tarlan’Fen removed it for me.” He said proudly, his focus on the dumpling platter. 

Dalinev’s eyes flitted to me and then to Inar before she frowned at Fenvir. “Have you… turned away from the Dalish for good then?”

Fenvir’s eyes flicked up from his food before he sat back. “Ah. I am not, and was not Dalish, arani.” 

“How can you have a vallaslin and not be Dalish?” She asked incredulously. “Both of you have said that and it is impossible.”

“Ah, I have had my vallaslin removed and I was never Dalish.” Felassan interjected with wry amusement, then dropped his eyes when I glanced at him. 

“But-?” 

Inar suddenly gasped and shook her older sister’s arm. “Asa’ma’lin… el’vhen…” 

Oops… That uh… might be a problem. Solas was giving me a flat look and I lifted a shoulder in a helpless shrug. “They’re pack?” 

Both Dalish elves were staring at me with open mouths and wide eyes. Hmm. Well…? How to deal with this? Shrug it off? Ignore it? Lie? No, definitely not lying. Um… (why hadn’t I thought of this possibility before? I should have planned for this!)

“Lady Harellan? Wisdom brought me in, I hope that is alright.” Cullen called from the stairwell.

I turned and gave him a flat smile and lifted my eyebrows. “It is alright, but don’t you think we are far past titles and surnames, Commander Dharlin?”

“Ah. Yes. Forgive me, love.” He blushed as he walked towards me and I scooted over and patted the space next to me, and he took a seat as directed. He hesitantly took a dumpling and glanced around the table. The pack was watching me in fascination, which while not unusual, was weird.

“Wait. You told them your name is Fen Harellan?” Felassan said in an oddly strangled tone.

“Technically it is Fenenansal Harellan.” I lifted a finger in correction. 

Felassan made a snorting sound then ducked his head and looked away, though I had the distinct impression he was trying desperately not to burst into giggles. “B-bold.”

“I tend to be.” I said dryly.

“Ah yes, Lady Wolf with her wolf pack and songs of rebellion and her wolf symbols and her ability to remove vallaslin and it’s her  _ name _ that shocks you?” Fenvir laughed and shook his head.

“I stopped being shocked somewhere between her riding an undead horse through a castle and throwing herself in front of swords.” Terys added with a deadpan expression.

Solas had his face in his hand and was looking decidedly amused. Cullen was eating the dumplings and watching with the air of a man confused and yet entertained, though he blushed and gave me a soft smile when I pressed our thighs together. He glanced curiously at the Dalish sisters. “Are you two well?”

Dalinev w as clutching her wrist with the pack key, her face pale and terrified. Inar wasn’t much better. They both dropped their eyes when they saw me looking at them and I frowned. “Arani… you have nothing to fear.” 

“Everyone has to fear the Dread Wolf, my lady.” Inar whispered, her eyes still down.

I sighed sympathetically. “Da’lan, you really don’t. He’s an old softy, really.”

Solas lifted his face from his hand. “Vhenan…”

“Shush. You know it’s true.” I elbowed him. “I married the old wolf, I get to say that if I want.” 

“You-?” Dalinev started, then dropped her eyes back down and pressed her lips together. “The wolves… are not just… decoration then.” Her voice was strained. “Will you take ours from us as well, Tarlan’Fen?”

“No. Wolves are very dear to me.” I said gently, mentally cursing not figuring out how to handle this sooner. ‘Hey Dalish elves, I happen to be married to your ‘great betrayer’ and ‘bringer of nightmares’. Yeah, who would've thought that might not go over well? “As I said on the journey, I will not take your vallaslin unless you asked me to. I told you, the Dalish Vallaslin means something different, something sacred, than they do to… others. I would not take something so important from you.” 

I was very proud of Solas for not saying anything but he did press his lips together and stared intently at his plate. Cullen suddenly spoke. “Wait, you are married?”

Ah, crap, I had forgotten to talk to him about that. I wondered if the stones would swallow me up if I asked them to. “You know how I can walk in dreams?”

He nodded uncertainly.

“I married there. And yes, he knows and accepts.” 

Cullen wavered before nodding uncertainly with a murmured, ‘ah, that was the joke’. Felassan snorted and made an odd, strangled, hiccuping sound. 

Solas just… flopped back onto the floor, somehow still gracefully, and covered his face with his hands. “Vhenan… Sathan.”

“Ir abelas.” I said sincerely. I really didn’t want this conversation either. 

“In my opinion this is almost as entertaining as the time you ran through Skyhold on fire and with a goose.” Aelon piped up cheerfully. 

"Wait… if-?" Felassan gestured vaguely. "What do you have against my aiding Briala?" 

Harriet startled and looked from him to me with a sharp glance. Loyalty sent me a reassuring brush. She wasn’t Briala’s. 

Felassan paled and dropped his eyes when I raised my eyebrows at him. How did he know I had something against Briala? 

"Because she doomed thousands of lives by not allowing the headstrong boy to avert the civil war. Because she has and will sacrifice her own people over and over again to reach her ends. Because she is complicit in a cruel and oppressive system and instead of using her influence to change things for the better, she simply tries to draw her people up into the same system that will never accept them but will make them part of the abuses against their own people. She is corrupted by the illusion of power. She uses people as  _ things, _ as pieces on a game, and I cannot abide it."

There was a long, tense silence before Felassan’s jaw ticked and he spoke in quiet elvhen. " _ My thanks for your answer, my lady _ ."

“More dumplings?” Saam asked loudly, holding out a loaded plate. I loved her.

“Yes, please!” I said quickly.

Inar gave me a wide eyed look before taking another dumpling as well.

This… was so going to be awkward… 

Maeva and Terys managed to guide the subject away from the big bad wolf, I ate far too many dumplings. (They were good and it seemed wiser to keep my mouth busy with something besides talking.)

…

(that’s what she said.)

Anyway.

I could see Solas waiting for something, and the moment I set my chopsticks down he stood and offered me a hand up. “Vhenan?”

I accepted his hand and let him help me up, and then he surprised me by looking at Cullen. “Would you come with us, Commander?” 

Cullen’s eyes widened and he blushed, but stood after only a moment’s hesitation. Solas took us to his room and latched the door and threw up a privacy ward the moment the three of us were inside. He gave me a dry look and I held my hands up.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know how to avoid it.”

“They will talk.” Solas said coldly.

“And the humans won’t believe them.” I countered. 

"You trust too much in human contempt for us!" He snapped.

“Oh, isn’t that a sudden change of tune!” I snapped right back. “Barely more than a week ago you were-!”

I stopped when he winced and held his hands up peaceably. "Forgive me. I simply… worry."

I sighed. “I’m sorry too. But if they talk, the Dalish will talk, and those like Fenvir will come. I can, and will handle human mockery over my claim if it means I can provide a home to someone lost." I said pointedly.

Solas stared at me, his posture tense and coiled, as if ready to spring at a moment's notice. I met his gaze steadily until he tilted his head slightly and glanced at Cullen. "Thoughts, Commander?" 

Cullen shifted slightly before asking quietly “You… believe?” His voice was hesitant. “In… the elvhen gods?”

“Ah. I wouldn’t say 'believe', it’s… complicated?” I hedged. “I have met and spoken to and uh… courted Fen’Harel in my dreams, but I’m far more likely to try and stab the other elvhen ‘gods’ than pray.”

Solas gave me a fondly resigned look but Cullen tensed and then he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, mussing whatever he used to tame the curls. “That- I- Maker.” He sat down heavily on the bed and dropped his head into his hands. “You’re… married?” His voice broke on the word.

I moved to sit by him carefully. “When I say married, I mean that we decided we were. We trust each other and love each other, and so we say we are married. Solas and I did the same.” 

He shook his hand and ran his hands over his face as he sat back. “Forgive me… I must sound-“ he sighed and I watched as he breathed deeply,in and out again before continuing. “I should not have assumed, you have been open about your relationship and I should have known.” He then huffed a laugh that sounded self deprecating. “It sounds so stupid when I actually sit down and think.”

“As our near spat at the door illustrates, we often react before our reason catches up with us.” Solas said, his head tilted as he frowned at Cullen. “Though… I do believe you two should perhaps define what you think of as a ‘marriage’.” 

“It’s a statement of commitment, trust, and love between two people.” I answered promptly. 

Cullen was looking at me expectantly, then after a moment blinked. “That… is all?” 

Solas made a ‘there you go’ gesture. “I assume your definition is more binding, Commander?”

“Well… Yes.” He said uncertainly. “A priestess and… vows… promises.” 

“I can see the promises bit.” I mused and leaned my head against Cullen’s arm, feeling sleepy. “I promised Fen’Harel I wouldn’t let him be alone, and I promised Solas the same.”

“How are you so… certain about the…” Cullen flushed then shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.” He looked at me in uncertainty. “And… am I just…?” he flushed a deeper shade of red and I realized he was asking if he was my side piece, or whatever they called it in Thedas.

I shifted off of the bed and moved to dig through my knitting bag to find the wrist cuff I had made for him before haring off after him. I found it and went back to present it to him on the palms of my hands. “A courting gift, Dharlin.”

He stared at the cuff for a moment before looking up and I could swear he was tearing up. “You-?” He swallowed thickly and he carefully took the cuff from my hands, he held it like it was a precious thing. “I… I have one… not a cuff, I mean, a gift… for you.” He fumbled out.

I smiled at him. “I’d be honored to accept it.”

“You don’t even know what it is.” He blushed even as he thrust his hand into his pocket.

“Probably something sweet and sentiment-” My eyes widened in shock. “It’s not your lucky coin, is it?” 

He hesitated. “Is… it bad if it is?”

I shook my head. “No, it… I just know how much that means to you and…”

“Good.” He unceremoniously pushed something into my hands. 

I unfurled my fingers to find his lucky coin, but he had drilled a hole into it and threaded it onto a green ribbon to make a necklace. “Oh!” Hello stomach flutters. 

“Would you put it on me?” I breathed and turned so my back was facing him. Solas was watching with an indulgent expression that softened when I beamed happily at him. I felt Cullen carefully tie the ribbon onto my neck and tilted my chin down to see the trio of amulets on my chest. My Den key, Solas’ wolf, and now Cullen’s coin. I twisted around on the bed to rise up on my knees and pull Cullen into a kiss. “Thank you, love.”

I may have gotten a bit carried away with the romance of exchanging courting gifts and kissing, but a cough drew my attention from Cullen to find Solas leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and smirking. “Not that I’m against a repeat of this morning… but you are on my bed, Commander.”

“Maker’s breath.” Cullen scrambled up off of the bed, beet red. “Forgive me, I-” 

Solas, the ass, laughed and waved away Cullen’s apology before turning to me. “I suppose you would like tonight alone, ma’lath?”

“Honestly, I’m too tired from…” I paused significantly and raised my eyebrows at Cullen who was still blushing adorably. “Office work for anything more than snuggles and sleep.” 

Solas hummed and pulled me into a hug, “I am agreeable, however I would suggest we go to your room?” He switched to elvhen. “ _ It will take long enough as it is to get his scent out of my bed. _ ”

I looked over at Cullen questioningly. “Is that alright? It’s okay if it’s not. To be specific, just curling up and going to sleep together. The three of us?”

Cullen took a breath and nodded even though he was still blushing. “I- yes… just- just like before?”

“Yeah.” I started to drum a joke but was interrupted by a jaw cracking yawn. “Yeah. Bed.” 

Solas stepped forward and gathered me up. “If you’ll follow me, there is a room set aside for her next to mine.” 

“When did that happen?” I asked, suddenly feeling drained and exhausted. 

“The day you left to go after the Commander.” Solas said with an audible smirk. 

Ah. He opened a door with a brush of his magic and I smelled soap and Solas and… “Is that chocolate?”

“For when your course starts. A gift from the Ambassador.” Solas said as he set me gently down on an absolutely massive bed. Like… massive. We all could sprawl out and still have room for two more.

I heard Mina call a pointed ‘good night’ and then Cullen closed the door behind us and his neck was flushed red.

“Commander, would you turn down the covers please?” Solas asked as he undid some of the buttons of the tunic I was wearing. “Night gown or none?”

“None. Too much effort.” I fought a yawn again. Why was I so tired? I had hardly done anything today. Okay, two significant someones, but still. 

The rustle of fabric being shifted stopped and then Cullen inhaled as Solas slipped my tunic over my head. Flattering, but before I could tease, Solas planted his hand in the center of my chest and shoved me backwards onto the bed. I landed with a soft ‘oof’ and he started undoing my pants. Cullen tore his eyes away from me when I tilted my head back to look at him and he flushed, then went to the door.

“I… will return shortly.” He murmured and slipped out of the room as Solas finished undressing me.

Solas slid me to the center of the bed and I caught his arm before he could pull back. “What does this mean to you? The washing and dressing?”

“It… is an act of care. When words are not enough. There was a litany to say during the ritual, but I am aware you would be asleep long before I finished.” He paused and then brushed my cheek with the back of his fingers. “That is not a bite, ma’lath. It is only because you face the world with all of your energy.” 

“What else am I supposed to do with it?” I murmured. 

The door opened and Cullen came in, his armor absent, in just his shirt and pants and carrying a tray with a pitcher of water and a trio of cups. He set it quietly down next to the bed and then poured a cup and offered it to me. I sat up to accept and take a deep drink as Solas drew back and pulled his shirt off before moving to lay down beside me. Cullen flushed and looked away, taking the cup from me and setting it back on the tray. He paused, hesitating, and I laid back down and watched him through half closed eyes, waiting to see what he was deliberating. 

Solas curled against my side and draped an arm over my waist, apparently content to simply go to sleep. After a long hesitation, Cullen pulled his own shirt off and I could see his flush race down his back. He moved to lay down and paused when he saw me watching him. “Is this… alright?”

“Very.” I lifted an arm in invitation and he laid down beside me, tucking my arm onto his chest and pulling the blanket over us all. It was a little awkward, and very, very nice. Warm, the soft comfort of skin on skin. Solid forms on either side of me. My loves. 

I was fairly certain Solas and Cullen started to talk over my head, but I was already falling asleep. 

Why was I so tired?


	53. Chapter 53

I didn’t dream much, just a few flashes of black fur and wisps of concern I managed to reassure. I woke up cold on one side and warm and squished on the other. Cullen was using me as a teddy bear and Solas was gone. I shifted and immediately Cullen let me go and moved back. I rolled over to smile sleepily at him.

“On dhea, dharlin.”

“Good morning, love.” He said softly. He looked like he had been awake for a while. 

“I’ll admit I’m a bit surprised you didn’t slip off to get back to work while I was out.” I softened the words by running my hand over his side.

“I… considered it.” He said awkwardly. “I do have a lot of work, but Solas said that you don’t like to wake up alone.”

“I don’t.” I said agreeably. “Where is he?”

“He said he had an urgent project he needed to work on.”

Ah. Curiosity satisfied, I sank down into the mattress and just enjoyed the sensation of running my fingers over his skin. After a while he shifted like he wanted to say something.

“Something on your mind, love?”

“I… it is probably not a subject for the early morning.” He said with a wince.

“Bah. We’re both here and unlikely to be interrupted by a runner. It’s a good time to talk.”

“Very well.” He sighed. “It is just… Fen’Harel is real?”

“Yes. Though his name has been a bit distorted by time.”

He frowned and looked… lost. “And… the Maker?”

Oh. “Dharlin… I have never met the Maker like I have Fen’Harel, but Andraste was a real woman who existed. Just because I haven’t seen them doesn’t mean they don’t exist.” I poked him slightly. “Besides. Fen’Harel isn’t a god. Just a talented, ancient man.” 

“Because he’s an ancient elf.” Cullen lifted a shoulder in a shrug at my curious look. “Solas and I talked for a little while last night. I… am beginning to understand what you meant by ‘burdening me with Pack secrets’.” He laughed quietly. “It… is a bit terrifying to think of all that is kept beneath our feet and I’m sure I do not know the half of it.” 

No… he really didn’t. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it is alright. Just… a lot to take in. Again and again you challenge the way I view the world. Nothing is as I was taught and I… I cannot help but feel that was… purposeful. A leash worse than the lyrium.” He confessed, his eyes on the blankets.

“The surest way to control a people is to control what they know.” I confirmed. 

He exhaled shakily and sat up. “Right.” He was quiet for a long moment before quietly asking. “Last night… you said you hated this… ‘Briala’ because... ‘complicit in an oppressive system’. I know you despise the Chantry for the same but if… the Templars…” 

“I think leaving the templars was one of the noblest things you’ve ever done.” I sat up slowly to watch him, concerned. 

He exhaled shakily. “I… suspected you thought as much.” He looked down at his hands. “You… your dreams. You… I suspect you know what I’ve done. Before. Do you… I cannot see how you can not despise me for them. You are… so adamant in your beliefs.” 

“I know, and I will admit it sometimes frightens me. But you are trying to do better. You acknowledge the wrong you’ve done, and you’re trying.” I lifted a hand and cautiously put it on his arm. He was tense, but eased slightly under the contact. “Some people will never forgive you, and that is their right. You trying to do better doesn’t erase the past, but… I am proud of you for trying so hard. Even when it’s painful.” 

Cullen sighed and caught my hand on his arm and pulled it up to place a kiss on my fingers, closing his eyes and exhaling against them, his stubble scratching slightly. “I don’t deserve this.” He whispered quietly.

“It’s not about ‘deserve’, love.” 

He exhaled slowly and was about to speak again when the door opened. Solas paused in the doorway and then slipped in with an apologetic glance. “Forgive me for interrupting, but I have… something of importance to discuss with you, Fen.” 

Cullen pulled my hand away from his face after another soft, scratchy kiss. “I really must get back to work.”

“Don’t forget to eat something.” I said, and he smirked slightly.

“Ditto.” 

Wait… I didn’t teach him that word yet. I raised my eyebrows in surprise and then glanced at Solas, who shrugged slightly and moved to a wardrobe against the wall. (when did a wardrobe get in here?) “We spoke. I must admit a bit of surprise you had not shared the word with him already.”

“It… didn’t come up yet.” I was still a bit… well, surprised at how easily Solas and Cullen were getting along. “You two should play chess.” 

Solas pulled out my purple tunic and the pants that went with it. “I could be persuaded.” 

“I hope you’re better at it than Fen is.” Cullen laughed as he pulled his shirt on. 

“I’m pretty sure everyone is better at chess than I am.” I countered as I accepted the clothes from Solas and started dressing.

“I find that hard to believe.” Solas laughed and went back to the wardrobe to rummage through it.

“No, she really is quite terrible at chess. She has this war game that she plays that she is… terrifyingly good at.” Cullen was futilely finger-combing his curls. They kept springing back up and it was wonderful. 

“Oh?” Solas emerged from the wardrobe with a pair of purple foot wraps and a silver bracelet with little wolf charms on it. 

“Oh, shoot, I forgot about that. I’ll try to remember to write up the rules today.” This was wonderfully domestic. It made my stomach all fluttery as Solas knelt and wrapped my feet up and Cullen pulled his boots on. 

I clipped the bracelet on and admired it. Dorian did have good taste. Tight enough to not get in my way, but jangly and shiny. And wolves. “I should probably invest in some mabari charms.”

Cullen huffed in amusement, then came over and bent to press a kiss to the top of my head. “I’ll find you for lunch?”

“Sounds good.” I wiggled my fingers at him in farewell and he went to the door.

After the door closed behind him, Solas finished wrapping my feet and pulled me up to kiss me deeply before pulling away with a smirk. “That was not as terrible as I had expected.”

Well, I knew he wasn’t talking about the kiss. “Cullen?”

Solas hummed and buttoned the last few buttons of my shirt for me. “Though whatever he puts in his hair is far from a pleasant odor.”

“No, it isn’t, but everyone has their vanities.” I punctuated the statement by reaching up and rubbing a hand over his scalp. 

He rolled his eyes slightly and pulled away and I poked him in the stomach. “It was not a complaint, vhenan.”

“I know, but still undignified.”

“Excuse you, I am a picture of dignity.” I sniffed. 

He gave me a perfectly baffled look. “You said that with a straight face?”

I stuck my tongue out at him. “What is this super important thing you needed to talk to me about?”

He fell serious. “Come with me.” 

I followed him curiously as he led me out of the room and towards another door. Haleir ran up and shoved some leftover dumplings into my hand before darting back to the blanket fort. I called thanks out to them and followed Solas to a door guarded by his signature wards. I glanced at them curiously and back to him. “There isn’t another supposed to be dead person in there you want me to hide, is there?”

“No.” He opened the door and let me through the wards and I glanced around the room curiously. It was empty except for a table with a few books and tools, and… a broken eluvian.

“Oh. You found one.”

He nodded sharply. “It is broken, but I have hopes that I might be able to mend it, but these were June’s creation and he guarded the knowledge fervently. I am working on it but it will take time for my agents to find if the tool I need still exists in…” He trailed off and glanced at me sharply. “It is called an Arulin'Holm.” His eyes flicked over my face. “And you know where one is.”

I conceded the fact with a head tilt. I figured that was why he had brought me here. He was done assuming I wouldn’t know stuff.

He tucked his hands behind his back, but it wasn’t his ‘hobo apostate’ deference, it was a military type posture, imposing and tightly controlled. I countered by moving to lean on the table casually.

“Would you share the knowledge of its location with me?” He asked in a low tone.

I shook my head. It was with Merrill and Varric would kill me if I sent the Dread Wolf after her. 

He faltered slightly, then pressed. “Would you acquire it for me?”

“I can possibly ask.” 

His eyes narrowed and I felt the hair on the back of my neck prickle as he studied me with the same sharp, considering expression he had at the beginning of our dance. “What would you demand in return for this?” 

Oh… oh boy. Giving him the arulin’holm was basically giving him the eluvian network, jumping his plans ahead of time. I drummed my fingers on the table in thought. “I would ask you to stay.”

He stilled, his eyes sharp and wary.

“I would ask you to stay, and if you part from us, you do so with the intention to return as soon as you are able.” You can’t do a self sacrificing, rash, world ending plan while intending to go home.

He exhaled sharply. “That… is a large request, vhenan. You know my path...”

“I do, and so I say the deal is: I will send a letter asking for the Arulin’holm and give you the passphrase in exchange for your promise that you will stay, and if you part with us, you do so with the intention to return as soon as you are able.” A pause and then I added. “And that you will not go after the person I send the letter to if they refuse.” 

He snorted, looking caught out. “Ah.” 

Yeah, I thought so. I waited patiently and ate the dumplings as he started pacing while he thought it over. We were there for a while and I started reaching out to the stones in curiosity while I waited. Someone had gone to the valley. Someone was mending a wall. The kitchens were warm. There was a sense of urgency in Josi’s office. I’d need to check on that. There were little ripples of interest in Solas’ wake, the stones curious if he wanted them to move again. I reassured them he didn’t right now and they settled back down. 

Solas finally stilled and faced me, his shoulders drawn back and tight. “You have me at an impasse, ma’lath. If I accept your deal, I will have to drastically alter my plans. If I do not… my plans will be delayed to the point I would have to drastically alter them in unknowable ways.” 

I tilted my head in concession. That was true. And half the point. 

He took a step forward and leaned down to where his face was right in front of mine. “But you were counting on that.” He smiled at me fondly. “Would that I had you during the wars.” He lightly brushed his lips against mine before he stepped back. “I accept your terms.” 

I blinked, a little… huh. Okay. “Then it is a deal. The key is a red gem possessed by Briala. The passphrase is…” I paused to draw out his reaction. He was watching me intently and I very exactly pronounced the passphrase. “Fen’Harel Enansal. I’ll write the letter this morning.” 

He stilled, then covered his mouth with his hand, then scrubbed the palm of his hand over his face and scalp. “Pala. The… It is  _ that _ ?!” 

I snerked but I nodded. “It is that.”

“My own-!” He started to raise his voice and then cut himself off and buried his face in his hands with a rueful groan. “I should have guessed. It is so… ironic. I should have guessed.” 

I may have giggled slightly, delighted by his reaction, as I moved forward to stand on tiptoe and press a kiss to the bit of cheek showing from behind his hands. “It was a pleasure dealing with you, Fen’Harel.” 

“And with you, Fen’Harel.” He said and lowered his hands to kiss me on the lips. He added a bit of a significant tilt to the name. That was amusing.

“ _ I will see you at dinner _ ?” I asked in my growing elvhen.

“Vin.” He smiled and turned to face the eluvian. “ _ I look forward to your return _ .” 

I left the room with a bit of spring in my step, feeling satisfied with the turn of events. Maeva beckoned me over to eat with the pack at the table and I obliged, basking in the chatter and proximity as I helped eat the dumplings leftover from last night. Apparently Saam and the kids had made way too many. Not that I was complaining. They were good. 

I glanced over the pack and noted a few missing faces. “Who went to the valley?”

“Rage took Prim, Katerina, Andrew, Felassan, and Lisa down to the valley for some ‘catharsis’.” Harrill answered. “Harriet intends to take the children up to meet Lisette’s tutors so they all can benefit from an advanced education.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful.” I searched out Harriet and smiled gratefully at her. She inclined her head slightly. 

“Thane Wolf Blessing.” Amund spoke up. “The Spymaster has asked that I go south to Stone Bear Hold. I was hoping to leave within the week.”

“Do you need anything for the trip?”

“The Inquisition will fit me well enough.” He shrugged.

“What is the proper way to say hello to Thane Sun Hair over a distance? A gift or a message?” 

“A gift would be best. One useful.” 

Useful. Not a weapon, that would give the wrong impression. I glanced at Saam. “Do we have any healing herbs preserved?”

She nodded and pressed a light kiss to the top of Maeva’s head as she bent to take her plate and- what? How had I missed that? “We do, Lady Wolf. I have quite a bit of elfroot and I also dried some of the ginger for teas.”

“Would you mind packing some of it up for Amund to take to Stone Bear Hold as a gift from the pack?” I may have been grinning like a fool at the two and Saam’s face flushed a little while Maeva just looked smug.

“Of course.” Saam moved off to her garden area.

“Tis a good gift, Lady Wolf.” Amund said approvingly. 

I smiled, then remembered. “Oh, yeah, the Ambassador would like for us to all get together and design a symbol for the pack that is more ‘elegant’ than the one I made up.”

There was a pause and then Margaret spoke up. “I draw well? Can speak with others and try?”

“That would be wonderful. Thank you!” 

The chatter picked back up and I ate… okay, I ate a lot of dumplings. They were good, I needed to gain weight anyway, and really, really good. Harriet eventually gathered up the kids, leaving Rosal and Rasa with Dalinev, and took them up the stairs to meet with the tutor. They were planning on lunching up there and then going together to the Mage’s tower for magic lessons. 

Wisdom came up to me with a mew and I ruffled her ears before pushing myself to my feet. “I’m off to the office. Who’s going with me?” 

“We are, Lady Wolf.” Thom said. He and Sa’nehn were at the other end of the table and they stood and carried their plates to the ‘sink’ area to rinse. 

Inar hesitantly stood up. “I… believe I am as well? Lady Wolf?” She looked half terrified and I frowned at her in concern.

“Are you all right, hun?” 

She nodded and clasped her hands in front of herself. “Just… nervous, my lady.”

“Would you mind guiding her?” I asked Wisdom. Wisdom sent a brush of acceptance and moved to wind around Inar’s legs. “Wisdom will walk with you so you don’t get lost.” 

“And if anyone gives you trouble, just lift your wrist and show the key.” Sa’nehn said grimly. “Most everyone up there knows not to mess with the Pack. The ones that don’t, will learn.” 

Inar’s eyes flicked from me to Sa’nehn. “Even the shems?”

Sa’nehn nodded. “Even them. We look out for each other.” 

“We do. We look out for each other and I have my ways with dealing with threats to my pack.” I said gently. “You are protected. If you don’t want to go up that is alright though.” 

“I do.” She said quickly. “I will do well, my lady.”

“Alright. If you’re sure. I know it’s big and new and there are a lot of humans, but you are protected and Wisdom has agreed to look out for you. Just let me know if you need a break and you can come back down any time.” I reassured her. 

“Ma serannas, ma’tarlan.” She said uncertainly and I gave her a wide, proud smile at the elvhen use. 

Thom handed me my knitting bag and Sa’nehn accepted a bundle from Maeva, and then we were off to the ramp. Wisdom trotted next to Inar and flicked her tail in a jaunty rhythm. She seemed to be in a very good mood.

_ I am. You did what I could not and swayed the wolf. _

I snorted and concentrated to send back the impression of just having the proper leverage. She flicked her tail in agreement and rubbed against Inar’s legs with a purr. It was still a bit early in the morning, there was a quickly fading silver overcast to the light, but people were slowly shifting through the garden when we arrived. There was a trio of elves tending the gardens and a runner walked through with a yawn. I saw a few servants moving from room to room, collecting laundry and cleaning. And in the pond, Sera was reclining on Pragma’s back as she floated. Sera had stripped down to just her undertunic and had little wheels of cheese over her eyes as she just… laid on Pragma and seemed to be asleep. 

Pragma sent me a brush of delight and I laughed quietly and headed to my office. I hadn’t really expected the two to get along, but I guess Sera couldn’t resist a tame ‘water dragon’. Onhalla and Lahnehn were already in there, going through a stack of papers and sorting them into piles. They glanced up with pleasant ‘on dhea’s and went back to their sorting. 

“Have you heard from the Ambassador this morning?” I asked as I moved to fluff up Wisdom and Rage’s blanket nest.

“Not yet.” Onhalla murmured to me, then shook her head when Lahnehn showed her a letter. “No, I think we can handle that one ourselves, this one is for her though.” She handed a sealed letter to Lahnehn, who put it on a rather tall stack and then slid it towards me when I sat down. 

Alright then. I heard Thom and Sa’nehn start talking to Inar about how I generally conducted my days and Thom offered to have someone find a chair for her for when she wasn’t running. The first thing I did was write a note to Josephine asking if there was anything I should be aware of or if she needed help with anything. It was probably premature, but the stones had noticed her fretting so I might as well. 

I folded it up and glanced at Inar with a smile. “Inar? Would you like to run your first note?” 

“Yes, hahren.” She said and came over quickly. 

“Would you take it to the Ambassador? Wisdom knows where she keeps her office.”

She dipped her head and turned to hurry off after Wisdom. I frowned after her and hoped her nervousness eased soon. It was probably a combination of the new job, lots of humans, and the whole… ‘married to Fen’Harel’ thing. Time would hopefully show her there wasn’t anything to worry about on that front.

Then Onhalla shoved a bowl of berries and nuts, a glass of water, and a quill in front of me and I turned my attention to the stack of letters she had given to me. Lahnehn and Onhalla spoke in quiet tones over their own stack of papers as I read and sorted through them. Reply, deny, speak to Vivienne… 

I was a quarter of the way through when Inar walked up to the desk and shifted nervously. I looked up at her with a smile. “Vin?”

“Forgive me for taking so long.” She said hurriedly. “The Ambassador insisted I sit and talk with her.”

“Oh, it’s perfectly all right. The Ambassador does enjoy to chat, just be cautious of what you say, she isn’t pack. If you don’t want to speak with her you can use me as an excuse to escape, however.” I waved her concern off.

“She… gave me tea and cookies.” Inar offered hesitantly, her hand going to cover the pocket of her pants. “I liked them.”

“I’m glad. Did she send a reply?” I pointedly did not look at the gesture. There was probably a cookie stashed in there for later.

“Oh, she said to tell you that she would love to know how you catch wind of things so quickly and also that the Inquisitor and company will be returning tomorrow around midday.” 

“Oh, good! I’ll need to get things ready.” 

“I’ll let Mina know.” Onhalla said. “She’ll have their rooms cleaned.” 

“Doesn’t she run the kitchens?” I frowned.

“Yes, but most of the servants felt… intimidated coming to you for orders or instructions so she took over running the domestic workings as well as the kitchens.” Lahnehn said from over her papers.

That… was too much for one person really. “Tell her I’ve authorized her to choose someone to put over the domestic workings of Skyhold to ease her work load.” 

“Tell her yourself.” Onhalla retorted in amusement. “We’re all meeting up this morning to update each other while we know where you are.” 

“Oh. Excellent.” I made a note to remember to tell her, and then started composing a letter to Merrill while I was thinking about it. 

I was chewing on the quill tip and over my exact wording of the request when I heard Inar speak quietly from the doorway. “How… did you come to serve the Lady Wolf?”

“Ah.” Thom made a noise in his throat and I glanced up to see him whittling with a belt knife by the door. Inar was sitting in his chair and Sa’nehn was glancing between a notebook in his hands and the pathways outside. 

“I… was not a good man before.” Thom said quietly. “I was imprisoned for my crimes but prisons are not a pleasant place and she took me out of it, unwilling to let even one such as me suffer. I was placed under her charge until my judgement, and in that time…” He fell quiet for a minute and glanced back at me, smiling slightly behind his beard when he saw me watching before turning back to Inar. “I learned a new way. The Way of the Wolf it’s called now. It gives me peace.”

He turned over the figure he was carving in his hands before handing it to her. “I was a warrior once, and did a lot of evil with my blade. Now I am a guard and I build things with my hand and blades. Protecting and giving, as is the way of the wolf.”

Inar held the figure in her hands with a nervous expression before clutching it and looking at Sa’nehn in silent question. His jaw tightened but he didn’t look up from his notebook. “She killed the human who hurt me and made me one of hers.” He said bluntly. “You?”

“Oh.” She faltered and then slowly worked out an answer. “Our… our clan was… Our clan is gone. We were alone and starving. She… took us in.”

“You’ll be safe here.” Thom said, pulling another chunk of wood from his pockets and turning it over in his hands. “I know I’m a big hairy shem, but I do my part in keeping the pack safe. And you’re pack.” 

I smiled and turned my attention back to the letter to Merrill. Respectful greetings, news of Dalinev’s clan and that Borean, Dalinev, Inar, and Rosal had survived and were with me. I figured that the Dalish would appreciate news of other clans, even terrible news. A reassurance that they were safe and cared for, and then…

Polite, matter of fact request for the tool and a vague, but concise and honest explanation of why I wanted it. A few more pleasantries, and then I signed it and folded it up but didn’t seal it. Just looked up and smiled. “Inar? Is there anything you’d like me to tell Keeper Merrill in Kirkwall? I’m sending a letter. I told her what happened to your clan and that you and your family are here and safe.”

She looked startled, but then shook her head. “That is more than… the news is enough. Thank you.” 

I gave her a soft smile and then held the paper out to her. “Very well. Would you mind running this to Varric Tethras? Tell him it is for Merrill and he’s welcome to read it.”

“Of course, my lady.” Inar ducked her head in a sort of bow and then turned to follow Wisdom out of the office. 

“Poor thing is so skittish.” Onhalla murmured. 

“We all were at first.” Lahnehn replied, her brow furrowed in concentration as she copied something down.

“Yes, but still.” Onhalla huffed. “She’s too thin too.”

I managed to sort another few papers out before shadows crossed the door again and I looked up to see Terys, Mina, and Harrill trooping in with papers and smiles and a plate of oat cookies for us to share as we had our meeting. I suggested Mina name someone to put in charge of the domestic side of Skyhold and after we discussed it for some time, she decided to ask one of the elven women who had been an incredible help to her as she had worked as a servant for some time and had some experience in it. 

The meeting was terribly official sounding despite the cookies, and while we did need to talk about things and it was our job, I felt the beginnings of a headache by the time they had finished talking about everything they needed to and left one by one to go work. When Terys left, a veritable sheaf of papers in his hands that I had signed off on, I let myself slump and press my forehead to my desk. Ugh. 

“I am going to settle these with the Ambassador.” Onhalla said, and then she and Lahnehn left as well.

I kept my head on the desk. 

“You alright there, Fluffy?” Varric asked from the doorway.

I lifted an arm and gave him a thumbs up. “Just being responsible and shit.”

“Ah. That’ll get you every time.” He laughed and I heard him walk up to the desk. “So. Your kid brought me this.”

I kept my head on the desk. “I’m assuming it’s the letter to Merril you’re holding over my head right now?”

“Yeah. Are you sure you want to stir up that particular hornet’s nest?” 

I sighed and lifted my head from the desk. “It’s a favor for someone. They need the thing and I said I would ask. I didn’t tell them who I was going to ask, and I also made them promise to not go after her if they did find out who I asked and she said no.” 

Varric studied me sharply for a long moment before sighing and grabbing the last cookie from the plate. “I’ll send it on, but I’m a bit curious what all is going on down there, Fluffy.”

“Mayhem and cuddles.” I shrugged and tilted the bowl of berries and nuts towards me. It was empty. I had apparently eaten them all. “Have you met Pragma?” 

“The water dragon? Yeah…” He shuddered. “The beast is enormous.”

“She’s a sweetheart. A giant sweetheart.” I smiled brightly at him. 

“I’ll take your word for it.” Varric shook his head. “Sera seems to like it. How’d you get it in here?”

“I asked her.” I shrugged. 

He waited for more before rolling his eyes. “I’m going to set up cards and drinks after the Inquisitor gets back. You want to come?”

“Absolutely!” I grinned, delighted at maybe getting to sit in on the iconic card game. 

“I’ll leave you to drag Curly into it.” Varric smiled and tapped the desk with his knuckles in farewell before turning to leave, shoving the cookie into his mouth as he went. 

I turned back to my paperwork. Why were there so many letters from Orlais? I shoved any that tickled my Signifigance sense to the side to go over with Vivienne and focused on the ones I knew how to deal with. 

I must have laid my head down somewhere in the middle of the composing of a reply, because the next thing I knew, I was being woken up by a light tapping on my desk. I blinked foggily and looked up to see Cullen smiling fondly at me with a basket in his hands. “I brought lunch…” he held up the basket with a slightly impish grin.

I cocked an eyebrow at him in mock suspicion and leaned forward to pull back the towel covering the basket and stared at the contents in surprise. There was a plate with neat circles of crawdads, except they called them, “Prawns?!”

“Headless prawns.” Cullen’s grin turned into snickers. I shook my head at him. It was funny and also kinda sweet that he remembered that conversation, I stood, walking around the desk to hug him. 

He returned the hug and I sighed happily. “I kinda love you, you adorable man.”

I felt him shiver slightly and then he bent to press a kiss to the top of my head. “I love you too.” He said the words so softly it felt like one of his prayers. 

We ate the prawns together, our legs tangled under the desk as we went over some of the official stuff that needed official talking over, and I amused myself by cracking open the crawdad tails with my teeth to make him wrinkle his nose and let out an amused huff at the sound. They were really good and I ended up eating every one he left behind. He only ate two, settling instead for one of the rolls he had brought, and judging by the slight sheen of sweat on his face, he was having a bad day.

He drank the water I shoved at him, and ate the roll, and he was slightly more relaxed by the time he lifted my hand to kiss me goodbye. I caught his fingers as he started to pull away. “Varric is putting together a party after the Inquisitor returns. We would like for you to be there.”

“Ah, I…”

“I’ll be there.” I put on my best puppy dog eyes and he faltered. “I’d love for you to be there.” 

“I… will attend for your sake.” He conceded.

“Ma serannas, ma’dharlin.” I smiled and released his fingers. “And who knows, you might have fun.” 

He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I might. I’ve been known to indulge in fun every now and then.” 

I rested my elbows on my desk and my chin on my folded hands and fluttered my eyelashes at him and he blushed and smiled. 

“Until later, love.” 

“Until later, ma’lath.” 

I watched him leave with a fond smile before turning back to my papers. The letter I had been writing was smudged so I set it aside and started rewriting it on a clean paper. Someone shifted by me and I thanked them absently when they set something down. Thom and Sa’nehn wouldn’t let anyone dangerous in so I just focused on my work. There was so much. Apparently it had piled up quickly while I had been gone. No wonder Cullen was terrified of breaks. 

“Castellan?” Vivienne’s voice startled me and I blinked up at her. She was giving me a slightly amused smile.

“Lady Vivienne! I…” I glanced outside to look at the light. “I forgot the time. Let me- Oh.” Someone had already brought a tray with a tea pot and cups and a plate of little sandwiches. “Please, come sit.”

“You have ink on your face, dear.” She said as she moved gracefully around the desk to sit in the chair next to me. 

I scrubbed ineffectively at my face. “I… may have fallen asleep on a letter I was writing.” And Cullen hadn’t said anything! The imp!

“May I?” She said with amusement and produced a handkerchief that she dipped in the water glass. I tilted my face towards her in permission and she dabbed at my face until she was satisfied. “There. Now, you said you had some correspondence you wished me to look through?”

“Yes, please, that stack directly in front of you. And please be blunt with me. I’m hopeless at subtlety.” I said and moved to pour her some tea. It smelled like chamomile and lavender. 

“Of course, dear.” She deftly opened the letter and read through it as she sipped at her tea. “This one is asking to send his elf blooded daughter to you for safe keeping.” She said and slid it towards me, tapping the relevant paragraph. “And here, is his offer of support to the Inquisition if you do so.”

Oh. Instinct demanded I accept immediately, but with Orlesians… “But?”

“But he is simply trying to rid himself of a nuisance. The mother does not agree with this.” Vivienne pursed her lips and ran her finger down to a sentence that was convoluted. “Here. He is basically selling his bastard to you to keep her out of his wife’s eye.” 

“Ah.” I rubbed my temples in frustration. “Would- how would I be able to get the child and the mother away from him?”

“Send him a reply talking about the cost and difficulty of hiring nursemaids for elfblooded children and ask if he has an elf that he can send with her-” She paused and then pulled a paper closer to her. “Here. I will compose the necessary wording and you can add to it in your own words.”

“Thank you so much.” 

She smiled at me with a slightly bewildered air. “Of course, dear. Besides. I now know that this Compte is in a precarious situation with his wife or he would not be writing to you. More than worth the effort.” 

I laughed slightly and grabbed a tea sandwich. As long as we both got what we needed. 


	54. Chapter 54

With Vivienne’s help, I got through the Significant stack and she was practically  _ gleeful _ at the information she had gathered. Also, apparently a lot of Orlesian nobles thought I was a prostitute. She wrote out the key phrases for me to use to tell them that not only was I not for sale, but I would warn them against spreading that misinformation, but all in a saccharine sweet tone that they couldn’t call me out on. Now I could tell them off correctly. I wasn’t offended or anything by the assumption, it just wasn’t my line of work. Vivienne was an absolute blessing, and suffered another hug from me when we reached the bottom of the stack, and then she nearly gaped at me when I shoved the letters I had already replied to into her hands to keep.

“This… this is too much, Castellan. This is…”

“They’re more useful to you than to me.” I shrugged and then smiled. “Besides, I had a lovely time having tea with you today and maybe they’ll entice you to drop by again.”

She laughed delicately and tucked the letters into the crook of her arm. “The company is enticement enough, darling. But very well.” 

She curtseyed, which was… weird, and left. I had actually had a decent time with her, though I had a bit of a tension headache.  _ Orlesians. _ Ugh. I put up my papers and headed back to the den for supper, collecting my ‘entourage’ as I passed them at the office door. Inar shifted behind Thom with an embarrassed expression and I glanced over her in concern, only to have to stifle a giggle at the sight of her pockets bulging out. What-?

“Lady Wolf.” Sa’nehn said in a sharp tone, and when I glanced at him, shook his head slightly.

Okay. Not mentioning it then. Inar’s face was red, but I pretended not to notice as we headed down the garden pathway into the Den. 

“Will you be leaving the Den again today, my lady?” Thom asked as we entered the cavern.

“No, I don't intend to. You can get out of your armor and relax. Thank you for keeping me safe today.” I tugged on his arm and when he bent, pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, then grimaced because ew, beard. He laughed and ruffled my hair and I did the same to Sa’nehn. “Thank you, ma’fenlin.” He gave me a smile and ruffled my hair too before leaving to change.

Inar fidgeted uncertainly and I smiled at her. “You may go, da’lan. You did very well today. Thank you.” 

“Thank you, lady wolf.” She said in a hurry and then rushed over to greet Dalinev, bending their heads together as she started pulling food from her pockets. I looked away, mindful of Sa’nehn’s silent warning to let her be. The kids wanted to tell me about their day and Maeva had me peel potatoes as I listened to their stories about the tutor and the fight Harriet had with a Sister who tried to herd the elf kids away from the schooling rooms. I held up my hand and stilled the chatter at that. 

“She what?”

“The sister said that we were bothering the other students.” Haleir said. “That rabbits shouldn’t clutter up the school room. Harriet yelled at her and the noise brought Chancellor Roderick in.” 

I settled back into my seat to listen, realizing I had started to stand in outrage. “Oh? What did he say?”

“He said she was ‘relieved of her duties’ as a teacher and kicked her out, saying the Herald was proof that all were the Maker’s children and to go pray until she saw the Maker’s light, and then had some people go find the elf kids that were working and bring them into the school room and took over teaching them.” Haleir finished. “Then we went to the tutor. He’s nice. Has a funny accent.”

That… was shocking. The last thing I had expected to hear, but… “That’s good, da’lin.” I found Harriet’s eyes and smiled gratefully at her, bowing my head in thanks. She smiled smugly behind her mask and I couldn’t help but think she might have somehow arranged this. I wasn’t complaining though, no, I was downright appreciative. 

Funny how a cryptic phrase spoken in a quiet room had changed things so unexpectedly. Little threads. A life saved and now he was helping others. His voice had cracked when he said the Divine had died. He was seeing the abuses of the Chantry and fixing them. 

The thought snagged in my head, turning over and over as the kids chattered away to me over supper. Solas came and slipped into the seat at my right hand and I kissed him absently before speaking to Andrew. “I think you should tell the Grand Enchantress about the cure.” 

He paused with his fork halfway to his mouth before setting it down with a hopeful expression. “It… isn’t a pack secret?”

“No. It was never meant to be.” I answered with a frown. “I… was trying to protect you from the Chantry but it… It’s not right to keep that knowledge from mages. It’s too important. Now that the Seeker’s tome is found, Kost can protect you from the Chantry, and it might be best to show him that it is possible before some people can try and tell him otherwise.” 

Andrew nodded eagerly. “I will speak to her tomorrow and help spread the word. Thank you, Lady Wolf.” 

I waved my hand dismissively. “I have done nothing. I should have told her sooner but it slipped my mind.” 

“There is an awful lot in there.” Sa’nehn piped up. “It’s bound to get jumbled.”

“Which is why one person shouldn’t have all of the knowledge. If I forget it’s gone!” I was feeling a little anxious over the fact. “Mages need to know that there is a cure for tranquility, and that there is a way to unpossess mages, and that the Chantry knew and  _ still _ locked them away and brutalized them.” 

Solas’ hand on my arm kept me from jumping up. “Write what you know of the matter down and give it to Andrew. He and the Grand Enchantress can spread the knowledge.” His hand squeezed my arm lightly. “Tomorrow. Eat and rest, ma’lath. You can change the world tomorrow.”

I sighed but nodded in agreement. “Alright.” I smiled at Andrew. “Don’t let me forget to write it down?” 

He nodded quickly. “Of course, Lady Wolf. Thank you.”

I waved off the thanks. “I should have given the information to you all a long time ago. Thank you for your patience.” 

Andrew laughed and shook his head with a slight eye roll, and we fell to less dramatic topics. I finally had a bit of time to knit and I made a soft bit of leaf shaped lace for Solas’ freeform afghan before setting it aside and starting to carve a bit of wood into a (hopefully) mabari shape. Rage came up and rested his head on my thigh as I worked and chatted with the pack.

Then I was in the fade. I frowned at Solas. “I fell asleep.”

He laughed. “You did. You are in with the pack tonight, the children missed you.”

“Thank you.” That was sweet. I reached out and touched the threads of the dreams around me, running through frequencies. Cullen was dead asleep, Rosi as well. The pack was resting, though Inar felt distressed. I tugged on the thread of her dream and found myself surrounded by the vague, shadowy dreams of a non mage. There were wolves, massive and snarling, surrounding Inar and the flickering forms of her family. I moved in front of her and put my hands on her face. “Da’lan, all is well. You are safe.” 

She blinked at me and I hushed her. “All is well. You are safe.  _ Wake. _ ”

She disappeared and her dream with her and I went back to the dream Solas had created for us. It was a veritable nest of soft pillows and blankets and I sank into it happily.

“You care so deeply, vhenan.” He said and brushed a kiss to my forehead. “You are exhausted.”

“I took a nap today.” I said with a frown. “Am I using my magic without knowing again?”

Solas laid down next to me and pulled me against his chest and buried his face into my hair. “Yes, but your connection to Skyhold and your spirits is mutual. The magic you send to them is returned in kind. It should not be tiring you so. It is more likely a physical exhaustion. You did recently return from a strenuous trip, and I fear the Commander and I may have added to your strain.”

“Heh.” I laughed approvingly. That had been very nice. 

“You are eating properly at least.” He said in an amused tone. “Perhaps your body is simply working to regain what was lost.” 

“Very possible. I need my squish back.” I sighed contentedly, enjoying having him close. “Did you have plans for tonight?”

“I did not.” I felt him smile against my head.

“Good.” I rolled to my feet and grabbed his hand to pull him up. “Let’s go to the stars. I want to show you a nebulae.” 

He raised his eyebrows in interest. “What is a nebulae?”

“A cloud of gas and debris and other things floating in the void of space. They’re really quite pretty.” I closed my eyes and brought up my memories of the Crab Nebulae. “This one is believed to have been formed by an exploding star a thousand years ago or so.”

I opened my eyes when I felt his hand tighten and he gasped. We were surrounded by the swirling, massive expanse of colors and light that I remembered from pictures and simulations. 

Solas reached out and ran his fingers through a filament of gasses with a flare of wonder. “It… is much larger than I expected from a star.”

“Oh, it’s actually much, much larger than this, I’m just not able to conceptualize how large it is in comparison to me.” I laughed. “It’s larger than I can comprehend, honestly. Stars are much larger than you’d think. They’re just really, really far away. The sun is a star, also much farther away than you’d think.”

“Amazing.” He breathed, still looking around in awe. “How…? Your people live for so short a time and yet…”

“We have the curiosity and drive of those who know their time is limited.” I shrugged. “There’s no complacency in how things are, in what we know. Since I’ve been alive, so many things have been invented and discovered and built and changed, that what my parents taught me was outdated information, that what I knew a decade ago was outdated.”

“How can you bear for everything you knew to be…” He paused and looked away from me with a flare of pain and loss. “Gone.” 

“A healthy dose of acceptance. I’m just one of a billion, important in that I exist, but tiny. A thread in a weave. What I know and do is built on those that came before me and what I know and do will be built on by those that come after me.” 

I gestured to the nebulae, twirling around with him in it. “This was first observed by people alive a thousand years ago and written down. Another man saw it hundreds of years later with technology built by people who had already died. He wrote it down and a hundred years later someone else got a better look at it with technology built by other people, and a hundred years later, someone else looked at it with technology built by other people, and so on until we know what this looks like by the visible eye, by heat, by sound, by radiation.” 

I shrugged. “Thousands of years and thousands of people, and all of us contributed in some small way. It keeps going and changing long before and after I’m gone. I existed, I loved, I worked, I created, and then I died.”

Solas sighed and took my other hand and gave me a puzzled look. “You think so little of yourself.”

“No, I simply accept my place in the weave.” I contradicted, then pulled him into one of the winding dances he had taught me. “Sure, I might be special and weird here, but I still couldn’t do anything without other people. Where would I be without Saam to make sure I eat? Without Miadhal to grow food? Where would I be without you to teach me magic, without Rage to soothe my temper? Where would I be without Sa’nehn looking out for me, or Lahnehn making me clothes?”

“But you are still singular in your drive and passion.” He said, but it sounded less argumentative than I expected. 

“But I would just be a voice in the wind without everyone else.” I stumbled slightly over a particularly tricky backwards step and he corrected my footwork with a gentle nudge of magic.

“I concede your point on the matter.” Solas said with a touch of amusement. Then after a few more steps where his eyes wandered over the wisping colors of the nebulae, he quietly asked again. “The… constant changing does not… grieve you?”

“No. Change is natural, change is inevitable, change is good. Like a river. The water flows and changes, and if it stills and gathers, it grows stagnant and moldy. Corrupted. Things and people change, built on what came before, but still growing, still to be changed. Traditions linger but the meanings change, history is remembered and learned from, or repeated. Change is life.” 

“Ancient forests do not change. They are solid and still.” He said obstinately.

I shook my head with a huff. “That is because you are only looking at the whole thing. Look deeper, smaller.” I changed the nebulae to an old wood forest and he let out a little protest in his throat that I ignored and instead knelt at the base of a tree. “Look.” 

I pulled aside some of the leaf litter and showed him the rotting leaves and growing mushrooms, the little bugs scurrying to and fro. “These little bugs…” I captured an earthworm and held it up. “This worm lives but a fraction of the time of the trees, but the trees can’t live without it. It eats the leaves they drop, and the branches and twigs, and turns it into nutrients that they live on. Without the worms, the trees would starve and suffocate in their own waste. This mushroom lives but a fraction of the time the tree does, it grows and spreads and changes, breaking down and rotting away under the trees’ roots. It gives the trees nutrients in return for the sugar the trees make from the sun. Even the trees themselves change. A branch falls from the wind and leaves a gap in the canopy that allows another, younger tree to grow. An ancient tree sickens and falls, and a dozen new ones spring up in its place. The forest changes on scales tiny and large.” 

I handed Solas the earthworm and he held it with a grimace of distaste.

“And there are also the large events. Perhaps a wildfire or a tornado, and the trees are thinned out, torn up, or broken. Some remain, changed, some are gone to the insects and mushrooms. And new ones grow in their place.” I handed him a sprouting acorn and he held it next to the wriggling earthworm, though his gaze remained attentive on me. “You can try to change a forest back to the way it was before, but it will never be the same, even if you shaped the trees exactly how you remember… do you remember the worms? The mushrooms? Do you remember the pattern of leaf litter and logs? Do you remember how it truly was? Or do you simply remember the stately trees and not what was needed to keep them upright?” 

Okay… this was a surprisingly philosophical dream. I sighed and cupped my hands under the backs of his larger ones. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lecture.”

“Tel’abelas, ma’lath.” He said quietly, his eyes dropping from my face to the worm in his hand. “You have given me much to think on.” After a pause, he added in a slightly pleading tone. “But may I put the creature down now? It makes me uneasy.” 

I took the worm from him with a laugh and put it up to my face. “They’re just a little sweetheart!”

He grimaced. “Please… do not. That is disgusting.”

“They’re not disgusting! They’re practical! I used to have a tub of them I would feed and care for.” I said in mock offense, but put the imaginary worm in the imaginary leaf litter. 

Solas sighed. “Somehow, that does not surprise me in the least.” 

I laughed and fluttered my eyelashes at him. “Am I finally losing my air of mystery, Fen’Harel?”

He captured my waist in his hands and pulled me close to breathe against my ear. “Not even close, little rebel.” 

I woke up humming and rolled over to grab the nearest person into a hug. It happened to be Maeva, who put her entire hand over my face with a sleepy, “Not now, Saam. The kids.” 

I laughed and let her go and slipped out of the bed to get on with my day. Kost would be back today! And Dorian and Cole! And… either Hissrad or Bull. Well. Best to face the day with optimism. Kost liked the Chargers. 

I bathed, dressed, and was furiously writing everything I could think of about unpossessing mages and curing tranquility, along with rambling notes about how the Avvar probably had more knowledge on the subject and Fiona could probably send some people there to learn. It was scattered and unorganized, but I crammed every little detail I could think of onto the paper. I paused when I felt fingers lay across the back of my neck and looked up to see Solas reading over my shoulder.

“It’s a bit disorganized.” I admitted sheepishly. “Free form writing.”

“It is like trying to draw information from a spirit. The flow and connections are there if you look for them.” He said and his fingers traced the side of my neck lightly before he pulled away and moved to catch a sleepy Rasa who toddled directly into his legs. 

“Mack?” She mumbled, laying her head on his shoulder. 

I may have let out a little ‘aw’ at the sight and Solas gave me an exasperated look, but still held her as he moved to sit down beside me. “I do not know why she has latched onto me.” He said, but his hand was splayed over her back to keep her against his shoulder.

“You gave her magic.” I pointed out, then smiled at the sight of Rosal’s big eyes peeking over the edge of the table at Solas. “You should give Rosal a light too.”

He gave me a flat look but took his hand off of Rasa’s back and conjured a light, offering it to Rosal. “Would you like a light, Da’lan?”

Her eyes widened and then she crept forward and cautiously reached for the light, her eyes darting between it and Solas before her fingers closed around the light. She let out a soft, delighted squeak as she cupped the light in her hands, then looked up at Solas in awe. “Magic?”

“Vin, da’lan. You have magic.” Solas smiled, and then sighed when Rasa lifted her head off of his shoulder and made a grasping motion. “You as well.” 

He conjured a light for her to take and she took it with a happy babble that had Rosal darting forward and climbing onto his lap. Solas looked slightly terrified as the pair of toddlers started giggling and trading lights with each other. He gave me a wide eyed look. “There are two of them.”

I laughed and folded up my paper to give to Andrew. “Yes. Two adorable, tiny, little baby mages.” 

“A mage?” Dalinev said from the doorway to the Dalish sisters’ room. “Rosal is a mage?”

“Vin.” Solas replied uncomfortably. “She has not manifested yet, and will not for some years, but she has the potential.”

“Oh, thank the creators.” Dalinev breathed, her hands clasped over her rounded belly. 

Solas made a face, but pressed his lips together and said nothing. The two elf toddlers giggled and started patting their hands together, the lights clinging to their fingers. 

Dalinev blinked and looked close to tears. “Her father was our First. His magic passed on.” 

“Ir abelas.” I said softly. “I sorrow for your loss.” 

She nodded and smoothed her hands over her stomach before slowly approaching and sitting across the table from us, her eyes fixed on the two children playing with magic. “He is not here to teach her how to use her magic.”

Solas looked down at Rasa and Rosal before giving Dalinev a pensive look. “We may not be versed in the Dalish ways, but we will teach her the use of her magic.” At a sharp elbow from me he added. “With your permission.” 

Dalinev lowered her eyes to the girls before nodding. “Ma serannas, hahren.” 

There was a long, poignant silence before I very quietly asked. “Do you think Rosal will start calling you ‘Mack’ as well?” 

The child in question looked at me and then Solas. “Mack?”

Solas sighed longsufferingly. “My name is Solas.”

Rasa giggled and shook her head. “Mack.”

“Solas.”

“Mack.”

Solas gave me a dry glance. “I blame you.”

“Fair enough.” I laughed, and was relieved to see Dalinev smiling fondly at her daughter. Hopefully they’d continue to settle in well. 

I handed my notes over to Lahnehn over breakfast with a request for her to make another copy and give one to Andrew and one to Varric to send to Merril, and then went up to my office with Margaret and Inar. Which reminded me and I sent Inar off with her first message of the day telling Cullen that if he wanted to introduce me to his choices for my fourth guard in a day or two I was willing to make time to meet them.

So much paperwork…

I could hear children laughing outside my office and when I looked out the windows, I could see Pragma giving rides to them, rumbling contentedly as they dropped bits of meat into her jaws or scrubbed at her back with brooms. I was glad she seemed to be enjoying herself. I did see Aelon talking to her and then very, very carefully cut a scale from her tail, no doubt for Helisma to study. 

Aelon lifted her head and looked around, then waved when she caught sight of me watching her from my office. I waved back before turning my attention back to my mountain of letters. I had three written and sent off when Rage waddled through the door with a triumphant thunder of wings and hissing. I raised my eyebrows at him, but he just ruffled his feathers up and watched the door with a hiss. A few seconds later, Cassandra tried to storm in, only to be stopped by Margaret’s hand in the center of her chest.

“Problem, Seeker?” Margaret asked in a low tone.

“I need to speak to Fen.” Cassandra said, stepping back in affront.

I watched with interest as Margaret simply leveled her with an unimpressed look.

“I need to speak to the Castellan.” Cassandra tried again. “Let me pass.”

“It’s alright, Margaret. You can let her in.” I called out. Margaret gave me a doubtful look, but stepped aside to let Cassandra in. (Though she followed her into my office with a dark scowl.

“Castellan. You told the Mages?!” Cassandra fumed. “Do you have any idea how irresponsible that was? You could-”

“Cassandra.” I said firmly, loud enough to speak over her and make her shut her mouth with a surprised click of teeth. “I’m going to stop you now. I told the mages, because they have every right to know. No matter what your chantry politics, no matter appearances or anything, they have the right to know how to undo the horrors put on them. They have every right to know that they can protect themselves, and that the Chantry purposefully lied to them to keep them under control. I do not regret telling them, and I will not listen to you berate me for it.” 

“You…” She trailed off before her face crumpled and she sat down in Cullen’s chair heavily. “You are right.” 

I waited for the ‘but’... it didn’t come. Huh. 

“Grand Enchantress Fiona formally requested I turn the Seeker’s Tome over to them.” She muttered eventually.

“Will you?” I doubted it, but she’d already surprised me once today.

“I… do not know. If I could rebuild the Seekers, make them better, what they were meant to be-” She paused and looked at me and I must have been making a face because she set her jaw. “You disagree?”

“I’m certain you are smart enough to guess my opinion on the matter, but I believe the subject is between you and the Inquisitor.” I said diplomatically. That was diplomatic, right? “He is returning today, I’m sure you can find a moment  _ after _ he has rested to speak to him about it.”

She looked crestfallen and stood awkwardly. “Yes… I suppose so.” She turned to leave, then paused and gave me a puppy dog sad expression. “I… thank you. For speaking with me.” 

“Of course.” I gave her a smile and Margaret escorted her out. I raised an eyebrow at Rage once she was gone. He looked like he was sulking. “You wanted us to fight.”

_ It would have been preferable. _ He sent petulantly. 

“Rage has its place, love. Give me someone accosting my pups and you’ll see Rage.” I laughed and flicked my fingers at him playfully.

He waddled over and rested his head on my thigh.  _ I will keep that in mind. _

“Where’s Wisdom? She normally accompanies you.” I asked and petted him absently as I looked over my next drafted reply.

_ With your Pup and Wolf. They play chess in the Pup’s office. The Pup’s head aches and the Wolf wishes to ease it with play rather than work. _

Huh. That was sweet of Solas. 

_ Wisdom says that your Wolf is fretting over you. You’re too tired, so he looks to your Pup. _

“It’s all this fucking paperwork.” I grumbled. “I just want to shred it and dump it on Kost’s head.”

Rage’s head snaked up and his beak darted towards my letter and I popped him lightly on the head. “I worked hard on that. We’ll set something up with Sera.”

He sent a distinct impression of pouting but set his head back on my thigh as I kept working and snacking on the bowl of greens that someone had left on my desk. They were really good. I shared some with Rage, but he was less appreciative so I ate them all myself. 

I startled and lifted my head off of my desk and blinked blearily at Varric when he came in with an exasperated, “Really, Fluffy? Just… really?” He paused and then frowned. “Were you asleep?”

“I. Yeah.” I rubbed my eyes. “I think I was. What did I allegedly do this time?”

“You sound like Hawke.” He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly. “Your girl brought me this.” He held up a folded piece of paper between two fingers. “Do you have any idea the… the chaos this is going to cause?”

“Yes.” I said simply. “But it’s still the right thing to do. To share that information. I’ve already passed it on to the Grand Enchantress, but it will take her time to spread it. Merrill still has contact with Dalish clans. They need to know about this too, to help their clan members that the Chantry has stolen and hurt, to protect themselves.” 

He studied me for a long moment before sighing and putting the paper in his jacket pocket. “This might get assassins sent after you, Fluffy. This is big.” 

“I have guards, I stay in Skyhold as much as I can, and as the incident in the courtyard shows, I am willing to risk my life to protect and help people who need it.” I said quietly, then reached out to the stones to get a sense of what was going on in Skyhold while I had been out. 

The Den was content. The area near the War Room was in a flutter. I sensed a brush of… reassurance? That felt like Solas and then the gates felt expectant. “I think the Inquisitor is close.” 

Varric was looking at me uneasily when I blinked away from the Stones. “What…?”

“Oh, I speak to the stones.” I smiled and patted Rage off of my lap. “I think I’ll make my way down to the courtyard to wait for him.” 

“You… speak to the stones. Of course you do. You talk to geese and cats and now the stones. Why not?” He shook his head with a laugh, then offered me his elbow. “Well, I might as well see what sort of trouble you get into between here and there. Will feel just like old times.”

“I’m considerably less jacked than Hawke is.” I laughed and hooked our arms together. Varric was actually not too tall so he could escort me comfortably. 

“Jacked?”

“Having lots of muscle.” 

“Ah.” He laughed, seeming content to just roll with my oddness. ‘You are a few threads shy of a shadow.”

“I think I got a little squish back. It’s surprisingly hard to eat enough.” I complained. “Always running here and there to deal with other people’s drama. I create enough drama of my own.” 

“That you do, Fluffy. That you do.” He sighed good naturedly.

He escorted me down to the courtyard and we ran into Mina, who assured me baths and meals were already prepared for everyone, and then into a startled Cullen as we stepped off of the stairs. 

“Lady Fen, I was just about to send word to you. The Inquisitor should be here shortly.”

“The stones told me. Thank you for thinking of me, Commander.” I smiled up at him brightly. “How are you feeling?”

“Ah.” He glanced at Varric and back to me with a grimacing sort of smile. “Well. Solas succeeded in distracting me from my work for an hour. I was going to bring lunch to you but the Inquisitor is making faster time than we expected.”

“It’s all right. You’ll just have to make it up to me by joining us for dinner in the Den.” 

“Very well.” He said happily.

“Why don’t I get dinner in the Den.” Varric complained playfully. 

I squeezed his arm and then slipped my arm out of his. “Because you’ve never asked.” 

“That simple?” Varric asked incredulously.

“For you? Yes.” I said, and promptly captured Cullen’s arm instead. Cullen flashed a tiny, shy smile at me. “Do you want to come as well?”

Varric glanced at our linked arms and then over to Solas who was approaching at a sedate pace. “Nah. Not tonight. Something tells me tonight’s going to be busy for you.”

Cullen choked slightly. “Maker’s breath. Is it that obvious?” 

Varric gave an absolutely delighted grin as Solas stepped up to stand at my other side. “Well… I didn’t mean it like that, but yeah, it really is, Curly.”

I brushed the back of my hand against Solas’ and he captured my hand and squeezed it briefly before letting it go and returning to his ‘humble’ posture. Judging by Varric’s scoff, he wasn’t fooling anyone. I grinned happily at Solas, and then up to Cullen, enjoying having them both near me. This was so much more pleasant than mountains of paperwork. 

Varric opened his mouth to no doubt say something hilarious, but there was a shout from the gates and Cullen shifted towards it, unconsciously pulling me with him, and I instinctively grabbed Solas’ wrist to pull him along with me as Cullen headed for the gate. I heard Margaret murmur something in qunlat as she followed, but Varric waved and headed back towards the castle. I may have been fidgeting as people and horses filed into Skyhold, and I couldn’t help a breath of relief when I saw Krem shouting to the stable hands to come collect the horses. 

Bull had gone Tal Vashoth. 

And there was Kost handing his reins to a stable hand then turning to call something to Bull. Bull, not The Iron Bull. Bull, a singular person. Free. I could feel myself grinning so wide it hurt my cheeks as the two massive men started for us. Kost’s eyes flicked over us three and his eyebrows raised before he grinned. “Commander. Castellan. Solas.” 

It sounded odd for Solas to just be… Solas. But I waited until Cullen had said something formal sounding before I inclined my head slightly. “Inquisitor.”

Kost grimaced and then held out his arms and I slipped away from Solas and Cullen to grab his waist in a hug. 

“I see you brought him back.”

“Yeah. I got my boys.” I said into his stomach. “Mina made sure there is food and baths in all of your rooms.” 

“You’re the best, Fen.” He said wearily.

“Go on. Catch some rest before they start hounding you.” I whispered.

He ruffled my hair and moved off and then I was faced with Dorian, who tutted at me. “You missed our dinner appointment.”

“So I did. I’ll make it up to you.” 

He raised an eyebrow at me and glanced between Cullen and Solas pointedly. “Oh, I don’t blame you, just don’t steal all the men in Skyhold, gem.”

I laughed and heard Cullen cough behind me. “No promises, love. Go get rested and we’ll have dinner some time soon.”

Dorian brushed a kiss to my temple before moving off and then Cole flitted in front of me with wide, pale eyes. “You should tell them. It’s okay for it to be too much.”

“It’ll get easier once I catch up.” I said and pulled him into a hug. “I’m happy for you.”

“You think I’m right as I am.” 

“You are.”

Cole pulled away with a smile and glanced over my shoulder. “The necklace should work now.” 

“Indeed.” Solas said. “Come, I’ll help you with it.” He bent and pressed a kiss to my temple. “I will see you later, ma’lath.”

“I’ll see you later, vhenan.” I smiled and they left, and Cullen flashed me a smile before moving towards a scout.

That left me with Bull, who was watching me with a controlled expression. I stepped up close to him and glanced over him. He looked tired. “Bull. You brought your Chargers home. Good.” 

“Yeah.” His voice was flat and he was watching me expectantly. 

“I trust you with my people because I know how you lost your eye and what your tama called you.” I offered softly. “You fear going mad, and while I say you will not, know that none of us will let you hurt anyone if you did.” 

He gave me a slightly startled expression that was quickly smoothed away before he nodded. “Thanks.” 

“Go take care of your Chargers, Bull. You did well.” 

He studied me again before slowly asking. “Can I talk to you later?”

“Of course. Any time.” I assured him. 

He gave me a grateful but tired smile then turned and called out. “Chargers! Tavern. Drinks are on me.”

I smiled after him, feeling lighter than I had this morning and turned to see Margaret watching him curiously. I grinned at her. “He’s Tal Vashoth.” 

Her eyes widened and then she smiled. “Good.”

‘Good’ indeed!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, y'all. Again, my mental health is making it hard for me to concentrate. Thank you for being patient with me as I slow down and take breaks.   
> Don't forget to be kind to yourself and hydrate. <3


	55. Chapter 55

Adaar’s return had thrown Skyhold into enough of a tizzy that I didn’t feel obligated to return to my office and stacks of paperwork. In fact, a rather eager runner came up and told me that the Inquisitor wished to speak to me as soon as possible. I thanked them and told Inar that she could have the rest of the day off. There was no reason for her to hover around me if I was going to shirk my paperwork the rest of the day. Margaret stayed firmly by my shoulder as I reached out to the stones to get a sense of where Kost was. He was in his room, a bright, intriguing presence against the stones. 

I made a face at the foot of the stairs back up to the castle, then stifled a shriek of surprise when Margaret simply scooped me up princess style and started carrying me up. I grinned up at her. “You are very strong.”

“Thank you.” she said with just a hint of smugness. 

She set me on my feet at the top of the stairs and I nodded in greeting to a ferelden noble that smelled familiar. Why did he… Oh! The one I had sniffed as a wolf. I paused and greeted him properly, introducing myself.

He seemed surprised but introduced himself as Bann Jamisan, and after a bit of hesitation asked after my wolf. 

“Oh, Fen’Harel is a bit of a handful.” I laughed. “She’s mostly kept out of the way of the more delicate nobles up here. Wouldn’t want to frighten them away.”

He glanced over at an Orlesian man gasping dramatically at something someone had said and stifled a laugh. “Yes, I can see why you would be concerned about that. She is a wonderful canine, though. I wouldn’t mind seeing her again. I left my own dogs at home, my girl is with pups and I didn’t want to risk them on the journey through the mountains.” 

I smiled sympathetically. “I’ll see if I can send her up sometime for you. There are dreadfully few dogs here in Skyhold, but a wolf is close enough perhaps?” 

He smiled gratefully and I bid him farewell and made my way to Kost’s room. I ran into Josephine, rifling through a stack of papers with a thoughtful expression.

“Are those for Kost?”

“Yes, I am waiting for-” She let out an undignified squeaking sound when I pulled them out of her hands. 

“I’ll take them to him.” I said cheerfully and darted away before she could protest. I knocked sharply on his bedroom door and walked in. I could just leave the papers on his desk for after he had gotten a meal and some rest and-

“Oh I was too fast.” I said as I finished ascending the stairs and found myself faced with a giant, muscled qunari in a bathtub. It was a very nice view.

Kost raised his eyebrows at me but kept washing. “Did you run the entire way here? It usually takes you a lot longer to make it up here.”

“Not really. I even stopped to talk to a noble. I was polite, you can be proud of me.” I said cheerfully and moved past him to set the papers on his desk. “Margaret carried me up the stairs, however.” 

“Ah, that explains it.” He laughed appreciatively. “She is very strong.”

Margaret had apparently elected to stay down on the stairway. (I bet Josephine had been about to say ‘I am waiting for the Inquisitor to finish his bath’ now that I thought about it.) I turned and leaned my back against his desk. “You wanted to talk to me as soon as possible?”

“Is that what they said?” He huffed irritably as he tried to wash his hair. There was a deep, stitched up gash on the back of his arm. “Why does everyone add urgency to what I say?”

“Hell if I know. Probably that fancy chair they stuck you in. Here, let me.” I stepped forward and batted his hands away and took over scrubbing the spicy scented soap into his hair. “What happened to your arm?”

“Spider. It’s taking a while to heal, Dorian and Dalish both are apparently shit at healing spells.” He paused and then added. “This doesn’t… bother you, does it?”

“Nah. I worked in the healers’ tents after the breach and me and the pack share bathing pools. You want me to take care of that for you? Can’t promise it will scar.” I picked up the pitcher of water he had been using to rinse and carefully started rinsing out the lather from his hair.

“Yeah, thank you. I’ll have to pick out the stitches before you do.” He said and then picked up a knife that had been sitting by the tub. 

I snatched it out of his hand. “I’ll do it. You wash everything I don’t want to touch.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Kost smiled at me, tired but the corners of his eyes crinkled up in genuine amusement. 

I started carefully cutting out the stitches, ignoring the well of blood it produced as the barely healing flesh started to pull apart. “So what did you want to talk about?”

“Oh. Dreams.” He hissed when I tugged a thread out of his skin. “Solas can- ow.”

“I’m being as careful as I can.” I murmured.

“Solas can go into other people’s dreams.” He paused and I made a noise of affirmation in my throat. He nodded and continued. “And he says I can dream with remarkable focus despite not being a mage. And I know you have your… knowing dreams. But when you went after Cullen, Solas came up one morning and said you said you had found him and I was wondering if...”

“I can enter other people’s dreams.” I confirmed. “I try not to as it’s invasive, but I can.” I pulled the last thread from his skin and then used the pitcher to rinse the gash out before channeling my mana into a familiar healing spell. The gash sealed up under my focus, leaving a thin, silvery line of scar tissue behind from where it had partially healed before my spell. “There. All better.”

“Thank you.” Kost murmured and flexed his arm with an expression of relief. “I’m getting out now.” 

I turned my back to give him a bit of privacy. “So did you have questions or something?”

“Oh.” There was a rustle of fabric being rubbed against skin. “Well, it seems like a pretty decent way to communicate over distances… I was wondering if it was… if you would try and come into my dreams? Like Solas did?” He finished awkwardly. 

“Sure. I can try. We have to be sleeping at the same time for it to work. There is also the fact that I would be walking in on a dream you’re having so… think of what you’re inviting me to see.” 

There was a long pause where he was absolutely still before he exhaled sharply. “Ah. Um. I… didn’t think of that.” 

Awkward. “I don’t know how exactly it works, but I know that Cullen can call my attention to him when he’s dreaming about me, and I can call Solas to my dreams. Maybe you can try to call me in a dream? We can try it and if it works, we can avoid me walking in on something private.” I offered. 

“That sounds reasonable.” Kost said with a tinge of relief and I heard the fabric rustling resume. “And if it’s an emergency and you walk in, well… it’s an emergency.”

“Cullen knows I am a dreamer. You can tell him to have me try to reach you in case of an emergency.” 

“How’s that work, anyway? You, Solas, and Cullen?” There was a clink of a buckle being done up. “If I can ask.”

“Very carefully. Lots of talking and discussions and respect. They tend to keep me between them.” 

“And you’re happy?”

“Blissfully.” I said brightly. I really was. 

“Good. Now. Join me for lunch? I want to hear all of the gossipy details.” Kost walked up and rested a hand on my shoulder. “And they sent enough food for four.”

“I’d love to! Can Margaret join us?” I turned to smile brightly at him. The glyph I had given him was hanging over the shirt he was wearing. I probably needed to revamp it soon.

“Of course.” 

Lunch was fun. It was nice to relax and chat with Kost and to see him slowly unwind from the pressure of being Inquisitor. He and Margaret seemed to hit it off, him speaking to her in his halting, sparse qunlat he was learning from Bull, and her grinning at him and correcting his pronunciation. She seemed more willing to speak in her faltering common once he showed he was worse at qunlat. She made a joke in qunlat to him that somehow led to them wrestling on the floor while I stole all of the little meat pies and ate them while I watched them try to get the upper hand.

Margaret did some odd move where she reached up and wrenched Kost’s head to the side by his horns and then she had him pinned face down on the floor with her knee holding his arms behind his back and her hand pressing his face awkwardly into the floor by his horns. She laughed brightly and stood, pulling him up with an offered hand. “You forget-” She gestured at her own horns. “They are there, even if not think to… not forget.” 

Kost laughed ruefully and shook out his head. “Remember. Yeah, I forgot how it is to wrestle with someone with horns.” 

“The Iron Bull?” She asked curiously as she sat back down and then tsked when she saw I had eaten all of the meat pies. She took the fruit tart on my plate in revenge. “He does not…” She gestured at her horns again.

“Ah. We normally spar with weapons. No grappling.” Kost shrugged.

“He has probably forgotten how it is to wrestle with someone who remembers their horns too.” I pointed out. “He’s been working with only humans, elves, and dwarves for ten years.”

Kost’s face lit up in earnest excitement. “You’re right. Maybe I can win for once.” 

“Do not-” Margaret clashed her hands together in illustration, “-your head. His horns are…” She held her hands in mirrored ‘L’ shapes, the thumbs touching to show the shape of Bull’s horns, then tapped her forehead. “Thick bone.” She paused and then added in a serious tone. “May need… to know you can win. Qun...” She twisted her fingers into claws and scraped them in the air around her head to illustrate the Qun messing with someone’s head. 

Kost nodded seriously, clearly not understanding, but accepting her advice. He was good like that, always willing to listen and accept advice. It made him a good leader. My stomach was actually a little distended by the time I left Kost’s room with how much I had eaten, but I was ravenous and sleepy. I made my way back to my office reluctantly and did a little more paperwork, trying to make a dent in the overwhelming stack.

I was so, so relieved when a shadow across the doorway had me looking up from yet another letter asking (demanding) me to sway Kost to their point of view to find Cullen and Rosi looking at me with mirrored expressions of concern.

“Are you alright, love?” Cullen asked softly.

“Yeah. Just frustrated. Yet another Orlesian ass trying to make the upstart rabbit bring the ox to heel.” I waved the letter with an angry snarl, then slammed it to the side. “But you’re here and I will tell them off tomorrow.” 

“Someone told me that you needed a break, and it is nearly supper time.” Rosi said uncertainly. “But if you’re busy-”

“Nope. Absolutely not. Nothing to do.” I said hastily and shoved all of the papers into the locking drawer and standing quickly. “Take me away, please.” 

Rosi let out a little giggle she hid behind her hand and Cullen offered me his arm. “Where do you wish to go, Lady Wolf?” 

“You two want to come down to the Den for supper?”

They nodded and I smiled brightly and pulled them through the wards and then down the ramp to the Den. Rosi and I chatted about her studies with Fiona. Apparently structured magic was much easier for her to grasp than my uh, chaotic approach to it. She had already gotten a staff and was learning the ‘basics’ of magic control. It sounded incredibly boring to me, but I listened attentively because Rosi seemed so excited. I could see Cullen casting her fond glances as she chattered about staff resonances. 

I caught a tickle from the stones when we made it to the cavern and I followed it to see Katerina and Prim sitting at the table, their arms pressed tightly together and Rage and Cole both sitting by them. I slipped away from Cullen’s arm and moved over to check on them. Sa’nehn was standing nearby, his fists clenched in his lap.

“Is everything alright?” I asked softly. Prim looked like she had been crying.

_ Will you be angry with me if I kill someone? _ Rage asked.

“A push off the wall so no one notices.” Cole suggested. He had a familiar blue pendant on his chest. “They think you’re a goose. They won’t suspect.” 

I glanced at Prim’s red eyes and Katerina’s tightly controlled expression and then looked at Rage. “If they are hurting my pack…”

“He hurt them before they were pack. He tried again when they came out but Rage raged.” Cole said and reached out to touch Katerina’s shoulder. “He can’t reach you in here. Safe, hidden, whole. Not a prison, a shield.” 

“Do as you wish, Rage.” I said through my teeth, then dredged up the memory of having the Chargers kill the human who had hurt Sa’nehn and sent it to the spirit.

He ruffled his feathers and hissed.  _ I understand. _

He waddled off and I reflexively sent the two girls a brush of comforting mana. “He’s going to take care of it. You two are safe. Is there anything I can do to help?” 

“You already are, Lady Wolf.” Prim said softly. “I could say no. It was frightening, but… I said no.” 

“May I hug you?” I asked. She hesitated and then shook her head. I gave her a smile. “Alright. I’ll make tea.” 

I stood and noticed Cullen looked furious and horrified both. I tilted my head slightly at the end of the table opposite of Prim and Katerina and he nodded and moved to sit over there. Margaret quietly nudged Rosi to follow him before going to change out of her armor. Saam quietly moved over so I could use the heating glyph to make some tea, a large kettle of it.

“I packed up the herbs for the Avvar and added a few pairs of the mir’dalavuren Dagna created as well. Margaret drew some simple illustrations on how to use them.” She said quietly as she deftly assembled crepes with fish and fried vegetables from the gardens. “Amund is leaving tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Saam. You are an amazing Den Keeper and I appreciate everything you do for us.” I smiled fondly at her. The quiet Tal Vashoth mage was truly amazing. 

She flushed violet and ducked her head with a smile. After a moment of us working quietly beside each other, she spoke softly. “I made a key for Andrew. The pack agreed to accept him and all that remains is for you to name him pack.” 

“Of course. Prim and Katerina?”

“Say they do not feel ready for the decision.”

Fair enough. I nodded my acceptance and then started preparing tea for everyone. Prim and Katerina both gave me silent, relieved smiles when I wordlessly gave them their tea and then moved to bring tea to Cullen and Rosi. I sat down next to Cullen and pressed our thighs together.

“Are you…?” He paused and frowned into his tea cup. “Do you need help dealing with the person… harassing them?” 

“No. Rage is dealing with him.” I said. 

“The goose?” Rosi asked in a bewildered tone.

“Yes. Rage the Goose.” I smiled- okay, I may have smirked.

“But-”

“It is best not to ask, Rosi.” Cullen laughed wryly. “Believe me. If she says it will be dealt with, it will be.” 

“How’s your head?” I asked, blatantly changing the subject. 

Sa’nehn was speaking softly to Prim, his head bent towards her and his expression dark, and she looked relieved. Fenvir came up through the valley entrance with Felassan, Miadhal, and several others of the pack. Amund was with them, though he broke off from the group heading to the bathing pools to wash up to bring a string of fish to Saam and Maeva.

“It- better.” Cullen took a guilty sip of his tea. “Solas tricked me into taking a break and drinking some tea.”

“He is good like that. Very sneaky, my tricky old wolf.” I lifted my voice playfully as Solas emerged from the stairway. 

He gave me a flatly amused look. “But not as ‘tricky’ as my little punk wolf.” 

Cullen coughed slightly and when I glanced at him, his cheeks were a little red. Solas walked up to me with that silent, graceful prowl of his when he wasn’t hiding himself, and I lifted my hand towards him to pull him down next to me. Instead he captured my fingers and bent to brush a kiss to them. His nostrils flared and then he ran his nose from my fingers to the crook of my elbow before making an ‘ah’ noise in his throat and taking his seat. “So that is why the Ambassador gave me such a sympathetic look. The Inquisitor?” 

“I had lunch with him. Washed his hair.” I wiggled my fingers. Solas was probably smelling the soap. “Healed his arm.” 

“The tevinter needs to learn some useful spells.” Solas sighed. 

“It’s too bad there isn’t an experienced mage with excellent healing capabilities to teach him.” I said with an equally dramatic sigh.

Solas narrowed his eyes at me. “Indeed.” 

“You…” Cullen spoke and when I glanced at him he looked… hurt. “You and the Inquisitor… are…?”

“Friends?” I suggested carefully. 

He shut his mouth and looked down at his cup with his jaw tight, obviously hurt but not wanting to ask. 

“Cullen.” I said firmly and he glanced at me quickly, already looking guilty as I started to speak. “I received a runner saying he wanted to speak with me as soon as possible, the runner’s words apparently, and I walked in on him while he was trying to wash. I helped him with his hair since his arm was injured, then healed his arm. Afterwards, Margaret and I had lunch with him and discussed my capabilities as a dreamer. He is a friend. I would not take another lover without both yours and Solas’ approval, dharlin.” 

He looked relieved for a moment, then looked concerned. “You would take another lover?”

“Probably not. I find myself quite content with the ones I have. They certainly keep me busy.” I said with an exaggerated wink that had Rosi coughing into her hand. 

I reached out and put my hand on Cullen’s arm. “Dharlin. I love you and Solas. Kost is a friend. I’m affectionate with my friends, but I am faithful to my lovers. You do not have to fear me going to another without your approval or knowledge.” 

He let out a breath and looked contrite. “Forgive me, I simply do not… know how these things work.”

“It’s alright, dharlin. I’m glad you asked rather than worry in silence. This works how we decide it does, love. We discuss and are honest with each other.” I reassured him gently. 

“Her hands smell of the Inquisitor’s soap, and nothing else.” Solas interjected quietly. “And I can assure you from experience that she does not go to another without full and open approval and permission, as well as a frightful amount of discussion.” 

“The last thing I want is someone I care about to be hurt.” I said and slid my hands over each of their arms. I could see Rosi watching in fascination as Cullen gave me a soft smile.

“Our wolf blessing gives her love freely yet stays true to those in her innermost den.” Amund stated as he sat near Maeva.

I looked up, startled, and realized that most of the pack was sitting at the table and not even pretending that they weren’t watching me, Cullen, and Solas raptly. I… had forgotten they were there.

“Maker’s breath.” Cullen said under his breath, his face flushing bright red as he registered everyone looking at us, that they had heard everything I just said. 

I cleared my throat and spoke to Dalinev with a customer service smile. “I’m not sure if it is of interest to you, but there is a Dalish… archer that works for the Bull’s Chargers. They’re back in Skyhold if you wish to speak to her for any reason.”

“Oh. Thank you.” Dalinev said, her eyes darting from Cullen to Solas.

With that, we awkwardly moved into the fun part of eating and talking about our days. The kids were eager to talk about what they were learning in school and Jim showed off his first fire spell, a tiny little burst of flame that we all applauded. He flushed bright red and grinned so wide it looked like he was hurting his cheeks. I was so proud of him and I let him know. Rasa and Rosal both wheedled lights out of Solas and ran off to play with them.

I was on my third helping of food when Margaret suddenly stood up, her hand going to the knife on her belt as she looked towards the stair and barked out something in qunlat. I looked over to see… Bull coming into the Den with Wisdom leading him. I stood up and moved around the table to see him, concerned that Wisdom had felt it necessary to bring him in. 

“What is it, Bull?” I asked as he drew closer.

He abruptly dropped to one knee, his fist against the ground, and bowed his head as he spoke a quiet qunlat phrase. Saam and Margaret both gasped and then Saam was standing. “Children, come with me.”

Oh boy. I waited until the kids had left before glancing at Margaret in question. She was staring at Bull pityingly, though he hadn’t moved to even look up. She gave a grimacing smile. “He has ask for you to…” She faltered. “Head train.”

Re-education. Shit. 

“Why would you come to me for that, Bull?” I asked softly.

“I’ve seen your work.” Bull said, lifting his head to glance at Thom.

Ah. “The right mix of chemicals, right?”

He tensed slightly and glanced at me and I sat down on the ground in front of him and held out my hand. After a moment’s pause, he sat down, stretching out his bad leg, and took my hand in his. I mentally counted to fifteen and saw the line of his shoulders relax slightly. Physical contact.

“Did you know our brains create chemicals?” I asked softly, bringing up my other hand to soothe over the back of his gently. 

He shook his head, eye intent on me.

“Every emotion, every reaction has a chemical. Adrenaline is what you use as a Reaver. Cortisol is stress.  Dopamine and serotonin relate to pleasure and happiness. And this? What you’re feeling right now? That slight instinct to relax, the acknowledgment that me holding your hand like this feels nice, that is oxytocin. The bonding hormone. Fifteen seconds of skin to skin contact is normally enough to trigger it.” I smiled. “There are many more chemicals your body produces, but those are the ones I’m most familiar with. I’m sure you’ve noticed my breathing method?”

“Yeah. The kids call it the Wolf’s breaths.” He answered, watching me sharply. 

“That’s cute. I use it to calm myself down. The regular, deep breathing helps my brain release the chemicals that will calm me down. You fear going mad, becoming the violent, ruthless beings you fought.” 

It wasn’t quite a question but he still nodded.

“What did the Qun do for you? What did it offer you that makes you fear now that you have left it?”

“Purpose.” He hesitated and added. “Knowing someone would stop me if I went too far.” 

“You have to choose your own purpose now.” I squeezed his hand lightly. “That is part of being free, is having to choose. Choose your purpose, then choose your friends and people you trust. Ask them, and then trust them to stop you if you go too far. Choose, and I will help teach you my methods for control of self, how to use the chemicals your brain produces.” 

“You make it sound easy.” He said suspiciously.

“Not easy, never easy. Simple, but not easy.” I contradicted carefully. “This will be the hardest thing you ever do, but I believe you can do it. You are strong, Bull. There is no leash on you any more, but you are not a rabid dog, just someone that has been badly trained and treated. Retrain yourself. Choose.” 

“And If I choose Vir’Fenes?” 

“If that is what you want. The pack works together, helps each other. If you want to join the pack, you will have to speak to them each individually. The pack must choose you as much as you choose them. If you do not want to join the pack, you can still follow Vir’Fenes if you choose.” This was… so over my head. “Take your time choosing. Breathe. Think. All will be well.”

I looked up at a mental nudge from Pragma and saw her sliding through the doorway to the garden entrance. I smiled and squeezed Bull’s hand. “There’s someone who wants to meet you.” I nodded my head towards Pragma and Bull’s head turned towards her and then his breath caught in his chest.

“Fuck…” he breathed, pushing himself to his feet.

“Her name is Pragma. She’s an alligator, from my homeland. She is a fierce, deadly predator, and I trust her with my people because she controls herself.” Okay, ham handed point, but whatever. “You can ask her if she’ll let you touch her. She’s very smart.”

Bull didn’t even tear his eye from Pragma to roll it at me. He waited until she walked right up to him and opened her jaws, showing off her teeth. His breath caught and his hand twitched towards her, and then he cleared his throat. “May… I touch you?” 

Pragma moved closer with a rumble and lifted her snout up into his hand and he let out a shaky breath as he slid his hand over her snout, and then across her head, brushing reverently over her scales.

“She lives in the pond in the gardens if you ever wish to see her.” I paused and glanced at Pragma. “You came down here to see him didn’t you?”

_ His desire called to me. He loves my form. _ She preened.

Bull had knelt to touch one of her webbed, clawed feet and murmured something in Qunlat, and then looked up when Margaret replied. He studied her for a long moment before nodding sharply. 

Her hand touched my shoulder. “I take him up. Speak. Help.” 

I patted her hand and smiled. “Thank you, Fenlin.” 

She nodded and touched Bull’s shoulder and after a hesitation, he let her help him to his feet. She and Pragma escorted him out of the Den. The moment they were out of sight, I felt myself scooped up and squeaked. It was Cullen, and he had a pensive expression as he carried me towards my room. Solas was walking by him so I peered over Cullen’s shoulder and waved a ‘good night!’ to everyone. 

He brought me into my room and set me on the bed, then sank down onto the mattress next to me. I waited, giving him time to form his questions. I hoped I hadn’t freaked him out with the ‘brain chemicals’ thing…

“You… said you loved me. In front of everyone.” He finally said in a dazed tone.

I blinked at him. What? Solas also blinked, then shook his head with an amused sigh. “ _ That _ is what you want to talk about.” He chuckled softly and moved to the wardrobe to start rummaging through it.

“I mean… of course I did. I love you and I’m not ashamed of people know it. Was… should I not have?” I fretted. What if he had wanted to keep it private? What-?

He put his hand on the side of my face and kissed me very gently, and before I could deepen it, he pulled back and smiled at me with the softest, most wondering, expression I’d ever seen him give. “Thank you.” 

“Dharlin…” I sighed and kissed him. “You’re not my side piece, love.” 

“I have no idea what that means, but alright.” He huffed and then kissed me heatedly. 

“I believe it means she does not consider you her mistress.” Solas, the troll, said as he came over with a nightgown for me. 

Cullen startled and pulled away from me then flushed and put a hand over his face. “You say things like that on purpose.”

“Definitely.” Solas smirked.

I laughed and stood up to change. I loved my boys. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still slow goin' on the mental health front for me, stay safe y'all and hydrate!


	56. Chapter 56

I woke up with an uneasy nudge from Rage.

_ Your pup wars with himself. _

I slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Solas and pull him from the fade, and pulled a cloak around my shoulders. Cole met me at the door to my room and I followed him up the stairs and through the rotunda. We passed through the main hall and into a stairway in the kitchens, and then we started climbing down, down, down. I was panting slightly by the time we reached a dark hallway lined with dust covered doors. One door was disturbed and I could hear the thuds of a practice sword meeting something solid.

Cole slid the door open and I slipped through and paused at the sight of Cullen without his shirt or armor, hacking a training dummy to pieces with a blunted practice sword. He was covered in sweat, his hair sticking to his face and neck, and he kept letting out a little grunt of frustration with every hit. I felt my pulse pick up and made sure to steady my breathing.

“Dharlin?” I spoke hesitantly, practically feeling the anger radiating from him. I was surprised Rage wasn’t here…

He startled and whirled and lifted the sword up defensively, and I stepped back in just as much of a reflex, my pulse racing again. He stared at me for a long moment before he tossed the sword onto a table and turned away from me. “What are you doing here? You should be sleeping.”

“You’re upset.” I took a cautious step towards him.

“It is nothing.” He said and moved to lean both hands against the table. “I am being foolish and I know it. How did you even find me?”

“Rage told me you were upset and Compassion led me to you.” I took another step towards him. “Dharlin, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing!” He snapped. “I told you not to tell me, and I must-” He let out a scoff of frustration. “I must live with that.” 

“Cullen, all you have to do is ask and-”

“I don’t know what to ask!” He whirled towards me. “I don’t know to ask if you are married or if there are ancient elvhen gods speaking to you or if I am your  _ mistress _ or how many times Solas smelled me on your hands before you-” He was taking a step towards me with each statement and I knew, I  _ knew _ he wasn’t going to hurt me but he was big and angry and loud and my breath was catching in my chest-

He took another step towards me, almost close enough to grab me, and I frantically reached for anything to make myself feel safe, stretching and reaching and- I was on all fours, suddenly looming over him because I was too big,too stretched out, but still pressed back against the wall, my tail tucked under my legs and a whine in my throat making the candles tremble. Cullen cursed and stumbled backwards, reaching for his practice sword and I hunched back, trying to press further into the wall. My throat started hurting as my magic flared, and-

I was suddenly getting smaller, more familiar, easier to hold- my claws skidded against the stone floor as I pushed myself back and my breaths were coming out in panicked wheezes colored with whines. Cullen was staring at me but I couldn’t focus and then suddenly Cole was there, his hands on either side of my head, cold fingers digging into the fur. 

“Shush. It’s alright. He won’t hurt you. You’re safe. Breathe, as the wolf, fours, stacked and held in your chest, balanced.”

I nodded and started counting in my head. In-one-two-three-four. Hold-one-two-three-four. Out-one-two-three-four. Hold-one-two-three-four.

Eventually my breaths stopped coming out as a whimper, though I was still shaking under Cole’s hands. He pressed a kiss to my head and whispered. “Don’t change back yet.” Then he moved away, letting me see Cullen kneeling on the floor in the middle of the room watching me with a horrified expression.

“Maker’s breath, Fen… I’m sorry.” 

I shook my head and cautiously edged closer to him, though I only managed to sort of lay down on the floor with my muzzle pointed at him. I was fine. He wasn’t going to hurt me. In-one-two-three-four.

Cullen stared at me helplessly and then Cole poofed to his side and whispered something to him and he nodded shakily before edging towards me. “May… may I touch you, Fen?”

I nodded and scooted towards him again, and he ended up sitting on the floor with my wolf torso in his lap and his hand stroking my head gently.

“Forgive me. I… should not have shouted. I know it scares you.” He whispered guiltily. 

The only reply I could give in my wolf form was to thump my tail against the stone. He sighed and started stroking my ears. “I… found myself feeling jealous of Kost when- I accepted you hadn’t told me of your… marriage because it was so fantastical and I think… I think you  _ had _ tried to tell me but I stopped you. You… listen to my requests and I told you to not tell me. I  _ know _ that but… everyone knows the Inquisitor and you are fond of each other and then you…” He sighed bitterly. “I… guess I am feeling… uncertain.” 

I whined and pressed my hand into his hand and he rubbed my ears. 

“When… when I’m with you it isn’t… I don’t think about it. You’re so… earnest that I don’t really think about it. But away… the thoughts plague me and it feels like everything is falling apart. There is no way that someone… like you could love a mess of a man like me, so many failures and sins on my hands and you  _ know _ of them and then… Solas is so composed and he knows how to not frighten you. You two look at each other like… like you’re the suns in each other’s sky and…”

I lifted my head up to curl and tuck it against his side. He… seemed to have an easier time talking to me as a wolf.

“When I’m with you I feel like I’m being drawn into your sky, that I… belong with you… but… a broken down ex templar who has headaches and so much blood on his hands… compared to a scholar like Solas and an elvhen…” He trailed off and I felt him tense and then he spoke slowly. “Solas calls you Fen’Harel.”

“They all do. They all believe it. The lady by day, gathering her pups and wolves, digging her den with teeth and softness but the dreaded stalks dreams in the night, a scent never lost and secrets kept inside. Two halves of the same story.” Cole supplied.

Wait. Ah shit. No! 

“No. You’re you, but it’s hard to see the difference for them.” Cole murmured. 

I pulled my head out of Cullen’s lap and blinked at him. They… thought I was Fen’Harel… They… Felassan… hid behind Solas… from me… after I… Oh my gods! I had been unintentionally making everyone think-!? Which, hilarious, but- Solas! Laughing! Because-!

“Andraste’s tits, you’re Fen’Harel!” Cullen said in a strangled tone and- no!

I shifted into my elf form and shook my head frantically, pushing past the drained feeling in my throat and the dizziness. “I’m not an elvhen god, Cullen. I’m not!”

“It fits.” He said in a dazed whisper. “I… need to sit down.” 

I blinked at him and then he started to get up and I grabbed onto him to keep from being shoved off and he stopped but gestured sharply enough for me to flinch. “It fits! You’re a dreamer and a wolf and- and an elf! You’re Fen’Harel!”

“Cullen, I’m not! I found you because Loyalty is a spirit and he could find you! I found you tonight because Rage is a spirit and felt you were angry and got me. There were other dreamers out there! Me and Solas aren’t the only dreamers. I’m not the only mage who can shapeshift! I’m married to the Dread Wolf and apparently stole his name, which was partially me trolling him and partially an accident. And also partially true. Because. You know. Married. But I’m not him! But yes, I’m an elf.”

He shook his head and I felt my stomach drop but he sighed. “You’re right, you’re right. It is just… a lot of- fuck. For a moment I really thought…” He huffed a slight, self deprecating laugh. “I probably… should have let you tell me what you wanted to… at the lake.” 

“You said fuck.” I giggled, swaying slightly. That oversized wolf form had been way too much... “I… can talk to you when I wake up.” I said solemnly and toppled over. 

I woke up after fuzzy, indistinct dreams to find… I was freezing. And hungry. I sniffed sleepily and got a nose full of Cullen. Just Cullen. Ink. Cold. I cracked an eye open and glared up at the ceiling. It was in the middle of being patched but wind was still leaking through it. I heard a loud honk from below.

I was in Cullen’s room, in his bed. After a moment, I heard his footsteps coming up the ladder and I turned to pout at him from the pile of blankets. “I’m cold.” 

He winced and glanced guiltily at the ceiling. “Forgive me. I had a brazier going but it doesn’t help much.” 

He cautiously came towards me and I sat up and reached for him and was instantly picked up and held against a very warm Cullen chest. He still wasn’t wearing his armor, though he was wearing a shirt now. One of the weird ones like Kost wore all of the time with all of the toggles up the front. 

“It’s warmer down stairs.” He said apologetically. “I… considered taking you to the Den but I wasn’t sure… if I was allowed in after I…” He cut himself off guiltily. “Forgive me.”

“It’s alright.” I murmured against his chest. Sure, I had freaked out, but we really had needed that talk apparently. “You could have gone in. I’m wearing my key.”

“It… didn’t feel right to go in when you weren’t awake to… allow me.” He paused and then added uncertainty. “Solas came out to check on you and agreed that you should stay with me tonight? He stayed with us as well and left before you woke to fetch breakfast.”

“The necklace he gave me allows him to feel my emotions.” I murmured, wondering why Solas wouldn’t have wanted me back in the Den last night.

“Oh. That… explains quite a bit.” Cullen mused. “He does always seem to appear when you are distressed.”

“Mmhmm. You want me to ask him to make one for you?” I had curled as far into Cullen as I could and was blissfully soaking up his body heat.

“I… will think on it. I’m not sure… feeling emotions not my own are… wise for me…” He tensed, no doubt thinking of his dreams.

“Yeah. I do panic a lot too. Stresses Solas out. Also, he can feel when we have sex and that might be distracting for you if we were doing that while you were working.”

“Maker’s breath…” He flushed and held me tighter. “He can… when-”

“Mmhmm. Makes my dreams afterwards pretty interesting.” I was trying my best to be open about things now that he wanted to ask.

“You can… do  _ that _ in the fade?” Cullen sounded slightly strangled.

“Mmhmm.” My stomach was starting to growl.

“Can… we…?” He hesitantly asked.

“I’m not sure…” I winced. “You… aren’t aware you are dreaming. I’d feel like I was taking advantage.”

“I wouldn’t mind… you, um… Taking advantage.” He said awkwardly.

I laughed and moved to press a kiss to his jaw. “Good to know. But we probably need to talk that through more before deciding anything.” My stomach growled audibly and I hurried to finish what I needed to say before I needed to go find something to eat. “I’m sorry I made you feel… like you were secondary to me.”

“It wasn’t you. You’ve been nothing but… attentive.” He said quickly then sighed and dropped a kiss to my hair before pressing his cheek against the top of my head. “I was- it is my own inadequacies that plague me, love. Forgive me.”

“You are forgiven, all is well.” I murmured and tucked myself into him. “Next time… wake me up and tell me if you need to talk. I’ll shift into a wolf to make it easier for you to say what you need, happily.” 

Before he could reply, there was a loud knocking below and then Leliana was calling out. “Commander, are you in?”

Cullen slid me off of his lap apologetically and moved to the ladder. “I’m coming down.” 

I crept out of the bed after him and peered over the edge of the opening to see what was going on. Leliana and Mother Giselle and Rylen were all there. Cullen faced them in concern. “What is it?”

“One of the templars has died.” Rylen said bluntly. “Templar Heave. Fell from the outer wall.”

“He was attacked.” Mother Giselle interjected. “The Castellan-”

“Has been with me all night.” Cullen said, drawing himself up and then flushing when he realized how that sounded, but did not back down from the claim. “What happened?”

Leliana answered. “Witnesses say that as Templar Heave was walking the walls, the Castellan’s pet goose hissed at him. Templar Heave kicked the beast, which flew at him and startled him off of the wall.”

Cullen stilled and I could see him connecting Prim and Katerina’s tears in the Den and me telling Rage to deal with it and this report in his mind. “That… Maker’s breath… how is that supposed to count as an attack? He kicked an animal and it retaliated, as animals are known to do.” 

“That goose is a menace and should be dealt with.” Mother Giselle said stiffly.

“Do ye want us to clap it in irons and drag it before the Inquisitor to judge?” Rylen scoffed. “‘Tis a goose, Revered Mother. Geese are simply like that. Tis a terrible accident, but he should not ‘ave kicked the beast.” 

“The Castellan is known to have a remarkable ability to speak to these animals, to control them. We should not discount-”

“The same can be said of me with my ravens, Revered Mother.” Leliana interrupted, eyeing Cullen closely. “Or any Fereldon and their Mabari, or even a farmer and their druffalo. It was an accident and I do not think we should stoop to trying animals for crimes, do you?”

Mother Giselle’s nostrils flared as she obviously tried to control herself before she inclined her head. “Of course. I will perform rites on him and prepare his ashes to be returned to his family.” 

“Thank you. I will write the letter of condolences.” Cullen said stiffly.

Rylen escorted Mother Giselle out of his office, but Leliana lingered, waiting until the door was closed before speaking softly. “This particular templar had many… reports against him. Accusations from the mages of the circles he served in and from the maids and mages here in Skyhold.”

Cullen said nothing.

“Grand Enchantress Fiona approached me yesterday to try and submit an official complaint against him for abuse of the Tranquil.” Leliana’s eyes flicked up to the loft entrance and our eyes met and she inclined her head slightly. “I believe perhaps the Maker still moves in mysterious ways, yes?”

That… was approval. I nodded slightly and she smiled in satisfaction before looking back to Cullen. “Do not forget that the Inquisitor would like the Castellan to be present at today’s meeting. I will be sure to give Rage a treat next time I see him.”

Rage’s head poked up from behind Cullen’s desk and she laughed slightly and moved towards him, pulling something from her pockets and feeding it to him, running her hand over his head in a quick pet before taking her leave. I climbed down the ladder when she was gone and faced Cullen warily. 

He ran a hand over his face. “Maker’s breath… another templar… like that. Why are there so many like that? Everywhere I turn there’s another. They should be better! There shouldn’t be any like that!”

“Love… any time you have an organization that has complete control and authority over others, it is going to draw in abusers. Leliana said ‘circles’, more than one. He was reported and was just sent to somewhere else to hurt more mages. The system supported him. The system draws those like him in.” 

Cullen’s eyes closed tightly and then he sighed in resignation. “As they did with me. Yes, you are right.” He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed again. “You… this isn’t the first time you have… the man in Haven that fell from the roof…?”

“He was hurting people.” I admitted but didn’t.

Cullen looked at me with an unreadable expression before letting out an amused huff. “I believe I realize now why Leliana was so insistent I be cautious in… my feelings for you.” 

“Only now?” I raised my eyebrows at him and held a hand out to him.

He took it gently. “I was under the impression that she was warning me about… distractions, not… that.”

“Ah. Is this…?” I wasn’t sure how to ask if this was a deal breaker.

“You protect your people.” He said quietly and started to draw me in when the door opened behind me. He inhaled, no doubt to snap at whoever had intruded, only to pause and then straighten, his grip on my hand loosening as if he was going to let it go, then purposefully tightened. “Solas.” 

“Commander.” 

I turned to see Solas coming in with a tray lined with covered bowls. “Vhenan.” 

His eyes flicked over me sharply before his expression softened slightly. “Ma’fen’vhenan.” He moved to set the tray on Cullen’s desk, then pulled a pair of chairs out from the wall and to the desk and after an almost imperceptible pause, lined them up on either side of Cullen’s chair. “I have brought breakfast.”

“Ma serannas.” I tugged on Cullen’s hand and we went to the desk, though Cullen pulled out the center chair for me to sit in. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“Compassion let me know where you were.” He said evenly, not looking at me as he arranged the bowls. 

“ _ Are you angry _ ?” I asked in elvhen.

Solas’ jaw ticked as he placed a spoon and napkin in front of me. “ _ He frightened you. _ ”

“You have as well.” I pointed out, reverting to common. Cullen was watching us with an uneasy air and I patted the seat to my left pointedly.

Cullen started slightly and moved to sit where I indicated. Solas finally looked directly at me. “Never that badly.”

“Really? Because I seem to remember fleeing from your cabin, ma’fen.” I said shortly.

Solas pulled back as if struck. “That- you were never in danger.” 

“And I wasn’t last night, either.” I patted the seat to my right and Solas pressed his lips together but sat. 

“I would not have hurt her.” Cullen blurted out indignantly.

Solas’ lip curled into an almost snarl. “Until you thought she was possessed, and then you would not hesitate-”

“I saw her shift into something terrifying and enormous right in front of me and I set aside my sword.” Cullen said through clenched teeth. 

Solas again, pulled back. “Oh.” He and Cullen stared at each other for a long moment before Solas inclined his head slightly. “I assumed the worst.” 

Cullen ran a hand over his face. “Yes. Well. As this morning’s news has driven home, it seems fitting to assume the worst of a templar, even a former one.” 

Rage hissed and Solas made a satisfied noise in his throat.

I narrowed my eyes at the goose. “Are you influencing them?”

Rage ruffled his feathers.  _ It is good to be angry. _

“Yes, but you can stop now. We can talk about it, and let it go and then you can have it.” I suggested.

Rage dipped his head acceptingly. 

Solas huffed. “Ir abelas. I did not realize he was influencing my ire. I… am pleased that you are unwilling to harm our Fen.”

“And I am… glad that you would protect her.” Cullen returned and then frowned uneasily at Rage. “Is it… like Cole?”

“In a way. Rage is older than Cole, is better at understanding nuanced emotions.” I hadn’t been certain until I said it, but it felt true. 

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck. “Maker’s breath.” 

“Eat, vhenan. You are famished.” Solas said chidingly and I obediently picked up my spoon and dug into the thick porridge. It had nuts and dried fruit and butter mixed in. “You as well, Commander. You will be in the War Room for some time today.” 

“Of course.” Cullen sighed and picked up his spoon. His porridge was plain. He frowned at it for a moment before asking quietly, “If you thought I… why did you say to bring her here?”

“Because when faced with her accusers you immediately and without hesitation told them she had been with you.” Solas said. “And if you recall, I did… keep watch.”

Which was why the bed hadn’t smelled like him. I decided to let the two talk it out by themselves in favor of stuffing as much food into myself as I could. 

“You could have also…” Cullen trailed off and then sighed. “No, you were right.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “You’ve been letting me win at chess.”

Solas inexplicably laughed. “Perhaps.” 

Cullen huffed and picked at the porridge with his spoon before speaking again. “You should stop. I don’t… want any pretense between us. I have no… enjoyment of intrigue.”

“That is a difficult request, Commander.” Solas said warily.

“I do not mean you must lay bare all of your secrets… simply…” Cullen paused and took a bite of his porridge when I nudged his elbow, and then gestured with the empty spoon. “Do not pretend you cannot win? Things… like that. Maker, I cannot think how to say it.” 

“Say what you mean and mean what you say.” I offered.

“Yes.” Cullen said quickly. 

“A reasonable request.” Solas said stiffly. “I will… endeavour to try, but it is a habit of mine to be… evasive.”

“Fen isn’t Fen’Harel.” Cullen said bluntly.

Solas’ mouth quirked. “That is a matter of debate.” A beat and then he sighed. “We have both made our point, I believe. She is not the legendary Dread Wolf, no. but she is believed to be… an aspect of the Rebel Wolf.” 

“Really?” I said around my spoon in bafflement. “I’m like… not even five foot of scrawny elf who cries when people yell. Not entirely ‘Dreaded’.” 

Both of them leveled me with the dryest, most disbelieving looks possible and I raised my hands in surrender. I didn’t quite get it but I wasn’t about to argue. I was too tired to argue. 

Instead, I mentioned something that I just realized. “I think the sword was what made me panic.” I said quietly.

Both of them stilled and looked at me and I focused on my bowl. “You… put it away, but it was… there and then you were close to me.”

“Like he was.” Cullen finished for me. “Forgive me. I did not mean for you to find me, did not want to upset you.”

“I always will.” I countered. “Find you. You needed to talk to me, we need to talk, but- yeah. The sword might have set me off. Just… so we know what triggers me.” 

“One does not easily forget a grave injury, or the cause of it.” Solas said quietly. “Perhaps the next time you find yourself irate, Commander-”

“Please, call me Cullen or something besides my title in these situations.” Cullen said a bit desperately.

“Of course…” Solas hesitated, and then smirked. “Dharlin.” 

Cullen cleared his throat and blushed but didn’t dispute it. 

“Perhaps the next time you find yourself irate, you could perhaps find a method of releasing the emotion without a blade? As Fen does tend to find us quite easily.” Solas suggested. “I find that painting is a method of dealing with my own temper. Perhaps something of the sort for yourself?”

“I…” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck. “Should pick up my knitting again. I set it aside and forgot about it, but it did help.” 

“Working with one’s hands can provide a soothing effect that allows the mind to work through a matter with more clarity.”

I nodded in agreement. “Yeah. And if you knit and I wolf out, you should be able to talk stuff out and no panic on my end, everyone gets heard.” 

“That… is worth an effort.” Cullen agreed. “You… avoid the training yards.”

I… hadn’t realized I did, but, “Yeah. I do. I only went to them in Haven because you were there.” 

“OH.” Cullen’s eyes widened and he blushed and I hadn’t meant it like that, but sure.

We finished our porridge and Cullen and Solas cautiously picked up a conversation over my head until we were done eating. I ended up finishing Cullen’s porridge when he couldn’t stomach anymore. Afterwards, Solas produced a change of clothes for me and I changed quickly. Amund was leaving today and I needed to tell him goodbye. 

Cullen went ahead to the war room while Solas escorted me down to the courtyard to send Amund off. Sa’nehn and Thom were at the base of the stairs and Sa’nehn leveled me with a rather guilt-inducing glare that he only dropped once I had assured him that I had taken a stabby Cole with me. Amund picked me up in a hug and promised to send word when he arrived. And then I was being carried up the stairs to Skyhold.

Solas drew me into a kiss once we were in Josie’s office and I took great delight in slipping a bit of tongue into it just to feel his grip on me tighten slightly. He gave me a heated look when I pulled back at Lahnehn’s delicate cough.

“ _ You delight in tormenting me. _ ” he said evenly in elvhen as he stepped back and clasped his hands behind his back. 

“Oh, very much so. You will catch me later.” I grinned unrepentantly at the way his eyes darkened and brushed past him to acknowledge Lahnehn.

She had a smirk in the corner of her mouth as she presented a stack of letters. “I believe you would like to present these to the spymaster.” 

“Oh, thank you.” I took them and pressed a kiss to her cheek before going into the War Room. Sa’nehn and Thom waited outside.

“Castellan.” Josephine greeted me with a smile.

“Kost. Commander. Ambassador. Spymaster.” I smiled back at each of them before going to tuck myself near Kost’s elbow. I set the stack of papers in front of Leliana. “My people said you might find these of interest.” 

“My thanks. The last set of papers you sent to me were most helpful.” Leliana said, picking up the top letter with barely subdued eagerness. 

The meeting passed as most of them did. They talked over my head, I occasionally ‘prophesied’ on certain missions. But of course, the easy, professional atmosphere was rudely broken by Josephine suddenly sighing after I answered one of Kost’s questions.

“It’s a pity you’re an elf, Castellan. You would be a master of the Game.” 

I barely kept from glaring at her. “Excuse me? It is a  _ pity _ that I am an elf?”

Josephine’s eyes widened. “Oh, I didn't mean it like that! I simply meant that it would be… simpler if you were human. It is just… most nobles do not view elves as their equals and it hinders your ability to move within the Great Game.” She said quickly.

“So you are going to lay their racism on  _ my _ head? You’re going to blame their bigotry on the fact that my ears are pointed? What is that but doing the same thing? Saying I am lesser because I’m an elf?” I snapped.

“I meant no offense.” Josephine set her clipboard down to face me fully.

“And yet it is there. Do you think it is a pity your Inquisitor is Vashoth? Do you want him to be different to make things  _ easier _ on you?”

She… hesitated, glancing quickly at Kost, and I felt him stiffen.

“I see.” He said levelly. “I will not apologize for the shape I was born in. I’m sure you will be able to overcome the complication, Ambassador.”

Josephine’s eyes widened. “Inquisitor, I didn’t-”

“Ambassador. We have work to do.” He said in the same even tone that still brooked no argument. “I believe you said the Compte Richel wished to have a tea with me personally in return for pledging his siege equipment?”

“I… yes, Inquisitor.” Josephine said.

“Schedule a tea, then, but also add…” Kost sorted through the papers and pulled out two more letters. “These two. I can meet with all three of them at once before I leave for the Western Approach.” 

“Yes, Inquisitor.” She said in a subdued tone. 

Kost was still tense so I touched his arm gently. “Walk with me?” 

“Yes.” He tossed a paper down and offered me his arm. I hooked my elbow around his wrist and he faced Leliana. “I believe that will do for today. You can send anything that needs reviewed to my room.”

He didn’t wait for their reply before heading for the door, only pausing when I turned back. “Dharlin, I will expect you for supper.” 

“Of course.” Cullen said, and after a pause, added in stumbling elvhen. “Ma’fen’lath.”

I felt my face split into a happy, relieved smile. He might not be a Game Player, but that phrase spoke volumes. “Ma’lath.” I dipped my head and followed Kost out into the office. He glanced at my guards and then nodded stiffly, allowing them to fall in step behind us as he escorted me to his room. He left them outside the door, and then let go of my arm and leaned against the wall, tilting his head back to rap his horns against the stones. “Shit.”

“‘It’s a  _ pity _ you’re an elf’.” I seethed in a fake Antivan accent. “It’s a pity you’re racist.”

He ran a hand over his face. “I didn’t even- You get so used to it? You know? And she’s polite and smiles and you just-” He growled. “I asked her for a- and she- I didn’t even notice!”

“‘Even though’, ‘despite’, ‘unexpected’.” I ticked off the key words. “‘Not like the others’ is also a big one.” 

He sighed. “Yeah. Shit.” He laughed wryly. “I didn’t even notice it till you said something. Felt uncomfortable but couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but you just… said it out loud, and you’re right. It’s not my problem. It’s hers.” 

“Exactly.” I agreed. “We are not lesser. We are not worse. We are not something to be tolerated. We are Vashoth and elf and we are amazing.” 

He huffed and gave me a half smile. “Yeah.” After a pause his smile turned sly. “So, you’ve been teaching the Commander elvish?”

Which… I hadn’t. “Actually Solas is.”

His eyebrows went up. “Huh. That’s… an interesting couple.”

Which… I also hadn’t thought about, but… I fanned myself with my hand. “Well,  _ that _ thought will be hounding me all day.” 

“Which one would be on top?” Kost asked thoughtfully, with the expression of a man trying to picture it and enjoying the effort.

“Solas.” I answered without hesitation, then blushed. “Oh shit, do not tell them I said that!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Life is... rough right now. I'm not gone, things will be okay eventually, thank you for being patient with me. <3


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There be smut ahead! If it isn't your thing, skip from the *** to the ***

Cullen started sleeping in the Den while his roof was being repaired, and I quite enjoyed having both of my lovers with me in bed. (Oh  _ boy _ did I enjoy having both of them in bed. I slept like a log after being with them, one after the other and soooo attentive. Cullen quickly lost his shyness about sex while Solas watched, and seemed to enjoy the quiet commands and praise from him, which was… very hot.)

I finished making his key to the den and presented it to him in private. He wore it under his clothes to keep Leliana from prying, but when he was in the Den I could often see him holding it in his hands and looking at it with a smile. Rosi came down now and then to visit, but spent most of her time in the Mage’s Tower. 

I sent word out (a coded message from both Dalinev and Dalish that they said would be understood) with some of the elven scouts in search for a Dalish midwife who was willing to come here for Dalinev. She wanted a traditional birth and I tried my best to make it possible for her. Solas wisely kept his mouth shut on the matter. 

A few more people joined the pack, three elves and a human couple. They all moved into the valley to start making it more into a proper village. I hated the mountain of paperwork that kept me from going into the valley like I wanted. There was just  _ so much _ and I was always so tired it felt like there was never enough time. 

I finally managed to have that dinner with Dorian and it was nice. He was a good friend.

Kost did manage to call me to his dream, though it was a weird experience. One moment I was carefully shaping a pleasant dream for Cullen to enjoy (with his permission), the next I felt like an almost painful  _ yank _ on my attention that vibrated out like someone was shouting in an echo chamber. I shifted through the dream frequencies until I found Kost staring at his marked hand and glaring at it as he obviously concentrated on my name. I had made him stop as quickly as I could because that was… insistent. 

But yay, he could call me in his dreams on the rare occasions he realized he was dreaming. 

Which… would be good as he was going to be headed to the Western Approach with Cullen and Solas both with him. I… was not looking forward to that.

Over the next couple of days, Vivienne and I went through more letters; I was almost caught up. Solas and Saam practiced barriers with me, and the kids were learning by leaps and bounds both from the tutor with Harriet, and the magic theory and elvhen from Solas. Bull came back to the Den for dinners and to learn my breathing exercises and a few meditation tips, and to talk to Saam and Margaret. Margaret and Kost would meet up to spar on her days off, and sometimes to just practice their Qunlat and Common.

Josephine approached me and apologized, sincerely, which was… I hadn’t expected it but I accepted. She also promised to try to be more mindful of how she phrased things, which was… huge. Like… really huge. She also quietly told me she had apologized to Kost and hoped that I could make him happy. 

“Oh. Josephine, Kost and I are friends. I am not interested in being lovers with him.” 

She blinked, surprised, but apparently accepted it. Kost told me later that he had found her speaking to Solas and making detailed lists of phrases to avoid. I honestly hadn’t expected my little rant to have that much effect, but I would take it. If the diplomatic side of the Inquisition started being much more inclusive and less… racist in their wording it could only be a good thing. 

Kost and I started the Stitch and Bitch back up while he was here. It expanded to include Bull (who used a lucet like Kost) and Dorian, who was tentatively allowing Krem to teach him to sew while we gossiped. Cullen’s knitting was coming along nicely and Solas was finger weaving a beautifully complex… something in shades of green and blue and red. Inar was shyly learning to fingerweave from him. She quietly said that her cousin had been a finger weaver, had learned patterns from old elvhen ruins that looked exactly like the one Solas was teaching her.

His jaw had tightened slightly but he just gently corrected her fingers and then went back to his more complex pattern. Wisdom’s tail flicked back and forth and his eyes darted to her in the way it did when they were speaking silently. I could feel the intent wisping back and forth like Loyalty had taught me to notice. I was getting better at projecting my intent and images to accepting minds under Loyalty and Pragma’s tutorship. Rage was teaching me to tap into the wolf in me without fully shifting, so I could purposefully summon teeth and claws like I had when Aelon had been stabbed.

There was a lot of learning in Skyhold, and it made me happy. 

I was sleepy a lot and ate a lot, and I had my boys and my Pack and sometimes I remembered to stop worrying about the fact that Kost was taking both of them to Adamant. 

Varric found me before I left the office the day before Kost was set to leave. I had worked late, having dinner in my office to finish up the last of the paper work and get a day off to mope. “Fluffy. I have a request.”

“What can I do for you, my favorite Varric.” I answered cheerfully. I had taken an impromptu nap on top of my papers and had eaten a bowl of dried apples and had actually finished my stack of letters. The day was good!

“I’m having that game of cards in the tavern in an hour. Make sure Curly shows up, would you?”

I grinned, and there must have been a little too much teeth because he looked uneasy for a moment. “I will make sure he is there.” I darted forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek and he laughed as I scampered away, followed closely by Fenvir and Margaret and Inar. I waited until we were reasonably out of sight before shifting into a wolf. Inar made a strangled sound in her throat and stepped back, eyes wide. 

Margaret shushed her. “It is Lady Wolf still.” 

Her common was getting better. I danced up to her and she ruffled my ears. “Mischief, my lady?”

I ducked my head in a nod, then dashed off. First to the main hall to greet some nobles, especially the Ferelden one. I got many a treat and head pat. It was nice. Then I scratched my way into the rotunda. Solas stilled and gave me an exasperated glance. “Really, Fen’Harel? Again?” 

I did a play bow and sent him a brush of playful request. He paused, but didn’t dismiss it. “You have a plan?” He asked quietly.

I wagged my tail and sent him another brush of play and please. He sighed and set aside his book. “Very well.” The words were resigned, but I could feel how playful he was feeling. He moved into the notice me not ward and shifted into his white wolf, then came back out and tilted his head at me. “ _ Lead on.” _

I ran over and licked his muzzle and he sneezed and gave me a baleful look, but then I went to the rotunda door and put my paws up on it, able to reach the top jam if I stretched, which was cool. I let out a pleading howl, and after a moment, the ferelden noble opened the door. 

He paused when he saw Solas, and then smiled brightly. “Oh, hello. Is this your mate?” He crouched down and held out his fingers and Solas sent me a very distinct ‘you owe me’ before moving cautiously to him and sniffing, every line of him demonstrating wariness. The noble didn’t pet him, reading the canine body language, but seemed delighted anyway. 

I playfully knocked him over and he laughed as Solas and I padded out into the main hall. Solas’ tail was high and his eyes intense as he read the reactions of the nobles around. He was enjoying himself already. I bumped into him and then grabbed his ear gently between my teeth for a playful yank before taking off towards the stairs. I heard his teeth snap playfully behind my tail and then we were running, chasing and nipping down the stairs, through the courtyard, and up the stairs to the wall. 

He caught me just as I reached Cullen’s office door, jumping and managing to catch the scruff of my neck in his jaws, and the weight of him crashing into me sent us tumbling through the unlatched door.

“Maker’s breath!” Cullen shouted and stood, his hand going for his sword, but then he paused when Solas and I both froze. Cullen looked over us and then slowly pulled his hand away from his sword. “Fen… Harel?”

I gave an agreeing yip and Solas released my scruff. There was a scout staring at us with wide eyes, a paper crumpled in his grip and I wiggled out from under Solas and trotted up to him with a toothy canine grin. He stepped back and Cullen sighed. “Please don’t terrorize the scouts.”

I laid my ears back and gave Cullen my best puppy eyes. And then I play bowed. Solas snorted behind me. “ _ What is your plan, ma’lath? _ ”

I sent him an image of the tavern and I got a brush of glee before Solas play bowed as well, and then lunged forward and gently took the edge of Cullen’s boot in his teeth, tugging insistently. 

“What are you doing?” Cullen asked in bewilderment as I got the idea and grabbed the edge of his other boot and tugged, making him have to step towards the door to keep his balance. We both tugged again and Cullen sighed. “Alright, alright, I’m coming.” He glanced at the scout apologetically. “I am being kidnapped by wolves. I’m afraid I will not be available for the rest of the day.” 

“Are… do you need help, Commander?” The scout asked uncertainly.

“No. The spymaster mentioned Fen’Harel here. These are the Lady Wolf’s wolves. You know how her animals are.” He said, reaching down to try and bat our muzzles away from his boots. Solas play snapped at him, but I shoved my head up into his hand for an ear scratch. 

The scout made an ‘ah’ noise and Cullen started for the door with a resigned sigh. “Alright you two, what is it?” 

Solas seemed to be greatly enjoying himself as we herded Cullen to the tavern. He balked when he realized where we were taking him. “Wait-”

Solas nipped the back of his thigh, just hard enough to make him yelp and stumble forward, into the tavern, much to everyone’s amusement. Everyone was sitting at the table in the corner of the second floor, cards stacked neatly beside Varric.

Kost’s eyes widened in delight. “Fen’Harel! And who is this with you!” I trotted over and shoved my head up into his hands for ear scritches. I glanced back to see Cullen frowning at Solas.

“This is S… Snowball.” 

Solas recoiled and gave him a wolf glare and I sent Solas a burst of amusement because that was hilarious. Solas retaliated by nipping Cullen’s thigh again, and Cullen cursed and moved towards the table. “Alright, I’m coming. Leave off!”

Varric burst into laughter as I made my way to him for ear scritches. “I have to admit, I knew Fluffy was up to something when I asked her to make sure you came tonight, but I didn't expect her to set literal wolves on you!” 

“Yes, well, Fen does not do half measures.” Cullen chuckled slightly and sat down. Solas jumped up onto the seat beside him and surveyed the table solemnly before laying down across the bench with his head near Cullen’s arm, somehow making the posture look regal. 

“Where  _ does _ she keep them all?” Josephine breathed in delight as I moved to sniff her cautious hand. She started petting my ears and let out an awed sound. “Oh, you are magnificent… What did you say her name was?”

“Fen’Harel.” Bull said. “It’s a joke between her and Solas somehow. She’s really well trained. I haven’t seen Snowball before.”

“He’s more reserved.” Cullen quipped and ended up with Solas’ muzzle shoved under his arm in retaliation. Cullen simply draped his arm over Solas’ neck and dug his fingers into the fur on the side of his face. Solas froze, and then his eyes half closed in bliss as Cullen started petting him.

Hah.

I went to greet Bull and got a bit of jerky for my time. Cassandra frowned when I made my way to her. “Where  _ does _ she keep them?” She murmured and hesitantly pet my ears. “Maker, where does she keep all of her people, anyway? Surely she must have run out of room in her secret hall already.” 

I felt my tail begin to wag in amusement.

“There’s always room, always space, even when they were in the trees waiting for the mountains to fall there will always be room for another searching to be safe.” Cole said, then held out his hands to me. “Hello, Fen’Harel. She will always try to help.” 

Bull nodded in agreement and then Josephine turned in her seat. “Is Solas not coming?”

Cullen’s eyes widened a bit and he glanced at ‘Snowball’ but Varric just shrugged. “I guess not. I’m guessing he’s off knocking boots with Fen. Again.” 

Solas let out a sneeze and deliberately knocked his foot against Cullen’s boot and I let my tongue loll out in a canine grin as I jumped up onto the bench on the other side of Cullen, bumping his other boot with my foot. Cullen cleared his throat, obviously trying to hide his amusement. 

“I don’t get what she sees in him. His head’s crammed up ten thousand years ago.” Sera griped and reached to ruffle Solas’ fur. He snapped at her, baring his teeth and Cullen sighed and grabbed his muzzle like you would a dog and turned his face away from her. Solas’ growl cut off and he gave Cullen an absolutely offended look for a wolf. Cullen blushed and removed his hand with a whispered, “Forgive me.”

Solas gave him a baleful look, then sat up and deliberately licked the side of Cullen’s face from jaw to temple, messing his hair. I did the other side as Cullen tried to shove us back, laughing.

“You, I get, yeah?” Sera continued after she finished giggling at our antics, blissfully unaware we were right there. “Sure you’re all ‘grr’ and ‘rarr’ out in your armor but you get all soft and ‘gah’ when you’re around her. And you smile now. So that’s good, she makes you smile, yeah? And you make her smile and go all soft and…” She trailed off with a glassy look in her eyes. “Mmm.” 

“Yeah.” Bull agreed with an echoing. “Mmm.” 

“Yeah!” Sera pointed at him and I shared an amused glance with Solas at the public lusting over me. Sera shook her head. “Anyway. But Droopy ears is so… ‘bleh’, yeah? She looks at him the same way, but-” Her nose wrinkled and Solas and I gave her matching flat looks with our ears laid back. “Bet he calls out "Elven glory" when he does it.”

“If by ‘elvhen glory’ you mean Fen’s name.” Cullen said dryly, then quickly buried his flushed face in the cup Kost had shoved towards him.

The table burst into shocked laughter and Solas and I both sent each other bursts of amusement before we both rested our heads on each of his thighs to enjoy eavesdropping.

“How does that…” Cassandra paused. “It is probably none of my business-”

“Probably not.” Varric agreed, earning a disgusted noise from Cassandra.

“Are you… happy? With… your arrangement?” Cassandra asked, sincere and brash like only Cassandra could be. 

The table fell quiet and I picked my head up to give Cullen a reassuring nudge in his arm pit with my nose. His smell was stronger in my wolf form, very him, very… nice. I laid my head back on his thigh, nose to nose with Solas and breathing both of them in. I liked this. Cullen hesitated before running his hands over both mine and Solas’ heads, looking at us thoughtfully before meeting Cassandra’s eyes and smiling softly. “I am.” 

“Muuuush!” Sera sang out. “The real question is what is the arrangement? You three stack up like nugs or what?” 

Cullen choked and flushed, and Kost burst into laughter and covered his mouth with his hand. Bull narrowed his eye playfully and leaned forward and pointed at Kost. “You know!”

Kost shook his head. “Let’s play, yes!?”

“No!” Sera crowed. “You know! Come on! Who’s on top? Fen, yeah? She’d be squished otherwise!”

“I don’t…” Cullen tried, but Josephine  _ shushed _ him.

“There’s all those sandwich jokes that Fluffy makes.” Varric said with a gleeful look at Cassandra’s appalled expression.

Solas and I exchanged amused and exasperated glances. Of course they would try to figure out our sex dynamics when they thought we weren’t here. Cullen’s fingers were digging tightly into the ruffs of our necks and he glanced at us uncertainly. I was pretty sure he would cause a scene if we indicated we were uncomfortable. I nudged his stomach with my nose and then pointedly laid my head back on his thigh. I was fine. Solas did the same.

“I’m on top.” Cullen suddenly said, as if trying to give them what they wanted so they’d move on, and reached for the cards. “I’ll deal, yes?”

“Bullshit!” Kost said. “If anyone it’s-” He paused and shut his mouth with a click. 

“It’s Fen. Course it is.” Sera said with a raspberry. 

“They hunt, follow, feast, hold him so close and eat him up, safe, swallowed, careful Little Red, the wolves want your heart and their kisses have teeth.” Cole murmured. “They’ll never lose your scent.”

Cullen froze with the cards in his hands.

“Huh. Kinky.” Bull said with an appraising glance over Cullen and I sent a jab of gentle admonition to Cole. He flinched and wiggled in his seat. 

“Oh. I shouldn’t have said that out loud.” Cole said apologetically. “The love is just so loud.” 

“Yes.” Cullen cleared his throat, his eyes fixed on the cards. “Perhaps a change of subject?” 

“Yeah.” Bull said agreeably, and swung the attention onto Kost. “So, how’s things going with Margaret? She’s been eyeing you.”

“Oh? You have an interest?” Cassandra’s face lit up at the idea.

I rubbed the side of my face against Cullen’s arm and he exhaled slowly before petting both Solas and I on the ears and then picking up his cards.

The night was interesting. Cullen relaxed slowly, playing Wicked Grace with the others, petting Solas and I often. He didn’t drink much, but I didn’t blame him. It smelled terrible. Bull bought plates of meat for both Solas and I, which was sweet, and I performed a few tricks for his and Sera’s amusement. Solas ate his plate of meat delicately, much to Josephine’s delight. Cullen told his story, Kost told a few, Varric a few, I totally helped Cullen cheat by bumping his knee with my paw when someone was bluffing until Cole almost outed me. 

It was fun. I could feel my magic waning, but it wasn’t enough to worry about yet, I was just sitting and eating anyway. Sera passed out under the table fairly soon, she really shouldn’t have tried to outdrink Bull. Feeling them all growing closer like this was… nice. A bit of calm before the storm.

Cullen lost the final game to Josephine and I could see his wonderful full body blush as he gamely stripped and then quickly sat back down. Solas and I both sat up, a bit uncomfortable having our muzzles near his bits while we were in wolf shape. I helpfully jumped off of the bench and went in search of something to cover him up while I took him back to my Den. I didn’t like the idea of all of them ogling him when he was clearly uncomfortable. I found a cloak that smelled like Josephine hanging on the wall and grabbed it with my teeth and brought it back to the table, laying it on the seat and sitting on it.

“Oh. Dear.” Josephine giggled, bright cheeked and bubbly after two bottles of wine. “That’s my cloak, Fen’Harel.” 

I yawned toothily at her and pointedly laid on it. 

“I don’t think you’re getting it back, Ruffles.” Varric laughed as he pushed away from the table. 

“Oh.” Josephine giggled again and stood. “Can you make her move, Commander?” 

Cullen was still flushed bright red. “I’m afraid I cannot make either of them do anything they do not wish to.” He mumbled. 

Kost reached for the cloak and I nipped at his hand with a warning rumble in my chest and he drew back with a shrug. “Sorry, Ambassador. I think it’s hers now.” 

“He is.” Cole said, then poofed away.

Solas let his tongue lol out in a wolfish grin. The second Josephine left, I moved off of the cloak and let Cullen grab it and wrap it around him. His legs stuck out adorably as he was much, much taller than Josephine, but he was mostly covered, much to Bull’s disappointment. Solas and I fell into step on either side of him and started herding Cullen to the door. We did have mercy on him, at Solas’ suggestion, and took him to his room, which was a couple flights of stairs and a walk across a wall away rather than across the courtyard, up the stairs, and through the main hall and then the Den.

The moment we were in his office with the doors closed, Solas shifted into his elf form and began locking the doors, which was promising. Cullen’s head tilted slightly as he looked over Solas curiously. I shifted back as well and stretched happily. “That was fun.” 

“Are you… how does that work?” Cullen asked hesitantly.

“Another time, perhaps?” Solas said with a slight smile. “I am sure I will have plenty of time to regale you with the complexities of shapeshifting on the journey to the Western Approach. As it is, I believe we do not have more than a couple of hours before Fen grows too tired for our plans.” 

Plans? I raised my eyebrows and grinned. I liked the sound of that. 

“Right, yes.” Cullen said quickly and there was a bright, eager smile on his face before he started for the ladder to his room. I shamelessly watched the flex of his legs as he climbed up before I glanced at Solas in question.

He smirked and gestured to the ladder. Fine. I went up the ladder and was surprised to find it tolerably warm. There was a brazier by the foot of Cullen’s bed, and even as I was marvelling at him having a fixed roof, Solas came in and laid a warming glyph down under the bed while Cullen was setting something on the table by a bathtub. Huh. They really had planned something out. They… had  _ talked _ about this. That… was…

Hot.

Solas stood and straightened his clothes before speaking. 

“I believe there is a saying. ‘Turn about is fair play’?” He directed at Cullen. 

Cullen barely had time for a curious glance before Solas’ hand darted out and gripped him firmly by the jaw, turning his face towards him. Cullen let out a needy noise in the back of his throat and I could  _ see _ his knees buckle under him as a flush ran from the stripe of his belly revealed by the cloak falling open, up to his face.

Both men froze, seeming shocked by the turn of events that had left Cullen on his knees in front of Solas. I didn’t dare interrupt (but gods, that was a lovely picture) as the two stared at each other in surprise. Solas recovered first, swiping his thumb along Cullen’s jaw and drawing an involuntary shudder from him.

“On’dharlin.” 

Cullen’s breath hitched at the quiet praise and Solas gave him a considering look before pulling his hand away. “Now, I believe our Fen should have your attention.” 

Cullen blinked and his flush deepened as he quickly stood up. “Right.” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked ashamed. “I…”

“Dharlin.” Solas said firmly and Cullen looked at him with wide eyes. “Look at her expression before you decide to apologize.” 

Cullen looked at me and his eyebrows went up. “Oh.” 

I realized that my cheeks were warm and that I was biting my lip. I smiled and moved towards him and tugged his arm so he bent so I could stand on tiptoe and kiss his cheek. “You are very pretty, dharlin. Both of you.”

Cullen opened his mouth with a questioning expression, but then shut it and shifted his weight before speaking. “Would you-? There is a bath? For you, I mean.”

He was getting nervous and ashamed, so I pulled him down for another kiss. “Undress me?” 

“Yes.” He said with a slight untensing of muscles at a defined task, his hands going to the laces of my tunic with practiced deftness. I could smell Solas making a spiced tea as Cullen pulled my tunic over my head. Cullen dropped back to his knees to pull my boots off, then paused with his hands on my leg. He was still for a moment before pressing an open mouthed kiss to my exposed waist. I hummed happily at the sensation and carded my fingers through his hair, breaking apart that horrid gel and scratching gently at his scalp in return. He sighed happily against my skin. 

“You should bathe too, get that smell out of your hair.” I suggested softly.

He kissed my waist again before returning to the task of removing my boots. I rested my hand on his shoulder for balance, knocking the cloak from his shoulders. It pooled to the floor and I admired the play of muscles on his back as he moved. 

“After you, love.” Cullen started on my leggings and then frowned. “Does the smell bother you?”

“It is… pungent.” Solas answered before I could find a particularly diplomatic response. 

Cullen blinked and ran a hand through his hair and then sniffed his fingers. “Really? It does not seem that strong.”

Solas tapped the side of his nose before setting a cup of tea beside the bathtub. “We have a wolf’s sense of smell.” He leaned over and inhaled over Cullen’s head. “It contains not a little of bear grease, as well as rosemary, both of which are… strong scents.”

Cullen swallowed and busied himself with divesting me of my clothes. “Ah.” 

“It does make you easier to find.” Solas said with a touch of amusement as he took my hand and helped me step into the tub. It was perfectly warm and had an aftertaste of Gerard’s magic. 

“I’m not sure how I feel about the two of you able to track me by my hair.” Cullen said in an amused tone as he offered me soap and a cloth. 

“We have your scent.” I followed the statement with a playful growl and a nip to the delicate skin on the inside of his wrist. 

His breath caught again and he exhaled a soft laugh. “Ah. That’s how I feel.” He bent and kissed me on the lips and I gently caught his lip between my teeth. He let out a groan and then pulled back. “I think… you should finish your bath.” 

*

*

*

As much as I loved the perfectly warm bath, I was very eager to get washed and out of it to see what my boys had planned. As soon as I came up from dunking myself under the water to rinse the soap off, Cullen helped me out of the tub and towards Solas, who was holding up a towel for me. I heard the water sloshing as Cullen stepped into the tub. Solas pulled me in for a heated kiss as he wrapped the towel around me, effectively trapping my arms. I bit at his jaw in retaliation.

“So what do my loves have planned for me?” I asked against his throat. He tilted his head back to give me better access as I ran my tongue over the tendon.

“I believe…” He exhaled sharply when I scraped my teeth over the muscle of his shoulder. “The plan is to give you your wish for a ‘Fen sandwich’, as you call it.” 

Oh.  _ Oh _ ! “I like this plan.” I breathed out and then squeaked embarrassingly when Solas picked me up and tossed me onto Cullen’s bed. “Ass!” I laughed.

“That is also the plan.” He smirked and I groaned at the pun, and then groaned again when he covered me with his body, pinning me inside the towel and to the mattress.

We kissed, a playful struggle of teeth and tongue until I managed to free my arms and push him off of me and onto his back. He moved easily with my shoves and I straddled him and started working him out of his clothes. “You…” I inhaled and grinned when he grabbed my ass and squeezed. “Should have gotten out of these already.” 

“Perhaps.” His eyes moved over my shoulder and I realized I had been distracted just as Cullen’s mouth pressed over my spine between my shoulder blades. 

I hummed and let Solas push me off of him so he could start pulling off his clothes. I got up on my knees on the bed and turned to face Cullen, pausing when I saw a strip of red fabric in his hands. He worked it between his fingers before hesitantly saying. “Cole said… you wouldn’t laugh.” 

“Of course I won’t, dharlin.” I reached out and smoothed my hand over his chest. It was still damp and flushed from the bath. “What is it?” 

“I… my hands?” He grimaced and started to pull away so I caught the strip of fabric in my fingers and felt it. It was soft. 

“You want me to tie your hands?” I asked with smile. The thought was… extremely enticing.

Cullen nodded and his pupils dilated slightly.

“I would like that.” I smiled at him. “On the bed, dharlin.”

He moved quickly and let me push him onto his back. I straddled his waist and after a moment of thought to remember how to do it, tied his wrists so that he could pull on the fabric and it not give, but he could catch the end in his teeth and undo it in a second. I showed him the release and then retied his hands, then moved to pin them above his head.

“Hey there, Little Red Riding Hood.” I purred and felt his chest hitch beneath my legs. “You sure are looking good.” I bent and kissed him, driving my tongue into his mouth and tasting him, swallowing his moan. “You’re everything a big bad wolf could want.” 

His hands flexed beneath mine and he licked his lips, obviously trying to gather courage to say something. The bed shifted beside us and I felt Solas’ hand slide up my back in a trail of magical warmth. 

“Vin, dharlin?” 

Cullen swallowed and then haltingly asked, “Ar isala ava ma.”  _ I desire to taste you _ . 

"Fuck yes." I breathed through the bolt of arousal at both the request and the thought of him practicing that elvhen for me. He started to move, no doubt to lay me on my back, but I pushed down against his wrists and he let out a quiet, needy noise in his throat.

"Pl- sathan?"

Solas chuckled, low and dark, and then his mouth closed over the back of my neck, making me shiver. "I believe she wishes to  _ take _ her pleasure from you, dharlin."

Cullen's eyes darkened and his answer was an exhaled, "yes."

I turned my head to kiss Solas, rocking my hips to grind against Cullen’s stomach as I did until Cullen was letting out tiny whimpering sounds beneath me and Solas and I were panting into each other’s mouths. I finally broke the kiss and crawled forward over Cullen until I was hovering over his face, still holding his hands to the bed. His head lifted as he tried to reach me and I let out just a tiny bit of a growl to feel him shudder beneath me before I lowered myself down to let him have his taste. 

He let out another needy sound and then his mouth closed over me with an almost desperate urgency. I gasped as he began to  _ devour _ me, licking and sucking and panting beneath me as I ground against his mouth and chin. His bound hands gripped the blanket tightly as he let me ride his face, working the heat and pleasure further up my spine with every open mouthed whine against my cunt. I was hyper aware of Solas watching us, watching me hold Cullen down and take my pleasure from him. I moved one hand away from Cullen’s binds to grab his hair, threading my fingers through it in order to direct him where I wanted him most and pulling another needy whine from him.

I was starting to make my own noises, so, so close to coming, when Solas’ hands suddenly slid down my spine, his mouth closing over the sensitive point of my ear at the same moment an oiled finger slid into my ass in a shocking burst of pleasure and magic. I came with a shout, grinding down onto Cullen’s face and clenching my thighs tightly together at the cascade of sensations, his tongue, his fingers, their breaths against me as I reached out, finding Solas’ aura and tangling with it in a rush of lightning, brushing against an insubstantial…  _ something _ and feeling Cullen cry out beneath me, into me.

“Ma’lath.” Solas said into my ear once I was gasping through the aftercurrents of my orgasm. “ _ Let the puppy breathe _ .”

I realized my thighs were firmly clamped over Cullen’s head and I moved back and up off of his face, moaning as Solas used the motion to ease another finger into me. Cullen inhaled sharply with a dazed expression, his mouth and chin slick with me. He panted and clenched his eyes shut. “I… forgive me…” 

I frowned, confused, but Solas just laughed into my ear. “It happens. If you wish, I can cast a spell to help you recover.” 

I turned my head to see streaks of come over the twitching muscles of Cullen’s stomach. Oh. He had come from that… I turned back and moved to kiss him, the movement reminding me that Solas’ fingers were still inside my ass. Cullen gasped when our mouths met and I murmured against his lips, tasting myself on him. “Oh, you are a treat, on’dharlin. Ma serannas, ma’on’dharlin. That was so good.” 

He whimpered, his body arching slightly up into me as if he was trying to get physically closer to the praise. Solas exhaled hotly and nipped at my ear and I felt him smile against it when I clenched around his fingers at the jolt. 

“Dharlin?” Solas asked and began fucking his fingers into my ass with deliberate slowness, letting me feel every slick drag of them.

“I…” Cullen blinked and his eyes roamed over me and then Solas before he went limp against the bed. “Yes, alright.” His voice was soft and blissed out as he let us do what we wanted with him. 

Solas hummed against my ears, still making me twitch and gasp with the motions of his hand as he stretched me open over Cullen. His other hand stroked from my throat, across my breasts, over my belly, and onto Cullen’s chest. I felt him cast a refreshing spell and Cullen flinched, his hands tugging sharply against the cloth around his wrists, then he relaxed and let out a soft laugh. “That… tickles!” 

“I was being gentle.” Solas said in an amused tone and his hand patted Cullen’s chest before going to turn my head so he could kiss me, his tongue darting out to taste the slick my kiss with Cullen had left on me. He let out a low rumble in the back of his throat and then pulled back, slipping his fingers out of me, much to my displeasure. 

He turned and I saw him pour more oil onto his fingers before he came back and gripped the back of my neck, pushing me down so I was straddling Cullen’s chest, my hands braced on either side of his head. My legs were stretched wide enough I couldn’t lift them up, and Solas’ hand on my neck kept me down, face to face with Cullen. I opened my mouth to ask him what he was up to, but all that came out was a groan as he thrust his fingers back into my ass, working another into me, leaving me wordlessly panting at the stretch and feeling of fullness. 

“Fuck.” I gasped. I loved this feeling. I dropped my head and kissed Cullen desperately and messily as Solas turned me into a writhing mess with every movement of his hands. 

Solas pulled his fingers from me and I broke the kiss to let out a whine of displeasure.

“Shh.” Solas let go of my neck and ran his hand down my spine. “I will give you what you want.” 

I looked down at Cullen while I waited, listening to the sounds of oil being applied and wanting both to watch Solas stroke himself and also to take in Cullen’s fucked out state before I had even gotten to fuck him. His eyes were dark and wide, and he was looking at me with a dazed, almost awed expression. His lips were swollen, and they parted with a quiet, ‘oh’, when Solas moved so that he was also straddling Cullen behind me. 

“Is this alright, dharlin?” Solas asked quietly as his hands gripped my hips.

Cullen’s eyes looked over my shoulder and his mouth worked silently before he nodded. I moved a hand to stroke the side of his face and his eyes fluttered closed as he leaned into the touch.

“ _ He is somewhat enticing like this. _ ” Solas said in thoughtful elvhen.

Before I could think of anything besides incoherent agreement, Solas began pushing his cock into my ass with excruciatingly wonderful slowness. 

“Pala.” I dropped my head to press my forehead against Cullen’s as I breathed through the stretch. It was perfect, this was perfect, Cullen and Solas’ scent in my every inhale, their skin on mine. I moved my hands to grip Cullen’s wrists, keeping him close and pinned as Solas worked himself into me with shallow thrusts. Cullen let out a blissed out whine at the pressure and Solas cursed as his hips  _ finally _ pressed against my ass.

Solas bent over me and kissed the back of my neck, breathing shakily. “I- believe you are recovered, dharlin?” He pulled out of me slowly, then just as slowly pushed back in a tortuous slide and stretch.

“Fuck, Solas!” I hissed, frustrated with the sedate pace. “Fuck me already!”

Cullen jerked beneath me at the words, his wrists twitching beneath my fingers, though he didn’t pull away, a testing of my grip. He wanted to be nearer to me, but stayed under my fingers. I rewarded him with an open mouthed kiss to his jaw. 

“Patience, vhenan.” Solas said against the skin of my neck. “We do not want you to be wrung out before dharlin has been inside of you.” 

Cullen let out a needy noise in his throat and licked his lips. “Yes.”

I pushed my butt back into Solas, trying to fuck myself onto him, but he held my hips still easily. I let out a frustrated growl and then nipped at Cullen’s throat when his breath hitched. “Dharlin, would you like to be inside me?” 

“Yes.” He let out another whimper when I licked into the hollow of his throat, tasting the salt of his sweat. “Please.” 

Solas slowly pulled out of me and I hissed in impatience as I turned to grab him by the back of the neck and pull him into a kiss. He smirked against my mouth and he was such an ass, he was loving having both of us under his hands.

“Ar lath ma.” I grumbled and rolled off of Cullen. I moved down and licked one quick strip from the base of his cock to the tip, savoring the punched out noise he made and the way he half curled up, his bound hands reaching for me before he abruptly went limp and tangled his fingers in the blanket above his head again. 

“On’dharlin.” Solas murmured and kept distracting me with his roaming hands as I quickly stretched out my hips before moving to straddle Cullen again, lowering myself so his cock was pinned between my cunt and his stomach. I rocked my hips a few times to hear him whine before lifting myself up on my thighs to begin the slow process of working him into me. It was always a stretch, a slow, teasing process for us both as I lifted and dropped in little hitches, clenching and making us both gasp when Solas laved at my ear or dragged his nails under my breasts. 

Cullen was desperately trying not to buck up into me by the time I finally bottomed out, pressed flush against him and rocking slightly to enjoy all the heated ways he fit inside me. I leaned forward and braced my hands on his stomach with a moan. “Fuck, you feel amazing.” 

Solas hummed and moved behind me and I felt a thrill of anticipation as he situated himself, his erection brushing against my back promisingly.

“Dharlin, put your wrists over her shoulders.” Solas commanded softly and Cullen immediately moved, hooking the strip of red cloth over the back of my neck and pulling me forwards. “On.” Solas praised and then I heard a quick slide of oiled flesh and then he was pressing into my ass with insistent pressure that had me letting out a blissful keening noise at the sensation of both of them inside of me, filling me up until it felt like I could taste them with every breath. 

All three of us stilled, breathing in and feeling each other, trying to find a coherent thought through the cascade of stimulation. Solas put his arm around my stomach and pulled me tight against him before thrusting shallowly, pulling moans from all of us.

“Fuck.” Cullen cursed, his mouth open and slack with pleasure. “I can-” He cut off with a groan when Solas used his grip on me to start moving me forward and back, fucking me onto both of them at the same time. 

It was a push and pull of movement and pressure and ecstasy, all of us finding the rhythm that worked, that strung our nerves higher and higher, breathing and moving within each other and it was  _ so good _ . We came in sequence, Solas first, cursing and reaching out to me with his aura, sliding in me physically and magically, sending me over the edge with a wail, and my body clenching around Cullen making him cry out and curl up off of the bed, pulling me closer to him as he shuddered beneath me. 

We laid like that, me on top of Cullen, Solas draped across my back, still joined and basking in the glow of pleasure as they softened inside of me. Solas moved first, pressing a kiss to the back of my neck and withdrawing with a pleased sigh. 

*

*

*

The three of us took our time cleaning each other up, stopping often for soft kisses or sips of water. Solas looked sated, his eyes half lidded as he offered me the tea he had prepared beforehand. Cullen looked blissed out, barely coherent as I freed him from the cloth and helped him drink some water. As for me? I felt like I could walk on air with how happy and satisfied I was.

It was the most natural thing in the world to curl up between my lovers and drift off to sleep, skin to skin, bathed in their scents, and their heartbeats against me.

Less natural was waking up to the clatter of boots against the ladder and then a stranger calling out, “Commander? Are you- Sweet Maker!” 

I lifted my head from Solas’ chest to glare at the intruder. It was one of Cullen’s scouts, half through the trap door and staring at us in utter shock. “Do you mind?” I grumbled. I was half on top of Solas, using his chest as a pillow, and Cullen was using me as a teddy bear again, leaving his face tucked in Solas’ shoulder. Cullen’s eyes fluttered open slowly.

“I… the- It’s time to…” The scout was still staring and I realized that with Solas’ warming glyph and the three of us radiating body heat, we had not bothered with a blanket. 

Cullen suddenly bolted upright with a curse, pulling the discarded blanket over me and Solas. “Out!” 

The scout practically dropped out of sight and Cullen put his face in his hand. “Maker’s breath…”

“That will be about Skyhold before we are down.” Solas drawled into the pillows. 

“How did he get in? You locked the doors?” Cullen asked in mortification. 

“We live in a castle full of rogues.” I sighed and flopped back down to stretch. “Locks are meaningless.” 

“Ir abelas. I should have laid a ward.” Solas rolled onto his back and stretched as well. “I was… distracted.” 

Heh. I sat up to kiss him, then moved to Cullen, who still had his face in his hand. I kissed his shoulder and he sighed and relaxed slightly. “I must help prepare to leave.”

Solas let out a mournful sound in his throat. “And I as well.” 

Neither of them moved.

“They’ll probably send Leliana up next.” I sighed, half in regret and half in warning. I really didn’t want to leave the bed either.

Cullen rubbed his face before nodding. “Yes. I…” He blew out a sharp breath and slung himself out of bed. “They will assume…” 

“Indeed.” Solas sat up again and moved to gather his clothes. His clothes and mine were neatly folded and stacked on the table. Probably Cullen’s doing as Solas tended to just drop his wherever they landed when he was distracted. “I believe my reputation will not suffer overly much.”

“And they’ll probably be very impressed you got both of us into your bed.” I added and reluctantly moved to get my own clothes.

Cullen flushed. “I…” He paused and then swore. “Josephine has my armor.” 

She did. I pulled my leggings on and moved to press a kiss to his bicep as I laced them up. “I’ll go get them from her.” 

“I doubt that will be necessary.” Solas said. He had already gotten his leggings on and was dropping down the ladder. There was a bit of noise, and then he climbed back up with Cullen’s armor and cloak in his arms. “I believe I know why the locks were picked.”

“Ah.” Cullen watched Solas set his armor on the bed and then suddenly drew me into a hug, pressing his face against my hair. “I do not want to go. I know I must, but… I do not want to part.”

“I know, dharlin.” I sighed and hugged him tightly. “You have to, but I am going to miss both of you terribly.” 

Solas’ hand brushed over my back with a wisp of longing and curiosity. “I am curious why you told the Inquisitor you must take me.”

“You’ll know when it happens.” I said into Cullen’s chest. “Just… stay close to Kost once the walls are breached.”

“Once. not if.” Cullen exhaled. “That is a good sign.”

“You’re a very good commander, love.” I said reassuringly, then pulled away to get my shirt. “And I think I should cover my tits before someone comes looking for their commander.” 

“Yes.” Cullen agreed reluctantly and turned to get dressed himself. I wanted to linger with them, but a different, braver runner was back and calling for the Commander below and he had to go. There was a lot of last minute preparations to do before they could leave. 

Solas escorted me down and past the wide eyed, obviously looking us over, scout. We both gave Cullen soft promises to find him later, and walked sedately out of his office. Thom and Sa’nehn met us outside the door, and Sa’nehn handed us both a meat pie from Saam and ducked briefly into the office to give another to Cullen. 

And then it was time to work apparently. Solas to gather his things and me to run a castle in an uproar. I helped Josephine as much as I could. She had a hangover. I also returned her cloak with a smile and a comment about my wolves dragging it home. It was evidence on how frazzled everyone was that she didn’t comment more than a quick compliment on how pretty my wolves were. 

Wisdom found me and led me to the little chantry nook in the garden. Roderick and I nodded at each other as I passed him to go in. Cullen was praying. I moved and knelt beside him. I didn’t bow my head or pray, but I sat there with him with Wisdom in my lap as he prayed for those lost and those who might be lost. 

Kost came in after a while. “Commander. It’s time.”

“Right.” Cullen sighed and stood. I set Wisdom down so I could embrace him.

“Take care, dharlin.” I whispered. 

He bent to kiss me softly before slowly pulling away. “And you as well.” 

“Write. Even if it’s just to complain about the sand. Even a word.” I gave him a smile. 

“I’ll do my best.” He said and then quickly kissed me again before leaving the chantry. 

I moved and hugged Kost tightly. “You be careful. Keep your friends close.” 

He picked me up in the hug so my feet dangled. “I will. I’ll come back and then you’ll join me for drinks.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” I said into his chest. He set me down and I reached up and recharged the warming glyph still around his neck. 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Fen.” He said and hugged me again.

“You’d be amazing.” I reassured him. “But I’m glad I can help you.” 

Kost exhaled a laugh. “Me too.” 

“Go on. Save the world, big guy.” I pulled back and patted his chest. He covered my hand with his for a moment and then turned and left. I followed him out of the chantry and found Solas waiting for me outside. I turned and picked his hands up in mine, speaking softly in elvhen. “ _ I will see you in my dreams, my heart. _ ”

“ _ And you in mine, my heart. _ ” He drew me close for a kiss. “ _ Try not to cause too much trouble. _ ”

“ _ Trouble finds me by itself. _ ” I sighed and hugged him. “You take care.” 

“Of course.” 

“ _ And do not torture the puppy too badly. _ ” I joked as I pulled away.

“No promises.” He smirked, then bent and scooped up Wisdom. “You will be going with me, ma’falon.” 

She meowed at him, but didn’t protest.

It was a while longer before they actually left, riding out to lay siege to Adamant. Cullen stopped at the gate, turning in his saddle and searching me out before pressing his fingers to his lips in farewell. I returned the gesture, and stretched my aura out to brush against Solas’ one more time before he was too far away.

And then they were gone.

I glanced up as Bull walked over to me. 

“You didn’t go with them?”

“Nah. I sent the Chargers but Boss said I should stay here, try to keep you out of trouble with both of your distractions gone.”

I laughed, and then had to wipe at my face when I started crying. “Wh- why am I crying? I’m too old to cry over a couple of boys.” 

Bull silently pulled me to him in a hug and I burst into full on tears.


	58. Chapter 58

We had a big pack dinner the night they left and my pack did their best to distract me from my empty room. I cuddled the kids and talked with my friends and ate way too many fish pies. We piled up in the common bedroom to sleep, and I focused on checking the dreams of everyone. Solas came by long enough to kiss me but had to go check on things so we didn't have time to talk.

Kost had left Bull, Sera, Vivienne, and Cole behind. The rest of the companions had gone with him to help fight. I took care of my paperwork in my office, wrote a brief letter to both Cullen and Solas, then watched through the windows as a young girl hesitantly approached Rage in the gardens. She knelt in front of him and set something on the ground and spoke to him. After a moment, he ate whatever it was, then bumped her shoulder with his beak before waddling off. She watched him go, then scrubbed her face as if berating herself and ran off. After a shared lunch with Vivienne, I went out to speak with Pragma.

"What did the girl want?" I asked as I scrubbed the algae off of her back with a broom.

_ There is a rumor that Rage killed a templar for hurting someone.  _ She rumbled in her throat and shifted so I could reach behind her head.

"Hmm. Funny that."

_ The girl fears a noble that has hurt her and desires to hurt her again. She is not brave enough to run. _

"So she's trying the impossible." I nodded, glad that Rage was handling that. He better make it plausible. 

Pragma sent me a brush of assurance, and then a request.  _ I would like a 'nook' built near the pond. Secluded. Comfortable. _

I paused in sweeping her head. "You want a lover's nook?" She agreed and I laughed. "I'll see what I can do."

That didn't take long to handle. Josephine thought it was a wonderful idea. Visiting nobles wanted to observe the exotic water dragon and a secluded place to speak was standard for The Game's players. Win win for everyone. 

I stayed and had tea with Josephine and afterwards, went back to the Den and down onto the valley. I hadn't been able to visit in so long. Thom had worked wonders. There were houses built into the branches of the trees with spiralling ramps that led from the ground up to the houses. Bridges connected the trees together and it looked like something out of a fantasy book. There was one house on the ground so far, and Terys was directing the construction of a barn and a smithy. It was slowly beginning to look like an actual town. 

Fenvir and Felassan were working among the fruit trees, though both paused when they saw me with echoed "ma'tarlan"s. 

Saam and Maeva were there too, and the newer pack members, working among the trees and crops. The chickens were scratching in their wake.

"Need any help?" I asked hopefully. 

"You can either help dig holes for the new saplings or you can help me plant squash." Maeva suggested.

I shifted to my wolf from, drawing gasps from the newer members, and trotted over to Felassan and Fenvir. Felassan was very still as he watched me, which was hilarious because he thought  _ I _ was the Dread Wolf, but Fenvir laughed and ruffled my ears when I shoved my head into his hand.

"You and I can dig and plant, and Felassan can use his magic to root them, yes?"

I agreed and went to the spot Fenvir had been digging in and started scraping the dirt out with my paws. Wolf paws are huge, and it was quick work. Fenvir placed the sapling in the hole and covered it, then Felassan moved to speed its growth. By the time we finished, I was tired and ravenous and satisfied. 

Loyalty plodded up and I danced around it excitedly, sending it a burst of ‘Hi! I missed you! Hi!’

It sent back a wisp of fond amusement, then pranced in place and then reared and took off running. I leaped after it before I thought, some instinct making me lunge when it fled, chasing it with a happy howl. We played until I finally collapsed to the ground and shifted back to my elf form, out of breath and too tired to move. 

“Hey, Loyalty.” I smiled and petted its face when it nosed my stomach. “I should be able to see you more often.” 

_ You miss your lovers. _

“I really, really do. But I’m a grown ass woman. I’ll manage.” I tangled my fingers in its mane and let it lift me up onto my feet. Cole was suddenly there, lifting me up onto Loyalty’s back and sitting behind me, holding me up. 

“Hey, sweetheart. Good day?” I leaned back against Cole happily.

“Yes. I watched a weaver make cloth from little threads. There was a spider.” 

“Mm. Nice.” 

“You need to eat before you sleep.” He fretted. “You’re making yourself tired so you don’t have to worry, but you still have to be careful.” 

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” I sighed. “I’ll do better. I just… have been cooped up in the office for so long.” 

“Like the cows in the spring.” Cole mused. “You need to dance. It’s hard to worry when your body is happy.” 

“Exactly.” I scrubbed at my face, feeling like crying again. 

“They filled you with their love. They’ll be back. He promised he would always come back.” Cole whispered. 

“They had better not die.” I grumbled, closing my eyes for just a moment.

I was woken up by a gentle hand on my cheek. “Just a little, alright?” 

I blinked at Cole and accepted the reed straw he held near my face. “Where…?”

“At the Den.” He said and nudged it towards my mouth. I obediently started drinking from it. It was a very thick, oily meat broth and it tasted heavenly. When I had finished it, he took the straw away from me and then picked me up princess style. A moment later I was laid on a mattress and I curled up against the warm body next to me.

I dreamed. I was laying in a pond, floating and watching the aurora borealis play out in the sky above me. A moment later, the water rippled, and then Solas was sitting on it beside me. He pulled my head into his lap and chided me for being exhausted and we stayed like that until I woke. I was curled up against Bull in the common bedroom. He smoothed my hair back with a grunt. “Whatever you did, you need to stop.” 

I sighed and buried my face into his chest, breathing in his scent. It was stronger than my boys’. “Was just being dramatic.”

“You? Nooo.” He said sarcastically.

“I do have a taste for dramatics.” I laughed quietly. “You smell good.” 

“You too.” His hand came up to run through my hair. “Margaret and I are your guards for today.” 

“No-one is going to be able to find me in your shadows.” I huffed, amused at the mental image.

“Nobody can get to you if they can’t find you.” He chuckled and started to sit up. I let out a disgruntled noise that turned into a groan of pain as I moved and realized my muscles were very sore from my work and running yesterday. Bull hummed and handed me a glass vial. “Mild healing potion. Not enough to undo whatever you did, but it’ll get you moving.” 

I thanked him quietly and drank it. It tasted awful, but I could feel it rushing through me and the soreness in my muscles eased from a throbbing ache into a manageable twinge. I turned and pressed a kiss to Bull’s forehead before crawling out of bed. It was empty. I was running late. I sighed and stretched before going to get dressed. A quick breakfast, a hug for Saam, and then I was heading out of the Den with Inar, Margaret, and Bull in tow. 

My days fell into that sort of vague pattern. Waking, working as Castellan, working in the valley, sleeping. Solas wasn’t in my dreams often, I couldn’t sense any nightmares from Cullen. I wrote to them. Sometimes a quick line, sometimes a long, meandering letter. I saved them up until the end of the week before sending them out, a thick parcel for each of them. 

I wrote a letter for Kost too. He probably needed something light during that shit show.

Rasa would check Solas’ room every day to see if he was back.

A noble fell off of the stairs, startled off by Rage flapping his wings.

Sera came by and dropped a plate of muffins on my desk and left with a cheerful, “Good one.” 

“I was in my office!” I called after her in amusement.

The days went on.

I was cranky. All I wanted to do was sleep and eat and I missed my boys. I was being silly, I knew it. But still. I shoved my paperwork away and stood just as Inar rushed in breathlessly. “Fen’Tarlan, there are a group of Dalish elves asking for you!” 

“Oh. That was fast.” I blinked. “Would your sister want to meet them with me? I’m not sure how to greet them properly and I don’t want to be rude.”

Inar hesitated, then nodded. “She would.” 

“Would you ask her to come up then? I’ll have someone escort the visitors to the gardens so she doesn’t have to go out with all of the humans.” That seemed reasonable.

Inar took off and I sent a messenger to bring them up to my gardens. I dithered outside my office. I didn’t want to be sitting at my desk like some sort of throne, but sitting on the ground seemed disrespectful? Maybe? And just standing in the middle of the garden would look like I was suspicious. I glanced at Thom helplessly. “I need some sort of casual sitting area to meet guests in.” 

“Perhaps the Rotunda? Ser Wolf’s paintings are striking and there is room for a few more couches.” He suggested thoughtfully.

I hugged him in relief. “That’s a great idea. I’ll do that next time.” 

Dalinev emerged from the garden entrance with Inar in tow and Rosal on her hip. She looked cautiously excited and gave me a tentative smile. “Fen’Tarlan.”

“I sent someone to bring them here. I’m not sure how exactly to politely greet Dalish people and I was hoping you could advise me? I don’t want to be rude.” 

She blinked. “Oh. There are… customs, but you aren’t…” She touched her face hesitantly to indicate I wasn’t Dalish. “So they wouldn’t… you can just treat them as you would?” 

I smiled gratefully at her. “Thank you.” 

Sa’nehn suddenly ran a comb through my hair and I blinked at him as he tucked the comb back into his pocket with a smirk. That was oddly adorable and very amusing. I smiled fondly at him, then folded my hands behind my back, at a loss what else to do with them. I felt oddly nervous about this meeting. Pragma heaved herself out of the water and slid over to me, lifting her head so I could rest a hand on the back of her skull and scratch idly. That felt more natural than the hands clasped. 

It wasn’t long before one of the Inquisition servants came into the garden, leading half a dozen elves with vallaslin. Among them was-

“Keeper Merril?” I blurted out, shocked she was here. She should be in Kirkwall.

Merrill smiled and tilted her head. “The Lady Wolf, I presume?” 

“Yes. I must admit I’m surprised you’re here.” I paused and shook my head. “I’m being rude. An’daran Atish’an. Welcome to Skyhold.” I nodded to each person there. The servant slipped off.

Merril smiled and grabbed one of the elves’ hands. “This is Atisha. She is a skilled healer and midwife. I was on my way to fulfill the request in one of your letters when I heard your request for a midwife and made a slight detour to ask her.”

“Ma serannas.” I smiled, then gestured to Dalinev. “We are most grateful.” 

“She is further along than you are.” Atisha said quietly. “It is good you sent for aid when you did.” 

“Oh, I’m not-” I paused, my mind blanking suddenly. There was still chocolate in my room for my course. I had been due for my period right after going to get Cullen, but then I had gotten busy and I hadn’t had a course in- “Pala.” 

I blinked down at my stomach, putting a hand over it. I had a bit of squish now. I was always tired and hungry. I was crying randomly. “Pala.” 

But the glyph? I stretched a bit of magic to check for it, but it wasn’t there. Fuck. How long? Did it fail? What happened? I looked at Atisha with wide eyes. What if it was Cullen’s? His babies would kill me! “I…”

“You didn’t know?” She asked gently, and I shook my head quickly. She gave me a sympathetic smile. “Most people don’t notice until the next month.” 

Merril clasped her hands together with a brilliant smile on her face. “Congratulations! Is the father around?” 

I opened my mouth to say I didn’t know who it was, but then closed it and shook my head. Both of them were travelling to war. Neither of them were around right now and- oh gods, pregnant? Me? I had never wanted kids! What would I do with a kid? If I even survived having one! Oh gods, what if it was Cullen’s?! He was almost twice as big as me and his family just as big! What if it was Solas’? Solas the Dread Wolf, the man who wanted to take down the veil? Who had a million enemies? I thought I had been careful to avoid this! 

“Your pup desires a family.” Pragma said, shoving her head up into my hand.

“I- I know. It’s complicated, love.” I pet her and then I shoved the panic to the side. I could panic in a minute. First, I had guests. 

Guests who were… now staring wide-eyed at Pragma. I gave them a reassuring smile. “This is Pragma. She’s an alligator and my friend. You have nothing to fear from her.” 

“Oh.” Merril breathed. “Hello, Pragma.”

“You may touch me if you desire.” Pragma preened. “All of you.” 

I took advantage of the brief distraction Pragma provided to calm my breathing and firmly decide to think about it later. Then I pulled them through into the Den. 

“This is the den, we like to…..”

Pregnant?! Pala.

“Saam and Mae take turns cooking, everyone eats together…..” 

_ Pregnant _ !?

“And this-“

“Alright,” Bull’s voice startled a yelp out of me as he scooped me up. “Saam, would you mind showing them around? Lady Wolf needs a minute.” 

He carried me into my room and set me down on the bed, then carefully sat down next to me. I leaned against his side and exhaled slowly.

“I… think I’m pregnant.” I said after we had sat there in silence for a minute, breathing.

Bull was quiet for another minute before he spoke carefully. “There are potions…” 

“Yeah.” I started chewing on the base of my thumb. It’d be safer to terminate. Less complicated. No chance of having a baby so large it killed me. Less drama with the Dread Wolf and his enemies. How would I take care of a baby? Even a regularly sized baby could kill me during labor, but…

“A vague form sitting in his lap, tiny hands on his, find your mamae, sweetling.” Cole murmured, suddenly pressed against my other side. 

I turned and buried my head in his shoulder. “He would adore a child.” I groaned. “But it might not be his…”

“He can’t have children.” Cole said softly. “He longs, wishes, sometimes he looks at Rasa and Rosal and it hurts because he wants so badly, but the old song stripped it from him.”

I sat up and looked at Cole in shock. Cullen was infertile? From the lyrium? Cole nodded. “He hopes. He can’t give you a child, but if Solas did… you might let him call it his. A mabari raising a wolf.”

I let out a laugh that veered towards a sob. Sweet, sweet puppy. He wanted a family so badly, somebody to love. “And Solas?” 

“The type of people he likes don’t want children. Too busy, too powerful, too dangerous. He doesn’t think about it, but Rasa frightens him sometimes because he looks at her and his chest aches.” Cole gathered me up in a hug. “It is your choice.” 

“I know.” Of course it was my choice, but… now that the panic of carrying a child too large for me had been soothed… “It would be absolutely adorable.” I whispered, imagining tiny pointed ears and big blue eyes.

“Or yellow.” Cole said. “A true wolf cub.” 

The thought made me tear up and I looked at Bull, who was watching us with a careful expression. “I… I’m a bit emotional lately. Talk sense into me.” 

Bull looked over me before huffing and shaking his head. “It’s a bad idea, Tama Fen. You have enemies. The smart thing is to let me go get you a potion and be more careful.”

Oh gods, he was right. He was right, and I knew it, but… I covered my face with my hands. 

He let out a sighing sort of laugh. “But you’ve thought about your boy holding a tiny elf kid so I don’t think sense is gonna change your mind.”

He was still right. I groaned and turned to bury my face in his arm. “I am so stupid.” 

“Just a little.” He agreed. “You can change your mind too.”

I could. I exhaled, relieved, then wondered how this had happened.

I was pregnant.

With Solas’ baby.

And I… I wanted to keep it. 

Maybe.

I inhaled and sat up, straightening my shirt. “Well. I have guests.”

“You going to tell your boys?” Bull asked as he hefted himself to his feet with a groan. 

I paused and bit the base of my thumb again in thought. Should I? Should I tell them when I wasn’t even sure if I was going to keep it yet? “Advise me?” I asked plaintively. 

“From what I know from the Tamrassans, the first few months are iffy. There’s a chance you can still lose it.” He said slowly, as if picking his words very carefully. “And your boys are marching to a battle, and you might change your mind about keeping it.” 

“And I don’t want them possibly building up dreams about something that might not happen.” I blew out a sharp breath and nodded. “Thank you.” 

“No problem. At least now you don’t look like you’re about to pass out.” He grinned at me and moved to pour me a glass of water from the pitcher by my bed.

“That bad?” I asked, taking the glass and drinking it down. I hadn’t realized how thirsty I had been until I drained the glass.

“You were scared of dying again.” Cole supplied quietly, his shoulder still pressed against mine.

I… was. “I still am. I’m not built for children.” I smoothed my hands over my waist. It had a bit more flesh than a month ago, but I was still so skinny. 

“Like I said, it’s a stupid idea.” Bull said with an easy shrug.

“Yeah.” It really, really was… but the image Cole had provided of Cullen holding a baby, our baby… Solas teaching it magic as it grew… they...

Guests. I needed to talk to Merril. I stood up and straightened my clothes and tried not to focus on my heart hammering in my chest.

And the midwife…

The midwife was kneeling in front of Dalinev when I emerged from my room, her hands glowing a soft yellow as she moved them over Dalinev’s stomach. Inar was watching closely when her hand over her mouth, an anxious expression on her face as she watched her sister be checked.

Atisha smiled and patted Dalinev’s belly before standing. “They are well. The time of hunger did not affect them too badly, and they are growing quickly, though they might remain a bit small.”

Dalinev’s eyes closed in relief before she smiled gratefully. “Thank the Creators.”

“Perhaps.” Atisha said with a significant glance at me. “But you were rescued quickly enough to save them, yes.” 

Oh. Yeah. That. I opened my mouth to say I wasn’t the Dread Wolf, but what came out was… “Could I speak with you a moment?” 

Merrill started to move towards me, but I shook my head quickly. “Privately, please?” 

Merril hesitated, but Atisha smiled knowingly, and dipped her head in a nod. “Of course, Tarlan’Fen.” 

“You’re a mage?” Bull asked Atisha with a narrowed eye. 

“As much as Dalish is a mage,” I chided him.

“She’s an archer.” He said reflexively.

“Exactly.” I patted his stomach. I’d have to go on tip-toes to reach his shoulder, and I didn’t feel up to that. I’d had my suspicions about the Dalish and their ‘only three mages a clan’, and it was beginning to look like they did only have three mages a clan. But they also had ‘archers’ and ‘midwives’ and so on. He still looked dubious so I added, “You can keep watch.” 

He nodded, satisfied, and then I led Atisha into my room. Bull closed the door behind us and moved against the wall, though I knew he could move in an instant if anything went wrong. 

“Would you…” I paused, mentally collecting my thoughts. “I…”

“You would like for me to check on the baby?” Atisha asked gently.

I nodded wordlessly and she moved to kneel in front of me and hovered her hands over my belly. I felt her magic worm into my belly, warm and soft. After a moment, she spoke softly. “You are about two months along. The babe is healthy. May I check your health?”

I nodded again, and forced myself not to throw up a barrier as her unfamiliar magic washed through me, searching. There was a baby. I really was pregnant. She hummed and stood, and her magic slid away. “You are well, but you need to eat more.”

I laughed and covered my face with my hand, abruptly feeling like crying. “So they keep telling me. I keep using too much magic without thinking.” I felt my words stick in my throat. The important question. The one that the answer to could have me sending Bull off for that potion.

“Will she survive a pregnancy?” Bull asked suddenly, blessedly blunt. “The father is a little over a head taller than her, broad shouldered.” 

“Your first?” Atisha asked without blinking at his intervention.

I nodded anxiously. “I… don’t know if I’m going to keep it. There are… considerations.” 

Fortunately, she didn’t seem phased by the admission. Instead she reached out and touched my hips, and I felt her magic probe a little more. She stepped back with a thoughtful twist to her mouth. “You are in excellent health, besides the need for more food, but you are small framed. I believe your chances are good, however. I have delivered my share of half-bloods, I have a few tricks in my bag. Should you keep it.” 

It wasn’t half-blooded, but I said nothing. It felt too private to announce Cullen’s infertility and who the father was when I… wasn’t even going to announce that I was pregnant.

“Thank you.” I said in relief. 

She waved her hand dismissively. “It is what I am here for. If you do keep it, it’s probably for the best that Dalinev is farther along than you. You’re not going to be able to keep milk.”

I… hadn’t even thought of that. I had spent my previous life in a world where if you didn’t breastfeed, there were a hundred options of formula and bottles to choose from. “I… will speak to her once I am… decided.” I said hesitantly, then scraped a hand through my hair irritably. “Pala. I have no idea how to… this is so new to me!”

“I would suppose so,” Atisha said with a soft smile. “I received your message, and if you allow, I will be remaining here to tend to Dalinev and any others who require my skills.” 

“It’s the Pack’s decision, not mine alone.” I said carefully. “You have my approval, but it is ultimately their choice.” 

She tilted her head oddly, but nodded.

And that seemed to settle it. I collected my composure and we went back into the main area of the den. Merril stood when we entered, her eyes flicking over me, Bull, and Atisha before she smiled, apparently satisfied everyone was alright. I gave her a smile and bowed slightly. 

“Forgive me, I am a bit out of sorts. Would you join us for our meal?” 

Merril returned the slight bow. “Of course, I would be honored. All is well?”

“ _ All is well _ .” I said in elvhen. 

At supper Atisha put an extra roll on my plate with a small pointed look but a gentle pat on my shoulder. I thanked her quietly and spread the bean paste Saam had prepared onto it. I was hungry and I wasn’t going to disagree with the midwife’s orders. The conversation swirled around me, the pack getting to know the newcomers, gossip between the Dalish, Felassan blatantly staring between me and Merril… it was a little funny. 

I hadn’t realized I was starting to list until Bull scooped me up from the table like a kitten. I gave him a mock baleful glare but just waved goodnight and let him put me in my room. I pouted at him in earnest then. “But-”

“Strangers, Tama Fen.” He said flatly while pulling my boots off. “You can go back to the pack room after I’m certain you won’t end up with a knife in your back.” 

I sighed but surrendered. “Fine. But I want at least two cuddle buddies.”

“Demon kid and Sa’nehn?” He suggested and somehow got me out of my shirt without me noticing. Handy trick, that. “I’m going to have Rainier guard the door just in case.” 

“Cole and you.” I decided. “You’ll wake up if anything gets past Rainier and you’re warm, which will mean I burn less energy trying to keep myself warm.” 

Bull chuckled and ruffled my hair before shoving me onto the bed. “Alright. Get comfortable, I’ll be back.” 

I got comfortable.

“What is troubling you?” Solas asked as he practically stalked into my dream cabin.

I was laying flat on my back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I patted the space beside me and he only hesitated a moment before laying down next to me. 

“Vhenan?” His voice softened, the concern warmer.

I considered following Bull’s advice and not telling him, then immediately tossed that thought out the window and-

“I’m pregnant,” I murmured, reaching out with my magic to taste his reaction.

Shock. Fear. Disbelief. Hope, quickly tamped down with reproach.

He was quiet. Painfully so.

“It’s yours,” I informed him, still staring at the ceiling. “I think I want to keep it.” 

“That is… not wise.” He said carefully. 

“I’m aware.” I laughed ruefully. “Midwife says it’s healthy, that I should survive if I keep it.”

“You are decided,” He said flatly. He was closed off from me. 

“I…” I hesitated. “I am confused. I know it’s a stupid idea. I know it’s risky and complicated and… but all I can think of is Cullen holding the baby and how delighted he’d be, and maybe it would have your eyes or your stupid fucking chin dimple.” I threw an arm over my eyes and sighed. “I… am emotional about it, even though I didn’t even know it existed until earlier today. So…” I prodded him tentatively with my magic. “I think… if I’m going to be sensible about it, it’ll have to be your choice.”

Solas was still closed off, though his face was thoughtful. “Any child of mine would be a target, vhenan, more so with us both.” It was matter of fact, no emotion showing through. “The future is uncertain.”

“I know,” I whispered. I did. I knew, it was foolish and risky and stupid. My hand rested on my stomach. An uncertainty. Complication. He was right. “I… can go ahead and have Bull get me that potion.” 

Solas hand went to the side of my face and turned it slightly so I was looking directly at him. “But that is not what you desire.” His thumb stroked my cheek gently. “You want this child?”

I felt like crying and gave him a wry expression. “Yeah. But we’ve established that I’m being ridiculous about it. I was actively trying to  _ prevent _ having a kid because I know how dangerous and stupid it is-” I paused and sat up and frowned at him. “Wait. How am I pregnant?” 

“I… am uncertain.” He said slowly, sitting up to study my face. “You have been using the glyph, and it does not often fail.”

“I have. Right after every period, just like you said to.” I scrubbed a hand through my hair and tried to remember. “I did it… what? Two months ago? Right after I finished bleeding and then… my next period never came but I didn’t notice because things just kept happening.” 

Solas’ eyes widened slightly. “Did you not reapply it after your magical outburst when you were attacked?”

I gaped at him. “No? Should I have?”

“Yes! Your magic lashed out to save you, and would have dispelled any lingering magics on you!” Solas ran a hand over his face. He was still closed off, but his expression was irritated.

“How was I supposed to know?” I said defensively, drawing back and hugging myself. “I’m not even from this world!”

He glared at me, his mouth opening- and then he closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, and with the released breath, I felt a trickle of his emotions. Reassurance, fear, indecision. “You… I did not teach you about that. Forgive me. I… often forget the distance between our circles of knowledge.” 

I hesitantly reached out to rest a hand on his thigh in a silent gesture of forgiveness.

His hand fell on mine and he sighed as he squeezed it in gentle reassurance. “Vhenan, the choice is yours. Should you choose to keep the child I will support you in whatever you decide.”

I groaned and dropped my head. “Solas, emma’lath, while I appreciate the supportive gesture there, I have established that I am emotional and unreasonably attached to this little bundle of cells, and I need  _ your _ honest opinion on this. If you don’t want a child of your blood, tell me, and I’ll get it taken care of. If you  _ do _ want it, just say so. This is… one of the things you can’t take back. I need you to be honest with me.” 

Solas petted my hand slowly, staring at it with an intense expression, his aura still carefully guarded. “I… must admit I have not given the possibility much thought. The… type of person I am attracted to is not generally the type of person that is willing to entertain the possibility of children. I… simply have not thought of the matter. A few accidents have happened in my past, but I only ever learned of them after it had been dealt with.”

“Alright.” I nodded and turned my hand over to catch his. “Now that you are presented with the choice, do you need time to think it over? Talk with Cullen? Because he’d be involved with it too.” 

I wasn’t expecting the absolutely evil smirk that Solas suddenly shot at me. “Yes. I think I might need to discuss the matter with him. You are a fount of wisdom, Vhenan.” He leaned forward and kissed me, and then poofed out of my dream.

I stared at the space he had been in and frowned. “You know. I think… he is up to something.” I muttered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late updates. So... since the beginning of this year, my grandfather died from Covid, both of my parents have been diagnosed with cancer, my dog died, one of my chickens has gone missing, I'm gonna have to quit my job to take care of my kids, plus the *gestures at the world state right now*, and my seasonal depression is starting. I'm taking care of myself best I can, but I'm horribly low energy so updates might continue to be slow. Thank you for being patient with me, I can promise this work will not be abandoned!


	59. Chapter 59

I slept in somehow, and by the time I stumbled out of my room with fresh clothes and a new haircut, courtesy of Cole, most of the pack had gone their separate ways for the day. Merril and Atisha were still at the table, speaking with Fenvir and Dalinev in quiet tones.

“On dhea.” I yawned before apologizing in elvhen. “ _ Forgive me for the late hour. I have been exhausted lately _ .” 

Merril’s lips moved as she mentally translated the words, then smiled brightly. “Oh, it is quite alright. Atisha says it’s quite normal for the circumstances.” 

I huffed and sat down on the floor, accepting the bowl of pickled vegetables and poached eggs that Saam pushed into my hands. “I… would prefer news of… circumstances not be made public.”

“Of course, Fen’Tarlan.” Merril smiled brilliantly. “I was wondering if perhaps you wished to introduce me to this friend who needed the requested item?”

“Oh.” I winced. “I’m afraid he is on his way to Adamant with the Inquisitor right now.”

“Ah. That’s too bad. I wanted to meet and speak with them. Anyone who claims to know how to use it is of interest to me, you understand.” 

“Oh, of course. I’m certain he’d be… fascinated to talk with you on the subject if he was here.” I could only imagine how Solas and Merril would get along. 

Merril and I fell into polite chit-chat over breakfast. I told her how the pack functioned and she told me more about Dalish culture. She asked for permission to stay until my friend returned and I granted it. It was a pleasant morning, and I was reluctant to go to my office. But I had to do my part for the pack, and my part in the pack was the recognizable face for people to interact with. 

Letters to read, responses to write, information to pass to Leliana and things to run by Vivienne. I ate my lunch over a book about Orlesian noble ranks, trying to commit the different titles to memory to keep me from having to flip it open every time I got a letter. The book was a loan from Vivienne and it was so very helpful.

Also boring as fuck.

I fell asleep on top of it.

A gentle hand to my shoulder woke me up and I blinked blearily at Atisha. She smiled gently. “Fen’Tarlan, if you fall asleep in such a way, it is your body telling you that you are in need of more rest.”

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. “Ugh. I know… I’m just not used to…” I gestured to my body vaguely as I yawned. Magic and babies and new bodies, oh my.

“I’m sure.” She sounded vaguely amused and knowing, exactly how I had always imagined a midwife would. “But if I may suggest, as a midwife, if you are falling asleep so, you might need to shorten your working hours and set aside time for a scheduled nap in a place that will not strain your…” She paused and looked hesitant before finishing her suggestion. “Body.” 

I blinked at her and then rubbed my eyes as I realized she might have been about to say ‘mortal form’. “Fenedhis.” I let my head drop to the back of the chair I was sitting in. Should I even bother denying I was Fen’Harel? It was such a ridiculous rumor and yet apparently one that had spread all the way to Kirkwall. Was it possible to even disprove I wasn’t Fen’Harel? When the  _ actual _ Fen’Harel thought it amusing that everyone thought he was my most faithful agent? Apparently there was a knife’s edge of balance there where people suspecting it made them afraid of attacking me as well as making me a target. Just like my title as Castellan. 

I sighed again and stood up, stretching slightly before dipping a slight, polite bow to Atisha. “Instruct me, hahren. I have no knowledge of this.”

Her eyes widened in pure, absolute shock, and I will admit that delighted me. Big Bad Wolf calling the Dalish Midwife a respected elder. I was going to savor that. 

“You have decided to keep it, then?” She asked cautiously.

I shrugged. “I have sent word to the potential fathers and am waiting for their replies on the matter. Until then, I should at least attempt to care for my body.” 

Atisha opened her mouth, but then Inar stumbled into the office with letters in her hands. I groaned. “Inar, da’lan, I am too tired for more work.”

She hesitated, plucked two letters out of the stack, hid the stack behind her back, then held up the two letters she had selected. “They are from Ser Wolf and Ser Dharlin.” 

Oh! I hastily took them from her with murmured thanks in elvhen. Letters! 

I opened the top one right then and there, scanning eagerly over Solas’ precise elvhen letters as I let Sa’nehn guide me with gentle nudges to my elbows to keep me headed in the right direction.

He was being overly formal, proper greetings and news of the march, pleasant flattery, all very proper. I rolled my eyes at it, and the fond gesture drew my eyes to a sudden hair raising something that tugged at my attention. There was a blur of movement, a shout, Sa’nehn picked me up and turned to shield me with his body as I threw barriers over the three of us, Thom had his sword halfway out, and then-

Pragma burst from the pond in an eruption of water and power. I felt the water splash across my arms and heard an agonized, terrified scream, and then I saw her massive scaled body slide back into the water, dragging something with her. The surface of the water churned in the familiar evidence of a death roll, and then all that was left was the lapping of the pond water and Sa’nehn and Thom’s ragged breathing. Sa’nehn let me go and I straightened and glanced around, trying to figure out what just happened. Everyone was staring at the pond in terror.

“Well.” Thom said faintly. “That’s… one way to deal with an assassin.” 

I burst into shocked laughter.

There was some ruckus, Leliana apologizing for allowing an assassin so close to me, some investigation, which was a bit difficult as the body seemed to have. Um. Disappeared. I did manage to get the weapon back from Pragma as it had gotten wedged between her teeth. I pried it out, much to everyone’s horror- apparently me practically inside Pragma’s mouth after she had eaten an assassin was a bit concerning to people- and handed it over to Leliana to see if she could get any information from it. Pragma said, silently, that the assassin had just desired to be paid, and I relayed that information to Leliana. 

And then I was whisked off to the Den, set on a cushioned nest made up by the children, and given tea and snacks. Which. I apparently was shaking slightly, so a bit of coddling was in order. I set down my letters on the table and sipped at the tea. An assassination attempt on me. Not just a spur of the moment attack in anger like before, but premeditated. And there were so many suspects. Cole and Rage were flitting through the castle, listening in to see if whoever had hired them was in Skyhold.

Inar set another letter in front of me and I smiled weakly at her before trying to wrestle my mind away from brooding and listen to the hushed chatter of the pack around me. 

Sa'nehn was retelling Pragma's lunge and roll in quite dramatic terms to a pack of enraptured children. Pragma herself had lumbered down into the den and was basking under the sun spell as she listened in. Rasa and Rosal were painting her scales with a mixture of crushed red berries, though Dalinev looked concerned.

“Atishan, da’lan.” Pragma said to her. “I will not harm her.”

“I meant no offense.” Dalinev said quickly.

“None was taken. I  _ am _ quite fearsome.” Pragma preened and then lowered her snouth when Rasa batted it so the toddlers could reach to paint smears across her scales. 

Everything was alright. 

Most of the pack was filtering in for the midday meal. There was a bit of shuffle that I normally missed as different people emptied their pockets of the little things they had acquired in the morning. Onhalla gave the children stacks of used paper to make things with, Mina added some salt to Saam’s stores. It was comforting to see that they were all still caring for each other in little ways. Some of them seemed suddenly wary of Pragma, but the children seemed delighted to hear she had eaten someone and were asking all sorts of morbid questions that children asked. Things like: What did it taste like? Will the clothes give you a stomach ache? What if it had poison in it’s blood!?

Pragma was absolutely delighted by the attention. Loyalty was pleased with her, well, loyalty to me, but was hovering behind me, sending ghostly huffs into my hair. I tilted my head back to smile at it as the pack settled around the table.

“I’m alright, love.”

It bumped my head with its muzzle in a disgruntled way.  _ I should have been with you _ . 

I shrugged. “I don’t mind. If you don’t mind being gawked at in the garden. I’m sure it’ll send Mother Giselle into a right fit.” 

_ And perhaps I could remind you to rest _ . 

I shot it a dry look. “Everyone is on that, love. I’ll only be working mornings in my office now.” 

I had only just decided that right that moment, and Loyalty knew it. It nudged my back with its muzzle playfully, shoving me slightly forward and directing my attention to the table. The pack members that had been around a while were used to me chatting with my spirits and were just minding their own business while the newer pack members were discreetly or not so discreetly watching me. Merril was openly staring with a curious expression. I smiled at her and gestured at my friends. “They speak to me.” 

“How interesting.” She said delightedly. “Is that a skill you discovered, or one you were taught?”

“Oh, it’s them.” I reached up and patted Loyalty’s face. “I just listen.”

Merril tilted her head at Loyalty, and then her eyes flew wide. “Oh,” She breathed. “I see.”

Her eyes went distant and I could sense wisps of intent flowing from Loyalty to her, and rougher, less controlled intent from her to Loyalty. Though her intent was quickly shaping up, neat and quick. She really was a talented mage. I smiled into my tea cup and thanked Jim when he set a plate of what looked like fajitas in front of me. 

I glanced around, feeling quite content after an assassination attempt, and then my eyes landed on Felassan, who was sitting on the other side of the table and looking like he was trying very hard not to shift uncomfortably. I tilted my head at him, and he- he blushed. What?

Pragma sent me a brush of amusement and directed my attention to the letters on the table in front of me. I glanced down to see I had laid Solas’ letter on top, but folded over to the half I hadn’t read yet. A few quick mental translations and- ah. I smiled in fond amusement at Solas writing a dirty letter in ancient elvhen after all of that hilariously formal introduction and I tucked his letter under Cullen’s. I glanced up at Felassan and raised an eyebrow and he pointedly looked at his food to pretend he hadn’t been caught reading my letters. 

Hilarious. The fajitas were delicious and I could taste lime in them, which led me to a conversation about the valley orchard with Fenvir and Saam. Maeva was taking over the arranging of the acquisition of fruit trees directly with Josephine. Miadhal had taken charge of delivering the Inquisition’s cut of the produce, and selling the scant extra fruit not used by the pack. It was all wonderful. Lanehn slipped in later than the rest and laid another letter on top of the two in front of me. 

“I thought you would want this one as well.” She ruffled my hair and went to claim a plate of her own and snuggle up Rasa.

Loyalty and Merril were still talking silently when I finished eating, and I spoke with the pack for a few minutes longer before heading to my room to read my letters and take a nap to placate Atisha. Bull followed me, leaning against the inside of my door with his arms crossed as he looked me over.

“How you doing?” He asked bluntly.

I shrugged and laughed a bit weakly. “I’m shaken. A bit scared, mostly relieved that no-one was hurt.”

He nodded and gave me a smile. “Need anything?”

I thought carefully before shaking my head. “The pack lunch helped, seeing my people, knowing they were okay. Now I’m going to read my letters from my loves and then sleep.” 

“Smart.” He fixed me with a judging look. “Sometimes.” 

I laughed and flopped backwards onto my bed. “Sometimes. I’m compromised. I’m letting them decide.”

“That’s a long time to wait. You’ll get attached and if they don’t want it…” He trailed off warningly.

“It’s just a few days at most. Really, I’ll probably have my answer tonight.” I waved off his concern.

“A raven can’t fly that fast.”

I propped myself up on one elbow and batted my eyelashes at him. “Why, The Iron Bull, are you trying to get information out of me?”

He laughed and uncrossed his arms, easing into a more relaxed posture. “Habit.”

“I get it.” I tilted my head. “Speaking of, ex Ben Hassrath, why did you tip me off to the spy you tried to send me? There’s no way I would have known if you hadn’t wanted me to.”

“Test. To see what you’d do with one.” 

“Ah.” Something about him lingering in my room nagged at me and I made an imperious gesture I had picked up from Vivienne. “Say what you need, Bull.”

“I want to be pack. I want to be part of something bigger again. What you’ve built here? It’s a good thing, Tama Fen. It’s like you took the Qun and kept every good thing about it while cutting out everything I couldn’t-” He cut himself off and looked away. “It’s a good thing and I want in. I want Vir’Fenes as my purpose.” 

I sat up slowly and stood as he kept talking.

“I’ll talk with the pack of course, I know their opinion matters just as much as yours. I just…” He faltered, and I think I understood. I was the one who had sort of invited him, he just needed it to be official.

“I would be honored to have you join my pack, Bull.” I said softly and held my arms out for a hug. He moved towards me quickly and I wrapped my arms around his waist as he held me. “Now go charm the others, I have a dirty letter to translate.”

He squeezed me a bit affectionately and then left me to my letters. Solas was an ass and I actually had to step out and ask Pragma to come help me with some of the more… convoluted turns of phrase. He had kept up the formal tone until the halfway mark,  _ exactly _ the halfway mark. It switched into musings on what he would like to do with me right after the crease of where he folded the letter. One side formal, the other wonderfully erotic. I wrote down a few of the more poetic turns of phrases to remember for later and reread the letter in full, shoving Pragma’s head out of my room with my foot so I could savor pseudo privately. I still let her taste the desire, but through the door, as I read and reread Solas’ beautiful, sultry prose. He was very talented with words, a rhythm running through his letter that I could practically feel on my tongue as I mouthed the words.

I spent several minutes enjoying the suggestions he had provided before reluctantly setting it aside to read again and moving on to the other letters. 

The letter Lanehn had given to me was from Varric and I curiously opened it and scanned through it. It was friendly enough, casual, nothing overly personal. He may be slightly fond of me but we were not close enough to be considered friends. He did have quite a few interesting comments about rumors concerning The Commander’s lovers and the fact that Solas was very attentive and that Cullen would abruptly start blushing and Varric didn’t know what Solas was doing, but it was entertaining. Made all the noise and horses almost worth it. He also not so subtly probed me for information about the ‘official’ status of Cullen and Solas’ relationship, wanting the ‘juicy bits’ to horrify the Seeker with.

I wrote him a friendly, chatty, perfectly vague letter gushing about Solas’ prowess at research and Cullen’s stamina at leading. I fit every innuendo I could in there while making it clear that I wasn’t going to actually tell him shit about it. It was amusing. I’d probably heavily edit it before actually sending it.

Last was Cullen’s letter. I was a little nervous opening it. I knew from Before that he had trouble writing letters and I was… anxious about what he might have finally been able to put to paper for me. I took my time opening it up, smoothing it open across my thighs. There was Cullen’s handwriting.

_ My Dearest Fen, _

-there was an ink blotch like he had paused there for a long time with his quill above the paper. I smiled at the obvious hesitancy. He really was cute sometimes. The first few sentences were sweetly formal and awkward, and utterly Cullen, and then there was a sudden dash of the quill as if he had been startled, before he started telling me of the march, of how he missed me breathing next to him in bed, of how his thoughts turned to me as he rode through the grueling miles. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at the sudden fluency before Cullen confessed that Solas was helping him compose a letter. I burst into giggles at the mental image of Solas sprawled casually across his bedroll, narrating with languid movements of his hands as Cullen studiously copied down his words. 

There was a small note written on the side, apologizing for needing help writing to me and assuring me it was only because he was so inept at words before it switched back to Cullen’s natural, stilted sentence structure. He wrote like he was issuing a troop report, which was fine with me. He wrote about how much ground they covered in a day and how long he thought it would take for them to reach Adamant. He said that by the time this letter reached me, they should be a week out. That was such a long time.

I may have pouted my way through his efficient report on how Kost was doing, well but tired, how the weather was, fair and good for travelling- then I may have raised my eyebrows when his written tone turned a bit exasperated as he informed me on Solas’s state.

Vexing, was the impression I gathered.

_ Solas is well. He rarely complains of the difficulties of travel, though I fear that is simply because he has found suitable diversion. He has taken of late to teasing me, though not in a cruel manner. He is _ \- there was another hesitant blotch of ink - _ quite pleasant company. There was some confusion over our quarters and he has been assigned to my tent, but it is not a bad arrangement despite the teasing of the council members and some crude comments from the soldiers directed at Solas. I had them dealt with. He and I are content in our quiet. We read or sometimes play chess in the evenings. I am slowly learning to be more at ease with the comforts travelling with a mage can bring. Having water, light, and warmth at constant hand does make the grind of the march more bearable. _

_ Though he takes too much delight in trying to make me blush. In that he is similar to you, I believe. How he remains so calm while insinuating- _

The last sentence was crossed out and the subject quickly switched to awkward confessions of affection and I smiled fondly at the letter. Solas was a brat and I was glad that the two of them were getting along, teasing aside. 

It left a warm feeling in my belly that lingered with me as I figured out how to rest enough to satisfy Atisha while also maintaining my need to not be alone or bored. I took the briefest of naps with my lovers’ letters clutched to my chest like a lovesick puppy, then sat out by the garden beds with Cole and helped him untangle the impressions he had gathered so he could communicate them to Leliana. I started knitting a pair of socks, because it had been too long since I had lent magic to yarn. 

I was still knitting in my dreams that night, savoring the rasp of yarn sliding over my fingers and the click of the needles together as I waited to see if Solas would be able to visit me in my sleep. I had conjured half a sock up when he appeared, immediately kneeling in front of me and running his hands down my arms as if to assure himself I was whole.

“I am uninjured, vhenan.” I leaned forward to kiss his forehead. “Sa’nehn shielded me, I threw a barrier over us all, and Pragma swallowed the assassin.” 

He let out a soft sigh of relief and pressed his forehead against mine before letting out a soft growl. “Assassin.” He said flatly, his hands tightening on my shoulders.

“Mm.” I hummed in agreement and pulled him to sit beside me. “Everyone is on high alert. Leliana is working with Cole to scour the castle. I’m shortening my working hours up in the castle, breakfast to lunch, then I will be back down in the den. I am being cautious, ma’lath.” 

Solas sighed and conjured a bit of fingerweaving to occupy his hands. “Unusually so.”

“Yes, well, I have a passenger that I am waiting on a verdict on.” I nudged him playfully. “What had you rushing off in a flurry of mischief?” 

The corner of his mouth quirked up in amusement. “I committed the event to memory, if you would like to see.” He offered, holding his hand up in a needless gesture to change the dream at my answer.

“Please.” I batted my eyelashes at him. 

He flicked his fingers dramatically, and then the dream changed so that he and I were sitting on a bedroll on the ground inside a tent. There was stone under the bedroll, and another bedroll a mere arm’s length away. A trunk had armor, Cullen’s armor, neatly stacked on it and Solas’ staff was leaning against it. A mage light hung in the air in the center of the tent, and a memory of Solas was squatting near the back of the tent, conjuring water into a pitcher.

The tent flap opened and Cullen ducked in with a pair of bowls in his hands. He looked better than I expected, not as haggard as I feared without me there to badger him into hydration and eating. “I swear, I am going to do something foolish if the Ambassador does not cease her attempts at teasing.” 

“It is quite satisfying to draw a reaction from you.” The memory of Solas said with a slight smirk.

“Yes, you are not helping matters.” Cullen rolled his eyes and held out a bowl to Solas, who took it with a slight grimace. “Supper, such as it is.” The dream of him glanced around the tent before rubbing the back of his neck. “Ah. Thank you. For…” 

“It is for my own comfort as much as your own.” Solas replied easily, sitting down on the bedroll and phasing through the real Solas as he did. That was funny; there was a hilarious double effect as the memory of Solas moved inside the real one. Which. Hmm. Interesting line of thought there. 

Solas sent me a warning nudge of magic to keep my mind in line before I affected the memory. 

There was a sense that the memory was being bent, time moved forward, and I appreciated that Solas had included that to show me that Cullen was alright. The scene changed to Cullen carefully cleaning his armor while Solas was leafing through a book. The memory of Solas spoke absently. “Have you ever considered children?”

Cullen froze and a delightfully familiar blush raced up his neck. “I. ah… Have?”

“Would you want one?” The memory of Solas asked thoughtfully, turning a page and pretending to ignore Cullen’s reaction. “The subject was… mentioned to me, and I have found myself wondering what it would be like to raise a child with you.”

I gaped at the deliberate wording there and playfully shoved at Solas. He grinned and captured my hand to kiss the fingers. 

Cullen made a strangled noise in his throat and gave Solas a wide-eyed look, blushing furiously. “I- with you-? What?” 

Dream Solas blinked up at him innocently. “I do not think Fen would abandon either of us, so any children brought into the… arrangement we have would involve us both, would it not?”

Cullen ran a hand over his face and suddenly looked a bit smaller. “Ah. Right.” He was quiet for a second before sighing. “I… have always wanted children, but I do not think…” He waved his hand in an attempt to dismiss the subject. “I do not know why you are asking… this.”

“Fen is pregnant.” Solas remarked as casually as saying ‘this is elfroot’. “And she is uncertain how we will wish to proceed on the matter.” 

Cullen’s face went slack with shock, and then lit up with a blinding expression of joy that pulled a soft ‘oh, dharlin’ from me. Solas threaded our fingers together and I sent him a nudge of gratitude for committing the conversation to memory for me. 

It was only a moment before Cullen’s face closed off and he sat back on his bed roll with his hand over his mouth. “It is yours.” 

“Mmm.” Solas hummed noncommittally. “It is Fen’s.”

“I mean, yes, but… the father. Is you. I am not…” Cullen looked longing and pained both. “I am not involved.”

Solas scoffed and flicked a wisp at Cullen, who glared at him without much heat as he waved it away from his face. The dream Solas moved to lay on his stomach, propped on his elbows, and somehow laying through both Solas and my laps. “You should know Fen well enough to know that is not how she will see this.”

“You have spoken to her.” Cullen hesitated. “In your dreams.”

“I have. She is uncertain whether it is wise to keep the pregnancy and wanted our opinions on the matter. A child of The Commander of the Inquisition, The Castellan of Skyhold, and…” Dream Solas hesitated, “a knife-eared apostate, not to mention-”

“Fen’Harel.” Cullen said under his breath before adding, “I do wish you would not call yourself that.”

Solas shrugged, but there was a thread of approval. “Many do.”

“It is not right.” Cullen snapped, but his gaze was unfocused. He rubbed his hand over his mouth. “The child would be… Maker, a child? Fen?” 

“It would be a target.” Dream Solas said bluntly. “If Fen and it both survive the pregnancy.”

Cullen’s eyes closed in a pained expression before he fixed Solas with a determined look. “But you both are talented mages. And… this… Fen’Harel, he can help protect it, right? As can we?”

Solas hesitated. “Fen’Harel… has enemies. Powerful ones. He of course, would do his best to protect them both, but… It is… complicated.”

“Oh, what isn’t these days?” Cullen laughed a bit breathlessly. “Maker, a child? I had not thought… she…” He scraped his fingers through his hair, mussing his curls. “She wants it?” 

“She does, but she knows the danger a child would put on all of us and will not keep it unless we are in agreement. Besides the danger, a child is… a lifetime and we would have to… decide whether we could...” Solas hesitated, his ears turning pink, though the dream was quickly altered to hide that. Nice try. “We would be bound together by more than Fen.” 

Cullen’s breath hitched and then there was a long beat of silence where Dream Solas watched Cullen and Cullen had his hand over his mouth, lost in thought. I found myself clutching Solas’ hand. To be here for this felt… intimate and intrusive both. Solas smoothed his thumb over my hand with a quiet assurance that he had asked for Cullens’ permission before showing me this. I sent him a relieved brush and then found myself transfixed, waiting for the eventual decision that would shape our futures. 

The memory of Cullen lifted his head abruptly from his head and looked at Dream Solas. “What would it even call us?” 

I felt a flare of surprise, confusion, anxiety, a bit of excitement, and then Dream Solas said, “You know… I have no idea.” 

The memory ended and I wiped at my face. I was crying, because of course I was. “Papa and Babae, of course.” I laughed, then shook my head. I was getting ahead of myself. “You’ve been taking care of him.”

“I… yes.” Solas said and looked down at our entwined fingers. “At first it was simply because I did not want to return your puppy to you in poor health, but I… have not often had the opportunity to be ‘soft’ for a trite way of putting it. My past has not lent itself to softness and the chance to tend to someone in such a manner is pleasant.” 

I summoned my nest of pillows and afghans and Solas sank into it with a contented sound. Softness. Kindness. Companionship. Simple pleasures that were yet so hard to find sometimes.

“So-?” I wasn’t sure what I was going to ask. 

Solas sighed and brought my hand up to kiss the back of it. “Despite our better judgement, we would like to attempt to have a child with you, ma’lath.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. more stuff is happening in my life, but I managed to get a chapter out!
> 
> Poor Felassan's discomfort was inspired by one of PiperDreamer's comments heh


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vis ma’isathe, ar ju’druathe math  
> Vis ma’numavathe, ar ju’druathe man  
> Vis ma’ane eireth, ar ju’druathe ise  
> Vis ma’ane i’tel, ma’av’ahna i ar ju’sul’ema  
> Vis ma’vira virathe’or’nuathe, ma’av’ahna i ar ju’halani  
> Ar tel’ajua gara air   
> Ar tel’ajua ahnsul or geal or eal’tunan  
> Ar ajua ahnsul ar eolasa ra ea on  
> Ar elitha emma’vir’sule’vi’in i ar ghi’la ara’lin
> 
> If you are hungry, I will offer food.  
> If you are thirsty, I will offer water.  
> If you are cold, I will offer warmth.  
> If you are in need, ask and I will give.  
> If you are in trouble, ask and I will help.  
> I do not do these things in the hopes of being rewarded.  
> I do not do these things out of fear of punishment.  
> I do these things because I know them to be right.  
> I set my own standards and I alone enforce them.

“The assassin was hired by the cousin of the late Count D’Aboville.” Leliana said without preamble as she stepped into my office. 

“Oh.” I blinked at her over my letters, then shoved the stack set aside for her in her direction. “These are for you.” 

“Thank you.” She picked them up and started looking through them casually. “You send quite a bit of useful information to me.” 

“Yes.” I replied dryly. She was angling for something, but I wasn’t sure what. “Do you know why said cousin targeted me instead of Cullen?”

“He probably thought you would have less consequences.” She plucked a letter from the stack with a delicate motion. “Or he blames you more, though he might have hired a professional in that case. I am looking into it.”

“I hope it proves beneficial.” I shrugged. “As long as he doesn’t change his mind and go after Cullen.”

“Ah.” Leliana sounded satisfied. 

I wasn’t sure why. I rubbed my temples and gave her a tired smile. “Spymaster, I am too tired to be coy. Do you need something? If I can, I will help.” 

“Having the proof that the attack on the Castellan was arranged by him is a bit of leverage the Inquisition could use. I needed to be sure you did not want him removed before I pursued that.” She said bluntly.

“Ah.” I shrugged. “If it helps. I’d prefer it didn’t happen again, you understand.”

“Of course, though I do think it will be quite a bit more expensive to hire assassins after word of your water dragon has spread.” Leliana said with an arched eyebrow.

I laughed and gestured out the window where Loyalty was laying on the ground and letting Rage groom his mane while Cole braided his tail. My unusual guards were a bit of a deterrent, which I was grateful for.

“Indeed.” She seemed amused. “Castellan….” She hesitated before continuing. “I know that you prefer to speak directly with Kost about your gift, but… Do you have any advice about Adamant?” 

I slowly put down my pen and folded my hands on the desk, thinking carefully. “Fire from the sky, Spymaster. Fire from the sky, and though hope will seem lost, keep watch of the rift.”

She waited a moment, and when it was clear that I wouldn't say more, inclined her head. “Thank you. I will handle the incident involving your… guard dragon.” 

She turned to go and I impulsively spoke up, it was probably best to let her know upfront. “Spymaster.” When she glanced over her shoulder at me, I gave her a wincing smile. “I am with child and… we have decided to keep it.”

She blinked once and then inclined her head. “And I assume the father will be acknowledging it?” 

“All of them, yes.” I smirked. “Though it would be a matter of only when questioned as we do not want too much attention drawn to it.”

She sighed and rolled her eyes slightly in an almost friendly gesture. “Of course. Thank you for informing me directly.”

She took her leave, nodding in greeting to Vivienne as they passed. Vivienne swept in and took her usual seat next to me. “You had an eventful day, darling.”

“Quite.” I sighed and indicated the stack of letters for her to help with. “I will only be working mornings in my office for some time due to my… condition.” I helpfully gestured at my belly and Vivienne’s eyes dropped to it before tightening.

“Oh, do you need help with your condition?” She asked delicately.

“I’m keeping it. We all considered the risks and decided together to keep it.” I gave her a smile. “But thank you.”

“Let me know if you change your mind.” She said, and I leaned over and hugged her because for all that she presented herself as cold and uncaring, her first thought had been to offer me help. She hugged me back with less hesitation than before and then patted my shoulder and straightened her robes. “Yes. Enough of that, dear.” She didn’t do anything as indelicate as clearing her throat, but she did swallow a bit before distracting herself with the letters. 

She helped me decode the letters and quizzed me on my Orlesian titles, and then, while I was listing off the ranks in descending order, she paused on a letter and made a slight noise of triumph. I finished my recitation before leaning over to see what it was, as she would make me start over if I didn’t. 

“The Compte who contacted you to secure a place for his daughter. He is accepting your offer and will be arriving within the week with his mistress and bastard for you to take in.” She said with a pleased tone. “If you need it, I could meet him with you.” 

A favor, but one that would benefit her too. “Of course. Once I have the woman and child safe, I don’t really care about the Compte. Would you mind dealing with him to best benefit the Inquisition?”

She gave me a proud smile at seeing what she wanted and making it a favor for favor and inclined her head. “Of course.” 

She stood and flicked imaginary dust off of her robes before reaching out and resting her hand on my shoulder in an oddly affectionate gesture. “I believe you would manage well enough in Orlais, Castellan.”

I patted her hand with a grimace at the thought of having to deal with Orlesian nobility face to face. “That is high praise, Madame.” 

She took her leave with the information I gave her, and I sent Inar up to Josephine with the requests that Mina had given to me on behalf of the pack. A bit of sorting, and then I was closing up my office and laying a ward across the door to avoid unwanted visitors. Terys had been kind enough to make a locked box that hung on the outer wall of my office for people to leave letters and requests in. Lahnehn and Onhalla were going to go through it every morning with me, sorting through the things they could handle and the things I needed to handle. I hoped it worked.

I was petting Pragma when Sera edged closer. “She isn’t gonna start eatin’ people now, is she?”

I smiled and shook my head at Sera. “Just the ones who deserve it.” I leaned close to Pragma’s head and whispered. “I bet Nobles taste like pastries.”

Sera snort giggled and then edged a little closer to Pragma. “So she’s still good after going all ‘rawr blood and bubbles’?”

“She is.” I reassured her and scratched a bit of algae out of Pragma’s scales. “She ate an assassin, not a Jennie.” 

“Right.” Sera looked doubtful before darting forward and petting Pragma, who promptly swung her head and knocked Sera over, then rested her heavy snout on Sera’s chest, pinning her down. Sera squealed and squirmed and I could feel Pragma’s amusement as the archer wormed her way out from under her head and then burst into giggles. 

Margaret was getting antsy about me being up in the open like this, so I waved good-bye and headed down to the Den with Loyalty for lunch, not at all avoiding Mother Giselle who was headed for me. Not at all.

I was totally avoiding her, but there was flatbread and roasted fish and some sort of nutty, spicy mix with vegetables to eat so I didn’t mind. 

After lunch, before I forgot, I asked Atisha and Dalinev into my room to ask them a very important question. “Dalinev, Atisha says that I won’t be able to keep milk once the baby is born, and since I’ve decided to keep it, I...“ I fidgeted, feeling oddly embarrassed about this and not knowing if I was being rude or anything. “I was wondering if you would be willing to help?” 

Dalinev was staring at me with wide eyes and I felt so awkward, what if I-

“Me? You… would trust me with that?” She asked faintly. “I’m…” She gestured to herself as if that said anything.

“A very strong woman who managed to keep her sister and daughter alive after a terrible disaster and who has proven to be a very wise, hard working person who fits well into my pack?” I tried to finish the sentence. 

She blinked several times, her mouth open before covering her mouth with her hand. “Oh. Of-” She paused and then looked worried. “Will it have teeth?” The blood drained from her face and she held out her hands. “Ir abelas, I meant no-”

I waved her off and glanced at Atisha, “No, no, that’s a very good question. Um. I and the father both can shift into animal forms… is that going to carry through?”

Atisha laughed and shook her head. “No, that would be a skill the child had to learn on their own. You will not have a wolf cub.”

“Oh, thank goodness.” I sighed in relief. “That would be awkward to explain.” 

Both women pressed their lips together as if trying not to laugh before Dalinev assured me that she would be happy to act as wet nurse for my baby. Once she had left I tilted my head at Atisha curiously. 

“Is it safe for me to shift while I’m pregnant?” 

She hesitated. “I… am uncertain. Shape changing is not a common skill and I must admit I don’t have any experience directly with it.”

I slumped in disappointment. “Well, there go my afternoon plans.” Well. Contained walks, four meals a day, a gallon of water, and only a few hours of work a day for the foreseeable future it seems. I may have pouted while I grabbed my knitting and went to the valley. Limited magic too, as I couldn’t seem to keep a handle on it. 

Ugh.

I poked my belly as I walked down the valley pathway, trailed by Margaret, who wanted to help in the fields while I knitted. “You… are already taking after your father.” 

Margaret snorted. “How is that, Tarlan’Fen?”

“Trouble.”

“Ah. Would you say it is like you?” She teased.

I laughed and sighed dramatically. “I suppose.” 

Despite not getting to run around as a wolf or help in the garden, I had a pleasant afternoon knitting socks and chatting with the pack members filtering through the Valley. It reminded me of long afternoons in my past life where I didn’t have the energy to move, so one of my friends would come over and we would just talk when I could, and sit in quiet when I couldn’t. I had so much more energy now it felt like, but… I didn’t fall asleep again before supper. I had less energy than it seemed, I was just too good at ignoring my tired signals because they had been my old normal. I had to do better. I even rode Loyalty back up to the Den. It was exercise, but less than climbing. It made me a little restless, slowing down like this, I felt like I had to make the most of every moment.

But there was a once in a lifetime possibility in my womb and I needed to slow down to help make it a reality. 

That was a weird thing to think, but there was no chance I’d be forgetting the glyph after this. If Cullen wanted more children after this one, we could adopt.

In fact, I went ahead and warned the pack about needing to reapply the glyph after magical outbursts. No need to risk more unplanned pregnancies that could be avoided. Not the most common openers to dinner conversation, but one that the people around me were slightly used to.

Merril, of course, asked a lot of questions rapid fire about the glyph, about where it came from and a lot of technical questions that I honestly didn’t know the answer to. I gave her an apologetic glance. “Ir abelas, I do not know how to answer that. My magic is… instinctual? I don’t know how to explain it.”

She tilted her head curiously. “Instinctual? You have a remarkable amount of control for an untrained mage.”

I shrugged, feeling embarrassed, though I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. “I… guess? I just kind of use it, and people will say something can be done and I just… practice till I can do it?” 

“That takes an incredible amount of power,” She mused, then before I could respond to that, completely changed tracks, throwing me off balance. “Why do you think Fen’Harel abandoned the people?” 

Felassan choked on his tea. 

I blinked at her. “I- he did not want to?” 

She straightened and focused on me eagerly. “Then why?” 

Oh dear. “Are you speaking about the man or your god?”

She hesitated, “Is there a difference?”

“A vast one.” I said firmly. “I can answer questions about the man, but the Dalish god is yours to know. I am not familiar with that.” 

She blinked, obviously taken back by the distinction. “The… man?”

I nodded. “Do you know what uthenera is?”

“Of course.” She nodded and waved her hand. “The long sleep that the ancient elvhenan could fall into.”

“Yes. Some did it to pass time so the world was new when they woke, some because they were weary of long lives, and some… because they performed feats too great for them and had to recover.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Fen’Harel is a god. I’m not sure they can perform feats too great for them to handle.” 

“The Fen’Harel I am speaking of is a  _ being _ and all beings have limits.” I argued. Solas hated being called a god. “He raised the veil, and that… was his limit.” 

She sat back suddenly on her heels, her eyes unfocused as she turned that over in her head. I glanced over the pack to find them all listening to me raptly. Joy. Felassan was squinting at me in utter confusion. 

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. “This is not… a subject I am fond of discussing, Keeper Merril. Fen’Harel is… a complicated being, but he has always wanted to help people.” 

“I see.” Merril said absently, then inclined her head. “Thank you for your answers, Fen’Tarlan.” 

“Such as they’re worth.” I huffed. If they thought I was Fen’Harel, the lying trickster, I didn’t see why they’d believe my answers, let alone the fact that I was just giving second hand information. 

“Why do you make the distinction?” Inar asked cautiously. “Surely Fen’Harel is both god and man.”

I gave her a smile for being brave enough to speak up. “The Fen’Harel that existed in the past is a man. Ancient and powerful, but just an elf. Fen’Harel the Dalish god is based on that man’s legend, but the Dalish have created something new and different with his name. If you want to ask about the man, I will answer what I can, but if you ask about the Dalish god, then Keeper Merril is better versed in that knowledge and you should ask her.” 

“Is Fen’Harel a man?” Bull asked with a raised eyebrow.

I stared at him, trying to think why  _ he _ of all people would ask that.

“As much as I am.” Cole supplied helpfully. I pointed at him in agreement.

“You are tired,”Atisha spoke softly from my right and I looked up to see her smiling at me, slightly uncertain,as she held out a cup of steaming tea. “If you drink this before you sleep, the herbs should help calm you, and improve the child’s health.”

I took the tea with a murmured thanks, and Loyalty nudged my shoulder.  _ She is devoted to bringing about healthy children. She sees it as her purpose _ .

That was sweet. Probably not my business. But maybe it was, as I was accepting strange teas from her. 

I was tired. I sipped at the tea and watched as the pack finished dinner and spoke among themselves. They were discussing letting Bull join, and it was definitely a longer discussion than the others, but Bull didn’t seem upset by the questions, answering them slowly and thoughtfully. In the end, it was him and Saam facing off, talking directly to each other as the others watched. They had slipped into Qunlat and were speaking rapidly, with Margaret watching with a pensive expression. 

Saam bit out something sharp, and even with my lack of knowledge of her language, I could tell it was accusing. Bull didn’t react outwardly, not even an eyelash flutter. He finally sighed and said something softly and then Margaret nodded.

“I will accept him.” She announced.

Saam asked her something that definitely meant something along the lines of ‘you sure?’, and Margaret nodded. Saam sighed and extended her arm to Bull. “Then I accept as well.” He clasped her arm and she gave him a tired sort of smile. “Bring them down tomorrow. We would meet with your kith.”

Bull bowed his head slightly and released her arm and I smiled into my tea cup. I could guess ‘them’ was the Chargers, and I was actually looking forward to the infamous mercenary group meeting my pack. Rage waddled up with a Den Key in his beak and dropped it on my lap. I kissed his head and picked it up, running my finger over the new pack symbol. I wasn’t sure who was making them now that Amund had left for Stone Bear hold, but I had a sense of familiarity when I brushed against the symbol and it wasn’t hard to lay the key on it. Saam and the other pack mages kept the magic refreshed for me. 

Margaret stood and raised her arm into the air. “All to keep The Iron Bull?” 

Hands shot into the air, some slower than others, but it looked to be a full acceptance. Rasa even had her tiny arm in the air, and I had mine up as well. Margaret nodded as the arms went back down. “Any to not keep?”

There was a long pause, but no hands went up. She smiled and turned to press her forehead against Bull’s. “Welcome to the pack, The Iron Bull. Go to our Lady.”

I actually felt a bit of a chill down my spine at the words. This felt so… ritualistic. Important. I stood up as Bull moved around the table and then- He dropped to one knee and looked at me challengingly. I gave him an exasperated look before stepping forward to press my forehead against his. “Welcome to the pack, emma’fenlin.” 

I tied the key around his wrist and then knelt down in front of him. I had to stay standing to greet him as I was much, much shorter than him, but now we were back on equal footing. 

“Vis ma’isathe, ar ju’druathe math,” Bull started, startling me with how easily the elvhen fell out of his mouth. “Vis ma’numavathe, ar ju’druathe man.” He quoted the entire code in elvhen and I found myself grinning as he finished it quietly. “Ar elitha emma’vir’sule’vi’in i ar ghi’la ara’lin.”

“Yes, you do.” I agreed firmly.

Bull chuckled and stood up with a barely there groan. “You’re less tired today.”

“Yes, well…” I gestured vaguely with a pout and then picked up Rasa when she tugged on my pant leg and demanded a light. I conjured a light for her, of course. 

He reached out and ruffled my hair. “That’s your own damn fault, Tama Fen.”

Dramatic moment ended then. I stuck my tongue out at him and went to help Onhalla and Lahnehn with the papers they were bent over, feeling Merril and the other Dalish elves’ eyes following me. 

I woke up the next morning with the new knowledge that it was safe for me to shift as long as I was careful, and started my day again. Letters, visits with Vivienne, short talks with Leliana, Rosalie came for visits and complained playfully about Cullen’s dreadful letters. I took care of my pack, my pack took care of me. Dalish and Merril and Dalinev would sit up late in the Den, speaking in Dalish elvhen and teaching the little ones the differences between Dalish elvhen and the ancient elvhen they were learning from Fenvir and Solas.

Time went on. 

Atisha kept me plied with teas and magical check ups. Bull hovered, happier than before with his chosen purpose and fully living up to the teasing ‘mother’s from the Chargers with how he gently bullied me into taking care of myself. I was getting better at that. With my self appointed guards and spirit friends I was never truly alone, which helped, but...

I missed my boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, life is still kicking me.  
> My pregnant sister got covid, my other sister fell and got a concussion, one of my chickens got injured from the neighbor's dog, my dad passed out and fell and had to go to the ER, my mom had another surgery, I fell and hurt my bad knee and shoulder...  
> you know.   
> How it goes.  
> We're all doing okay, but yeah. updates are gonna keep being slow for a while lol   
> Thank you for being patient with me.


End file.
